Joseph chintomba went to an airline offcie to find out about air fares to zambia

J.C.>How long does it rake to fly from harare to zambia?

Agent.> juss a sec.........

J.C.> thank you and he lives.

umugabe lo mzee lo nkomo bahamba ku meeting a china,kuthe ngemva kwesikhathi u mugabe wacela umzee ukuthi ayephathela amanzi

umzee wahamba okwesikhathi eside, waphenduka ethwele amanzi nge glass. Kuthe ngemav kwehola u nkomo laye wacela ukuthi u mzee ayemkhela amanzi.....kwahlala isikhathi u mzee engaphendukanga, kwathi ngemva kwesikhathi waphenduka ethwele i glass lingela manzi, unkmo wadana wambuza ukuthi kanti mzee amanzi ami akaphi?
mzee>lapha engikhele khona u shefu amanzi akhe ngifice sokuhlezi umuntu.......

Wavuka eyibambileubaba,wayikhangela,wayithintitha,wanyikinya ikhanda ekhumbula ukuthi yiyo elele ikhalisa umama.
Wayibisela esikhwameni incwadi yeMFA

ANGELS IN OUR MIDST

DAUGHTER: MOM, I THINK OUR MAID IS AN ANGEL!
MOTHER : WHY HONNIE?
DAUGHTER: SHE WAS NAKED IN YOUR BEDROOM SCREAMING,
"OOH GOD I'M COMING! I`M COMING". LUCKILY, DAD WAS
HOLDING HER FROM BEHIND.....

lNKULUMO ZABETSHABI E UK[Part 1]
1.Ini ndakatayimira kupinda pasati patanga nyaya yemavhiza
2.Chembere ne dot com ndizvo.
3.At times Mugabe ari right mhani.
4.Siyana nema homes, ku agency kune chibhanzi shasha.
5.Mazuvano muri kutumira nemarii.
6.Kuno kwazara mahure akomana.
7.Shamwari first time yangu kusvika muno muUK ndakatambura haikona zvekutamba.
8.This time ndikadzokera kumba ndomboendawo kuVic Falls.
8.Vamwe vanhu shuwa unomboshaya kuti vakapinda sei.
9.Ndiri kumhanya nedhara rangu rechivheti kuitira matsamba.
10.So far ndatumira six magonyeti.
11.Ah ndasuwa mwana wangu mufunge, but manje
ndikadzokera handipinde futi.
12. Ndivoka vari kudya nedhiri remacredit cards ka ava.
13.Mungateedzere ava here, handiti family yavo yese yaakuno.
14.Mazimba kuzara kuno kudai mukati kuZimbabwe kuchiri nevanhu.
15. Hanzi anga ari lawyer ka iyeye, but iye zvino
taanaye mucare work, UK ndimaenzanise chokwadi.
16.Kana usati waenda kubhawa kwaJerry kuSlough hapana zvawati waona.
17.These days uka 'claimer' asylum unobva wa 'grantwa'
one time.
18.Boys ku den hakuna kumira bhoo asi imi muri
kutofara henyu.
19.Ndanga ndisingazive kuti vanhu ava ma racist kudai so.
20.PaGatwick ndipo pasinganetse manje.
21. Akadzoswa kumba last week akasiya zvinhu zvake zvese.
22.Vanhu ava vakatimaka just because tiri
maZimbabweans.
23.Hanzi vanhu vari kumusha vari kutoita more
chibhanzi than isusu.
24.Card risinganetse kufona kuZimbabwe nderipi
chaizvo.
25.Ha-a nyika ino yazondirijusa haikona. Apa chirungu
chavo hachinzwike mhani.
[to be continued]

Mugabe visited Bulawayo some time after the Murambat***** nonsense,omunye umagogo wamlanda efuna ukukhuluma laye:

Gogas:kodwa shuwa baba Mugabe nxa udiliza izindlu zethu,uthi siyengaphi?


Mugabe:hk hk, lina lalisithi "Mugabe must go',Mugabe must go",lalisithi ngiyengaphi.

Uyazi kwake kwathi kudala abantu bengakaphucuki kwelemaguswini komnyamubambile ngelinye ilanga okungamatwins umfana lenkazana kukuma 3years khonapho kuyazidlalela laphaya,lokhu okungumfana kwasekudobha isibuko into okwakuvele kungakaze kuyibone empilweni,kwasho kutshengisa omunye wakho "a uyabona,kukhanya okungumfana lapha entweni leyi"okunkazana lakho kwathi kuyakhangela lakho kwazibona "ulamanga wena yinkazana leyi"kwaphikiswana ke kwaze kwaphosa kwalunywana kwasekutholakala icebo lokuthi ngcono kuyebuza uyisemkhulu owayebhizi laye ebaza izikeyi zakhe esihlahleni laphaya."khulu yikuyini lokhu okulapha" wasikhangela isibuko umdala laye wazibona wathi "lanibazukulu bami liyahlupha mani litsho ukuthi aliboni ukuthi yindwangu leyi"

Uyazi amasmall house ayathandeka kithi amajida.Uyabona umjida esegula blayindi eMpilo laphaphana,thina izihlobo labangane lathi phela siyabe sifika sitshiya okuncane kumember ukwenzela phela ukuthi akhavise kumafriuts lokunye nje okungabe kungafuneka nxa umuntu egula.Phela khonapho liyabe lilihlekana ligombolozele umbeda lawe uyazi loSmall house laye uyabe ekhona belokhe benyonkolozana lomamomdala,uzabona nxa ibhera yokuthi isikhathi sokuphuma kwabazobona izigulane sesitshayile abantu sebephuma uzezwa umjida ngelizwi lokufuthelwa eliphansi esesithi "bengicela lowu omncane ake asale mbijana kulokunye engifuna ukumlayezele khona"uzayibona isingena kushelf yayo leyana iphuma lokuyisambanyana uzwe"hayi mama lapha lani lizabona okokudla lerent lokhu okunye sizabona ngokuhamba kwensuku"usephiwa yonaleya eyamafruits.Yeyi sithwele nzima majida

It's amazing how a human mind works


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> -

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt

The Verdict...


A woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in
court, taking along her long-suffering husband for moral support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The woman agreed.


The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."


The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."