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#22634 - 06/22/04 11:11 AM Re: Imbambo az' yephuke *****
Dokotela Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/11/04
Posts: 1304
Loc: Emkhathini
I entered into the public toilet, I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

---------------------------------------------
Lawe faka indaba ezangephul' imbambo

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#22635 - 06/22/04 12:37 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
soweto Offline
Sikhulu
*****

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 250
Loc: emazweni abanikazi
okunje kuthiwani bakwethu

Case 1
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A kid
replied: The legs because every night I see my mum's legs up high
screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

Case 2
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say,
"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

Case 3
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
ANSWER: When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But
when you pull down the PANTY..........IT'S SHOWTIME.

Case 4
MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast, say
DON'T?
And if he touches your v*g*na say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both, so I told him......DON'T
STOP!!!!!!

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#22636 - 06/22/04 01:16 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
Muntongenakudla Offline
Ndunankulu

Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 649
Loc: Mtubatuba
Soweto

Hola Kau!

Amnandi amahlaya akho. But baba, be careful -izicukuthwane zalumkhandlu zingawacima amahlaya angekho clean njengalana awakho!

Keep it clean baba.

Otherwise ziyakhipha gazilam!

Seven phezulu!
Ezase kasi!

Heita daar!

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.

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#22637 - 06/22/04 01:44 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
Muntongenakudla Offline
Ndunankulu

Registered: 02/06/04
Posts: 649
Loc: Mtubatuba
Ek se my broe!

A coloured drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism.

The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks,"Have you seen Jesus?" The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus".

When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?" He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water for a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied "No old man." Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time and pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?"

The drunkard replied, "Ekse my broer, are you sure he fell into this river?"

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.

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#22638 - 06/22/04 06:26 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
Sirumula Offline
Nduna

Registered: 10/18/03
Posts: 436
Loc: Bengo central place
Mntongs ingihlephunile skeem leyi oyifake phezulu lana... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Manikeza was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Manikeza was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Manikeza's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Manikeza told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted!

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#22639 - 06/22/04 08:38 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
Bhudaza Offline
Ndunankulu
*****

Registered: 11/09/02
Posts: 586
Loc: Byo, Mthwakazi
(Mabila should enjoy this one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Dear Tech Support,

Subject: Wife
I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Clubnight 10.3, Drunken Boys
Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favourite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Joe

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a
"UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend
7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I
recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having
Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume
all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to
enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of
the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIES
command before the operating system will return to normal. The
system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the
GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider
buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

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#22640 - 06/22/04 10:30 PM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
nobhutshuzwayo Offline
Ngqwele

Registered: 09/03/01
Posts: 167
Loc: Bulawayo
kuthiwa kwakuleyinye injiva eyayi "gibele" umtshova koBulawayo. manje angithi ungahlala ube ngowesithathu uhlala isibunu esisodwa on one seat, and the next butt on the other seat. So kuthiwa injiva ibe iphakamisa itshoba. Manje sekulephunga emotweni so abantu sebeyabuza ukuthi kanti ngubani osuzileyo??? Injiva yaphendula yathi

"Yimina, mara ngizophinda ngisuze njalo umasesizofika emarobothini"

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#22641 - 06/23/04 01:26 AM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Nguyena mfazi mfazi manje u Operating System! Ngenkani! Wangibulala bhudas. Ngiqhunse lona olwemthonjeni! Lenjiva yomtshova hathsi bo! Kulenkinga lapha emtshoveni!

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#22642 - 06/23/04 08:37 AM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
soweto Offline
Sikhulu
*****

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 250
Loc: emazweni abanikazi
Imisebenzi iyatshiyana bakwethu njalo abanye balemisebenzi ebabulalisa ngembambo nsuku zonke wena ungathini nxa unguwe okumele uphendule incwadi ezinje....
The following extracts come in response to an advert in a South African woman's magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people whose first (or even second) language is NOT English and who live a very rural existence.

Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as Vaginitis.The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of them from women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them. The letters were collected by the advertising agency that created the Femina ad who swear that every single one of them is genuine.

1. My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English copy of your vaginitis. Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell.
2. I am one of those with a virginal problem. I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable.
3. Dear sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex. The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.
4. How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help.
5. Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex?
6. My husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina at bedtime. Please send me more information about these vaginal erections.
7. My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine.
8. Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me.
9. With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal infection very handy and unavoidable. I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain.
10. My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy. I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all. I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity.
11. I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions.
12. Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do.
13. Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it. My virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my husband alone, but he says I am a bitch.
14. I slept with many men. Can you close my virginia for me.
15. I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant.
16. The first time noticed vaginal infection was in your advert.
17. My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesn't help. Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell. Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written. Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection.
18. I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me. My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection. I never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them publicly advertised.
19. I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older, and please reply as soon as it is convenient for me.
20. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse.
21. My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork?
22. When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room freshener, now I am 18 and I need your help. Please send any good and large information
to suffering vagina.
23. According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my promised one. She urges me so help me to help her. My new address (address supplied) but please send your reply to my old address, can I get vaginal infection without prescription.
24. Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe.
25. My husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex. I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem. The bath water must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the same water. I have re-organised my virginia recently.
26. It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do not have vaginitis.
27. How are you at that side or Randburg? I hail to you with my wife's vaginal infection from Zimbabwe but I know that some people order the thing without knowing them of seeing in other words they order them for nothing without using them.
28. I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected. I cannot tell my mother about it: she has no vagina.
29. The last time I looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere.My vagina was discharged recently.
30. My vagina is deceased.
31. I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you.
32. I hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis.
33. I have this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so you can study it better. I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina. My nose cannot reach it properly. But I promise, my body also has some healthy parts.
34. How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl. Thank you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins. I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach you. I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure.
35. Please rescue my vaginal cavity from attack, sir, and send me this infection quickly. This Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex. Also my eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop looking at them.
36. I air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's regret.
37. At todays price of water, I'd rather use Nelex.
38. I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned. You will find the vaginal infections at the above address.
39. Please send me everything. The Nelex, the vaginal infections, the vaginitis, the reliable relief from symptoms.

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#22643 - 06/23/04 08:47 AM Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke
soweto Offline
Sikhulu
*****

Registered: 11/02/03
Posts: 250
Loc: emazweni abanikazi
Heaven is when you have: a British salary, an American home, Chinese food, a German car and a zimbabwean wife.
Hell is when you have: An American car, a British wife, a Chinese home, German food and a zimbabwean salary.

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