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#26402 - 09/18/05 12:43 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 *****
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
lNKULUMO ZABETSHABI[part 2]

26.Chikafu chekuno hachinake, hachina door
nechekudheni.
27.Boys dzinematsamba d zinoda kuwanza but hapana musoro wadziri kumboita.
28.Bus pass rangu mudhosvo, matsaga ekuno haakete chunhu, ajaira kungotrasta munhu wese.
29.Ini handidi kugara area ine maZimbo hobho shaa-aa,anokudzoseresa kumba or even kukutorera murume kana usingazive.
30.Vanhu vari kuZimbabwe havambozivi moto watiri kuona kuno, chavo kuda mari chete.
31.Usanyeberwe, this guy ane mukadzi nemwana kuZimbabwe.
32.Manje Zimba rizere kuLuton, kuSlough nekuLeicester.
Unoita kunge uri kufamba kuMbare chaiko. Apa Aids iri kubva yawandawo.
33.Hona kuda kuvhaira nemasports car avakazozivira kuno kuUK.
34.Akauya achirwara uyu atozosimba nefood neweather.
35.Akatumira boyfriend yake ticket and ichingopinda yakabva yamutiza.
36.I don't know kuti vasina hama dziri kuUK vari kupona nei chaizvo.
37.Mazuvano ndiri kurova ma nights nema long hours chete because zvinhu hazvina ku mira bhoo kumusha. Kuno tichafa ne stress chete.
38.So far ndazadza ma suit case three nehembe, kwasara ma cell phones nedvd player zvekutumira kumusha.
39.Hanzi mukadzi ari kuhura ari kuZimbabwe iye achikuvara neshift kudayi, ende zvakaoma.
40.Ariko kuZimbabwe ari stuck nenyaya yevhiza.
Takamuti ayedze Malawian passport.
41. Wati Pound kuZimbabwe ririkuchinjwa nemarii??
42.Shamwari mukadzi ndewekutotsvaga uchiri kumusha kwete izvi zvekuno.
43.Akaita luck akawana 'indefinite stay' saka at least aakukwanisa kumbodzokera kudheni.
44.Ha-a iwe takangofanana mhani, matsamba whether no matsamba tese tiri zvipoko.
45.Kuno hakuuyiwe nevana because vanokutadzisa keunda kushift.
46.Akatoita funeral yekuchema ari paphone atadza kuenda kumusha since ari chinyahwe.
47.Manje ukada kuteedzera zvemajama hautenge stand kumba.
48.Takuvara nekurera vana. Dai tiri kuZimba taitsvaga musikana webasa.
49.This time ndomboendawo neBritish Airways, nekuti
Mazarura haasi kutembeka anogona kupera peturu muri mudenga.
50.Ko iye Mugabe ari kumbonzi akafa wani?

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#26403 - 09/18/05 02:07 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
KwakungolweSithathu emini

KwakungolweSithathu emini ngerisese ngizicashele ekhabetheni eklasini, ngibalekela uthish' uMzobe, kanti uzovele angene khona ekilasini ndini lelo.Phela umsebenzi wasekhaya bengingawenzanga.Kuthe kungakapholi maseko wayesengena njalo uthishelakazi Mdletshe, base bekhulumela phansi behleba ukuthi, kuzothi ngelantshi uma sekulungiselelwa umdlalo kanobhusthuzwayo owawuzobakhona ebaleni, bona baye estoreroom lapho kugcinwa khona izimpahla zesikole. Ngangisakwazi nokuphefumula phela ekhabetheni lelo,ngilalele uMzobe encenga ukuthi uMaMdletshe ake amhlephulele. Ngangicabanga phela ukuthi isinkwa lesi uMzobe ayekhuluma ngaso , kanti ngishaye phansi kwashunqa uthuli, Mzobe ndini lo wayezicelela imomozi nje,ngangilokhu ngizwa uhleko insinsitheka ingane yakwa Mdletshe. Bathi nje bephuma eklasini nami ngaphuma ngayongena estoreroom leso ngayozishutheka emva komnyango owawuncikiswe odongeni.Akuphelanga mizuzu emingaki zase zithelela izigilamkhuba, bangena wakhiya uMzobe wayese ekhipha isikhiye emnyango, maqede wakhumula usafari wawulengisa esipikilini somnyango engangicashe emva kwawo, lwangithi heqe uvulo nenjabulo kanyenkanye. Nembala uMzobe wamphulula kabili kathathu ezinqeni uMaMdletshe ngambona ekhumula izibuko zamehlo uMaMdletshe ezibekela ecale.Wamxhuma ulimi khona lapho, waze waphakamisa unyawo olulodwa uMiss Mdletshe. Basingathana bacisho bawa phansi kwazise nendawo yayincane bo estoreroom. Wathi ukuqhela kancane uMzobe walunguza, ngiyabona wayeqinisekisa ukuthi babengabonwa, engazi phela ukuthi ugalakajana oyimina wayebukela bukhoma umdlalo wabo lo. Kwabuya okunguMzobe kwamenyusa isiketi uMiss Mdletshe kwancoma idilozi ayelifakile elibomvu, wamamatheka into engapheli umisi. Wamcela ukuba adunuse abambelele kuwo kanye umnyango lo ngangicashe emva kwawo, waba eseguqa umfoka Mzobe esemkhotha ngemuva umisi.Waphefumulela phezulu umisi equmisa okwesiguli esisezinhlungwini esibhedlela, elokhu ethi "Hawe Mzobe kodwa wawukuphi sonke lesis'khathi".Waphakama lapho uMzobe wehlisa ibhukwe lakhe , webakithi! angizange ngiyibone mina into enje, wathi uma ehlisa isikhindi sangaphansi yaphuma ibhanyaza futhi ime mpo isimenyezela into emnyama tsu, iqhanse nemithambo.Mukhulu nawu umthondo, kwethuka mina ngizicashele ngaze ngaphathwa nayingwici.uMzobe wamqhweba umisi emkhombisa imbomboshe yomthondo wakhe, wake wama umisi ebuka isibhombolozi lesi ngambona ejuluka ikhala kuphela. Mina ngase ngifile ukuqhanyelwa, kwadilozi engangilifakile selimanzi te.Wayesembamba ngesandla ekhanda umisi emphushela ngakuwo belu umthondokazi. Wabuza umisi kuMzobe ukuthi enzeni manje, lapho uMzobe wayebhodlisa okwethole uma ekhuluma esemtshela ukuthi ancele phela umbelekazi lo ngomlomo.Wawuthinta sakuwuxwaya ngomunwe elokhu ehleka uhleko lomuntu othukile. Wawufaka emlomeni kwabakanye wakhwehlela waze wagonyuluka, okwathi kusuka uMzobe wathi kulungile akayeke. Ngabona lapho ukuthi uMzobe ulwazi lakhe alujulanga nje kwi Meks (izibalo phela) kodwa nakwezocansi uhamba yedwa uMzobe.Wamphindisela khona emnyango wami umisi emdunusisa, wamfaka umunwe ngemuva.Wakhala umisi ngahlekela ngaphakathi ngisho ngenhliziyo ukuthi uhlala esibhambabula ngenduku nje naye uyakhala kanti. Ngithe ngisathi nje ngishintsha imilenze yami ngoba ngase ngikhathele ukuma ngezwa ngomnyango ungiciphiza kakhulu, ngezwa futhi nomisi ekhala ethi "Hawe Ma, hawe Nkulunkulu wami". Ngalesokhathi uMzobe wayeseyiphonse phakathi imamba kumisi,efenda ngolukhulu udlame lolu, kwakunyakaza izinto kwaze kwawa namahalavu esikole ayencike odongeni, ngingasaphathi-ke okwami ngoba isicabha lesi sasithe ne kimi ngingasakwazi nokwenzani ngisho nokufaka umunwe lo ngoba isibumbu sami sasesiluma futhi sifutha kabi.Uyabhebha uMzobe , ngezwa kuqhuma usuzo, engingazanga ukuthi lalibuya kubani,ngahlekela ngaphakathi namaphaphu ami esebuhlungu nokubabuhlungu.Umisi wayesehema elokhu ethi "hawe Jesu uJerico wani, angisamfuni lothekwane". UMzobe yena wayebheke phezulu eZulwini ehline ebusweni wawungathi ugwinya amalangabi, lapho wayesenesishwapha owawungafunga ukuthi indlovu iyosithela, ethe ne emvakwa misi. Mina ngokuphelelwa umoya manje ngenxa yokuhleka nokucishizwa umnyango, ngagcina sengiveze ikhanda ecaleni komnyango, ngisithwe usafari kaMzobe kancane.Nami ingqondo yayibuye kubesengathi iyahamba ukuqhanyelwa,okuthe uma ngithi phapha ngabona uMzobe ethe njo kulesisikhala engangilunguze kuso. Ngambona ehlahla amehlo engibhekile okwathi emva kwesikhashana wagexezisa ikhanda sakuvuma, elokhu engibhekile kodwa eqhubekile nokubhebha. Ngase ngimhalela ngifisa ukuphuma nami angimangaze,ngoba kwa boy flend yami uMhlebeni kuzothatha isikhathi ukuthi afinyelele kuleliyazinga. Ngambona uthisa ngelanga elilandela wangibizela ecaleni,wathi ufuna ngiyoklina estoreroom ngolweSihlanu ntambama, ngifunde kwezami ukuthi usho ukuthini. Angisakwazi ukulinda.

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#26404 - 09/19/05 09:41 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
Bank Robbery
This is just too funny +disgusting not to share Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery.....Once inside the bank shortly after midnight,their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately.The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.The robbers cracked the first safe's combination,and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system,one robber said, At least we'll have a bit to eat.The robbers opened up a second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.The process continued until all safes were opened.They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond,or an ounce of gold.
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit,each leaving with nothing more than a queasy,uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
" IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING..."

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#26405 - 09/21/05 02:17 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
Mabila Offline
Nkosi
***

Registered: 05/14/04
Posts: 2124
Loc: Ayowa
Amen!! Allelua


A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the
river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down.

The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river'".


THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUYA!!!!!

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#26406 - 09/21/05 08:23 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
hlathi81 Offline
Ndunankulu

Registered: 10/14/03
Posts: 574
Loc: gwanda..
mabila ungayenzi so..uzasibulala <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

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#26407 - 09/21/05 12:34 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
A man 4got to zip up so a lady tells him ;u left yo garage open .man asks;did yu see my black merc parked inside? woman ans,no just a mini cooper with flat tyers .

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#26408 - 09/22/05 09:14 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
kaMjaji Offline
Nduna

Registered: 06/08/04
Posts: 329
Loc: ESkwakweni
SERIOUS TECHNICAL SUPPORT ISSUE!!!


18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make
matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a
shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to FiancHe 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I
found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run.

Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and
could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had
forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer
and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often
crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install
Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has
alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it
tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please?

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#26409 - 09/22/05 01:48 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
WOMAN
The best way of describing a woman is to use a ball. . .
At 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
At 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men after her.
At 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man after her.
At 48, she is a Ping-Pong ball - 2 men pushing her to each other.

What women think about sex?
At age 8 ignore it.
At age 18 experience it.
At age 28 look for it.
At age 38 ask for it.
At age 48 beg for it.
At age 58 pay for it.
At age 68 pray for it.
At age 78 forget it!

MAN
The best way of describing a man is to compare him to fruits. . .
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled &cheap.

Man's sexual chemistry
At 20s thrice weekly.
At 30s tries weekly.
At 40s tries weakly.
At 50s tries & tries.
At 60s tries & cries.
At 70s tries & dies!

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#26410 - 09/25/05 05:06 PM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
mninimuzi Offline
Nduna
*****

Registered: 08/12/05
Posts: 456
Loc: EMNQAMLEZWENI
AFFAIR
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job
to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off
to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of
Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest
private
part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said
the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be
cremated with a tremendously huge private part like
this. It has to be saved for posterity."
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the
dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a
briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed
it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that
you won't believe," he said, and opened up his
briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!"

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#26411 - 09/26/05 03:40 AM Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2
joskeyi Offline
Sakhamuzi

Registered: 11/10/04
Posts: 88
Loc: injololo
A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL FINALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO TO A PARTY ALONE,


SINCE SHE WAS GOOD LOOKING,

SHE WAS A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT TO DO IF BOYS HIT ON HER, HER MOM SAID,

IT'S VERY EASY WHENEVER A BOY STARTS HIITING ON YOU, YOU ASK HIM "WHAT

WILL BE THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" THAT WILL SCARE THEM OFF, SO SHE WENT.


AFTER A LITTLE WHILE AT THE PARTY A BOY STARTED DANCING WITH HER, AND

LITTLE BY LITTLE, KISSING HER AND TOUCHING HER. SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT

WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" THE BOY FOUND SOME EXCUSE AND DISAPPEARED.


SOME TIME LATER THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN, A BOY STARTED TO KISS HER

NECK,HER SHOULDERS........ SHE STOPPED HIM AND ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL BE

THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" HE RAN OFF.

LATER ON, ANOTHER BOY INVITED HER FOR A WALK, AFTER A FEW MINUTES HE

STARTED KISSING HER AND SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?"

HE CONTINUED,NOW SLOWLY TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE

CALLED?"

SHE ASKED ONCE MORE. HE BEGAN TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY

BE CALLED?" SHE ASKED AGAIN.


AFTER HE WAS DONE,HE PEELED OFF HIS CONDOM,TIED IT IN A KNOT AND

SAID....

"IF HE GETS OUT OF THIS ONE.........He will be called McGyver

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