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#14049 - 09/11/04 12:29 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Dokotela,

Litsho ukuthi lina labafowenu abangena kuma arrangements la bafike badlwangule abantwana babanikazi ababathengisela amaphepha? Asisukeni ku framework please yokuthi ngodade bodwa abakwenzayo lokhu. Kwenziwa langubani odubekileyo. Nxa kuzakuba le rape imele ibekhona nxazombili.

I think kuyabe kuvunyelwene ngaphambilini ukuthi lokhu lalokhu sizakumisa ngandlela bani! Nxa icansi livele lamiswa ukuthi lizakuba khona, ngumtshado phela asilani lawo lowo kabaziyele santando. There is no need for an arranged marriage in that case. Ngumuzi lowo asiwungeni. Awe convenience la, kungenwa kusaziwa ukuthi akula cansi. Ngibona angani yikho le ntombi ka Bongs took the time to explain ukuthi yi arrangement nje kodwa angena kuyo lopmhuthukezi lo, in other words akula cansi njengalokho asebekuvumelene, ngaphandle laye nxa kuyikuthi uyaqila umphuthukezi. Singazi njani. Nxa efuna uBongs kaxoxe lomphuthukezi adingisise iqiniso.

Ukudonsela omunye ecansini kuyabe sekuyi violation yesivumelwano. Kuyabuyelwa kuma drawing boards kuxoxwe futhi.

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#14050 - 09/11/04 09:00 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Siphepheli Offline
Ndunankulu
***

Registered: 05/27/04
Posts: 741
Loc: Khonaph'ya Enkangala
</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Dokotela:

<strong> [QUOTE] Are you saying all cases of women subjected to rape, after such marriages will report to the police? I disagree. I understand the contract will have been made, who authenticates it to make sure that sex is not demanded? </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">No, to the first merely because I can not corroborate with any research on the figures involved.

On the second, I feel we are ignoring the fact that this is happening and in the process we are looking down upon the unfortunate ones (like me) who do not have anything to use to gain entry into these countries. For those of us who are in this situation we do not need any high-handed authority to authenticate such contracts but we rely on 'gentlemen's agreements' sort of. These 'contracts' seemingly hold more water than the 'holier-than-thou' ones inferred.

Looking at this problem with high-handedness does not make it go away. It is there and shall stay with us yet, especially nxa thina esisesibangeni sokunceda abanye bethu by supplying required documents for our fellow sufferers or by forming bodies/associations that can stand up for these 'abuses' sizachila amakhala senyanye angathi laba bantu abasibakwethu.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>A mere threat from the white man on nullifying the marriage is enough to intimidate the lady.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">You seem to be conviniently ignoring the fact that both parties involved cannot afford to expose themselves by being over greedy. I re-assert that neither of them has any legal leg to stand on in reality. I admit though that in theory it is very possible for the scenario you allude to, to play itself out.


</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong> You will be surprised to find out how many reports we have received of rape and human right violation in many parts of the world. In all these cases subjects are threatened with death, deportation and other violent results</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">.

True mfowethu. Of all the reports how many have been investigated and resulted in convictions? Or have we merely used them to gain a few USA's/sterling donations purpotedly to help the needy but ending up lining up some of our own pockets. How many of the 'victims' have been found to be innocent victims? Is there no possibility of the 'victims' coming forth because of 'sour grapes'? I have first hand experience with people involved in these sham marriges who have a firm grip of what brought them out of Mgaxaland and therefore know that they are in those countries to better their lot and not to indulge in these get rich schemes zecansi ezicina zivela as reports of abuses nxa leyo notho ingasatholakalanga.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong> I have been to those countries mngane.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> No doubts here, mate.

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif"><strong>Its very unfortunate that women subject themselves to such risks just to earn some little dime. Its painful when its our sisters.</strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Especially if those same women were dumped by us, lest we forget, the all-clever ones who have other means of gaining entry into the said countries without having to resort to using our 'natural' assets to win/curry favours from some unscrupulous excuses for males/men. We put our own sisters in these unfortunate circumstances, and then mount high up on our self-erected pedestals, portraying a holier-than-thou demeanour, and gleefully point our (dirty) fingers at the poor wretched souls.

Asehleni kulezontaba zokuzakhela sikhangele odadewethu njengabantu labo. We are our own enemies, especially thina with access to privy information about these said abuses, ngoba instead of identifying with our own sisuka sifikelwe yikuyangeka phambi kwama foreigners besesiphika silandula abethu abasekudubekeni (Esteemed disciple Peter syndrome).

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#14051 - 01/25/05 01:24 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Bafowabo akelisize lapha ikakhulu labo abathetheyo!

Nxa umkakho engeza nguwe athi odadewenu bayamzonda kabamfuni, bafuna ukulichitha lobabili; ubungayiphatha kanjani lindaba???

Bodade lina ke?? Nxa wena ungezwani labo dadewabo bomkakho for whatever reason, ungayihambisa njani lindaba? What steps should one take to rectify the situation.

Ngingabonga kakhulu ukuzwa imicabango yenu BakaMthwakazi.

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#14052 - 01/25/05 02:01 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
ntumba Offline
Sakhamuzi

Registered: 06/09/04
Posts: 87
Loc: south africa
Le yinto ejwayelekileyo ikakhulu nxa umkakho elabosiisi abahlalangibo enguye obasapotayo. If for one reason or the other leyosapoti ayisafiki then bayaqala ukukuzonda. Umkakho must talk to his sisters and establish why they hate you. If they do not give a sound reason then he must put his foot down. kumele abatshele ukuthi bakuhloniphe even if they do not like you and lawe you must do the same. O-auntie labomamazala vele badume ngakho lokho. lami nginje I do not get along lomakoti wangithi but because ngiyahlonipha ubhudi laye ngiyamhlonipha

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#14053 - 01/25/05 06:58 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Sgcebhezana Offline
Mafikizolo

Registered: 12/19/04
Posts: 16
Loc: Montreal - CAnada
Uyazi ubuye lendaba evame ukuba yiyo mpela ecitha imizi yabanengi.Ngithathe icele lowesintwana, mhla usiyakwenda uyalaywa hanstho kuthwe uze uhloniphe yonke into ozayithola emendweni.Kuyabe kutshiwo ukuthi uzaba thola odadewabo bomkakho abasasekhaya abanye loma bendile kodwa baya phenduka beze ekhaya bazebusa besuka kweyabo imizi.ngakho ke weba waba lohlupho lolo khululeka utshele indoda yakho ukuthi wena awuphatheki kahle ngendleala usis bakhe abenza ngayo ungabona kusehlula lapho umtshele ukuthi ususiyatshela ubabakazi wakhe.Kumbe nxa ungulowana umalukazana ozwanana loninazala uyamtshela yena uqobo umama ukuthi ekhaya lapha awujabuli ngenxa yabo sisi bomkakho.
Bazalihlalisa phansi ke kubuzwe ukuthi bona vele inkinga yabo yini?Lapho ke seliqondisa okunga kudinga ukuthi kuqondiswe, otherwsie ungalala uyabamba zero ugcine usuthwala impahla zakho ubuyela ngakini (malukazana).
Mina ngikholwa yikuthi indoda yakho yona vele akumelanga ikuvumele okungumkhuba lokho ukuthi kwenzakala komunye wakhe kumele yena ahle ayimele athi lingaqali ukwenze njalo umfazi wami hayi bo vele angifuni.Angikholwa ukuthi bangaleqa ilizwi lomfowabo so they will stop inonsense yabo leyo.

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#14054 - 01/25/05 07:02 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Sgcebhezana Offline
Mafikizolo

Registered: 12/19/04
Posts: 16
Loc: Montreal - CAnada
Mina ngilohlupho lapha badala ngicela lingisize.Uhlupho lwami lumi kanje emendweni lapha nxa amalahle engasavuki kubaba ngithini kumbe ngiyabikela bani ukuthi ihloka likababa alisagamuli.Ngisizani bakwethu sengilo hlupho ekhaya lapha.Mina ngisaselothando kodwa pho nxa kungasela ngubo uthando lwakhona luyafiphala phela. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" /> ngisizani bo.....

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#14055 - 01/25/05 09:39 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Makhosazana Offline
Sakhamuzi

Registered: 12/10/04
Posts: 62
Loc: Wakefiled
Mabila amaNdebele athi umendo awutshayelwa gundwane, etsho eqinisile.
Uhlupho lwabodadewabo bendoda lutholakala emizini eminengi. Okuhluphayo yikuthi obabakazi abanengi bahlutshwa ngumhawu. Ngingazi kumbe lowo mhawu ubangelwa yibukhwele kubanewabo, kumbe ngumhawu wokuthi umalokazana uhlezi kuhle kulabo. Abanye bayabe behlezi ngesibunu esisodwa emendweni umuntu abesedelisa umoya wakhe aphindisele kumalokazana. Amthwalise nzima. Nxa umnewabo engeneka, kuyonakala, njalo nxa engolalela inkulumo zabo, uyasuka sibili emendweni.

Amadoda atshiyene. Kulamadoda athi nxa ethethe, athande ukuphatha omkabo labodadewabo, labonina. Nxa kunjalo umuzi awulutho ukudilika. Amadoda anjalo they treat their sisters like little gods. Ufica odadewabo besazi izinto ezipersonal ngomnewabo, kodwa umfazi engazazi. Yikho ofica bentela nje ngoba bayabe beleinformation engaziwa ngumfazi.

Kulamanye amadoda who can stand their ground, labo abavumi ngitsho lakancane ukuthi umuntu atshengisele ukudelela omkabo. Nxa kunjalo ufica bemnyeya ngasese umalokazana, kodwa awungeke ubabone bemtshengisela ukumdelela. Nxa ekhona bayabe bemhlonipha.

Mina ngibona angathi kuya ngendoda, njalo lokuthi leyo ndoda imthanda okunganani umfazi wayo. Phela indoda ehlonipha umkayo, ufice immela sonke isikhathi, ufica labantu bemhlonipha lowo mfazi. Umfazi laye she must be able to stand her ground. Angavumeli abantu bemngena esikhwameni.


Sgcebhezena

Ngithemba uZwangendaba loDokotela bazanceda ngodaba lwecansi eseliqanda. Leyo ngibona sengathi abantu abangamadoda bengachasisa ukuthi kanti kuyabe sekutheni nxa ihloka selingasagamuli. Ukuthi kambe ngabe use impotent na ubaba, kumbe is overworked or stressed? Uke wazama ukudingisisa ukuthi kuyini okumhluphayo?

Ike yathintwa indaba yecansi kabanzi ngale kuAsakheni imizi. Ungathanda ukubala, engxenye ungathola okungakunceda.

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#14056 - 01/25/05 10:52 PM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Bo Dade ngiyalizwa kakhulu njalo ngiyabonga ngama candid responses enu atshengisa this power struggle kumbe kubangwani khona uqobo asazi. Kambe lanxa ekhuza odadewabo owesilisa, sekungaze kufike esibangeni sokuquma ubuhlobo na, kungasahanjelwana labantwana bezintombi bengasalugxobi koMalumabo?? Kawusimlandu kaMalokazana wonke na owokwakha?? Kambe ungafika kwakhiwe unyokozala wasebenza nzima ekhulisa umkakho labodadewabo asabengoAntie abazi nunu namuhla? Kawusudiliza umuzi wabanikazi okuyinhlamba eyesabekayo kowesifazane? Kuqondile khonalokho bodade?

Sgcebhezana udubo okhuluma ngalo luvamile. Udubo nantu; abathetheneyo abaluphathi in the hope that luzalunga lodwa. Akulungi. Khulumani ngalo udubo lolu ngolwenu lobabili lomkakho. Own the problem as a couple, ungaqali ukumeyisa ngoba mhlana evuka lapho ufile wena hk hk hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> . Kungabe kukhona okonakeleyo emzimbeni wakhe okudingisisa ukuthi ahlolwe esibhedlela. Mhlawumbe yinto engalunga nje nxa lithe laxoxa ngayo lobabili. Yanini ku Dokotela wenu limbikele to rule out imikhuhlane emzimbeni.

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#14057 - 01/26/05 12:00 AM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Fundani lapha bo Dade: This seems to be a universal problem and it's always women against women. Yini ngathi bodade singahlalisani kuhle? Okunye kambe ayisikho ukuthi sivele singene emendweni with pre-conceived ideas expecting ukuhlukuluzwa and not see ubuhle?

Omamazala

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#14058 - 01/26/05 01:07 AM Re: Inhluphozalamuhla
ntombenhle Offline
Sakhamuzi

Registered: 09/28/04
Posts: 63
Loc: uk
Uqinisile sibili Mabila, umalukazana kumele abengumuntu othi nxa efika emzini kwakhiwe kumele laye afike ebengumuntu ozaqhuba esakha eqinisa ikhaya, kodwa it works both ways, kumele lawo ama in-laws bamhloniphe umalukazana. o Auntie kumele bebekwazi ukuthi le yintombi ethandwe ngumnewabo wamkhetha ukuthi abengumfazi wakhe, futhi baze not to interfere kwezababili, inkinga ibakhona nxa sebehamba ngemuva kukumalukazana sebenyenyezela umnewabo this and that ngomfazi wakhe, manje inkinga enkulu comes nxa indoda yakhona isikholwa odadebakhe, lokhu kuyabe sokuyikululaza umkakhe and vele ngeke bemhloniphe ama in-laws lomfazi and they won't hide the fact that they don't like or approve of umalukazana to her and to anyone else who will listen to what they have to say about her. Manje shuwa umalukazana yena kuthiwa athini, athule nje ephethwe kubi ethwaliswe nzima ngabantu abangayisibo abammkhombisayo. Nxa u concerned ngomuntu othethwe ngumntanakho or umnewenu, you can only advice him ngendlela ezokuthi at the end of the day kuzaba yi decision yakhe whether uzatshiyana lomuntu or not, ngoba nxa umuntu esethande okwakhe ngeke vele alalele njengoba kuthiwa love is blind nje, so uzacina esayida lomkakhe which will be the natural thing to do ngoba sekunguye amkhithileyo to spend his life with, lapho manje yikho ukuxabana kungena khona nxa umamazala or oAuntie sebeblema umalukazana for causing ukungezwana emulini yabo kanti bona yibo in the first place kade befuna ukudiliza, kodwa indoda ingasayida labangakibo ngubani ohluphekayo? Ngesintu ngiyazi ukuthi nxa wendile imuli yomkakho iqakathekile, so kusituation enjalo ukuhloniphana into eqakathekileyo kakhulu, mina ngizakunika the same respect onginika yona mamazala or not.
Mina ngibona amadoda kuyibo aba central in this whole thing, indoda ehlakaniphileyo will wittingly keep both sides happy umfazi le family yakhe, kumkakhe kumele atshingisela ukuthi imuli yakhe iqakathekile kuye, kumuli yakhe atshengisele ukuthi umfazi wakhe uyamthanda njalo uyamhlonipha, so whats left its for them to get on or tolerate each other.
Njengomuntu ongendanga mhlawumbe ngiyawumana nje hk hk hk!
l have no doubt kulabomalukazana abaluhlazi abangelanhlonipho kodwa in cases like that umuntu uyabe vele engakhuliswanga ngendlela eqondileyo and one way or the other indoda after taking so much ezacina imdivosa interfering in-laws or not!

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