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#26412 - 09/26/05 06:48 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 *****
Dokotela Offline

Registered: 05/11/04
Posts: 1304
Loc: Emkhathini
<img src="" alt=" - " />

#26413 - 09/26/05 09:48 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
Sgero Offline

Registered: 05/31/04
Posts: 643
Loc: United Kingdom
Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!


Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...


Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....


Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

============== =

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!


Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...


Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought fo r me in the supermarket.


Customer: My keyboard is not w orking anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work


Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?


Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my coll eague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.


Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.


Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.


Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?


A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."


And last but not least:....

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.

#26414 - 09/27/05 12:29 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale
lips began to move slightly. "Becky, my darling," he
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice.
"I have something that I must confess."
"There isn't anything to confess I know everything,"
replied the weeping Becky, "everything's alright, go
to sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with
your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and
your mother!"
"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."

#26415 - 09/27/05 02:40 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
Mabila Offline

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Amazing How People can push for an agenda

The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kanbe expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" />

#26416 - 09/27/05 05:13 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2

Registered: 04/22/05
Posts: 83
hk hk hk hk hk hk kleke petu. Lina bantwana lenzani kanti.

#26417 - 09/29/05 10:13 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
Mabonwabulawe Offline

Registered: 10/14/03
Posts: 126
Loc: Emlageni, eShamba
The Cowboy Baptist

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer
and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three

The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes
flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just
one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas. When we
all left Wyoming, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it
there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always
drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in

One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs!

All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes
back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains...
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and obviously I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected my brothers though."

#26418 - 09/29/05 11:28 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Njengoba bahlala besho abadala ukuba inja ingaliqhoba ithambo imane ijwayele,kwabanjalo nakulomfokazana wakwaDube.Kwakusithi ngayoyonke inkathi inkosikazi yangakwakhe uMadube ingagibela isitimela iya ekhaya ,yena uzosuka athathe ijiko ayebeletha isidandane sakhe esogama uNondindwa aze naso apha ekamelweni labo lomshado.
Yayingabuzanga elangeni indoda yakwaDube ngoba ngaleyo mpelasonto wathi ma efika ekhaya uMadlomo wafumana bayagula bonke phecelezi,omkhulu ogogo kanye nabanye.Nakhoke kwakufanele futhi kulungile ukubana asheshe aphindele edolobheni kusesemasishane ayokwazisa owangakwakhe khona naye azokwazi ukuba aphuthume alubhekise ekhaya kungakonakali.
Kunjalonje sasingaphiwa themba isitimela esasihambela kuleyo ndawo,yikho naye akummangalisanga ukubana nomanje wasuke kusesemini enkulu,,wagcina efinyelela edolobheni sekuphakathi kwamabili.
Endlini apha!Yisisanasana umshado wezinja.Bayaphulazana uDube noNondindwa wakhe,sebemanzi te.lgazi eliningi elemizimba yabo seligelezele ezithweni zabo zangasese.Sebefile yi ekisayithimenti.Wayesekhefuzela owakwa Dube.UNondinwa yena esekhalisa okosana ecela alabhele ukubana umnuDube amqedisele ngokushesha ngoba esefile wukuqhanyelwa.Kepha kube ingcuphe.'Gugugu'kube nomsindo emnyango wangaphambili.Kukhona onqonqozayo.Bafikelwe ukwethuka okudibene nokucasuka ngalomuntu okhethe ukuzevakasha khona ngqe ngomzuzwana kufanele baqale lendabandaba yabo.Kwaba nokuthula okukhulu ngaphandle komsindo wokuhonqa kukaDlamini yena owayeyisiqashi lapha kwaDube, esebenzisa ikamelo lesipeya.'Gugugu'kubuye kuqhubeke futhi okhu kunqonqoza,khona manje kulandelwa yizwana lowesifazana elimnanjana lithi lona. 'vula Dube sthandwa yimi uMadlomo umkakho'.
Weqa watatazela uDube eqonda ekamelweni apho kwakulele khona isiqashi uDlamini.Apha ezandleni uphethe uNondindwa wakhe kalula nje sasana olunyangantathu.UDlamini wayeyimvu yomuntu,eyindoda esabathayo.Nomanje wayeqashile apha ,babevele sebephathana sabafo begazi noDube.Yikho waphanga wayizwisisa lenkinga eyayisehlele umfowabo,wavuma ukumkhipha emlonyeni wengwenya ngokumgcinela isidandane sakhe okwalobobusuku.Wavula umnyango uDube ejuluka izithukuthuku samuntu obekade eshosholoza.
Sebesembhedeni waqala ukushwashwatha ezasekhaya uMadlomo.'Dube sthandwa,ngilana nje angisenawo amandla ngesimo esisekhaya.Kugula wonke umndeni belo'[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]umsindo lo ubuya ngasekamelweni likaDlamini.'ukhulu yena,' kuqubeka uMadlomo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]umsindo uyaqhubeka.
Uyawuzwa lumsindo uDube kodwa uzama ukukushaya indiva nje ngoba engafuni ukukuvuma neze ukubana umnumzana ohloniphekayo njengo Dlamini engamana angenwe wusathane kalula njena nje.'kasavuke la phansi umkhulu',uyaqhubeka uMadlomo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]
Wazincweba idolo uDube,wazwela ubuhlungu.Wakukholwa impela ukubana lumsindo uvelela embhedeni kaDlamini,futhi kumgceke ukuba useshaya ihlandla lesibili uDlaminindini lo.
Wajuluka ngolaka uDube.'This is bullshit',ngephutha waphumisela uDube.'Bhulushiti kanjani sthandwa abantu bephatheke kanjena lena ekhaya?'Wabuza uMadlomo ngokumangala okungaphezulu.'Ngyasho nje just'.kusho uDube nempendulo ongaze wayikhomba inhloko nomsila wayo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]Wakuzwa njalo lokhu uDube ,wazi njalo ukubana nomakanjani useshaya ihlandla lesithathu umnuDlamini.
Wayengumuntu onaso isineke nobekezelo umfokaDube kodwa hatshi ma sekunokudelela okunjena.
Waphuma uDube samntu olubhekise esambuzini kepha wadla ijiko waseyama phambi komnyango wekamelo likaDlamini.Usecasuke!Wena owabona imamba.Kunjalo nje wayesazi kamhlophe ukubana ukuvele aphaphalaze nje ayiphathe kabi lendaba inqgobe zisala ngaye.Wanqonqoza emnyango kaDlamini ngomsindo nangamandla aphindiweyo uDube,esho ememeza futhi.'Dlamini!Dlamini!,siyagulelwa ekhaya.Uyangizwa Dlamini? Ngithe siyagulelwa ekhaya Dlamini.Siyaguleeeelwa.' UDlamini waphendula ngezwi lomntu ofayo athi.'Ngi-ngi-ngiye-yezwa ba-ba-baba Du-du-dube'.[tswiki tswiki tswiki........]

#26419 - 10/03/05 06:15 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
sithembolwakhe Offline

Registered: 06/22/05
Posts: 89
Loc: zimbabwe,nkayi ,koSikhobokhobo
Ngikulibha ngento yami engena ngekhanda iphume ngezibunu
IMPENDULO:Nguwindi katshova

#26420 - 10/03/05 10:57 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
Mabila Offline

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Haaaa Sthembolwakhe! Sikuthembile ngempela hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

#26421 - 10/04/05 11:48 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
kaMjaji Offline

Registered: 06/08/04
Posts: 329
Loc: ESkwakweni
UDlodlo(kesiphumuze omunye) wayenga-shoti esililweni noma ngesakobani. Wadlula komunye umuzi bewatshe amakhetheni. Wangena esezikhalisa esithi " Umuyi bo, umuyi bakithi usesitshiyile" etsho ehlala phambi kweqaga lamahewu.
Bamphendula bethi "Hayi Siwatshamakhetheni" Yena waqhubeka ebeka iqhaga phansi esula umlomo ethi "uSiwatshamakhetheni booh, wasitshiyela indubeko mfowethu Siwatshamakhetheni"

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