I am one of those guys who have dedicated to my marriage
and the future of my marriage,am not saying I am perfect but I do make those man mestakes.
1.I have regitsered 1 of our properties(not bonded)in her name,2 in my name (obviously bonded)
2.I have registered 3 of our cars in her name(obviously not on credit)2 of them in my name which are on credit
3.I have done the death beneficiaries on her on 50%.the resst on kids.
4.I have told my aunts cousins,and including her close relatives,that when i die they should not touch my stuff it is for the kids.
5.she has been doin the groceries ever since we were together.
6.I have paid lobola,noma nje ngikaqedi,esintwini liyazi lani.

my problem is:
she started a burial with her mother,on her mothers side,its just the mother,her,her uncle,umamomncane,umamomdala,lo-mntaka malume wakhe(only).abafowabo bona abajoyinanga.
Remember again she is not working,

I asked her what does it cover?
she says"the member,the member's kids and relatives"
I said how do you define a relative?
she says"umntaka mamoncane or umntaka mamomdala"

I then asked her why she did that since I have joined two burials.she told me that:

I(myself as I am writing) do things on my own,I dont consider her in my life,&
why dont I marry her,she is not secure,
she says I have told my relatives ukuthi the things are for the kids.so yena ke?.

Isiqalo salokhu konke ukuthi kuvele akutshoyo was that she got some phone numbers awo mngane wakhe,it turned ukuthi she is suspicious,
it then happened ukuthi she got them with some docs awe WILL,unfortunately umgane wakhe was helping me with the wording of the will,you know there are some terms that we do not know except for the lawyers,(the friend is a lawyer she did not charge me anyway)the friend did not know ukuthi ngibuzela ini
ngoba I was doin it over the phone,over a period of a month I was phoning her everyday.

all the above numbered fro 1-6 she new about except about the WILL thing.which ngiyidabulile after ngibone i-vulavuliwe,(everyone can do that anyway).

Angazi ke nxa lingeza lemibona mhlawumbe mina ngile problem
ngoba i need this marriage thing to work.isifika isisthupha iminyaka kulowu mendo.

Ngiyakuzwa nsizwa yakithi. Isikhalo sika lavi wakho ngibona sivela ekuthini kawu mtshadanga and umethusile lapho uthe impahla yenu ngeyabantwana if ungafa wena yena esaphila. Khumbula futhi ukuthi kuthiwa 'into yakho ngeyakhe, eyakhe ngeyakho' ngakho mtshade umnike leyo 'security' ayikhalelayo umama.

Once lisenza izinto ngasese komunye endlini, sekonakala. Jika uhambe indlela esobala ku lavi laye enze kanjalo uzabona konke kulunga nje.

mpho :
but i can not disclose the will.
ngicela ubalisise kahle lendaba yami.

Makhinte
Ngiyafisa kakhulu to contribute kuhlupho lwakho. Kodwa ke ngicitshe ngiphiceke kancane angazi kumbe ungasiza na.
Kwesinye isahluko ensukwini ezidlulileyo ukhulume okwejaha ebelithandana lentombi , lehlukaniswa yibuzanka bakhe. Later you reconciled, but you were under fear ukuthi ungabe usudlisiwe njengo kutsho kua bhururu wakho. Ngingazi mnewethu lumuntu osukhuluma ngaye kulesi sahluko is it the same person owake wenza ubuzanka? If she isn't are you sure your wife is no aware of your extra marital affairs? Are you sure she is a problem or you are now comparing her with your girl friend and in the process magnifying her shortcomings?

Gaselomhle:
that was a girl friend owobuzanka.
Lapha sengikhuluma ngomuntu esengileminyaka
ngilaye owangasendlini.izanka lafika ngivele ngilalo
owasendlini.
i am not comparing her with a girl friend,she is on her own problems.

Mnumzana,

Uyabona into yomuzi ngeyababili kuphela. Uma ungaba lentombi yobuzanka lobo obutshoyo, ubulala owakho umuzi. Kuyawuyakaza, kuwuchithe, uphele sakusoma, ngoba inhliziyo yakho isendaweni ezimbili loba ungala(denial). Every man wants to be the best his woman desires, so it is only natural that as you are with your playgirl, you might take your supposed wife for granted because you think you are the best thing that ever happened to her.

Now from a woman's point of view I am telling you that we female species have a sixth sense when it comes to you cheating, she does not need to catch you, she knows by instinct something is shaking her nest.
My point being, when you are only with the love of your life be true to her and she will not feel the need to look for insurance elsewhere but from you.

Yaah! Uyitsho kahle Makhinte, kodwa yeka kesizwe odade ukuthi bathini.

Ever since the advent of the marriage certificate and its british rights and preveleges, umfazi remains part yangakibo no matter what you do. The only people important to her are her martenal line of relatives. Can a marrigae cetificate change this? I doubt.

Woman sometimes have a selfish desire to grab everything if you die babuyele kibo. They never develop strong roots for the family into which they have been married. But this is the whole reason we pay "amalobolo" and not canal knowledge.

Makhinte
Umbono wami yilo, insika yomuzi luthando phakathi kwababili. Intokozo lempumelelo kubudlelwano bababili beyeme ekuthandaneni lekuzwananeni kwabo. Kubukeka sengathi usulesikhethi esithile uphila lonkosikazi wakho ngokunjalo ngileqiniso beselile-life style yenu. Lokhu okutsha are deviations from the life style you are used to. Uba lisathandana ngoqotho you will identify where your problem is emanating from and address it.
But like some one has already said inkinga enkulu ingaba sekuthini unkosikazi wakho feels it ukuthi she is sharing you with some one and probably due to lack of evidence (and/or her personality)can not explain her "new" conduct in that context.
Ke mbuze why are you cheating on her? Also are these children hers kumbe ngababanye abafazi?
Bear in mind an average woman rarely will take offence in you aportioning your richies among her own children and her self.

Bafowethu.

MAKHINTE, NGILENDUKU BENGIZAKUQANDA IKHANDA. UTHI USUNGITSHAYA SENGISUTHISEKILE LAMI.

Li Zwangendaba.

gaselo:
These are her own kids with me.Well the first question about cheating part of it:there is some communication problems,especialy when it comes nxa sesisobabili.

Makhinte ufundile yini umuntu wakho lowu. Mhambise esikolo, kulakho ukumsiza ekucabangeni differently and she is likely to interract with a polished caliber of pple.
Okwe communication it's a challenge to you as a man. Kanti aze akuqome wawukhomunikhethe njani. Use the same tacts to win her back.
Okunye njalo kungenzeka ukuthi uyamtshitshiliza lapha ecansini. Melaphe ngosiba lwakho, dweba kuzwakale sandoda, uyathamba kuphela. Ezemaceleni lezi azibhadali kangako, it will create more problems for you.