Re: Imbambo az' yephuke

Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 11:11 AM

I entered into the public toilet, I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

---------------------------------------------
Lawe faka indaba ezangephul' imbambo
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 12:37 PM

okunje kuthiwani bakwethu

Case 1
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A kid
replied: The legs because every night I see my mum's legs up high
screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

Case 2
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say,
"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

Case 3
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
ANSWER: When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But
when you pull down the PANTY..........IT'S SHOWTIME.

Case 4
MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast, say
DON'T?
And if he touches your v*g*na say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both, so I told him......DON'T
STOP!!!!!!
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 01:16 PM

Soweto

Hola Kau!

Amnandi amahlaya akho. But baba, be careful -izicukuthwane zalumkhandlu zingawacima amahlaya angekho clean njengalana awakho!

Keep it clean baba.

Otherwise ziyakhipha gazilam!

Seven phezulu!
Ezase kasi!

Heita daar!

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 01:44 PM

Ek se my broe!

A coloured drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism.

The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks,"Have you seen Jesus?" The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus".

When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?" He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water for a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied "No old man." Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time and pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?"

The drunkard replied, "Ekse my broer, are you sure he fell into this river?"

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 06:26 PM

Mntongs ingihlephunile skeem leyi oyifake phezulu lana... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Manikeza was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Manikeza was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Manikeza's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Manikeza told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted!
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 08:38 PM

(Mabila should enjoy this one <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> )

Dear Tech Support,

Subject: Wife
I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Clubnight 10.3, Drunken Boys
Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favourite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Joe

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a
"UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend
7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I
recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having
Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume
all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to
enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of
the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIES
command before the operating system will return to normal. The
system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the
GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider
buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.
Posted by: nobhutshuzwayo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/22/04 10:30 PM

kuthiwa kwakuleyinye injiva eyayi "gibele" umtshova koBulawayo. manje angithi ungahlala ube ngowesithathu uhlala isibunu esisodwa on one seat, and the next butt on the other seat. So kuthiwa injiva ibe iphakamisa itshoba. Manje sekulephunga emotweni so abantu sebeyabuza ukuthi kanti ngubani osuzileyo??? Injiva yaphendula yathi

"Yimina, mara ngizophinda ngisuze njalo umasesizofika emarobothini"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/23/04 01:26 AM

Nguyena mfazi mfazi manje u Operating System! Ngenkani! Wangibulala bhudas. Ngiqhunse lona olwemthonjeni! Lenjiva yomtshova hathsi bo! Kulenkinga lapha emtshoveni!
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/23/04 08:37 AM

Imisebenzi iyatshiyana bakwethu njalo abanye balemisebenzi ebabulalisa ngembambo nsuku zonke wena ungathini nxa unguwe okumele uphendule incwadi ezinje....
The following extracts come in response to an advert in a South African woman's magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people whose first (or even second) language is NOT English and who live a very rural existence.

Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as Vaginitis.The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of them from women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them. The letters were collected by the advertising agency that created the Femina ad who swear that every single one of them is genuine.

1. My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English copy of your vaginitis. Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell.
2. I am one of those with a virginal problem. I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable.
3. Dear sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex. The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.
4. How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help.
5. Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex?
6. My husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina at bedtime. Please send me more information about these vaginal erections.
7. My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine.
8. Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me.
9. With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal infection very handy and unavoidable. I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain.
10. My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy. I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all. I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity.
11. I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions.
12. Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do.
13. Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it. My virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my husband alone, but he says I am a bitch.
14. I slept with many men. Can you close my virginia for me.
15. I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant.
16. The first time noticed vaginal infection was in your advert.
17. My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesn't help. Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell. Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written. Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection.
18. I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me. My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection. I never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them publicly advertised.
19. I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older, and please reply as soon as it is convenient for me.
20. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse.
21. My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork?
22. When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room freshener, now I am 18 and I need your help. Please send any good and large information
to suffering vagina.
23. According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my promised one. She urges me so help me to help her. My new address (address supplied) but please send your reply to my old address, can I get vaginal infection without prescription.
24. Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe.
25. My husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex. I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem. The bath water must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the same water. I have re-organised my virginia recently.
26. It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do not have vaginitis.
27. How are you at that side or Randburg? I hail to you with my wife's vaginal infection from Zimbabwe but I know that some people order the thing without knowing them of seeing in other words they order them for nothing without using them.
28. I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected. I cannot tell my mother about it: she has no vagina.
29. The last time I looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere.My vagina was discharged recently.
30. My vagina is deceased.
31. I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you.
32. I hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis.
33. I have this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so you can study it better. I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina. My nose cannot reach it properly. But I promise, my body also has some healthy parts.
34. How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl. Thank you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins. I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach you. I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure.
35. Please rescue my vaginal cavity from attack, sir, and send me this infection quickly. This Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex. Also my eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop looking at them.
36. I air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's regret.
37. At todays price of water, I'd rather use Nelex.
38. I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned. You will find the vaginal infections at the above address.
39. Please send me everything. The Nelex, the vaginal infections, the vaginitis, the reliable relief from symptoms.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/23/04 08:47 AM

Heaven is when you have: a British salary, an American home, Chinese food, a German car and a zimbabwean wife.
Hell is when you have: An American car, a British wife, a Chinese home, German food and a zimbabwean salary.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/23/04 03:26 PM

Incwadi ka Tisha.

Mzali othandekayo,
Sekungaphezu kwamandla ami, safa ngephunga. Geza ingane bo!

Yimi ozithobayo
uTisha.

Impendulo ka Mzali

Tisha othandekayo
Fundisa ingane, musa ukuzinuka, mhlathikanyoko.

Ngokuzithoba,
uMzali
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/23/04 11:35 PM

Tr:
what's your favourite subject?

Snt:
break time.

Tr:
uyihlo uthanda kudla mhlobo bani?

Student:
amakhandlela.

Tr:
ini?(ngokumangala okukhulu)

student:
nxa sesilala uyathi kumama citsha ngidle.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/24/04 06:48 AM

Majida, lizangi xhwalisa, ngiyimpintshi engu swi!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/25/04 06:02 AM

This story happened about a month ago in Soweto, and even when it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no car went by, the storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closes the door, just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The car starts slowly; the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve.

The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest township. Wet and in shock, he goes to a tavern and asks for two shots of Brandy and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying and....wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked in the same tavern and one said to the other, "Look, Mfowetu, that's the idiot that got in the car when we were pushing it."
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/25/04 02:43 PM

Umthandazo wobubha (Phecelezi, a prayer of poverty!)

Mugabe is my shepherd, I shall not work.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches.
He leadeth me beside the still factories and dry land.
He restoreth my faith in the MDC.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment.
Ya! Though I walk through the valley of the soup kitchen, I shall still be hungry.
For I feel thy evil against me.
Thou hast anointed my income with tax.
My expenses will always exceed my salary.
Surely poverty and hard living will always follow me.
All the days of floods, government levies and referendum.

Amen

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/25/04 06:31 PM

Umtshifana wayeshaye iround eByo ngekhisimusi...uma efika kuLobs street wabona amahumps agcwele emgwaqweni..umtshifana wathi...shit man,abantu basekhaya bayithandile lembambayila,sebeyoyihlanyela nasemgwaqweni,hayi suka booh.
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/25/04 07:47 PM

Kuthiwa iSinotimba ubegibele imbombela esuka emzini wamakhosi koBulawayo esebuyela kibo emzini wesigundwaneni eHalale. Bathi ubelande umhlangano wama O vetereni khonapha okwakuyi Southern Sun buza thina esasikhona kangazi ukuthi lamhlanje sekuyini!

Kuthe isitimela sisanda kwedlula eGwelu wazizwa efikelwa yis'thongwana wahle cabanga ukuthi ake alale. Uthe ngaphamb' kokuthi aye kwelamathongo, wacela omunye wabafana bakhe abonakale ehamba labo ukuthi makavuswe uma umbombela ewela iqaqa lases'gundwaneni e Halale. Kwaba njalo.

Kuthe esejumekile uSinotimba wezwakala enqoleni yonke kambombela ehoqa esezephikisana lamavili kambombela ngoku hehelezela. Kodwa kungasilokho into ebisethusa kulabo ababem'bona behlezi duze laye uSinos yikuthi wayelele wakhamisa umlomo, kuthi nxa ehoqa edonsa umoya intshebe zakhe zengene emlonyeni, kuthi nxa ekhulula umoya lazo zilandele ziphephuka. Iphunga lomphefumulo bathi kwakungani ulidle selibolile igundwane!

Nanto elinye lalo eliphaphathekayo elilamawala njengemota kayise lithi libona konke lokhu kusenzakala lakhumbula ukuthi kelisize umfowabo uSinotimba limgele indevu lezi ngoba angaqabuka esezi ginyile bangamyekela. Lamgela sibili waze wasala ephuce njengobunu losane. Konke lokhu kwenzakala unkalakatha uyaphupha. Bathi wabonakala ehlafuna sazi ukuthi wayephupha esidlani.

Kuthe umbombela ekhilikithela ewela iqaqa lases'gundwaneni umfanakhe wamvusa njengokuthembisa kwakhe uSinosi, kodwa waqhubeka ehoqa, njalo ehlafuna. Umfana wakhathala. Kuthe isitimela sisima es'tishini seHalale, umfana kaSinosi wazama njalo ukumvusa, waze wavuka ke uSinos.

Uthe efika emzini wahlalahlala okwemizuzuz ethile wasengena endlini encinyane, wazibona esibukweni uSinotimba wethuka. Wama wazibuka. Wabona ubuso obumcwaka obungela nsthebe.

Bathi uzwakale esithi " Lomfana madhodha, wenzeleni into enje. Khangela uvuse umuntu ongasuye!" <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/25/04 07:52 PM

Hayi bo bhudas! Phuza kuhle ukhamba, sesizakona lapho esihlezi khona!
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/26/04 12:06 AM

HOW MUZENDA DIED

KUTHIWA UMZENDA LOMGABE LOFATHER LOMFANYANA WESIKOLO BABENDIZA NGENDIZA BEHLABIKHEFU. indiza yasisiba lefault from which the pilot declared emergency parachute-exit, however he had only four sets of which he grabed one and tossed the other three to his passengers.

Mugabe, as the president, he took one and exited muzenda as a vice he was offered one he grabed it and off he went.

the priest gave the last one to the young man coz he still had a future . the boy said we still have two sets. the priest said "no my son"

the boy said "Muzenda took my satchel when he jumped"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/28/04 12:09 PM

umzenda bathi kakhethe indlela afuna ukubulawa ngayo yena wathi abamee mbijana uyeza usaya esambuzini, ngemva kwemizuzwana emilutshwana wayesphendukile umzee wathi yena indlela afisa ukufa ngayo yikuthi bemhlabe ijekisni elamagcikwane e HIV-AIDS. Lakanye bamhlaba ubaba umzee,, bathe bemhlaba yena ebhizi ehleka kwaze kwamangala wonke umuntu owayelapho ngakho wabuzwa ukuthi uhlekani yena wathi ubahleka ubuwula ngoba bamhlaba ijekiseni elamagcIkwane bengazi ukuthi ugqoke icondom.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/28/04 12:32 PM

umzenda sekukhulunya imitsho elebala elithi beans(Indumba) ujonathan wathi my wife likes backed beans...umsika wathi yena in my farm I have a lot of beans for sale
umzenda wathi yena we are all human beans
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/28/04 06:06 PM

Kuthiwa u Mgabe to Mzenda babevakatshile phetsheya kwelamaNgisi lama khosikazi abo. Ngelanga lakuqala sekuzadliwa bacela uMgabe ukuthi akhulelekele ukudla, bakhothamisa amakhanda uMgabe wathi "Let's say Grace." Kwadliwa. Kusisa becela uMzenda ukuthi abusise laye ukudla. Bakhothamisa amakhanda njalo uMzenda wathi "Let's say Maud."
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/28/04 08:31 PM

Sengixotshwa elojeni, mayuyu, bo!
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/28/04 11:27 PM

umzenda loCanaan Banana bavakatshela eIsrael kwathiwa abazitsho amagama abo uBanana wazitsho umzenda wacabanga, njengoba bekuHoly Land, ibanana yisithelo i-canaan libizo lebhayibhilini wathi,"I am Jerusalem Pintshisi"
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 12:39 AM

ekushoneni kuka Mdala , uMzenda wezwakala ethu ku Albert Nyathi, " lami phela Nyathi ngingafa ungenzele lokhuya okuka nyongolos mafukufuku.....njengo Ngkomo
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 07:36 AM

umzenda kwathiwa bakhulume all the seas abawaziyo emhlabeni, ujonathan wathi Black sea
umgabe wathi Red sea
umzenda wathi DRC
Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 10:49 PM

Ebelenhlanhla udade ethi ukufika eNgilandi azitholele ubhudi weNgisi. Lize lifike lelo elingaliyo, kuyiwe ke ocansini, kanti lodade usejwayele umbuzo wakhe wokuthi "usuchamile?" Ezwakale ke udade esethi "have you urinated?" kumlungu wakhe lona.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 05:38 PM

Akula mkhuhlane onzima njengowenqondo!

Three men walk out of a mental hospital hoping to escape.

First one says; "If there is a high fence,we'll dig under it"

Second one says; "If there is a low fence we'll jump over it"

They look around and alas:
The third guy says " I guess we are ou of luck. There is no fence"

The three men walk back to their rooms.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 10:53 PM

Nango U Joe efika ku Tandisa ( umahotsha wenkomponi ongasatholi icustomer kalula)

Joe: Thandi konje ama rates ahamba njani.
Tandi: ( esho e moyizela kancane, R10 otshanini, R20 emotweni, R30 ngase mbedeni.
Joe: kawuboni ke mina ngilo R30.
Tandi: huu Joe konje ungifuna ngasembedeni?

Joe: hatshi Thandi, ngikufuna kathathu ngasotshanini, ubona angani ngingakunikeza R30 ngicame kanye?..... Kasambe
Tandi: hawu manje?
Joe: ngiyedlula ngiye dinga u Phindile lapho ungafuni.
Tandi: kasambe ngasotshanini.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/29/04 11:05 PM

Nango umfana womlungu evela eMelika uvakashile ngase Zimbabwe. imbali ngale kibo ithi umahotsha wase ZW ukukhipha ulimi.....

James usethole u simayedwa, kuvunyelwane kuyiwe lalwa. U Simayedwa amjika kie u James, azwekale umfana ethi, 'this is heaven mmmmmmmmm aahhhhh" abesesithi kuthiwa yini le special service, impendulo ithi yi Galakunjalo.
bathi sebeqedile ahlawule behlukane..emvakwensukwana u James afike lapho athola khona u Simayedwa kodwa mhlalokho athole esethethwe ngabanye.

Athi kungasenani aphephele ku Flata......Ekamelweni u james athi hatshi mani wena kawunginike kahle , mina ngi funa i galakunjalooooooo

Uflata usemangele ukuthi yintoni, Ujames awuhlabe ukhosi Galakunjalooo, Galakunjaloooooo......yaze yaphela ikhefu yakhe igalakunjalo waaaa
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/30/04 06:25 PM

A man had a bad case of stammering. he went ot many doctors over the years, and none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him " I beleive I found a reason for your stammering".
Tha man asked "Wha...wha...wha....what is my pro..pro...problem?"

The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stammering. The only solution to this is to perfom a penis transplant."

The man was really tired of his stammering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully perfomed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stammer, but I miss my pold penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back?"

The doctor shook his head and replied, "That's im...im..im..impo..impossible."
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 06/30/04 11:55 PM

Mabila

lawe futhi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 12:04 AM

Hayi Gestapo! At this rate mina angisoze ngafa ngagagasa.Im..impo...impossibe! Ngesabela lina! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" />
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 12:05 AM

an american guys tours china and contracts a deadly penis eating STD when he gets back home he tries all known avenues to no avail one surgeon was about to perform a $25k surgery. he went to a chinese surgeon who told him he had the best and cheapest treatment. on the appointed date he said" you, you americans love surgery too much, leave it 2 day only 2 gona fall by himself."
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 12:07 AM

uphose wangibulala ngeyokugagasa Mabila keep'em coming.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 01:08 AM

One day Chinoz was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa. A lady came and asked him " Are you relaxing?"
Chinoz answered "No I'm Chinoz."

Another guy came and asked him the same question. Chinoz answered, "No, No, Me Chinoz!"

A third one came and asked him the same question again. Chinoz was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked , "Are you relaxing?"

This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes I am relaxing."

Chinoz slapped him on his face and said "Stupedi,everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here."
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 07:24 AM

Husband to his wife. Yo butt is as big as a braai
stand. Later when he wants it he starts touching wife who remarks, "Why light a braai stand for half a sausage".
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/01/04 03:42 PM

The ZANU PF government announced today that it is changing it`s emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government`s political stance.A condom stands up to inflation,halts production,destroys the next generation,protects a bunch of pricks,and gives you a sense of security while it`s actually screwing you
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/02/04 12:32 AM

Bafowethu.

Newspaper Headline: "ZANU (PF) BRINGS NATION TO ITS FEET AGAIN".

The ZANU led gvt is proud to bring the nation to its feet as workers have to walk to work since there is no fuel in the country. Oooops!!!

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/02/04 10:05 PM

Four high school friends are reunited after 30yrs without seeing each other , then they started talking about their SONS.
The first guy : ' My son is sooooo rich he recently bought his friend a brand new Mercedes-Benz for his birthday"
The second guy: 'My son is filthy rich he recently bought his friend a Jet as a birthday present"
The third guy : "My son is in construction and he recently gave his friend a brand new mansion @ no cost for his birthday"
Then..... they turn to the 4th guy and ask him about his "Son"
The 4th guy answers: oh , My son is a homosexual and also a stripper at a night club.
They all respond: "what a disappointment for you"
He then answers: "No, I'm actually very proud of my son it was his birthday recently and he got a brand new Mercedes-Benz, Jet and a mansion from his boyfriends".
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/02/04 03:45 PM

MEDICAL AID vs TAX REBATE


YOU CANNOT BEAT AN INDIAN


An Indian couple both age 37, went to a sex
therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "what can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual
intercourse?"


The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the
couple finished
having the intercourse, the doctor said, "There's
nothing wrong with
the
way
you have intercourse", and charged them R70.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple
would make an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay
the doctor, then
leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you
trying to find
out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out
anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm
married and we can't
go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges R225. The
Hilton charges
R879. We
do
it here for R70, and I get R65 back from Discovery
Medical Aid!"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/06/04 10:31 PM

MAN IS LYING IN BED IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AN OXYGEN MASK OVER HIS MOUTH. A YOUNG
NURSE APPEARS TO SPONGE HIS HANDS AND FEET. "NURSE", HE MUMBLES FROM BEHIND THE
MASK, "ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" EMBARRASSED, THE YOUNG NURSE REPLIES,"I DON'T
KNOW, I'M ONLY HERE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AND FEET."
"HE STRUGGLES AGAIN TO ASK, NURSE, ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" FINALLY, SHE PULLS
BACK THE COVERS, RAISES HIS GOWN, HOLDS HIS PENIS IN ONE HAND AND HIS TESTICLES
IN HER OTHER HAND AND TAKES A CLOSE LOOK AND SAY'S,

"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!"

FINALLY, THE MAN PULLS OFF HIS OXYGEN MASK AND REPLIES,"THAT WAS VERY NICE
BUT, ARE... MY... TEST...RESULTS...BACK?"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/09/04 07:31 AM

Kwakulenye indoda yeskhalangeni ebikade ifuna ukuba umzulu mhlawumbe ithole umsebenzi egolie. Njengoba lisazi bakwethu ukuba uphile kuhle egoli kumele wazi isizulu. Ngakho ke lindoda kwayikhathaza kakhulu lokhu yaze yadinga omunye udokodela owathembisa ukuba angamenza ioperation akhuphe i 10% yeintelligence, afane noMzulu, becoz generally amaZulu are 10% less intelligent than amaKhalanga. Njengendoda eyayisiyi-desparado yavuma. ioperation yasisenziwa. Yenzeka ke inkemenkeme yendaba, udokotela nango ekhupha more than 10%, wakhupha 90%! Indoda le ithi uma ivuka udokotela wayibingelela "Uvuka njani ndoda?" yaphendula ithi "Ndamuka ko wamuka sei iwe?"!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/10/04 10:33 PM

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/11/04 01:03 AM

One of the city's top cardic specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of roses.

When the Pastor finished the sermon, everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly,one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral." the man replied. "I am a gynaecologist". <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/12/04 03:40 AM

woza lazo, musu'kusibulala ngembambo. Manje umhlobo wami ongumaBhimu yena uzakuthini mhla efileyo.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/12/04 02:38 PM

An illiterate Zwane went to the bank and pointed a gun on the cashier and said,
"Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!"

The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say HISTORY."

Poor Zwane answered, "Don't change the subject!"
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 01:35 AM

THE ADVENTURES OF Dr Mzee

umzenda lomgabe loNyongolo babekudinner eGermany umgabe wasecela umzee ukuthi amnathise, umzee wafica izimpompi yigolide kuphela wazama ukutshila waswela izibambo walozame nix amanzi ngenkulu inhlanhla wasewabona kwenyindlu wavukutha awu wanatha wabhodla umgabe. uMdala wasecela laye kumzee wasukumela phezulu s'khatshana wayesephendukile engelawo amanzi, wathi lapho engikhele khona ushefu ngithole sekuhlezi umuntu.
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 10:21 PM

Dear Mthwakazians,

We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman naked other than his wife, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So, this Saturday at 4:00 pm all women living in Mthwakazi are asked to walk out of their houses, completely naked, to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Taliban, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wives and to show support for all Mthwakazian women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack of castle at your side would be a further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

The Mthwakazian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 03:11 PM

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one
cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are
freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.Your body heat
Will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day
the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said,"My hands are
freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of
my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my
legs.The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he

said, "My penis is frozen solid."

the following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a
penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said,"Why, yes. Why do you
ask?" The daughter replies,"They make one hell of a mess when they
defrost, don't they?"
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 03:29 PM

25 Signs You Have Grown Up
1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.
2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question
3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.
4. 6:00 AM is when you get up, not when you go to bed.
5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.
6. You watch the Weather Channel.
7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.
8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.
9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."
10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door
won't turn down the stereo.
11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.
12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.
13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.
14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonalds leftovers.
15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.
16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6 PM.
17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of the beginning of
one.
18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3 AM would severely upset,
rather
than settle your stomach.
19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and
pregnancy tests.
20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."
21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.
22. "I just can't drink the way I used to," replaces, "I'm never going
to
drink that much again."
23. 90% of the time you spend in front of a computer is for real work.
24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.
25. You read this entire list looking desperately for just one sign that
doesn't apply to you..........and can't find a single one.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 03:34 PM

Two men waiting at the Pearly Gates strike up a conversation.

"How'd you die?" the first man asks the second.

"I froze to death," says the second.

"That's awful," says the first man.

"How does it feel to freeze to death?"

"It's very uncomfortable at first," says the second man. "You get the shakes,
and you get pains in all your fingers and toes. But eventually, it's a very calm
way to go. You get numb and you kind of drift off, as if you're sleeping. How
about you, how did you die?"

"I had a heart attack," says the first man. "You see, I knew my wife was
cheating on me, so one day I showed up at home unexpectedly. I ran up to the
bedroom and found her alone, knitting. I ran down to the basement, but no one
was hiding there either. I ran up to the second floor, but no one was hiding
there either. I ran as fast as I could to the attic, and just as I got there, I
had a massive heart attack and died."

The second man shakes his head. "That's so ironic," he says.

"What do you mean?" asks the first man.

"If you had only stopped to look in the freezer, we'd both still be alive."
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 06:41 PM

Liyangihlephuna bakithi,zimnandi,ziyahlabusa izidindi zenu..azibuye,lingadinwa.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/13/04 06:47 PM

A busload of politicians were driving down a
country road when, all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.
The old farmer, after seeing what happened, went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians. A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus and asked the old farmer where all the politicians had gone. The old farmer said he had buried them.
The sheriff asked the old farmer, "Were they ALL
dead?"
The old farmer replied, "Well, some of them said
they weren't, but you know how them politicians
lie."
"Some cause happiness wherever they go; others,
whenever they go."
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/14/04 02:12 PM

Kwakukhona intombi eyayisithandane isikhathi eside nesoka layo kodwa lutho ukuthi ikhulume udaba lokuthi izovela ngasekhaya. Kepha abangani bentombi bathathwa ubuthathaphu ngapha nangapha.

Kuthe langathize lentombi ilele nalelisoka yenza engathi isizumekile kanti cha. Isoka alikalali lona. Yashaya engathi iyaphupha ikhuluma ithi "Mhh..hh oThoko noZodwa sebeshadile mina sengisele ngedwa" Ikusho phela isephusheni mbumbulu.

Lizwe isoka ukuthi intombi iphuphani.Lithe lisuka nalo lenza sona leso lasholo nalo ebuthongweni engathi "Mhh..Mhh Indaba bona abafebi!"


uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/14/04 05:59 PM

There was a Shona man that had an meeting in France. He met a woman and that night they had their own meeting. While they were where having sex, she was yelling, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX." He did not know what that meant, but assumed it to be some sort of praise.

The next day, he went to play golf with the men he had the meeting with. One of them made a hole in one. He yelled, "TROU FAUX,TROU FAUX !"

They looked at him and said, "what do you mean wrong hole?"
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/15/04 11:23 AM

Umngcwabo kaGezephi!

Kufakaza umakhelwane emngcwabeni kaGezephi:
"Bakithi silahlekelwe, impela kuhambe ingane ebinesimilo".

Eqhubeka: "Ubeziphethe kahle nje u Gezephi sibonga lokho ukuthi akazange afane noDudu, Dudu sukuma bakubone..!!"

"Bakwethu yiso ke isifebe sendawo lesi, ngcono ngabe kufe sona kwasala uGezephi "

"Ngiyabonga , usungahlala phansi Dudu".


uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwaMtubatuba.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/15/04 05:52 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> UDudu usheshe wahlala phansi Mnto, bengicela umsukumise simbone lathi!!!
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/16/04 08:37 PM

ubaba uBanda esekhuluma emfeni ka sibongile,
Rani riyazi ronke kuti sibongire uyaqara kurara yedwa namshanje ekhangere phezhuru, rara ngokuthula shifebe sathuvi hamba uyefeba kwasathane
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/16/04 09:43 PM

kwasekusifa uMthembu eGwabalanda. UMthembu was one of the first few victims zesifo sengculazi. Wayengathi lusungulo lwabomama lwamajesi ebhokisini. Emnyama tsu! Wakhala futhi UBanda
" Hee bakiti! Muthembu yini shuwa ro rere rapha...bafazi bawrongo stereki. Bomama valani zinyawo zenu rasiqeda sonke madoda rapha...shuuuuwa nyanisi!"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/17/04 08:35 AM

uPhiri umfoka mbobho omkhulu waseMzilikazi emfeni kaGwazile,"shiyabonga baba nyanisi,muntu ro ubayisigebengu,muntu mubi mpera,shizhashala khuhle manje,yena hambire kusathane"
Posted by: Bonganjalo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/17/04 11:28 AM

Can you believe things people do in church?I was sitting next to this guy who lit a cigarette in church, I was so shocked I nearly dropped my beer! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Bonganjalo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/17/04 11:40 AM

A husband and wife who have been married 20 years were doing some yard work. The man was working hard cleaning the braai while his wife was bending over, weeding flowers from the flower bed. The man says to his wife, "Your rear end is almost as wide as this braai." She ignored the remark. A little later, the husband takes his measuring tape and measures the braai, then he goes over to his wife while she is bending over, measures her rear end and gasps, "Geez, your butt really IS as wide as the braai!" She ignores this remark as well.
Later that night while in bed, her husband starts to feel frisky. The wife calmly responds, "If you think I'm gonna fire up the braai for one little sausage, you are sadly mistaken."

Lessons.....be careful what you say....it can be taken as evidence against you.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/18/04 05:53 PM

A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down.
The waiter, who is also the owner, walks up to the blind man and hands him a menu.
"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the menu.
Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous customer I'll smell it and order from there."
A little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty dish pile and picks up a greasy fork.
He returns to the blind man's table and hands it to him.
The blind man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep breath.
Ah, yes, that's what I'll have-meatloaf and mashed potatoes."
Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he walks towards the kitchen.
The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her what had just happened The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
Several days later, the blind man returns and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man."
"I'm sorry, I didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it to the blind man.
After another deep breath, the blind man says,
"That smells great. I'll take the macaroni and cheese with broccoli."
Walking away in disbelief, the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with him and tells his wife that the next time the blind man comes in he's going to test him.
The blind man eats his meal and leaves.
He returns the following week, but this time the owner sees him coming
and runs to the kitchen.
He tells his wife, "Mary,Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I take it to the blind man."
Mary complies and hands her husband the fork.
As the blind man walks in and sits down, the owner is ready and waiting.
"Good afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I already have the
fork ready for you."
The blind man puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff,and says,
"Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/18/04 07:20 PM

Salute Mthwakazi....laughter is real the best medicine. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/19/04 02:04 AM

Bafowethu.

Kuthiwa i Thebula lafundiswa ukuthi nxa uku Guard post kusiza umuntu uthi "HALT, IDENTIFY YOURSELF."

Lona lezwa izisinde zomuntu esiza lathi,"HOLD, I DONT KNOW YOURSELF!"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/19/04 08:35 PM

Recently a "Husband Super Store" opened where women could go to
choose a husband from among many men. It was laid out in five floors, with
the men increasing in positive attributes as you ascended.

The only rule was, once you opened the door to any floor, you HAD
to choose a man from that floor; if you went up a floor, you couldn't go
back down except to leave the place, never to return.
A couple of girlfriends went to the shopping centre to find some
husbands...

First floor

The door had a sign saying, "These men have jobs and love kids."
The women read the sign and said, "Well, that's better than not having a
job or not loving kids, but I wonder what's further up?" So up they went.
Second floor

The sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, love kids, and
are extremely! good looking." "Hmmm," said the ladies, "But, I wonder
what's further up?"
Third floor
This sign read, "These men have high paying jobs, are extremely
good looking, love kids and help with the housework." "Wow," said the
women, "Very tempting." But there was another floor, so further up they
went.
Fourth floor
This door had a sign saying "These men have high paying jobs,
love kids, are extremely good looking, help with the housework and have a strong
romantic streak." "Oh, mercy me," they cried, "Just think what must be
awaiting us further on! So up to the fifth floor they went.
Fifth floor
The sign on that door said, "This floor is empty and exists only
to prove that women are f***in' impossible to please. The exit is to your
left, we hope you fall down the stairs."

<img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/21/04 08:54 AM

Two ladies meet in heaven, "How did you die ?" , the first one asks, "Oh! I died in a freezer,"the second blonde replied,"So how did you die ?" The second blonde asks,"Well, I suspected my husband was having an affair, so one day when i came home early from work, I look for the other woman because i saw that my husband was naked, When i was coming upstairs from searching the basement, I slipped and broke my neck, I never got to find that woman, "replied the first blonde, The second blonde then says, "If only you looked in the freezer,maybe we both might still have been alive!"

--------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/21/04 11:09 AM

A professor of mathematics sent a fax to his wife. It read:

"Dear Wife: You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the
time you receive this letter, I will be at the Grand Hotel Hotel with my 18-year-old teaching sistant. I'll be home before midnight. -Your Husband"

When hearrived at the hotel hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as
follows:

"Dear Husband: You, too, are 54 years old, and by the timetime you receive this letter, I will be at the Breakwater Hotel Hotel with the 18-year-old pool boy. Being the brilliant mathematician that you are, you can
easily
appreciate the fact that 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes
into 18. Don't wait up."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/21/04 01:09 PM

A political consultancy firm in Ecuador required the services of a Chip Whip and thus advertised the post. Among the many applicants were two Zimbabweans, Prof. Moyo and Chinoz. On their way to the interviews they discussed possible questions and agreed framework of answers.On arrival was the first to be interviewed and the same questions as discussed were asked. Here is how the interview went.

Panel: Who is the world`s most famous footballer?
Prof. Moyo: It was once Maradona but now it is Ronaldo.

Panel: When did you gain independence?
Prof. Moyo: Efforts started in 1978 but finally in 1980.

Panel: Is there water on Mars?
Prof. Moyo: Some say so, but it is not scientifically proven.

Panel: Why do you think we should give you the job?
Prof. Moyo: Well, I have the experience, expertise and am good at it.

The clever Chinoz memorised only the discussed answers, not the questions.

Panel: Who is your father?
Chinoz: It was once Maradona, but now it is Ronaldo

Panel: When were you born?
Chinoz: Efforts started in 1978, but finally in 1980

Panel: Your CV shows that you have 12 children, why that many?
Chinoz: Well I have the experience, expertise and am good at it

Panel: Are you mad?
Chinoz: Some say so, but it is not scientifically proven



------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/22/04 08:59 AM

This morning the Hon Dr Mzee was being interviewed on an international TV talk show.

Reporter: "Why has your currency devalued so much in the past 10 years?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF",

Reporter: "What is the cause of the land problem and farm invasions in your country?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF"

Reporter; "How about the fuel crisis?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF"

Reporter: "And the forex shortages?"
Dr Mzee: "Again IMF!"

Reporter: "So what is going on exactly.These mysterious deaths taking place?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF!!!"

Reporter: (reporter a bit puzzled) "What exactly is the IMF in your understanding?"
Dr Mzee: "It's Mugabe's Fault!"

--------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/22/04 08:59 AM

This morning the Hon Dr Mzee was being interviewed on an international TV talk show.

Reporter: "Why has your currency devalued so much in the past 10 years?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF",

Reporter: "What is the cause of the land problem and farm invasions in your country?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF"

Reporter; "How about the fuel crisis?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF"

Reporter: "And the forex shortages?"
Dr Mzee: "Again IMF!"

Reporter: "So what is going on exactly.These mysterious deaths taking place?"
Dr Mzee: "IMF!!!"

Reporter: (reporter a bit puzzled) "What exactly is the IMF in your understanding?"
Dr Mzee: "It's Mugabe's Fault!"

--------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/26/04 10:53 PM

Two long time shona friends met after 15 years and suddenly struck a conversation to catch up on their lifes.

JOE:it's been long,and how have u been doing?
ROB:long time no seeing,i'm doing fine and how is life treating you?

JOE:life is a bit slow on my side.'so were do you live and wat are u doing for a living?

ROB:well...i live in SEKE and i'm a secretary,and wat about you,were do u live and wat do u do for a living??

JOE:(scratching his head and thinking wat to say)...well i live in MABVUKU and i am a BVUCRETARY..
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/27/04 03:43 AM

Tshisa is back <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/27/04 04:13 PM

POOR STEVE!

"Doc," says Steve, " I want to be castrated."

"What on earth for ?" asks the Doctor in amazement.

"It's something I have been thinking about for a long time and I want to have it done" replies Steve.

"Have u thought it through properly?" asks the Doctor. It's a very serious operation and once it's done, there is no going back. It will change your life forever!"

"I am aware of that and u are not going to change my mind either. You book me in to be castrated or else I'll simply go to another Doctor."

"Well, OK," says the doctor "but it's against my better judgement!"

So Steve has his operation, and the next day he is up and walking very slowly, legs apart, down the hospital corridor with his drip stand. Heading towards him is another patient, who is walking exactly the same way.

"Hi there," says Steve,"it looks as if you have the same operation as me."

"Well." said the patient "I finally decided that after 37 years of life, I would like to be circumcised."

Steve stared at him in horror and screamed "THAT'S the word!!!!!"
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/27/04 04:40 PM

Mamoooooo maye ngo Steve bakithi. Oh1 bathi ukungazi kufana lokufa................
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/28/04 01:51 AM

kwakulomhlangano wePTA labazali ngesikhathi se A.O.B utshalimana wenhlanganiso wabuza ukuthi enga ekhona oselombuzo kumbe amanye amacebo.

kwathulisela wasebona isandla sikaSitshela uNgwenya. wathi," Buza Ngwenya, buza S'tshela"

uNgwenya wathi '" Kembuze bobaba labomama?"

"Buza Ngwenya"

wathi,"Kanti umuyindoda ungabona idonki liqobela alumi yini?"

yaxokozela indlu bathi hayi Ngwenya silabomama lapho hlalaphansi.

wathi,"Ungabona lungemi awusindoda kuhle."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/28/04 08:02 AM

A noted sex therapist realized that people often lie about the frequency of their encounters, so he devised a test to tell for certain how often someone had sex.

To prove his theory, he filled up an auditorium with people, and went down the line asking each person to smile. Using the size of the person's smile, the therapist was able to guess accurately how often each person had sex. The last man in line was grinning from ear to ear.

"Twice a day," the therapist guessed, but was surprised when the man said no. "Once a day, then?" Again the answer was no.

"Twice a week?"

"No."

"Twice a month?"

"No."

When the doctor asked, "Once a year?" the man finally said yes.

The therapist was angry that his theory hadn?t worked with this individual, and he asked the man, "What the heck are you so happy about?"

The man answered, "Tonight's the night!"

---------------
'an idle mind is a devil's workshop'
Posted by: sgebengu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/28/04 03:56 PM

a man is seating in a bar next to an alien having a beer.suddenly the alien touches its finger to the man's cheek and says 'zzzt!'. the man thinks its wierd but does nothing about it.after a while the alien repeats the act again 'zzzt!'.annoyed the man tells the alien to stop it or he will be in trouble.however the alien does it again 'zzzt!'and this time the man promises to cut off the aliens dick if he does it one more time,but then just after finishing this threat the alien does it again 'zzzt!'.the man cannot take this kind of abuse lying down so he grabs his knife and pulls down the aliens pants,but alas there is no dick so he asks 'how then do you have sex without a dick', the alien does not say much but looks at him with a naughty smile and touches him on the chick and says 'ZZZT!'
ha ha ha!!!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: butholezwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/28/04 09:10 PM

Subject: Application for raise

I, the penis, hereby request a raise in salary for
the following
reasons:

* I do physical labour
* I work at great depths
* I am always using my head first
* I do not get RDO's, weekends off or public
holidays
* I work in a damp environment
* I don't get paid overtime or shift penalties
* I work in a dark workplace that has poor
ventilation
* I work in high temperatures
* My work exposes me to contagious diseases


Response from Human Resources

After assessing your request, and considering the
arguments you have
raised, the administration rejects your request for
the following
reasons:

* You do not work 8 hours straight
* You fall asleep on the job after brief work
periods
* You do not always follow the orders of the
management team
* You do not stay in your assigned position, and
often visit other areas
* You take a lot of non-rostered breaks
* You do not take initiative - you need to be
pressured and stimulated
in order to start working
* You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your shift
* You don't always observe OH&S measures, such as
wearing the correct
protective outfits
* You don't like working double shifts
* You sometimes leave your assigned position before
you have completed
your work
* And if that were not all, you have been seen
constantly entering and
leaving the work place carrying 2 suspicious looking
bags!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/28/04 10:37 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> Kanti babevele bemqhatshe njani lumuntu! Hayiiiii waze wangibulala!!!!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/29/04 08:05 AM

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Thandi went straight to her grandparent's house to visit her 95-year-old grandmother and comfort her.

When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied,"He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning."

Horrified, Thandi told her grandmother that two
people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh, no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured out the best time to do it was when the church bells would start to ring. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."

She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "If
the damned milk man hadn't come along, he'd still be alive."

-----------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/29/04 02:44 PM

wangisetha Hlathi uyidobhe ngaphi leyi?
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/29/04 02:45 PM

NEMATAMBUDZIKO

Sherry lost her husband almost four years ago and still hasn't gotten out of her mourning stage. Her daughter constantly urges her to get back into the dating world. Finally, Sherry says she'll go out, but doesn't know anyone. Her daughter immediately replies,"Mama! I have someone for you to meet."

Well, it's an immediate hit. They really like one another and after dating for six weeks, he asks her to join him for a weekend in the mountains. Their first night there, she undresses as does he. There she stands nude, except for a pair of black lacy panties, while he is in his birthday suit. Looking at her he asks,"Why the black panties?"
She replies, " My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."

The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on, and he is in his birthday suit...except that he has a black condom over his erection. She looks at him and asks,"What's with the black condom?"

He replies, "I want to offer my deepest condolences.&#8221;

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.


Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/29/04 02:57 PM

Umntwana has done it again!!

Umntwana Sipho went to London with his assistant. While they were having breakfast with Prince Charles, the assistant noticed that there was fresh milk and there was also Cremora. Just when they were about to have cereal the assistant did not know which one to use because they never had cereal back home. Umntwana quickly asked the Prince if they could pray first and convinced him that this was the Zulu custom before a meal. He asked the Prince to pray first and it was short, and Umntwana prayed after the Prince in Zulu:
" Heyi wena silima thatha ubisi lwenkomo hhayi i cremora, thela ubisi ngaphezulu kwama conflakes. Umasesiphuza itiye uthele i cremora. Angeke
ngiphinde ngihambe nawe uma uzongihlaza kanjena. Amen"

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/29/04 04:22 PM

A village in Zimbabwe had only one cow and it stopped giving milk. The townspeople did a little research and discovered they could get a cow from Matobo for $2m - or one from Mvuma for only $1m. So, naturally, --- they got the cow from Mvuma.

It was a great cow: had a wonderful disposition, and gave lots of milk and lots of cream. Everybody loved it dearly. The people decided they would mate the cow and get more cows like it, and then they would never have to worry about their milk supply again.

So they got a bull and led the cow and the bull into the pasture. When the bull came in from the right to mount the cow, the cow moved to the left. When the bull moved in to mount the cow from the left, the cow moved to the right. This went on all day.

Finally, in desperation, the people decided to go ask the Nduna what to do. After all he was very wise.
They told him the story. "nduna, we've tried all day to mate our cow. When the bull moves in from the right the cow moves left and when the bull moves in from the left the cow moves to the right. What do we do?"
iNduna thought a moment and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Mvuma?"
"Nduna!" they replied as one, "You are so wise! We never said we bought the cow from Mvuma. How did you know that?"
The Nduna said, sadly, "My wife is from Mvuma."

------------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/30/04 07:52 AM

Kule linye ijaha abalithi nguAmkela ebeli hlala emaduzaneni lomuzi wenkosi yakuleyo ndawo.
Ezikhathini ezinengi beli bona itshatshazi elihle, elingu mntwana wenkosi.

Isifiso sikaAmkela, sasiyikuthi amunye njalo ekhotha amabele, alu ntombazana. Njengoba wayengu mngane kajaha osebenzela emzini wenkosi, wasebikela umngane wakhe.

Umngane wakhe wase sithi kuye kumele amnikeze imali ukuze isifiso sakhe sifezeke ngeqiniso. Bavumelana ukuthi, uzamnikeza imali lapho eseqedile ukukhotha amabele omntane nkosi.

Umngane wakhe (isisebenzi emzini wenkosi) wase gcoba umutshwana kuBra ka ntombazana, owenza ukuthi alunyelwe. Walunyelwa emabeleni umntane nkosi, baze babiza umngane kaAmkela. Isisebenzi sathi, kulomuthi owodwa okuqeda lokho kulunywa - ngamathe kaAmkela. Bambiza ke, UAmkela. Ngentokozo enkulu wakhotha, wamunya, wadlali-dlalisa amabele kantombazana.

Eseqedile wala uku nikeza imali kusisebenzi. Isisebenzi sagcoba umutshwana ku underwear yenkosi. Bambiza njalo uAmkela.
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/30/04 08:33 AM

Larry and Scott

Larry and Scott wanted to go out drinking, but they only had $2.00 between them. Larry said, "Hang on, I have an idea." He went next door to the butcher's shop and came out with one large sausage.

Scott said, "Are you crazy? Now we don't have any money left at all." Larry replied, "Don't worry - just follow me."

They went into the pub where Larry immediately ordered two double shots of Jack Daniels. Scott said, "Now you've lost it. Do you know how much trouble we will be in? We haven't got any money to pay for this!"
Larry replied, with a smile, "Don't worry, I have a plan. Cheers!" They downed their drinks.

Larry said "OK, I'll stick the sausage through my zipper and you get on your knees and put it in your mouth."
Said and done, the barman noticed them, went berserk, and threw them out. They continued this, bar after bar, getting more and more drunk, all for free.

At the tenth bar, Scott said, "Larry - I don't think I can do this anymore. My mouth is sore and my knees are killing me!"
Larry said, "How do you think I feel? I lost the sausage at the third bar!"


uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/30/04 10:34 PM

A man and a woman were having drinks when they got into an argument about who enjoyed sex more.

The man said, "Men obviously enjoy sex more than women. Why do you think we're so obsessed with getting laid?"

"That doesn't prove anything," the woman countered. "Think about this... When your ear itches and you put your little finger in it and wiggle it around, then pull it out, which feels better-your ear or your finger?

-----------------
'tshela mina ngitshele abelungu'
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 07/30/04 11:53 AM

Construction workers

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a handsaw, and spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him, but the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign language. He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need", and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the 1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating. The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor and shouts, " What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a handsaw!"

The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm coming."


uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/01/04 01:20 PM

Mr. Chinos application letter for employment:

The Foromani
Harari City Kanzuru
Tauni House

Wadiwa Foromani,

I beg to put in my application for driving the kanzuru rori. I went ejukesheni at Chikokandunye at St. Nyoka Mission. I write Samhu I win, I write Shona I win, I write Hisitiri I win, I write Signs I win, I write Jogirafi I draw, I write VID I win again so if job is there, I am coming there. So I have 5 o level and driving raisenzi in the Advetaisimenti.

Kupedzisira ndinoti munofara here mose ikoko? I come and interview you soon.

Wenyu akavimbika,
Chinos
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 12:12 AM

BHUDAZA

ungisetile bafo <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 12:52 PM

A man suspected his wife of seeing another man. So, he hired a famous Chinese
detective, Sim Wimm, to watch and report any activities that might develop.

A few days later, he received this report.......

Most honorable Sir,

You leave house. He come house. I watch. He and she leave house. I follow. He
and she get on train. I follow. He and she go in hotel. I climb tree, look in
window. He kiss she. She kiss he. He strip she. She strip he. He play with she.
She play with he. I play with me. Fall out of tree, not see.

No Fee.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 06:06 PM

Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 06:35 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ..mi no see.
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 07:06 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Posted by: nobhutshuzwayo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/02/04 10:47 PM

Two mexican men Jose and Rodriquez were overhead having a converation on a geryhound bus south of California one day:

Jose: " Emma comma first, then i come. the two assez, they comma together, then i come. those two assez comma together one more time, then i come again and pee twice. then i come one more time.

An offended passenger protested:

"Ay! buddy we don't talk about our sexual lives like that here in America"

Rodriquez:" No amigo, he is telling me how to spella mississippi"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/03/04 06:32 AM

2 thumbs up s'bali... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/03/04 07:44 AM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Posted by: sgebengu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/03/04 02:52 PM

i come again and pee twice <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: nobhutshuzwayo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/03/04 06:59 PM

11 things that sound dirty in golf but aren't:

11. Oh! Damn... I missed the hole again
10. Nuts...my shaft is bent
9. After 18 holes I can barely walk
8. You really whacked the hell out of that sucker
7. Look at the size of his putter
6. Keep your head down and spread your legs a bit more
5. Mind if I join your threesome?
4. Stand with your back turned and drop it
3. My hands are so sweaty I can't get a good grip
2. Nice stroke, but your follow through has a lot to be desired
1. Hold up...I need to wash my balls first.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/04/04 01:50 PM

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.
The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam?

A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at only $20."

"Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.
"Well", replies the assistant, "it used to live in a brothel and as a result its language is a touch fruity."

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up, "I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home. Once safely in his new home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the lady,"F**k me, a new brothel and a new madam"

"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel," says the woman indignantly.A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complained the girls,

But they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.A short while later, the woman's husband comes.

"Well f**k me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old loyal clients" said the parrot,"how you doing Andrew",

Andrew fainted!!

-----------------
'Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone'
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/06/04 03:15 PM

Watz da difference between 1920's panties & 2004's panties?


In 1920 you had 2 open da panty 2 c da bum, in


2004 you have 2 open da bum 2 c da panty.....
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/07/04 08:22 AM

Ubaba umfundisi nomfanyana

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar that way. The man, who was a priest, said, "I am a Father." The little boy replied, "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that." The priest looked up from his book and answered, "I am the Father of many." The boy said, "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way." The priest, getting impatient, said, "I am the Father of hundreds" and

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said, "Maybe you should wear your pants backwards instead of your collar."

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
uVeyane
Inkwali yenkosi.

Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.
Posted by: GESTAPO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/09/04 12:40 AM

OKUNTOMBAZANYANA kwethekelela udadewabo koBulawayo . kuthe sekuphindele eMasvingo sekubaxoxela ngezakoBulawayo kwathi mubathroom yasisi kana uchino kwesha mazino kana wada tooth brush ye red ndiwe mangwana ukafunga yero ndiwe. ngoba izixubho zonke zasendlini zazihlala lapho ezihlonywa khona. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/09/04 04:05 PM

One night, as a couple lay down for bed, the husband gently tapped his wife on the shoulder and started rubbing her arm. His wife turned over and said, "I'm sorry honey, I've got a gynecologist appointment tomorrow and I want to stay fresh." Her husband, rejected, turned over and tried to sleep. A few minutes later, he rolled back over and tapped his wife again. This time he whispered in her ear, "Do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow too?"

----------------
'Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone'
'
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/09/04 06:11 PM

haaaa haaa haaaa
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/09/04 07:22 PM

<img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/11/04 03:29 PM

Two deaf people get married. During the first week of marriage, they find that they are unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn off the lights because they can't see each other using sign language. After several nights of fumbling around and misunderstandings, the wife decides to find a solution.

"Honey," she signs, "Why don't we agree on some simple signals? For instance, at night, if you want to have sex with me, reach over and squeeze my left breast one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and squeeze my right breast one time."

The husband thinks this is a great idea and signs back to his wife, "Great idea, Now if you want to have sex with ME, reach over and pull on my penis one time. If you don't want to have sex, reach over and pull on my penis 50 times."

--------------
'Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone'
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/11/04 09:09 PM

One Saturday morning Fisherman gets up early, dresses quietly, gets
> > his lunch made, puts on his long-johns, grabs the dog and goes to
the
> > garage
> to
> > hook up his boat to the truck and down the driveway he goes. Coming
> > out of his garage rain is pouring down; it is like a torrential
> > downpour. There
> is
> > snow mixed in with the rain, and the wind is blowing 50 mph. Real
kak
> > conditions for fishing. Minutes later, he returns to the house, goes
> inside
> > and turns the TV to the Weather Channel and finds it's going to be
bad
> > weather all day long. He puts his boat back in the garage, quietly
> > undresses and slips back into bed and cuddles up to his wife's back.
> > Now with a different anticipation, he whispers, "The weather out
there
>
> > is terrible. "To
> > which she sleepily replies, "Can you believe my stupid husband is
out
> > fishing?"
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/11/04 09:19 PM

Top Ten Bad Things To Hear On An Airplane
10. This is your captain speaking and I don't feel that life is worth living
anymore.
9. We're cruising at an altitude of... ah, hell, I don't know.
8. Could somebody come up here and tell me what this button does?
7. AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!(screaming )Just kidding.
6. Would a flight attendant bring me a martini? And keep 'em coming!
5. This is...uh...this is...uh...your...hmm. I seem to have lost my memory.
4. Passengers on the left side of the plane ?? does that engine sound funny
to you?
3. Welcome aboard flight 109 ?? you bunch of jerks!
2. Good God, Steve! We're going to crash! Oops ?? is this intercom on?
1. We'll be on the ground in 10 minutes. One way or another
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 05:39 AM

-All passengers , please take up your parachutes.
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 07:57 AM

The crew detect that the aeroplane is overloaded by 3 extra passengers and if they do not do something all 253 people on board would perish. Now they say 3 people must jump out and that will be determined by your race in terms of alphabetical order. So the first row of passengers say we are "white", the next says we are "indian", and now they all turn their attention to the 3 black men who were seating right at the end. The 3 black men jointly declare: we are "Zulus", "z" is the last letter in the alphabet!!!
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 09:48 AM

Inzula nomXhosa

Kwathi langa thize umZulu noMxhosa behamba ogwadule belambile kungekho ngisho namanzi okuphuza imbala. Bahamba, bahamba baze baphelelwa ngamandla. UmZulu wathi "Mfowethu kungcono sithandaze, mhlawumbe uNkulunkulu uzosibonela icebo lokusisiza kule nkinga".

Ngenhlanhla kwasho ukuthi umZulu uyakwazi ukuthandaza. Kanti yena umXhosa akakaze wezwa ngomthandazo engazi nokwazi ukuthi umuntu wenzani uma ethandaza. UmZulu wathi kuye mfowethu asiguqe sicele eNkosini. Nangempela uMzulu aqale athi "Babawethu oseZulwini". Aqhubeke, kuthi lapho esithi &#8220;Usiphe namhlanje isinkwa sethu..", waphazamisa umXhosa kanye kuleyondawo wathi "Cela neJAM' mfondini sizo qaba esisonka".


uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa
uVeyane.
Inkwali yenkosi.
umcondo yegusha.

Inxangiphilile.
KwaMtubatuba.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 11:22 AM

A husband and wife went to the Rodeo and one of the exhibits is that of breeding bulls.
They went up to the first pen and there was a sign that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year."
The wife poked her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked a little further and saw another pen with a sign that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife hit her husband and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked further and a third pen had a bull with a sign saying, "This bull mated 365 times last year."
The wife got really excited and said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go up and ask him if it was with the same cow."

--------------
'Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone'
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 12:50 PM

Here are a few excerpts from interviews with some of our most celebrated footballing sons in South Africa.


1) Bashin Mahlangu
Interviewer: Bashin how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful goal?
Mahlangu: I feel immediately!!!


2) Lesley Manyathela.
This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an extended period of rich form:

Interviewer: So Lesley tell us about your family
Manyathela: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is one in front of me and one behind me.


3) Bhele Nomvete
This interview took place after a game that took place on Bhele's birthday.
Interviewer: Firstly, Bhele we would just like to wish you a happy birthday.
Nomvete: Thank you, thank you, same to you.
(Who knows maybe it was the guy's birthday too)


4) Steve Lekeolea
(a whole book can be written using amusing quotes from this player alone)
Interviewer: Steve you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?
Lekoelea: In the morning I get up and I run away.


5) Steve Lekeolea
Interviewer: Steve you have just played an amazing game to help Pirates win, where to from here.
Lekoelea: I am going home.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/12/04 06:29 PM

The businessman dragged himself home and barely made it to his chair before he dropped exhausted. His sympathetic wife was right there with a tall cool drink and a comforting word. "My, you look tired," she said. "You must have had a hard day today. What happened to make you so exhausted?" "It was terrible," her husband said. "The computer broke down and all of us had to do our own thinking
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/13/04 06:18 AM

Coloureds In Heaven

Gabriel came to the Lord and said, "I have to talk to you, I have coloured folks up here in Heaven who are causing some problems. They are always fighting with each other, cursing and swearing...really the most vulgar
language and they keep calling me : "Ek s? my broe "
>They are also swinging on the Pearly Gates, my horn has been skated, braai
>sauce is all over their
>robes, pork shak, sparerib, and chicken feet bones are all over the streets of Gold.
Some of them are walking around with one wing.
They have been late taking their turn to keep the stairway to heaven clean. There are watermelon seeds all over the clouds and dry salted snoek hanging from the pearly gates.
Some of them aren't even wearing their halos, saying it is messing up their relaxed hair."
The Lord said, "I made them special, as I did you, my angel. Heaven is home to all my children.
If you really want to know about problems, let's call the Devil.
The Devil answered the phone, "Hello? Lord, hold on."
The Devil returned to the phone and said, "Hello Lord, what can I do for you?"
The Lord replied, "Tell me what kind of problems you are having down there."
The Devil said, "Wait one minute," and put the Lord on hold. After 5 minutes he returned to the phone, and said "Okay, I'm back. What was
the question?" The Lord said, "What kind of problems are you having down there?"
The Devil said, "Man, I don't believe this ..... Hold on, Lord". This time the Devil was gone for 15 minutes.
The Devil returned and said, "I'm sorry Lord, I can't talk right now.
These coloureds have extinguished the fire (hell fire!!!) ,and are trying to install air conditioning systems!!!" We are really in a mess down here!!!!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/13/04 08:29 AM

An older Jewish gentleman marries a younger lady and they are deeply in love. However, no matter what the husband does sexually, the woman never
achieves orgasm. His wife demands sexual pleasure, so they decide to ask the rabbi for advice.

The rabbi listens to their story and makes the
following suggestion. "Hire a strapping young man and while the two of you are making love, have him wave a towel over you as though he is fanning you both. Make sure he is totally naked and she can see his manhood as he fans you both with the towel. That will help the wife fantasize and
should bring on a full blown orgasm."

They go home and follow the rabbi's advice. They hire a handsome young man and he strips off and enthusiastically waves a towel over them both as they make love. But it doesn't help and still
the wife is unsatisfied and frustrated. Perplexed, they go back to the rabbi."Okay", says the rabbi, "let's try it reversed. Have the young man make love to your wife and you wave the towel over them."

Once again, they follow the rabbi's advice. The young man gets into bed with the wife and the husband waves the towel. The hired hand really works with great enthusiasm, and the wife soon has an enormous,room-shaking, screaming, creaming orgasm.Smiling, the husband drops the towel, taps the young man on the shoulder and says to him, triumphantly: "THAT'S how you wave a towel!"

----------------
'learn the rules, so you break them properly'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/16/04 08:12 AM

A man and woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide
to go back to the woman's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. Watching him, the woman says, "You must be a dentist.? Surprised, the guy responds, "Yes... how did you figure that out?""Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."One thing leads to another and they make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really good dentist."The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist.How did you figure that out?""I didn?t feel a thing!"

---------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/16/04 02:58 PM

ayaya uyangirocker hlathi!!this is s...gqamule ubhambo feya hlathi rock it up feya <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/18/04 03:28 PM

umkhuleko wabo'Mama' <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />

Dear Lord,
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> I pray for wisdom to
understand my man,
Love to forgive him,
Patience for his moods,

Because Lord if I pray for strenght
Ndakumbeth 'anye <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/18/04 03:57 PM

Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo. They come across the
gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a
massive erection.

The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into
the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and
shags him for six hours nonstop.

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An
ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?", he crys, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't
written ...

-------------
'an idle mind is a devil's worshop'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/18/04 03:57 PM

Two gay gentlemen are walking through a zoo. They come across the
gorillas and after a while they notice that the male gorilla has a
massive erection.

The gay men are fascinated by this.

One of the men just can't bear it any longer and he reaches into
the cage to touch it. The gorilla grabs him, drags him into the cage and
shags him for six hours nonstop.

When he's done, the gorilla throws the man back out of the cage. An
ambulance is called and the man is taken away to the hospital.

Next day his friend visits him in the hospital and asks, "Are you hurt?"

"AM I HURT?", he crys, "Wouldn't you be? He hasn't called, he hasn't
written ...

-------------
'an idle mind is a devil's worshop'
Posted by: Mabonwabulawe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/18/04 04:19 PM

Ibhasi igcwele, bashayisile emisebenzini phela,Nanso insizwa ibona ithuba elihle,icele ukuphatha usizi omi ngezinyawo ngoba eswele indawo yokuhlala,ufake impahla ezimhlophe losisi. Isukeleke esthubeni insizwa ithi "sisi uyi-nurse" avume lona athi usho ngani,ubhudi athi ushiso zimphahla ezimhlophe azifakile. Bahambe ibanga elide,aqhauke usisi esethi bhudi kanti ungu-mechanic, aphike ubhudi abuze ukuthi usho ngoba ebonani losisi. athi usisi uzwa ngoba ehlatshwa yisipanela ngaphansi!!!!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/19/04 05:36 AM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Hk, Hk, Hk... Ha Ha Ha Ncomanzi!

Impintshi le ile spanela, mina nginga zonda blayind. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> Woza lazo!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/19/04 08:03 AM

True Stuff

Ngihlala ngihleka indlela abantu aba voxa ngayo i pronounciation yesilungu.

The following words are are pronounced exactly the same way by EA people:

(1) barred, bad, bird
(2) hut, hurt, hat

- Document as Dotshumenti
- SQL Es-Tshu-Ero
- Thousand Sau-there-nd
- Total Toto
- Bob Bhobhu
- Model Modo
- Factory F**k Torry
- Fax F**ks
- Mercury Matshuri
- Mercy Masi

Bayafana lama nayijeriya
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/19/04 10:09 PM

I sent flowers to someone who was moving to Kariba for a job promotion. I also sent flowers the same day to a funeral for a friend.
I found out later that the flower shop got the cards mixed up. They sent the card to the guy who was moving that said, "Deepest Condolences," and sent the card to the funeral home that said, "I know it's hot where you're going, but you deserve it."

------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/19/04 02:39 PM

A man checked into a hotel. There was a computer in his room, so he decided
to send an e-mail to his wife. However, he accidentally typed the wrong
e-mail address, and without realizing his error, he sent the e-mail.

Meanwhile.....somewhere in Houston , a widow had just returned home from her
husband's funeral. The widow decided to check her e-mail, expecting messages
from relatives and friends.

After reading the first message, she fainted.

The widow's son rushed into the room, found his mother on the floor, and saw
the computer screen which read:

To: My Loving Wife

Subject: I've Reached

Date: 16 May 2004

I know you're surprised to hear from me. They have computers here now, and
you are allowed to send e-mails to your loved ones. I've just reached and
have been checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your
arrival tomorrow.

Looking forward to seeing you then! Hope your journey is as uneventful as
mine was.
P.S. It is damned hot down here!!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL UP THERE......
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/19/04 08:35 PM

omunye umasantsho wacela ilift emoteni,manje yayigcwele amajida,omunye wathi uzompatha,after 5 minutes babona udade eseshaya amabumps eseqela phezulu kanti ufuqwa yisipanela sikamemba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/21/04 07:11 AM

lowo masantho wayese khulula impintshi kusibopho segazi. Hk Hk.

War kar badala sisithi yispanela <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> , isitho esihle kangaka? Yikuthi siyakhulula amabhawudo yini?
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/21/04 05:54 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> hk...hk...ha ha Sirumula!!

------------
'tshela mina ngitshela abelungu'
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/23/04 11:46 PM

Manje zwana leyi Hlathi,kulomemba owaqala icompetition wathi umuntu ozakwenza indlovu yami imuve ngizamnikeza inyuku ebhaya...bazwaka abantu omunye wayiqumba qumba,nax indlovu yazimela,omunye waphakamisa ilembu elimhlophe yazimela,omunye wakhala njengomntwana wendlovu kodwa yala ukunyikinyika,kwazaka omunye ungamla olesipanela sakhe esikhulu wasifihla phakathi,indlovu yaqala ukuzwa ubunandi kodwa ayimuvanga...bathe sebejika nge second round,umemba wathi usakhumbula indlovu yakhala,umemba wathi ngikuphinde,indlovu yashaker ikhanda iyala....wahle waziwinela umemba.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/24/04 10:43 PM

sirumula waze wangibulala imbambo mfane khaya!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

-----------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/24/04 05:58 PM

Grandma, who was living with her daughter's family, let her 11-year-old grandson in from school.

"What did you learn today?" she asked.

"Sex education. All about penises and vaginas and intercourse and stuff," he replied matter-of-factly.

The old woman was shocked and reported the conversation to her daughter.

Her daughter replied, "Mom, this is the Nineties. These days it's all part of the curriculum."

A few hours later, the grandmother was reading when her daughter announced dinner was ready. Grandmother walked past her grandson's bedroom and noticed him on his bed, vigorously masturbating.

"Sonny," she said, "when you're finished with your homework, come on downstairs to eat."

-----------------
'Wisdom comes with age but sometimes age comes alone'
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/25/04 12:55 PM

A Zulu boy buys a lotto ticket and wins the lottery jackpot. He goes to
the
post office to claim it and the man verifies his ticket number. The Zulu
says, "I want my R10 million." The man replied, "No, sir, it doesn't work
that way. We give you a million today and then you'll get
the rest spread out for the next 5 years." The Zulu said, "Oh, no!! I
want
all my money right now!! I won it and I want it." Again, the man explains
that he would only get a million that day and the rest during the n ext 5
years. The Zulu, furious with the man, screams out, "LOOK I WANT MY MONEY!
If you're not going to give me my R10 million right now,
then................................... I want my R2.50 back!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/25/04 01:17 PM

A Zulu husband returns home from work afice uMaMkhize laye evela emhlanganweni wabo mama we ANC.
U Mamkhize abeselandisa ngalokho akuzwe emahlanganweni athi
"Baba emhlangaweni kuthiwe sincedisane lapha ekhaya. Kumele nawe uwashe, upheke, ugeze nabantwana"

Umkhize wabamba iqolo waphendula; "pho nama sen**e baniphile"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/25/04 02:42 PM

Mabila, Hk Hk Hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Liyabona ukuthi amasendlisi aso nto yokudlala ngayo. Olawo ulenjabulo yokuwa thwala ngoba emnika amandla. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/25/04 08:42 PM

Kuthiwa kule boyz eyayingezwa blayindi,so one day ibi ngena phakathi kwe ceiling yabe isiwa ivula isikhala.
umama lo baba bathe befika i boyz bayithethisa yabaleka yayadlala phandle,umama lobaba basala bezama ukuvala iskhala leso.
kwase kufika umuntu wemzini
ndlovu:bangiphi abadala mfana
themba:basendlini,ubaba ugade phezukuka mama uvala isikhala engaphuma ngaso.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/26/04 09:58 AM

REPORTS FROM VARIOUS HOSPITALS AROUND ZIM HAVE SHOWN HOW KIRSTY HAS TOUCHED
LIVES IN ZIM - NEW BORN BABIES

Kirsty Mtemagavi
Athens Mambowashe
Kristee Koventree Kavamba
Backstroke Banda
Kirsty Coventry Mapurisa
Individual Medley Deze
Goldmedal Zongororo
Gold Silver Bronze Mpunga
Butterfly Mabora
Swimmingpool Nhanga
Freestyle Zuze
Coventry Muderetere
Breaststroke Musendame
Goldwinner Mambo
Threemedals Chinotimba
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/26/04 08:13 PM

Dokotela... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Goldmedal chinotimba <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
also u-Underwater Zvinavashe ukhona.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/30/04 09:56 AM

A drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people decides to go for a baptism.

The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks, "Have you seen Jesus?" The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus".

When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into The water and pulled him out and asked him. "Have you seen Jesus?" He said "no". So the priest put his head back into the water for a few more Seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied
"No old man."

Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time And pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus.? The
drunkard replied, "Bra, are you sure he fell into this river"

-----------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/30/04 03:49 PM

TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?
SARAH: "HIJKLMNO"!!
TEACHER: What are you talking about?
SARAH: Yesterday you said it's H to O!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/30/04 04:03 PM

A preacher lost his rooster (male chicken) and all his search efforts proved fruitless. He then decided to mention it in church so that anyone who knows its whereabouts, could advise accordingly.

The following Sunday, while in church, he asked: " Who has a cock?",and all the men stood up. Embarrassed and not knowing what to say next, he said:

" I mean, who, amongst you, has seen a cock?" All the women stood up,including his 13-year old daughter. The priest started to blush when he realised what implications that will have on his image.

He then asked:"No, no, no. What I mean is, who,
in the last two weeks in this church, has seen my cock?" All the nuns stood up.
Posted by: tshetshe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/30/04 05:04 PM

WENA DAMBATSHOKO UNGUBANI WENA WENA IMPELA.MUSA UKUDLALA NGEBIZO LABADALA.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/31/04 02:43 AM

Jim and Mary were both patients in a Mental Hospital. One day while they were walking past the hospital swimming pool,Mary suddenly jumped into the deep end. She sunk to the bottom and
stayed there.

Jim promptly jumped in to save her. He swam to the bottom and pulled Mary out.

When the medical director became aware of Jim's heroic act he immediately ordered him to be discharged from the hospital, as he now considered him to be mentally stable.

When he went to tell Jim the news he said, "Jim, I have good news and bad news. The good news is you're being discharged because since you were able to jump in and save the life of another patient, I think you've regained your senses.


The bad news is, Mary, the patient you saved, hung herself with her bathrobe belt in the bathroom. I am so sorry, but she's dead."

Jim replied, "She's not dead, I put her there to dry."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/31/04 10:08 PM

Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/31/04 10:08 PM

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress
would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.

The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had
brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and
commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately,
no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered
finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days
later

--------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 08/31/04 10:08 PM

A medieval astrologer prophesied to a king that his favorite mistress
would soon die. Sure enough, the woman died a short time later.

The king was outraged at the astrologer, certain that his prophecy had
brought about the woman's death. He summoned the astrologer and
commanded him: "Prophecy, tell me when you will die!"

The astrologer realized that the king was planning to kill him immediately,
no matter what answer he gave. "I do not know when I will die," he answered
finally. "I only know that whenever I die, the king will die three days
later

--------------
'tshela mina sibaloye'
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/02/04 02:36 PM

There were two nuns...

One of them was known as Sister Mathematical (SM),
and the other one was known as Sister Logical (SL). It is getting dark and they are still far away from the convent.

SM: Have you noticed that a man has been following us for the past thirty-eight and a half minutes? I wonder what he wants.
SL: It's logical. He wants to rape us.

SM: Oh, no! At this rate he will reach us in 15 minutes at the most? What can we do?

SL: The only logical thing to do of course is to walk faster.

SM: It's not working.

SL: Of course it's not working. The man did the only logical thing. He started to walk faster, too.

SM: So, what shall we do? At this rate he will reach us in one minute.

SL: The only logical thing we can do is split. You go that way and I'll go this way. He cannot follow us both.

So the man decided to follow Sister Logical. Sister Mathematical arrives at the convent and is worried about what Has happened to Sister Logical.

Then Sister Logical arrives.

SM: Sister Logical! Thank God you are here! Tell me what happened!

SL: The only logical thing happened. The man couldn't follow us both,so he followed me

SM: Yes, yes! But what happened then?

SL: The only logical thing happened. I started to run as fast as I could and he started to run as fast as he could.

SM: And?

SL: The only logical thing happened. He reached me.

SM: Oh, dear! What did you do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. I lifted my dress up.

SM: Oh, Sister! What did the man do?
SL: The only logical thing to do. He pulled down his pants.

SM: Oh, no! What happened then?
SL: Isn't it logical, Sister?

A nun with her dress up can run faster than man with his pants down.

And for those of you who thought it would be dirty, say two Hail Marys!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/02/04 02:50 PM

After marrying a sweet young woman, a 90-year-old geezer told his doctor that they were expecting a baby.

"Let me tell you a story," said the doctor. "An absent-minded fellow went hunting, but instead of a gun, he picked up an umbrella. Suddenly a bear
charged him. Pointing his umbrella at the bear, he shot and killed it on the spot."

"Impossible!" the geezer exclaimed. "Somebody else must have shot that bear."

"Exactly," replied the doctor.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/03/04 08:40 PM

HIE ZIMBABWE

MINA NGINGU DAMBATSHOKO,UMAKHELWANE KA DATATA NXA USUFIKA NGAKUBO KAMAGEDLENI LO SLIKWANE.
WENA UNGUBANI.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/04/04 04:11 AM

A young man excitedly tells his mother he's fallen in love and is going to
get married. He says, "Just for fun, Ma, I'm going to bring over 2 other
female friends in addition to my fianc?e and you try and guess which one
I'm going to marry".

The next day, he brings 3 beautiful women into the house and sits them down
on the couch and they chat for a while. He then says, "Okay, Ma. Guess
which one I'm going to marry."

She immediately replies, "The red-head in the middle."

"That's amazing, Ma. You're right, how did you know?"

"I don't like her
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/05/04 02:47 PM

Bafowethu.

U MaDube wayehlezi e Bhasini lomunye ubaba owayemubi okokuthi lelanga lingatshona.

Manje ingane ka MaDube yayilokhu ikhala okungapheliyo. U MaDube wasecela lo ubaba ngesihle ukuthi amethusele umntwana mhlawumbe angathula.

Yathi le ndoda, "THULA !!! MSATHA NYOKO!!!"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/05/04 04:53 PM

kule phoxo elithi lona
"ngobubi obayethusa isela licatshile"
Posted by: Khanka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/05/04 04:54 PM

hayi mani sorry
"ngobubi obahlekisa isela licatshile"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 06:16 AM

Zwangendaba. Hk Hk Hk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ngihleke ngaze ngatshaya phansi nge khanda. ungikhumbuze enye impintshi yami engangi hlala ngiyi phoxa ngisithi, Umatopi wayo uhlala ethethisa abantwana esithi "Msatha nyoko!", umama wabo ekhonapho laye. Hk Hk.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 12:50 PM

Bafowethu.

Bathi uhlanya lwaqonda enye intombi izihambela emgwaqweni. Yethuka intombi yathathela ngejubane. Manje uhlanya lwalulejubane elimangalisayo. Lwagijima lwayi "overtaker" intombi le. Yatshibilika yaqonda emuva. Lwayi "overtaker" njalo. Yenza njalo yaze yakhathala.

Ithe isisithi "aahh Akenze akufunayo", lwafika uhlanya ngemva kwentombazana le lwathi: "NGQOBE!"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 02:24 PM

Miss Johnson's fourth grade class was about to
begin their lesson for the day. Miss Johnson
explained, "I am going to call out a letter of
the alphabet and call on one of you to give me a
word that begins with the letter and then use it
in a sentence."

She began with the letter 'A'. Several students
in the class raised their hands, including little
foul mouthed Joey, who knew a dirty word for just
about every letter in the alphabet. She called on
Suzy, who said "Apple". Miss Johnson said, "Very
good Suzy, now use it in a sentence." Suzy
replied "I brought an apple for lunch." "Very
good Suzy."

Miss Johnson then continued through the alphabet
calling on different students. Little Joey was
raising his hand every time, but she was
reluctant to call on him until she got to the
letter 'U'. She couldn't think of any dirty words
that began with the letter 'U' so she let Joey
have turn. Joey said "Urinate." Miss Johnson was
beside herself over his word choice. With a lot
of reservation she said, "OK Joey, use that word
in a sentence." He replied, "Urinate, Miss
Johnson, but if you had bigger tits, you'd be a
ten!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Busobenyoka

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 02:57 PM

Hlathi,

Point of correction. Your sphrase should read;
'imbambo kazephuke' and not 'az'yephuke', as you have put it. For this word, even the apostrophe is not necessary.

I stand corrected.

Buso
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 04:30 PM

Kuthe ngelinye ilanga sokumele ukuthi enye i'class' yenhlanya, ngaseNgutsheni, yenziwe i'assessment' yokuthi kambe kungabesekulezinye esezaphendukelwa zingqondo ebezimukile, u'orderly' omkhulu, phela uNdiweni, wasedweba umfanekiso wesivalo emdulini, wasesithi enhlanyeni, 'Asivuleni isivalo singene ngale' Hawu, phuthu-phuthu zaphithizela zaphathana zonke zilwisa ukuyongena kulowomnyango, ngaphandle kwengwevu eyodwa. U'orderly' ayibuze ke lindoda ukuba ihlaleleni abanye bengena emnyango? Khepha u'orderly' selethemba lokuba ezazithe zayavakatshela ko'auntie' zingabe zesiphendukile njalo kulindoda, ingabe isisilile.

Yaphendula ke ngelikamakiti oxhaphe ubisi yathi 'Bayekele babulalane abakwazi ukuthi izihluthulelo (keys) ziphethwe yimina.'
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 04:46 PM

Kulenye indoda eyathi ihamba ngemota yayo ku 23rd Ave (koBulawayo, hk, hk), yehlelwa ngumnyama wokupontshelwa livili. Awu yaphuma yazelula yasikhipha ijeki yajeka yalikhulula ivili. Umnyama yayisuke ya'parker' duze le'storm drain' kamanisipala umhlobo lo olezikhalakhala. Amabhawudo wonke potshololo kuli'drain'.

Lwasondela uhlanya lungangale kwe'fence' lubona indoda le isisekudubekeni. Lwathi 'Bengingakunceda kodwa nje ngiyazi ukuthi awuzukungilalela ngoba ngiluhlanya'. Lamanje yahwabha indoda le yathi 'Akungisukele lapha bonkie.' I'bonkie' yasisithi 'Horight, kodwa ngingakahambi, zwana lapha sithuthandini: Thatha ibhawudo elilodwa kwelinye lelinye lalawo amanye amavili ubusubopha lelo olitshintshayo uhambe uyofika koDulys uthenge amanye amabhawudo.'

Yagwavuma kabi lendoda yangathi izaluginya uhlanya, yikho libona sekwakhiwa i'dura-wall' along u 23rd.
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/06/04 04:49 PM

Buso,

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Iyabongeka i'correction' yakho kodwa mina bengibona angathi i'humour' yang'khona ivelela kukhonalokhu okungama'small mistakes'.Hk, Hk. <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/07/04 08:23 AM

Buso.

Uphutha ngelami, kuyabongeka ukutsho kwakho i correction. Ngazama ukuloba ngendlela esikhuluma ngayo.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/08/04 07:24 AM

A lawyer goes to a nursing home to visit an elderly client. He notices a bowl of peanuts beside her bed and takes one. As they talk, he can't help himself and eats one after another.By the time they have finished talking, the bowl is empty.The lawyer says, "I'm so sorry, but I seem to have eaten all your peanuts." "That's okay," says the elderly client. "They would have just sat there. Without my teeth, all I can do is suck the chocolate off and put them back in the bowl"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/09/04 08:44 AM

Hlathi! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> ngihleke ngeze ngakhohlwa ibizo. Qhubeka mfowethu, uyavarisa!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/09/04 10:03 PM

A woman is picked up by Dennis Rodman in a bar. They like each other and she goes back with him to his hotel room. He removes his shirt revealing all his tattoos and she sees that on his arm is one which reads, "Reebok". She thinks that's a bit odd and asks him about it. Dennis says, "When I play basketball, the cameras pick up the tattoo and Reebok pays me for advertisement." A bit later, his pants are off and she sees "Puma" tattooed on his leg. He gives the same explanation for the unusual tattoo. Finally, the underwear comes off and she sees the word "AIDS" tattooed on his penis. She jumps back with shock. "I'm not going to do it with a guy who has AIDS!" He says, "It's cool baby, in a minute it's going to say "ADIDAS".

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: butholezwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/10/04 05:30 PM

Four friends reunited at a party after 30 years.

After a few laughs and drinks, one of them had to go to the rest room.The ones who stayed behind began to talk about their kids and their
successes.

The first guy says: I am very proud of my son, he is my pride and joy. He started working at a very successful company at the bottom of the barrel.
He studied Economics and Business Administration soon he was promoted and began to climb the corporate ladder becoming the General Manager and now he is the President of the company. He became so rich that he gave his best friend
a top of the line Mercedes Benz for his birthday.

The second guy says: Damn, that's terrific!! My son is also my pride and joy, I am very proud of him. He started working at a traveling agency for a very big airline. He went to flight school to become a pilot and also manage to become a
partner in the company where he now owns the majority of the assets. He became so rich that he gave his best friend a brand new jet for his
birthday.

The third guy says: Well, well, well congratulations!!
My son is also my pride and joy and he is also very rich.He studied in the best universities and became an Engineer.He started his own construction company and became very successful and a multimillionaire. He also gave away some thing very nice and expensive to his best friend for his birthday. He built a 30,000 sq ft mansion
specially for his friend.

The three friends congratulated each other mutually for the successes of theirs sons.

The forth friend who earlier had gone to restroom returned and asked: What's going on, what are all the congratulations for?

One of the three said: We were talking about the pride we feel for the successes of our sons. And then he asked, What about your son?

The forth man replied: My son is Gay and he makes a living dancing as a stripper at a nightclub. The three friends said: What a shame that must be, that is horrible,what a disappointment you must feel.

The forth man replied: No, I am not ashamed. Not at all.He is my son and I love him just as well, he is my pride and joy.

And he is very lucky too.

Did you know that his birthday just passed and the other day he received a beautiful 30,000 sq ft mansion, a brand new jet and a top
of the line Mercedes Benz from his three boyfriends.
Posted by: Skuvethe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/10/04 08:18 PM

Why is 10 upset?
because seven eight nine.
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/10/04 08:27 PM

Q: What is the difference between porcupines and guys who drive Porsches?

A: Porcupines: The pricks are outside.
Porsche drivers: THE DAMN PRICKS ARE INSIDE!
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/13/04 11:25 PM

Bafowethu.

Haa Haa Haaaa Ha!!! Get away Siphepheli, yini usibulala kanje???

Eyinye ilumezi yami yayisilwa lomfowabo. Bebanga indaba zama hungahunga.
Yathi yona, "Uthi mina ngizakubhoda ngilindele kusasa, ANGILA YESTERDAY MINA, NGIKUTSHELA KHONAPHO."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/14/04 01:42 AM

Khazi Zwangendaba!
Please chasisa okuhlekayo nge joke ka Siphepheli. Sengiyibale ka twentintini, ubu dali buthi khona. Vele angiyizwisisi hk.
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/14/04 02:03 AM

Dade,

Ngiyibhale ngifakwe uvolovolo ekhanda, ngingedwa bengingezake ngiqale.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/14/04 08:00 AM

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned The switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with. Much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that He couldn't remove the instrument off his tool. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry Sir," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two and a half litres.?

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/15/04 09:15 AM

A guy is sitting quietly reading his paper when his wife sneaks up
behind him and whacks him on the head with a frying pan.
"What was that for?" he says.
"That was for the piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name
Mary Lou written on it," she replies.
"Two weeks ago when I went to the races,
Marylou was the name of one of the horses I bet on," he explains.
She looks satisfied and apologises.
Three days later he's again sitting in his chair reading when she
nails him with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him out cold.
When he comes to, he says, "What the hell was that for?"
"Your horse phoned!!"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/15/04 02:34 PM

Sase s'fikile isikhathi sokuba uMandla abuyele
ekhaya eNatali ukuyokwenza umsebenzi kayise owayeshone iminyaka emibili edlule. Ngokwesiko lomsebenzi ubizwa ngokuthi umsebenzi wokukhumula inzilo.

Kwadingeka ukuba uMandla abikele umlungu wakhe ngohambo lwakhe lokuyokwenza lo msebenzi,wezwakala
esethi "Boss I'm going home to undress my mother and do my father's job".

Washaqeka umlungu, "You're going to do what!?". "Aw..! Yes boss, I have to go home and undress my mother and do my father's job. It's our culture..."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/15/04 05:41 PM

ooya ukungazi lokhu kuzasenzela okunye,kuhle ukuzikhulumela ngesakithi nxa esabanikazi isihlobo sisehlula

omunye ujaha laye acele a few hours ekhiweni lakhe ngoba efuna ukuthenga izicathulo ayezibone ewindini ko Bata ziku sale, uthe ebuya engela lutho umlungu wakhe sembuza ukuthi why didn?t you buy those shoes
ijaha laphendula lathi,
the shoes were young, they were not my age and they were touching me.
izicathulo bezincane zingaso sayizi yami njalo zingibamba
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/17/04 08:33 PM

A Polish man married a Canadian girl after he had been in Canada a year or so; and, although his English was far from perfect, they got along
very well. Until one day he rushed into a lawyer's office and asked him if he could arrange a divorce for him - "very quick." The lawyer said that the speed for getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

LAWYER: "Have you any grounds?"

POLE: "JA, JA, an acre and half and a nice little home with 3 bedrooms."

LAWYER: "No," I mean what is the foundation of this case?"

POLE:"It is made of concrete, brick, and mortar," he responded

LAWYER: "Does either of you have a real grudge?"

POLE: "No," he replied, "we have a two-car carport, and have never really needed one."

LAWYER: "I mean, What are your relations like?"

POLE: "All my relations are in Poland."

LAWYER: "Is there any infidelity in your marriage?"

POLE: "Yes, we have hi fidelity stereo set & DVD player with 6.1 sound. We don't necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is
yes."

LAWYER: "No, I mean does your wife beat you up?"

POLE: "No, I'm always up before her."

LAWYER: "Why do you want this divorce?"

POLE: "She going to kill me."

LAWYER: "What makes you think that?"

POLE: "I got proof."

LAWYER: "What kind of proof?"

POLE: "She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at the drug store and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read -- it says, 'Polish Remover'."
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/18/04 08:34 AM

Ha Ha Ha Ha, nk nk. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Ngafa yimbambo!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/20/04 07:24 AM

hk..hk..hk..hk!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/20/04 02:01 PM

qhubeka ubila Mabila kuyaqumbaqumba lokhu <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/20/04 04:07 PM

I now have to pronounce the following words the same, because of adaptability.

search as such
fat as fart
first as fast
fur as far
hat as heart
hurt as heart
man as munn
secure as (ndebele accent) setshuwa
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/20/04 05:00 PM

hk hk hk hk u "setshuwa" hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Kwehluleni ke lapho?
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/21/04 12:16 AM

A young woman was supposed to write a short story in as few words as
possible for her college class and the instructions were that it had to
discuss Religion, Sexuality and Mystery. She was the only one who received
an A+ and this is what she wrote:


Good God, I'm pregnant, I wonder who did it.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/21/04 09:14 AM

A woman came up behind her husband while he was enjoying his morning coffee and slapped him on the back of the head. "I found a piece of paper in your pants pocket with the name 'Marylou' written on it," she said, furious. "You had better have an explanation." "Calm down, honey," the man replied. "Remember last week when I was at the horse track? That was the name of the horse I bet on. "The next morning, his wife snuck up on him and smacked him really hard." What was that for?" he complained. "Your horse phoned last night."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/21/04 11:04 AM

sex contract
This certifies that, I, ____________________________ the undersigned female (hereafter referred to as the "screwee") about to enjoy sexual intercourse with _________________________ (hereafter referred to as the "screwer").

I am above the lawful age of consent. I am in my right mind and not under the influence of any narcotic or alcoholic substances.

The aforementioned screwer need not use any force, threats, coercion or promises to influence me. Furthermore I, the screwee, am in no fear of him whatsoever, and do not expect or wish to marry him. I do not know if he is married or not, and I do not care. I am neither asleep nor drunk, I'm entering this relationship with him because I love it and want it as much as he does.

In the event whereby I receive the full satisfaction, which I expect, I declare in advance the capacity and willingness to further participation as soon as time permits. In addition, I will not act as a witness against him nor will I file charges against him should I fall pregnant, contract a sexual disease or feel that he is violating any legislation, moral, legal or otherwise.

Signed naked before jumping into bed on this _________ day of the______________Month in the year 2004
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/22/04 05:34 PM

A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What is Politics?" Dad says,

"Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

Number 1. I'm the head of the family, so call me The President.

Number 2. your mother is the administrator of the money, so we call her the Government.

Number 3. We're here to take care of your needs, so we'll call you the People.

Number 4. the nanny, we'll consider her the Working Class.

Number 5. and your baby brother, we'll call him the Future

Now think about that and see if it makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him. He finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper.

So the little boy goes to his parent's room and finds his mother sound asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to his father, "Dad, I think I understand the concept of politics now."

The father says, "Good, son, tell me in your own words what you think politics is all about."

The little boy replies, "The President is screwing the Working Class, While the Government is sound asleep. The People are being ignored and the Future is in deep shit

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/22/04 05:57 PM

Hlathi hk hk hk hk hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/22/04 07:47 PM

This is really funny!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It's good to be female!!!!!!!!!!!


Marriage (Part I)

Typical macho man married typical good-looking lady and after the wedding, he laid down the following rules:
"I'll be home when I want, if I want and at what time I want-and I don't expect any hassle from you. I expect a great dinner to be on the table unless I tell you that I won't be home for dinner. I'll go hunting, fishing,
boozing and card-playing when I want with my old buddies and don't you give me a hard time about it. Those are my rules. Any comments?"

His new bride said, "No, that's fine with me. Just understand that there will be sex here at seven o'clock every night... whether you're here or not."

( SHE'S GOOD!)



Marriage (Part II)

Husband and wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th wedding anniversary!

The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, 'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever.'

"Yeah?" she replies. "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads, "Here Lies My Husband Stiff At Last.'"

(HE ASKED FOR IT!)



Marriage (Part III)

Husband (a doctor) and his wife are having a fight at the breakfast table. Husband gets up in a rage and says, "And you are no good in bed either," and storms out of the house.

After sometime he realizes he was nasty and decides to make amends and rings her up. She comes to the phone after many rings, and the irritated husband says, "what took you so long to answer the phone?"

She says, "I was in bed."

"In bed this early, doing what?"

"Getting a second opinion!"

(YEP, HE HAD THAT COMING, TOO!)



Marriage (Part IV)

A man has six children and is very proud of his achievement. He is so proud of himself, that he starts calling his wife," Mother of Six" in spite of her objections.

One night, they go to a party. The man decides that it's time to go home and wants to find out if his wife is ready to leave as well. He shouts at the top of his voice, "Shall we go home 'Mother of six?"

His wife, irritated by her husband's lack of discretion shouts rigt back, "Anytime you're ready, Father of Four."

(RIGHT ON, LADY!)

God may have created man before woman but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece.

SEND THIS TO SMART WOMEN WHO NEED A LAUGH AND TO MEN YOU THINK CAN HANDLE IT.

SPEECHLESS
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/23/04 01:47 PM

Wavuka eyibambile ubaba wayikhangela wayithintitha wanyikinya ikhanda ekhumbula ukuthi yiyo elele ikhalisa umama.

Wayibamba waseyibisela emvulophini incwadi yemfa. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/23/04 03:15 PM

Bafowethu.

Yaa! Mabila lo Babyface libuya lazo.

Aguy walks past a white woman in New York. The woman asks him, "Do you care to come with me to my house and get a pussy for free?"
The man cant believe it and he follows with his pants almost falling off on their own.

When they get into the living room, the woman takes off her top and asks the man to sit while she walks into her bedroom.

Out she comes with a basket full of kittens, and asks the guy, "pick the one you like, the grey one has blue eyes, the 5 white ones are mongrel?"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: filabusi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 07:15 AM

Zwangendaba uphose wangibulala ngamaribbs chomie azakulungisa amaNgisi
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 10:56 PM

UMTHANDAZO WAMAJIDA

Nkosi sicela ubusise usuku lwethu olumnandi, yenza imimoya yethu ibe nokuthula.

Nkosi ngicela nenduku kaMakhwela, ehlale ifinqana, ivuke kakhulu kusihlwa. Uyazi Nkosi ukuthi yonke imizi yakhiwa ngenduku. Kulenzinsuku ukhala ngokwehlelwa ngumfutho wenduku yakhe. Manje unkosikazi wakhe uyakhononda, usengaze aphumele ngaphandle, siza Nkosi.

Nkosi ngicelela zonke izishimane nezigwadi nazo kezithole bo! Ziyeke ukubalisa zizwa abantu bencoma ubumnandi benkomo nomthondo, zona zibe zingayazi leyonto. Phela ubezwa nabo sebefakaza into abangayazi ukuze kungabonakali ukuthi abakaze bayithi mbibi lento. Nabadlwenguli bayeke ukudla indlu yohlanya ngandlakadla. Benze bakwazi ukucela, bangazithatheli.

Kodwa Nkosi namantombazane wenze angasinunuseli ngemomozi ngoba phela thina siyavukelwa. Futhi nawe Nkosi ngithemba ukuthi uyakwazi lokho, njengendoda.

Umuntu uthi angabona amathanga aphuphuzela uboya nesibumbu avele angacabangi lutho ngaphandle kokuzifikela mathupha kulesosibumbu.

Ngalamazwi angenhla Nkosi senze sonke siluthokozele ucansi nezingane zilanywe, nabangabambi babambe. Umfazi ongenangane unolaka, muphe iqanda naye ake agone bandla, angaze acabange ukuthakatha. Nkosi sibonga ukuvuka sisaphila ekuseni. Phinda futhi usiphe usuku nobusuku, singalali obafuthi.

Ukufa siyakwesaba, futhi asikadeli nokubhebhana. Phela sakhonjiswa ensimini yase Eden, manje asisakwazi ukuyeka futhi asideli.

Habe! Cishe ngakhohlwa, Mvelinqangi, qeda ingculazi bo! Siza safa!

Ukufa kuhlezi ekudleni, shwele Nkosi, shwele Baba!.

Haleluya uyingcwele, Siyohlale sikudumisa.
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 11:29 AM

Siyawubonga lowo mthandazo,
thina zishimane.

Nanso-ke;

What is it that is 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and makes women go crazy.


Hhah! Beslicabangani?

Yimali (iUS Dollar). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 01:16 PM

kwazi mina, izinto zako hk hk hk hk.. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 04:58 PM

izinto zalapha.....angilankani.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 05:35 PM

Hk Hk. Ngama enlagements impintshi ziphethe ama 8"+.

I just remembered impintshi ezijayele ukuthi, zithi "I heard a bad smell" Hk Hk. Isiveti zinzima.
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 05:43 PM

Kuthiwa enye ingamula yayilayinele ukungena esambuzi kutshaya umuyi uBrenda eQueens. Ngemva kwemizuzu wasephuma ke umuntu owaye phakathi yasingena ingamula. Manje yathi ingena yalunguza etshembeni yabona ukuthi umuntu obe phambi kwayo utshiye uth*vi obalayo ukuhamba nxa ekotshoza. Yanxapha yasizenzela okwayo, yachama.

Ithe ingakaphumi yakhumbula ukuthi ngemva kwayo bekule sqamulamayezi sentombi. Yama kancane ingamula yacabanga ukuthi kayingeke itshiye uth~vi etshembeni ngoba usisi lowa uzakuthi ngobakhe! Yagoqela isandla sayo nge toilet paper yasigxamuza etshembeni ingamula yathatha uth^vi yafaka esikhwameni yavula isivalo yaphuma.

Kuthe khonapho....

ahhhh sh&t uxolo bangane sengiphelelwe yi INK i ballpoint yami kayisabhali, sorry sorry sorry
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/24/04 08:11 PM

You probably have seen this but it kills me all the itme!!!


Only In Africa

In a restaurant in Zambia:
"Open seven days a week and weekends."

On the grounds of a private school in South Africa:
"No trespassing without permission."

On a window of a Nigerian shop:
"Why go elsewhere to be cheated when you can come here?."

On a poster in Ghana:
"Are you an adult who cannot read? If so, we can help."

In a hotel in Mozambique:
"Visitors are expected to complain at the office between the hours of
9.00 am and 11.00am daily."

On a river in the Democratic Republic of Congo:
"Take note: When this sign is submerged, the river is impassable."

In a Zimbabwean restaurant:
"Customers who find our waitresses rude ought to see the manager."

A sign seen on a hand dryer in a Lesotho public toilet:
"Risk of electric shock - Do not activate with wet hands."

In a Botswana jewellery shop:
"Ears pierced while you wait."

On one of the buildings of a Sierra Leonne hospital:
"Mental Health Prevention Centre."

In a maternity ward of a clinic in Tanzania:
"No children allowed!"

In a cemetery in Uganda:
"Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own
graves.

In a Malawi hotel:
"It is forbidden to steal towels, please. If you are not a person to
do such a thing, please don't read this notice."

A sign posted in an Algerian tourist camping park:
"It is strictly forbidden on our camping site that people of
different sex, for instance a man and woman, live together in one
tent unless they are married to each other for that purpose."

In a Namibian nightclub:
"Ladies are not allowed to have children in the bar."

In a photo studio in Chitungwiza (Zimbabwe):
"Photos taken while you wait
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/25/04 08:30 AM

A woman goes into a pet shop looking for a parrot.

The assistant shows her a beautiful African Grey parrot.

"What about this one, Madam?

A beautiful bird, I'm sure you'll agree, and it's an absolute steal at
only $20." "Why is it that cheap?" the woman asks.

"Well", replies the assistant, it used to live in a brothel and as a
result its language is a touch fruity."

"Oh, I don't mind that", said the woman, making her mind up,

I'm broad minded and it'll be a laugh having a profane parrot".

So saying, she buys the parrot and takes him home.

Once safely in his New home, the parrot looks around and squawks at the
woman,

"F u c k a new brothel, a new madam and me"

"I'm not a madam and this isn't a brothel," says the woman indignantly.

A little later the woman's two teenage daughters arrive home.

"A new brothel, a new madam, and now new prostitutes" says the parrot
when he sees the daughters.

"Mum, tell your parrot to shut-up, we're not prostitutes" complained the girls, But they all see the funny side and have a laugh at their new pet.


A short while later, the woman's husband comes home.

Well f u c k me, a new brothel, a new madam, new whores, but the same old
clients. How ya doin', Andrew?"

Andrew just collapsed
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/25/04 12:32 PM

hhaaa haaaa thats a cracker


One day a cucumber, a pickle and a penis were having a conversation:

The pickle says, "You know, my life really sucks. Whenever I get fat and juicy, they sprinkle seasonings over and they stick me in a jar

The cucumber says, "Yeah you think that's bad? Whenever I get big fat and juicy, they slice me up and they put me over salad."

The p'enis says, "You think that your lives are tough? Well,whenever I get big, fat and juicy, they throw a plastic bag over my head,shove me
in a wet dark, smelly room and force me to do push-ups until I throw up and lose consciousness!"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/25/04 12:49 PM

hahahaha
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/25/04 01:11 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> hk hk hk hk lol. Kodwa uphenduka njalo nje lu baba kayiyeki into yakhe hk hk hk!
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/25/04 02:13 PM

A guy is walking down the street, sees a beautiful woman with a very
short skirt, approaches her and says, "My god, you're hot!!! I've GOT to make it with you! I can't help myself, and no matter what, I've GOT to have you!"

The woman is very shocked and asks him,

"What!? HERE? In the middle of the street!?"
The guy answers, "I've got to have you now! So I'll make you an offer.
I'll drop R500 on the sidewalk and, while you're picking it up, I will do everything I want. OK?"

The lady seems to be in intense thought.

Then she calls her friend.

She tells her friend the story, looking for some advice. The friend says,
"It's no big problem. When he drops the money, you pick up the R500 fast, and he won't even have time to get his fireman out of his pants before you finish picking it up. Just take the money and run!"

The next day, the friend sees the woman walking like an old woman.

The friend asks, "What happened to you!?" The woman answers nervously, "That son-of-a-bitch dropped R500 in 20 cent coins!"
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/27/04 03:39 PM

Bafowethu.

There is an AD going on on TV,
"Do you want to build a New Career with YOUR OWN 2 HANDS?, then come to the Singleton Institute for training."

Li Zwangendaba
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 02:09 AM

Enye indoda yesitshoneni yayisebhasini isiya ekhaya lomfazi wayo. Kuhanjwa kunathwa phela emabhasini lapha.

So indoda isidakiwe kwangena itshatshazi lentombi ebhasini, indoda yabona umfazi wayo esemubi okuyangisayo.

Yaqhweba umfazi wayo yathi "Mai Mwana, aya ndiwo anonzi magaro" (this is what we call bottoms).

Umfazi wazithulela. Bathi sebephambili amadoda asecela ithunda station ku driver aphuma alayina eceleni kwebhasi.

Umfazi waqhweba indoda wayitshengisa enye indoda eyayithwele kubi ilahla amanzi wathi"Baba mwana iyo ndiyo inonzi mboro" (that's what we call a penis). <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 02:16 AM

P/s
Le izolisetha manje .

What is the difference between a bicycle and a woman?

Well, with a bicycle you first pump and then ride whereas with a woman you first ride and then pump.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 07:49 AM

hk..hk..hk..hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 09:07 AM

A man with no ears is trying to find a new reporter for their news show. The first guy walks in and the boss says, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is one thing you notice about me?" And the guy says, "Well shit! You got no ears man!" So the boss yells "Get the fuck out!". So the next guy comes in and the boss says to him, "This job requires you noticing a lot of details. What is something you notice about me?" And the guy says, "That's easy. You got no ears!" So the boss says, to him, "Get the fuck out!" As the second guy leaves he sees the third guy about to go in and says to him, "The boss has no ears so don't say anything about them, he is really sensitive about it." So the guy goes in and the boss says, "This job requires you to notice a lot of details. What is one that you notice about me?" So the guy says, "Your wearing contacts!" And the boss says, "Yeah, how did you know?" So the guy replies, "Well shit, you can't wear glasses cause you ain't got no
fuckin' ears."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 02:20 PM

Hhah, haaaa......kli....kli....kli.

that's a real detail. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/28/04 05:30 PM

It was during December holidays in Mabopane when the
husband demanded
to have sex with his wife. The wife complained that
he is demanding
too
much and he must rather go to town to buy because
she can't tolerate
any more. Early in the morning at about 09h00 the
husband left his
house.
Few metres down the street other lady asks why he was
in a hurry. The
man said he is going to town to buy(prostitutes) and
the lady asked
how
much does he have? The man said I 've got R50 to spend
on them. Then
the lady said you better have me for R30 then you
will save R20 then
the man agreed.

After a couple of minutes he returned home. His wife
asked why he's
so
early, then the husband said that Mpho who stays down
their street
gave
him sex with some discount as compared to the
makgoshas in
town. He even boasted that he saved money for taxi
fees as well as
Discount of R20 so he had a couples of cold Hansas.
The lady was
furious and said they must go back at Mpho's house and
demand their
money back. After some argument off they went. When
they arrived the
lady started shouting as usual that `` Hey! wena
sifebe, buyisa imali
yendod'am. Eyakho indoda ndiyipha mahala ngoku wena
uyayibhatalisa
eyam, RHA UZAKUNYA!! "
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 07:00 AM

Power of a woman


Every day a 4th grade boy walks home from school past a 4th grade girl's house. One day he is carrying a football, and he stops to taunt the little girl. He holds up the football and says
"See this football? Football is a boys game and girls can't have one!" The little girl runs in the house crying and tells her mother about
the encounter. She runs out and buys the girl a football.


The next day the boy is riding home on his bike, and the girl shows him the football, yelling "Nah na nah na nah". The little boy gets mad and points to his bike. "See this bike? This is a boys bike, and girls can't have
them!"


Next day, the boy comes by and the little girl is riding a new boys bike. Now he is really mad. So he drops his pants, points at his most private of parts, and says "You see THIS? Only BOYS have these and your mother can't go buy you one!"


The next day as he passes the house he asks the little girl "Well, what do you have to say NOW?" So she pulls up her dress and says...
'My mother told me that as long as I have one of these, I can have as many of THOSE as I want!"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 07:52 AM

mabila hk..hk..hk <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> good one i must say.

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 11:23 AM

A man and woman meet at a bar. They get along so well that they decide to go back to the woman's place. A few drinks later, the guy takes off his shirt and then washes his hands. He then takes of his trousers and washes his hands again. Watching him, the woman says, "You must be a dentist.? Surprised, the guy responds, "Yes... how did you figure that out?""Easy," she replies, "you keep washing your hands."One thing leads to another and they make love. Once they're done, the woman says, "You must be a really good dentist."The guy, now with a boosted ego, says, "Well yes, I am a good dentist.How did you figure that out?""I didn?t feel a thing!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 11:45 AM

(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)

It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he;refuses to be swayed as he approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.

He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be.

He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before. His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.

As he presses closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues. He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.

Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on. He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you. After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have
it over.

He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells
you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most
stubborn yet most rewarding experience.


You smile and thank your dentist. After all,it was
your first time to have a tooth pulled.

Naughty, Naughty!

What were you thinkin' ?

PERVERT

I know what you were thinking!
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 01:28 PM

Uyazi Mabila uyangibulala, its as if u were there when it happened to me........having a tooth extracted was the most painful experience yet the relief afterwards was amazing....hatshi i'm sure abanewethu will need some kind of relief after reading this..ngiqinisele na?? ha, ha, ha <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 02:03 PM

Three tortoises, Mick, Andy and Roy, decide to go on a picnic. So Mick packs the picnic basket with beer and sandwiches. The trouble is the picnic site is ten miles away so it takes them ten days to get there. When they get there Mick unpacks the food and beer and says "Ok Roy give me the bottle opener" "I didn't bring it" says Roy "I thought you packed it".

Mick gets worried, so he turns to Andy and says "Did you bring the bottle opener?" Naturally Andy didn't bring it. So they're stuck ten miles from home without a bottle opener. Mick and Andy beg Roy to go back for it. But he refuses as he says they will eat all the sandwiches in his absence.
After two hours and after they have sworn on their tortoise lives that they will not eat the
sandwiches, he finally agrees. So Roy sets off down the road at a steady pace.


20 days pass and he still isn't back and Mick and Andy are starving, but a promise is a promise. Another 5 more days and he still isn't back, but a promise is a promise. Finally they can't take it any longer so they take out a sandwich each, and just as they are about to eat it, Roy pops up from behind a rock and shouts: "I KNEW IT......I'M NOT GOING
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 02:08 PM

Mabila! I wish i was a dentist rather... kukhanya angani uyakhulula bantu ezi nhlungwini, njalo efaka umtshina wakhe wonke phakathi, kuze kulunge.

Hk Hk Hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 02:53 PM

Ungangibulali so Dokotela ngokuRoy kuzihlalele ngemva kwedwala........

Mabila,
uphose wangikhumbuza ngisese ngudentist........wothi ngithule. <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 04:27 PM

mabila - you finish me <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> uyangiqeda <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 04:42 PM

Son (S): Why is making love so enjoyable?
Father (F): It is just like the sensation when you
are digging your nose with your finger!!

S : Why do women enjoy sex more than men
F : It is because when you dig your nose, your nose feels more
comfort than your finger.

S : Why do women hate it when they get raped?
F : It is like when you are walking on the street, someone else comes over and digs in your nose, do you like it??

S : Why can women not have sex when they are? Menstruating?
F : If your nose is bleeding, do you still dig it??

S : Why do men not like to wear condoms when they are making love?
F : Do you like to dig your nose with a glove on your finger?

S : Why is making love carried out in private?
F : Will you dig you nose in front of your class? Stupid!

S : What is an orgasm?
F : The same as sneezing, but the other way round

S : Is it true that women love big dicks?
F : Ever tried picking your nose with your thumb?

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 07:36 PM

what a man will do for a beautiful woman..
A beautiful secretary of a bank president was asked to squire around the king of a wealthy african king,one of the banks most important clients.
After a day shopping and sightseing the king was besotted with the lady, and asked for her hand in marriage. The proposal took the secretary by surprise and she was thinking of how to turn him down politely without jeopardising the bank's business reltnship.
So she told the king that she would marry him if he fulfilled 3 conditions. The king agreed. 1st condition-she would marry him if he could give her a 75-carat diamong ring with matching 200 carat tiara, the king thought for a while "No problem! l have, l have".
One down the lady thought up something more complex. 2nd condition- "u must built me a 200 room mansion in NY city and for my holiday home, a chateau in the middle of the best wine country in France".
The king agree "OK, l build, l build".
Realising she was down to her last defence, the lady thought hard.
Finally, she smiled to herself thinking that her third condition was the best yet.
Surely the king could not possibly fulfill this one. "Well, u know, l love sex, so the man l marry MUST have a 14-inch long penis".
The king was silent and thoughtful for a long time, burying his face in his head, and in a rather sad, resigned voice said "OK, OK, l cut, l cut".
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/29/04 07:58 PM

Hlathi hatshi sibili kawagubheki ngesithupha hk hk hk!!

Ntombenhle!
hk hkhk hk hk ukungazi kufana lokufa bantu. Aluba waqala wahlola hk.
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 03:39 AM

kuthiwa u ndlovu wavakatshela i best friend yakhe u dube endlini yakhe kodwa wasethola kulomfazi ka dube yena u baba engekho.
baxoxa u ndlovu lo ma moyo kwabakuhle sibili,kwathi ngemva kwesikhathi undlovu sefuna ukuhamba ebesithi kumamoyo...........
NDLOVU:uyazi mamoyo amabele (breasts)akho mahle okwamagama,bengicela ukuwabona
MAMOYO: ha ha ha shuwa ndlovu!udube ethini angakuthola ubamba amabele ami
NDLOVU:hatshi mama angifuni kuwabamba ,ngifuna ukuwabona kuphela,njalo ngizakubhadala ngemali nxa ufuna
wamangala umamoyo ngemali eziletha yodwa ebe vuma,undlovu wathi nge $500 cela uvule ibele elilodwa ngilibone,wavula sibili umfazi wathatha i mali yakhe
undlovu wathi ngeyinye i $500 cela ukubona elinye lakhona,wavuma umfazi wathola imali yakhe
nge $1000 dollars cela ukubona wonke omabili kanye,ha wathaba wafa u mamoyo esethole imali engako ngamabele akhe.
uthe eseqedile undlovu wabonga wasukuma wavalelisa,ngemva kwama hola amabili wathutsha u dube.ethola umfazi uthabe umanzi
MAMOYO:litshonile baba ,umngane wakho u dube ube lapha ,kodwa usehambile uthe uzalibona kusasa,kodwa hayi yena ngumngane omuhle impela...!
DUBE::hawu yebo ,kodwa yena utshiyile isikwelede sami se $2000 yini??
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 09:14 AM

One day there were two boys playing by a stream. One of the young boys saw a bush and went over to it and the other boy couldn't figure out why his friend was at the bush so long. The other boy went over to the bush and looked. The two boys were looking at a woman bathing naked in the steam. All of a sudden the second boy took off running. The first boy couldn't understand why he ran away so he took off after his friend. Finally, he caught up to him and asked why he ran away. The boy said to his friend, "My mom told me if I ever saw a naked lady I would turn to stone, and I felt something getting hard in my jeans, so I ran."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 05:12 PM

hk hk hk Hlathi


Definitions

Q: How can a woman tell if she is flat chested?
A: She will look down her dress and the two bumps she sees are her knees.


Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women ?
A: When they come they're wild and wet, but when they go they take your
house and car with them.


Q: Why can't you trust a woman ?
A: How can you trust something that bleeds for five days and doesn't die?


Q: What's the difference between a pregnant woman and a light bulb?
A. You can unscrew a light bulb.


Q: Why do women close their eyes during sex?
A: They can't stand seeing a man have a good time.


Q: How do you make your wife scream for an hour after sex?
A: Wipe your dick on the curtains.


Q: Why do men die before their wives?
A: They want to.


Q: What are the small bumps around a woman's nipples for?
A: Its Braille for "suck here".


Q: Why did God give men penises ?
A: So they'd have at least one way to shut a woman up.


Q: What is an Australian kiss?
A: It is the same as a French kiss but only down under.


Q: Define Bra?[simple words]
A: A modern device used for the upliftment of the downfallen ones.


Q: Define a Bra? [Shakspearean words]
A: Under shoulder boulder holder.


Q: What do you do with 365 used condoms?
A: Melt them down, make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.


Q: What's the speed limit of sex?
A: 68; at 69 you have to turn around.


Q: Why girls rub their eyes when they get up in the morning?
A: They don't have balls to scratch.


Q: What did the egg say to the boiling water?
A: "How can you expect me to get hard so fast? I just got laid a minute
ago."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 05:56 PM

The boss's expectations

A butcher watching over his shop is really surprised when he sees a dog coming inside the shop. He shows him away but later, the dog is back again. So, he goes over to the dog and notices it has a note in its mouth. He takes the note and it reads "Can I have 12 sausages and a leg of lamb, please". The dog has money in its mouth, as well.

The butcher looks inside and there is a ten dollar note there. So he takes the money and puts the sausages and lamb in a bag, placing it in the dog's mouth.

The butcher is so impressed and since it's about closing time, he decides to shut the shop and follow the dog. So off he goes. The dog is walking down the street, when it
comes to a level crossing, the dog puts down the bag, jumps up and presses the button. Then it waits patiently, bag in mouth, for the lights to turn green
and then the dog walks across the road with the butcher following him all the way.

The dog then comes to a bus stop and starts looking at the timetable. The dog stops a bus by pulling ts left leg up and gets in it. The butcher follows the dog into
the bus.The dog then shows a ticket which is tied to its belt to the bus conductor.

The butcher is nearly fainting at this sight, so are the other passengers in the bus. The dog then sits near the
driver's seat looking outside waiting for the bus stop to come. As soon as the stop is in sight, the dog stands and wags its tail to inform the conductor. Then, without waiting for the bus to stop completely, it jumps out of the bus and runs to a house very close to the stop.

It opens the big iron gate and rushes inside towards the door. As it approaches the wooden door, the dog suddenly changes its mind and heads towards the garden. It
goes to the window and beats its head against it several time, walks back, jumps off and waits at the door. The butcher watches as a big guy opens the door and starts abusing the dog, kicking him and punching him and swearing at him. The butcher surprised with this, runs up and stops the guy. "What in heaven's name are you
doing? The dog is a genius. "He could be on TV, for the life of me!" to which the guy responds:
"You call this clever? This is the Second time this week that this stupid dog has forgotten his key".

Moral of the story...

You may continue to exceed expectations but shall always fall short of the boss' s expectations.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 07:53 PM

Hanging Wright...

An attorney got home late one evening, after a very taxing day trying to get a stay of execution for a client, named John Wright, who was due to be hanged for murder at midnight. His last-minute plea for clemency to the governor had failed and he was feeling tired and depressed.

As soon as he got through the door his wife started on about, "What time of night do you call this? Where have you been?," and on and on.

He went off for a long hot soak in the bathtub... pursued by the predictable
sarcastic remarks.


While he was in the bath the phone rang, which the wife answered and was told that the stay of execution had been granted after all. Realizing what a day he must have had, she relented a little and went upstairs to give him the good news.

When she opened the bathroom door the sight of her husband's ass greeted her as he bent over naked drying his legs and feet.


"They're not hanging Wright tonight," she said.
The man whirled around and screamed, "For crying out loud, don't you ever stop?"
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 09/30/04 10:56 PM

hk wena mabila wena ,wangihlephula uyazi,
amasendle are not hanging wright...........lol...hk hk
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 05:36 AM

Hk Hk HK <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Mabila, uyang' chaza. Wena lo Hlathi lisiphethe ngamahlaya (Word from Mnto). Keep it up!!! Laughter is like medicine.

Ntombenhle, Hk HK, the thought of cutting the whooper is very painful for all men. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 05:51 AM

The new pastor was visiting in the homes of his parishioners. At one house it seemed obvious that someone was at home, but no answer came to his
repeated knocks at the door. He took out a card, wrote "Revelation 3:20" on the back and stuck it in the door.
When the offering was processed the following Sunday, he found that his card had been returned. Added to it was this cryptic message, "Genesis 3:10."
Reaching for his Bible to check out the citation, he broke up in gales of laughter.
Revelation 3:20 begins "Behold, I stand at the door and knock."
Genesis 3:10 reads, "I heard your voice in the garden and I was afraid for I was naked."

Remember when the funniest jokes were the clean ones? They still are!
A cheerful heart is good medicine... (Prov 17:22a)
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 07:28 AM

BAPTISM

<img src="http://www.freewebs.com/sponono/image0012.gif" alt=" - " />

http://www.freewebs.com/sponono/image0012.gif
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 08:38 AM

A man goes to bath with his 3yr old son,"dad what's that"asks the son ?"Thats moses" replied the father.The next day the kid takes a bith with his mother."Mom whats that?"."Thats Jerusalem replies the mother."

One night as usuall,the son was sleepng on the floor whilst the parents were enjoying the comfort of the bed, mom & dad went threw there paces as usuall,mmmm I am old,said the father ",after he had finished.......

A cough was heard from the son."Son are you still awake?"asked the father "Yes, since moses entered into jerusalem I was watching him....."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 09:25 AM

A businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend a sex filled afternoon with her for $500.

So they do.

Before he leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but that he will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment 'RENT FOR APARTMENT.'

On the way to the office he regrets what he has done, realizing that the whole event was not worth the price.

So he has his secretary send a check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:

Dear Madam,

Enclosed find check in the amount of $250 for rent of your apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon, because when I rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:

1) It had never been occupied;
2) That there was plenty of heat;
3) That is was small enough to make me cozy and at home

However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that there wasn?t any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment to remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of it, if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is indeed of regular size, but if you don't have enough furniture to fill it, please do not blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present landlady!

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/01/04 10:43 PM

I received the following letter a few days ago.
-----------------------------

Subject: I need a little favor man.

Dear Doc

I have a favour to ask you. There are some of my friends arriving in your neighbourhood. They are very nice, polite and very religious people.

Would you mind to let them stay in your house for some time? I have given your address and telephone number to them already. I hope your are not very
mad with me.

Please, this is an urgent matter. They will not trouble you. I'm sending you a picture of them for you to easily recognize them. They will arrive at
your house in two Mercedes Benz cars, one white and the other one is green in colour.

Thanks in advance, I know you won't let me down.

Always friends.

Ian.

------ Attachment ------------
Type the link below on you address bar to see attachment

www.freewebs.com/sponono/v.jpg
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/02/04 06:49 AM

Bafowethu.

Kuthiwa enye indoda yayi gagasa, kodwa ithanda ukuhlabela. Yasihlabela ingoma ethi:

HE MARR..IED A CUNT... HE MARR..IED A CUNT...
HE MARRIED A COUNTRY GIRL.

SHE GA..VE HIM A PUSS... SHE GA..VE HIM A PUSS...
SHE GAVE HIM A PUSSY CAT.

HE GA..VE HER A PRICK... HE GA..VE HER A PRICK...
HE GAVE HER A PRICKLEPEAR.

FUK..YOU... FUK..YOU...
FOR CURIOSITY.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mbiko

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/02/04 08:37 AM

uZondo wayengumlandeli we Pirates omkhulu kabi kangangoba Wayengenasikhathi somndeni wakhe ngoba wayechitha sonke isikhathi
Sakhe ebukela ibhola noma ezidlela amanzi amponjwana kaMam'uneshuwa. Yabeyenzekile indaba lapho abangani bakhe bemtshela ukuthi njengoba
Ehlale eseshibhini nje unkosikazi wakhe uneshende azichithela nalo isizungu elihamba ngonyanyavu lomhuqa wemoto omhlophe. Egane unwabu uZondo wanikela ekhaya nangempela wafica izingane zizihlaleleokungumfazi kungekho. Wathatha iwisa lakhe wayocutha lapho bemtshele ukuthi umfazi wakhe wehliswa khona yimoto Yeshende. Uthe esacuthile nje yabeseyiqhamukile imoto yansondo. Wezwa kuncinza
amakhwapha ejuluka eba manzi te ngenxa yokudinwa Kepha wazibamba
wathi akafuni ukuthatha ngamawala ufuna ukubona kahle konke okwenzekayo.Esabuka nje lehle ishende lomfazi wakhe lizovula umnyango ukuze
umfazi lo aphume. Wathi eqeda kubona nje ukuthi ishende lomfazi wakhe ngu
Irvin Khoza, wajabula wahluleka ukuzibamba wabe esememezile "Dlala Bhakabhaka!!.Ezika Magebhula zagebhula a bafazi zaba bhekisa phezulu .Ayidle izishiyele Bhakabhaka."
Posted by: Mbiko

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/02/04 09:07 AM

Baba sicela ukuthi usithethelele amacala ethu yize singenawo njengoba wazi kahle nawe ukuthi akusithina esibulele lomlungu uJesu owayezele
ukuzofela abantu bonke emhlabeni. Lomlungu wabulawa abelungu abanye ngokumbethela
esiphambanweni. Futhi akusithina esimthengisile lomlungu baba -wathengiswa ngu Judas iSkariot ongumlungu naye. Akusithina esamphika
ukuthi siyamazi - waphikwa ngu Simon Petro ongumlungu naye futhi. U Petro kanye no Judas akusibona iziNzula ngoba kuyaziwa ezweni lonke ukuthi thina amaZulu asinawo amagama anjengalowo.Amagama ethu ngoLindiwe, oNomsa,
oSipho,oVusi oNonhlanhla,oThemba,kanye noBheki.
Konke lokhu kwenzeka eJerusalem futhi ngethemba ukuthi uyazi nawe baba ukuthi lendawo ikude kunathi futhi asiyazi.Izindawo esizaziyo kahle
ukusuka le kwaZulu Natala kuyofika le egoli nokuphindiela emuva.

Njengoba nawe ubona ke Nkululukulu ukuthi yinto yabelungu le -Baba siyacela ngegama lakho elingwcele ukuthi ungasifaki thina abeZulu ezintweni esingazazi ngoba thina abodaki asingeni neze neze kulendaba. Siyakucela ke Baba
uNkulunkulu uthi usikhiphe kulendaba . Kuze kube ngunaphakade naphakade AMEN !!!.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/02/04 12:38 PM

Mgaxa effect

Mgaxa dies and goes to heaven. When he gets there, St. Peter tells him that he is not on the list and he does not belong in heaven. Mgaxa must go to hell.

So Mgaxa goes to hell where Satan gives him a hearty welcome and tells him to make himself at home. Then Mgaxa notices that he left his luggage in heaven and tells Satan, who says, "No problem, I'll send a couple of little devils to get your stuff."

When the little devils get to heaven they find the gates are locked - st.Peter is having lunch ? and they start debating what to do.

Finally one comes up with the idea that they should go over the wall and get the luggage. As they are climbing the wall, two little angels see them, and one angel says to the other, ?My word, look at that! Mgaxa has been in hell no more than ten minutes and we're already getting refugees!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/03/04 01:40 AM

Bafowethu.

Some INNOCENT student nurses were walking in the operation theatre when they found a man recovering from the effects of anasthesia. He lay naked on the operation table, so they decided to do a revision on their anatomy studies.

Student#1, "this is the head, it is made of a bone shell, covered with flesh and housing the brain." She said with pride and show-off to her friends.

Student #2, "This is the abdomen. It contains the organs of digestion."

Student #3, "This is the penis. It is the male organ of reproduction."

#1, "Hey girls, what material is the penis made of?" She asked innocently.

#2, "It must be flesh, can't you see how soft it is." She said so holding the penis in her hand. The warmth of her blood started to arrouse the recovering man.

#3, "It can not be flesh, it must be cattilage, can't you see how stiff it is?" She also took it in her hand. That further excited the recovering man.

#1, "No, girls this is a bone. Can't you see the bone marrow flowing from this little hole?"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 12:00 AM

KoDlodlo lapha inhlamba yayingazili
kwakubizwana ngayo omkhulu lomncane
umama uMaNkonjeni waze wathi "Hah!
Dlodlo lokhu sokuyangisa lanxa kulabantu
bemzini abantwana babizana ngenhlamba"

Basebevumelana-ke abazali ukuthi banxuse umfundisi uMusa azofaka umthandazo lapha
ekhaya.
Kodwa bavumelana ukuthi ngalelo langa kumele
baxotshe abantwana bonke ukuze bangayangisi sokulomfundisi. Kwasala okuFa okule 3 yrs
kuphela ngoba kuthiwa ku innocent.

Umfundisi engakathandazi wenzelwa itiye wayihubula itshisa umuntu wenkosi uMankonjeni
esathi uthi,"iyatshisa mfundisi, kazisengwanga namuhla amathole afohlile"

Engakaphenduli umfundisi kwabe kuyithenga okuFa
kulokhu kuzidlalela eceleni kwathi,
"Ya izhakunyisha nshathanyoko"

Umfundisi wasukuma wadobha ibhayisikili watshaya phansi.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 02:05 AM

hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 10:40 PM

hk hk hk kwazi mina wena kumele wekele lokho okubhemayo
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 10:53 PM

amajaha amathathu ayejwayele ukubamba abesifazana irape, kwathi ngenyi mini bavumelana ukuthi akusachazi ukubamba irape abesifazane kungaba njani bazame indwangu. U Moyo nguye oweza laleloqhinga kwathi ke uDube laye wavumelana lalo lelo qhinga kodwa uSibanda owayegagasa nxa ekhuluma wala wathi yena angezake afa fa fa ke umthondo wakhe ngensitha yendwa ndwa ndwa ngu.
uMoyo nguye owaqalayo ukuyibethela indwangu, weza le report esithi ayisibunandi bayo madoda, uDube uthe esizwa lokho laye walandela wayibethela kuthiwa uDube engakholisi sooo.
umagagasa uSibanda yena wala wathi indwangu hayi kungangcono ehlale enjalo sibili ebulawa ngumnqa nqa me me mekelo kulokubethela indwangu hk hk hk.
after a few days umqamekelo wamtshaya okuzwayo usibanda bona abangane bakhe belokhe bezilibazisa ngendwangu nxa umqamekelo ungababamba.
usibanda wathi majida indwangu ngingayikhwela only on one condition nxa lingayivala ngesaka ubuso bayo ukuze vele ngingayiboni, iztshomi zakhe zavuma zakwenza lokho, usibanda wayibethela indwangu wayibethela okuzwayo wezwakala esesithi aah aah imnandi indwa ndwa indwangu imnandi indwangu majida, khi khi khi khiphisaka khi khikhi phi sa sa sa sa kaaaa ngiyiiii khi khikhi se
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 10:53 PM

amajaha amathathu ayejwayele ukubamba abesifazana irape, kwathi ngenyi mini bavumelana ukuthi akusachazi ukubamba irape abesifazane kungaba njani bazame indwangu. U Moyo nguye oweza laleloqhinga kwathi ke uDube laye wavumelana lalo lelo qhinga kodwa uSibanda owayegagasa nxa ekhuluma wala wathi yena angezake afa fa fa ke umthondo wakhe ngensitha yendwa ndwa ndwa ngu.
uMoyo nguye owaqalayo ukuyibethela indwangu, weza le report esithi ayisibunandi bayo madoda, uDube uthe esizwa lokho laye walandela wayibethela kuthiwa uDube engakholisi sooo.
umagagasa uSibanda yena wala wathi indwangu hayi kungangcono ehlale enjalo sibili ebulawa ngumnqa nqa me me mekelo kulokubethela indwangu hk hk hk.
after a few days umqamekelo wamtshaya okuzwayo usibanda bona abangane bakhe belokhe bezilibazisa ngendwangu nxa umqamekelo ungababamba.
usibanda wathi majida indwangu ngingayikhwela only on one condition nxa lingayivala ngesaka ubuso bayo ukuze vele ngingayiboni, iztshomi zakhe zavuma zakwenza lokho, usibanda wayibethela indwangu wayibethela okuzwayo wezwakala esesithi aah aah imnandi indwa ndwa indwangu imnandi indwangu majida, khi khi khi khiphisaka khi khikhi phi sa sa sa sa kaaaa ngiyiiii khi khikhi se
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 10:53 PM

amajaha amathathu ayejwayele ukubamba abesifazana irape, kwathi ngenyi mini bavumelana ukuthi akusachazi ukubamba irape abesifazane kungaba njani bazame indwangu. U Moyo nguye oweza laleloqhinga kwathi ke uDube laye wavumelana lalo lelo qhinga kodwa uSibanda owayegagasa nxa ekhuluma wala wathi yena angezake afa fa fa ke umthondo wakhe ngensitha yendwa ndwa ndwa ngu.
uMoyo nguye owaqalayo ukuyibethela indwangu, weza le report esithi ayisibunandi bayo madoda, uDube uthe esizwa lokho laye walandela wayibethela kuthiwa uDube engakholisi sooo.
umagagasa uSibanda yena wala wathi indwangu hayi kungangcono ehlale enjalo sibili ebulawa ngumnqa nqa me me mekelo kulokubethela indwangu hk hk hk.
after a few days umqamekelo wamtshaya okuzwayo usibanda bona abangane bakhe belokhe bezilibazisa ngendwangu nxa umqamekelo ungababamba.
usibanda wathi majida indwangu ngingayikhwela only on one condition nxa lingayivala ngesaka ubuso bayo ukuze vele ngingayiboni, iztshomi zakhe zavuma zakwenza lokho, usibanda wayibethela indwangu wayibethela okuzwayo wezwakala esesithi aah aah imnandi indwa ndwa indwangu imnandi indwangu majida, khi khi khi khiphisaka khi khikhi phi sa sa sa sa kaaaa ngiyiiii khi khikhi se
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 10:54 PM

amajaha amathathu ayejwayele ukubamba abesifazana irape, kwathi ngenyi mini bavumelana ukuthi akusachazi ukubamba irape abesifazane kungaba njani bazame indwangu. U Moyo nguye oweza laleloqhinga kwathi ke uDube laye wavumelana lalo lelo qhinga kodwa uSibanda owayegagasa nxa ekhuluma wala wathi yena angezake afa fa fa ke umthondo wakhe ngensitha yendwa ndwa ndwa ngu.
uMoyo nguye owaqalayo ukuyibethela indwangu, weza le report esithi ayisibunandi bayo madoda, uDube uthe esizwa lokho laye walandela wayibethela kuthiwa uDube engakholisi sooo.
umagagasa uSibanda yena wala wathi indwangu hayi kungangcono ehlale enjalo sibili ebulawa ngumnqa nqa me me mekelo kulokubethela indwangu hk hk hk.
after a few days umqamekelo wamtshaya okuzwayo usibanda bona abangane bakhe belokhe bezilibazisa ngendwangu nxa umqamekelo ungababamba.
usibanda wathi majida indwangu ngingayikhwela only on one condition nxa lingayivala ngesaka ubuso bayo ukuze vele ngingayiboni, iztshomi zakhe zavuma zakwenza lokho, usibanda wayibethela indwangu wayibethela okuzwayo wezwakala esesithi aah aah imnandi indwa ndwa indwangu imnandi indwangu majida, khi khi khi khiphisaka khi khikhi phi sa sa sa sa kaaaa ngiyiiii khi khikhi se
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 04:58 PM

Sibalukhulu Othandekayo,

Lesi yisicelo sami esibekekileyo.

Ngicela uphe abalandelayo imivuzo ngesipho abalaso sokuhlekisa uzulu:

1) Mabila
2) Hlathi
3) Soweto

Yimi ozithobayo
UKwazi mina..... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 05:16 PM

What a woman says, what she really means...

I need = I want
We need = I want
It's your decision = The correct decision should be obvious by now
Do whatever you want = You are going to pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about?
I'm not emotional! And I'm not overreacting! = I have a severe case of PMS
Be romantic, turn out the lights = I have flabby thighs
This kitchen is so inconvenient = I want a new house
I want new curtains = I want new curtains, new carpeting, new furniture, new wallpaper...
I need new shoes = the other 40 pairs are simply the wrong shade
I heard a noise = I noticed you were almost asleep
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today you're really going to hate
I'll be ready in a minute = Kick off your shoes and find a good game on T.V.
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
Are you listening to me? = Too late, you're dead
Yes = No
No = No
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
I was wrong = Not as wrong as you
Do you like this recipe? = It's easy to fix, so you'd better get used to it
Was that the baby? = Why don't you get out of bed and walk him until he goes to sleep
I'm not yelling! = Of course I'm yelling, this is important!


What a man says, what he really means...

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Would you like to dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Nice dress! = Nice cleavage!
You look tense, let me give you a massage = I want to fondle you
What's wrong? = What meaningless self-inflicted psycho trauma are you going through now?
You look upset = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
Yes, I love your new hairstyle = I liked it better before
Yes, your haircut looks good = $50 and it doesn't even look different!
I like the first dress you tried on better = Pick any freakin' dress and let's go!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 05:45 PM

A fifteen year-old boy came home with a Porsche and his parents began to scream, "Where did you get that car???!!!" He calmly told them, "I bought it today."

"With what money?" demanded his parents. "We know what a Porsche costs." "Well," said the boy, "this one cost me fifteen dollars." So the parents began to yell even louder. "Who would sell a car like that for fifteen dollars?" they said.

"It was the lady up the street," said the boy." I don't know her name--they just moved in. She saw me ride past on my bike and asked me
if I wanted to buy a Porsche for fifteen dollars."

"Dear God," moaned the mother, "she must be a child abuser. Who knows what she will do next? John, you go right up there and see what's going on."

So the boy's father walked up the street to the house where the lady lived and found her out in the yard calmly planting petunias! He introduced himself as the father of the boy to whom she had sold a Porsche for fifteen dollars and demanded to know why she did it.

"Well," she said, "this morning I got a phone call from my husband. I thought he was on a business trip, but it seems he has run off to Hawaii with his secretary and doesn't intend to come back. He asked me to sell his new Porsche and send him the money. So I did."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/04/04 05:49 PM

Sibalukhulu,

Ngisuke ngalibala kulist yami:

4) UDokotela


Balesipho esihle lababantwana bakamthwakazi. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 03:08 AM

Kwazi mina ngiyabonga ukuncoma kwakho kodwa sazise nje ukuthi mhlana kungena isihluzo sika Sibalukhulu thina sihle siphelekezelane singaka qanjwa GPN!

Kuthiwa uGPN ngu Giqika Phansi Ngokuhleka and now replaces o hk hk hk hk labo nk nk nk nk nk!!
Arrest my case GPN!! Ungazitshiyi phandle sibili wena le Zwangendaba, othsisa labo Butho abakababa lowana wemigodla emibili GPN!!!
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 05:03 AM

Ngiyabonga dade Mabila, ngitshiye abanengi abahlanganisa oBhudaza kodwa phela lina engiliqambileyo liyiphethe ngezandla inkundla.

A guy was dating three ladies but wanted to marry just one of them.

So, to test their capabilities, he gives each one of them US$5000 to spend on what they want.

The first spends all the money on the best apparel for herself and she shows the guy, he is impressed.

The second one spends the money buying the guy the best clothing and some gifts. The guy is impressed also.

The third spends all the money between herself and the guy buying the best she can find for the two of them. The guy is even more impressed.

In the end he marries the one with the biggest tits (boobs).
-----------------------------------
Some man are alive simply because it's illegal to kill them.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 11:05 AM

Mzenda, Nkomo, Mgaxa and Miss Zim were having feel of the newly introduced commuter train. The train goes through a tunnel and it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap!

The train comes out of the tunnel. Miss Zim and Mgaxa are sitting there, looking perplexed. Mzee is bent over holding his face, which is sore from an apparent slap. All of them remain diplomatic and nobody says anything.

Mgaxa is thinking: "Mzee must have tried to kiss the beauty queen in the tunnel. Very proper that she slapped him."

Miss Zim is thinking: "Mzee must have moved to kiss me, and kissed Mgaxa instead and got slapped."

Mzee is thinking: "Damn it, Nkomo must have tried to kiss Miss Zims, She thought it was me and slapped me."

Nkomo is thinking: "If this train goes through another tunnel, I can make another kissing sound and slap Mzee again....

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 12:43 PM

A 5yr old boy was jealous of his new baby brother because his mother was not paying attention to him at all.Tired of this constant ignoring he decided to solve the problem once and for all He decided to put poison on his mother's nipples while she was sleeping to kill the baby. The next morning the gardener was found dead.
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 03:42 PM

Angithi uyabona seliqalisile.

UMzee loMdala sebeyizitshomi lapha abakhona, ngabona sowayixoxela eyakoMzee ukuthi nguye owayi karabha ngempama.

Lapha Mabila phela utsho ukuthi umfana wengadini wayetshova elifake emlonyeni.....Hheh..GPN!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 04:16 PM

mabila..gpn...gpn...gpn <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/05/04 05:15 PM

Little Themba is taking a shower with his mother and says, "Mom, what are those things on your chest!?" Unsure of how to reply, she tells Themba to ask his dad at breakfast tomorrow, quite certain the matter would be forgotten.Themba didn't forget. The following morning he asked his father the same question. His father, always quick with the answers, says, "Why Themba, those are balloons. When your mommy dies, we can blow them up and she'll float to heaven." Themba thinks that's neat and asks no more questions.

A few weeks later, Themba?s dad comes home from work a few hours early. Themba runs out of the house crying hysterically, "Daddy! Daddy! Mommy's dying!!" His father says, "Calm down son! Why do you think Mommy's dying?" "Uncle Harry is blowing up Mommys' balloons and she's screaming, "Oh God, I'm coming!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/06/04 02:08 AM

Mrs Dube is travelling with her 5 year old duaghter susan at night time,as they pass BARROW STREET they see some night ladies waving at cars and exposing their half naked bodies,susan asks her mom
susan:mum who are those ladies standing there?
mum:they r ladies waiting to be picked up by their husbands ready to go home.
the commutter ominubus conduct and the drive join in the conversation and they lash out at the mother for telling her daughter lies,
driver/windi:tell the kid the truth,those are night ladies waiting for men to pay them for sex.
the mother is so ambarrased and after a while the duaghter asks
susan:mum do those ladies have kids too???
mum:yes my duaghter,they do!were do u think these commuter drivers and windisi came from!!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/06/04 09:12 AM

The bride tells her husband, "Honey, you know I'm a virgin
and I don't know anything about sex. Can you explain it to me
first?"

"OK, Sweetheart. Putting it simply, we will call your private place 'the prison' and call my private thing 'the prisoner'.

So what we do is: put the prisoner in the prison. And then they made love for the first time. Afterwards, the guy is lying face up on the bed, smiling with satisfaction.

Nudging him, his bride giggles, "Honey the prisoner seems to have escaped.? Turning on his side, he smiles. "Then we will have to
re-imprison him."

After the second time they spent, the guy reaches for his cigarettes but the girl, thoroughly enjoying the new experience of making love, gives him a suggestive smile, "Honey, the prisoner is out again!? The man rises to the occasion, but with the unsteady legs of a recently born foal.

Afterwards, he lays back on the bed, totally exhausted. She nudges him and says, "Honey, the prisoner escaped again."

Limply turning his head, He yells at her, "Hey, it's not a life sentence you know"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/06/04 12:12 PM

Tshisa,

Don't kill me so. Uyengihlephuna mani.

Ungukhumbuza iwindi elalidinga ongakabhadali emtshoveni.

Kuthe ngemva kwesikhathi omunye ujaha wasekhupha imali waqhubela iwindi. Iwindi lamkhangela lamsayiza laselisithi;

"Ubuvel'uthuleleni wena masendlis'akho"Abantu bakhamisa imilomo esinye isalukazi saze sathi: "Inhlamba engaka mntanami phakathi kwabantu"

Iwindi lathi"Leyo ingcono gogo kulaleyo oyifukameleyo"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/06/04 06:52 PM

One day, in line at the company cafeteria, Jack said to Mike behind him,
"My elbow hurts terribly? I guess I had better see doctor."
"Listen, you don't have to spend that kind of money, " Mike replied.

"There's a diagnostic computer at the corner drugstore. Just give it a urine sample and the computer will tell you what's wrong and what to do about it. It takes ten seconds and costs ten dollars.... heck of a lot cheaper than a doctor!"
So Jack collected a urine sample in a small jar and took it to the drugstore. When he deposited his ten dollars, the computer lit up and asked
for the urine sample. He poured the sample into a funnel and waited. Ten seconds later, the computer ejected a printout: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water and avoid heavy activity. It will improve in two weeks. That evening while thinking about how amazing this new technology was, Jack began wondering if the computer could be fooled. He mixed some tap water, stool sample from his dog, urine
samples from his wife and daughter, scraped some oil off the driveway and masturbated into the mixture for good measure. Jack hurried back to the drugstore, eager to check the results. He deposited ten dollars, poured in his concoction, and awaited the results.

The computer printed out the following:
1. Your tap water is too hard. Get a water softener.
2. Your dog has ringworm. Bathe him with anti-fungal shampoo.
3. Your daughter has a cocaine habit. Get her into rehab.
4. Your wife is pregnant...twin girls. They aren't yours. Get a Lawyer.
5. Your Volvo needs rings.
6. And if you don't stop playing with yourself, your elbow will never get
better.
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/06/04 11:10 PM

Mabila,

I-degree olayo ngeyani? Sengikwesaba....gpn....gpn....gpn. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 03:48 AM

Bafowethu.

GPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPNGPN i type writer ize ife.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 09:18 AM

isdakwa sasizikwantshela ntambamba ngensonto sivela ebigbhawa siquma egangeni lentumbane ngenyawo sisiya edeni, sabe siqava amazayoni ebhabhathizana kokunye okuyisifudlana nanso sisiya khona isidakwa sidakwe blind, sithe sifika lapho amazayoni abesibuza ukuthi baba uyafuna ukumthola ujesu isidakwa sathi ngingamthola ujesu mina ngizazuzani? Umfundisi wathi insuku zakho zizakwanda emhlabeni.
isidakwa sathi ngiyafuna ukumthola. Basithatha isidakwa basikhulekela basifaka emanzini umzimba wonke kanye le kopo after a few minutes basiletha topola umfundisi wathi usumtholle ujesu isidakwa sathi hayi angikamtholi, basiphinda njalo khwampaa emanzini isidakwa sathi hayi angikamtholi, after about three or four times isidakwa laso sesikhathele sabe sibuza umfundisi sathi kanti vele yena othe ujesu wagalula lapha ngubani?
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 09:22 AM

gpn gpn nk Hk ha ha ha, <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Ngafa yi mbambo Mabila, Zwangs , Kwazi <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 09:27 AM

Mail from fellow Ndazula.

Our Home Affairs Minister Mangosuthu Buthelezi was talking to an American and a Russian about the wonders of science. The Russian started saying "We were the first to be in Space". The American then said "We were the first to land on the Moon"


Then our Home Affairs Minister said "We are going to be the first to land on the Sun". Then the two foreigners looked at each other and said "You will burn up if you land on the Sun!"

He responded with pride and confidence by saying.
"Abasazi laba, basithatha kancane: Sizoya Ebusuku"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 11:14 AM

gpn..gpn..gpn..liyangibulala bantu <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 11:47 AM

<img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> ....... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> ... <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> .... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 01:21 PM

The way to start up your brand new comp.

INSTALLING HUSBAND 1.0

Dear Tech Support,

Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance - particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, and then installed undesirable programs such as AfricaCupofNations 5.0, NBA 3.0 , UEFA Champions League 10.2 and Golf Clubs 4.1. The worst is usually WorldCup 4.8 which when it starts running also starts Ignore-her 6.4. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail.

What can I do?

Signed,

Desperate
-------------------------------------

Dear Desperate

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an Operating System.

Please enter the command: "http: I Thought You Loved Me.htm" and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5. But remember, over use of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5. Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background, that ill eventually seize control of all your system resources).

Also, do not attempt to reinstall the Boyfriend 5.0 program. These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0. In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We usually recommend Hot Food 3.0 and Lingerie 7.7 to our clients.

Good Luck, Tech Support
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 02:01 PM

hk, hk hk ngafa ngembhambo, i've to make sure i get myself a dose of this medicine on a daily basis, qubekani zihlobo..........Dokotela, any programmes available for finding FAITHFUL boyfriend 0.5 <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Doctor: i hav some bad news and some very bad news.
Patient: Well, might as well give me the bad news first.
Doctor:the lab called with the test results. they said u have 24hrs to live
Patient:24 HOURS! thats terrible!! WHAT could be WORSE? wat's the very bad news
Doctor: i've been trying to reach u since yesterday.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 05:24 PM

Dinner with the Girlfriend's Parents

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that after dinner, she would
like to go out and make love for the first time.

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour. He tells the boy
everything there is to know about condoms and sex.


At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather
busy, it being his first time and all.

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to
meet my parents, come on in!"

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down. 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."


The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was
a pharmacist."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 08:40 PM

ha ha haaa haa haaa, liyangibulala ngembambo.


A man walks into a Chinese restaurant but is told by the maitre d' that
there will be at least a twenty minute wait. "Would you like to wait in the
bar?" he asks.

The man goes into the bar and the bartender says, "What'll it be?"

The man replies, "Give me a Stoli with a twist."

The bartender pauses for a few seconds, then smiles and says, "Once upon
time there were FOUR little pigs..."
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/07/04 10:45 PM

Dabukamhlaba hk, hk, hk i had to read it twice..good one
A lawyer married a woman who had previously divorced ten husbands. On their wedding night, she told her new husband, "Please be gentle, I'm still a virgin."

"What?" said the puzzled groom. "How can that be if you've been married ten times?"

"Well, Husband 1 was a sales representative; he kept telling me how great it was going to be.

Husband 2 was in software services; he was never really sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he'd look into it and get back to me.

Husband 3 was from field services; he said everything checked out diagnostically, but he just couldn't get the system up.

Husband 4 was in telemarketing; even though he knew he had the order, he didn't know when he would be able to deliver.

Husband 5 was an engineer; he understood the basic process but wanted three years to research, implement, and design a new state-of-the-art method.

Husband 6 was from finance and administration; he thought he knew how, but he wasn't sure whether it was his job or not.

Husband 7 was in marketing; although he had a nice product, he was never sure how to position it.

Husband 8 was a psychologist; all he ever did was talk about it.

Husband 9 was a gynecologist; all he did was look at it.

Husband 10 was a stamp collector; all he ever did was... God! I miss him! But now that I've married you, im really excited!!"

"Good" said the husband, "but why?"
"u r a lawyer. This time i know im gonna get screwed!!"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 02:20 AM

GPN umnyaka wonke kini lonke..kuleboyz e-eriyeni lami eyakhula izihlalela lomatopiza beyi two.so babejuma ishower bonke ngoba iboyz yayigwaja ukuvintsha eshaweni iyi unalina[one]..so one day iboyz isibuza umatopcase ukuthi kanti what cascade ngobongani,utopcase wathi yiMIC...gpn,iboyz yabijunta ubongani katopcase yathi,"1,2,1,2 testing,baba ngicela isepa angifikeli".
Mabili thanx for isitampa sakho GPN
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 08:52 AM

A man and a woman were married for 40 years. When they first got married the man said, "I am putting a box under the bed. You must promise never to look in it." In all their 40 years of marriage the woman never looked.

However on the afternoon of their 40th anniversary curiosity got the best of her and she lifted the lid and peeked inside. In the box were 3 empty beer bottles and 21 954 250$ in small bills. She closed the box and put it back under the bed. Now that she knew what was in the box, she was doubly curious as to why.

That evening they were out for a special dinner at their favorite restaurant. After dinner the woman could no longer contain her curiosity and she confessed, saying, "I am so sorry. For all these years I kept my promise and never looked. However today the temptation was too much and I gave in. But now I need to know why do you keep the bottles in the box?"

The man thought for a while and said, "I guess after all these wonderful years you deserve to know the truth: Whenever I was unfaithful to you I put an empty beer bottle in the box under the bed to remind myself not to do it again."

The woman was shocked, but said, "I am very disappointed and saddened,but I guess after all those years away from home on the road, temptation does happen. And I guess that 3 times is not that bad considering the years." They hugged and made their peace.

A little while later, the woman asked the man, "Why do you have all that money in the box?" To which the man answered, "Whenever the box filled with empties, I cashed them in."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 09:00 AM

A Ndebele man was sitting with a Shona man and a Tonga man in
Saudi Arabia, sharing a smuggled barrel of beer,
when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested
them. They were initially given a death sentence
but, as it was a national holiday, the sheikh
decided they should be released after each receiving
20 lashes of the whip. As they were preparing for
their punishment, the sheikh said, "It's my first
wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each
of you one wish before your whipping, but you cannot
wish not to be whipped!"
The Tonga thought for a second then said: "Please
tie a pillow to my back before whipping." This was
done but the pillow lasted 10 lashes. The Shona saw
this and said: "Please tie two pillows to my back
before whipping." This was done and lasted for the
whole 20 lashes. The Ndebele saw this, but before he
could make his wish, the sheikh said:
"As you are from the Western Zimbabwe with all the
poverty and you share the same ethnicity with
Mqabuko, you are permitted to have two wishes!" The
Ndebele thought for a second, then said: "Thank you,
most royal and merciful highness. My first wish is
to receive 100 lashes with the strongest, toughest
whip available." "If you so desire," the sheikh
replied with a questioning look on his face, "and
your second wish?"
"Tie the Shona to my back."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 09:51 AM

soweto ngafa yi mbambo bra..hk..hk..hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 09:54 AM

One of the city's top cardiac specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of red roses.

When the pastor finished the sermon, and everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved
cardiologist.

Suddenly, one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter. Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral," the man replied. "I'm a gynecologist".

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/08/04 11:38 PM

Beer test.

Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested
that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.


The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.

To test the theory, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each.

It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologise when wrong.


No further testing is planned.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/09/04 10:17 PM

sengim rate kutsha u Mabila

************Number 1.

kutsho ukuthi ungu no 1 olamastars labo Good.
GPN
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/10/04 12:42 PM

Bhalelani oDade Lalezi!!

My Dali,

Time and ability has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why this miraculous thing happened is because babie I love you spontanaeously since you are a fantastic and fabulous girl.

Babie please stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalysis goes in reverse gear.

Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand and the next time we meet you would open for me chop chop! That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon.

I think I have to pen-off hear because I still haven't finished studying eloctrolysis and polymerisation. Catch you pa-later. Sleep tight and don' t let those bed bugs ever bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.

Yourz Ever,
Sugar mnandi mnandi!


PS: WHY DID YOU LIE TO ME THAT YOU ALSO USE THE TOILET????

**REPLY


P.O Box Thando Luyavutha!!!!


Kuwe Somoya

My Love, My Sugar, i was exaperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when i have been reading your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisation as to why i am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time. How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to make it schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart.

My honie, i am missing you very much right now, my heart is perumbulating with every word that i write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then i would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then i know that i will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Curry sanged it, you know that it is my favourite song honie, the one day that we were boarding the combies and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for the rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing agenest Diego Maradona. Anyways, i will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today. Please always writing to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea.

My dedications to you are :
Maria Curry - One Sweet Day.

Boys To Main - And of the Rod


Keep well my mop of my heart,



Yours in flesh and in blood,



Thoko

P.S. Sorry about my english, I did not learn anymore
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/10/04 02:49 PM

Mabila gpn gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> imbambo zangibulala <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/10/04 05:41 PM

let me copy and paste, engxenye ngingaba lenhlanhla. gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 03:06 AM

Bafowethu.

GPN GPN GPN.

Ujaha wayevela e Boarding School ekhombisa inkazana emalayinini.
BOY "Ngiyaku lover baby."
GIRL "Heeh, Isikhiwa sakho lesi wasifunda ngaphi?"
BOY "Ngasifunda kwesinye isikolo where they take X to represent an unknown number."
GIRL "Ende ubuyalazo wena bhudi"
BOY "Had I known that number, it would be you and I would be happy."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 07:31 AM

Mabili l'll sure try that one GPN <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 07:36 AM

Zwa lo Mabila lingibulalisa ngembambo <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> ..hk..hk..hk

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 09:51 AM

Sisi Mabila dont "murder me" like this.That letter is really a class of its own.Thats how we wrote our letters during that golden time.Nxa usukuveza manje heyi uyazi kumnandi kuvusa nomxwele.Mgabona into ezinengi ezincwadini zethu like this one.
"Mombocity and filocity has forced me to stabulate this stabulation.First and foremost I woul also like to confirm that I LOVE you very quickly. This started the moment I saw you perambulatind down occidental, I nearly lost my centre of gravity and that would have seen me precipitating down to a declivity. The smile that you gave to me the last time I saw you was just like a malenky kick under listo, it sent my feelings twisting like a Tarino bottle and the inner me was bubbling like a coca cola.Please note : I dont know the meanings but i think that how it was written.

Guys keep up the good work.Mabila Dok,Sgero Soweto,Ntombi,Tshisa,kwazi,zwangendaba lani lonke, i am proud of your creativity amd sense of humour, i wish all mthakazian can interact(sp) like you are doing here.GPN times million.You bring laughter to me every day.I love you guys.thank you.I arrest my case
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 10:59 PM

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years. Everytime besecansini ingamula always insisted on ukucitsha isibane. Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous. She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit. kwathi ngobunye ubusukuzukuduma , while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming, romantic session, she turned on the lights. wathayiza engutsheni ... and saw her husband was holding battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!emyama tshu njenge senglisi lakhe but Soft, wonderful and larger than his. She went completely ballistic. "You impotent bum," she screamed at him, "how could you be lying to me all of these years? You better explain yourself!" The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly: "I'll explain the toy...on condition yokuthi lawe ungitshele ukuthi abantwana ngabakabani".
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 11:42 AM

A psychiatrist was conducting a group therapy session with four young mothers and their children."you all have obsessions" he said.to the first mother he said your're obsessed with eating thats why you called your daughter Candy,to the second he said you're obsessed with money thats why you called your daughter Penny to the third he said you're obsessed with alchol thats why you called your baby Brandy.At this point the fourth mother got up,took her little boy by the hand and whispered "come on Dick lets go home".
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 11:48 AM

Soweto GPN GPN GPN!!!!!!!!


Liyayibona ke eyokucitsha isibane ukuthi isifihlela okunengi. Abantwana abaya emendweni, kabahambe lezibane, bangabanjelwa!!!

Kodwa uSibanda lendwangu yesaka lokhe engiqephuna lanamuhla!!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 11:50 AM

Novuyo.........fika kuhle lawe Build Your Own "mazakhela" ungasiqephuqephuni!!!
Posted by: filabusi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 12:30 PM

encoooooooooooooooooooooooooooo laze langibulalimbambo bakwethu <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 01:50 PM

WARNING: Message contains sexually explicit material. Nevertheless, those men who are over 18 will find it beneficial as it should help them find their partner's 3-G spot. My apologies to those who will be offended but I have thought carefully before posting and decided that cum what may.

Kuwe Mzawami <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />

Ngithi angiphendule phela incwadi yakho emnandi kangaka owangibhalela yona, hayi kubukeka sengathi sibili amaciko anjengaloyo omfana wakoCele awajayelekanga. Waphosa wayibamba phela umalume incwadi yami leyo! Lwathi alungiqede uvalo ngase ngikhumbula ukuthi phela akufundanga okungumalume ngitsho angahlala layo ubusuku bonke kuye kuyazifananela. Umuntu phela engivame ukubala laye incwadi ngumama, angazi kwenzakala njani ngayivula ngingedwa leyi.

Yeyi mzawami wangibulala-ke ngokunqantsha ngencwadi yakho, uyazi ngezwa ngisibalejelasi, phela thina uyazi sesaba yimigodi enganukwanja, mhlawumbe mina okungumfana lokho kwakuyavele kuyezilalela ebanganini bakho. Wathi usithi mzawami walala ungagqokanga iphenti ngathi uyabona-ke lapha umzawami uzangibulala ngokunqantsha!

Ngayiphindaphinda mzawami sengimanzi nte, bheka-ke ngisesikhathini
kwakuthi noma ngithi ake ngilahlise ngethuka iminwe isiphakathi kwembumbu. Ngakusasa ngase ngiqedile esikhathini sengi clean, ngayiqala
phansi incwadi mzawami hayi-ke lapho ngangithunda ngithundile, ayibekeki phansi incwadi yakho mzawami. Ngathi nje ntombi angiyiqale ngingakavuki. Angisadinwa yini yilelikhehla lakoDlamini elilungisa ucingo lothango lapha ekhaya lifika uyazi sengikhala ngedwa, lapho nje sengithunda liqoqode libuze ukuthi ngiyagula yini lisizwa ngikhala ngaphakathi. Ngethuka ngoma mzala ngoba bengingakwazi ukuthi sengikhala ngendlela yokuthi kuzwa labantu abahamba phandle, "Ungafeli endlini sikhona bo!" kwake kwathi angilifusekise, ngayenyanya. Ngazibamba ngoba ngilenhlonipho.

"Akulalutho khulu, ngiyahlabela," nginxaphe. "Ngicela ungiphe impintshisi, nkazana yami lapho endlini." Ngiphume layo kuthi angidubuke ngokuthukuthela lapho cabanga-ke lami ngiphuma ngigqoke
liyan? ipitikoti yami emnyama engiveza nginjalo sengikhohlwenya indaba yephenti. Sengibona lobolo lwekhehla lududula ibhurugwe okwebululu e***dini. Ngezwa kuwoma amathe lapho ikhehla lithe njo emilenzeni yami. Ngaboyizela kwaphela nya lokuzonda.

Sakhangelana kabili kathathu labuza, "Uwedwa yini," ngavuma ngekhanda lapho imbumbu isizidlalela yodwa ngibona into emnyama ifukuza. Angazi kwenzekalani ngabona sengilidonsa ngengalo ikhehla ngilifaka endlini, lalo alizange lilokhu libuza imibuzo eminengi njengomtshutshisi.

Ngalala phezu kombheda ngakhangela phezulu ngacimeza. Ngabuye ngakhangela, lapho seliphefumulela phezulu ikhehla labantu. Ngalinwaya ngengono yebele labhayiza okomdlwane. Ngalicela lingimunye amabele, lathi ukuxwaya, ngathatha isandla salo ngasibeka esifubeni ngalinyenyezela ukuthi ngeke likuthole lokhu nxa lingangimunyi. Latsho lalixhuma ibele emlonyeni lamunya okwencane ingane. Ngezwa kutshisa umzimba ekuseni. Kulowomzuzu ngibhizi ngiyalikhumula amasafari alo.

Kwangathi ngiyavuka ngiyalidudula ngicabanga ukuthi kukhona oqoqoda emnyango, kanti hayi zinkukhu, lazo ezazimangele ukuthi kuze kube yilesisikhathi aziphakelwa ngani. Ngiziyekele. Ngiyivule kakhulu imilenze lapho ngithi akabuke imbumbu yami, lapho wavele wakhulula ibhurukwe lesikhindi esidala esiluhlaza sebhora lezi ezazigqokwa ngoMadinda Ndlovu laboMbrithishi, ngalahlela laphana. Wemzawami ubolo olungakayana kusazathatha iminyaka ukuthi ngiphinde ngilubone.
Ngalubamba isandla sangavuma lokuhlangana ngale. Ngathi ukulushaya ibhonyaponya. Ngabona liqinisa izibunu ngaphinda ngayishaya ngamandla ibhonyaponya, lakhipha umcibitsholo wobudoda owangikhutha ngokulambisa waye wahlala ngale kombheda. Lapho-ke lathi ukuthamba, ngangazibeka-ke phansi lami sengibona ukuthi kanti ikhehla liphethe isikhali sabeNtungwa esinje.
Ngasondela ngawubamba umtoto ngaliphinda ngebhonyaponya waphinda wama wathi mpo! Kodwa ngawubona ukuthi usaqoqa amandla, ngawusondeza embunjini ngawubona uphuma imithambo, ngalicela lingifake umunwe embunjini lawufaka umunwe omkhulu, noma lalingilimaza ngenzipho ngaliyekela. Ngathi aliwunyakazise lakwenza lokho ngavele ngachama kawani, lawukhipha. Ngavele ngazicelela ukuthi lingibeke ezulwini elincane. Wangena umntomdala ngiyakutshela wena, wake wayibona inkunzi ikhwela, ngathi akavekuze ngamandla. Lapho ngazibamba izibunu ngazipetula, lapho azivuzela ngitsho lamathe ekhehleni. Ngasho ngathi libazi abeSuthu lelikhehla ngizalikhiyela ngamalebe. Lavekuza ikhehla wena okomfanyana ole 16.

Kwathi lapho lithi seliyakhathala amaginqo esegcwele intamo ngacela ukuba ngaphezulu, ngathi lingaphumi,saguqulana sengiphezu kwalo laqinisa isisu kwavela imbanjana. Ngalikhangela ngqo emehlweni libobotheka liveza insini ezingathi zibolile. Ngalibuza ukuthi kunjani, lavele labhayiza nje. Ngalibamba lapho ngezwa limemeza umkalo uMaMoyo. Ngathi dlengelele, laxolisa, ngabobotheka.

Ngalibuza ukuthi liyayazi yini idoggie style, lathi hayi. Ngasuka phezulu ngama eceleni kombhede, galidunusela, ngicabanga ukuthi konke lokho alikubonanga, imbumbu yahlala sobala okweyembuzi. Lathi ukubhayiza ukuthi lenzeni, ngalinda, ngezwa izandla ezihahabayo zingithinta ezibunu, laqala lakhutha, ngalithethisa. Layithola! lwagcwala isibeletho ubolo ngezwa okumanzana kusehla ngemilenze yami, igazi emzimbeni wami lathi tshaaa! sengathi ngizabhabhadiswa. Ngathi nxa ngithalaza kancane esibukweni sedressing table ngalibona ikhehla likokotele okwenja ikokotela umgqomo kimi. Ngalikhangela kwathi angihleke, kodwa isikhathi sensini sasingekho.

Ngezwa ukuthi ngiyaqeda manje ngakhala kakhulu kwethuka leqhude eduze komnyango. Lapho ikhehla imilenze yami seliyibambe ungathi liqhuba ibhara, ngezwa sengathi liyaphela, lagomela kwavuza amanye futhi amathe engawezwa ehla ngomhlane saye salala sobabili embhedeni sakhefuzela.
Ngamuzwa umama evulela imbuzi, ngatsho ngathi ngibanjiwe-ke namuhla, kanti uzamemeza ebuza, "WeThoko akuvukwa yini namuhla?" Ngazulazula endlini manje sengilenkinga yokuthi ngizamkhipha njani uDlamini lo ogcwele indlu yonke. Usegqokile laye. Waqoqoda umama emnyango ngathi kuye ngiyeza, ngamtshengisa uDlamini uWodrobhu ngamehlo, wangena okwengane encane idlala acatshelana. Ngamuzwa umama sehamba ethetha, ngatshela uDlamini ukuthi aphume waphuma ngamdonsa ngendlebe ukuthi ananzelele emnyango nxa ephuma. Wavuma, wathi ntshobe, ngahleka ngedwa. Hayi mzala mhlawumbe lalinginathele umvusankunzi lelikhehla, ngoba ngathi ngiyaphuma ngezwa kubuhlungu emilenzeni yami. Shuwa lesisalukazi sakwakhe ngizasiphuca yena. Hayi-ke mzawami angivalelise, ngilale phela kungasa ngibhala uyangazi lawe. Utshele uAnti ukuthi leyaninto angiyitholanga. Ubofona phela isilulungile ifoni yesitolo.

Yimi umzawakho <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 02:23 PM

Leyo yi phono mfowethu, akula ngeny indlela. Eish dade Mabila, ngangaba lawe kumele bangi fake imbambo zensimbi ukuze ngenelise, ngoba lezi imbambo zingavuthuka ngoku hlephuka. gpn gpn hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: nobhutshuzwayo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 02:43 PM

Laughing Baby

A baby boy was just born. He had all his pieces and looked quite normal, except that he was laughing,... laughing real hard.

All the doctors and nurses were examining the little guy, in front of his worried parents. But he kept on laughing. His tiny fists all closed and tears rolling from his eyes.

Finally, a pediatrician unfolded his tiny fingers to check if his hand was all right, and... guess what he found?

The birth control pill!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 03:00 PM

A waitress walks up to one of her tables in a City restaurant in Nyoyokhu and notices that the three Japanese businessmen seated there are furiously masturbating.

She yells, "What the hell do you guys think you are doing?"

One of the Japanese men explains, "Can't you see? We are all velly velly hungry."

The waitress asks, "So, how is whacking-off in the middle of the restaurant going to help that situation?"

One of the other Japanese men replies,

"The menu say, First Come, First Served!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 03:28 PM

Akelithele amanzi bantu wooooooooooooooH!! Satsha! Hlathi!! Hayi Boh!!
<img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />


Le selake layizwa?

Kuthiwa a fire broke out in a brothel...."some came out running and some ran out coming!!"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 06:01 PM

Three men go into a motel to book a room.The man manning the front office tells them its R30 for the night.So each man pays R10 each and they go up to the room.A while later the man at the front office realises he made a mistake the room is R25 not R30.

So he sends the bellboy to the guys room with R5 and a small note.On the way the bellboy cant figure how he will split the R5 equally to all three of them.So he decides to keep R2 and give each of the 3 men R1 each.

This means that each men paid R9 (R10-R1=R9) for the room.Which is a total R27 (R9x3=R27), add the R2 the bellboy kept it adds up to R29 (R27+R2=R29).

Where is the missing rand?

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 07:42 PM

Dabukamhlaba
Ntombenhle
Zwangendaba
Novuyo
Ndebele phaqa
Nobhutshuzwayo
Dokotela
Hlathi
Soweto
Mabila (incwadi yokukhombisa)
Bhudaza (incwadi yomzawakho)

This is to formerly let you know that you have been nominated for this year's Amusement Awards for being the best entertainers of the year.

You will be informed individually

1) the date and time

2) venue

3) the prizes

Otherwise you are all 'blind' and have a chance, keep it up, and don't be tired even tomorrow.


After a dinner hosted by the Queen for General Fieldmarshall Idi Amin, the guest (Amin) stood up to thank the Queen: "Mr Queen sir, I fall short of words but I can only say I'm fed up and when you come to Uganda I am definately going to revenge"........gpn.....gpn.....gpn. <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/11/04 08:32 PM

Lovemore Zvese

A man was walking through Chinatown when he noticed a sign reading: "lovemore zvese?s Chinese Laundry." Being of a curious nature, he entered and was greeted by an old Oriental man who identified himself as Lovemore zvese.
"How come you have a name like that?" inquired the stranger.
"Is simple," says the old Oriental man.
"Many, many year ago when come to this country, stand in immigration line behind a big Aflikan guy. Immigration lady look at him and go, "What your name?"
He say, "Lovemore Zvese"
Then she look at me and go, ?What your name??"
"I say, Sam Ting."
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 02:10 AM

Bafowethu.

Mina I nominate u Kwazi Mina for an award.

The following is true. I was trying to print my flopy disk written in SiNdebele on an American computer and all the words were underlined in RED to indicate wrong spellings. So I decided to check if the PC had a Ndebele or Zulu dictionary. It did not have but next to each word I highlighted, the following were suggested correct alternatives to the SiNdebele words:
KADE - Kate / Keyed / Lade. THATHA - Thither / thatch - that. ISANDLA - sandal. LIYEZA - lies / lives. NTA - note. AMAJAHA - Jihad??? NGAPHANDLE - manhandle. UTHANGO - nothing. KODWA - alqaeda.

This could make a fascinating language.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 02:53 AM

Lapha sekufuneka ama breki bantu abAnye bazagula qiniso!
Amajaha=Jigad,
uthango=nothing,
kodwa=alqueda hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Isilingu siyisitshupeti,
Umfazi=unfair hk hk hk hk hk


A HUSBAND IS AT HOME WATCHING A FOOTBALL GAME WHEN HIS WIFE INTERRUPTS:
"HONEY, COULD YOU FIX THE LIGHT IN THE
HALLWAY? IT'S BEEN FLICKERING FOR WEEKS NOW." HE
LOOKS AT HER AND SAYS ANGRILY. "FIX THE LIGHT? NOW? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE A G.E. LOGO PRINTED ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"WELL THEN, COULD YOU FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? IT WON'T CLOSE RIGHT." TO WHICH HE REPLIED- "FIX THE FRIDGE DOOR? DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE DEFY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO."

"FINE," SHE SAYS "THEN YOU COULD AT LEAST FIX THE
STEPS TO THE FRONT DOOR? THEY'RE ABOUT TO BREAK."
"I'M NOT A DARN CARPENTER AND I DON'T WANT TO FIX THE STEPS,"HE SAYS. "DOES IT LOOK LIKE I HAVE FEDS DIY (DO IT YOURSELF)WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD? I DON'T THINK SO. I'VE HAD
ENOUGH OF YOU. I'M GOING TO THE BAR!!!"

SO HE GOES TO THE BAR AND DRINKS FOR A COUPLE HOURS.HE STARTS TO FEEL GUILTY ABOUT HOW HE TREATED HIS WIFE, AND DECIDES TO GO HOME AND HELP OUT. AS HE WALKS INTO THE HOUSE HE NOTICES THE STEPS ARE ALREADY FIXED. AS HE ENTERS THE HOUSE, HE SEES THE HALL LIGHT IS WORKING. AS HE GOES TO GET A BEER, HE NOTICES THE FRIDGE DOOR IS FIXED.

"HONEY, HOW' DID ALL THIS GET FIXED?"
SHE SAID, "WELL, WHEN YOU LEFT I SAT OUTSIDE AND
CRIED. JUST THEN A NICE YOUNG MAN ASKED ME WHAT WAS WRONG, AND I TOLD HIM. HE OFFERED TO DO ALL THE REPAIRS, AND ALL I HAD TO DO WAS EITHER GO TO BED WITH HIM OR BAKE A CAKE." HE SAID, "SO WHAT KIND OF CAKE DID YOU BAKE HIM?"

SHE REPLIED, "HELLOOOOO........ DO
YOU SEE ALBANY'S BAKERY WRITTEN ON MY FOREHEAD?"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 07:15 AM

A man had a problem, there was a red ring around his dick. He was really worried so he went to the doctor.

The doctor took a good look at it and then after awhile of uming and ering, he said "Well apply this on it and then come and see me in a few days."

The man was a bit relieved but was still worried about what would happen to his pride and joy. So that night before bed he applied the cream.

Sure enough by the morning the ring had disappeared. He was so happy he went straight to the doctors to tell him the good news.

He showed the doctor the ring was gone and the doctor was pleased.

The man asked him what the cream was.

The doctor replied, "Just lipstick remover."
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 07:24 AM

The first time I went to a drug store to buy condoms, I was waited on by a beautiful young woman. She asked what size I wanted and I said I wasn't sure. So she asked now big I was and I said, "Compared to what?"

She held up one finger and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that."

Then she held up two fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm bigger than that."

Then she held up three fingers and asked if I was that big. I said, "I'm about that big."

She put the three fingers in her mouth and said, "You're a medium."
Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 07:34 AM

I nominate myself for the most prestigious award of being an avid reader of all your gorgeous and mbambo breaking jokes.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 08:31 AM

<img src="http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/perp.jpg" alt=" - " />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
<img src="http://www.crazy-jokes.com/pictures/ladycop.jpg" alt=" - " />

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Nobesuthu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 09:01 AM

Hayi Dade Mabili unzima usikhumbuza emuva sizithola sisekolweni <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 09:18 AM

The list of nominees would be incomplete with out adding Kwazi Mina.If they are already enough nominees and he cannot fit in, I withdraw from the list and he can take my place as one of the nominees.

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 09:45 AM

Hayi Booooooooooooooooo laze langibulala bakithi!!
Sibili sibili lingenzani!!!!!!!
Mthwakazi please dont nominate me alongside kwazi, mabila, doc and company i am a adent reader of all your funnies guys so i will battle it out with Sibambamahawu on Best Reader Award.indondo yami ayikho creative njengezenu lina bantu abahle abalethuku bobotheka kimi.Keep up the good work guys.Thank you all
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 10:22 PM

Ngiyabonga Kwazi ngokungi nominetha kumi klomelo yezamahlaya. Ngithanda ukubonga ngendlela elohlonipha okukhulu kithi sonke esifake imahlaya, kumbe imibhalo kulesi sigungu. Okokucina ngibonga izicukuthwane zalu mkhandlu ngokwenza lumuzi ebulenjini ukuze sifinyelele ubunandi obungaka.
{amagama ajulileyo ngiwathethe emibhalweni ka Mto}

-----------------------------------

A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, "How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?"

The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, "Tell you what - why don?t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you?ve got something really big and hard down there, and they?ll want you."

So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can?t understand what?s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, "What am I doing wrong? You said they?d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!"

Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, "You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 11:05 AM

Ngiyabonga Kwazi ngokungi nominetha kumi klomelo yezamahlaya. Ngithanda ukubonga ngendlela elohlonipha okukhulu kithi sonke esifake imahlaya, kumbe imibhalo kulesi sigungu. Okokucina ngibonga izicukuthwane zalu mkhandlu ngokwenza lumuzi ebulenjini ukuze sifinyelele ubunandi obungaka.
{amagama ajulileyo ngiwathethe emibhalweni ka Mto}

-----------------------------------

A textbook nerd is at the beach one day, baring his chest and showing off his pale, shrunken chest, and of course all the girls are laughing at him and drooling over the weight-lifting hunks. So in desperation the kid goes to the lifeguard and asks, "How can I do something to get these girls interested in me? What can I do to show off?"

The lifeguard takes pity on this poor guy, with his puny muscles and baggy trunks and lanky hair, and finally he says, "Tell you what - why don?t you take a potato and stick it down your swim trunks. That way the girls will think you?ve got something really big and hard down there, and they?ll want you."

So the nerd decides to give it a try. He struts around the beach with a potato in his shorts, and all the girls give him weird, disgusting looks and tell him to get the hell out of there. The nerd can?t understand what?s going on, so he goes back to the lifeguard and asks, "What am I doing wrong? You said they?d like me if I put a potato in my shorts!"

Without even batting an eye, the lifeguard says, "You gotta put the potato in the FRONT, kid!"
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 05:15 PM

The Smiths had tried for years to have a child, and not
having had any luck, they decided to use a proxy father to start their
family.
On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife
and said, "I'm off. The man should be here soon".
Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby
photographer rang the door, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning
madam. You don't know me but I've come to ......"
"Oh, no need to explain, I have been expecting you" Mrs Smith cut in.
Really?" The photographer asked. "Well, good! I've, made a specialty
of babies".
"That's what my husband and I had hoped? Please come in
and have a seat. Just where do we start?" asked Mrs Smith blushing.
Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on
the couch and perhaps a couple on the bed. Sometimes the living room
floor is fun too; you can really spread out".
Bathtub?? Living room floor?? No wonder it didn't work
for Harry and me".
"Well, Madam, none of us can guarantee a good one every
time. But if we try several different positions, and if I shoot from
six or
seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results".
"I hope we can get this over with quickly," gasped Mrs Smith.
"Madam, in my line of work, a man must take his time.
I'd love to be in and out in five minutes, but you'd be disappointed
with that, I'm sure".
"Don't I know!", Mrs Smith exclaimed. The photographer opened his
briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was
done on the top of a bus in downtown London".
"Oh my God", Mrs. Smith exclaimed, tugging at her
handkerchief.
"And these twins turned out exceptionally well when you
consider their mother was so difficult to work with." The photographer
handed
Mrs. Smith the picture.
"She was difficult?" asked Mrs Smith.
"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to Hyde Park to get
the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep,
pushing to get a good look."
"Four and five deep?" asked Mrs. Smith, eyes widened in
amazement.
"Yes", the photographer said. "And for more than three hours, too.
The mother was constantly squealing and yelling. I could hardly
concentrate. Then darkness approached and I began to rush my shots.
Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just
packed it all in".
Mrs Smith leaned forward? "You mean they actually chewed
on your, uh..equipment?".
"That's right. Well, Madam, if you're ready, I'll set
up my tripod so that we can get to work."
"Tripod?" Mrs Smith looked extremely worried now.
"Oh yes, I have to use a tripod to rest my Canon on.
It's much too big for me to hold while I'm getting ready for action.
Madam? Madam?
.. Good Lord, she's fainted".
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 05:32 PM

hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> awu bantu gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
A young Italian had stayed at the YMCA hotel in London. He wasn't satisfied with his stay, and sent this complaint to the manager:

Dear Signore Direttore,

Now I am telling you story how I was treated at your hotella. I am a-comma from Roma as tourist to London and stay as a young christian man at your hotella. When I comma to my room I see there is no sheet on my bed.

So I calla down to receptione and tella: " I wanta sheet." They tella me: "You go to toilet." "No, no you don't understanda me. I wanta sheet in my bed! " "You better not shit in your bed, you son of a bitch! "

What is sonna-wa-beach? I ago downe for breakfast in ristorante. I order egg and bacon and two pieces of toast. I getta only one piece of toast.

I tella waitress and point at toast: "I wanta piece! "
She tella me: " You go to the toilet. "
"No, no I wanta piece on my plate! "
"You bloody well not piss on the plate! You go to the toilet!"

Why is your staff always saying "Go to toilet?" Is that a modern British tella? You know, I am 23 years old and I know for myself when I wanta go to toilet.

Then in the evening I ago downe to ristorante for dinner. Spoon and knife is laid out on the table. But no fork.

I tella waitress: "I wanta fork!"
And she tella me: " Sure, everybody wanta fuck."
"No, no you don't understand me. I wanta fork on the table."
"So you want to fuck on this table? Get your pass out of here! "

How comma this christian hotella tella the guests in such a bad manner?

So I go down to receptione and ask for bill. I no wanta stay in this hotella no morro.

When I have a-paid the a-billa the portier say to me: "Thank you, and peace on you." I say: "Piss on you too, you sonna-wa-beach, I now go back to Italy."

Direttore, I never gonna stay in your hotella no morro, you sonna-wa-beach.

Sincerely
Brampiano,
Rome
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 05:36 PM

WOMEN'S ENGLISH
Maybe = No
I'm sorry = You'll be sorry
We need = I want
Do what you want = You'll pay for this later
We need to talk = I need to complain
Sure...go ahead = I don't want you to
I'm not upset = Of course I'm upset, you moron!
You're ... so manly = You need a shave and you sweat a lot
You're certainly attentive tonight = Is sex all you ever think about??
Do you love me? = I'm going to ask for something expensive
How much do you love me? = I did something today that you're really not going to like
Is my butt fat? = Tell me I'm beautiful
You have to learn to communicate = Just agree with me
You are stupid= I love you very much
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 05:37 PM

MEN'S ENGLISH:

I'm hungry = I'm hungry
I'm sleepy = I'm sleepy
I'm tired = I'm tired
Do you want to go to a movie? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I take you out to dinner? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
Can I call you sometime? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
May I have this dance? = I'd eventually like to have sex with you
What's wrong? = I guess sex tonight is out of the question
I'm bored = Do you want to have sex?
I love you = Let's have sex now
Let's talk = I am trying to impress you by showing that I am a deep person and maybe then you'd like to have sex with me
Will you marry me? = I want to make it illegal for you to have sex with other guys
I don't think that blouse and that skirt go well together = I am gay
<img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 09:05 PM

After his escape from Chikurubi Prison, Chidhumo finds a group of rural women at a club meeting and his weapon (dick) tells him he must have it but how?

He orders all the frightened women to remove their panties and get into doggie style position so he can give them a shot each from behind.

So he gets started and when he approaches an elderly widow her daughter-in-law feels sorry for her and pleads with the rapist; "Instead of raping the helpless old lady I volunteer that you rape me twice".

The old lady got up at once from her bending postion and pointed a finger at her daughter-in-law saying:
"Usel'eceleni wena mntwanyana, ha!umuntu wenkosi uzikhulumele kuhle wathi one-one wena usufuna ukuthola two abanye bengakatholi hah
akelimbone!!!" <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 11:10 PM

A young couple is sunbathing in the nude when a crazy bee decides to ingrss into the young delectable lady's pubic orifice. The young lady screams to her partner for help in extracting the fluttering bee before her quivering muscles could crush it resulting in it stinging her.

The young man is lost for words and action. He finally decides to take his loved one to a GP. On arrival the GP tries all tricks but the bee burrows deeper and the young lady squirms more with a mixture of pleasure and anxiety.

Finally the GP in exasperation says to the young man,

GP:I will need your permission to use an unorthodox method to coax the bee out.

Young Man: What would that be?

GP: As you are aware bees love honey..

YM: Yeah yeah who doesn't know that? And what is so unorthodox about that?

GP: I shall rub a bit of it to the tip of my todger and insert it into your partner, and then withdraw thus drawing the bee out.

There is an earsplitting scream and a lot of shuddering by the woman as the bee flutters and buzzes deep within her.

YM (impatiently): Well, get on with it then, and be quick with it.

The GP inserts his hardened todger into the already moist woman, who moans (with pleasure?) and rolls her beady eyes heavenwards. The GP then withdraws slowly drawing a gasp and sigh from the young lady.

YM (with grateful anticipation tingeing his voice): Well did you find it?

GP: No, no, no, I missed it.

YM (impatiently and with authority): Well, then what are you waiting for? You think it will come out of its own accord? Go back in there and this time don't come out unless you bring it out with you! Ok!

GP: Alright then if you insist!

The GP dips in and out slowly at first and then picks up tempo and the young woman writhes and moans with pleasure. The young man suddenly panics thinking maybe his partner has been stung.

YM(shouting): Faster, faster you moron, can't you see she is dying?

The GP obliges but he is overtaken by sensations of pleasure which the young man suddenly recognises for what they are but it is too late to prevent the inevitable. The GP suddenly arches in ecstasy and spurts his fluid deep inside the young woman who in turn shudders with a loud sigh of pleasurable joy.

YM (frantically): Stop! Stop! That was not part of the deal. I will sue the skin off your bones.

GP (panting and sighing with blissful exhaustion): Well, the bee was getting too restless in there, so I decided to drown it before it stung your mmmm.. beautiful wife, seeing also that it was refusing to take the bait of honey, and by the way that will be fi..fif..fifty pounds, payable today before you leave. Good day, come again soon.

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" /> .
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/12/04 11:17 PM

S'phepheli

gpn.....gpn......gpn..... <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 07:10 AM

woza nini lazo mthwakazi <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 09:47 AM

gpn gpn gpn gpn
hayi madoda mina i do not deserve ukuba ku rank yabo Mabili, Zwange, Doc labo Kwazi Mina. Mina kufanele ngingene ku rating yabahleka kakhulu.

kini lonke <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> liyangibulala ngembambo
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 09:55 AM

Newly issued alcohol warnings
The Mthwakazi Health Board has proposed that warning signs be placed on all alcohol bottles to tip off drinkers about the possible peril of drinking a pint or two of any alcoholic beverage.

1. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to wake up with a breath could allow a skunk to hide in the house undetected.

2. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is a major factor in dancing like an idiot.

3. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the same boring story over and over again until your friends want to assault you

4. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to thay shings like thish.

5. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may cause you to tell the boss what you really think of him.

6. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol is the leading cause of inexplicable pink lipstic on your shirt and forehead.

7. WARNING: Consumption of alcohol may create the illusion that you are tougher, handsomer and smarter than some really, really big guy named Psycho Bob.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 10:05 PM

Kulendoda eyangena ebhasini idakiwe, inuka utshwala ilengise lecalabash,ilama lipstick emzimbeni, yafika yahlala eceleni kukamfundisi.

Indoda leyo yaqala ukubala inewspaper.yase isukela umfundisi yathi "kuyini okwenza iliver cirrosis"
umfundisi wathi "yikudakwa kakhulu,ukungazinanzi, ukulala lezifebe lokunganaki abanye"
hayi ke yazithulela yaqhubeka ngephepha.umfundisi wasezisola ngempendulo yakhe wayixolisa indoda leyo wasesithi, "yindaba ubuzile mfowethu"

yathi indoda "Yikuthi ngibone kuthiwa u Pope John Paul ubulawa yi liver cirrosis ephepheni".
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 11:41 AM

hayi manje l cant compete <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> you guys are bad
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 12:08 PM

kulomfundisi owayegagasa, so basebemtshinsthela kwenyi church entsha lapha okulabantu abangamaziyo khona. The first sunday yakhe kuli church waqala umuntu wenkosi nge ntshumayelo yakhe wathi


uje je je su uyinja
ngi ngi ngi thi ujesu uyi uyi uyi nja

abantu baqala ukusukuma one one bephuma enkonzweni
waphinda njalo umfundisi wathi ngi ngi ngi ngi thi ujesu uyi n n n n ja
basukuma njalo abanye abantu baphuma,
uthe esesele yedwa wabeqedisa akade efuna ukukutsho wathi uyinjabulo yethu sonke
esontweni kungasela muntu
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 12:57 PM

Phenduka Novuyo.......don't arrest your case pliz. Come back Build Your Own
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 02:24 PM

The little sexy housewife was built so well the TV repairman couldn't keep his eyes off of her. Every time she came in the room, he'd near about jerk his neck right out of joint looking at her.

When he'd finished she paid him and said, "I'm going to make a . . .well . . . unusual request. But you have to first promise me you'll keep it a secret."

The repairman quickly agreed and she went on. "Well, it's kind of embarrassing to talk about, but while my husband is a kind, decent man-- sigh -- he has a certain physical weakness. A certain disability. Now, I'm a woman and you're a man . . . "

The repairman could hardly speak, "Yes; yes!"

"And since I've been wanting to ask you ever since you came in the door..."

"Yes; yes!" The repairman gasped

"Would you help me move the refrigerator?" the woman asked.

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/13/04 07:40 PM

Laye uNovuyo lo osefuna ukubaleka unjengani lonke elithanda i-column le. Yena manje uphambili yikuthi usalifikisa lizamuzwa.

Liyayazi i-hashish
le-ganja
le-Indian hemp
le-Malawian gold
le-marijuana
le-spiff
Amatonga bayihotsha intuthu yakhona ixhwatha emanzini bathi yi-ndombondayi.

I'm sure lina elifundileyo lithi "it is the wisdom herb that grew on Solomon's grave"

Now all your wisdom is written on these pages....gpn...gpn...gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/14/04 08:34 AM

What causes death
>Slightly away from reformation. Very interesting.
> > >> >There was this case in Parirenyatwa Hospital Intensive Care ward where patients always died in the same bed and on Sunday morning at 11a.m.,regardless of their medical condition.
> >> >This puzzled the doctors and some even thought that it had something to do with the supernatural no one could solve the mystery..... as to Why the death at 11AM? So a world-wide expert team was constituted and they decide to go down to the ward to investigate the cause of the incidents.
> > >> >So on the next Sunday morning few minutes before 11 a.m., all doctors and nurses nervously wait outside the ward to see for themselves what the terrible phenomenon was all about. Some were holding wooden crosses, prayer, books and their objects to ward off the evil........
> >> >Just when the clock struck 11......
> >> >Scroll down for what happened...
> > >>keep scrolling
> >> >keep scrolling
> >> >keep scrolling
> >> >Murandambira Gushungo , the part-time Sunday sweeper, entered the ward and unplugged the life support system so that he could use the socket for the vacuum cleaner.
> >> >If you think education is expensive try ignorance
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/14/04 10:52 PM

Spirit of friendship


women:
A wife was not at home for the whole night. So she tells her husband, the very next morning, that she stayed at her friend's apartment over night. So the husband calls 10 of her best girlfriends and none of them confirms that.

men:
A husband was not at home for the whole night. So he tells his wife the very next morning, that he stayed at his friend's apartment over night.
So the wife calls 10 of his best friends and 5 of them confirm that he stayed at their apartments that night and another 5 are claiming that he is still with them.
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/14/04 11:59 AM

A VERY GOOD EXAMPLE OF MISCOMMUNICATION!
A young husband comes home one night, and his wife throws
her arms around his neck: "Darling, I have great news:
" I'm a month overdue. I think we're going to have a baby!
The doctor gave me a test today, but until we find out for
sure, we can't tell anybody."
The next day, a guy from the electric company rings the door-bell, because the young couple hasn't paid their last bill:

"Are you Mrs. Jansen? You're a month overdue, you know!"

"How do YOU know?" stammers the young woman.
"Well, ma'am, ! it's in our files!" says the man from the electric company.

"What are you saying? It's Absolutely."
"Well, let me talk to my husband about this tonight."

That night, she tells her husband about the visit, and he, mad as a bull <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> , rushes to the electric company offices the first thing the next morning.

"What's going on here? You have it on file that my wife is a month overdue? What business is that of yours?" the husband shouts.

"Just calm down," says the clerk, "it's nothing serious. All you have to do is pay us."
"PAY you? and if I refuse?"

"Well, in that case, sir, we'd have no option but to cut yours off."

"And what would my wife do then?" the husband asks.
"! I don't know. I guess she'd have to use a candle." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: novuyo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/14/04 12:02 PM

A newlywed couple returned to their apartment after being on their honeymoon.

"Care to go upstairs and do it?" the husband asked.

"Shh!" said the bride "All the neighbors will know what we're about to do. These walls are paper thin. In the future, we'll have to ask each other in code. For example, how about asking, 'Have you left the washing machine door open' instead?"

So, the following night, the husband asks, "I don't suppose you left the washing machine door open, did you?" <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />

"No, I definitely shut it," replied the wife who rolled over and fell asleep.

When she woke up however, she was feeling a little frisky herself and she nudged her husband and said, "I think I did leave the washing machine door open after all. Would you like to do some washing?"

"No, thanks," said the husband. "It was only a small load so I did it by hand." <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/14/04 07:54 PM

It is said a certain man was once sentenced by a judge in the following way:

"For stealing that lady?s purse I sentence you to twelve months with hard labour." There was a howl of protest from the accused.
"Silince!" barked the judge. "If you think that is not fair, then I sentence you to only one year in prison with hard labour!"

"That is much better," replied the accused. obviously feeling much better now...
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 05:59 AM

A couple from Minneapolis decided to go to Florida for a long deseved weekend rest. To make it special they decided to go back to the same hotel they stayed in for their honeymoon 20years ago.

Due to demanding work schedules they could not both leave at the same time, so the man flew out earlier, on a Thursday with the wife flying out on the next day.

The man checked into the hotel and suffice to say the hotel had been refurbished to modern day opulence. One of the major new fangled contraptions to be fitted in the rooms was a computer on which e-mails could be sent and guests could surf the net.

The man quickly sat down and typed out an e-mail to the wife. In his excitement he left out one letter in his wife's e-address but as you might well know the computer sent it as it was, mistake and all.

Meanwhile in Houston a recently bereaved widow had just got back home from burying her loved one. The widow checked her e-mail from habit and upon reading the first message, she fell down in a faint. Her loving son quickly rushed to her side and upon looking up at the computer screen, this is what he read:

To my beloved wife,

Subject: I've arrived.

I know you will be surprised to hear from me so soon. They have computers here now and you are allowed to send e-mail to your loved ones, kith and kin. I have just checked in. I see that everything has been prepared for your arrival tomorrow. Cannot wait for you to get here. Miss you already. Looking forward to seeing you then..I will be waiting by the newly installed wrought iron gates as you arrive. Hope your journey will be as uneventful as mine because there will be a lot surprises awaitng you this side.

P.S. It sure is hot down here.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 10:40 PM

Once a man came back early from his office. He was shocked to see his wife with another man - Robert.

He told his wife to go out of the room. Then he said to Robert, "what are you doing here?" Robert replied "I love your wife & she loves me too." To this the man said "I know that my wife loves me & not you." After a long conversation they decided "we'll hold our guns & fire at each other & pretend to be dead.

She will mourn for the guy she loves the most & the other person will get out of their lives."
The wife heard the gunshots, she came into the room, shocked and surprised, stood staring at both the dead bodies. Suddenly she started laughing out loudly, rejoicing and shouted "Peter!, Come Out Of The Wardrobe, Both FOOLS Are Now DEAD."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 11:29 AM

Female hormones in beer
Yesterday, scientists in the Mthwakazi revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.

To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 11:36 AM

Top ten signs that you are too drunk


10. You have to hold onto the lawn to keep from falling off the Earth.

9. Mosquitoes catch a buzz after attacking you.

8. The back of your head keeps getting hit by the toilet seat.

7. Your idea of cutting back is less salt.

6. You can focus better with one eye closed.

5. You fall off the floor.

5. The whole bar greets you when you come in.

4. You haven't had a driver's license in such a long time that you have forgotten what one looks like.

3. Roseanne looks good.

2. You don't recognize your wife/husband unless seen through bottom of glass.

1. You spent more time on the floor than you do standing up.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 02:51 PM

One evening a family brings their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and leave her, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden. She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair.

Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up. Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright. This goes on all morning.

Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.

They ask,"So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?"

"It's pretty nice," she replies. "Except they won't let you fart."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 06:01 PM

Novuyo don't go anywhere coz u rock Sirumula's boat..u rock my boat.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/15/04 10:28 PM

siru uya apply njengo Rowa!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/16/04 01:12 PM

A man walks up to a woman in his office each day, stands very close to her, draws in a large breath of air and tells her that her hair smells nice.

After a week of this, she can't stand it any longer, and goes to her Supervisor to file a Sexual Harrassment complaint. She tells
the supervisor what the co-worker does, and that she wants to file a sexual harassment suit against him.

The supervisor is puzzled by this approach, and asks, "What's sexually threatening about a co-worker telling you your hair smells nice"?


The woman replies, "It's Keith, the dwarf."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/16/04 01:14 PM

gpn gpn gpn so kwakuzinwele zangale endaweni........mmm i wish i was a dwarf.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/16/04 01:17 PM

The Small House - An International Phenomenon


Maria a beautiful Latina fell in love with Jose. She planned to marry very soon. She was so happy about her wedding plans, she decided to tell her papa. Papa told her, "Maria, you'll have to find another. Your Mother
does not know this, but Jose is your half-brother".

So Maria forgot about her Jose, and soon planned to marry Ricardo. But after telling papa again, he said, "Maria there's trouble still. You cannot marry Ricardo, my darling. Please don't tell your mother, but Ricardo
and Jose are your half-brothers."

Maria had no choice but to go to her mama. Mama already knew and said "My darling, do what makes you happy. Marry Ricardo or marry Jose, because you are not related to Papa."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/16/04 01:25 PM

Crazy people talk
A doctor of psychology was doing his normal morning rounds when he entered a patient's room. He found Dube sitting on the floor, pretending to saw a piece of wood in half.

Sibanda was hanging from the ceiling, by his feet.

The doctor asked Dube what he was doing. Dube replied, "Can't you see I'm sawing this piece of wood in half?" The doctor inquired of Dube what Sibanda was doing. Dube replied, "Oh. He's my friend, but he's a little crazy. He thinks he's a lightbulb." The doctor looks up and notices Sibanda's face is going all red.

The doctor asks Dube, "If he's your friend, you should get him down from there before he hurts himself"
Dube replies angrily, "What? And work in the dark?"
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/17/04 05:50 AM

Mrs Chikowore gets on Kukura Kurerwa bus with her baby Enos. The bus driver says:
Thats the ugliest baby I've ever seen.
"Mrs Chikowore goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. Shes says to Khumalo sitting next to her: "That driver just insulted me!
"Khumalo says: You go right up there and tell him off-go ahead, i will hold your gorilla for you."
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/17/04 06:09 AM

Chikowore and Shuvai Mahofa had nothing to do one evening after attending a parliament session. So they decided to go make some extra money and entered an ugly contest downtown, Harare. Upon arrival, the judges shouted "STRICTLY NO PROFESSIONALS".
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/17/04 01:04 PM

Mkhankaso hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Kuthiwa ngesikhathi esengu Minister ehleli lonina ngesikhathi sezindaba, esinina bathi sezwakala ngesakibo sisithi "Haaa mtanami, loba nje bekubabaza;lo yena uphambili". Wadana kakhulu umtwana ngoba kwi-television lapho kwakukhuluma yena u Sikowole GPN!
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/17/04 06:39 PM

Mkhankaso uze lazo lamuhla, kazihle ziphele zonke ezakhe uSikowole.

Kuthiwa wathi ezicambalalele eduze kwe-swimming pool eFolosi ama-Zambians ayezedlulela akhangelana athi, "Shame, this one has already been de-horned" (a rhino) <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 02:28 AM

Bafowethu.

Kuthiwa wathi engena e PARARANYATA Hospital ephelekezela umzukulu wakhe abe EMERGENCY batshaya amabhera bamdumela bamlalisa ku Stretcher Bed. Uthe bengena laye u Dokotela weqa wathi, "What on earth, kanti lo yena utshaywe ngubani???"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 02:32 AM

Kusiphi isibhedlela Zwangs GPN GPN <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 02:44 AM

Bafowethu.

GPN GPN GPN.

Manje uMze yena wahlangabeza u President we Nigeria u Bhabhangida ehamba lomkakhe lomntwana.

Bathe bephutsha icansi elibomvu, u Mze wathi kuma Ministers lama Ambassadors, "Lo nguye u Baba Nghida. Loya ngu Mama Nghida. Lokhu khona yikho oku Nghida kwakhona."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 02:50 AM

Hk hk hk hk hk GPN!

Olu Rambo(May His Soul Rest in Peace bantu) lungu Captain we Bosoo idlala some Cup game le Caps eBF; introducing the team membersto Zifa Officials, kuthiwa lwathi

" Eeeh this was Madinda ndlovu, this was Netsai Moyo, this was Peter Nkomo, this was Rahman Gumbo and this was me Rambo!"
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 03:26 AM

Umgaxa kuthiwa kasalali lo cheri wakhe uGire ngoba everytime nxa evula amathangazi akhe ubona <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> ubuso buka Tony Blair.
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 03:35 AM

Eyi-Chikowore kuthiwa iqeda ukunatha ipetrol ye NICOZM yavakatshela u-psychiatrist wayitshela ukuba isiyahlanya. So ibisithi ngicela isecond opinion phela mnunzana. u-psychiatrist ebesithi futhi umubi okukabhejana <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" /> bemkhuphe uphondo.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 07:04 AM

eyichikore yayinxusiwe ukuba yi vip ekuvulweni kwedamu emaswingo ithe iqeda ukusika intanjana leyana esikwayo ngesigelo nxa kuvulwa izakhiwo and so on, kwathiwa kube nguye oqala ukukhangela emanzini edamu lelo njengomhlonitshwa, yabe isondela inkalakatha yakhangela edamu bayibona ibobotheka yodwa bayibuza ukuthi yindaba, yabe isithi ngesitshabi, lina abantu bemaswingo ngilithandela khonokho ukuthi likhaliphile njalo you are very fast, selilemvubu masinyane so idamu livulwe namuhla, yona kuyiyo eyayizibona emanzini ibona angani yimvubu
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 09:32 AM

mkhankaso woza lazo bra wami <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> hk..hk..hk..

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 11:38 AM

U Mkhankaso kaka fakwe amabreki.yana ngokwakhe angikholwa ukuti uzazifaka hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />


WASU

JUDGE : Wasu, do you swear to tell this court the truth to the best of your
knowledge?

WASU: I do

JUDGE: You are being charged on possession of apparatus to brew an illicit brand of alcohol/kachasu, do you agree?


WASU : I agree with you!


JUDGE : Thank you for not wasting our time Wasu, and as such the court is
going to charge you on that instantly.


WASU : How can I be charged Your worship for possesion only. I was not found brewing the Kachasu.........

JUDGE : No ways!, possession of the apparatus alone is a crime hence you
are going to be charged!


WASU : If that is the case Judge why then are you not proceeding to charge me with rape also?

JUDGE: (perplexed) Did you also rape someone?


WASU : No Judge I did not rape anyone but I have the apparatus to commit the crime.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 11:49 AM

Mini-cooper

This guy went to work without realising he did
not zip his trousers. His secretary noticed and said to him "You did not close the garage."

The guy did not understand so he went to call his wife and asked if the garage door was closed.His wife said "of course honey, the garage door is closed."

The guy went to his secretary and told her that his wife said the garage door was closed. The lady realised that he did not understand her. So she moved a little closer and said, "I mean you did Not zip your trousers"

The guy went to his office and zipped his trousers. When he came back he said to his secretary: "When the garage was open, did you see my Mercedes Benz?"

The lady said, "No, only a Mini-Cooper with two flat tyres"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 08:52 PM

gpn gpn gpn...abanye sizaba ban ngoba liyasibulalisa ngembambo.


Lisayikhumbula ingoma le;
umfazi ngowami ngavela laye khatshana
ngimthwele ngebhayisikili,
ngingabulal'umuntu.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 08:54 PM

Someone stole things from me
Ncube phoned police to report that thieves had been in his car. "They've stolen the dashboard, the steering wheel, the brake pedal, the radio, and even the accelerator," he cried out.

However, before the police investigation could start, the phone rang a second time and the same voice came over the line. "Never mind," he said with a hiccup, "I got in the back seat by mistake."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/18/04 10:47 PM

Sicela u fone in ku radio Mthwakazi shuwa Dabuka usihlabele ingoma yakho hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Futhi ngibona yileliyana elilama aerial angu twenty le radio hk hk hk ngafa mina zimbambo hk
Wena usutshaye umqhekezo ku left lenwele ezistretchiweyo ngelitshe hk hk hk zafakwa le pholishi yezichathulo emnyama zicazimula!!!!!!!!

Ibhurugwe yi turn up yendazula lesichathulo esicela izulu..thatha wena dabuka hk hk hk hk
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 12:23 PM

Ha Ha Ha Hk Hk, gpn Liyangchaza blayind zihlobo. Mabila!, Waze wam' cahsisa uDabu, ngendlela eveza ubuhlaya obukhulu. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />

Ngingadlala lawe Mabila, nginga hlala ngile plaster around my chest. Iyabe ingeyoku bamba imbambo zinge phuki.

----------------------------------

What does a woman and a jelly have in common

THEY BOTH WIGGLE WHEN U EAT EM.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 01:11 PM

A Dog Named Sex

A Dog Named Sex Everyone that has a dog names him "Rover: or "Champ" or something like that. Well, I named my dog sex. Now... Sex has been very imbarrassing for me. When I went to city hall to get him a licence... I told the clerk that I would like a licence for sex. He said "I would like one too!" Then I said "But this a dog."

He said " I don't care what she looks like."

I said "You don't understand, I've had sex since I was 9 years old."

He said, I must of been quite a kid.

When I got married and went on my honeymoon I took the dog along with us. I told the motel clerk that I wanted a room for my wife, myself and specail one for sex. He said "That every room was for sex."

I said "You don't understand sex keeps me up at night."

He said "Me too!"

One day I enter Sex in a contest. But, before the compitition began, the dog ran off. Another contestant asked me why I was just standing and looking around. I told him I had planned to have Sex in the contest. He told me I should of sold tikets.

"But you don't understand" I said " I had hoped to have Sex on TV."

He called me a show off!

When my wife and I separated we went to court to fight for custody of the dog. I said "Your Honor, I have had Sex before we were married."

The judge said "Me too."

Then I told him after I was married Sex left me."

He said "Me too!"

Last night Sex ran off again. I spent hours looking around town for him. A cop came over and asked me "What are you doing in this alley at 4 a.m. in the morning?"

I said " I was looking for Sex."

The casse comes up on Frieday!!!
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 04:49 PM

gpn gpn gpn hk hk hk hk

ngibhala lokhu ngilele phezulu kwe stretcher ngoba imbambo azisekho.
please lingabosibulala so.Kill me bunandi
kini lonke kuleyi thread <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 08:27 PM

Imini-cooper Mabila hk.......gpn.
Mkhankaso loDoc loZwangs loDabuka don't kill spectators like me.....gpn... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 10:03 PM

The tradition at weddings
A little boy,Thabo, at a wedding looks at his mom and says, "Mommy, why does the girl wear white?"

His mom replies, "The bride is in white because she's happy and this is the happiest day of her life."

Thabo thinks about this, and then says, "Well then, why is the boy wearing black?"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 10:04 PM

Like Father, Like Husband?

If it's true that girls are inclined to marry men like their fathers, it is understandable why so many mothers cry so much at weddings.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/19/04 10:12 PM

My Dearest,darlingest and chocolate Bila,

Sweetie of my heart. I've been so desolate ever since I broke off our engagement. Simply devastated. Won't you please consider coming back to me? You hold a place in my heart no other woman can fill. I can never marry another woman quite like you. I need you so much. Won't you forgive me and let us make a new beginning? I love you so.

Yours always and truly,
Dabuka

P.S. Congratulations on you winning the state lottery.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/20/04 12:33 AM

Bafowethu.

I Computer le isingenza ngibe lizanka. Abangane babona sengiqhunsuka ngohleko everytime I turn on the computer.

Dabukamhlaba, sekuludonga olwesabisayo lapho engimi khona, sekusele ukuthi ngibone okungale.

Zikhanzinge mfowethu. Ende uyasikarabha.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabonwabulawe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/20/04 02:22 PM

Insizwa yakithi lena sees a Hilbrow woman pouring powder on the baby's bums, the man says "Yingakho izifebe zalapha eHillbrow zimnandi kangaka zithelwa usawuthi zisencane."
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/20/04 06:36 PM

imnzi lena sbali akuyiphinde njalo.. <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/20/04 08:21 PM

Ncomazi..more fire..more fire..gpn gpn.Dabuka udlani kulezinsuku skeem,uyavayindela bloko,usiphethe maboto...ungakhohlwa ukubatshela phela abantu ukuthi yimi engikufakela zonke lezi iizibhotshi(amajokes).abantu sebegcwala ngesitampa sami besithi nguwe...let's settle imoko leyi now skeem.
adawise angisela mbambo...sengihlephukile blind bafo.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/20/04 10:11 PM

Ngake ngathi ngizihambela e filabusi ngathola abantu begcwele blind phambili komunye umuzi.Ngabuza enye indoda ukuthi how far,yathi "AAh idonki lika Bhetshu likhabe labulala umamazala wakhe".
Ngamangala ngathi,"Eish kutsho ukuthi udumile umama lo e area lakhe,kugcwele abantu kangaka!!".

Yangibhorizela amehlo indoda leyo yathi "Okwangaphi! Sonke lapha sifuna ukuthenga idonki leli"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 01:22 AM

heeeeeeeee lina ighmn! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 02:32 AM

BE STRONG, HONEY

A man escapes from prison where he has been for 15 years. He breaks into a house to look for money and guns and finds a young couple in
bed.

He orders the guy out of bed and ties him to a chair. While tying the Girl to the bed he gets on top of her, kisses her neck, then goes up
into the bathroom. While he's in there, the husband tells the wife: "Listen, this guy's an escaped convict, look at his clothes! He probably Spent lots of time in jail and hasn't seen a woman in years... I saw how he kissed your neck.

If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain. Do whatever he tells you.

Satisfy him no matter how much he nauseates you. This guy is probably dangerous. If he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you."


To which the Wife responds: " He wasn't kissing my neck. He was whispering in my ear. He told me he Was gay, thought you were cute and asked if we had any Vaseline. I told him it was in the bathroom. Be strong honey, I love you too!!"
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 05:49 AM

GPN waze wangibula mabili. Be strong ndoda iyeza i-vaseline <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hk hk
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 12:37 PM

Sam gets home from work and finds his wife epenselwa ngu Sibanda umakhelwane. He was
shocked and went to the sitting room trying to settle down. As if akulanto eyenzakeleyo, the wife brings her husband food after some time. Because of
what he had seen- The husband just ignores: The wife goes on to say:
Dlana isitshwala leso waphombuku dana nje kungani nguwe okade upenselwa
Posted by: iboyz

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 01:20 PM

Okunye okumntwanyana okwakuku-grade 3 kwabona kubalwe: i-----lembula ingubo lingene. Umbalisi wasekuqamba ukuthi kufake ibala elingekho ekuqaleni. Manje okunana lokhu kwasekusithi "Iwule".
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 03:06 PM

Three couples went out camping. The three husbands stayed in one tent and the three wives stayed in the other.

At about 3 in the morning, Bob woke up and yelled, "Wow, unbelievable!"

Bill woke up and asked, "What's going on?"

Bob said, "I've got to go to the other tent and find my wife."

"How come?"

"To have sex! I just woke up with the biggest hard-on I've ever had in my life!"

After a pause, Bill said, "Do you want me to come with you?"

"Hell, no! Why would I want you to do that?"

"Because that's my fuck' dick you're holding!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 04:32 PM

PARENTS AND MONEY


The daughter had not been to the house for over 5 years. Upon her return,her father cussed her out:
" Where have you been all this time, you ingrate! Why didn't you write
us, not even a line to let us know how you were doing? Why didn't you
call? You little tramp! Don't you know what you put your Mom through??!!"
The girl, crying: "Sniff, sniff... Dad... I became a prostitute..."

"WHAT? Out of here, you shameless harlot, sinner, you're a disgrace to this
family - I don't ever want to see you again!"

"OK, Dad - as you wish. I just came back to give Mom this fur coat and
title to a mansion, a savings account certificate of $5 million for my
little brother, and for you, Daddy, this gold Rolex, the spanking new BMW
that's parked outside and a lifetime membership to the Country Club... an
invitation for you all to spend New Years' Eve on board my new yacht in the
Riviera, and ... "Now what was it you said you had become?" Girl, crying
again: Sniff, sniff "A prostitute Dad!" ... Sniff, sniff "Oh! Gee - you
scared me half to death, girl! I thought you said "a Protestant". Come
here and give your old man a hug!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 05:24 PM

NEW EMPLOYMENT RULES

SICKDAYS

We will no longer accept a sick note as proof of sickness. If you are able to get to the doctor, you are able to come into work.

SURGERY

Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider having anything removed. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

HOLIDAYS

Each employee will receive 104 holidays per year. They are to be called Saturday and Sunday.

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends or relatives. Every effort should be made to have non-employees to attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled for the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done.

ABSENT FOR YOUR OWN DEATH.

This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

TOILET USE.

Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilets. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance:

All employees whose names begin with ?A? will go from 8.00 to 8.20, employees whose names begin with ?B? will go from 8.20 to 8.40 and so on.

If you are unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a co- worker. Both workers supervisors must approve this exchange in writing.

In addition, there is a now a strict 3-minute time limit in the toilets. At the end of the 3 minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper will retract, and the door will open.

LUNCH BREAK
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to maintain their average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that?s all the time needed to drink a Slim-Fast and take a diet pill.

DRESS CODE
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing fancy trainers or clothing we will assume that you doing well financially and therefore do not need a pay rise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore all questions, comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations, or input should be directed elsewhere.

Have a nice day.
The Management.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/21/04 10:07 PM

iboyz,hlathi81,soweto,mkhankaso,mbasela,siru, mabila lani lonke engingaliqambanga ngamagama....I WANT TO SUE YOU COZ I LOST MY JOB.

osikhulu bami bathe angiphelelanga engqondweni ngoba ngitshona ngihleka kuphela phambili kwe computer.So ngibhala nje ngisesibhedlela senhlanya;ngihanjiswe nge force.
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 12:58 AM

I think I'm the next victim.........gpn......gpn..gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 03:21 AM

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand. He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?" She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've known you since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, and you manipulate people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big shot when you haven't got the brains to realize you never will amount to anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defense attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know him." The defense attorney almost died.

By this time the judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very quiet voice, said, "If either of you b * stards asks her if she knows me, I'll throw your sorry as**s in jail for contempt."
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 04:53 AM

A bunch of lunatics chilling out emzini wazo engutsheni get a surprise visit bevakatshelwa ngu-dokotela wenhlanya. Olunye lwakhona belubhizi luziqhenya luthi "I'm Julius Cesar, I'm Julius Cesar. Cesar". UDokotela uselubuza ukuthi ngubani olutshele wathi lingu-Julius Cesar? Uhlanya lubeluphendula lusithi "God said so, God told me". Esamangele udokotela olunye lube luklabalala from nowhere lusithi "I didn't say that, I never said you're Julius Cesar, ungangiqambeli".
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 05:16 AM

Ngelinye ilanga uDokotela evakatshele engutsheni ethi kahle eyebona ukuthi kambe kungabe kukhona osengcono yini enhlanyeni was very shocked to find olunye luhlezi ku-edge yombeda luduma njengemota. umsindo wakhona!! luthi vumu, vumu.vuvuvuvumuuuu. izandla zisemoyeni zathi lubambe isidrayivo. So the doctor asks him, "What are you doing", uhlanya lubelusithi "I'm on my way driving to Johannesburg, suka emgwaqweni ngizakunyathela". so udokotela nguye lowaya ezidlulela.
Esanda kweqa imibheda emithathu ebebona kowesine hatshi kasi-movement wena phakathi kwengubo engaboni ngitsho lekhanda. ebenyenya uDokotela evula ingubo ukuthi ebone ukuthi kuhamba njani. He was shocked seeing indoda isiginqe imanzi te, ikweza umbeda kungelamuntu. ebeyibuza ukuthi what are you doing? With a big smile lubelusithi uhlanya "Whilst that guy is speeding on his way to Johannesburg, I'm fuc.king his wife".
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 07:42 AM

imbangela yokuthi odade besikhiweni bebelezibunu ezi flat yikuthi besesengabantwana izibunu zabo zisese manzi bahlala phansi kakhulu.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 11:06 AM

Mkhankaso nanzelela, ungazilingiseli kakhulu inhlanya hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Soweto zazimanzi okwamanzi kumbe ubuthakathaka hk hk hk GPN....Lapha sekufuneka isigelo.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 11:49 AM

zazimanzi okokubabuthakathaka hk hk zazingakaqinisisi
Posted by: zelizwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 01:36 PM

I dont believe any of this crap.

Men are like ........Laxatives .... They irritate the sh!t out of you.
Men are like ........ Bananas .... The older they get, the less firm they are.
Men are like ........ Vacations .... They never seem to be long enough.
Men are like ........ Weather .... Nothing can be done to change them.
Men are like ........ Blenders .... You need One, but you're not quite sure why.
Men are like ........ Chocolate Bars ...... Sweet, smooth, & they usually head right for your hips.
Men are like ........ Commercials .... You can't believe a word they say.
Men are like ........ Department Stores ...... Their clothes are always 1/2 off.
Men are like ........ Government Bonds ...... They take soooooooo long to mature.
Men are like ........ Mascara .... They usually run at the first sign of emotion.
Men are like ......... Popcorn They satisfy you, but only for a little while.
Men are like . Snowstorms ...... You never know when they're coming, how many inches you'll get or how long it will last.
Men are like ........ Lava Lamps ...... Fun to look at, but not very bright.
Men are like ........ Parking Spots ........ All the good ones are taken, the rest are handicapped.
Posted by: zelizwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 01:49 PM

A letter to Edgars Stores (Credit Department)

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 20 October 2004 in which for the third time you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to reimburse you as soon as possible.

However, I bring to your attention that I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly whom I hasten to refund immediately. I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Yours Faithfully

Remote Moyo

PS: I have great regret in informing you that given the unceremonious tone of yuor last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 02:17 PM

Fika kuhle zelizwe hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 02:21 PM

Themba and Nompilo decided that the only way to pull off a Sunday afternoon quickie with their ten-year-old son, Jabu in the apartment was to send him out on the balcony and tell him to report on all the neighborhood activities.

He began his commentary as his parents put their plan into operation.

"There's a car being towed from the parking lot," he said.

A few moments passed.

"An ambulance just drove by."

A few more moments passed.

"Looks like the Moyos have company," he called out.

"Matt's riding a new bike."

"The Ncubes are having sex."

Mom and Dad shot up in bed.

"How do you know their having sex?"

"Their kid is standing out on the balcony too,"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 02:24 PM

kwakule ndebele lekalanga letshabi.kwasekuthiw a abenze izinto ezinyanyisayo;Ikalanga la brama, indebele lahlanza.......hayi ke itshabi lathatha konke koyi 2(um-bramo le trumpet) ladla.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 02:35 PM

Reasons why it's great to be a guy


1. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat.


2.You know at least 20 ways to open a beer bottle.


3.A five day vacation requires only one suitcase.


4.Monday Night Football.


5.One mood, all the time.


6.Everything on your face stays its original color.


7.Old friends don't annoy you if you've lost or gained weight.


8.Your underwear is $10 for a three pack


9.You don't have to remember everyone's birthdays and anniversaries.


10.A beer gut does not make you invisible to the opposite sex.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 02:53 PM

esizakubona lapha asazi hk hk hk
kuthiwa many years ago man used to vula the panty yomfazi to see their zibunu, now they vula izibunu zomfazi to see the panty,
lakho uthi kuyabe kuyikuyini hk hk hk okungumzila nje kweqhele(string)
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 03:14 PM

Dabukamhlaba wazewangibulala mfowethu!!! GPN ishona lishona sibili. hk hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 04:16 PM

Indoda emadodeni!!!
Ngelinye ilanga oJohn Nkomo, Jon Moyo, Dabengwas, labo Welshman Ncube regardless ukuthi baku Zanu pf or MDC bebezilibazisa beku-Parliament break eHalale. Njengoba kuvamile ukuthi amashona ajwayele ukubuthana wodwa lamandebele wodwa during these breaks, nampo beziqalisela ezemdeni oJohn, bezitshayela inquzu kwenye indlu belindele amanina abo oThenjiwe Lesabe labo Sithokozile Khupe besapheka itiye.
UMzenda evela esambuzini edlula esiya kwamanye amashona ebesizwa luthuli kabi amandebele ayakholisa. Nango engena. Ethi uyathi ebone kayikhali bantu inqagala!! manje yinto angazake ayenze. Ebezibuza ethi manje ngenzeni? Nango eqala inhlala beyenza amadoda emadodeni esishoneni. Ebewuqalisa umbululu ewusukela lomdadada!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/22/04 05:16 PM

hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Mkhankaso akume booh!
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/23/04 07:31 AM

Elinye itopi elingu makhelwana, lafika endlini yalo lathi lingena lezwa;

Ilizwi lempintshi: Kubuhlungu?
Ilizwi lomntanayo(intombazana): Yeee, Haayi, sssss, ahh!

Impintshi : Ngikhiphe?
Intombazana : Hhayi, ssssss! uuu!

Impintshi: Ima ngihle ngiqedise, phela, mmmmh!
Intombazana: ssss! mmmm! ahhh!

Itopi lavaya lakhera induku ngaphansi kombheda wayo, ngokuphangisa, laza layo. Gwabu! lavula umnyango, labona impintshi ibangula untombazana - waye hlatshwe ngameva.

Ngiyakwazi ukuthi ubusu cabangani.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/23/04 05:36 PM

Batayi mpela,esizakuzwa lapha asazi...l think kusamele silethe istand-up comedy ekhaya...abanengi benu can do good.... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
kwakulo Dube loNdlovu bengomakhesto eNkust,one day uNdlovu ezidlela imbumbuluza[having sex],nango umfazi kaDube ebanjwa yisisu esefuna ukugijimiselwa esibhedlela..uNdlovu wayelemota,seyaqoqode uDube...no reply kuzwakala umsindo wobheda kuphela...waqala uDube,Ndlovini baba,Ndlovini baba,thina siyagulelwa lina liyazeka!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/24/04 03:31 AM

hk hk hk hk Sirimula <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/24/04 03:36 AM

A young man called Peter wanted to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's Christmas present and as they had not been dating for very
long, after careful consideration, he decided that a pair of gloves would strike the right note - not too romantic and not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's sister he went to Harrods and bought a dainty pair of white gloves. The sister purchased a pair of
panties for herself at the same time. During the wrapping the shop assistant mixed up the two items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents the young man sealed the package and sent it to his sweetheart with the
following note:

Dear Maria,
I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your
sister I would have chosen the long ones with the buttons, but she wears short ones that are easier to remove. These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair that she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled at all. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart even though they were a little tight on her. She also told me that her pair helps to keep her ring clean and shiny, in fact she had not needed to wash it since she had
begun wearing them. I wish I were there to put them on for you for the first time, as no doubt many other hands will touch them before I have a chance to see you again. When you take them off remember to blow into them before putting
them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing. Just think how many times my lips will kiss them during the coming year. I hope that you will wear them for me on Friday night.


All my love Peter


P.S.
The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little furshowing"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/25/04 06:57 PM

gpn gpn gpn gpn.....kini lonke <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

ayi kill me bunandi lapha ekhaya.kodwa i think abanye sebezahlanya ngempela.........watch out.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 01:23 AM

This is a true story......

A guy leaves his family ko Bulawayo on a Monday morning in the pretext of a business trip eHarare. Business bani....umuntu wabe siyazilojela ku Small House ePumula. Achazeke, achelese ubaba abanye baze bamspote eBulawayo Airport ebuka indizamtshina le nina lakhe elincane. Njengomuntu who was exptected home on Friday evening, ngabona kwakuthunqa uthuli emacansini lapha ngolwesihlanu lolo...........

Mkhuhlane bani bandla ohlasela umuntu kabuhlungu kangaka....nango ubaba ngokwakhe kasalali...seyi nko mtshokotsho and the man is in intense pain.Usebongolela umuntu weNkosi kasazenzi. Umama omncane abe ebiza i Ambulance , eqgokisa ipink morning gown yakhe lama bedroom slippers akhe with all the frills lama phephezela you can imagine. Ubaba confused with pain, aggoke kuphela and follows all instructions at this point. Ebephosela umuntu wabanikazi yedwa phakathi kwe Ambulane umama lo, layo yabe itshetsha iduma. Phela ibhulugwe kumnikazi vele lisangasagqokeki.

I ambulance lama layithi ngwi...ngwi..ngwi ingena eMpilo.......

Abekhala ubaba acele omongikazi ukuthi kufonelwe uNakaBantwana ngapha sekonakele.......hk hk hk

Ethi ethutsha unaka Bantwana ubaba vuliyani i gown...."khangela umdala mama akusela" hk hk hk

UNaka bantwana ahle aqale ngokulabhulela khatshane le okuyigown...."ngeka bani seka bantwana lokungama nyathela lokho uphiwe ngubani"

"Hayi mama ngitsho ubaba.......khange akusela"

Poor woman, comes to her senses and realizes the seriousness of the situation and the inevitable demise of her marital bliss! Sadly that was to be his last erection.......nanzelelani Bandla. Ukweqa uthango nx!!!!!!!

O small house cannot face the heat nxa sekusebunzimeni.........
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 03:56 AM

Eyi-chikowore ivakatshele e-america for the first time around i-Halloween time, yangena esitolo ithi iyebona ukuthi bathengisani. Ingena esitolo yahle yaganywa ngumnini stolo ethi "uyithenge ngaphi imask yakho siyewoda amanengi lathi".!! <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 06:59 AM

MANAGEMENT LESSON


Does your company have a problem in recruiting the right person for the right job?

If yes, try out this simple experiment.

Put around 100 bricks in some particular order in a closed room with an open window. Then send 2-3 candidates into the room and close it from outside. Leave them alone and come back after 6 hours, and then analyse the situation:


If they are counting and recounting the number of bricks,
PUT THEM IN ACCOUNTS

If they have messed up the whole place with the bricks,
PUT THEM IN THE CLEARING DEPT

If they are arranging the bricks in some other order,
PUT THEM IN PLANNING

If they are throwing the bricks at each other,
PUT THEM IN OPERATIONS

If they are sleeping,
PUT THEM IN SECURITY

If they have broken the bricks into pieces,
PUT THEM IN the INFORMATION TECHNOLOGY

If they are sitting idle,
PUT THEM IN HR


If they have thrown the bricks out of the window,
PUT THEM IN THE LOANS SECTIONS

If they are clinging onto the bricks,
PUT THEM IN TREASURY

If they are discussing only and not a brick has moved,
PUT THEM IN MANAGEMENT

If they say they have tried different combinations, yet not a brick has moved, PUT THEM IN SALES


If they have already left for the day,
PUT THEM IN MARKETING
Posted by: YIMI-Kai-ONE

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 12:12 PM

They say SEX is like Maths,u subtract the panty,divide the legs,add the penis,then multiply the nation.SO WHEN DID U LAST PRACTICE MATHS?
Posted by: YIMI-Kai-ONE

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 12:15 PM

IF U HAD SEX 365TIMES IN 12 MONTHS AND U MELTED DOWN THE CONDOMS TO MAKE A TYRE,WHAT WOULD U CALL IT?.............A FUCKING GOOD YEAR.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 01:54 PM

Hah ha ha ha hah, gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> gpn

I hold you guyz responsible, for contravening the rib maintanance and order act. You will all be judged with culpable rib damage.

Liyangi bulala. Fakani ubunandi la! <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 02:19 PM

IS THERE A DIFFERENCE BETWEEN WOMAN AND POLICE CARS?


NO BECAUSE THE ALL MAKE NOISE WHEN THEY COME
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 02:21 PM

IF MY RIGHT LEG WAS X-MAS AND MY LEFT WAS NEW YEAR WOULD YOU MIND VISITING ME IN BETWEEN THE HOLIDAYS <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Embarrassed]" src="images/icons/blush.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 10:06 PM

Fika lazo YIMI Ka-One,
Ubabakazi uMabila uselosowabo enkundleni.

Mina kuma side-lines zwi!
Imbambo ziku-plaster....... <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 10:08 PM

ngiyavumelana lawe doc; ithink kufanele kube le medical fund yembambo zethu

__________________________________________________

The top six reasons computers must be female:

6. As soon as you have one, a better one is just around the corner.

5. No one but the creator understands the internal logic.

4. Even your smallest mistakes are immediately committed to memory for future reference.

3. The native language used to communicate with other computers is incomprehensible to everyone else.

2. The message "Bad Command or File Name" is about as informative as

"If you don't know why I'm mad at you, then I'm certainly not going to tell you".

AND THE NUMBER ONE REASON COMPUTERS ARE FEMALE:

As soon as you make a commitment to one, you find yourself spending half of your paycheck on accessories for it.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 10:27 PM

You know you're getting older when...

Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.

Your children are beginning to look middle-aged.

Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.


Your back goes out more than you do.

You sink your teeth into a steak, and they stay there.

You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/26/04 10:49 PM

A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: "And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?" the reporter asked.

She simply replied, "No peer pressure."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 12:53 AM

Bamba ziqine imbambo Kwani Mina......siya kude Baba!!!

A woman walks into her sex therapist's office and tells her that her husband is not a very good lover, and they never have sex anymore and asks what to do about it. The Therapist tells her that she has an experimental drug that might do the trick.

She tells the woman to give her husband one pill that night and come back in the
morning and tell her what happened. The next day, the woman comes in ecstatic telling the therapist that the pill worked and she and her
husband had the best sex ever. She asked her therapist what would happen if she gave her husband two pills and the therapist says she doesn't know, but to go ahead and try it.

The next day, the same thing happens, the woman comes in telling the therapist that the sex was even better than the night before and what would happen if she gave him five pills.
The Therapist says she doesn't know but to go ahead and try it. The next day the woman comes in limp but happy and tells the therapist that
the sex just keeps getting better and what would happen if she gave her husband the rest of the bottle. The therapist again says she doesn't
know ; it's an experimental drug and she doesn't know what a full bottle could do to person. Anyway, the woman leaves the therapist's office and put the whole bottle of pills in the husband's morning coffee.

A week later, a boy walks into the therapist's office and says, " Are you the dumb shit who gave my mother a bottle of experimental pills ?"
The therapist says "Why, yes, young man, I did. Why do you ask?
"Well, mum is dead, my sister's pregnant, my ass hurts and Dad is sitting in a corner going , Here, kitty, kitty come ...
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 05:22 AM

Dear Sir / Madam

Thank you for your letter of 14 October. After careful consideration I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer me employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals. Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does not meet my needs at this time.


Therefore I will start work with your company on Monday 28 October at
8.30 am. I look forward to seeing you then.


Yours .........


J Chinotimba
Posted by: Gazilikababa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 06:22 AM

Mabila.... You Rock!!!! <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 09:19 AM

aaaa mabila ulikope ngaphi lelo ay utshayile <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 09:43 AM

Mabila hk hk hk, ayi kunzima hk hk <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I
have an 18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you
think about that?"

The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I
have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One
day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked
up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a
beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang,
bang' and the beaver fell dead. What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."

The doctor replied, "My point exactly." hk hk,
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 10:03 PM

A Chinese man arranged for a hooker to come to his room for the evening. Once in the room they undressed, climbed into bed, and went at it. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and commenced a repeat performance.

The hooker was impressed with the gusto of the second encounter. When finished, the Chinese man jumped up, ran over to the window, took a deep breath, dove under the bed, climbed out the other side, jumped back into bed with the hooker and started again!

The hooker was amazed at this sequence. During the fifth encounter, she decided to try it herself. When they were done she jumped up, went to the window and took a deep breath of fresh air, dove under the bed to find 4 other Chinese men.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 10:13 PM

Abraham Grossman, the rich young bachelor, is entertaining a gorgeous woman, Gloria, with dinner in his penthouse.
As his Chinese servant pours the coffee, Gloria asks, "Wu, how do you make such delicious coffee?"
"Me take plenty boiled water," explains Wu, "and stir in coffee, velly, velly slow."
"Yes," says Gloria, "but it is so clear. How do you strain it so cleverly?"
"Me take master?s silk socks..." begins Wu.
"What!" shouts Grossman. "You take my best silk socks to strain the coffee?"
"Oh, no, master," replies Wu. "Me never take master?s clean socks."
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 03:36 PM

A little boy named Tommy had ESP, ie he could see into and tell the future.

One night Tommy was praying and he said "God bless Mommy, Daddy, Fluffy, and goodbye Barny. Amen." Barny was the family's pet hampster.

Well, during that night, Fluffy, the cat , opened up Barny's cage and gobbled him up.

The next night, our young Tommy got praying, and said "God bless Mommy, Daddy and goodbye Fluffy. Amen."

The next morning, Fluffy was flattened by a passing truck in the street.

That night, little Tommy was praying again, "God bless Mommy and goodbye Daddy. Amen."

The man had a very long and sleepless night. Next morning he requested an armoured vehicle from the police to ferry him to and from work. As he arrived back home in the evening, his lovely wife dashed out of the house to meet him.

Man: What's up, sweetheart?

Wife: Oh dear, you will never guess what happened!

Man: What is it?

Wife: The postman dropped dead this morning, and right on our doostep!
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/27/04 03:52 PM

A man walks into a pharmacy to buy an anal deodorant. The assistant explains that they don't stock that kind of deo. The man is adamant that he bought the last one in that shop. The assistant eventually escalates the problem to his supervisor who explains that their shop has never stocked such an item. The man adamantly reiterates his previous purchase, and that he has for several years, always bought the said commodity in that shop for several years. The pharmacist requests the man to provide a sample so that they could try to match it up for him.

The following day the customer turns up with a sample. The pharmacist is baffled and asks the man why he thinks it is an anal deodorant when it is obviously of the underarm stick variety.

Customer: shoving the reverse of the 'stick' under the pharmacist's nose "Here, check this for yourself, read it, what does it say, huh? "

Clearly written on the reverse was "Push up bottom to use"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 12:17 AM

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide.

The librarian takes one look at him and says 'Voetsek', who's gonna
bring it back".
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 12:22 AM

A slightly off-colour story from a surprised tech department manager...


A co-worker got a pen stuck inside our printer. He started to try and remove the pen, but I told him we don't have time for that now, just
put a note on the printer telling folks not to use it and then report it to the Help Desk. So he grabbed a piece of paper and scrawled on it. I left before he finished the note.

About 20 minutes later, one of my techs comes in laughing and says he was just in the lobby, saw a piece of paper on a printer and went to
investigate. Attached is what he found.


Sometimes things don't always come out the way you want them to.


"DON'T TOUCH PENIS STUCK"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 12:37 AM

Mabila angila nkani....u rocked me ngendaba yama experimental pills... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> u rule!!
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 06:21 AM

Hercules, Snow White and Quasimodo were all having lunch together.


Hercules said, "I have always thought that I'm the strongest man in

the world, but how can I be sure?" Snow White agreed. "I'm told I'm the fairest of them all, but sometimes I wonder." Quasimodo said, "I'm
pretty sure I'm the ugliest human alive but I've never had it confirmed." They all decided that the best way to find out if their beliefs were true was to pray about it that night and ask

God to Confirm for them whether Hercules was the strongest, Snow White was the Fairest and Quasimodo was the ugliest. They agreed to meet again the next day for lunch to discuss their findings. The next day Hercules walked up with a smile. "Well, it's true. God told me that I am the strongest man in the world." Snow White perked up and said, "And I now know for sure that I'm the fairest for God confirmed it."

But Quasimodo lifted his sad face and said, "Who is Enos Chikowore?"
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 07:03 AM

GPN wangibulala Lobengula <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> . Kasazi ukuthi uzachatsha ngaphi uChikowore. Even emangcwabeni uMoven Mahachi uzitshaya isifuba uthi muhle nxa efananiswa loChikowore!!
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/28/04 10:58 PM

Lobhengula uyenelisa yini ukuyifaka ku Letters to the Herald editor?

Ingaba yi-headline news. Siyabonga usiphile mfowethu.

Uyihlanganise leye-mask yehaloween......gpn...gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 04:41 AM

Bafowethu.

A notice at a bus station during renovations, "WAIT PENT."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: zelizwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 10:52 PM

Subject: Atholakala kuphi?


The teacher at the toddlers school wanted to find out if the kids knew where different tribes of South Africa are found. She asked the kids as follows

Q 1: AmaXhosa atholakala kuphi?
Ans 1: "E Transkei", the kid answered.

Q 2: AmaShangane atholakala kuphi?
Ans 2: E Giyani the infant answered.

Q 4 : AmaPedi atholakala kuphi?
Ans 4: "E Moria", the kid with glasses shouted.

Q 3 : AbaTswana batholakali kuphi?
Ans 3. "E-Bophuthatswana" the kid said with all the confidence

Q 4 : AmaZulu atholakala kuphi?
Ans 4 : After a bit of silence, the other kid shouted "Erenkini".
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 12:10 PM

Lobs ungibulele mfo. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 12:17 PM

A priest was driving along and saw a nun on the side of the road, he stopped and offered her a lift which she accepted. She got in and crossed her legs, forcing her gown to open and reveal a lovely leg. The priest had a look and nearly had an accident. After controlling the car, he stealthfully slid his hand up her leg.

The nun looked at him and immediately said, "Father,remember psalm 129?" The priest was flustered and apologized profusely. He forced himself to remove his hand. However, he was unable to remove his eyes from her leg. Further on while changing gear, he let his hand slide up her leg again. The nun once again said, "Father, remember psalm 129?" Once again the priest apologized."Sorry sister but the flesh is weak."

Arriving at the convent, the nun got out gave him a meaningful glance and went on her way. On his arrival at the church, the priest rushed to retrieve a bible and looked up psalm 129. It Said, "Go forth and seek, further up, you will find glory."
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 12:39 PM

What we should expect of Umgaxa le mpintshi zakhe to experience, ngensuku ezizayo.

<img src="http://www.geocities.com/chimero_2000/matadorowned.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 01:27 PM

<img src="http://www.nxsecure.org/forums/uploads/post-20-1098147514.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 02:34 PM

esikolweni ku grade two umbalisi watshela abantwana ukuba baqedise la amazwi ahlakaniphileyo
nanzi impendulo ezezayo

umthwentwe uhlaba....impendulo yakhona Abangela mathenesi

kwabo kwagwala akula...impendulo yakhona Akula kudla babulawa yindlala

Izandla......impendulo Zami ziyagodola
Posted by: iboyz

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 03:53 PM

True Story!!!

e-boarding lapho engafunda khona kwakulo headmaster olikhiwa futhi engumfundisi we-church ngamaSundays. Kwakule zakhamizi zenkomponi ezazibuya e-church yeskolo ngamaSundays but s'veti sasingavuki. Babona kungcono ukuthi kube lo-translator and one of the local guys was appointed. One day soon after the service during ama announcement ezinto zes'kolo, uheadmaster wathi "You must respect the headboy", u translator wathi " kufanele lihloniphe u khanda-mfana" Bonke abantu badubuka ngokuhleka and that was the last day they did izinto zama-translations
Posted by: iboyz

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 05:27 PM

Omunye umdala wabanjwa e-busy ecansini lomfazi womuntu. Weqa waphuma endlini ngewindi engagqokanga umnikazi womfazi esefuna ukumgamula. Wathi efika endlini ekwazi ukuthi umfazi uzakudla ibaba wahle wangena ememeza "Mama, Lokhu kuyangihlolela sibili, amatsotsi kawasangibondanga nje, bangitshaye bangithathela ibhurugwe konke lezicathulo!!!" Umfazi wama wamkhanela, wasephendula wathi "ah, sekabantwana, amatsotsi akulezinsuku azasibonisa okunye,....... bakutshaye baze batshiya sebekugqokise icondom!
Posted by: iboyz

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 10/29/04 05:37 PM

John wanted to be an accountant, so he went for an aptitude test:

Tester: If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

John : SEVEN!

Tester: No, listen carefully again. If I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

John : SEVEN!

Tester: Let's try this another way. If I give you two bottles of beer, and two bottles of beer, and another two bottles of beer, how many bottles of
beer have you got?

John : SIX.

Tester: Good! Now, if I give you two Rabbits, and two rabbits, and another two rabbits, how many rabbits have you got?

John : SEVEN!

Tester: How on Earth do you work out that three lots of two rabbits is seven?

John : I've already got one rabbit at home now!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/01/04 02:45 PM

Umthandazo wesizulu...

Baba, sicela ukuthi usithethelele amacala ethu yize singenawo. Njengoba wazi nawe ukuthi akusithina esibulele uJesu, owayezele ukuzofela abantu bonke emhlabeni.

uJesu wabulawa abelungu ngokumbethela esphambanweni. Futhi akusithina esamthengisa, wathengiswa ngu Judas Iskariot ongumlumgu.

Futhi akusithina esamphika ukuthi siyamazi, waphikwa ngu Simon Petro ongumlumgu naye. Futhi uPetro kanye noJudas akusiwona amaZulu ngoba
kuyaziwa ezweni lonke ukuthi thina maZulu asinawo amagama anjengalawo, amagama ethu ngo Mduduzi, oSizakele, oThemba, oMlungisi, oBheki kanye no
Sako Konke lokhu kwenzeke eJerusalema futhi ngethemba ukuthi lendawo ikude kunathi futhi asiyazi. Izindawo esizazi kahle ukusuka le KwaZulu Natal uyofika le eGoli nokuphindela emuva.

Njengoba nawe ubona-ke nje Nkulunkulu ukuthi into yabelungu. Ngalokho Baba sicela ngegama lakho elingcwele ukuthi ungas'faki ngoba thina
njengabantu abamnyama asingeni ndawo kulento.

Kuze kube phakade! AMEN .."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/02/04 01:39 AM

NATIONAL CELIBACY DAY

Please remember that November 2, 2004 has been designated as National Celibacy Day:

No Bush, No Dick.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/02/04 01:45 AM

SOCIAL SECURITY SEX


Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"


"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."


"Social Security sex?"


"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


LOUD SEX:


A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor
Every time we're in bed and my husband has an orgasm, he lets out this ear
splitting yell."


"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is."


"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


QUIET SEX:


Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?"


She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


CONFOUNDED SEX


A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it
was considered cosmetic.


The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
$14,000 for "large."


The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.


The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor
came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.


"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.


The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.


The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."


"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


Here Lies My Husband -


Stiff At Last.'"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WOMEN'S HUMOR


My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight."


He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing
him instantly.


Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge asked her if she
had anything to say in her defense.


She began coolly, Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have
sex...he could fly


SOCIAL SECURITY SEX


Two men were talking. So, how's your sex life?"


"Oh, nothing special. I'm having Social Security sex."


"Social Security sex?"


"Yeah, you know: I get a little each month, but not enough to live on!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


LOUD SEX:


A wife went in to see a therapist and said, "I've got a big problem, doctor
Every time we're in bed and my husband has an orgasm, he lets out this ear
splitting yell."


"My dear," the shrink said, "that's completely natural. I don't see what
the problem is."


"The problem is," she complained, "It wakes me up!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


QUIET SEX:


Tired of a listless sex life, the man came right out and asked his wife
during a recent lovemaking session, "How come you never tell me when you
have an orgasm?"


She glanced at him casually and replied, "You're never home!"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


CONFOUNDED SEX


A man was in a terrible accident, and his "manhood" was mangled and torn
from his body. His doctor assured him that modern medicine could give him
back his manhood, but that his insurance wouldn't cover the surgery since it
was considered cosmetic.


The doctor said the cost would be $3,500 for "small, $6,500 for "medium,
$14,000 for "large."


The man was sure he would want a medium or large, but the doctor urged him
to talk it over with his wife before he made any decision.


The man called his wife on the phone and explained their options. The doctor
came back into the room, and found the man looking dejected.


"Well, what have the two of you decided?" asked the doctor.


The man answered, "She'd rather remodel the kitchen".


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WEDDING ANNIVERSARY SEX


A husband and his wife had a bitter quarrel on the day of their 40th
wedding anniversary.


The husband yells, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


'Here Lies My Wife - Cold As Ever'."


"Yeah," she replies, "When you die, I'm getting you a headstone that reads:


Here Lies My Husband -


Stiff At Last.'"


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


WOMEN'S HUMOR


My husband came home with a tube of K Y jelly and said, "This will make you
happy tonight."


He was right. When he went out of the bedroom, I squirted it all over the
doorknobs. He couldn't get back in.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~


One night a 87 yr old woman came home from Bingo to find her 92 yr old
husband in bed with another woman. She became violent and ended up pushing
him off the balcony of their 20th floor assisted living apartment...killing
him instantly.


Brought before the court on charge of murder. The judge asked her if she
had anything to say in her defense.


She began coolly, Yes, your honor, I figured that at 92, if he could have
sex...he could fly
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/02/04 03:31 AM

Bafowethu.

Khazi GPN times I dont know.

Kuthiwa amaPOSTORI ngesikhathi se Ntumbane ayefundisana isindebele emadwaleni aku "B" e PUMULA. Babefundisana ngabantwana babantu lezinyamazana.

Utitsha: Kuyini umntwana wenkomo?
Abafundi: Yinkonyane.

Titsha: Good. Umntwana we donki ke?
Abafundi: Yidonkana.

Good. OWenja ke?
Yinjanana.

Li-Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/02/04 04:32 PM

gpn gpn gpn. what you are all doing is injustice to my ribs and i am going to charge you under the ARPA (Ammended Ribs Protection Act)...hk hk hk hk.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/03/04 12:52 PM

ATM machine

A sign in the Bank Lobby reads: "Please note that this Bank is installing new "Drive-through" teller machines enabling customers to withdraw cash without leaving their vehicles. Customers using this new facility are requested to use the procedures outlined below when accessing their accounts. After months of careful research, MALE & FEMALE procedures have been developed. Please follow the appropriate steps for your gender."

MALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to the cash machine.
2. Put down your car window.
3. Insert card into machine and enter PIN.
4. Enter amount of cash required and withdraw.
5. Retrieve card, cash and receipt.
6. Put window up.
7. Drive off.

FEMALE PROCEDURE
1. Drive up to cash machine.
2. Reverse and back up the required amount to align car window with the machine.
3. Set parking brake, put the window down.
4. Find handbag, remove all contents on to passenger seat to locate card.
5. Tell person on cell phone you will call them back and hang up.
6. Attempt to insert card into machine.
7. Open car door to allow easier access to machine due to its excessive distance from the car.
8. Insert card.
9. Re-insert card the right way.
10. Dig through handbag to find diary with your PIN written on the inside back page.
11. Enter PIN.
12. Press cancel and re-enter correct PIN.
13. Enter amount of cash required.
14. Check makeup in rear view mirror.
15. Retrieve cash and receipt.
16. Empty handbag again to locate wallet and place cash inside.
17. Write deposit amount in check register and place receipt in back of checkbook.
18. Re-check makeup.
19. Drive forward 2 feet.
20. Reverse back to cash machine.
21. Retrieve card.
22. Re-empty hand-bag, locate card holder, and place card into the slot provided.
23. Give appropriate one-fingered hand signal to irate male driver waiting behind you.
24. Restart stalled engine and pull off.
25. Redial person on cell phone.
26. Drive for 2 to 3 miles.
27. Release Parking Brake.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 03:07 AM

A fire suddenly broke out in a brothel. Some came out running and some ran out coming!
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 03:52 AM

Bafowethu.

Khazi, SLOW DOWN BANTU. Angisakwanisi lokukhuluma. Mina phela ngingu Mahleka. Please slow down.

NAMES >>>> Three children were quizzing each other on the road. One would say the first letter of a name, and have the others guess what the name was.

Child No. 1.... "C"
Child No. 2.... "Connelius, Constence, Cabangani, Charles."

Child No. 2.... "D"
Child No. 3.... "Danisa, David, Dumisani, Daniel."

Child No. 3.... "RI"
Child No. 1.... "Richard, Richmond"

Child No. 3.... "No! Yithenge No. 2"
Child No. 2.... "Rita, ....?"
Child No. 3.... "No! ngu RIRIYENI"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 10:25 AM

Pierre,a brave French fighter pilot, takes his girlfriend, Marie, out for a pleasant little picnic by the River Seine.It's a beautiful day, and love is in the air.

Marie leans over to Pierre and says: "Pierre, kiss me!"

Our hero grabs a bottle of Merlot and splashes it on Marie's lips.

"What are you doing, Pierre?", says the startled Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have red meat, I have red wine!"

She smiles and they start kissing.

When things began to heat up a little, Marie says, "Pierre, kiss me lower."

Our hero tears her blouse open, grabs a bottle of Chardonnay and starts pouring it all over her breasts.

"Pierre! What are you doing?" asks the bewildered Marie.

"I am Pierre the fighter pilot! When I have white meat, I have white wine!"

They resume their passionate interlude and things really steam up. Marie leans close to his ear and whispers, "Pierre, kiss me lower!"

Our hero rips off her underwear, grabs a bottle of Cognac and pours it in her lap. He then strikes a match and lights it on fire.

Marie shrieks and dives into the river. Standing waist deep,Marie throws her arms up and screams furiously, "PIERRE, WHAT IN THE HELL DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?"

Our hero stands up, defiantly, and says, "I am Pierre, the fighter pilot! If I go down, I go down in flames!"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 11:10 PM

UDube wayesithi nxa esefuna ukuluthela athi kumkakhe uMaKhumalo, "NakaMfana ngipha itypewriter yami ngibhale incwadi" ahle azi uNaMfana ukuthi ubaba uselambile. Ngelinye ilanga amakhosikazi ayengene iclub koMakhumalo kwenzakala uDube wayekhona njalo esefile liphango. Waqunga isibindi wathumela umtwana kunina ukuthi amtshele ukuthi ubaba uthe ucela itypewriter yakhe abhale. UMaKhumalo waphendula wathi ubhizi kwaze kwabakathathu. UMpangazitha wabona kungcono ukungena e18 azincede. Iclub isitshayisile uMaKhumalo wagijimela kubaba exolisa ngokumphuzela ngenxa yeclub, wathi "baba sengize layo itypewriter." uDube ngokucasuka okukhulu wathi "kudala ngilidile sengize ngabhala ngesandla"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 06:00 PM

A man had been drinking at the bar for hours when he mentioned something about his girlfriend being out in the car. The bartender, concerned because it was so cold, went to check on her. When he looked inside the car, he saw the man's friend, Dave, and his girlfriend kissing one another. The bartender shook his head and walked back inside.

He told the drunk that he thought it might be a good idea to check on his girlfriend. The fellow staggered outside to the car, saw his buddy and his girlfriend kissing, then walked back into the bar laughing.

"What's so funny?" the bartender asked.

"That stupid Dave!" the fellow chortled, "He's so drunk, he thinks he's me!"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 08:18 PM

AYI LIYANGICHAZA BANTU <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/04/04 11:49 PM

Keep them rolling guys, my ribs are still in intensive care but I still manage to take a glance at your laughing pot.

Dr. Mzee was officially opening a prison in his district:

"People of Masvingo, this is one of the projects lined-up for this constituency.

This is your prison and we want you to use it. We don't want to hear that it is full of people from Matebeleland while you are sitting idle around here"..........gpn <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />

--------------------------------------------------

He was reading a speech at a rally and he came across the word 'irregular' and started to stammer 'irr...irr...irr... ah iri ndoriregera ini'.....gpn <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 01:55 AM

Eyi Mzee ngelinye ilanga idlula eGweru, ibibona indlu ethingiswayo le-sign "HOUSE TO LET". Ibisithi labo abantu abangafunda!! ibisiya faka u-"I" btwn TO & LET. Ithi bebezama ukuthi HOUSE & TOILET.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 02:24 AM

GPN GPN Kwazi mina hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Mkhankaso you are barned from this column hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 02:57 AM

Just think about it!

A typical darkie:

1. Are engaged for 5 years or more.


2. Never bother to divorce. They just separate for the rest of their lives.


3. Are late to church, work, and everything else, EXCEPT when the "club" is free before 11:00 PM.


4. Refer to diabetes as "SHUKELA OR ISIFO SESWEKILE".


5. Wait for movies to premier on SIMUNYE.


6. Drive slowly around town just looking for someone so they can say "Hola seven."


7. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday parties, etc. with a new outfit on, with their nails and hair done, but don't
bring a present.


8. In relation to #7, they eat like dogs and take a DOGGIE BAG.


9. Consider "clubbing" as a monthly expense.


10. Leave bills (instead of insurance) behind for surviving relatives.


11. Have at least one relative with a criminal record.


12. Will borrow money for a big wedding reception,then live in a flat with no furniture.


13. Have mothers who can use swear words and religion ALL IN ONE SENTENCE. For example, "Thixo wam, lekaka yomntwana
iyawazithuvele." and "Awe Jesu wam awubheke ooNokuthula sekuma namadoda kusekuncane, akufebi kwenzokunye"


14. Have at least one neighbour that " was almost a kwaito star"


15. Spend the car insurance money on everything,
EXCEPT getting the dent fixed.


16. Invite co-workers and all of their friends to
their child's christening party, which happens to have a professional DJ, alcohol but only about 3 kids and 50 adults in attendance.


17. Have children who are great singers and dancers,but falling behind in school.


18. Will drive a Lexus, Merc, BMW or Jaguar AND live in a bachelor flat or rent a house or ARE STILL staying with their Mom.


19. Come over to your house at 8:00 in the morning to "borrow" a cup of sugar.


20. Will pull up in the church car park blasting out Mandoza on their stereo.


21. Will display the labels in designer suits to wear to a class reunion and try to return it the next day after spilling beer on it, only to tell the sales person it didn't fit.


22. Will have on a new outfit every time you see them,but when you ask them for the money they owe you they always say,"Don't have it."


23. Play R 100 worth of lottery numbers a week but won't invest in the stock& shares. (It's tooooo risky!!)

Yeah dude, Don't feel offended it's a black thing!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 03:21 AM

A man walks into a drug store with his 8-year old son. They happen to walk by the condom display, and the boy asks, "What are these, Dad?" To which the man replies, "Those are called condoms, son.... Men use them to have safe sex."

"Oh I see", replied the boys pensively. "Yes, I've heard of that in health class at school." He looks over the display and picks up a package of 3 and asks, "Why are there 3 in this package." The dad replies, "Those are for high school boys. One for Friday, one for Saturday, and one for Sunday."

"Cool!" says the boy. He notices a 6 pack and asks, "Then who are these for?" "Those are for college men." the dad answers, "TWO for Friday, TWO for Saturday, and TWO for Sunday."

"WOW!" exclaimed the boy, "then who uses THESE?" he asks, picking up a 12 pack. With a sigh, the dad replied, "Those are for married men. One for January, one for February, one for March.... and
so on "
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 10:45 PM

mabili hk hk hk yikubulawa yindlala lokhu, kufane bedinge intombazana ezithandi into zazo njengale eyayi tema ipipi ngalezi izibongo, kwaze kwabanzima phansi laphezulu hk hk hk

DEAR PIPI,

PIPI ELIDE WENA OHLABANAYO
WENA MAKHI WEMIZI YABANTU
WENA MAKHI WABANTWANA
DELA OWAZI UYIHLO NONYOKO
DELA OWAZI UMSUKA WAKHO
ENGABE ONGOWAKUPHI NGEMPELA ISIBONGO

PIPI NDINI, PIPI NDINI
UDINGA UKUHLONISHWA NGEMPELA
UGWAZA MAQEDA WEHLE UMJULUKO
OTHI UMA USITHELA THINA BESIFAZANE
SIKHALE UBU MAYEMAYE
SIKHALE UBUQANDUQANDU

HAYI UMNANDI MFOKA MUDEMUDE
KUDE NGISHO UMFUSHANE UYAKWAZI UKUSEBENZA
USHAYE OMNCANE USHAYE NESALUKAZE
SONKE SIKHALA NGENDLELA EYODWA

HALALA MAPIPANA, NGIVAKASHELE NJALO.


INTOKAZI EZIFELAYO NGEPIPI

HK HK HK, yayimhambe kuhle udade hk hk <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/05/04 11:14 PM

gpn gpn gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 12:34 AM

Lapha Mabila bakuphe i-challenge ngu Ntombenhle:
From 12 condoms to pipi...........gpn majita <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 11:19 PM

Hatshi Kwazi mina akusi challenge ngitsho. Nanzelela ukuthi ekadade ngeyesintu, ikhukhumeza ublakie.Le eyami eye twelve pack ngeyabelungu suggesting bayadonda <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> Guess ukuthi sizakuya ngaphi?
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 12:26 PM

hk hk hk. Viva Ntombi! Viva Mabila! Je suis tres contente.

I suggest the use of ibala elithi, ubongani, ubolo, injibobo rather than ipipi ngoba ipipi (intshompi, igwayi, ipenseli, umqwayi) ngeyaba ntwana. hk hk hk.

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 02:01 PM

viiiiiivaaaa Ntombe; kodwa watch out one day izakufikela kuhle i pipi yakho leyo.uzayikhohlwa i poem le..gpn gpn gpn

mabili,kwazimina, mkhankaso,ntombenhle,dokotela; bengifuna ukuli-rate ngehluleka ngenxa yokuhleka kakhulu...hk hk hk.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 02:08 PM

I substitute yomfazi
eyinye itshomi yathi."ngikhumbula ngiqalisa uku substitute umfazi ngotshwala."
umngane wakhe wabuza ukuthi kwenzanjani manje.

itshomi yathi, "aah, ubongani wami wavuka wabanjelwa phakathi kwembodlela yotshwala".
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 02:09 PM

Premature Ejaculation Problems

One day a guy with premature ejaculation problems went to a doctor.

The doctor said, "Whenever you feel the urge to ejaculate, startle yourself." So he went out and bought a starter pistol. When he got home his wife was naked in bed ready fo him. So they got in the 69 position and started at it. When he felt the urge he fired the pistol. The next day he went to the doctor and the doctor asked him how it went
He said, "Not to good. My wife bit off three inches of my dick, shit in my face and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands up, naked."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 08:22 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> ASAZI
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 09:24 PM

Dabuka,

When you start rating abanye don't forget to list yourself first. This colomn wouldn't be the same without your 'stitchifying' pieces of lies, keep them rolling kumnandi ukuba ngumntakaMthwakazi.

Kanti UMtongenakudla nya?

Kuthiwa eyiRambo yatshutsha ku-training isuka eBig Bhawa ingela ma-boots yakhangela umfana emdelelayo yasiboleka ama-boots kuMakwinji.
UMakwinji wathi kalawo amanye eyiRambo yathi,
"Wena kawulandaba lama-boots singakucelela i-helmet ka-mawobho angithi uvele usebenzisa ikhanda."

--------------------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/06/04 09:28 PM

Kwazi mina, wangibulala mpintshi!! kangazi ukuthi uMakwinji engayithanda yini leyi ndaba engayizwa hk hk GPN
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/07/04 01:25 PM

Dear kuku

Kuku omnandi wena obuthakathaka
Wena mginyi we mthondo yabobaba
Wena ntubandini muzi woluju
Bayajabula abaku hwabithayo
Bayajabula abazi umdabuko wakho
Ungu ma bani ke wena Kuku

We Kukundini, Sibumbundini
Udingwa ukuhlonitshwa ngempela
Uginya umthondo uwulume uze uthambe
Udliwa ngobaba baze bagomele BACHAME!
Ziya phuma izinkomo ezibayeni
Ziya phuma izimali ema banga
Ngenxa yakho nje Kukundini
Ayaphela amavili ezimota zamadoda
Awelimifula elezingwenya amadoda
Kulandwa wena zwi kuku sitho sabomama

Hayi, abukho ubunandi obedlula wena KUKU
Ungu fishi kodwa kawu bolanga
Uyashisa uyafudumala ulixhiba lesizwe
Bonke abangena kuwe belenkani beqinile
Baphuma sebebuthaka thaka bethambile
Inhlanyelo kababa intshungubala kuwe
Kodwa kuwe kuphuma umuntu ogcweleyo!

Bayethe Kuku Sibumbu semtin' zebhedi
Ulamagama amanengi, Bayethe KUKUNDINI

Ijaha elizafela phakathi kwekuku ngoba lavela laphuma khona!
Posted by: YIMI-Kai-ONE

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/07/04 01:51 PM

BHUDAZA UNGMBULALI SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/07/04 03:33 PM

Umaloba li nkondlo yamhlabekisa ngempela iKuku gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/07/04 06:29 PM

Ya! Bhudaza wazewayitema impuma bantu wena. Ngikutshayela ihlombe mfowethu ngomsebenzi omuhle kangaka! Engathi ungaqhubeka ubuya lazo ngekuku funa lezit.abane zingabona ukuba zikhutha ubunandi obungakanani zintshintshe lazo ububhinya bazo zibe ngabantu njengathi sonke. Bhudaza, leyi nkondlo qualifies for i-Nobel Prize.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 12:32 PM

Siyabonga Bhudi. Inkondlo yakho ngizayi phrinta ngi namathisele emdulini. Ngizabe ngiyi bizabiza imihla ngemihla, kuthi ngelanga lapho ngizathola khona leyo kuku, ngiqale ngiyi teme. Ngiyeteme ngigiya ngibambe umkhonto wami (ubongani).

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: SINATHAMAHEWU

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:17 PM

Bhuza

hk hk hk hk hk

Bayethe kuku <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />

yona izodabul' amadoda izinto! hk hk hk
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:22 PM

penis is better than a credit card


coz its accepted world wide


auto realod,


no limit on usage


needs no authorisation


no need to swipe


just wipe after use
Posted by: YIMI-Kai-ONE

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:27 PM

A mans life is difficult to understand,

AT BIRTH HE STRUGGLES HARD TO GET OUT OF THE VAGINA,
AND SPENDS THE REST OF HIS LIFE TRYING TO GET INTO THE VAGINA,WHAT A SHAME;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;; <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:30 PM

Man meets ex girlfriends new hubby.(coz he stil fancied the girl, but the girl was no longer intrested, he thinks its best to upset the new hubby. so he goes to him and asks ''how is it like using second hand goods?. The hubby replies only the first 3inches had been used but the rest was still new
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:35 PM

''How much does a fuck costs'' Bob asks a whore.
'' If your dick is as long as your reign and your fuck is long like u fucked the economy. its free
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 04:35 PM

''How much does a fuck costs'' Bob asks a whore.
'' If your dick is as long as your reign and your fuck is long like u fucked the economy. its free
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/08/04 08:17 PM

Bhudaza, Bhura!!!

gpn, gpn, vele wohle ufake ama copy rights kunkondlo le!! <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 12:54 PM

bhudaza, hhayi mfethu you are abusing imbambo zethu....................mkhankaso lawe wenza kube worse, uthi YIMPUMA MUNTU....gpn gpn gpn. Ayi angilankani.

Fohloza,Yimi-kai-one, you are fast tracking into the top five list.Dade mabili, watch out,ziyabuya these days.
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> laze langibulala
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 01:04 PM

Questions from Zimbabwe

Qtn: What is the closest thing to a woman's period.
Ans: Her salary. It comes once a month, last 4 or 5 days, and if it doesnt come at all, she is f****
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 01:08 PM

Dabukamhlaba is driving down a country road, when he spots Chinotimba standing in the middle of a huge grass field (seemingly for more than a month). Dabuka pulls the car over to the side of the road and notices that Chinos is just standing there, doing nothing, looking at nothing.

Dabuka gets out of the car, walks all the way out to Chinos and asks him, "Ah excuse me mister, but what are you
doing?"

Chinos replies, "I'm trying to win a Nobel Prize."

"How?" asks Dabuka, puzzled.

"Well, I heard they give the Nobel Prize . . . to people who
are out standing in their field."
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 04:09 PM

Baba sicela ukuthi usithethelele amacala ethu yize singenawo njengoba wazi kahle nawe ukuthi akusithina esibulele lomlungu uJesu owayezele
ukuzofela abantu bonke emhlabeni. Lomlungu wabulawa abelungu abanye ngokumbethela
esiphambanweni. Futhi akusithina esimthengisile lomlungu baba -wathengiswa ngu Judas iSkariot ongumlungu naye. Akusithina esamphika
ukuthi siyamazi - waphikwa ngu Simon Petro ongumlungu naye futhi. U Petro kanye no Judas akusibona iziNzula ngoba kuyaziwa ezweni lonke ukuthi thina amaZulu asinawo amagama anjengalowo.Amagama ethu ngoLindiwe, oNomsa,
oSipho,oVusi oNonhlanhla,oThemba,kanye noBheki.
Konke lokhu kwenzeka eJerusalem futhi ngethemba ukuthi uyazi nawe baba ukuthi lendawo ikude kunathi futhi asiyazi.Izindawo esizaziyo kahle
ukusuka le kwaZulu Natala kuyofika le egoli nokuphindiela emuva.

Njengoba nawe ubona ke Nkululukulu ukuthi yinto yabelungu le -Baba siyacela ngegama lakho elingwcele ukuthi ungasifaki thina abeZulu ezintweni esingazazi ngoba thina abodaki asingeni neze neze kulendaba. Siyakucela ke Baba
uNkulunkulu uthi usikhiphe kulendaba . Kuze kube ngunaphakade naphakade AMEN !!!.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 05:57 PM

3 good manners of male penis.

1)Courteous - it stands before performing.
2)Emotional - it cries during the performance.
3)Polite - it bows down after the performance.
Posted by: mathimula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/09/04 10:56 PM

Unkulunkulu wathi eqeda ukulungisa i mbumbuluza yabafazi, wahlala phansi waphumula . wasesithi......

BAFANA!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ngizalisetha
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 04:38 AM

Bafowethu.

A school class in session:
Teacher, "7 minus 2"
Class, "5"

Teacher, "5 minus 7"
Class, "It can't"

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 03:57 PM

ayi mathimulala wathi nankukudla bantwabami thaphuzani njenge sun jam <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 06:31 PM

KULIQINISO NA?

ZIMBABWEAN MAN
1st week : Too much loving
2nd week : Marriage
3rd week : Permanent citizenship
4th week : His whole family moves in with you, arriving one per week.

NIGERIAN MAN
1st week : A journey to a certain town but leaves you in the car
2nd week : Going together to the post office to fetch a parcel
3rd week : Caught in a road block with drugs and a suspected parcel
4th week : Jailed together

GHANAIAN MAN
1st week : Moves into your flat/house
2nd week : Brings friends to your flat/house
3rd week : Promises marriage
After 4 years: Leave the country to go back to his wife

XHOSA MAN
1st week : Too honest and loving
2nd week : Not available
3rd week : Promises to visit tomorrow (which is of course lies)
4th week : See him with another girl and hear he's already paid lobola for her

AMERICAN MAN
1st week : Takes you out for dinner
2nd week : Buys books to read & hire videos
3rd week : Misses his family
4th week : Goes back to America & will keep on sending e-mails and postcards (forever)

JAMAICAN
1st week : Plays reggae music for you
2nd week : Smokes dagga until you get used to the smell
3rd week : Dreadlocks your hair
4th week : Talks about Bob Marley until YOU decide to leave him

GERMAN
1st week : Takes you to the gym & zoo
2nd week : Takes you to the tattoo shop
3rd week : Buys you dressing rings for fingers and toes
4th week : Leaves the country to join the army

ZULU/SWAZI MAN
1st week : Too much loving and caring
2nd week : Takes you to bed and insist you do it without a condom.
3rd week : Always busy so HE will call you.
10th Month : Doesn't wanna hear anything about the kid.

NDEBELE MAN
1st week : He spends for you, & takes care of you
2nd week : Pays Lobola and marries you
3rd week : Takes you to Mpumalanga so you can clean/wash & cook for
his family until you decide enough is enough, you're too old for his sh*t

PEDI/TSWANA MAN
1st week : Charm you by buying you roses & chocolates
2nd week : He gets you pregnant and promise to marry you
10 Months : He tells you he's got other kids ko Pietersburg/Rustenburg / Botswana
therefore he can't afford to have another kid
1 year : He changes his cell number and you never see him again.

VENDA / SHANGAAN MAN
1st week : Too loving, honest and caring
2nd week : Buys you everything you ever need (he would buy you a train if he could)
3rd week : Promises to marry you and be his second or third wife if
you can have his child
12 Months: (If you happen to fall pregnant and agree to the
condition above) he will take you home to his mother and leave you there
to take care of his family and your baby (and be pissed off with his
other possessives wives), but never stops supporting you financially.

AFRIKANNER MAN
1st week : Be his partner to the matric dance
2nd week : Takes you to the movies with his father's car and to meet your parents
2 Months: Go to the NG Kerk and get married and be seen on the
local newspaper (by the way, a week before, he was seen hanging around
naked with a board around his neck saying that he's getting married)
After 2 years: You're getting divorced, leaves you with two kids
and Go out with a woman twice his age, and suddenly commits suicide .

SOUTHERN SOTHO MAN
1st week : Upfront and sweet..............no manga-manga business.
2nd week : You discover that he is a phathological liar, difficult
to figure out though.
3rd week : Confront him about his lies............he goes "KE TLA HO ROHAKA O NYELE, MOSIMA MMAO TOWE! HA KE YA TLELA HO TLA JOWA GAUTENG
MONA!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 06:47 PM

A six year old girl came to her mother and said "Mom, I was summersaulting and jumping at school." The mother said cooly "never jump infront of boys they will see your panties and it is not good."

The following day the girl said, "Mom, I jumped again and I really opened my legs so wide." the mum said "what did I tell you yesterday about jumping infront of boys?"
The small girl smiled and said "this time I was careful." "What did you do?" asked mum.

"I removed the panties first!"
<img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 07:24 PM

DEFINITIONS
Cigarette
A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with fire at one end & a fool
at the other.

Love affairs
Something like cricket where one-day internationals are more
popular than a five day test.

Marriage
It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a
woman gains her master

Divorce
Future tense of marriage

Politician
One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence
after.

Doctor
A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you with his
bills
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/10/04 08:24 PM

Ukuthi eyethu ishati rumu kambe ingehluleka hk hk hk

Subject: The Modern Version of "the birds and the bees"

SON:

Daddy, how was I born?

DAD:

Ah, well, my son, one day you will need to find out anyway! Mom and Dad got together in a chat room on MSN. Dad set up a date via e-mail with your mom and we met at a cyber caf?. We sneaked into a secluded room, and then your mother downloaded from dad's memory stick. As soon as dad was ready for an upload, we discovered that neither one of us had used a firewall. Since it
was too late to hit the delete button, nine months later the blessed little virus appeared.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/11/04 01:21 AM

gpn gpn l see kukhanya there has been a creation of isection kabongani and imbumbuluza..okay lami sokuzamele ngingene lapha.
uDabuka wakhula kudala amaveti engakabuyi lezikhindi..one day eyiDabuka izisengela uNdumekazi esibayeni ilomzukulu wayo uBabodwa,phela uBabodwa nguye owayetshaya ithole ukuthi lingamunyi...nango ubongani kaDabuka empunyuka kukabhudula ehlaba phansi ngekhanda...uBabodwa wethuka,wathi,Khulu Dabuka lidla umquba,ikhulezi yagamula ukuthi maybe umafana uthi ithole lidla umlotha....nanso ikhulezi isithi,"livathuze Babo lingadli umquba",uBabo kasaluvathuzanga nje ubondidi lukakhulu wahle waqhatsha.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/11/04 02:27 AM

Sirimula uhambe kokuphela uzokona lapha gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/11/04 11:25 PM

gpn gpn Sirimula, awuyenzi mfo. Ungi cuyile mfo, nge njibobo encamuza umquba. hk hk. Ha ha ha nk nk nk...

Impabanga kabongani yayisi ngeje phakade, kumbramo we nkosi.

You are officially banned lapha mfowethu, further violation will lead subject to intensive-care unit.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/11/04 01:31 PM

wena siru ngizakuwela ngempandula uyewela duzane le zumba-maramba-pfungwe nxa udelela.

gpn gpn gpn ....ayi kodwa ungihlephuna imbambo mfanami.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/11/04 01:43 PM

Umntwana (Qamuka) engihlolela.

Son(Qamuka): Father, Can I ask you a question?

Dabuka: Ok ask.

Qamuka: When a doctor doctors a doctor, does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as the doctor being doctored wants to be doctored or does the doctor doing the doctoring doctor as he wants to doctor.

Dabuka: !!!??????!!!?????nxxxx, kufuze bani unina elisela kangaka.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/12/04 07:24 AM

Bafowethu.

Teacher: "John, can you spell BANANA."

John: "B-A-N-A-N-A-N-A-N ? ? ? !!! I dont know when to stop."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/12/04 10:07 AM

HELL IN UGANDA

A man dies & goes to hell. There he finds that there is a different hell for each country and decides he'll pick the least painful to spend his eternity. He goes to Germany hell & asks, "what do they do here?" He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour. Then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. Then the German devil comes in and whips you for the rest of the day". The man does not like the sound of that at all so he moves on.

He checks out the USA hell as well as the Russian hell and many more. He discovers that they are all similar to the German hell. Then he comes to the Ugandan hell and finds that there is a long line of people waiting to get in... Amazed, he asks, "What do they do here?"

He is told "first they put you in an electric chair for an hour, then they lay you on a bed of nails for another hour. The Uganda devil comes in & whips you for the rest of the day." But that is exactly the same as all the other hells why are there so many people waiting to get in?" asks the man.

"Because there is never any electricity so the electric chair does not work. The nails were paid for but never supplied, so the bed is comfortable to sleep on. And the Ugandan devil used to be a civil servant, so he comes in, signs his time sheet and goes back home for private business."
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/12/04 12:59 PM

A man was in his front yard mowing grass when Chinos the neighbour came out of the house and went straight to the mail box. He opened it then slammed it shut stormed back in the house. A little later he came out of his house again went to the mail box and again opened it, slammed it shut again. Angrily, back into the house he went.

As the man was getting ready to edge the lawn, here he came out again, marched to the mail box, opened it and then slammed it closed harder than ever.

Puzzled by his actions the man asked Chinos, 'Is something wrong?'

To which he replied, 'There certainly is! My stupid computer keeps saying, 'YOU'VE GOT MAIL'
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/13/04 11:33 PM

uDumani lo wangakwakhe are having hard financial time,
so they decide that umfazi abengumahotsha
She's not quite sure what to do, ngakho uDumani wathi kumabina wakhe,
"Stand in front of that bar
and pick up a guy. umtshele ukuthi ukuhlaba kuyi hundred bucks. If
you've got a question,
I'll be parked around the corner uzwante tshopas uzebuza kimi la".

She's out there five minutes when a guy pulls up
and asks, "How much?"

She says, "A hundred dollars".

He says, "Shit. All I've got is thirty".

She says, "Hold on".

She runs back to Dumani and says, "uthi ule thirty maphepha manje ngenzeni?"

uDumani wathi lowo ngumsebenzi wezandla umtshayise ithalaza ngesandla sakho kuphela

She runs back and tells the guy all he gets for
thirty dollars is a hand
job.

He says, "okay".

She gets in the car, he unzips his pants and out
pops ubongani womhlaba omnyama othe tshu olemisipha sipha ebhaya <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />


She stares at it for a minute and then says, "I'll
be right back".

She runs back around the corner and says
breathlessly, "Dumani ungamboleka i seventy bucks yini undoda lowana?.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/13/04 02:56 PM

hk hk Soweto, ifokolo lena ibhaya mpintshi yam. gpn gpn hk hk.

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/13/04 04:53 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> ayibhoza wena soweto
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/13/04 11:13 PM

Somewhere in the darkest depths of Africa there lived a lone white missionary. One day, he gets invited to the chief's kraal where he finds the chief grinding a huge axe popularly known as ibhewula. The chief tells the missionary that inkosazane ebizithwele ibelethe umntwana ongumlungu, kungakho njengoba umfundisi kunguye yedwa umlungu kulowo mango, hayi manje kusazodabuka ibhulugwe kumbe umlenze usazoqhasha.

Umlungu: </font>
  • <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Nkosi, wena yaz'ima mbijaan so. Khangela lapho kalomadlelo kawena wena yaz'bona all sheep are white except one...</font></li>
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
Chief: </font>
  • <font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Howu, mamela bo! Xola mnakwethu. You say nothing, I say nothing!</font></li>
<font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/14/04 01:57 AM

Bafowethu.

Soweto, wena Soweto! Ngizakubizela amapholisa.

Teacher: "What is a vacuum?"

Student: "It is the absence of everything."


Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/15/04 12:36 PM

INCWADI KAMAGOGRAN

Dear Friend,

The other day I went up to a local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by a thunderous prayer meeting, so I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did! What an uplifting experience followed!

I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good He is...and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed! I found that LOTS of people love Jesus!

While I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of GOD! GO! GO! Jesus Christ, GO!"

What an exuberant cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking! I just leaned out of my window and started waving and smiling at all these loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!

There must have been a man from Florida back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach"... I saw another guy waving in a funny way with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked my teenage grandson in the back seat what that meant, he said that it was probably a Hawaiian good luck sign or something.
Well, I've never met anyone from Hawaii, so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. My grandson burst out laughing ... he was enjoying this religious experience, too!

A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved to all my sisters and brothers grinning, and drove on through the intersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and I felt kind of sad that had to leave them after all the love we had shared, so I slowed the car down, leaned out of the window and gave them all the Hawaiian good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonderful folks!

Love,
Grandma
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/15/04 01:30 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> ngingahleki so bakithi!
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/15/04 05:40 PM

Soweto,skeem ungehluphinile,ungivathuzile topiza,ishayile inamba kabongani.....umasalamusi wagcwala ngobonditi olomsipha...gpn gpn gpn gpn,ngithemba wayidlithiza imbumbuluza umemmba nzemu...gpn gpn,wayidla ngesikwelede.
manje usungikhumbuze omunye umemba nzemu owazwata eroundini lami egcwala ngomangumba[isifebe],ngavaya laye eshalasti,nango umemba ejuma umangumba,thezu ngekhozizi[corner] umemba.umabina wathi faka igrama[$1000] udle ubusuku bonke,umemba inyuku yayingahlangani,so umemba wathi,"ngizafaka ikhanada[ikhanda] kuphela",uthe esafaka ikhanda kuphela,by mistake lami ngisithi ngiyatsora,diba labo,umemba wethuka wahle waphosela lonke ngesikwelede.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/15/04 09:30 PM

hk hk hk waluthela ngeskoyohoyi topi hk hk, vele wayibona ngaphi indazla yokuyansa ikopo ispana topi hanti lokhuyana yikuncenga nje kuphela laye umangunda uyabe enompola ukuthi izangeja, vele ayikho engakwaniyo..
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 04:40 AM

A Moslem and a Chicken
Ngesikhathi se-Ramadan, eyinye indoda yesi-Muslim yayisiqede 2 days ingadli, izincitsha (fasting). So yayijwayele ukuyakhulekela khatshana lomuzi wayo (about 10km). Kwathi ngelanga lesithathu unkalakatha esezaqeda i-fasting yakhe wacela unkosikazi wakhe ukubana ambisele ukudla egangeni lapho ayekhulekela khona ukuze adle eqeda kukhuleka njengoba iphango laselimbulele.

Mzwalokho unkalakatha wahamba 20 miles away from home since kwakuyi-last day lonkosikazi wayeyazi leyi ndawo. Unkosikazi wenza njengokutsho komkakhe wahambisa ukudla selibanga kuyatshona ele Nkosi (3pm). Ekufikeni wabeka ukudla about 10 metres away from unkalakatha lapho ayekhulekela khona, wabuyela ekhaya. Manje wasuka wasekhohlwa ukuvala ukudla unkosikazi. Umnunzana esadunusile njengoba lisazi ukuthi ama-Moslem akhuleka esukuma kokuphela, ebebona nanso inkukhu yeganga from nowhere, isilanda isikafu sakhe. Nango umoslem esiba distracted after 3 days of fasting. Ethi uyakhuleka "Allah, Allah rah,,,rah allah ti, tu mura rali rehi" whatever they say during umkhuleko, nanso inkukhu isiya ekudleni. Unkalakatha nango "Eyi, eyi, swa, swa" elabhula inkukhu ngesandla. Inkukhu ibaleke ime laphaya! unkalakatha eqalise umkhuleko wakhe "Allah, Allah, Allah ramu reh, thresi etc. nanso inkukhu futhi isiphendukile, "Eyi, eyi, eyi, swa, swa, swa. Inkukhu ibaleke. kwabanjalo mtshokotsho indoda yaze yaqeda ilanga ilabhulana lenkukhu (7pm).
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 09:36 AM

Ifokolo yoku ngejisa ikopo iyangi chamisela bloko, ipeshal' ma kuyi skoyihoyi awuvunyelwa ukutsora. Kumele udladlaze okuhambelana lo mtonyo. hk hk gpn.

Itakeaway layo ngenxa yoku chamsela ayizange ibe lendaba lokuthi usporo angejise umzilikazi kabongani.

Ungi gamulise elinye isarafina, langaDaa elabanjwa irazor (dlwengula) ngenye iimpintshi. Labanga umsila bloko (scream), ipipzen (abantu) yathutsha. Manje umasalamusi wayese chamiselwa bhaya, ngobongani owasedlalela esilakalakeni. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />

Wase wita kupipzen ukuthi ingasuphuni iimpintshi, bammekele ahle aqedise.

Wozani lazo! Khwampa! (from Siri)
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 02:51 PM

Hayi boh........Sibalukhulu abafana bes'chamutho siyababonga baziqalisela ikhasi labo lapha abangaphanjaniswa khona muntu ngolimi lwabo. Siyacela ukuthi badlalele khona nges'chamutho sabo ngoba ngiyabona sibili bayasithanda. Mina labanye abanengi kasisizwa lanxa nje sikhulele elokishini sibili, siyangeqa. Asisebenziseni sonke ulimi esilwaziyo ku general ngxoxo.
Khuza Sibalukhulu please...... <img border="0" title="" alt="[Frown]" src="images/icons/frown.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 09:24 PM

yikho bethola ama award awe least eloquence hk hk hk hk.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 09:30 PM

A South African is drinking in a New York bar when his cellphone rings. He hangs up grinning from ear to ear and orders a round for the whole bar announcing that his wife just gave birth to a 12kg baby boy. Nobody can believe the weight but the South african just shrugs and says, "We make em big back home folks. My boy?s typically South African". Congrats are showered on him and many exclamations of "WOW" are heard. One woman even faints due to sympathy pains. Two weeks later the South African returns to the same bar. Barman says "We were going to call you, everyone?s been making bets as to how much your 12kg son weighs now, soooooooooo how much does he weigh now?" The proud father answers that he now weighs 9kg?s. The barman is puzzled and concerned and asks "What happened, he already weighed 12kg on the day he was born". The South African father takes a slow swig from his long neck Castle beer, wipes his lips on his khaki shirt, leans proudly over to the bartender and says ........... "Had him circumcised boet"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 10:49 PM

A small girl walks into her parent's bedroom and finds her dad dressing.
She looks @ his dick and asks "dad whats that thing hanging between your
legs" the father says to her "I don't know, go and ask your mother". Later

that morning she goes to her mum and poses the question "mum, whats that
thing hanging between dad's legs?". Instead of explaining things to her
her mum lies "I don't know".

Two weeks after the incident the girls runs to meet her mum coming from
work and tells her "Mum you refused to tell me the name of that thing
hanging between dad's legs,but now I know".

Mum : What is it?
Girl : Its a toothbrush
Mum : (bursts laughing, then asks) How did u know? Girl : Becoz when I
went into your bedroom I saw the maid kneeling in front of dad brushing her
teeth and toothpaste was dropping down from her
mouth"...........................
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/16/04 11:05 PM

Mathematics lesson from Canada

Yesterday, I was passing by your rectangular house in Trigonometric lane.There I saw you with your cute circular face, conical nose and spherical eyes, standing in your triangular garden. Before seeing you my heart was
a null set, but when a vector of a particular magnitude from your eyes at a deviation of theta radians made a tangent to my heart, my heart
differentiated. My love for you is a quadratic equation with real roots,which only you can solve by making good binary relation with me. The
tangent of my love for you extends to infinity. I promise that I should not resolve you into partial fractions but if I do so, you can integrate me by applying the limits from zero to infinity. You are as essential to me as an element to a set. The geometry of my life revolves around your acute personality. My love, if you do not meet me at parabola restaurant
on date 10 at sunset, when the sun is making an angle of 160 degrees, my heart would be like a solved polynomial of degree 10.

With love from your higher order derivatives of maxima and minima, of an unknown function.

Who said Engineers cannot charm ladies?

You make my heart pump like a Turbo diesel engine.
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 08:51 AM

Hey Bilaz, wangibulala ngeka nana we-brush ka-Dad. hk hk GPN
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 09:17 AM

Hey bantu, kanti uYK1 usebone bani wamlandela? YK1 loba amazilo ungasawatholi uyavunyelwa ukuzoxoxa labanye!! hk hk! kumbe uzitholele okulixhegu okungelamazinyo nkazana!! GPN
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 10:16 AM

mabila ulibhoza wena <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 11:25 PM

Ngilobe ngabomo ngescamtho phezulu, ngoba ngiphendula impintshi ezikwazi iscamtho. Are you saying is it wrong ukuloba ngescamtho kubo?

Ngibona angthi kuqakathekile ukuxazulula ukuthi yikukhuluma iscamtho, kumbe ngumuntu owenelisa ukukhuluma iscamtho. Does that generically mean we are least eloquent people? Is this meant to be an attack to character or what? Explain yourselves sazi ukuthi litshoni? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 12:15 PM

zwanini la nxa lingagcwali ngevesi zabolova lingazosidina la, thina abanye asifundanga njalo sikhukhumalele enkomponi so what? Mina iscamtho ngiyasivathuza feya majimbosi kungcono kulokuzenza ivevane ngiwitfane isivietnam ngamakhala ngisenzela ukuthi ngiqakezelwa ngabo dabuka lezinye izifundiswa.

Olenyongo kazwante la ngimgabhise ngempandula
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 02:54 PM

This answers my question lapha, ungakhuluma isindebele esijiyileyo kuthiwa uyibhare, ukhulume isiZulu kuthiwa usezenza ngcono, ucam'the kuthiwa lisela kumbe kahloniphi...hey fokolo mani ngubani otshela abanye ukuthi benzeni this is not a nanny forumn singajwayelani lapha okhuluma okwakhe kenze, sonke siyafana lana oro kanjani bafethu we are not consevatives abalokhu behlohla amavesi kuma underware betreka amaJumper,this is the 3rd generation technology era ongafuniyo kayekele ayeyakha umuzi eMatopo nxa efuna ukuba liSRB THINA ABANYE SIZIBOYZ ZETONI.

Kanti Zikhuphani bathakathi? abanompoli ukuthi siyizinja thina, ma zithi paampam thina sithi verskoon my asseblief S'chamutho 's an Taal!

-------------------------------------------------
Every Gheto has a Lingo---------Bosso ngobongani <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 03:01 PM

Selisona already liyabona. Fakani iziqamulambambo sihleke thina kulokuporora elikwenzayo lapha. yanini ekhasini lenu elaziqalela lona lodwa lingacelwanga muntu please <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> !
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 03:40 PM

Ndlovukazi Mabila,

Ngibone benikana ama-prizes mina ngancitshwa eyokuba yi-Best Reader, akulandaba, sizabona next year.

What is marriage?

It is a sealed can, the top layer is two inches of honey and the rest of the stuff is shit, imagine what would happen if you opened it up-side down.


Or, it is a cage, those that are outside are longing and yearning to go in while those inside are scratching and scrambling to get out.


How about this: All marriages are colourful, blissful and happy, it is living together afterwards that is regretful. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />

---------------------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/17/04 03:42 PM

Awakapheli ungabi lamawala njengomchamo wotshawala!!!!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 11:50 PM

Following an intense and eventful ejaculation, a million sperms are furiously racing to catch the first most fertile female egg, when the lead sperm suddenly stops; " Hey hey hey!!! manin manin manini!!!! akula lapho esiyakhona mpintshi zam.....siphakakathi kwe khondomu"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 12:25 PM

asiwoni Mabila kodwa siwita ngalabo abafuna ukuzenza juice ngoba sebejayiva i breakdance yekelani thina esijayiva irabi sijayive irabi no smoko.

Otherwise azehle izqamulambambo...one time
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 03:13 PM

>There was a chicken and a horse playing together in a barnyard.

> Suddenly the horse falls into a pit. He yells to the chicken, "Go get
>the farmer, save me, save me!!!" The chicken goes looking for the
>farmer but can't find him.
>
> So he gets the farmer's BMW and drives it over to the mud pit, lassos
>the horse, ties it to the car and pulls him out. The horse says, "Thank
>you, Thank you, I owe you my life..." Then a couple days later they're
>playing again and this time the chicken falls into the mud pit and the
>chicken says, "Help me Help me!!! Go get the farmer!!!"
>
> So the horse says,
>
> "No
>
> No
>
> No,
>
> I think I can get you." The horse stretches across the mud pit and
>tells the chicken, "Grab onto my dick." The chicken grabs on, the
>horse stretches back, and the horse saves the chickens' life.
>
> So what's the moral of the story???
>
> If you have a dick the size of a horse then you don't need a BMW to
>pick up chicks.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 03:50 PM

My Dear Sir,

Re: APLICATION FOR MY JOB

I am aply to my job of security guard to you boss in you company of
Gweru Teachers College. I complete to Grade 7 examination certificate in 1997. I am 27
years to be born of age and no mallied and no childish. My father is dead long time ago and my mother mary in Swaziland country there 10 years now no see she so nobody known to help me. My certificat is just sitting home but passes in Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subjekts but fail in English because of Ndebele teacher teaching me is jelos of me. I here people you want security guards to you compan and I tell you I am one of that job experience for 2 years. I want to join the compan of you.

Please consider my aplicashen careful and call me any time because I
am red for interview. I am very hornest and can speak English free.

Please also great your wife for me.

I am your hornest servant.

Me.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 04:42 PM

SOWETO

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 06:07 PM

Soweto! Soweto Please ungasibulali so! Kwakungasu Chinotimba pho lundoda? hk hk GPN
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 07:00 PM

Nguye kanye usinotimba kungaba ngubani kambe hk hk hk
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 07:00 PM

Nguye kanye usinotimba kungaba ngubani kambe hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 07:41 PM

Omunye uClement(asylum seeker) wesiNdebeleni owake wadlala ibhokola wathi eseHeathrow sebesithi ndoda amanga akho lawa awaspani buyela,undoda wathalaza wacabanga ukuthi eish! amajida azangilaxa estayileni nxa ngingabhekspina wanwaya ikopo lucky enough kwaqhamuka amashona, lani liyawazi ayaklabalala,elokhu evalelisana undoda weqa wathi kumaimmigration hey did you here what they said,abantu bamangala uClement wathi I heard them they speak ****a language they said "clement is dead we will finish him in the plane",amabrinyonyo ahle athi ngeja esebona ukuthi lapha okuyatholakala khona untapretha wesishoti lowesindenge ukuthi bazo tolika kungathatha 2 yrs.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/18/04 08:04 PM

Soweto...gpn gpn kayidliwe imbumbuluza worse njani nxa ingeyeskoyihoyi uyidla ngefast track,uyidla ugijima...gpn gpn.Doc yiso yini istampa sakho memba nzemu...gpn gpn wawusidla ngeskoyihoyi...gpn gpn.mina ngiyifuna full tete,angiyincanywa ngisemjahweni.gpn gpn.sebefikile abafana ababiza amamafia,siphethe amV-9...gpn gpn
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 12:50 AM

soweto ngeyakho incwadi leyo.ngiyakhumbula ukuthi wayibhala siqeda u fomu 4 hk hk hk hk, usufuqela usinotimba
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 11:58 PM

Dabuka topi hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 12:35 PM

hk hk Soweto, ifokolo lena ingi bulele bloko. hk hk gpn. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 04:02 PM

<img src="http://img64.exs.cx/img64/8592/fight1.gif" alt=" - " />

Mugaxa and Tshwangisoni, babanga ubukhosi
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 05:54 PM

Zamnandi izaguru kade sazicina bantu <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 06:07 PM

Dokotela, phakathi kobabili, indebele yiliphi? phela kumele omunye wabo abale*****. hk hk
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 06:09 PM

Omunye wabo kumele abeli svi.na kanti i-computer iyakhohlwa ukuthi lathi sihlakaniphile njengayo hk hk
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 06:48 PM

Doc ushayile lova...omemba nzemu bebethezulana butshapha..gpn gpn..umemba nzemu wered bamkhaba umdifara blind waspina kadaah..ingihlanyisile s'gelekeqe.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 08:26 PM

The Chatty Wife


A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir."

The driver says, "Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating."

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: "Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control."

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, "Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?"

The wife smiles demurely and says, "You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did."

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched
teeth, "Darn it, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?"

The officer frowns and says, "And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine."

The driver says, "Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my
back pocket."

The wife says, "Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving."

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, "WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP??"

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, "Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?"


I love this part....


Only when he's been drinking."
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/19/04 08:46 PM

Utshayile Doc <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
--------------------------------------------------
What makes 100%?

What does it mean to give more than 100%?Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants to give over 100%. How about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these questions:

If: A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11=98%

And,

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5=96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5=100%

And

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20=103%

And, look how far asskissing will take you

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7=118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty tha while HARDWORK and KNOWLEDGE will get you close and ATTITUDE will get you there, it's the BULLSHIT and ASSKISSING that will put you over the top.

-------------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/20/04 09:32 AM

kwazimina lo dokotela liyatshaya <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/20/04 11:15 PM

Kwazi! Shoo mfethu , Uyabona ukuthi kungani i Signetsha yami kumele ithole imiklomelo. Yiyo yodwa ele 100%.

So i declare myself (doc) as winner of Best Signatsha awadi for this yee.

Thanks mfethu ngokuveza obala ngombhalo wakho phezulu la. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Cool]" src="images/icons/cool.gif" />
Posted by: Dinga

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/20/04 12:02 PM

1. Mcuphe Umfazi(finish and klaar).
2. Mdlise ezwe wena wedwa vo!
3. Akalahle bonke abangane bakhe.
4. Mfihlele inombolo yakho yaseBank.
5. Makahlale egqoko iphinifa, uma sekuyolalwa angadilozi(i.e undilosed).
6. Uma kwenzeka uphunyuka (ushipha), makaxolise yena, hayi wena ndoda
yamadoda.
7. Umholo wakhe makawunike wena wonke, wazini ngemali yena.
8. Angaphinde aye kubo.
9. Unina, uyise, abafowabo bangalubhadi kwakho futhi bangazi nokuthi
nihlalaphi.
10. Ukudla makungezi kuwena sekuphakiwe.
11. Uma sikuvakashele thina bangani bakho akabaleke azivalele ekamelweni
size sihambe.
12. Angajwayeli ukusineka.
13. Kufanele akubize ngoBaba ngasosonke isikhathi.
14. Mshaye ngenkunzimalanga yempana kungonakele lutho khona, yikhona
ezophaphama.
15. I-Revolving credit oshade ngayo ikhokheni nobabili.
16. Mxoshe uma ethi sincane isitho sakho; imihlola yini sincane uma
esiqhathanisa nesikabani.
17. Angalokothi agibele ngaphezulu, ubufebe lobo,wafundiswa ubani?
18. Angalokhu ekhonkothana nawe endlini ebuzana nezinto ezingathi shu.
Ukwedelela lokho.
19. Umfazi uyohlale engumfazi, iNdoda iyohlale iyindoda.
19. Uma usufile wena, sosala simnuka ngokufa kwakho, yini kufe Wena kuqala
kusale yena.
Uma emsulwa, omunye wethu uzomngena.
21. Umfazi kufuneka akwazi kahle kumcacele futhi and akwamukele ukuthi
kungase kwenzeke izingane zomakhelwane zifane nawe
22. Unelungelo lokulamanisa noma inini uma uthanda noma ikuphi ndoda
yamadoda. Lelo yilungelo lakho kwi Constitution
23. Abafazi bayingozi bangakushiya noma nini,ukuze uphephe kulokhu,
thola umfazi wesibili ndoda yamadoda.
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/21/04 07:26 AM

There she was,so beautiful and big
I touched her soft breasts and squezed them until milk came out......Yes this was tha first time I milked a cow !!!!!

The difference is tha same.thathi cover !
Posted by: Sdudla

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/21/04 06:12 PM

APPLICATION TO GO OUT/RETURN LATE

Name: ?????????????????????????????..

I request permission for a leave of absence from my marital home for the following period:

Date:????? ?. Time Of Departure:????? Time Of Return:??????


Should permission be granted, I do solemnly swear to visit locations stated below. Nor shall I speak to another female other than those listed without gaining oral permission to do so from my better half. Nor shall I consume above the allocated volume of alcohol without first phoning for a taxi or ordering a tandori. I understand that even if permission is granted my wife retains the right to be pissed off with me the following day for no valid reason whatsoever.

Amount of alcohol allowed (units) : ??????????????????.

Locations likely to be visited: ?????????????????????
?????????????????????.
?????????????????????.

Females likely to be encountered: ?????????????????????
?????????????????????


Strength of curry permitted: ????????????????????..


I am a low life. I know who wears the trousers in our home, and it ain?t me. I promise to abide by your rules and regulations. I understand that this is going to cost me a fortune in Cadbury?s Roses and Flowers. You reserve the right to obtain and use my credit cards in my absense. I hereby promise not to sleep overnight on a park bench next to a tramp. On my way home I will not pick a fight with a person who only exists in my inebriated mind, nor shall I conduct in depth discussions with the said entity.

I declare to the best of my knowledge (of which I have none) the above information is correct:

Signed:??????????????.


Request is APPROVED / TURNED DOWN

This decision is not open to negotiation other than on my terms.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Permission for my Husband to be away for the period

Date: ????? Time of Departure: ???????? Time of Return: ??????

Signed:???????????????
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/22/04 09:03 PM

Yah! S'dudla ungene lazo enkundleni, this is exactly what most families are missing. I have already copied the form and given it an official number FAM 2004/01. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/23/04 01:11 PM

ENGLISH WOMEN
First date: You get to kiss her goodnight.
Second date: You get to grope all over and make out.
Third date: You get to have sex but only in the missionary
position.

IRISH WOMEN
First Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
Second Date: You both get blind drunk and have sex.
20th Anniversary: You both get blind drunk and have sex.

ITALIAN WOMEN:
First Date: You take her to a play and an expensive restaurant.
Second Date: You meet her parents and her Mom makes spaghetti &
meatballs.
Third Date: You have sex, she wants to marry you & insists on a
3-carat ring. 5th Anniversary: You already have 5 kids together
&
hate the thought of having sex.
6th Anniversary: You find yourself a girlfriend.

JEWISH WOMEN:
First Date: You get dynamite head.
Second Date: You get more great head.
Third Date: You tell her you'll marry her and never get head
again.


CHINESE WOMEN:
First date: You get to buy her an expensive dinner but nothing
happens. Second date: You buy her an even more expensive dinner.
Nothing happens again. Third date: You don't even get to the
third
date and you already realized nothing is going to happen.

INDIAN WOMEN
First date: Meet her parents.
Second date: Set the date of the wedding.
Third date: Wedding night.

BLACK WOMEN
First Date: You get to buy her a real expensive dinner.
Second Date: You get to buy her and her girlfriends a real
expensive
dinner. Third Date: You get to pay her rent.
Tenth Date: She's pregnant by someone other than you.

MEXICAN WOMEN
First Date: You buy her an expensive dinner, get drunk on
Tequila,
and have sex in the back of her car.
Second Date: She's pregnant.
Third Date: She moves in. One week later: her mother, father,
his
girlfriend, her two sisters, her brother, all of their kids,
her grandma, her father's girlfriend's mother, her two cousins,
her
sister's
boyfriend and his three kids move in and you live on
rice and beans for the rest of your life in your home that used
to
be nice, but now looks like a home along the Rio Grande.
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/23/04 05:53 PM

Hooosh guluva,ziwangani magents lama gentskazi,Mina ngiyi swiii,ngiz'blomele just !!
Soweto ngiyakuzwa topi,itrick indaba yankhona,ungathi uzama ukuyibamba iyathi sobe ,kuhlekube yimvengemvenge.
Bantu bonke ngilombuzo ??????.liyizwa njani indaba kaSowetho,.......asiyihlaziyeni siyiqhage ngezandla, walala walimala,wavuka wasala !!
Bathi yintsoro mina ngithi yiplani

Inqhobe sezikuwe, elami seliyinaridi ebandla.

Munati Kill me !!!!!.....iyoooo..if yu can't beat them,Join them !!!! JUST !
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/24/04 05:53 PM

Omunye umfana wabona ikona wakona !
Omunye wabonibhasi wamisa wagada !
Abanye labobabona opopayiyi bahleka !


Yuh juss never know what ulova iz thinkin'.....Livesi lesdindi bafowethu labodadewethu.
Ongafuniyo thathi cover ngoba ngizakushapeli round ngikuvathabule ngeshort,ng'qeda lapha sixoxe !!!!!!!!!!!!

Ngiyalincantsha lonke.......
Ubhare pansi uclever phezulu.
Itete lami selivintshwe ngukati...second half balaleli.
Konke lokhu ngilenzela mahara,ang'libhadalisi !!!!...ngiyanithanda nonke !
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/24/04 06:03 PM

I just cannot help laughing


* Regular naps prevent old age... especially if you take them while driving.

* Having one child makes you a parent; having two makes you a referee...

* Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and the other is the husband!

* I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they wanted cash...

* A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've purchased new school uniforms.

* Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you cannot live without... but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

* You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it...

* True friends stab you in the front.

* Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired.

* Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

* They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom gets to speak
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/25/04 02:27 PM

Gono mania is in town!! Check out some of the Gono inspired names people are giving to their newly-born babies:
Homelink Shoniwa
Diaspora Gava
Gideon Chedu
Economy Kubvoruno
Remittance Nyika
Externalisation Maisiri
Corporate Governance Mazai [C. G. Mazai]
Gavhunah Mukuru
Regulation Murongazvinhu
Reserve Makwiramiti
Policy Review Mlauzi
Forex Sawaka
Turnaround Kativhu
Devaluation Magaisa
Inflation Chabvundura
Omo Mavuka
Target Museve
Central Bank Chidawa
Reduction Motsi
Inflows Banda
Auction Mambo
Rate Mugove
Arabhizeti Zharare
Cyclone Phiri
Value Randazha
Liquidity Mahlanga
Liquidation Gwenzi
Floor Chimuse
Asset Maneja Chipunza
Curator Muponda
Economic-Recovery Chuma
Outreach Tanyanyiwa
Sector Mutimmirema
Vendetta Jiri
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/25/04 04:08 PM

hk hk Soweto uyangi qeda mfo. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/26/04 01:23 AM

Bafowethu.

Soweto, Soweto!!!!!!!

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/26/04 02:28 PM

Bad luck!

A woman's husband had been sliping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she stayed by his bedside evry single day. When he came to, he mentioned to come nearer.

As she sat by him, he said, "Uyazi na? You have been with me all through bad times. when i got fired, you were there to support me. Ibhizimusi lami li tshabalala, you were there. When i got shot, you were by my side. When we lost the house, you gave me support. When my health started failing, you were still by my side.. Uyazi na?"

"Ukuthini s'thandwa?" Shesaid gently.
"I think you bring me bad luck."
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/28/04 12:15 AM

Bafowethu.

U Dlungwana wangena endlini evela emsebentini wathola kule "Program" ka SAKHELENE ZININI. Wacitsha i Radio ethi ugcinela unkosikazi, owayesele emavinkili.

Wangena unkosikazi ngemva kwe 30 minutes. Wathi uyayivula uDlungwana, esedonsa unkosikazi ngesandla ukuthi angaphuthi, i Radio yathi, "ENKUNDLENI".

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/29/04 12:52 AM

Mayisukela..gpn gpn uthi usibrifa mahamjisi,no payment..hk hk,woza lazo guluva sikulindile...omunye umemba nzemu wacuya eroundini lami ngezidindi ezifana lezakho...hk.
omunye wabona ukudla wadla.
ngiphuphe ngiqhoba amafatkhukhu ngavuka ngiqede umqamelo,izolo ngilele ngiqamele ingalo.
fats'iribproof s'gelekeqe ngoba sokushubile,usazohleka lana.uzwa bethi Sirumula,uthi bakhuluma ngotopi othiy'inhlanzi kuphela..nezi.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/29/04 09:51 AM

a u guys liyangichaza <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hk hk hk hk hehehe <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 03:08 AM

Bafowethu.

Picture this, 1985 kusangenwa nge 5 cents e Bhayiskopo. U Dlungwane ujombile usemaflatini, umi ewindini le eleventh floor. Abe ebona i 5 cents emgwaqweni. Ehle egijima ethi eku nineth floor alunguze nge windi le corrodor, abone hayi, yi 10 cents. Ehle amasteps ngejubane. ethi eku seventh floor athi kengihlole njalo. Abone hawu, yi 20 cents. Awathathe two by two ama steps. Ethi eku fifth, alunguze njalo, abone heyi imali ilokhu ikhula, kanti yi 25 cents. Abone nansiya isibhonda siyeza in the same direction. Ahle azi ukuthi le budget yakhe akade eseyiqedile ekhanda esezibona ese Bhayisikopo le mmenya yakhe, haaa ingahamba ngesibhonda. Eqe 5 steps at a time. lokulunguza kasalunguzanga laku fourth,third and second floors.

Uthe efika ethareni wathola .............

Aaaah, ISIVIMBO se Bhimu.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 03:32 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Akula lunya olwedlula lapho hk hk hk
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 07:22 AM

uMayisukela wayelesandla ngezikhathi zakhe esakhula,one day washapa iround lamajida akhe bantshontsha umbheda,bathe belokhu beshaya,azwata amahata,abanye bangena emoteni lombheda konke lomqamelo,nango omunye esithi lala ngekhona Mayisukela,yaphendula eyiMayisukela yathi angila pillow...gpn gpn...basop wena uzatshela endlini,ungalala ubase umlilo wokuxotsha amakhakha wena ulala endlini yotshani...gpn
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 10:44 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> u guys u rock
Posted by: gazilam

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 02:30 PM

From a strictly mathematical viewpoint it goes like this:

What Makes 100%? What does it mean to give MORE than 100%? Ever wonder
about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all
been to those meetings where someone wants you to give over 100%. How
about achieving 103%? What makes up 100% in life?

Here's a little mathematical formula that might help you answer these
questions:

If:
A B C D E F G H I J K L M N O P Q R S T U V W X Y Z is represented as:
1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11 12 13 14 15 16 17 18 19 20 21 22 23 24 25 26.

Then:

H-A-R-D-W-O-R-K
8+1+18+4+23+15+18+11 = 98%

and

K-N-O-W-L-E-D-G-E
11+14+15+23+12+5+4+7+5 = 96%

But,

A-T-T-I-T-U-D-E
1+20+20+9+20+21+4+5 = 100%

And,

B-U-L-L-S-H-I-T
2+21+12+12+19+8+9+20 = 103%

AND, look how far ass kissing will take you.

A-S-S-K-I-S-S-I-N-G
1+19+19+11+9+19+19+9+14+7 = 118%

So, one can conclude with mathematical certainty that While Hard work
and Knowledge will get you close, and Attitude will get you there, it's
the Bullshit and Asskissing that will put you over the top.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 08:32 PM

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him aquestion. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimeters from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said:"Look mate, don't ever do that again. you scared the daylights out of me!

The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realise that a little tap would scare you so much." The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver - I've been driving a mortuary van for the last 25 years."
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 08:59 PM

hOLA HOPS QOPS MAHOBOKELA !!!.
Sirimula eyangini iyang'chaza.....uyakhanya ukuthi wacina ukukhala uphandliwe....ngizakutshela istraight wena mdala.Ubizzy ung'tshela kubi imkhobo yakho ilamba ekhaya,ngizwa kuthwa isihluphile elayinini,akuzame okuncono topi ubone ukuthi uyayifakela is'kafu.One love mjamani...bathi yi Gomba 13.

One thwayini !!!!
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 11/30/04 09:00 PM

UAmai Gondohunzvi ufika eNgilandi babe bemthela ema shiftini oku gcina ogogo bamaNgisi. athi ngobuhwaba langa mawala uNgondohunzvi athathe konke i night shift le day shift le long day aze aswele lesikhathi soku zi watshela.

UGondohunzi sebona kungcono athumele imphala e dry clean. Ziphenduke izigqoko zakhe kodwa kukhanye hatshi kazi hlambulukanga, ezinengi zilokhe zilama bala bala.

Waphinda njalo uGondohunzvindini nge viki elilandelayo wabuyisela ezinye impahla zakhe zoku gqoka e dry clean, kodwa wase faka incwadi empahleni eyayi cela umgezisi ukuthi afake isepa enengi ngoba kasuthisekanga ngoku hlambuluka kwe zigqokwana zakhe.

Langeviki eyalandelayo wenza njalo wafaka incwadi eyayiphekelezela impahla yakhe. Kwaqhubeka kunjalo okwama viki aze aba mane umgezisi etshelwa ukuthi afake isepa enengi.

Eku gcineni umgezisi wase dry clean wakhathala. Laye walokotha ukuphendula ethi

"Ubo tshetshela mani lawe wena sw**a lo th*v*!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/02/04 01:56 PM

Used brains for sale


In the hospital the relatives gathered in the waiting room, where their family member lay gravely ill.

Finally, the doctor came in looking tired and somber.

"I'm afraid I'm the bearer of bad news," he said as he surveyed the worried faces.

"The only hope left for your loved one at this time is a brain transplant.

It's an experimental procedure, very risky but it is the only hope.

Insurance will cover the procedure, but you will have to pay for the brain yourselves."

The family members sat silent as they absorbed the news. After a great length of time, someone asked, "Well, how much does a brain cost?"

The doctor quickly responded, "$5,000 for a male brain, and $200 for a female brain."

The moment turned awkward. Men in the room tried not to smile, avoiding eye contact with the women, but some actually smirked.

A man unable to control his curiosity, blurted out the question everyone wanted to ask,

"Why is the male brain so much more?"

The doctor smiled at the childish innocence and explained to the entire group, "It's just standard pricing procedure. We have to mark down the price of the
female brains, because they've actually been used."
Posted by: Mkhankaso

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/03/04 01:36 AM

Elinye ijida livela ekhaya liqala ukuya egoli lavakatsha lo cousin walo e-town. Njengoba lalingajwayelanga impilo yegoli nxa kugadwa ama-taxi (kombi), umzawalo wathi engena wabhadala i-fare ye-trip bengakasuki. So ijida leli kalibonanga ukuthi umzala walo ubhadale for 2, bathe befika e-town umzala walo weqa wehla ikombi lona lasala lihlezi selifuna lokukhala. Sebelibuza ukuthi kanti likhaliswa yini? libe lisithi "Kangilamali yokuphuma".
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/04/04 08:12 AM

eita long time majida lamajida sisi ngiyalibona liyaziwisa izipitshi,
Aziwe
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/16/04 02:06 AM

An elderly man in Harare calls his son in CapeTown and says,
'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I
are divorcing; forty-five years of misery is enough.'

'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.

'We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the old man says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Johannesburg and tell her,' and he hangs up.

Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone.'Like heck they're getting divorced,' she shouts, 'I'll take care of
this.'

She calls her dad immediately, and screams at the old man,'You are NOT getting divorced! Don't do a single thing until I get there.I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then,don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.

The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,'he says, 'they're coming for Christmas and paying their own airfares.'
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/16/04 02:13 AM

A family is sitting around the supper table. The son asks his father,"Dad, how many kinds of breasts are there?"
The father, surprised, answers, "Well, son, there are three kinds of breasts. In her twenties, a woman's breasts are like melons, round and firm. In her thirties to forties, they are like pears, still nice but hanging a bit. After fifty, they are like onions."
"Onions?"
"Yes, see them and they make you cry."

This infuriated the wife and daughter so the daughter said, "Mum , how many kind of penises are there?"

The mother, surprised, smiles, and looks at her husband and answers, "Well, dear, a man goes through three phases. In a man's twenties, his
penis is like an oak, mighty and hard. In his thirties and forties, it is like a birch, flexible but reliable. After his fifties, it is like a Christmas tree."

"A Christmas tree?"

"Yes, dead from the root up & the balls are there for decoration only!
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/16/04 08:08 AM

Mabili...hk hk hk gpn gpn utheni?nguwe lowu..gpn Sibalukhuni pliz can you cancel Mabila from the website...gpn gpn..uyakwazi ukuthi sibangani...l arrest and sentence my case to life in prison!! hk hk.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/17/04 01:49 PM

mabila u rock hlalunje <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/20/04 01:12 PM

A car was involved in an accident in a street. As expected a large crowd gathered. A reporter,anxious to get his story could not get near the car.Being a clever sort, he started shouting loudly, "Let me through!Let me
through! I am the son of the victim." The crowd made way for him. Lying in front of the car was a donkey.
Posted by: Sheik Mthembo

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/20/04 08:27 PM

Mabila ugangile! hk hk hk Uthi obaba balezigaqa ezifileyo once they reach fifty! hk hk hk! suka bo!
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/21/04 12:42 AM

Bafowethu.

Quote:
_______________________________________________________________________
"The comment may sound a bit whimsical, but it's literally true that the leading cause of death on death row is old age."
RONALD M. GEORGE, the chief justice of the California Supreme Court.
________________________________________________________________________

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/22/04 12:02 PM

Mabila, Ngizaku shaya dade. hk hk. Usungixhwalisile ah wena ah.
Mina angisadlali vele ah. Likhuluma inhlamba ah, mina vele vele ngizalicebela. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/23/04 04:50 AM

Bafowethu.

Umnyaka omutsha usufikile. La**** a******** baz******* nge*********. Ku********** lo**** a************* e********** kuka ********.

Si********* u********** la*** aba********* ba*** u*****. Loba ******* si******** isi********* asa********** ng********* v***********. D****** ******* ******** ***. T*** n***** ** *******.

Ngizalibona kozayo.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/23/04 06:27 AM

aziwe majida lamajida sisi
Posted by: THANDINDABA

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/23/04 04:55 PM

A MAN AND SON ARE WALKING IN THE BUSH WHEN HE POINTS TO A BIG TREE AND SAYS "HEY BOY I WANT YOU TO GO AND HUG THAT TREE". WHY THE BOY ASKS.
BECAUSE THAT IS WHERE I MADE ONE OF THE BIGGEST MISTAKES OF MY LIFE".
"WHY DAD, WHAT DID YOU DO" THE BOY ASKS
I LOST MY INNOCENCE HERE BOY UNDER THIS VERY TREE.> HE SAYS
AND WHAT WAS THE MISTAKE THEN DAD? THE BOY ASKS.
"YOU AND YOUR BLOODY MOTHER!!!!!!!!!". HE ANSWERS
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/27/04 07:31 AM

mankazana misani kuthanda iziwiji......iziwiji ziyabolisa amazinyo
lani bafana bambani mibhobho yenu....misani kudubula yonke ndawo.


Kwabokwagwala ziyakhupha !!!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 12/29/04 05:02 PM

hk hk hk kungcono mankazana lidle zisemaphepheni khona engasoze abole lizwile
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/03/05 07:01 AM

One day when the teacher walked to the black board, she noticed someone handwritten the word 'penis' in tiny small letters. She turned around, scanned the class looking for the guilty face. Finding none, she quickly erased it, and began her class. The next day she went into the room, and she saw, in larger letters, the word 'penis'
again on the black board.

Again, she looked around in vain for the culprit, but found none, so she proceeded with the day's lesson.

Every morning, for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same word written on the board, each day's word, larger than the previous day's word.

Finally, one day, she walked in, expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board, but instead, found the words,

'The more you rub it, the bigger it gets!'
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/03/05 09:57 AM

Gazlam!, Habari ya wewe bwana. Mombasa Kukoaje? Tafadhali nipatie nambai yako ya simu ni nene nawe.

LETTER OF RECOMMENDATION

1. Phineas Dlamini, my assistant programmer, can always be found
2. hard at work in his cubicle. Phineas works independently,without
3. wasting company time talking to colleagues. Phineas never
4. thinks twice about assisting fellow employees, and he always
5. finishes given assignments on time. Often he takes extended
6. measures to complete his work, sometimes skipping coffee
7. breaks. Phineas is a dedicated individual who has absolutely no
8. vanity in spite of his high accomplishments and profound
9. knowledge in his field. I firmly believe that Phineas can be
10. classed as a high-calibre employee, the type that cannot be
11. dispensed with. Consequently, I truly recommend that Phineas be
12. promoted to executive management, and a proposal will be
13. executed as soon as possible.

Addendum


The idiot was standing over my shoulder while I wrote this letter. Kindly re-read only the odd numbered lines.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/03/05 12:42 PM

Dokotela hk hk hk Wangibhayizisa Mngane hk

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/04/05 11:04 PM

Usuqalile Doc ngo misi wakho lango Phineas.hk, hk!

Uthini umzawakho ngonyaka omutsha, kakakubhaleli enye? <img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />

-----------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/05/05 03:05 PM

As we progress with 2005, you are kindly urged to avoid injuries because parts for old models like you are no longer in stock.

Happy New Year.
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/07/05 05:20 PM

haaaaa dokotela uyazi wangibulala wena,amakhiwa semangele lapha ukuthi indoda leyi ikhangele i computer isilala ngokuhleka yodwa.
hayi madoda sesiku 2005 thina angapha kule snow ama break ethu awasabambi kuhle hk hk
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/10/05 01:19 AM

TEACHER: "Why are you late?"

BONGANI: "Because of the sign"

TEACHER: "What sign?"

BONGANI: "The one that says "School ahead, GO Slow"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/10/05 06:31 AM

A little boy and his grandfather are raking leaves in the yard. The little boy sees an earthworm trying to get back into its hole. He says, "Grandpa, I bet I can put that worm back in that hole." The grandfather replies, "I'll bet you five dollars you can't. It's too wiggly and limp to put back in that little hole."

The little boy runs into the house and comes back out with a can of hair spray. He sprays the worm until it is straight and stiff as a board. Then he stuffs the worm back into the hole. The grandfather hands the little boy five dollars, grabs the hair spray and runs into the house.

Thirty minutes later, the grandfather comes back out and hands the little boy another five dollars. The little boy says, "Grandpa, you already gave me
five dollars." The grandfather replies, "I know. That's from your grandma."

<img src="http://users.telenet.be/benjamin.carlier/av-6.gif" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/10/05 06:53 AM

Tshisa, Kwazimina, Mayisukela

Salut vous Canadien comment est il ? Envoyez-moi un courrier priv? fran?ais. je l'appr?cierai des mercis des commentaires sur mes plaisanteries.


---------------------------------------------
Medicine Dictionary

artery..............The study of paintings.
bacteria............Back door of a cafeteria.
barium..............What doctors do when a patient dies.
bowel...............A letter like a,e,i,o,u.
cat scan............Looking for a kitty.
cauterize...........Made eye contact with her.
fester..............Quicker.
fibula..............A small lie.
hangnail............Coat hook.
impotent............Distinguished, well known.
labor pain..........Getting hurt at work.
node................Was aware of.
outpatient..........A person who has fainted.
rectum..............Damn near killed 'em.
secretion...........To hide something.
terminal illness....Getting sick at the airport.
ultrasound..........Very good music.
varicose............Nearby.
vein................Conceited.
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/10/05 06:32 PM

hk hk dokotela,isi french ndoda lokhe singi phica wena,sengiza zama ukuya hlala ngase QUEBEC maybe lami ngingabe sengikhukhuza ngama khala
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/11/05 07:00 AM

Subject: ANSWERING MACHINE MESSAGES


> Here are five phone answering machine messages to savour:
>
>
>
> (a). Hello, you've reached Jim and Sonya. We can't
>
> pick up the phone right now, because we're doing
>
> something we really enjoy. Sonya likes doing it up and
>
> down, and I like doing it left to right... real slowly.
>
> So leave a message, and when we're done
>
> brushing our teeth we'll get back to you.
>
>
>
>
>
> (b). Hi, this is John. If you are the phone company,
>
> I've already sent the money. If you are my parents,
>
> please send money. If you are my financial aid
>
> institution, you didn't lend me enough money. If you
>
> are my friends, you owe me money. If you are a female,
>
> don't worry, I have plenty of money.
>
>
>
>
>
> ?. Hi, I'm probably home, I'm just avoiding someone
>
> I don't like. Leave me a message, and if I don't call
>
> back, it's you.
>
>
>
>
>
> (d). Please leave a message. However, you have the
>
> right to remain silent. Everything you say will be
>
> recorded and will be used by us.
>
>
>
>
>
> (e). (Sexy female voice with heavy panting).. Hi,
>
> you've reached 555-3456. John is in... (sigh) Oh no,
>
> he's out... (aah) Yes, he's in again..(ooh) No he's
>
> out... (aah) Why don't you just leave your name and
>
> number and he'll call you as soon as he...comes.
>
>
>
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/11/05 02:30 PM

joskeyi jo u surely rock#
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/11/05 08:54 PM

Doc, <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Mina ngiyisiQholo seZhowane,
bangangikhulumisa ngesiFrench ngithi,
"Now can you speak faster in English"...gpn

Anyway ngizabe sengikwazi ukuthi utheni kusasa, otherwise i-dictionary yakho i-blind. <img border="0" alt="[wavey]" title="" src="graemlins/wavey.gif" />

---------------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/12/05 05:05 AM

George W. Bush has a heart attack and dies. He goes to hell where the
devil
is waiting for him.


"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You're on my list but I
have no room for you, but you definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you
> what I'm going to do. I've got 3 people here who weren't quite as bad as
> you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their place. I'll
even
> let YOU decide who leaves."
>
> George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
>
> The devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool
of
> water. He kept diving in and surfacing empty handed over and over and
over.
> Such was his fate in hell.
>
> "No!" George said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer and don't
think
> I could do that all day long
>
> The devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a
sledgehammer
> and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing that hammer,
> time after time after time. "No! I've got this problem with my
> shoulder. I would be in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks
all
> day!" commented George.
>
> The devil opened a third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton lying on
the
> floor with his arms staked over his head and his legs staked in spread
eagle
> pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she does best.
>
> George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,
"Yeah,
> I can handle this."
>
> The devil smiled and said...."Monica, you're free to go!"
>
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/13/05 03:49 PM

Zulus again


There was this Zulu working in a farm One day.while busy with his work, the farmer came to him with a pair of binoculars and said to him,

"Look through these and see how your friends are busy stealing my sheep"

When looking through the binoculars, he saw his friend stealing the sheep and started to whisper, "Dlomo! Dlomo! Baleka Umlungu
uyak'bona"!
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 06:39 AM

Sugar Daddy


Bathi ngesizulu:'Yaneliswa ona!!kho'.


Nango-ke ubaba womzulu ohlala eHostela,ethi naye phela akazizwise


enganeni eniminyaka eyishumi nesishiyagalombili. Imambana ayisasho


ukuthi inoshukela. Usho umsebenzi,Ubaba asheshe afike
ekujabuleni,kanti


nengane ibisizofika. Seyiyamcela-ke ingane:'Hawu Daddy,bekezela ukuze


nami phela ngijabule' baba esecinene,ushukela usuvuke


ngenkani:'Hayi,ngeke mntanami ngisafika lapho,usuyochama kontanga


bakho!'
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 01:38 PM

IT Engineers definition on types of women!!!

HARD-DISK Woman:
She remembers everything, FOREVER.

RAM Woman:
She forgets about you, the moment you turn her off.

WINDOWS Woman:
Everyone knows that she can't do a thing right, but noone can live without her.

EXCEL Woman:
They say she can do a lot of things but you mostly use her for your four basic needs

SCREEN-SAVER Woman:
She is good for nothing but at least she is fun!

INTERNET Woman:
Difficult to access.

SERVER Woman:
Always busy when you need her.

MULTIMEDIA Woman:
She makes horrible things look beautiful.

CD-ROM Woman:
She is always faster and faster.

E-MAIL Woman:
Every ten things she says, eight are nonsense.

VIRUS Woman:
Also known as "WIFE"; when you are not expecting her, she comes,installs herself and uses all your resources. If you try to uninstall her
you will lose something, if you don't try to uninstall her you will lose everything.
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 02:31 PM

Thats why i need a FIREWALL (Induku) to suppress the WIFE Virus.

HOW TO TELL A MAN IS A VIRGIN

A very 'straight and honest' girl from Mpumalanga is going to seek work in Joburg. Before she left, her mother gave her some advice. "Zodwa, my child, when you're in JHB and if you're looking for a match there, you must take note of the following requirements I've set for you. You must find a man that is faithful, not spendthrift and he must be a virgin'."

With this advise from her mother, 'Zo', as her mother affecionately calls her, went to the 'City of Gold'. Some months later, she came home to her village to get her mother's blessings to marry.

"Mother", she said coyly, I've met my match following your instructions. My future husband is so faithful!!! We went out for a holiday one day, he took care of me specifically even though there were so many prettier girls around. Isn't that being faithful?" she asked expectantly". Her mother nodded in agreement. "Then", 'Zo continued, "since it was getting late at night and rain was pouring, my boyfriend decided that we stay the night at a hotel.

He also suggested that in order not to spend too much, we shared one room. "See, he's not a spendthrift, is he?"
For the second time her mother nodded her head in agreement, but with a little concern. "And finally mum..., I know he is a virgin".
"How did you know he is still a virgin?" The concerned mother asked.
"Mmmmmmm....his 'thing' is new......still wrapped up in plastic, mum!"
The old lady is recovering from shock at kwaNdebele Memorial Hospital.

<img src="http://smilies.sofrayt.com/fsc/bow.gif" alt=" - " />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 06:05 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> u juys u surely rock
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 06:05 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> u guys u surely rock
Posted by: Kwazimina

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/14/05 08:33 PM

Joskeyi, Mabila, Doc,

Thanks for keeping our ribs in pain <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

----------------------------
Kwaze kwakuhle kwethu!
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/15/05 01:25 AM

Bafowethu.

Kuthiwa u M-g-a-x-a-b-e- lo Josh babezama ukuqinisa i "UNITY". U Josh wavakashela e Salisbury. Bathe behamba emgwaqweni babona uhlanya luthwele ama Khadi-Box. U Josh wathi, "Manje ubona kuzakuba lula ukuhlanganisa abantu bakithi lenhlanya zakho lezi?"

U M-g-a-x-a wazithulela.

Ngemva kweviki laye wavakashela ko Bulawayo. Bathe behamba emgwaqweni babona umuntu eziKHULULA eceleni ko mgwaqo. U M-g-a-x-a wathi, "haa, Josh, ubona angani ngingahlanganisa abantu bami le doti yakini leyi?"

U Josh wambiza lowo muntu, uthe efika kibo wakhangela u M-g-a-x-a wathi, "MAKATIYI SHEFU, NESU TABUYA KU BURUWAYO."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/15/05 04:46 AM

piece of advice


Never hold your farts in.
They travel up your spine,
into your brain,
and that's where you
get shitty ideas from.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/21/05 01:00 PM

A little boy and a little girl were playing. The little boy exposes himself, and pointing says" my daddy says I have one of these and you don't!".

The little girl very upset by this runs crying into the house. A while later, very much settled and content, she comes out. She exposes herself and pointing says "I have one of these, and my mommy says when I get older if I am good, I can have all of those I want!".

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/21/05 01:15 PM

Money From God

A little boy really wanted Z$100 000 badly and he prayed for two weeks but nothing happened. So he decided to write a letter to god, requesting the Z$100 000. When the postal authorities received the letter addressed to God, Zimbabwe, they decided to send it to president Mugabe (but why nobody is sure). Upon receiving the letter, president Mugabe was so impressed, touched and amused that he instructed his secretary to mail the little boy Z$5 000. He thought that would appear to be a lot of money to the little boy. The little boy was delighted with the Z$5 000 and decided to write odd a thank you letter. it read as follows:

"Dear God, thank you for the money. however, I noticed that for some reason you had to send it through Harare, and as usual, the bastards deducted Z$95 000. Thanks anyways."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality
Posted by: zelizwe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/21/05 02:15 PM

<img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> 1.
A new teacher was trying to make use of her psychology courses. She started her class by saying, "Everyone who thinks you're stupid, stand up!"

After a few seconds, Little Johnny stood up. The teacher said, "Do you think you're stupid, Little Johnny?"

"No, ma'am, but I hate to see you standing there all by yourself!"


2.
Little Johnny is passing his parents' bedroom in the middle of the night, in search of a glass of water. Hearing a lot of moaning and thumping, he peeks in and catches his folks in The Act. Before dad can even react, Little Johnny exclaims "Oh, boy! Horsie ride! Daddy, can I ride on your back?" Daddy, relieved that Johnny's not asking more uncomfortable questions, and seeing the opportunity not to break his stride, agrees. Johnny hops on and daddy starts going to town. Pretty soon mommy starts moaning and gasping. Johnny cries out "Hang on tight, Daddy! This is the part where me and the milkman usually get bucked off!"


3.
Little Johnny woke up in the middle of the night and went to the bathroom. On the way back to bed, he passed his parents room. When he looked in, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his dad, "Hey Dad, what are you doing?" The dad answered, "Playing Cards". Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" The dad answered, " Your mom".

Little Johnny then passed by his older sister's room. Again, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his sister, "Hey Sis, what are you doing?" The sister answered, "Playing Cards." Little Johnny asked, "Whose your partner?" She answered, "My boyfriend."

A little later, the Dad got up and went to the bathroom. As he passed Little Johnny's room, he noticed the covers bouncing. He called to his son, "what are you doing?" Little Johnny answered, "Playing Cards." The Dad asked, "Really? Whose your partner?" Little Johnny answered, "You don't need a partner if you have a good hand!"


4.
It is near the end of the school year. The teacher has turned in her grades. There is really nothing to do. All the kids are restless because there is nothing to do and it is near the end of the day. The teacher says, "Whoever answers the questions I ask first and correctly can leave early today." Little Johnny says to himself, "Good, I want to get outta here. I'm smart and will answer the question".

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Four Score and Seven Years Ago'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Susie said, "Abraham Lincoln." The teacher said, "That's right Susie. You can go." Johnny was MAD.

The teacher asked, "Who said, 'I Have a Dream'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Mary said, "Martin Luther King." The teacher said, "That's right Mary. You can go." Johnny was even MADDER than before.

The teacher asked, "Who said 'Ask not, what your country can do for you'?" Before Johnny could open his mouth, Nancy said, "John Kennedy." The teacher said, "That's right Nancy. You can go." Johnny was BOILING MAD.

Then the teacher turned her back, and Johnny said, "I wish these bitches would keep their mouths shut." The teacher asked, "WHO SAID THAT?" Johnny said, "BILL CLINTON, CAN I GO NOW?"


5.
Little Johnny?s teacher was asking all the kids in the class what their parents did for a living. Little Mary got up and said "My Dad is a pilot, and my Mommy is an architect".

"Great." said the teacher. Michael got up and said "My Dad is a Doctor, and my Mom is a housewife". "Good." said the teacher. Johnny was last in the class and when he got up he said: "My Mommy, she is a substitute". Knowing better about his background and always striving to correct the kids, the teacher said, "You mean she is a Prostitute."

"No." Said Johnny, "My Sister, she is the Prostitute, but when she does not feel well, my Mommy substitutes."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 10:40 AM

Nice Hotel


A husband and wife are traveling by car from Atlanta to New York.
After almost twenty-four hours on the road, they decide to stop at a
nice hotel and take a room. They only plan to sleep for four hours
and then get back on the road. When they check out four hours later,
the desk clerk hands them a bill for $350. The man explodes and
demands to know why the charge is so high. He tells the clerk
although it's a nice hotel, the rooms certainly aren't worth $350.
When the clerk explains that $350 is the standard rate, the man
insists
on speaking to the manager.

The manager enters the conversation and explains that the hotel has
an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which were
available for the husband and wife to use.
He also explains that they could have taken in one of the shows which
the hotel is famous for. "The best entertainers from New York,
Hollywood and Las Vegas perform here,"
explains the manager.

No matter what facility the manager mentions, the man replies, "But
we didn't use it!"

The manager is unmoved. Eventually the man gives up and agrees to
pay. He writes a check and hands it to the manager. "But sir," the
managers says, "this check is only made out for $100."

"That's right," replies the man. "I charged you $250 for sleeping
with my wife."

"What! I didn't sleep with your wife!" exclaims the manager.

"Well," the man replies, "she was here, and you could have."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 03:44 PM

A young girl was going on a date. Her grandmother said:

"Sit here and let me tell you about those young boys. He is going to try and
kiss you,
you are going to Like that, but don't let him do that.

"He is going to try and feel your breast, you are going to like that but
don't let him
do that.

"But most important, he is going to try and get on top of you to
have his way with you. You are going to like that, but don't let him do
that. It will disgrace the family."

With that bit of advice, the granddaughter went on her date.

The next day she told grandma that her date went just like she had
predicted:

"Grandma, I didn't let him disgrace the family. When he tried it, I just
turned over, got on top of
him, and disgraced HIS family instead..."

Granny fainted.


Ukhona na ofuna to disgrace my family? <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 03:49 PM

Sgero! <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 04:02 PM

A man returning home a day early from a business trip got into a taxi at the airport. It was after midnight. While en route to his home, he asked the taxi driver if he would be a witness. The man suspected his wife was having an affair and he intended to catch her in the act. For $100.00, the taxi driver agreed.

Quietly arriving at the house, the husband and the taxi driver tiptoed into the bedroom. The husband switched on the lights, yanked the blanket back and there was his wife in bed with another man.

The husband put a gun to the naked man's head. The wife shouted, "Don't do it! This man has been very generous. I lied when I told you I inherited money. He paid for the Corvette car I bought for you. He paid for our new cabin cruiser. He paid for our house at the lake. He paid for our country club membership, and he even pays the monthly dues. Shaking his head from side to side, the husband slowly lowered the gun.
He looked over at the taxi driver and said, "What would you do?"
The taxi driver said, "I'd cover him up with that blanket before he catches a cold!
Posted by: Sgcebhezana

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 05:07 PM

Sgero ya uyangibulala ngamaribs wena hayi ah.KuTax man ngithi yingqondo leyo sbali ukubulala akulunganga!
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/24/05 08:04 PM

ugeli mbambo zami sgero ziqamuke phaqa hk hk hk keep it up <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/25/05 02:21 AM

Kithi siyabuyela vele!!!! Noma kanjani siya lenda kithi!

Welcome to Air Zimbabwe

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your captain(Boniface)welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board Air Zimbabwe. We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was due to bad weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 126 to Harare. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we will end up somewhere in
Zimbabwe. If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety-record. In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid to fly with us! It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 30% of our passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request,we can arrange to turn them off! To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, We serve complimentary Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits!

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs, we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

Smoking is not allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the landmark!

Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ...and for those of you who cant find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your suitcase."

ENJOY AIR ZIMBABWE!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/25/05 03:10 AM

hk hk hk hk u rock
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/25/05 12:16 PM

Hi Guys
I was away on sick leave due to my broken ribs ngenxayenu bafowethu nabodade.Guys this is a true letter that i came across at work.The best way to Complain
The Manager Academy for Mathematics
CUSTOMER COMPLAINTS

Dear sir/madam

I am hereby complaints, my heart is like balloon full of air waiting to burst I do believe that I
gave all my details concerning the deduction of my money that it will deducted on the first of
Each every months because I get paid on the last date of every months because if I say on the
30 of each months you will found no money if months end is on the 31st.

Since you where started you were deducting on the 1st of each months but things changed
On December you did deduct on the first of December which is fine but on my surprise you
did deduct again on the 30 of December same months and I sought you did that because you
Know that on the 1st of January it will be holiday the transaction won't proceed which was fine but on my surprise you want to deduct again on the 2nd of January 2005 which means on
The same months you want to double amount which is impossible.Or you sought you will
Consume more because it is bonus time if so that is wrong because I don't even get that bonus
Where do you think the money come from,do you thought I get paid twice in a months if you
Do so to your employees I would like to work in your company.At this moment I am very
disappointed.


I sought you do this business for profit not for robbery and you helping customer like me and
Others. If you sought I am money maker you are wrong, I myself I am not a Bank I do go to
Work each and every day like you and others.

I do keep the record which I do sign contract with you, If you want me go further I will do so
Even send it to media don't even thought of deducting double pay on the end of January you
Will deduct as usual.

Yours Faithful with heart ache

Okunje angikwazi futhi angikaze ngihlangane lakho
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/25/05 01:12 PM

Ndebele Phaqa <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/25/05 03:13 PM

Ndex

I sought my LP record say ungibulala ngembambo, and so ZRP England isikufuna for attempted murder

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 04:35 AM

Bunandi xolo bhoyi

> > What do you think???
> >A blind man walks into a restaurant and sits down. The
> >waiter who is also the owner, walks up to the blind
> >man and hands him a menu.
> >"I'm sorry, sir, but I am blind and can't read the
> >menu. Just bring me a dirty fork from a previous
> >customer. I'll smell it and order from there." A
> >little confused, the owner walks over to the dirty
> >dish pile and picks up a greasy fork. He returns to
> >the blind man's table and hands it to him. The blind
> >man puts the fork to his nose and takes in a deep
> >breath. "Ah, yes, that's what I'll have-meatloaf and
> >mashed potatoes." Unbelievable, the owner thinks as he
> >walks towards the kitchen.
> >The cook happens to be the owner's wife. He tells her
> >what had just happened. The blind man eats his meal
> >and leaves. Several days later, the blind man returns
> >and the owner mistakenly brings him a menu again.
> >"Sir, remember me? I'm the blind man." "I'm sorry, I
> >didn't recognize you. I'll go get you a dirty fork."
> >The owner retrieves a dirty fork and brings it
> >to the blind man. After another deep breath, the blind
> >man says, "That smells great. I'll take the macaroni
> >and cheese with broccoli." Walking away in disbelief,
> >the owner thinks the blind man is screwing around with
> >him and tells his wife that the next time the blind
> >man comes in he's going to test him.
> >
> >The blind man eats his meal and leaves. He returns the
> >following week, but this time the owner sees him
> >coming and runs to the kitchen. He tells his wife,
> >"Mary,Mary, rub this fork on your panties before I
> >Take it to the blind man." Mary complies and hands
> >her husband the fork. As the blind man walks in and
> >sits down, the owner is ready and waiting. "Good
> >afternoon, sir, this time I remembered you and I
> >already have the fork ready for you." The blind man
> >puts the fork to his nose, takes a deep whiff, and
> >says, "Hey I didn't know that Mary worked here!"
> >
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 04:37 AM

One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his
buddy
> > Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up next to him with
a
> wide
> > grin.
> >
> >
> > "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?"
> >
> >
> >
> > "Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied.
> >
> >
> >
> > "She gave it to you? I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, but a new
truck?"
> >
> >
> >
> > "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened.
> > We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere.
Bobby
> Sue
> > pulled off the road,
> > put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She
parked
> the
> > truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said,
> > 'Bubba, take whatever you want'.
> >
> >
> > So I took the truck!"
> >

> > "Bubba, you're a smart man!.
> > Them clothes woulda never fit you!"
>
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 04:40 AM

A farmer ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his "manhood" into the equipment, turned The switch on and everything else was automatic. Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with. Much more pleasure than his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that He couldn't remove the instrument off his tool. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line. Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry Sir," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two and a half litres.?
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 12:03 PM

Some states in the USA are giving marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples. Apparently the following happened at one of the council offices.
"Next."
"Good morning. We want to apply for a marriage license."
"Names?"
"Tim and Jim Jones."
"Jones? Are you related? I see a resemblance."
"Yes, we're brothers."
"Brothers? You can't get married."
"Why not? Aren't you giving marriage licenses to same gender couples?"
"Yes, thousands. But we haven't had any siblings. That's incest!"
"Incest?" No, we are not gay."
"Not gay? Then why do you want to get married?"
"For the financial benefits, of course. And we do love each other. Besides, we don't
have any other prospects."
"But we're issuing marriage licenses to gay and lesbian couples who've been denied equal protection under the law. If you are not gay, you can get married to a woman."
"Wait a minute. A gay man has the same right to marry a woman as I have. But just because I'm straight doesn't mean I want to marry a woman. I want to marry Jim."
"And I want to marry Tim. Are you going to discriminate against us just because we are not gay?"
"All right, all right. I'll give you your license. Next."
"Hi. We are here to get married."
"Names?"
"John Smith, Jane James, Robert Green, and June Johnson."
"Who wants to marry whom?"
"We all want to marry each other."
"But there are four of you!"
"That's right. You see we're all bisexual. I love Jane and Robert, Jane loves June and me, June loves Robert and Jane, and Robert loves June and me. All of us getting married together is the only way that we can express our sexual preferences in a marital relationship."
"But we've only been granting licenses to gay and lesbian couples."
"So you're discriminating against bisexuals!"
"No, it's just that, well, the traditional idea of marriage is that it's just for couples."
"Since when are you standing on tradition?"
"Well, I mean, you have to draw the line somewhere."
"Who says? There's no logical reason to limit marriage to couples. The more, the better. Besides, we demand our rights! The mayor says the constitution guarantees equal protection under the law. Give us a marriage license!"
"All right, all right. Next."
"Hello, I'd like a marriage license."
"In what names?"
"David Deets."
"And the other man?"
"That's all. I want to marry myself."
"Marry yourself? What do you mean?"
"Well, my psychiatrist says I have a dual personality, so I want to marry the two together. Maybe I can file a joint income-tax return."
"That does it! I quit!! You people are making a mockery of marriage!!"
?No we are not, the Mayor started it?
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 12:48 PM

Welcome to Air Zimbabwe

Good morning, Ladies and Gentlemen. This is your
captain(Boniface)welcoming both seated and standing passengers on board
of Air Zimbabwe.

We apologize for the four-day delay in taking off, it was Due to bad
weather and some overtime I had to put in at the bakery.

This is flight 126 to Harare. Landing there is not guaranteed, but we
will end up somewhere in Zimbabwe.

If luck is in our favour, we may even be landing on your village!

Air Zimbabwe has an excellent safety-record.

In fact our safety standards are so high that even terrorists are afraid
to fly with us!

It is with pleasure, I announce that starting this year over 30% of our
passengers have reached their destination.

If our engines are too noisy for you, on passenger request,we can
arrange to turn them off!

To make your free fall to earth pleasant and memorable, We serve
complimentary Stella tea and Rambawaraira biscuits!

For our not-so-religious passengers, we are the only airline who can
help you find out if there really is a God!

We regret to inform you, that today's in-flight movie will not be shown
as we forgot to record it from the television. But for our movie buffs,
we will be flying right next to British Airways, where their movie will
be visible from the right side of the cabin window.

There is no smoking allowed in this airplane. Any smoke you see in the
cabin is only the early warning system on the engines telling us to slow
down!

In order to catch important landmarks, we try to fly as close as
possible for the best view. If, however, we go a little too close, do
let us know. Our enthusiastic co-pilot sometimes flies right through the
landmark! Kindly be seated, keep your seat in an upright position for
take-off and fasten your seat-belt. For those of you who can't find a
seat-belt, kindly fasten your own belt to the arm of your seat ...and
for those of you who cant find a seat, do not hesitate to get in touch
with a stewardess who will explain how to fasten yourself to your
suitcase."

ENJOY YOUR FLIGHT WITH AIR ZIMBABWE!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/26/05 01:08 PM

A woman had a parrot that she took with her everywhere she went.She would even take the parrot to the club with her when she went dancing and drinking on Saturday nights. Whenever the woman went onto the dance floor, the parrot would yell, "The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water let the mutha-fukkah burn! Burn mutha-fukkah, burn!" The crowd on the dance floor would always cheer and holler in appreciation when the parrot would yell. This would make the parrot
yell even more and of course make the crowd go wild. This would go on all night long, everytime the parrot went out.

One Sunday morning the woman took the parrot to church and into the choir stand with her. And when the choir started to sing, the parrot yelled,"The roof, the roof, the roof is on fire, we don't need no water let the mutha-fukkah burn! Burn mutha-fukkah burn!"

She embarrassingly corrected the parrot, "No, you don't say that here!!" The parrot looked around and asked, "Why not? These are the same Mutha-fukkahs that were at the club last night!!!

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/27/05 01:31 PM

A sister just sent this to me and I have indeed responded like a woman hk hk!


Things that a woman cannot do!


1 Know anything about a car except its colour

2 Understand a film plot

3 Go 24 hours without sending a text message

4 Lift

5 Throw

6 Run

7 Park

8 Read a map

9 Rob a bank

10 Sit still

11 Tell a joke

12 Play pool

13 Pay for dinner

14 Eat a kebab while walking

15 Argue without shouting

16 Get told off without crying

17 Understand fruit machines

18 Walk past a shoe shop

19 Make a decent bacon sandwich

20 Not comment on strangers clothes

21 Use small amounts of toilet paper

22 Let you sleep with a hang over

23 Drink a pint gracefully

24 Get a round in

25 Throw a punch

26 Do magic

27 Like your friends

28 Eat a real hot curry

29 Get to the point

30 Buy plain envelopes

31 Take less than 20 minutes in the toilet

32 Sit in a room for 5 minutes without saying " I'm Cold "

33 Go shopping without telephoning 20 friends

34 Avoid credit card debt

35 Dive into a pool

36 Assemble furniture

37 Set a video recorder

38 Not try to change you

39 Watch a war film

40 Understand why flirting results in violence

41 Spend a day by themselves

42 Go to the toilet by themselves

43 Buy a purse that fits in your pocket

44 Choose a video quickly

45 Fart

46 Get this far without having argued with at least 1 of the above

<img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/27/05 01:36 PM

wanted to urgue but since its expected wil shut up

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hk hk
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 12:26 AM

What's the difference between a CONDOM and a COFFIN?

Although they both carry stiffs,

ones used for COMING and the other is for GOING...!


A grade 3 pupil asks his teacher: "Sir, does honey have legs?"

Teacher: why do u ask such a question?

Pupil: cos every nite I always hear my dad say HONEY OPEN YOUR LEGS!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 03:28 AM

Usuduba ngokusigera imbambo we Sgero <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 08:20 AM

Sgero...hk hk hk uyarocker sikhokho big up topi.ungihlephunile feya,kudlaa ngacina ukuhleka kanje..hk hk
shooh case
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 11:32 PM

The South African province has a reputation for rigging their Matric (Form 5) exams. Here is one of the 2004 exam paper.


Mpumalanga Matric Question Paper



Time Limit: 3 WEEKS


Name: _____________________________


1. What language is spoken in Lesotho?

2. Give a dissertation on the ancient Babylonian Empire with
particular reference to architecture, literature, law and social
conditions -OR- give the first name of Jabu Pule.

3. Would you ask Mzekezeke to
___ (a) lecture a science class
___ (b) sail the ocean
___ (c) lead an army or
___ (d) sing kwaito

4 What religious denomination is the Pope?
___ (a) ZCC
___ (b) Catholic
___ (c) Atheist
___ (d) Zimbabwean
(make 2 guesses)

5. How many feet is 0.0 meters?

6. What time is it when the big hand is on the 12 and the little
hand is on the 6? (clue:30 minutes before Jam Alley on Fridays)

7. How many commandments was Moses given? (approximately)

8. What are Xhosa-speaking people called?
___ (a) Shangaans
___ (b) Israelites
___ (c) Xhosas

9. Spell: Bush, Hussein and Mugabe

Bush: ____________________________________________
Hussein: __________________________________________
Mugabe: __________________________________________

10. Six kings of England have been called George, the last one being George the Sixth. Name the previous five:

11. Where does rain come from?
___ (a) Hollywood
___ (b) September 11
___ (c) Canada
___ (d) the sky


12. Can you explain Einstein's Theory of Relativity?
___ (a) yes
___ (b) no

13. What are braai-stands used for?

14. The Springbok Rugby team plays?
(a)Black-maipatile
(b)Rugby

15. Explain Le Chateliers Principle of Dynamic Equilibrium -OR-
spell your name in BLOCK LETTERS.

16. Where is the basement in a three story building located?

(a)2nd Floor

(b)At the bottom of the building

17. When can the sun be clearly seen?
___ (a) During the day
___ (b) At night

18. Advanced math. If you have three apples, how many apples do you
have?

19. What does SABC (South African Broadcasting Corporation) stand
for?

20. The Auckland Park Wits University campus in Johannesburg, where
can it be found?

___ (a) Auckland Park
___ (b) Richards Bay
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 12:05 PM

HK Hk Hk liyangibulala bafowethu

This happened at the Matric exam room
The question was:Draw the female reproductive organ.

As the exam was on,

A girl looked between her legs and

A boy saw her and shouted " Sir she is copying from the original "
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 12:55 PM

phaqa, sgero u rock majida!!!

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 01:07 PM

gpn gpn gpn Phaqa, ZRP England isikudinga full force manje. Atleast abambambanga tracing!!

Ndumshy lawe usufuna ukungena ku wanted list for attempted murder gpn gpn gpn

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 04:56 PM

Clever Wife

A Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per hour.
The wife is behind the wheel.
Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice
"I know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."
The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases her speed to 45mph.
The husband speaks again.
"I don't want you to try and talk me out of it," he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and she's a far better lover than you are."
Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and slowly increases the speed to 55. He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.
Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues. 65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards and the boat!"
The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge. This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"
The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice,
"No, I've got everything I need," she says.
"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?" Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and smiles.

"The airbag."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/28/05 07:23 PM

Finance the African Way!

"Hey Sipho! I have a cow for you for just R500!"

"E yoh, Bongani! I'll take it - you can bring it to me tomorrow!"

The next day: "Sorry Sipho, but the cow died last night."

"Hauw... So, ok then. Just give me my money back."

"Sorry Sipho, I did already spent that money.."

"Eish! So, ok then. Just bring me the dead cow." So, Bongani brought the dead cow to Sipho the next morning.

A few weeks later, Bongani bumped into Sipho and asked him what he did with the dead cow:

"You won't believe,Bongani! I made a raffle for the cow, and I sold 251 tickets for R5 each! I made a profit of R850! But, I didn't tell anyone the cow was dead.."

"Yoh! And the people they didn't omplain?" "Eish! Only the guy which won! So, I gave him back his R5 and he was happy!"

Sipho is now in parliament...
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/29/05 05:06 AM

MABILA JEKI UBLIND.BUNANDI KILL ME UMTSHAYELE IZANDLA UMUPHE IMIKLOMELO ETHE XAXA.

LE YI TRUE STORY

> > I recall my first time with a condom, I was 16 or so.
> > > I went in to buy a package of condoms. There was a beautiful woman
> > > behind the counter emavinki eTshabalala, and she could see that I was new at it. She handed
>me
> > > the package and asked, if I knew how to wear one. I honestly answered,
> > "No."
> > > So she unwrapped the package, took one out and slipped over her
> > > thumb. She cautioned me to make sure it was on tight and secure.
> > > I apparently still looked confused. So she looked all around the store.
> > > It was empty."Just a minute," she said, and walked to the door, and
>locked
> > > it.
> > > Taking my hand, she led me into the back room, unbuttoned her blouse
>and
> > > removed it . She unhooked her bra and laid it aside. "Do these excite
> > > you?" she asked. Well, I was so dumb-struck that all I could do was
> > > nod my head. She then said, it was time to slip the condom on. As I was
> > > slipping
> > > it on, she dropped her skirt, removed her panties and laid down on a
>desk.
> > > "Well, come on", she said, "We don't have much time."
> > > So I climbed on her. It was so wonderful, that unfortunately, I
> > > could no longer hold back and POW, I was done within a few minutes.
> > > She looked at me with a frown. "Did you put that condom on?"
> > > I said, "I sure did," and held up my thumb to show her.
> > >
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/29/05 06:35 AM

ANOTHER TRUE STORY. KUNZIMA EMHLABENI BANTU BAKITHI.

A LAWYER who was confused with his mathematics asked his secretary: "If I
give you ?3million less 17.5 per cent, how much would you take off?"

The secretary replied: "Everything sir! Dress, bra and panties."
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/30/05 11:36 PM

AS WHITE AS SNOW SAYS THE TEACHER.NOW CAN ANYONE GIVE ME ANOTHER ONE,AH YES SIPHO:

SIPHO: AS SLOW AS A TORTOISE.

TEACHER: UMH OKAY NEXT,YES MANDLA

MANDLA: AH AH AH, EZ'MNANDI EZ'FELEMLONYENI
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/31/05 04:32 AM

one to talk about for the whole week.Majida u jona liyangibukisa.hk hk hk ahhee.

A man died and went to heaven. As he stood in front of St. Peter at the
>Pearly Gates, he saw a huge wall of clocks behind him. He asked, "What are all
>those clocks?"
>St. Peter answered, "Those are Lie-Clocks. Everyone on Earth has a
>Lie-Clock. Every time you lie the hands on your clock will move."
>"Oh," said the man, "Whose clock is that?"
>"That's Mother Teresa's. The hands have never moved, indicating that she
>never told a lie."
>"Incredible," said the man. "And whose clock is that one?"
>St. Peter responded, "That's Abraham Lincoln's clock. The hands have moved
>twice, telling us that Abe told only two lies in his entire life."
> "Where's Jonathan Moyo's clock?" asked the man.
>"Jonathan Moyo's clock is in Jesus' office. He's using it as a ceiling
>fan."
>
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/31/05 10:06 AM

Nelson Mandela is sitting at home watching TV and drinking a beer when he hears a knock at the door. When he opens it, he is confronted by a little Chinese man, clutching a clip board and yelling, "You Sign! You sign!" Behind him is an enormous truck full of car exhausts.Nelson is standing there in complete amazement, when the Chinese man starts to yell louder, "You Sign! You sign!" Nelson says to him, "Look, you've obviously got the wrong man", and shuts the door in his face.

The next day he hears a knock at the door again. When he opens it, the little Chinese man is back with a huge truck of brake pads.He thrusts his clipboard under Nelson's nose,yelling, "You sign! You sign!" Mr Mandela is getting a bit hacked off by now, so he pushes the little Chinese man back, shouting: "Look, go away! You've got the wrong man.I don't want them!" Then he slams the door in his face again.

The following day, Nelson is resting, and late in the afternoon, he hears a knock on the door again. On opening the door, there is the same little Chinese man thrusting a clipboard under his nose, shouting, "You sign! You sign!" Behind him are TWO very large trucks full of car parts. This time Nelson loses his temper completely, he picks up the little man by his shirt front and yells at him: "Look, I don't want these! Do you understand? You must have the wrong name! Who do you want to give these to?"

The little Chinese man looks very puzzled, consults his clipboard, and says:( WITH HIS Chinese accent ) "You not Nissan Main Dealer?"

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 01/31/05 03:19 PM

Ha Ha Ha Hlathi, hk hk Nissan? Eyakini ilo laka blayind. Awusizwei mfo, usuphendukile nge spikiri zako ezi ntswempi.

Faka ifokolo ezibhaya sbali, silindile emprekini.
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/01/05 02:19 PM

A pair of Catholic Irish ditch diggers were repairing some road damage directly
across the street from a whore house.

They witnessed a Protestant Minister lurking about, then ducking into the
house.

"Would ye look at that, Darby!" said Pat. "What a shameful disgrace, those
Protestant Reverends sinning in a house the likes of that place!". They
both shook their heads and continued working.

A short time later they watched as a Rabbi looked around cautiously
and then darted into the house when he was satisfied no one was looking.

"Did ya see that, Darby?" Pat asked in shock and disbelief, "Is nothing
holy to those Jewish Rabbis? I just can't understand what the world is
coming to these days. A man of the cloth indulging himself in sins of the
flesh. 'Tis a shame, I tell ya!".

Not much later a third man, a Catholic Priest, was lurking about the
house, looking around to see if any one was watching, then quietly
sneaking in.

"Oh no, Darby, look!" said Pat, removing his cap, "One of the poor girls
musta died."
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/01/05 02:27 PM

A local preacher was dissatisfied with the small amount in the collection
plates each Sunday. Someone suggested to him that perhaps he might be able to hypnotize the congregation into giving more.

"And just how would I go about doing that?" he asked.

"It is very simple. First you turn off the air conditioner so that the auditorium is warmer than usual. Then you preach in a monotone voice.
Meanwhile, you dangle a watch on a chain and swing it in a slow arc above the lectern and suggest they put 20 dollars in the collection plate."

So the very next Sunday, the reverend did as suggested, and lo and behold the plates were full of 20 dollar bills.

Now, the preacher did not want to take advantage of this technique each and every Sunday. So therefore, he waited for a couple of weeks and then tried his mass hypnosis again.

Just as the last of the congregation was becoming mesmerized, the chain on the watch broke and the watch hit the lectern with a loud thud and springs
and parts flew everywhere.

"Shit!" exclaimed the pastor.

It took them a week to clean up the church.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/01/05 07:49 PM

THE GOOD, BAD AND UGLY


Good : Your wife is pregnant.
Bad : It's triplets.
Ugly : You had a vasectomy five years ago.


Good : Your wife's not talking to you.
Bad : She wants a divorce.
Ugly : She's a lawyer.


Good : Your son is finally maturing.
Bad : He's involved with the women next door.
Ugly : So are you.

Good : Your son studies a lot in his room.
Bad : You find several pornn movies hidden there.
Ugly : You're in them.


Good : Your hubby and you agree, no more kids.
Bad : You can't find your birth control pills.
Ugly : Your daughter borrowed them.

Good : Your husband understands fashion.
Bad : He's a cross-dresser.
Ugly : He looks better than you.

Good : You give the "birds and bees" talk to your
daughter.

Bad : She keeps interrupting.
Ugly : With corrections.

Good : Your son is dating someone new.
Bad : It's another man.
Ugly : He's your best friend.

Good : Your daughter got a new job.
Bad : As a hoooker.
Ugly : Your co-workers are her best clients.
Way ugly : She makes more money than you do.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/01/05 07:53 PM

"Sanibonani nonke etendeni!"
Kufakaza umakhelwane emngcwabeni kaGezephi:
"Bakithi silahlekelwe, impela kuhambe ingane ebinesimilo".
Eqhubeka: "Ubeziphethe kahle nje u Gezephi sibonga lokho ukuthi
akazange afane noDudu, Dudu sukuma bakubone..!!"
"Bakwethu yiso ke isifebe sendawo lesi, ngcono ngabe kufe sona kwasala
uGezephi "
Ngiyabonga , usungahlala phansi Dudu .
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/01/05 08:09 PM

There was a young lad that was graduating from high school.
He couldn't get a date for the prom. His parents suggested that he
could take his sister.
She agreed to attend the prom with her brother. After the evening
ended they headed home in dad's new SUV.
As they were driving he looked at his sister and said "If you weren't
my sister, I'd pull over to the side of the road"
She replied "Just pretend I'm not your sister" After they parked, he
said "If you weren't my sister, I'd like to kiss you"
Again she replied "Just pretend I'm not your sister" So he gave her a
big tongue kiss! Wow, "Damn if you weren't my sister I'd like to f>ck
you" Again she replied "Pretend I'm not your sister"
As the story goes, they f>cked and had many delightful org@sms
together.
When they finished she remarked "Damn your d?ck is almost as big as
dad's" to which he replied "
Yep, that's what mom tells me!"
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 04:52 AM

okoThemba ngelinye ilanga kwangena edlini kusangene umcabango ngenxa yamahome work ayewaphiwe ngutitsha wakho kagrade 4.

kwazwakala sokubuza uyise "baba utitsha uthe sibuze ukuthi upresident we south africa ngubani".

"Angikwazi mtanami'.kusitsho uyise.
"icapital city eye eyesouth africa KE?'
"layo kangiyazi mtanami."
"upresident we zimbambwe ke baba"?
"angimazi laye"
"i capitol city eye zimbambwe "
umm angiyazi themba

okay kwatsho okuthemba kodwa kwaqubeka

"U2vi benkomo kuyini kebaba?"
"ahh lokho yibulongwe mfana"

"U2uvi benkukhu ke ? "
"yibudoriro kanti awubazi themba"
'
"u2uvi bomuntu kanti vele kuthiwa yini baba"?
"Lutsheko themba"

kwahlala isikhatshana okuthemba kungatsho lutho'kwazwaka sokuthi '

"hmm mm okutsho kuthi lina baba vele lizazela izinto zo2uvi kuphela"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 11:32 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hlalunje ungiqamuliqolo


u rock
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 11:56 PM

Zeeeeeeeeeeeet Araaaa PHiiiiiiiiiiii Quebec Thathani u Joskeyi! Bayaqoqoda emnyango wakho manje so Joskeyi. Uyona wena thumatshi <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 12:01 PM

Dear Systems Analyst,

I am desperate for some help! I recently upgraded my program from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and found that the new program began
unexpected child processing and also took up a lot of space and valuable resources. This wasn't mentioned in the product brochure. In addition Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and launches during systems initialization, where it monitors all other system activities.

Applications such as "Boys' Night Out 2.5" and "Golf 5.3" no longer run, and crash the system whenever selected. Attempting to operate
selected "Saturday Rugby 6.3" always fails and "Saturday Shopping 7.1" runs instead. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background
whilst attempting to run any of my favourite applications. I am thinking of going back to "Girlfriend7.0", but de-installing
doesn't work on this program.

Can you please help?


AND THIS WHAT THE ANALYST SAID:


Dear Customer,


This is a very common problem resulting from a basic misunderstanding. Many Customers upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 thinking that Wife 1.0 is merely a UTILITIES AND
ENTERTAINMENT PROGRAM. Actually, Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM designed by its Creator to run everything. You are unlikely to be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend 7.0, as Wife 1.0 was not designed to do this and it is impossible to uninstall, delete or purge the program files from the system once it is installed.

Some people have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0
or Wife 2.0 but have ended up with even more problems. (See manual under Alimony/Child Support and Solicitors' Fees). Having Wife 1.0
installed myself, I recommend you keep it installed and deal with the difficulties as best as you can. When any faults or problems
occur, whatever you think has caused them, you must run the C:?APOLOGIZE?FORGIVE ME program and avoid attempting to use the *Esc-Key. It may be necessary to run C:?APOLOGIZE?FORGIVE ME a
number of times, and eventually hope that the operating system will return to normal. Wife 1.0, although a very high maintenance programme, can be very rewarding.To get the most out of it,
consider buying additional software such as "Flowers 2.0" and "Chocolates 5.0" or "HUGS?KISSES 600.0" or
"TENDERNESS?UNDERSTANDING 1000.0", or even "EatingOutWithout The Kids 7.2.1" (if child processing has already started). DO NOT under
any circumstances install "Secretary 2.1" (Short Skirt Version) or "OneNight Stand 3.2" (any version), as this is not a supported
application for Wife 1.0 and the system will almost certainly crash.


BEST OF LUCK!


Your Systems Analyst.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 01:22 PM

Maxhwatha

Bilaz, this is my last posting, sengithengisa i computer yami gpn gpn gpn. Operating system 1.0 is crashing!!
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 03:16 PM

Computer Analysts in Swaziland have got round the problems which many ordinary users face with Wife 1.0.

They have advised their monarch to keep installing Wife 2.0, Wife 3.0 and keep regular updates of the Wife series. As we speak, the Swazi monarch has only recently installed Wife 16.0 and there has been no problems reported by him.

The only people who have cried foul are other jealous users who claim his SUPERCOMPUTER is becoming too powerful. Others are concerned that viruses are difficult to control when one is running Wife 1.0, Wife 2.0....up to Wife 16.0 at the same time.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/02/05 08:30 PM

Bhudaza

On second thoughts angisayithengisi i computer, instead am relocating to Swaziland hk hk hk. Liyangibulala lina ma computer engineer, s'true!!!
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/03/05 07:15 AM

ahh asazi.


A guy has a horny parrot. It's terrible. Every time he reaches into
the
cage, the bird humps his arm. He invites his mother to tea, the bird
keeps
saying foul things. Finally he takes the parrot to a vet.

The vet examines the bird extensively, says, "Well, you have a horny
male
parrot. I have a sweet young female bird, and for fifteen dollars
your
bird can go in the cage with mine."

The guy's parrot is listening and says, "Come on! Come on! What are
you
waiting for??"

Finally, the guy says all right and hands over the fifteen dollars.

The vet takes the parrot, puts him in the cage with the female bird,
closes the curtain. Suddenly, "Kwah! Kwah! Kwah!" Feathers come
flying out
of the cage.

The vet says, "Holy gee," and runs across the room and opens the
curtain.

The male bird has the female bird down on the bottom of the cage,
pulling
out all her feathers. He's saying, "For fifteen bucks, I want you
naked.
Naked!"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/03/05 02:24 PM

Sgero, relocating to Swaziland will require you to have more memory, because installing Wife 1.0 already takes up all space. You need to install Grilfriend 1.0 because they take up little memory space and run the same as Wife 1.0.

Girlfriend software has lot of features which may not exist in Wife 1.0, including easy un-installation. Installing a lot of versions of Girlfriend may result in cloggin of you network with other guys and take may also lead to Virus infection.

Normally Wife 1.0 is deployed with bugs therefore you need to always be in touch the vendor Auntie Corporation.

If you happen to have committed the lobolo database transation, you may experience more problems because and you cannot rollback.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/03/05 02:48 PM

Order in court.




Defense Attorney: What is your age?

Little old Woman: I am 86 years old.

Defense Attorney: Will you tell us, in your own words, what happened to you on the first of April of this year?

Little old Woman: There I was, sitting there in my swing on my front porch on a warm spring evening, when a young man comes creeping up on the porch and sat down beside me.

Defense Attorney: Did you know him?

Little old Woman: No, but he sure was friendly.

Defense Attorney: What happened after he sat down?

Little old Woman: He started to rub my thigh.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him?

Little old Woman: No, I didn't stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: It felt good. Nobody had done that since m!y Abner passed away some 30 years ago.

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: He began to rub my breasts.

Defense Attorney: Did you stop him then?

Little old Woman: No, I did not stop him.

Defense Attorney: Why not?

Little old Woman: Why, Your Honor, his rubbing made me feel all alive and excited. I haven't felt that good in years!

Defense Attorney: What happened next?

Little old Woman: Well, I was feeling so spicy that I just laid down and said to him..."Take me young man...Take me!"

Defense Attorney: Did he take you?

Little old Woman: Hell, no. He just yelled ... "April Fool!" And that's when I shot the little bastard!
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/03/05 04:13 PM

kanti lasebeluphele bayabuzwa lobo bunandi yoooh..imanzi mabila keep them rolling
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 01:23 AM

Dok

gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> i database lobola le Auntie Vendor hayi ah!! Shuwa lina ma software engineer! Manje umuntu adinge i portable kumbe inkalakatha ye desk top as Wife 1.0? Kumbe umuntu to play safe, abalazo zombili enye ihlale ekhaya enye nxa ngihambile kuma conference? Siza manjinela.

Bilaz your honor

mitigating circumstance lapha yikuthi usalukazi wakhitshwa isiwiji emlonyeni. <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 05:03 AM

Kanti umthwakazi usenzani kusuka kuthini kanti lisibhubhisa ngembambo. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />


So let me get this straight,"the prosecutor says to the defendant,
"you came home from work early and found your wife in bed with a strange
man."

"That's correct,"says the defendant.

"Upon which," continues the prosecutor, "you take out a pistol and shoot
your wife, killing her."

"That's correct," says the defendant.

"Then my question to you is, why did you shoot your wife and not her
lover?" asked the prosecutor.

"It seemed easier, "replied the defendant, "than shooting a different
man every day
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 05:05 AM

Husband says to wife, your bum looks like a braai stand, wife gets offended
and sleeps.


At night husband asks; "Wife, don't you feel like making love?"

Wife answers; "How can I light up a braai stand for just a small piece of
sausage!"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 06:53 AM

Sgero hk hk hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> When you can get to insert your dickette into Girfriend system you will be able to save a lot of Excitement.sex files. Girlfriend work well as a backup server. Just make sure Wife 1.0 is properly configured, and has not registered the presence of Girlfriend system, otherwise you may have to visit www.divorce.com.

Ngiyazama mfowethu, ngamabala empintshi-manjinela. Mina ngiyi sphofu kundaba zezigxingi lezi.
<img src="http://users.telenet.be/benjamin.carlier/av-6.gif" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 01:53 PM

Fatherly Advice


Koos van der Merwe's nephew Stoffel, gets married and on his wedding night he calls his father to get some tips on what to do, since he had never been with a woman before.

"So what do I do first?"

Big Stoffel says, "Take her clothes off and lay her on the bed."
5 minutes later Stoffel is on the phone again. "She's naked and in bed, what do I do now?"

Big Stoffel can't believe what he is hearing. "Take your damn clothes off and get into bed with her."


After another 5 minutes Stoffel is on the phone again. "Dad, I'm naked and in bed with her what do I do now?"

Big Stoffel's patience is now running out so he says, "Dammit son, do I have to spell everything out for you? Just put the hardest thing on your body where she pees. Good night !!!!"

Just when Big Stoffel starts snoring, his son is on the phone again.


"OK Dad, I have my head in the toilet bowl, what do I do now?"


"Drown yourself "!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 02:23 PM

An unusual funeral procession approached a cemetery.There were two hearses, a solitary man walking a pitbull on a leash and behind them 200 men walking in a single file.

A bystander went up to the man with the dog. "I am so sorry for your loss and I know it's a bad time to disturb you but I've never seen a funeral procession like this.

Whose funeral is it?"

"That's my wife in the first hearse," the man said.

"What happened to her?"

"My dog attacked and killed her," he said.

"Who's in the second hearse?"

"My mother-in-law,"the man said."She was trying to help my wife when the dog turned on her."

A thoughtful moment of silence passed between the two men.Finally the bystander asked:

"Can I borrow the dog?"

"Join the queue."

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 03:45 PM

A first grade teacher, Mrs Brooks was having trouble with one of her
>students. The teacher asked, "Johnny what is your problem?"
>Johnny answered, "I am too smart for the first Grade.
>
>My sister is in the third grade and I am smarter than she is! I
>think I should be in third grade too."
>
>Mrs Brooks had had enough. She took Johnny to the principal's
>office. While Johnny waited in the outer office, the teacher explained to
>the principal what the situation was.
>
>The principal told Mrs Brooks he would give the boy a test and if
>he failed to answer any of his questions he was to go back to the
>first grade and behave. She agreed. Johnny was brought in and the
>conditions explained to him and he agreed to take the test.
>
>Principal: "What is 3 x 3?"
>
>Johnny: "9."
>
>Principal: "What is 6 x 6 ?"
>
>Johnny: "36."
>
>And so it went with every question the principal thought a third
>grade should know. The principal looks at Mrs Brooks and tells her, "I
>think Johnny can go to the third grade."
>
>Mrs Brooks says to the principal, "Let me ask him, some
>questions?"
>
>The principal and Johnny both agree.
>
>Mrs Brooks: "What does a cow have four of that I have only 2 of?
>
>Johnny, after a moment "Legs."
>
>Mrs Brooks: What is in your pants that you have but I do not
>have?"
>
>Johnny: "Pockets."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "What starts with C and ends with T, is hairy, oval
>and delicious and contains a whitish liquid?"
>
>Johnny: "Coconut."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "What goes in hard and pink and comes out soft and
>sticky?"
>
>The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
>answer, Johnny takes charge.....
>
>Johnny: "Bubblegum."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "What does a man do standing up, a woman does sitting
>down and a dog does on 3 legs?"
>
>The principal's eyes open really wide and before he could stop the
>answer.....
>
>Johnny: "Shake hands."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "Now I will ask some 'Who am I' questions, okay?"
>
>Mrs Brooks: "You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me
>up. I get wet before you do."
>
>Johnny: "Tent."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "A finger goes inside me. You fiddle with me when you're
>bored. The best man always has me first."
>
>The principal was looking restless and a bit tense.
>
>Johnny: "Wedding Ring."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "I have a stiff shaft. My tip penetrates. I come with a
>quiver?"
>
>Johnny; "Arrow."
>
>Mrs Brooks: "What word starts with F and ends in K and means a lot of
>heat and excitement?"
>
>Johnny: "Fire truck."
>
>The principal breathed a sigh of relief and said to the teacher,
>"Send Johnny to University, I got the last ten questions wrong myself!"
>
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 03:54 PM

suppose u r a girl

It's your first time.
As you lie back your muscles tighten.
You put him off for a while searching for an excuse, but he refuses to be swayed as he approaches you.
He asks if you're afraid and you shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first time his finger has found the right place.
He probes deeply and you shiver; your body tenses; but he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks deeply within your eyes and tells you to trust him - he's done this many times before.
His cool smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him more room for an easy entrance.
You begin to plead and beg him to hurry, but he slowly takes his time, wanting to cause you as little pain as possible.
As he presses closer,going deeper, you feel the tissue give way; pain surges throughout your body and you feel the slight trickle of blood as he continues.
He looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too painful.
Your eyes are filled with tears but you shake your head and nod for him to go on.
He begins going in and out with skill but you are now too numb to feel him within you.
After a few moments, you feel something bursting within you and he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to have it over.
He looks at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a chuckle; that you have been his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your dentist.
After all,it was your first time to have a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty! What were you thinkin'?
Hahahahah
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/04/05 04:19 PM

Dok lo Bunandi

Bengikhuluma labaqeqetshi kwenye inyuvesi bathe ngilitshele ukuthi wena Dok lo Johnny ka Bunandi liyathola ama doctorates one time.

Dok eyakho izaba ngeye software engineering kuthi uJohnny ngeye Social Sciences
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/07/05 11:59 PM

The priest in a small Irish village was very fond of the chickens he kept in the hen house out the back of the parish manse. He had a cock rooster and about ten hens.

One Saturday night the cock rooster went missing and as that was the time he suspected cock fights occurred in the village he decided to do something about it at church the next morning.

At Mass, he asked the congregation "Has anybody got a cock?" - all the men stood up.

"No No" he s aid "That wasn't what I meant. Has
anybody seen a cock?" - all the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen a cock that doesn't belong to them." - half the women stood up.

"No No" he said "That wasn't what I meant. Has anybody seen my cock?" -

All the nuns stood up.

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/08/05 05:17 AM

Has to be Irish.

A man walks into a bar, orders 3 pints of beer and sits in the back of
the
room drinking a sip out of each one in turn. When he finishes them, he
comes
back to the bar and orders 3 more. The bartender tells him "You know, a
pint
goes flat after I draw it; it would taste better if you bought one at a
time." The man replies: "Well, you see, I have 2 brothers. One is in
America, the other in England and I'm here in Australia. When we all
left
home, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days when we
drank together." The bartender admitted that this was a nice custom.
The man
becomes a regular in the bar and always drinks in the same way: he
orders 3
pints and drinks them in turn. One day, he comes in and orders 2 pints.
All
the other regulars notice and fall silent. When he comes back to the
bar for
the second round, the bartender says "I don't want to intrude on your
grief
but I wanted to offer my condolences on your great loss." The man looks
confused for a moment, then it occurs to him what's happening. "Oh, no"
he
says, "everyone's fine. I've just quit drinking!"
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/08/05 06:48 PM

The greatest pain in life is not to die, but to be ignored.

A little boy was so jealous of his new born brother that he put poison

on the nipple of his mom while she was asleep.
Now comes the sad part ....


........... the next day the postman died.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/08/05 06:57 PM

Husband says to wife, your bum looks like a braai stand, wife gets
offended and sleeps.

At night husband asks; "Wife, don't you feel like making love?" Wife
answers; "How can I light up a braai stand for just a small piece of
sausage!"
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/08/05 06:57 PM

Tsunami

Ngifuna ukukweyisa ngembambo!!
Posted by: zwide

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/08/05 11:46 PM

A woman gets into a bus carrying her baby...
the Bus driver sees the child and start telling
the woman that the child is ugly and he has never seen such an ugly baby....

The woman is angry as she walk to the back seat fuming how rude the busdriver was ....as she sits down still angry...she turns to the guy sitting next to her and says....

"i can not believe that the bus driver can be soo rude...by calling my child very ugly im going back and shout at him" ......
the other passenger looks at the lady and says " well i think he was rude too...why dont you leave the monkey you are carrying and go back and shout at him......"
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/09/05 05:17 AM

Ever noticed how deleting one word after the other
in a sentence can lead to a nice story?

Here's an example:
=========================================================
Oh John please don't touch me at all...!
Oh John please don't touch me at...!
Oh John please don't touch...!
Oh John please don't...!
Oh John please...!
Oh John..!
Ohhh......!!!!!!!!!!
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/09/05 05:21 AM

A young man walked into a jeweler's shop late one Friday, with a beautiful
young lady on his side. "I'm looking for a special ring for my girlfriend"
he said. The jeweler looks through his stock, and takes out an outstanding
ring priced at ?4500.


"I don't think you understand ... I want something very unique", he said.
At that, the jeweler went and fetched his special stock from the safe.
"Here's one stunning ring at ?33000." The girls' eyes sparkled, and the
young man said that he would take it.


"How are you paying?", asked the jeweler.


"I'll pay by cheque, but of course the bank would want to make sure that
everything is in order, so I'll write a cheque and you can phone the bank
Monday and I'll collect the ring on Monday afternoon".

Monday morning a very irate jeweler phones the man. "You lied there's no
money in that account."


"I know, but can you imagine what a fantastic weekend I had?"
Posted by: Gazilikababa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/09/05 07:11 AM

One day there was a guy who was driving to a nearby
town. He was in a hurry, so he took a back road to
get
there faster, when all of a sudden his car broke
down.
A nearby farmer saw him stranded so he invited him
to
stay the night. He said, "The only bed I have that
you
can sleep in is with my daughter, but if I catch you
fooling around with her I'll shoot you". "To make
sure
that you don't I'm going to put some eggs between
both
of you and if they are broken in the morning then
you
are going to die".

So the guy agreed. In the middle of the night the
girl wanted to get it on so they did. In the middle
of
the skirmish they broke all of the eggs. The guy
didn't want to get shot so he cleaned up the mess
and
glued the egg shells back together.

In the morning the farmer came into his daughter's
room and found that all of the eggs were still
intact.
The farmer was so happy that he invited the guy to
have breakfast with him. So he gathered up all of
the
eggs and took them to the kitchen. He cracked the
first one open and nothing was inside it. He cracked
the second one and still nothing and so on.

When he found out that all of them had nothing in
them he grabbed his shotgun and ran outside. He
opened
the chicken shed door and yelled out "ALLRIGHT,
WHICH
ONE OF YOU ROOSTERS HAS BEEN USING CONDOMS?!?"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/10/05 04:32 PM

Dear my habhurossi

Thanks plenti for yours that reached me a couple of days ago, here I am doung fine through I miss you so much like maize miss water in a drought.Here life is half half like carrying of a donkey.Shaaz you are rough like a bed of mapuranga, the last time I writting you you not replied my mail why why why.

I was made at you for sure but i still love you.I want you to be the mother of my children and I want to give you happy when I closing schools for holiday . Love without romance is like tea without sugar so I cant wait to open that tin of jam between your legs, that day fornication will take place and the grass will suffer.

You telling me last year that you are still a virgil and I sleeping with you first time some people say it painful and blood comes out, but you know I am strong such that even it painful I won't cry and you not cry too but if it too painful we will crying hand in hand.

I know my thing wants it coz that day when I kissing you kuma one room my thing elected and was wanting to have some funnies but I not have condoms so I forgetting it but my testicles were paining when you go.I asking a friend and he tells me it happens if you dont having sex after touching darling I willl die if I think of living without you because you are replacable, without you i can't go on. Everytime I see you my heart goes ka boom with happing.If I come home I will save money and bought you a dress I see at power sales then go with you for a honey moon by the river where we looking at naked people bathing in the river.I have to run to books for they are calling me to read them

Say hie to all your friends especially that girl we meeted at the shops with pink tenderfoot shoes and green trousers. I have to go and please pliz uplease purizi reply my mail or I will died.

Loved always

Sweetwero Mudapakati

Special dedications
uri roja - exra large
the blair that eye no -tambawoga
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/11/05 08:19 AM

HOW DO YOU DO, BACK TO ME HALF HALF IMTHWALO YEDONKI, IMBIJANA MBIJANA NJENGOKUKHULA KWABO GUYUGUYU.
INIKISI BANDLA

NGITHEMBA LONKE LIZ'PHILELE...KUNJANI EMA EREAS.

NGIYALIBINGELELA JUST


AHOYO !!!!
Posted by: Mayisukela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/11/05 08:27 AM

back to back


Otherwise Sowetho ung'kwamule ngeyinye ilaughing yomhlathi,

Ngulale uza nazo...yizo topi,,,kusafuze sihleke,,,why not...????


Ezandleni !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
ngiyabonga....lakusasa
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/11/05 01:02 PM

How about this???????

Lawyers should never ask a witness a question if they aren't prepared for the answer.

In a trial, a Southern small town prosecuting attorney called his first
witness, a grand motherly, elderly woman to the stand.

He approached her and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know me?"

She responded, "Why, yes I do know you, Mr. Williams. I've know you
since you were a young boy, and frankly, you've been a big
disappointment to me. You lie, you cheat on your wife, you manipulate
people and talk about them behind their backs. You think you're a big
shot when you haven't the brains to realize you never will amount to
anything more than a two-bit paper pusher. Yes, I know you."

The Lawyer was stunned! Not knowing what else to do, he pointed across
the room and asked, "Mrs. Jones, do you know the defence attorney?"

She again replied, "Why yes, I do. I've known Mr. Bradley since he was a
youngster too. He's lazy, bigoted, and he has a drinking problem. He
can't build a normal relationship with anyone and his law practice is
one of the worst in the entire state. Not to mention he cheated on his
wife with three different women. One of them was your wife. Yes, I know
him." The defense attorney almost died.

The judge asked both counselors to approach the bench, and in a very
quiet voice, said, "If either of you bastards asks her if she knows me,
I'll throw your sorry asses in jail for contempt."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/12/05 02:32 PM

Late one evening two gentleman were walking down the avenues when they passed avery respectable looking girl.As she passed one says to the other"I'd give ?50 to spent a night with her."The girl overhead,turned and said"It's a bargain."The man immeditely said goodnight to his friend and took the lady to her flat.

The next morning the man got up,put up ?25,prepared to go.She asked for the rest of the money.adding"If you don't pay up I'II sue you for it."The man laughed and departed.

A few days later he got a summons.He rushed off to his solicitor,who said"She can't possibly recover it from you for that,but it will be interesting to see what her lawyer makes of it."After the usual preliminaries,the lady's Counsel rose and said"Your Honour,my client,this lady,is the owner of a delightful piece of property,a garden spot,surrounded by shrubbery,which she agrees to rent to the defendant for 50pounds for a special length of time.The defendant took possession,used repeatedly for the purpose for which he had rented it,but upon leaving the premises he paid only half the agreed price.The rent was not excessive since this was a restricted property,and we asked for judgement for the balance."

The defendant lawyer was amused by this,but he thought it would'd save his client embrassment if he replies in the same terms."Your Honour,"he said,"my client agrees that this lady has a very attractive piece of property,that he did rent it,and derived great pleasure from the transaction.However,my client found a well on the property,around which he placed his own stones,opened a shaft,and erected a pump,supplying all his own material,and personally using his own labour.These improvements to the property were more than enough to offset the unpaid amount,and we submit that the plaintiff was adequately compensated.

"The modest maiden lawyer replied,"My client agrees that the defendant did find a well on the property,and that he did carry out the work and make the improvements desribed.However,had the defendant not known the well was there,he would not have rented the shrubbery in the first place.Also on giving up the lease,the defendant removed his stones and pulled up the shaft,and took the pump away with him.Moreover,your Honour,in doing so he not only dragged his equipment through the shrubbery,but he left the hole much larger than it was prior to his occupancy,making it easily accessible to small boys.I ask for judgement for the lady.

The Judge said in view of her action, it was only right that the young lady should be covered, and he found accordingly.

----------------
"Share your knowledge.It's a way to achieve immortality"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 10:42 AM

Ah lina liyangi chaza, ahh!
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 10:43 AM

Bafowethu,

Kuthiwa umgabe usengu "YO Waasup" ilihlo kalincitshwa.
http://www.thewayifeelit.homestead.com/PresidentOpinion.html


--------------------------------------------------
It is better to be murdered <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> by your owm sworn enemies, than by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 02:06 PM

A bus stops and 2 Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting next to them ignores them at
first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say
the following:

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one lasta time."
" You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly.
"In this country.......we don't speak aloud in public places about
our seex lives........" "Hey, coola down lady," said the man.
"Who talkin' abouta seex? I'm a justa tellin' my frienda how to spella
'Mississippi'."

I BET YOU GONNA READ THIS AGAIN!!!!!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 04:51 PM

ndumshyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy uyangichaza uyazi u surely rockk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 05:46 PM

ndumshy..uyangibulala bra!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" />
Posted by: Maqhamehlezi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/14/05 11:00 PM

Tsunami

No-no-no,hk hk hk, uyithole kuphi le jibe.mfethu ingikitaze yangikitaza, also ilink yakho ine picture qho engikhumbuza iSkies ee-issh u9th Avenue no Jason Moyo Sreet.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 01:44 AM

Ndumshy Hayi boh sixolele! <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />


CHINESE PROVERBS


*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run in front of car get tired.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who run behind car get exhausted.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who walk through airport turnstile sideways going to Bangkok.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man with one chopstick go hungry.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who scratch ass should not bite fingernails.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who eat many prunes get good run for money.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Baseball is wong: man with four balls cannot walk.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who drive like hell, bound to get there.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who stand on toilet is high on pot.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Man who fart in church sit in own pew.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Crowded elevator smell different to midget.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 09:06 AM

tshisa mabila woza nazo hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 09:09 AM

>Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss.
>But I only slept with you, because I was pi*sed.
>************************
>I thought that I could love no other.
>Until, that is, I met your brother.
>*************************
>Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet and so are you.
>But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl's
>empty
>and so is your head.
>*************************
>Of loving beauty you float with grace.
>If only you could hide your face.
>***************************
>Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
>This describes everything you are not.
>***************************
>I want to feel your sweet embrace.
>But don't take that paper bag off of your face.
>****************************
>I love your smile, your face, and your eyes.
>Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
>****************************
>My darling, my lover, my beautiful husband:
>Marrying you screwed up my life.
>**************************
>I see your face when I am dreaming.
>That's why I always wake up screaming.
>
>******************************
>My love, you take my breath away.
>What have you stepped in to smell this way?
>******************************
>My feelings for you no words can tell.
>Except for maybe "go to hell".
>*******************************
>What inspired this amorous rhyme?
>Two parts vodka, one part lime.
>
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 11:16 PM

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A WOMAN

Between the ages of 18-21 a woman is like Africa or Australia. She
is half
discovered, half wild and naturally beautiful with bushland around
the
fertile deltas.

Between the ages of 21-30 a woman is like Switzerland or Japan.
Completely
discovered, very well developed and open to trade especially with
countries
with cash or cars.

Between the ages of 30-35, she is like India or Spain. Very hot,
relaxed and
convinced of its own beauty.

Between the ages of 35-40 a woman is like France or Argentina. She
may have
been half destroyed during the war but can still be a warm and
desirable
place to visit.

Between the ages of 40-50 she is like Yugoslavia or Iraq. She lost
the war
and is haunted by past mistakes. Massive reconstruction is now
necessary.

Between the ages of 50 - 60 she is like Russia or Canada. Very
wide, quiet
and the borders are practically unpatrolled but the frigid climate
keeps
people away.

Between the ages of 60-70 a woman is like Mongolia. With a glorious
and all
conquering past but alas no future.

After 70, they become Albania or Afghanistan. Everyone knows where
it is,
but no one wants to go there.

THE GEOGRAPHY OF A MAN
Between the ages of 15-70 a man is like America - led by a prick
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 11:24 PM

Ouch, yu're one cruel chick Bunandi!!!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 11:37 PM

soweto u rockkkkkkkkkk uhlalunjeeeeeeee <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/15/05 11:00 PM

THIS IS NOT A JOKE BUT ABAZIYO BATHI:

GOD MADE MAN
MAN MADE MONEY
MONEY MADE MAN GO MAD
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 04:59 AM

John asks his grandpa: "Do you still have sex with
> > Granny?"
> > Grandpa says: "Yes, but only Oral".
> >
> > John says: "what is oral?"
> >
> > Grandpa: "I say F*#k you, and she says:F*#k you too"
> >
> ________________________________________________________
> >
> > The 3 tragedies in a man's life:
> >
> > 1- life sucks
> >
> > 2- job sucks
> >
> > 3- Wife does NOT!
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________
> >
> > A man is dying of cancer. His son: "Dad why you keep
> > telling
> > people you're dying of AIDS??". Answer: "so that
> > when I die, no
> > one will dare to f#$k your mother."
> >
> >
> _________________________________________________________
> >
> > YESTERDAY NEWS: A nun jogging in the park was raped.
> >
> > TODAY'S NEWS: Hundreds of nuns are jogging in the
> > park!
> >
> _________________________________________________________
> >
> > Question: "Why is a waist called a waist?"
> >
> > Answer: "because anything above the p*#sy and below
> > the tits
> > is a waste"
> >
> _________________________________________________________
> >
> > A lady tells her Man: "I demand good manners in bed,
> > just like
> > at the dinner table".The man climbs into bed slowly
> > and says:
> > Honey, would you please pass me the vagina?"
> >
> _________________________________________________________
> >
> > Question: "what's the similarity between a
> > good-looking,
> > faithful, rich husband who satisfies his wife
> > sexually every
> > night and Bin Laden?" "BOTH CANNOT BE FOUND"
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 07:19 AM

Politics Explained
A little boy goes to his dad and asks, "What's politics?"

Dad says, " Well son, let me try to explain it this way:

I'm the breadwinner of the family, so let's call me Capitalism. Your Mom, she's the administrator of the money, so we'll call her the Government. We're here to take care of your needs so we'll call you the People. The nanny, we'll consider her he Working Class. Now your baby brother, we'll call him the Future. Now, think about that and see if that makes sense."

So the little boy goes off to bed thinking about what Dad has said. Later that night, he hears his baby brother crying, so he gets up to check on him, and he finds that the baby has severely soiled his diaper. So the little boy goes to is parents' room and finds his mother fast asleep. Not wanting to wake her, he goes to the nanny's room. Finding the door locked, he peeks in the keyhole and sees his father in bed with the nanny. He gives up and goes back to bed.

The next morning, the little boy says to to his father, " I think I understand Politics now."

The father replies, "Good son, tell me in your own words what you think it is."

The boy promptly answers, "Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is fast asleep, the People are being ignored, and the Future is in deep shit."
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 07:42 AM

- Dispatcher: Nine-one-one What's the nature of your emergency?

- Caller: My wife is pregnant and her contractions are only two minutes apart.

- Dispatcher: Is this her first child?

- Caller: No, you idiot! This is her husband

- Dispatcher: Nine-one-one

- Caller: Yeah, I'm having trouble breathing. I'm all out of breath. Darn...I think I'm going to pass out.

- Dispatcher: Sir, where are you calling from?

- Caller: I'm at a pay phone. North and Foster. Damn......

- Dispatcher: Sir, an ambulance is on the way. Are you an asthmatic?

- Caller: No

- Dispatcher: What where you doing before you started having trouble breathing?

- Caller: Running from the police
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 02:31 PM

A woman awakes during the night, and her husband isn't in bed with her. She goes downstairs to look for him.
She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.
"What's the matter, dear?" she asks. "Why are you down here at this time of night?"
The husband looks up from his coffee, "Do you remember 20 years ago when we were dating, and you were only 16?" he asks solemnly.
"Yes, I do," she replies.
"Do you remember when your father caught us in the back
seat of my car making love?"
"Yes, I remember," says the wife, lowering herself into
a chair beside him.
The husband continues, "Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face and said, 'Either you marry my daughter, or I'll send you to jail for 20 years?'"
"I remember that, too," she replies softly.
He wipes another tear from his cheek and says, "I would have gotten out today."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 07:35 PM

hk hk hk hk hk wena ndumsyyyyyyyyy imiklomela ingabuya wena uzaba kutop 1 ngoba a yi uyarocka yazi


hlalunje
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/16/05 10:38 PM

>>> >>>How to make a woman happy?
>>>
>>> >>>It's really not difficult...
>>>
>>>
>>> >>>To make a woman happy; a man only needs to be :
>>>
>>> >>>1. a friend
>>> >>>2. a companion
>>> >>>3. a lover
>>> >>>4. a brother
>>> >>>5. a father
>>> >>>6. a master
>>> >>>7. a chef
>>> >>>8. an electrician
>>> >>>9. a carpenter
>>> >>>10. a plumber
>>> >>>11. a mechanic
>>> >>>12. a decorator
>>> >>>13. a stylist
>>> >>>14. a sexologist
>>> >>>15. a gynaecologist
>>> >>>16. a psychologist
>>> >>>17. a pest exterminator
>>> >>>18. a psychiatrist
>>> >>>19. a healer
>>> >>>20. a good listener
>>> >>>21. an organiser
>>> >>>22. a good father
>>> >>>23. very clean
>>> >>>24. sympathetic
>>> >>>25. athletic
>>> >>>26. warm
>>> >>>27. attentive
>>> >>>28. gallant
>>> >>>29. intelligent
>>> >>>30. funny
>>> >>>31. creative
>>> >>>32. tender
>>> >>>33. strong
>>> >>>34. understanding
>>> >>>35. tolerant
>>> >>>36. prudent
>>> >>>37. ambitious
>>> >>>38. capable
>>> >>>39. courageous
>>> >>>40. determined
>>> >>>41. true
>>> >>>42. dependable
>>> >>>43. passionate
>>>
>>> >>>WITHOUT FORGETTING TO:
>>> >>>44. give her compliments regularly
>>> >>>45. love shopping
>>> >>>46. be honest
>>> >>>47. be very rich
>>> >>>48. not stress her out
>>> >>>49. not look at other girls
>>>
>>> >>>AND AT THE SAME TIME, YOU MUST ALSO:
>>> >>>50. give her lots of attention, but expect little yourself
>>> >>>51. give her lots of time, especially time for herself
>>> >>>52. give her lots of space, never worrying about where she
>>>goes
>>>
>>> >>>IT IS VERY IMPORTANT:
>>> >>>53. Never to forget:
>>> >>> * birthdays
>>> >>>* anniversaries
>>> >>>* arrangements she makes
>>>
>>>
>>> >>>HOW TO MAKE A MAN HAPPY :
>>> >>>1. Shag him
>>> >>>2. Leave him in peace
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 09:54 AM

An architecture asked a Town Planner a question.

What do you think was wrongly placed in a human's body?

A Town Planner said" I think the entertainment centre is too close to the sewerage system!!! "
Posted by: filabusi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 12:35 PM

Four "F"s a man should always ponder about women
Find them
Feed them
F--k them
Forget them
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 12:39 PM

Filabusi:::: <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 12:42 PM

Ukubingelelana!

Ngicela ukukhonzela umkhulu wami olaphayana eFolweni. Ngisuke lapho ngiye kubaba wezingane zami lena emayini eGoli. Ngithi baphile bo.

Ngibacelela ngengoma engiyithanda kakhulu msakazi. lena ka Lion Rich(Lionel Ritchie)
ethi Pennis Lover. (Penny Lover) uma ungayitholi leyo msakazi ikhona le yeTKZ ethi vele kuyabhejwana nje!(uphondo lukabhejane).
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 12:57 PM

Dear Sir / Madam

Thank you for your letter of 23 December. After careful consideration
I regret to inform you that I am unable to accept your refusal to offer
me
employment with your company.

This year I have been particularly fortunate in receiving an unusually
large number of rejection letters. With such a varied and promising
field of candidates it is impossible for me to accept all refusals.
Despite your company's outstanding qualifications and previous
experience in rejecting applicants, I find that your rejection does
not
meet my needs at this time.

Therefore I will start work with your company on Monday 4 January 2005
at
8.30 am. I look forward to seeing you then.

Yours .........
Soweto
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 01:15 PM

CHINOTIMBAS INTERVIEWS AFTER THE AFRICA CUP OF NATIONS IN TUNISIA


Cde Chinos Being interviewed by Farai in
Tunisia.

Farai: Firstly, cde Chinos we would just like to wish
you a happy birthday.

Chinos: Thank you, thank you, same to you.

Farai: how did you feel after Peter Scored such a
beautiful header.

Chinos: I felt immediately.

Farai: Young Nengoshama has just played an amazing
game. Where do you see him in a few years from now.

Chinos: we are going to the Sifakisi hotel.

Farai: Muhoni looks a lot fitter, what do you think is
his secret.

Chinos: Me thinking he works up every morning and run
away.

Farai: what was your reaction when Mugeyi was face to
face with the Pharaohs goalminder just before the
terrible miss.

Chinos. Me and cde Chigwere already
jumping up and down because think goal was.

Farai: What words of encouragement can you leave to
the fans and the rest of the folks in Zimbabwe.

Chinos: They must train very, very hard.

Farai: Lastly tell us about your family.

Chinos: I have one KIDS. I also have two brother
--------------------------------------------------
Press: What do you think Sunday Marimo should have done after the third
goal from Cameroon

Chinos: I expected him to substitute one defender and replace him
with Kapini, it was wise to have two goalkeepers against Cameroon

Press: Cde what should be done to improve the Zimbabwean soccer.

Chinos:Peter should playing all the time. Energy should touch the
balls when Mboma kicked the ball. Mugeyi should not kick ball over the
bar.
Supporters sing all night long till the match is over

--------------------------------------------------
Reporter: what do you think about the shortage of foreign currency in Zimbabwe?

Chinoz: Eeh, ndakataurira vakomana vekuReserve Bank kuti it's high time we

start printing our own foreign currency!!! Why depend on foreign currency

inobva kuAmerica nemaBritish?
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 01:23 PM

Man: "Can I buy you a whiskey?"

Lady: "No you can't, whiskey is bad for my legs"

Man: "Shame, do they swell?"

Lady: "No, they open!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 01:30 PM

Of course we know the Man Creation story from the Book of Genesis: Read the one below too!




Why do men pee standing up?

God was just about done creating man, but he had two things left over in his bag and He couldn't quite decide how to split them between Adam and Eve. He thought He might just as well ask them.



He told them one of the things He had left was a thing that would allow the owner to pee while standing up. "It's a very handy thing," God told them, "and I was wondering if either one of you had a preference for it."



Well, Adam jumped up and down and begged, "Oh, please give that to me! I'd love to be able to do that! It seems like just the sort of thing a man should have. Please! Pleeease! Give it to me!" On and on he went like an excited little boy. Eve just smiled and told God that if Adam really wanted it so badly, he could have it.



So God gave Adam the thing that allowed him to pee standing up. Adam was so excited he just started whizzing all over the place - first on the side of a rock, then he wrote his name in the sand, and then he tried to see if he could hit a stump ten feet away - laughing with delight all the while. God and Eve watched him with amusement and then God said to Eve, "Well, I guess you're kind of stuck with the last thing I have left.



"What's it called?" asked Eve.



" A Brain", said God
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/17/05 02:22 PM

Priorities.
The old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship holding her hat on tight so that it would not blow off in the wind. A gentleman approached her and said: "Pardon me, madam. I do not intend to be forward, but did you know that your dress is blowing up in this high wind?" "Yes, I know," said the lady, "I need both hands to hold onto this hat." "But, madam, you must know that you are not wearing a panty
and your privates are exposed!" said the gentleman in earnest. The woman looked down, then back up at the man and replied, "Sir,
anything you see down there is 89 years old. I just bought this hat yesterday!"
Posted by: Ndebele phaqa

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/18/05 11:09 PM

Hayi boooooooooo!! liyangibulala sibili

WHAT MAKES U AN "AFRICAN"???

1. You unwrap all your gifts carefully, so that you can reuse the wrapping.
2. You call a person you've never met before uncle or aunt.
3.More than 90% of the music CD's and cassettes in your home are illegal
copies
4. Your garage is always full of stuff because you never throw anything away, just in case you need it someday.(a gum boot without a partner and the baby walker - baby's now 12 and you are 48)
5. You have a collection of miniature shampoo bottle from your stays at hotels. (Gocool, Sweet heart, African pride....)
6. You have almost always carry overweight baggage when traveling by plane.
7. If a store has a limit on the quantity of a product, then each member of the family will join separate queues to purchase the maximum quantity possible. (sugar, soap, rice, cooking fat etc etc during old good days)
8. All children have annoying nicknames.
9. Nobody in your family informs you that they are coming over for a visit. (uncle, wife, sis-in-law, two nephews and a neighbour) have camped at home
10. You stuff your pockets with, mints and toothpicks at restaurants. (Murray mints, wrappers, and salt shakers!)
11. Your mother has a minor disagreement with her sister and does not talk to her for 10 years.
12. You only make telephone calls at a cheaper rate at night especially beepers).
13. You never have less than 20 people to meet you at the airport or see you off even if it is a local flight.
14. You keep changing your Internet Service Provide because the first month is free. (I know some people O!.....)
15. Office supplies mysteriously find their way to your home. (Yes, staple machine, office pins, punch machine, cellotapes, post-its, etc.)
16. When you are young, your parents buy you clothes and shoes at least two sizes too big so that they would last longer.
Note: Pass it on to other Africans, so they can know what truly makes them
African
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/18/05 11:10 PM

Bafowethu,

Q:What's the difference between a woman having her period and a terrorist?
A: You can negotiate with a terrorist.


AND THIS WAS WHAT WAS FOUND IN A WOMEN'S ADS
40-ish..........................49
Adventurer.................Slept with all your friends
Athletic.......................No tits
Average looking........Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.....................Pathological liar
Contagious Smile........Does a lot of Estasy
Educated....................Banged her Political Science professor
Emotionally Secure......On medication
Feminist......................Fat ballbuster
Free spirit.................Junkie
Friendship first.........Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Fun.............................Annoying
Gentle......................Comatose
Good Listener.........Borderline Autistic
New-Age...................All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............Lights out,missionary position only, no BJs
Open-minded............Desperate
Outgoing....................Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate................Sloppy drunk
Poet...........................Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional...............Certified bitch
Redhead....................Bad dye-job
Reubenesque..............Grossly fat
Romantic....................Looks better by candle light
Social........................Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous................Very fat Weight proportion /height..........Hugely fat - as tall as she is wide
Wants Soulmate........Stalker-widow - drove first husband to suicide
Young at heart..........Old bat

MEN'S ADS
40-ish....................52 and looking for 25-yr-old
Athletic..................Watches a lot of sports on TV
Average looking.......Unusual hair growth on ears, nose, & back
Educated..............Will patronize the shit out of you
Free Spirit........... Banging your sister
Friendship first......... As long as friendship involves nookie
Fun.....................Good with a remote and a six pack
Good looking..........Arrogant
Very good looking........Thick as 2 short planks
Honest...................Pathological Liar
Huggable.............. Overweight, more body hair than a bear
Likes to cuddle....... Insecure mamma's boy
Mature................ Older than your father
Open-minded........Wants to sleep with your roommate but she's not interested
Poet.....................Wrote ex-girlfriend's no. in a phonebox
Sensitive...............Cries at chick flicks
Very sensitive........Gay
Spiritual................Got laid in a cemetery once
Stable...................Arrested for stalking, but not convicted
Thoughtful.............Says "Excuse me" when he farts


-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be murdered by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/18/05 12:24 PM

Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 09:40 AM

NIGHTMARE #1
After a long night of making love, the young guy rolled over,
pulled out a cigarette from his jeans and searched for his lighter
Unable to find it, he asked the girl if she had one at hand. "There
might be some matches in the top drawer," she replied. He opened
the drawer of the bedside table and found a box of matches sitting
neatly on top of a framed picture of another man. naturally, the
guy began to worry. "Is this your husband?" he inquired nervously.
"No, silly," she replied, snuggling up to him. "Your boyfriend
then?" he asked. "No, not at all," she said, nibbling away at his
ear. "Well, who is he then?" demanded the bewildered guy. Calmly,
the girl replied, "That's me before the operation."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 09:40 AM

NIGHTMARE #2
The spark had been lost in this guy's marriage, so he was trying to
think of a way to rekindle it. One night he came from work, and
found his wife asleep in bed. He thought to himself, "what should I
do?" "Oh-I know." He proceeded to get under the covers and go down
on his wife. Soon she began to gently squirm and moan in pleasure.
After a few minutes, her body spasmed with ecstasy as she climaxed.
Afterwards, the man went straight to the bathroom to brush his
teeth. When he got there, the light was on and he saw his wife
there shaving her legs. He exclaimed, "What are you doing in
here?!?" She said, "Shhhh!," pointing at the bed, "You'll wake your
mother"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 09:41 AM

NIGHTMARE #3
one night a guy takes his girlfriend home. As they are about to
kiss each other goodnight at the front door, the guy starts feeling
a little horny. With an air of confidence, he leans with his hand
against the wall and smiling, he says to her, "Honey, would you
give me a blow job?" Horrified, she replies, "Are you mad? My
parents will see us!" "Oh come on! Who's gonna see us at this
hour?" He asks grinning at her. "No, please. Can you imagine if we
get caught?" "Oh come on! There's nobody around, they're all
sleeping!" "No way. It's just too risky!" "Oh please, please, I
love you so much?!?" "No, no, and no. I love you too, but I just
can't!" "Oh yes you can. Please?" Out of the blue, the light on the
stairs goes on, and the girl's sister shows up in her pajamas, hair
disheveled, and in a sleepy voice she says, "Dad said go ahead
and give him a blow job, or I can do it. Or if need be, mom says
she can come down herself and do it But for God's sake tell him to
take his hand off the intercom!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 02:25 PM

Mafia Roberto is dying and he calls his grandson to his bed.

"Grandson, I wanna you lisina to me. I wanna for you to taka my chrome-plated .38 revolver so you will alwaysa remember me."

"But grandpa, I really don't like guns. How about you leaving me your Rolex watch instead?"

"You lisina to me. Somma day you gonna be runna da business, you gonna hava a beautiful wife, lotsa money, a biga home and maybe a coupla bambini. Somma day you gonna coma home and maybe finda you wife inna bed with another man.
Whatta you gonna do then?

Pointa to your watch and say, TIMESA UP ???"
Posted by: Ncincikadoyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 03:11 PM

Hk HK hk hk hk hk
Uyazi liyazephula imbambo zethu...
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 05:22 PM

Bandla,


What's worse than a male chauvinistic pig?
A: A woman who won't do what she's told.

Q: What do you call a woman with two brain cells?
A: Pregnant.

Q: What do you call a woman who has lost 95% of her intelligence?
A: Divorced.

Bush Has Tea With the Queen

While visiting England, George Bush is invited to tea with the Queen. He asks her what her leadership philosophy is. She says that it is to surround herself with intelligent people.

Bush asks how she knows if they're intelligent.

"I do so by asking them the right questions," says the Queen. "Allow me to demonstrate."

Bush watches as the Queen phones Tony Blair and says, "Mr. Prime Minister, please answer this question: your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or sister. Who is it?"

Tony Blair responds, "It's me, ma'am."

"Correct. Thank you and good-bye, sir," says the Queen. She hangs up and says, "Did you get that, Mr. Bush?"

Bush nods: "Yes ma'am. Thanks a lot. I'll definitely be using that!"

Bush, upon returning to Washington, decides he'd better put the Chairman of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee to the test. Bush summons Jesse Helms to the White House and says, "Senator Helms, I wonder if you can answer a question for me."

"Why, of course, sir. What's on your mind?"

Bush poses the question: "Uhh, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Helms hems and haws and finally asks, "Can I think about it and get back to you?"

Bush agrees, and Helms leaves. He immediately calls a meeting of other senior Republican senators, and they puzzle over the question for several hours, but nobody can come up with an answer. Finally, in desperation, Helms calls Colin Powell at the State Department and explains his problem.

"Now lookee here, son, your mother has a child, and your father has a child, and this child is not your brother or your sister. Who is it?"

Powell answers immediately, "It's me, of course."

Much relieved, Helms rushes back to the White House, finds George Bush, and exclaims, "I know the answer, sir! I know who it is! It's Colin Powell!"

And Bush replies in disgust, "Wrong, you dumb sh*t, it's Tony Blair!"


--------------------------------------------------

It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be kiiled by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 09:56 PM

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa manje so angiyindawo ngiyahlala la ngo ba ayi imbambo leqolo sokufuthi ngenxa yenu


U guys u rock
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 10:59 PM

Priest


One Sunday afternoon a parish priest had just
completed his intercessions when he was about to lock the Cathedral doors. To his amazement people
were crowded by the church street.

Willing to know what was happening he asked one of the Guys who explained that a rumor had circulated that a naked woman would pass through the street riding a horse.

Ah! exclaimed the priest it means I will have to wait too. It's been a long time since I last saw a horse.
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/19/05 11:49 PM

Bandla,


A South African is enjoying a hearty breakfast -
coffee, croissants, toast, butter & jam, etc. when
an American, chewing gum, sits next to him and
starts an unwanted conversation:
American: "You South Africans eat the whole bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (blowing bubble with his gum): "We don't. In
the States, we only eat what's inside. The crusts we
collect in a container, recycle, rebake them into
croissants and sell them to South Africa."
American: "D'ya eat jam with the bread?"
South African: "Of course."
American (chuckling and crackling his gum between his
teeth): "We don't. In the States we eat fresh fruit
for breakfast, put all the peels, seeds and left overs
into containers, recycle them into jam and sell it to
South Africa."
South African: "Do you have sex in America?"
American: "Of course we do."
South African: "And what do you do with the condoms?"
American: "Throw them away of course."
South African: "We don't. We put them in a
container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing
gum and sell it to America

-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be murderd by your own treacherous brother
Posted by: Mabonwabulawe

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/20/05 12:47 PM

Ok Tsumani....Hk Hk Hk Hk Hk Hk Hk Hk Hk
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/20/05 06:23 PM

Three Feelings:
What's the difference between stress, tension and panic?
Stress is when wife is pregnant, Tension is when girlfriend is pregnant,and
Panic is when both are pregnant.


Chinese Adam & Eve:
If Adam and Eve were Chinese, we would still be in paradise because they
would have ignored the apple and eaten the snake !


comanzi pliz save those ribs angikaqedi hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 11:18 PM

Bandla,

<img src="http://www.asianjoke.com/pix/images/patrioticduty.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 11:30 PM

aaaaaaaaaaaa tsunami hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 12:36 PM

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV.

The Evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body part where they wanted to be healed. Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her great pain. Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his male member.

Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it.

The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the dead!!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 12:40 PM

Hk hk hk hk khuzani uGuyuguyu besisadla boh hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 12:52 PM

Ndiwaqwabela izandla amaXhosa



Not long ago, there was a drought in a village in Transkei and the people of the village decided to go to the mountain to pray for the rain. AmaXhosa strongly believe that the oldest man in the village should be the one given the task to pray for the rain, and this has become a norm in the villages. So the people decided that an old man with the name of Mxesibe was to pray, as he was 97 years old and the oldest person in the village. The only problem was that no one in the village had ever heard him praying or ever had seen him going to church. This did not deter the villagers as they were getting desperate and looking forward to the prayer meeting. The day of the prayer came and after they had sung a few hymns, Mxesibe started to pray and the prayer was as follows;



"Thixo Uyise, Thixo unyana no Thixo umoya oyingcwele. Size apha namhlanje siguqe phantsi ngalamadolo omileyo sijongise impundu eziphatshileyo phezulu. Size apha sizokukucela ukuthi uke usiphe imvula, kudala SISINYA lelilanga."



All the people who were there got so embarrassed that this old man was insulting God and started to mumble. As if nothing had happened, the old man continued,



"Siyacela ukuthi uze ngokwakho emhlabeni ungathumeli u Yesu kuba ungumntwana, uzakulibala kukudlala sibe thina sisifa yindlala. Amen"



The people did not understand the prayer, however within 45 minutes after the prayer the rain did come down.
Posted by: zwane

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 05:12 PM

baba nansi imali akuyedinga osisi lapha ekhoneni ngobamina angisenelisi ukukusuthisa nansi ?10.afike ekhoneni uBanda osisi bamtshele ukuthi namhla yi holiday it's ?15.ancenge umdala kwehlule,ethi ebuyela ekhaya ahlangane lo maMguwe amtshele udaba lwakhe ,uBanda.Athi hayi nge?10 ngingakunceda,kutsho umaMguwe.Afike ekhaya umama abuze"lihambe njani baba"?ahh kwehlule bakhwelile lamhla kodwa ngincedwe ngumaMguwe.abuze umama"ukuphile ichange"hatshi!etsho uBanda."hamba,hamba khathesi uyahlanya mina indoda yakhe ngiyenzela ?5.hamb'othath'ichange yakho.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 05:24 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/22/05 05:25 PM

Zwane <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> Fika kuhle Muntomdala hk hk hk

Kule ZRP khonangapho! Sizakubophisa ungephula imbambo zethu hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 12:49 AM

Bandla,

<img src="http://www.gpsa.co.za/Jokes/Apartheid/black_white.jpg" alt=" - " />


--------------------------------------------------
it is better to be killed by your sworn enermy, than to be murdered by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 04:13 PM

A construction worker on the 3rd floor of a building needs a
handsaw,and spots another man on the 1st floor. He yells down to him,
but
the noise makes it impossible to hear anything, so he tries sign
language.

He points at his eye meaning "I", points at his knee meaning "need",
and moves his hand back and forth in a handsaw motion. The man on the
1st floor nods his head, pulls down his pants, and starts masturbating.
The man on the 3rd floor gets so angry he runs down to the 1st floor
and
shouts, "What the f*ck is wrong with you, idiot? I said I needed a
handsaw!"

The other guy says, "I knew that, I was just trying to tell you I'm
coming."
Posted by: zwane

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 04:39 PM

Josikeyi
ungabulali abantu so.
Posted by: zwane

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 04:53 PM

Banda njalo.
After a couple of drinks he chatted with this lady and they ended up in bed together endlini kaBanda.
Kuthe ekuseni uBanda esefuna imorning glory yekuseni wayinyikinya intombi yakhe."Vuka phera Dari wami kesithi kha!igazi lithi vrrrr then istress s'phele.
abone no reply uBanda.
Later he discovers ukuthi uDarly uqulekile.Abize i ambulance uBanda,bafike esbhedlela bamtshele uBanda ukuthi uDarly wakhe is suffering from sugar diabetis."Wooo isugar dayibhesi".Kuyini ke lokho dokotera?."umkhahlane we tshukela", baba Banda.

Yah! dokotera wacinisile mawuthi umkhushane we tshukela ngoba uwunandi wakhona engibuzwe izoro itshukera kuphera,very sweet ngiyakushera.
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 10:29 PM

Bafowethu,
<img src="http://www3.telus.net/public/ehopkins/funny-pictures/foul.jpg" alt=" - " />

-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy, than to be murdred by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: Ncincikadoyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/23/05 11:31 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
sengephuke imbambo zomhlubulo owodwa zihlobo hayi ah futhi uyazi liyangichaza njani ...
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 12:07 AM

UYABONA KE JOSKEYI UNGENZA SO UZABOTSHELWA I HOMICIDE USUSBULLELE NGEMBAMBO. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

WOZA LAZO KE LAWE ZWAX NES ZWAX(ZWANE). <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 12:38 AM

Bandla,
the difference between American women and European women.

<img src="http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/euro_vs_america.jpg" alt=" - " />



-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be murdered by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 05:09 AM

So there was this catholic priest TRUST MOLAI who had an eye for beautiful ladies and it so happened that amongst the nuns there was one who was so beautiful and everytime he was trying to get his way with her and failing. So one day he decides to take the nun with him to visit the sick and elderly in the villages, as you know in the rural areas sometimes you use the road in bushy areas to get to some homesteads so it was in such areas that the priest stopped his vehicle and said 'Sister the car is out of petrol'
AND SO THE NUN WAS SHOCKED AND ASKED WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO.
So the priest qoutes this verse that says 'FOR WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE' and proceeds to kneel down and pray. Within seconds he is up and sticks his manhood in the fuel tank and makes as if he is urinating and they get back into the car and suprise suprise the car starts and there the nun is thinking this is power of prayer....
So after a short distance in a bushy area again the car stops and father asks
"SISTER dont u also have PETROL HERE my tank 'bladder" is dry for now and sister hurries to the tank lifts her skirt and tries to squirt it into the tank.
The father says 'AHH SISTER you are wasting petrol PETROL....'
This goes on and then sister says What should I do?
Father says okay Come here and I Stick in my pipe and drain it out
Then I will use my pipe to put it in the tank
We will save lots of it.SO Father puts it into sister's punani

Guess what the sister was heard saying
Drain it all, wipe it out all even from the sides. dont leave a drop.
SO it went like that sister saying after every few km
I now got some more petrol
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 11:27 PM

Jo!

You are the Bomb uyishaye saSkhokho ntwana.


-------------------------------------------------
IAM NOT AN EXTREMIST,NEITHER AM I A FUNDAMENTALIST BREEDING GROUND FOR SUICIDE BOMBERS!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 12:18 PM

aaaaaaaaaaaaaa joskeyi u surely rock bra <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 01:36 PM

A man walks past a beggar every day and gives him R10 and that continues for a year. Then suddenly the daily donation changes to R7,50.
"Well," the beggar thinks, "it's still better than nothing."
A year passes in this way until the man's daily donation suddenly becomes R5.
"What's going on now?" the beggar asks his donor. "First you give me R10 every day, then R7,50 and now only R5. What's the problem?"
"Well," the man says, "last year my eldest son went to university. It's very expensive, so I had to cut costs. This year my eldest daughter also went to university, so I had to cut my expenses even further."
"And how many children do you have?" the beggar asks.
"Four," the man replies.
"Well," says the beggar, "I hope you don't plan to educate them all at my expense."
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 01:53 PM

Two guys, who are specialists in their field, are asked to do a presentation for a group of deaf people. Unfortunately these guys know nothing about sign langauge and, being very busy men, they really couldn't afford to take time off to learn sign language. But being men of high intelligence, they agreed that they would improvise and just go with the flow.
On the day of the presentation, the first guy goes on stage. He starts by putting his hand on his chest, then his chin, raises his thumb, then the hand motion used when calling someone. He then proceeds and gives his Powerpoint Presentation. When he's through, his colleague asks him what he meant by all those motions. He explains that by putting hand on chest (breasts) he meant ladies, chin meant Gentleman, the raised thumb and hand motion means welcome.

The other guy takes the stage and proceeds to do all the motions his colleague had done, but then to everybody's surprise, drops his pants and musturbates furiously. He then proceeds and does his presentation. At the end his colleague asks him what the mustrubation was all about and he answers "Oh, that, I just meant ladies and gentlemen, it is my great pleasure..."
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 05:25 PM

What happens when u withdraw money from ITHALA BANK ATM's

ATM prompts:
"Faka ikhadi lakho, ucindezele izinombolo zakho eziyimfihlo uzobona
izinkayezi emshinini. Uma uqeda cindezela inkinobho eluhlaza ebhalwe
'ENTER' ngombala omnyama"

ATM prompts:
"Ufuna malini namhlanje?"
Client presses:
"Amalandi ayikhulu mnumzane"

ATM asks:
"Uthi uzwile nje ukuthi iSilo sifelwe ngumtwana,YEBO noma CHA?"
Client, up to date & well informed, presses:
"YEBO"

ATM says:
"Manje uzimisele nje ukuphonsa amasentshana ukukhombisa ukuzwelana
neSilo YEBO noma CHA?"
Client, feeling a bit annoyed now, presses:
"CHA"!

ATM says:
"Hamba uyoyidla nezifebe otshwaleni leyomadlana yakho lento elambayo
le!" and then it ejects the card so forcefully that it falls to the
ground, the client picks the card up from the ground.

ATM says:
"Lento enekhanda elikhulu"

Client says:
"Unyoko lowo"
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/24/05 08:35 PM

Bafethu,


Drink my Poison


here's this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I'm thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."


-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be murdered by your own treacherous brother
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 07:52 AM

To those of us who have children in our lives, whether they are our own, grandchildren, nieces, nephews, or students...here is something to make you chuckle. Whenever your children are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God's omnipotence did not extend to His own children After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing he said was "DON'T!"
"Don't what?" Adam replied.
"Don't eat the forbidden fruit." God said.
"Forbidden fruit? We have forbidden fruit? Hey Eve..we have forbidden fruit!!!!!"
"No Way!"
"Yes way!"
"Do NOT eat the fruit!" said God.
"Why"
"Because I am your Father and I said so!" God replied, wondering why He hadn't stopped creation after making the elephants. A few minutes later, God saw His children having an apple break and He was ticked! "Didn't I tell you not to eat the fruit?" God asked.
"Uh huh," Adam replied.
"Then why did you?" said the Father.
"I don't know," said Eve.
"She started it!" Adam said
"Did not!"
"Did too!"
"DID NOT!"

Having had it with the two of them, God's punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus the pattern was set and it has never changed.

BUT THERE IS REASSURANCE IN THE STORY! If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give children wisdom and they haven't taken it, don't be hard on yourself. If God had trouble raising children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?

THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!
1. You spend the first two years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next sixteen telling them to sit down and shut up.

2. Grandchildren are God's reward for not killing your own children.

3. Mothers of teens now know why some animals eat their young.

4. Children seldom misquote you. In fact, they usually repeat word for word what you shouldn't have said.

5. The main purpose of holding children's parties is to remind yourself that there are children more awful than your own.

6. We childproofed our homes, but they are still getting in.
ADVICE FOR THE DAY: Be nice to your kids. They will choose your nursing home one day.

AND FINALLY:

IF YOU HAVE LOT OF TENSION AND YOU GET A HEADACHE, DO WHAT IT SAYS ON THE ASPIRIN BOTTLE:

"TAKE TWO ASPIRIN" AND "KEEP AWAY FROM CHILDREN"!!!!!
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 02:28 PM

Married life is full of excitement and frustration:
* In the first year of marriage, the man speaks and the woman listens.
* In the second year, the woman speaks and the man listens.
* In the third year, they both speak and the neighbors listen.

It is true that love is blind but marriage is definitely an eye-opener.

Getting married is very much like going to the restaurant with friends. You order what you want, and when you see what the other fellow has, you wish you had ordered that.

It's true that all men are born free and equal, but some of them get married!

There was this man who muttered a few words in the church and found himself married. A year later he muttered something in his sleep and found himself divorced.

A happy marriage is a matter of giving and taking; the husband gives and the wife takes.

Son: How much does it cost to get married, Dad?
Father: I don't know son, I'm still paying for it.

Son: Is it true? Dad, I heard that in ancient China, a man doesn't know his wife until he marries.
Father: That happens everywhere, son, everywhere
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 02:55 PM

Iboyz ye maguswini labazali bayo were visiting ko Bulawayo for the first time so iboyz lo topi batshaya iround baya etoni umasalu weboyz yena esele eskokobeni. They were amazed by almost everything they saw, but especially by two shiny, silver walls that could move apart and back together again. Iboyz yabuza utopi , "What is this, Father?" utopi laye [never having seen an elevator] responded "Hayi lami angikaze ngibone into enje angazi sibili ukuthi kuyini lokhu"

While the boy and his father were watching wide-eyed, an old lady in a wheel chair rolled up to the moving walls and pressed a button. The walls opened and the lady rolled between them into a small room. The walls closed and the boy and his father watched small circles of lights with numbers above the walls light up. They continued to watch the circles light up in the reverse direction.

The walls opened up again and a beautiful 24-year-old woman stepped out.Iboyz yathi "baba ubonile ukuthi ugogo lowana ungene phakathi laphana waphuma enjani"? utopi kazange esafuna ukuqeda isikhathi sakhe wabesithi eboyizini "akuyekele ukulawula mani gijima uyebuya lonyoko sihle simfake phakathi"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 02:59 PM

A stranger was seated next to Little Johnny on the plane when the stranger turned to the Little Johnny and said, "Let's talk. I've heard that flights will go quicker if you strike up a conversation with your fellow passenger."

Little Johnny, who had just opened his book, closed it slowly, and said to the stranger, "What would you like to discuss?"

"Oh, I don't know," said the stranger. "How about nuclear power?"

"OK," said Little Johnny. "That could be an interesting topic. But let me ask you a question first. "A horse, a cow, and a deer all eat grass. The same stuff. Yet a deer excretes little pellets, while a cow turns out a flat patty, and a horse produces clumps of dried grass. Why do you suppose that is?"

"Jeez," said the stranger. "I have no idea."

"Well, then," said Little Johnny, "How is it that you feel qualified to discuss nuclear power when you don't know shit?"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 03:00 PM

A taxi passenger tapped the driver on the shoulder to ask him a question. The driver screamed, lost control of the car, nearly hit a bus, went up on the footpath, and stopped centimetres from a shop window.

For a second everything went quiet in the cab, then the driver said, "Look mate, don't ever do that again. You scared the daylights out of me!" The passenger apologized and said, "I didn't realize that a little tap would scare you so much. "The driver replied, "Sorry, it's not really your fault. Today is my first day as a cab driver. I've been driving a funeral van for the last 25 years."
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/25/05 05:41 PM

Queen Elizabeth, Bill Clinton and Robert Mugabe died and went straight to hell. Queen Elizabeth said, "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bill Clinton was so jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call
the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too." He
called and talked for about 2 minutes, then asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says, "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he writes a cheque and sat back on his chair.

Robert Mugabe was even more jealous and starts screaming, "I want to call Zim too, I want to see how everybody is doing there too. I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody"... He called Zim and he talked and talked and talked for about ten hours and then asked, "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says, "One dollar". Mugabe is stunned and says, "One dollar??? Only one dollar??" The devil says, "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it is a local call."
Posted by: Ncincikadoyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/26/05 12:19 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Soweto uyazi usuhle waziphoqoza imbambo zami
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/26/05 11:13 PM

Sgero lo Soweto lingibulele bafo, blayind. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
---------------------------------
After digging to a depth of 100 metres last year, Russian scientists found traces of copper wire dating back 1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand years ago.

So, not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed, American scientists dug 200 metres and headlines in the US papers read: "US scientists have found traces of 2000 year old optical fibres, and have concluded that their ancestors already had advanced high-tech digital telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."

One week later, the Mugaxaian newspapers reported the following: "After digging as deep as 500 metres, Mugaxaian scientists have found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that 5000 years ago, their ancestors were already using wireless technology.
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/26/05 11:39 PM

Soweto,

Uyinja Gazi, iskhokho ngempela 7 up Guluva.

-------------------------------------------------
It is better to be killed by your sworn enermy,
than to be murdered by your own treacherous brother.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 03:00 AM

Bafowethu.

Kuthiwa oku PASI kwakubiza isakhamuzi kufuna UMGOQO WESIBAYA khona kusithi, "Nyifuna shivaro shankomo."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 09:45 AM

After digging to a depth of 100m last year, Russian
scientists found traces of copper wiring dating back
1000 years, and came to the conclusion that their
ancestors already had a telephone network one thousand
years ago.

So as not to be outdone, in the weeks that followed,
American scientists dug 200m, and headlines in the US
newspapers read: "US scientists have found traces of
2000 year old optical fibers and have concluded that
their ancestors already had advanced high tech digital
telephone 1000 years earlier than the Russians."
One week later, a Mthwakazian scientist Eng Njabulo
Nkambule, reported the following: "After digging as
deep as 500m at Matojeni Hills, Mthwakazi scientists
found absolutely nothing. They have concluded that
5000 years ago,their ancestors were already using
wireless mobile phones."

MAYIHLOME
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 11:09 PM

Hmmmm clever huh


A single woman decided to take matters into her own hands and place an ad in the local paper describing the man she wanted to spend the rest of her life with.

Her advertisement read, "Want a man who won't beat me, who won't run away from me and who is excellent in bed!"

Within a few days she was approached by several men who she turned away. Then one day she opened her door to a man with no arms and no legs.
Very surprised the woman asked him what he wanted. "I'm here to answer your ad," he said.


"How do you fill my requirements," the lady asked, very confused.
"Well," said the man, "I have no arms, I will never beat you and I have no legs, I will never run away from you."
"So what about my third requirement?" asked the woman. "What makes you think you are any good in bed?"

The man responded with a smile, "How do you think I rang your doorbell?"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 11:15 PM

Sex Is No Excuse!

A high school English teacher reminds her class of tomorrow's final
exam.

"Now class, I won't tolerate any excuses for you not being there tomorrow. I might consider a nuclear attack or a serious personal injury or illness, or a death in your immediate family - but that's it, no other excuses whatsoever!"

A smart-ass guy in the back of the room raises his hand and asks, "What would you say if tomorrow I said I was suffering from complete and utter sexual exhaustion?"

The entire class does its best to stifle their laughter and snickering. When silence is restored, the teacher smiles sympathetically at the student, shakes her head, and sweetly says,

"Well, I guess you'd have to write the exam with your other hand."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 11:21 PM

Wet Smokers

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom.

Lady 1: Where'd you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, the first lady hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.

The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits a Camel."
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 11:21 PM

Wet Smokers

Two old ladies were outside their nursing home having a smoke, when it started to rain. One of the ladies pulled out a condom, cut off the end, put it over her cigarette, and continued smoking.

Lady 1: What's that?

Lady 2: A condom.

Lady 1: Where'd you get it?

Lady 2: You can get them at any drugstore.

The next day, the first lady hobbled into the local drugstore and announced to the pharmacist that she wanted to buy a package of condoms.

The guy looked at her kind of strangely (she was, after all, in her 80s), but politely asked what brand she preferred.

"Doesn't matter," she replied, "as long as it fits a Camel."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 02/28/05 12:49 PM

hk hk hk hk hk nca ayi a kunzima <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/01/05 01:33 AM

GRANDMA AND GRANDPA

Grandma and Grandpa were watching a healing service on TV. The Evangelist called to all who wanted to be healed to go to their TV set, place one hand on the TV and the other hand on the body
part where they wanted to be healed.

Grandma got up and slowly hobbled to the TV, placed her right hand on the set and her left hand on her arthritic shoulder that was causing her great pain.

Then Grandpa got up, went to the TV, placed his right hand on the set and his left hand on his crotch. Grandma scowled at him and said, "I guess you just don't get it. The purpose of doing this is to heal the sick, NOT to raise the dead!!"
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/03/05 06:11 AM

Uze wamthola uyise uUsher Raymonds.

<img src="http://img154.exs.cx:81/img154/1140/usher3xn.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/03/05 12:09 PM

hk hk hk lol dokotela wena soooooooooooo uyicream <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

bafanana qho
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/03/05 01:32 PM

This is very very interesting hk hk hk hk gpn gpn gpn!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/03/05 10:43 PM

Ngu Dokotela wezigulane obhala lapha bathandekayo!

"One day I had to be the bearer of bad news when I told a wife that her husband had died of a massive myocardial infarct. Not more that five
minutes later, I heard her reporting to the rest of the family that he had died of a "massive internal fart."
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/04/05 11:26 PM

Family Problems
Two men met at a braai struck up a conversation. One of them kept complaining of family Problems. Finally, the other man said: "You think you have family problems? Listen to my Situation. A few years ago, I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got married. "Later my father married my step daughter. That made my stepdaughter my step mother and my father became my stepson. Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law. Then the daughter of my wife, my stepmother had a son. This boy was my half-brother Because he was my father's son, but he was also the son of my wife's daughter, which made him my wife's grandson. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my father's wife. I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is her own Child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm my own grandfather! And you think you have family problems!" No" man
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/08/05 01:39 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> NDUMSHY hayi agh!


Kulukhuni ukuloja hk

Hawu bantu shuwa! uMiss Mangena nangu elahla inhlanhla hk hk hk hk <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/08/05 01:50 AM

Mabila .....Ujudge unamanga ubesewele wasebona ukuthi uzaphazamiseka ekugwebeni isigangi.... emva kokuthethwa kwe Ndaba UJudge ubonakale esehamba lalo ijaha lakhe alixhotshele phandle.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/09/05 02:35 AM

Bafowethu.

Kanti kuthiwa u Mbonisi Ndlovu utshaye u Mr. bani?????????????

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/09/05 04:18 PM

Repost Abanga yibonanga Kande ngiyifake kwenye indawo.

Maykheli Jerksen: "Ngigqokeni bakithi ngisiya emthethwandaba?"
<img src="http://img125.exs.cx/img125/134/mjerksern3cb.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/09/05 10:09 PM

The teacher ask children to give him words which

Ends with "sm", example Journalism
The Venda guy said Professionalism

The Sotho guy said Baptism
The Xhosa guy said Racism
The Shangan guy said Nationalism
The Zulu guy said Iningizimu
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/10/05 11:33 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Sgero iyeza i ZRP Landani welikhamu hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/10/05 01:39 PM

BakaMthwakazi,

Is this your boss?

<img src="http://picture.funnyjunk.com/pics/dog_face.jpg" alt=" - " />

--------------------------------------------------

Wisdom is knowing what to do next,
skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/10/05 09:21 PM

hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> u boss onje nguye engimfunayo,ngizabe ngincenga ngethambo.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/11/05 02:33 AM

Bantwa bami,

Bantwabami are you going to see for heavens, nizoli bona I zulu na?,Ingane ye skole I jola nabashayeli bama taxi nama lori nabe zitimela
kanye nabashayeli bama Sub Maria nga phansi kwa manzi, kanye kanye futhi naba shayeli bama heroplein phezulu kwe zulu. Ingane ye skole I phinde I jole nabashayeli bama BMW 3 Serious a tshontshiwe, ba hambe ba dakwe ama Fanta's Gold nama Fantas Dry nge skhathi se skole, ba yenza lo mjaivo wabo okuthiwa u MATASATASA (KWASA KWASA) ema Tarven ba bheme nama pilisi. Phela thina i Disprin ne Compral siyi phuza nasi phethwe I khanda, asiyi bhemi bantwabami.

Groly Amen bazalwane. Lezingane zi fundile futhi azi hloniphi, zingena ema taxini zi khuluma I English ne baelogy ne Siphical Science phambi kwa bantu abadala,zikhulume isilungu esi phezulu, nje ngabo BECAUSE, abo OF COURSE nabo INTERCOURSE.

You don't even look for eyes mani khuluma na bantu abadala, ani ba buki e mehlweni.

Hloniphani abantu abadala kuze nili bone I zulu, khumbulani kuthi ayikho indlela eya e zulwini endlula ngaka anti wakho or ngase Tarven la u jola khona. Futhi ke, indlela eya e zulwini ayi hajwa I lama vuilpop wase kasie lakho siyezwana bantwa bani

Amen
Posted by: msakazi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/12/05 03:49 AM

Wife and dog lost.
Reward for dog.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/12/05 04:07 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabhidliza Tsunami Gagasi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/12/05 02:33 PM

<img src="http://www.funsilly.com/funnyfaces/AN466.gif" alt=" - " /> <img src="http://www.funsilly.com/funnyfaces/AN898.gif" alt=" - " /> <img src="http://www.funsilly.com/funnyfaces/AN474.gif" alt=" - " /> <img src="http://www.funsilly.com/funnyfaces/AN851.gif" alt=" - " /> <img src="http://www.funsilly.com/images/relaxface.gif" alt=" - " /> <img src="http://www.funsilly.com/images/teethface.gif" alt=" - " />

--------------------------------------------------
Wisdom is knowing what to do next,
skill is knowing how to do it, and virtue is doing it.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/14/05 12:21 PM

HAVE A GAS! Abantu abasebenza emacaleni bahola nge ngwane for doing this??????????

Q: Are you sexually active?
A: No, I just lie there.
__________________________________
Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July 15th.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.
______________________________________
Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.
_____________________________________
Q: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget? Can you give us an example of something that
you've forgotten?
___________________________________
Q: How old is your son, the one living with you?
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.
____________________________________
Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke up
that morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.
______________________________________
Q: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in
voodoo or the occult?
A: We both do.
Q: Voodoo?
A: We do.
Q: You do?
A: Yes, voodoo.
______________________________________
Q: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he
doesn't know about it until the next morning?
A: Did you actually pass the bar exam?
__________________________________
Q: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?
_____________________________________
Q: Were you present when your picture was taken?
_____________________________________
Q: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?
A: Yes.
Q: And what were you doing at that time?
____________________________________
Q: She had three children, right?
A: Yes.
Q: How many were boys?
A: None.
Q: Were there any girls?
______________________________________
Q: How was your first marriage terminated?
A: By death.
Q: And by whose death was it terminated?
_____________________________________
Q: Can you describe the individual?
A: He was about medium height and had a beard.
Q: Was this a male, or a female?
______________________________________
Q: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to a deposition notice
which I sent to your attorney?
A: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.
_____________________________________
Q: Doctor, how many autopsies have you performed on dead people?
A: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.
_____________________________________
Q: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?
A: Oral.
______________________________________
Q: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?
A: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.
Q: And Mr. Dennington was dead at the time?
A: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an
autopsy.
______________________________________
Q: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?
______________________________________

And my personal favorite:
Q: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for blood pressure?
A: No.
Q: Did you check for breathing?
A: No.
Q: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began
the
autopsy?
A: No.
Q: How can you be so sure, Doctor?
A: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.
Q: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?
A: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law
somewhere close by.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/14/05 05:42 PM

mabila, had a good laugh uyazi.. <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/15/05 11:40 PM

CHINOZ @ IT AGAIN

After attending an enviromental tour meeting with various delegates and NGO's , members decided to exchange bussines cards. Abreviations such as BCOMPT , BACC , CA , BCOMM , DR , CEO, etc signed most member's names on the business cards.Chinoz realising he had none, quickly made arrangements to have his cards delivered to the meeting.Chinoz pulled out a cards from his pocket , that had the abbreviaions CFGSFFTEFFNDFI and confidently passed them around , everyone
quite puzzled approached him and gently inquired "MR CHINOZ what do these abbreviation stand for ?
chinoz replied : "Gudu kweshion ,it stands for !
( CHINOZ FAILED GRADE SEVEN FAILED FORM TWO EXCELLED FORM FOUR NOW DOING FARM INVASION )"
Posted by: Ncincikadoyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/15/05 06:56 PM

Mabila ... ayelina sure manje mina angisela mbambo ngitsho zihlobo.. <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/16/05 12:02 PM

<img src="http://img187.exs.cx/img187/2217/4518cr.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/16/05 12:20 PM

<img src="http://img220.exs.cx/img220/8004/comp0oy.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/16/05 12:51 PM

One morning a patient arrives complaining of serious backache. The doctor examines him and asks him "What the hell did you do to your back?"

The patient replies "You know that I work for a local night club? Today morning I got home to my apartment early and heard a noise. On entering
I knew someone had been with my wife and the balcony door was open. I rushed out the balcony door and did not find anyone. As I looked down from the balcony I saw a man running out and he was dressing himself while running.

I grabbed the fridge and threw it at him. That's how I strained my back" The 2nd patient arrives looking as if he has been in a car wreck. The
doctor says "My previous looked bad, but you look terrible.What the Hell happened to you?"

He replies, "You know I have been unemployed for a while now .Today was the first day at my new job. I forgot to set my alarm and was running late.
I was running out of the building, getting dressed at the same time,and you won't believe it but I was hit by a fridge."

The 3rd patient arrives; he looks even worse than the other two patients do.

The doctor is shocked. Again asks, "What the hell happened to you?" "Well I was sitting in a fridge & someone threw it from the 3rd floor.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/16/05 01:24 PM

Teacher: why are u late?
Doom Doom: because of the sign.
Teacher: what sign?
Doom Doom: the one that says, "School ahead, Go slow".

Teacher: Doom Doom why are u doing your Maths sums on the floor?
Doom Doom: you told me to do it without using tables.

Teacher: what is the chemical formula for water?
Doom Doom: "hijklmno"!
Teacher: what are u talking about?
Doom Doom: yesterday you said it's H to O

teacher: Doom Doom, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago?
Doom Doom: me!

Teacher: Doom Doom, why do u always get so dirty?
Doom Doom: well I'm to close to the ground than u.

Teacher: how can u prevent disease caused by biting insects?
Doom Doom: don't bite them.

Teacher: Doom Doom, give a sentence starting with "I"?
Doom Doom: I is...
Teacher: no, Doom Doom. always say "I am..."
doom dooom: all right,...,"I am the ninth letter of the alphabet".

Teacher: "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do u know why his father didn't punish him?
Doom Doom "because George still had the axe in his hand".

Teacher: "can anybody give an example of coincidence?"
Doom Doom: "sir, my mother and father got married on the same day, same time."

Teacher: what a pair of strange socks u are wearing, one is green and one is blue with red spots!
Doom Doom: yes it's really strange. I've got another pair just like that at home.

Teacher: now children, if I saw a man beating a donkey and stopped him, what virtue would I be showing?
Doom Doom: brotherly love

teacher: now Doom Doom, tell me frankly, "do u say prayers before eating?"
Doom Doom: no sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

Teacher: Doom Doom, your composition on, "my dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did u copy his?
Doom Doom: no,teacher,it's the same dog!

Teacher: what do u call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?
Doom Doom: a teacher
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/16/05 01:27 PM

1) Interviewer : Siyabonga,you really seemed to enjoy the game...?


Nomvete : Yes the game was very much delicious


2) Moses Chunga.
This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an extended period of rich form:
Interviewer: So Moses tell us about your family
Moses: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is
one in front of me and one behind me.


3) Cephas Chimedza.
This interview took place after a game that took place on Cephas's
birthday.
Interviewer: Firstly, Cephas we would just like to wish you a happy
birthday.
Cephas: Thank you, thank you, same to you. (Who knows maybe it was the
guy's birthday too)


4) Francis Chandida.
(a whole book can be written using amusing quotes from this player
alone)
Interviewer: Francis you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you
also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?
Francis: In the morning I get up and I run away.


5) Musareka Jenitala.
Interviewer:Musa you have just played an amazing game to help Dynamos
win, where to from here.
Musa: I am going home.


6) Gift Lunga Jnr.
Interviewer: Gift, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?
Gift: Emagumeni


7) Leonard Tsipa
Interviewer: Lenso those were three beautiful babies you put away
behind the net. How do you feel?
Leonard: Aah I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these woman
tell the whole world.

8) Memory Mucherahowa.
Interviewer: Memory how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful
goal?
Memory: I feel immediately!!!
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/17/05 10:39 AM

First the Lord made man in the Garden of Eden. Then he said to himself, "There's something he's needing.'"After casting about for a suitable pearl, He kept messing around and created a girl.

Two beautiful legs, so long and so slender, >Round, slim, and firm, and ever so tender.
Two lovely hips to increase his desire,And rounded and firm to bring out the fire.
Two lovely breasts, so full and so proud, Commanding his eyes, as he whispers aloud.
Two lovely arms, just aching to bless you,And two loving hands, to soothe and caress you.
Soft, cascading hair hung down over her shoulder, And two dreamy eyes, just to make him grow bolder.

'Twas made for a man, just to make his heart sing. Then he added a mouth.Ruined the whole damn thing
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/17/05 06:39 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> i guys u rock
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/17/05 09:46 PM

An 18 year-old girl tells her Mum that she is two months late.
Very worried, the mother rushes off to the chemist and buys a pregnancy kit.
The test result shows that the girl is pregnant.

Shouting, cursing,crying,the mother says: "Ngifuna ukubona lenja ekumithisile, shono khona sizovukela kubo kusasa siyobika lomhlola!"
The girl picks up the phone and makes a call.

Half an hour later a red Ferrari stops in front of their house and, a mature and
distinguished man, impeccably dressed in a very expensive suit steps out of the Ferrari and enters the house.
He sits in the living room with the father, the mother and the girl and he explains:
"Good morning, your daughter has informed me of the problem.
However,I can't marry her because of my personal family situation but I'll take charge.
I will pay all costs and provide for your daughter for the rest of her life.
Additionally, if a girl is born I will bequeath her 2 retail stores, a townhouse, a beachfront villa and a R10,000,000 bank account.
If a boy is born, my legacy will be a couple of factories and a R5,000,000 bank account. If it is twins, a factory and R5,000,000 each.

However, if there is a miscarriage, well.....what do you suggest I do?"

At this point, the father, who had remained silent places a hand firmly on the man's shoulder and tells him,

"Uphinde umkhwele mkhwenyana"
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/17/05 09:47 PM

lingenzi sooooooo <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/17/05 10:50 PM

Bilisto...hk hk ufake kahle umkhuleko kaMfundisi uNtshebe wesheshi of God.umfundisi uNtshebe owephula usatane umhlathi...hk.that man is fun,l have his CD and l'm always laughing.
Posted by: samdala

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/18/05 09:32 AM

The collection

A man is caught in a traffic jam when suddenly, someone taps on the window of his car. He lowers the window and asks what he wants.

The other man says, "President Mugabe was kidnapped and the ransom is $50 billion dollars. If the ransom is not paid, the kidnappers have threatened to douse the President with gasoline and set him on fire. We are taking up a collection. Do you wish to participate?"

The man in the car asks, "On average, what are people donating?"

The other man replies, "About 5 to 10 liters".
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/18/05 09:47 AM

SGERO YEKELA UKUGELA IMBAMBO ZAMI HAWU AAAAAAAAAAAAA
SAMDALA WENUYICREAM

KEEP IT UP GUYS
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Ncincikadoyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/18/05 12:38 PM

Sgero
Yikho be kubiza Sgero ngoba hayi lendaba yakho yokuthi maka phindwe akhwelwe njalo umntwana iyangibulalisa ngembambo oqotho sibili.sho cleva wengotsheni woza lazo!!!!!!
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: ntombenhle

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/18/05 08:34 PM

S'gero
<img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> lonke majaha lizwile ukuthi kumele lenzeni nxa lifuna ama blessing kababazala <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/19/05 11:53 PM

A couple was having a discussion about family finances. Finally the husband exploded, "If it weren't for my money, the house wouldn't be here!"
The wife replied, "My dear, if it weren't for your money I wouldn't be here."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/21/05 12:41 PM

omama abathathu bahamba ku psychologist.upsy'gist lowo wathi kubo "lonke lapha lilama obsessions which are serious"
wathi kumama wakuqala,"ule obsession yotshwala yikho wabiza umntwana wakho wathi ngu GWEBU"

kowesibili,"ule obsession yemali yikho wabiza umntwana wakho wathi ngu DOLA"

owesithathu wathi esizwa lokho,wadonsa umfanyana wakhe wathi..."asambe mntanami BONGANI".
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/21/05 06:35 PM

Dabuka, ha ha ha ha <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="bigcry" title="" src="graemlins/bigcry.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> Awuyenzi mfo. Unabongani hk hk.
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/21/05 11:38 PM

Bafowethu.

Lokhu kuyabongeka impela.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/22/05 08:46 AM

Sir: Now John, a baker bakes, a cook cooks, a trader trades, what does a tailor do?

John: A tailor tails ,Sir!
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/22/05 10:55 AM

The madam opened the brothel door to see a rather slick, well dressed, gentleman.
She asked, "Can I help you?"
"I want to see Natalie," he replied.

"Sir, Natalie is one of our most expensive ladies, perhaps you should see someone else."

"No, I must see Natalie."

Just then Natalie appears and announced to the man that she charged R10 000 per visit.

Without blinking the man reached into his pocket and handed her R10000.

The two went up to the room for an hour.

The next night he appeared again, demanding to see Natalie. Natalie explained that it was rare for anyone to come back two nights in a row and that there was no discount, her price remained at R10 000 a visit.

Again the man took out the money, the two went up to the room, and an hour later he left. When he showed up on the third consecutive night, no one could believe it. Again he handed Natalie R10 000, and they went up to the room.

At the end of an hour Natalie questioned the man:
"No one has ever used my services for three nights in a row. Where are you from?"

The gentleman replied, "I'm from Pretoria."

"Really," she replied. "I have family there."

"Yes, I know," said the gentleman. "Your father died and I am your sister's lawyer. She asked me to give you your R30 000 inheritance."


Moral of the story: Three things in life are certain:

1. Death
2. Taxes
3. Being screwed by a lawyer
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/22/05 12:49 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> aaaaaaaaa ndumshy u rock
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/23/05 09:31 AM

hk hk hk hk hk hk waze wangibulala ngembambo ndumshy.

guys yu realy make my day <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/24/05 07:36 PM

Ndumshy uyarocker skeem,it's over uNdumshy usevarisile bafethu,that's the end.izandla emoyeni bafethu.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/25/05 10:48 AM

Three rats are sitting at the bar talking bragging about their bravery and toughness.

The first says, "I'm so tough, once I ate a whole bagful of rat poison!"

The second says, "Well I'm so tough, once I was caught in a rat trap and I bit it apart!"

Then the third rat gets up and says, "Later guys, I'm off home to harass the cat."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/25/05 09:03 PM

Three men who were lost in the forest were captured by cannibals.The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they pass a
trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit. So all three men went separate ways to
gather fruits.

The first one came back and said to the king, "I brought ten
apples." The king then explained the trial to him.
"You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any _expression on
your face or you'll be eaten."

The first apple went in... but on the second one he winced out in
pain, so he was killed.

The second one arrived and showed the king ten berries.
When the king explained the trial to him he thought to himself that
this
should be easy. 1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... and on the ninth
berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

The first guy and the second guy met in heaven.

The first one asked, "Why did you laugh, you almost got away with
it?"

The second one replied, "I couldn't help it, I saw the third guy
coming with PINEAPPLES."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/25/05 10:52 PM

dabuka mhlaba sibonokungale kwakho hk hk hk ayi a
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/29/05 03:59 AM

Bafowethu.

uM-g-a-x-a-b-e wabuzwa ngu teacher wakhe ukuthi angakhula ufuna ukuba yini. Yena wagaya umdogari wangakibo wathi ngifuna ukuba ngu BHINGO.

Nampu ubufakazi lamhlanje. Useluma aze akhumuke amazinyo.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 09:38 AM

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian takes one look at him and says 'futseki', who's gonna bring it back".
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 09:39 AM

A man goes into a library and asks for a book on suicide. The librarian takes one look at him and says 'futseki', who's gonna bring it back".
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 11:06 AM

Dabuka hatshi mfo hk hk hk.ungangibulali so. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 12:16 PM

Neighbourly Comrades
A former politburo official became disenchanted with the stress of politics and decides to chuck it all. He asks for and is allocated his mandatory farm. After a couple of months of enjoying the solitude he hears the drumming of hoof beats outside his house. Grabbing his rifle he challenges the man riding up on the donkey. "Hold it comrade" the man says, " I'm a war veteran and your neighbour, I have a farm only 6 miles from here, and I want to invite you to a Welcome Party I'm throwing for you next Saturday. There's going to be mbira music, patriotic songs, dancing, hugging, kissing, loving, drinking, fighting.... We'll have a great time". Not wanting to be unneighbourly the former politician turned farmer lowers the rifle and ask's " How should I dress, comrade?" " Aw, it doesn?t matter comrade,? replied the neighbor, " it?s only going to be the two of us".
Idiot Contest
A woman was letting her husband have it with just a touch more venom than usual, saying, "You're an idiot. You have always been an idiot. You'll always be an idiot. If they was a contest for idiots, you would come out second!" said the angry wife.
"But why would I come out second?" asked the surprised husband
"Because you are an IDIOT!! " replied the woman.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 12:31 PM

manje kuleyinye itshomi yami eyaswela itransport ivela emakhaya.yathi isa stranded omunye usisi othengisa esitolo wayithola,wathi uzayinika indawo yokulala.
usisi lowo wathi kodwa indoda leyo izalala phansi ngoba elombheda owodwa.
kwalalwa ke; yeyi zayivukela indoda ebusuku yagada umbheda yaqala phela ukuzamazama.Oh wavuka usisi wathi
'kanti kwenzakalani?'. yabhayiza imember yathi
'aaah sory gaya NGIWILE'.
Posted by: Ndumshy

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 12:57 PM

A burglar entered the house of a William Shakespeare and proceeded to rob it. The Shakespeare heard the noise and took his shotgun downstairs. Upon finding the burglar he aimed his gun and said gently, "Friend, I mean thee no harm, but thou standest where I am about to shoot."

A man goes up to the minister at the local church. "Reverend," he said, ?we have a problem. My wife keeps falling asleep during your sermons. It's very embarrassing, not to mention disrespectful. What should I do?"

"I've noticed this and have an idea if you're up to the task," said the minister. "Take this hatpin with you. I will be able to tell when Mrs. Jones is sleeping, and I will motion to you at specific times. When I motion, you give her a good poke in the leg."

In church the following Sunday, Mrs. Jones dozed off. Noticing this, the preacher put his plan to work. "And who made the ultimate sacrifice for you?" he said, nodding to Mr. Jones.
"Jesus!" Mrs. Jones cried out as her husband jabbed her in the leg with the sharp object.
"Yes! You are correct, Mrs. Jones!" came the minister's quick reply.
Soon, Mrs. Jones nodded off again. And again, the minister noticed. "Who is your redeemer?"he asked the congregation, motioning toward Mr. Jones.
"My God!" howled Mrs. Jones as she was stuck again with the pin.
"Right again!" bellowed the minister, a slight grin on his face.
Before long, Mrs. Jones again winked off. However, this time the Minister did not notice. As he picked up the tempo of his sermon, he made a few hand gestures that Mr. Jones mistook as signals to bayonet his wife with the hatpin yet again.

The minister asked, "And what did Eve say to Adam after she bore him his 99th son?"

As Mr. Jones enthusiastically poked his wife's thigh with the hatpin piercing her skin. She screamed, "You stick that fucking thing in me one more time and I'll break it in half and shove it up your arse!"

"Amen!" replied all the women in the congregation.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 03/31/05 01:16 PM

Which would u choose? Cake or bed?????


A husband is at home watching a football game when his wife interrupts,


?honey, could you fix the light in the hallway? It's been flickering

For weeks now?


He looks at her and says angrily;


?fix the light, now? Does it look like i have an electricians logo printed on my forehead? I don't think so!?


The wife asks,


?well then, could you fix the fridge door? It won't close right.?


To which he replied,


?fix the fridge door? Does it look like i have hotpoint written on my forehead? I don't think so.?


Fine, she says,


?then you could at least fix the steps to the front door?? They're about to break.?


?I'm not a damn carpenter and i don't want to fix the steps?, he says. ?does it look like I have Woodies DIY written on my forehead? I don't think so. I've had enough of you. I'm going to the bar!!! ?


So he goes to the bar and drinks for a couple of hours. He starts to feel guilty about how he treated his wife, and decides to go home and help out. As he walks into the house he notices the steps are already fixed. As he enters the house, he sees the hall light is working. As he goes to get a beer, he notices the fridge door is fixed.


?honey?, he asks, ?how'd all this get fixed??


She said,


?well, when you left i sat outside and cried. just then a nice young man asked me what was wrong, and I told him. He offered to do all the repairs, and all i had to do was either go to bed with him or bake a cake.?


He said,


?so what kind of cake did you bake him??


She replied,


?hellooooo.......do you see Delia Smith written on my forehead? I don't think so!?
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/01/05 08:20 AM

hk hk hk hk hk,liyangi-set
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/01/05 08:21 AM

ndumshy, BKM <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />

asazi bakithi, ama awards ayabuya at the end of the year.....lina o dok,siru,ntshontsho labo joskeyi lizathatha awe "Nhlanya of The Year" hk hk hk
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/03/05 09:47 PM

Bafowethu.

I misplaced my post: Kuthiwa kwedlula imota yotshwala kwezwakala okumafana kusithi, "Le mota inuka njengo baba."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/04/05 07:00 AM

A girlfriend is giving directions to her boyfriend, who is coming to visit: "You come to the front door of the apartment complex.
I am in apartment 14T.
There is a big panel at the door. With your elbow,
push button 14T. I will buzz you in. Come inside, the elevator is on the right. Get in, and with
your elbow hit 14. When you get out I am on the left. With your elbow, hit my doorbell.

"Baby - that sounds easy but why would I hit all these buttons with my elbow?"

"You're not coming empty handed, are you?"
Posted by: Demeza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/04/05 03:20 PM

Dying soldier in lraq;
Soldier :l wish l could kiss USA flag before l die.
Nurse :l have a tatoo of it on my bum .
the soldier then kisses it and say ''Please turnover nurse, l now want to kiss bush...
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/04/05 04:42 PM

Demeza...... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/04/05 05:40 PM

kiss bush hk hk hk hk ayi a dumeza
hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" />
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/04/05 07:42 PM

AH DEMEZAAAAAAA <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Razz]" src="images/icons/tongue.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/05/05 04:42 AM

Golden Urinal

Before the inauguration, George W. was invited to a 'get acquainted' tour of the White House.

After drinking several glasses of iced tea, he asked President Clinton if he could use his personal bathroom. He was astonished to see that the President had a solid gold urinal!

That afternoon, George W. told his wife, Laura, about the urinal. "Just think," he said, "when I am President, I'll have my own personal gold urinal!"

Later, when Laura had lunch with Hillary at her tour of the White House, she told Hillary how impressed George had been with his discovery of the fact that, in the President's private bathroom, the President had a gold urinal.

That evening, Bill and Hillary were getting ready for bed. Hillary turned to Bill and said, "Well, I found out who peed in your saxophone."
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/05/05 04:45 AM

Emngcwabeni kaGezephi


Sanibonani nonke etendeni!"

Kufakaza umakhelwane emngcwabeni kaGezephi:


"Bakithi silahlekelwe, impela kuhambe ingane
ebinesimilo".


Eqhubeka:

"Ubeziphethe kahle nje u Gezephi sibonga lokho ukuthi
akazange afane noDudu,

Dudu sukuma bakubone..!!" "Bakwethu yiso ke isifebe
sendawo lesi, ngcono ngabe kufe sona kwasala uGezephi
"

Ngiyabonga , usungahlala phansi Dudu
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/05/05 01:47 PM

> > > A young Zimbabwean businessman on his first visit to Lusaka,
Zambia,
> > goes
> > > to Chez Ntemba. As he sits there drinking, a young prostitute
comes
over
> > > to talk to him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit,
drink
> > a
> > > bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she
gasps and
> > > runs away!
> > >
> > > Seeing this, an older, more experienced prostitute takes over and
tries
> > to
> > > entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a
> > > little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He
whispers
> > in
> > > her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks quickly away. All the
> > prostitutes
> > > in Chez Ntemba are now so surprised that this ordinary-looking
man has
> > > asked for something so outrageous that two of the girls will have
> > nothing
> > > to do with it.
> > >
> > > The most experienced lady of the night, Lola, decides she will do
> > whatever
> > > it is this man wants. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never
said
no
> > > and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her.
> > >
> > > So she goes over to him. They sit and talk, frolic a little,
giggle a
> > bit,
> > > drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and
she
> > > screams, "ARE YOU MAD ? NO WAY!" smacks him as hard as she can
and
> > > literally runs away! Everyone is now amazed and absolutely
intrigued,
> > > having seen nothing like this in all the years Chez Ntemba has
operated.
> >
> > >
> > > One of the bouncers finally decides he has to find out what
> > extraordinary
> > > perversion this young Zimbabwean wants performed.
> > >
> > > He goes to Lola and asks what it was that this guy wanted that
was so
> > bad.
> > >
> > >
> > > Lola answers, "Can you imagine that guy asked if he could pay in
> > > Zimbabwean Dollars".
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/07/05 06:18 AM

A police officer in Johannesburg Central approaches a group of street
vendors sitting and selling their stuff.
Police Officer: Sorry, but no street vendors are allowed here.

Street Vendor (A woman) furiously jumps up and say "Ja, I knew it. What
about street Basotho across the road or even this woman selling next to
me,she is a street Xhosa and I bet you never said anything to street Zulus
in Bree Street. You people are all the same, you are scared of Street
Nigerians and just because I am a moVenda you don't want me to sell here"
Posted by: Sirumula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/07/05 07:59 PM

UDabuka wayehlezi ezishaya isifuba ngamasendlisi akhe,embuluza kabi enkomponi,wonk'umuntu eseze emazi ngamalengiso akhe.one day kwaba lecompetition eHall eBhambadzi,nanmgo uDabuka enikela khona ewathwele ngomrekini awakhe amasendlisi,kanti kabuzanga elangeni,uzahlangana lamadoda kuzwa.uthe efika egedin wathola umemba ubambe isihlathi uhlezi phezulu kwento efana ledwala...nango uDabuka ebuza ukuthi kanti wahlala edwaleni wadana nje kutheni mfowethu.
waphendula umuntu wenkosi ethi bengithi ngizoba ngunamba one ngamalengiso ami lawa engihleli phezulu kwawo kodwa angingenanga laku top 5...uDabuka wahle waziphenndukela lawakhe ngomrekini engasangenanga leHall.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/08/05 06:27 AM

hk hk hk nk nk. Ungubulele Siru. Ngihleke ngaze ngahlukana lomoya ngemuva. <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="kill" title="" src="graemlins/kill.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Mad]" src="images/icons/mad.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/10/05 05:11 PM

I got this joke through sms last week from a friend ekhaya.

"I SAID THE 'BOB' NOT THE 'POPE' DEAR LORD" said Archbishop Pius Ncube in a silent prayer.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/10/05 05:55 PM

hk hk hk hk Dabuka wothi "Sarendi" hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 11:11 AM

Look at my next post
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 11:12 AM

Please be informed that we have installed a new pope with immediate effect. You are requested to respect him and accord him an opportunity to carry out his clergy duties. Don't laugh at him for you shall be judged.

<img src="http://img142.echo.cx/img142/9715/pope5rf.jpg" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 12:48 PM

Health minister Parirenyatwa visits a psychiatric ward. he asks the head of psychology "How do you determine if a patient is cured."

The psychologist explains. "We take them to the bathtub, which is filled with water, hand them a spoon and a cup and ask them to empty the bathtub" "I see," says the health minister, "the cured person would choose the cup because it's bigger, and would
empty the tub faster". "Actually no," replies the psychologist, "a normal person would simply remove the plug.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 12:51 PM

a DOC uyaroka <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 09:29 PM

A man's penis is stung by a bee in a nudist camp. The wife prayed for him " O lord let the pain leave but let the swelling remain , forever amen"
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/13/05 11:28 PM

Umka muyo

A man was having sex with his late brothe's wife when he farted. He says "Eish bhudi umsebenzi uyawazi sibili okokuthi sengize naphakamisa itshoba" uBhudi ongumfazi wasephendula esithi " Manje umuyi wayehle ezitshekele"
Posted by: Sgero

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/14/05 08:59 PM

During class, a teacher trying to teach good manners asks the students:

"Michael, if you were on a date, having supper
with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?""Just a minute, I have to go piss."That would be rude and impolite!!!

What about you John, how would you say it?"
"I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom, I'll be right back."
"That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the table.

And you Peter, are you able to use your intelligence for once and show us your good
manners?"
"I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment, I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine,whom I hope you'll get to meet after supper."
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 01:10 PM

Sipho was having an affair with the woman from next door
One weekend he tells his wife he is going to Tsholotsho for a seminar
He packs his bags and tell his wife she wont find him when she comes back
Here he is on a Saturday morning after a lovely night with the next door woman
Wearing gowns he goes to the bathroom
To his surprise through the window he sees a man walking around his house wearing the other gown he left at home
He screams " hey wena what are you doing in my house wearing my gown?"
The man replies " fcuk you wena the man of this house is in Tsholotsho as we speak"

Sipho: "uzonya uma ngi buya eTsholotsho"
Posted by: mbasela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 01:48 PM

lapha ungisethile mfethu...uzonya mangibuya eTsholotsho.hk hk hk
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 02:28 PM

hk hk hk hk hk
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 02:35 PM

hk hk hk hk Kanti labatshontshayo balobukhwele futhi gpn gpn gpn <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 03:11 PM

A taxi driver knocks down an old lady.

She gets up and asks "Awuna pipi?", the guy blushes and says that he does.


The old lady then asks "Why ungathi pipi pipi ngiyadlula?"
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/15/05 03:32 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Pipi pipi
Posted by: samdala

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/16/05 06:51 PM

A young Zimbabwean businessman on his first visit to Lusaka,Zambia,goes to Chez Ntemba. As he sits there drinking, a young prostitute comes
over to talk to him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she gasps and runs away!

Seeing this, an older, more experienced prostitute takes over and tries to entertain the gentleman. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and she screams, "No!" and walks quickly away.

All the prostitutes in Chez Ntemba are now so surprised that this ordinary-looking man has asked for something so outrageous that two of the girls will have nothing to do with it. The most experienced lady of the night, Lola, decides she will do whatever it is this man wants. Lola looks a bit tired, but she has never said no and it doesn't seem likely that anything would surprise her.

So she goes over to him. They sit and talk, frolic a little, giggle a bit, drink a bit, and she sits on his lap. He whispers in her ear and
she screams, "ARE YOU MAD ? NO WAY!" smacks him as hard as she can and literally runs away!

Everyone is now amazed and absolutely intrigued,having seen nothing like this in all the years Chez Ntemba has operated. One of the bouncers finally decides he has to find out what extraordinary perversion this young Zimbabwean wants performed. He goes to Lola and asks what it was that this guy wanted that was so bad.
Lola answers, "Can you imagine that guy asked if he could pay in Zimbabwean Dollars".
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/16/05 07:09 PM

pipi ge hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/17/05 01:02 PM

In America a man with a wooden hand lifted 25kg
In Britain a man with wooden leg walked 25km
In Zimbabwe a man with wooden head ruled for 25 years.

Its sad the pope has died but shocking news from the Vatican is that Mr Mugabe is eyeing for his position and has already lined up 1000 computers for donation. The Pope was so heart broken that Mugabe won he collapsed but Mugabe is so stubborn he followed him to his grave.
Oh! God you must have misheard me i said take Bob not Pope. Yours Truelly Pius Ncube.

A woman had anul sex and afraid of getting pregnant she consults her doctor.
Doc: Of course you will get pregnant, where do you think ZANU pf members came from.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/18/05 08:05 PM

check out my next joke,izalibulala i tell you!! <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/18/05 08:07 PM

An army service deserter was running down a road escaping from two MP's. He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes? I'll explain why later." The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied "He went that way!" After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said " I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said she understood. Stretching out on the thank you, the GI said "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!" The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!" .......
Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 10:00 PM

After every flight, Quantas pilots fill out a form, called a "gripe
sheet," which tells mechanics about problems with the aircraft. The
mechanics correct the problems, document their repairs on the form, and
then pilots review the gripe sheets before the next flight. Never let it
be said that ground crews lack a sense of humor.

Here are some actual maintenance complaints submitted by Qantas' pilots
(marked with a P) and the solutions recorded (marked with an S by
maintenance engineers. By the way, Quantas is the only major airline
that has never had an fatal accident. ... Enjoy!

P: Left inside main tire almost needs replacement.
S: Almost replaced left inside main tire.

P: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.
S: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.

P: Something loose in cockpit.
S: Something tightened in cockpit.

P: Dead bugs on windshield.
S: Live bugs on back-order.

P: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a
200 feet per minute descent.
S: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.

P: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.
S: Evidence removed.

P: DME volume unbelievably loud.
S: DME volume set to more believable level.

P: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.
S: That's what they're for.

P: IFF inoperative.
S: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.

P: Suspected crack in windshield.
S: Suspect you're right.

P: Number 3 engine missing.
S: Engine found on right wing after brief search.

P: Aircraft handles funny.
S: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right,
and be serious.

P: Target radar hums.
S: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.

P: Mouse in cockpit.
S: Cat installed.

And the best one..................

P: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget
pounding on something with a hammer.
S: Took hammer away from midget.
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 10:44 PM

Chinoz, the fake war vet was not feeling well after crushing out of the zanu pf primary erections[thats what he called them] and went to see a doctor. the dhokuta[as he called him] told him to jog for 10 km everyday in the morning for 7 days. chinoz complied. after 7 days he foned the doctor.
Chinoz: Dhokota,it worked and i am now fine
Doctor: thats good news Cde Chinoz...[interrupted]
Chinoz: bhati they izi a problem dhokuta..
Doctor: Whats the problem again Chinoz
Chinoz: I am now 70 km away from home
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 10:48 PM

An army service deserter was running down a road escaping from two MP's.

He came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there.

He asked her "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirt for a few minutes?

I'll explain why later."

The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running

along and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road.

She replied "He went that way!" After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said " I can't thank you enough Sister,

but you see I don't want to go to Iraq."

The nun said she understood. Stretching out on the thank you, the GI said "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"

The nun replied, "If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen

the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to

go to Iraq either.......
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 10:50 PM

A farmer orders a MILKING MACHINE. To see if it is in good working order he tries it on his penis and has a wicked orgasm, but experiences great difficulty removing the machine off his penis. He looks at the operational manual to figure out a way, and on reading the instructions he faints. In capital letters the instruction book says: "AUTO RELEASE AFTER TWO LITRES
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 08:01 PM

GROWING UP

A three year old little boy was examining his testicles while taking a bath?


"Nonna," he asked, "Are these my brains?"

Nonna answered.............. "Not yet."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/19/05 08:06 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Nikani uChinoz imali yomtshova hk hk hk


Exchange Rate


A Chinese guy was trying to exchange yen for dollars and asked the teller "why it change, yestoday I get two hunat dollar fo yen - today I get a Hunat eighty?" The teller says - "fluctuations"!


The Chinese guy says "fluc you white guys too"
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 12:24 PM

hk hk hk fluck mugabe too
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 02:36 PM

A little girl was puzzled as to her origin.
“How did I get here, Mommy?” Her mommy
said,
using a well-worn phrase, “God sent
you.”
“And did God send you too, Mommy?”
“Yes, Dear, He did.”
“And Grandma and great grandma and daddy,
too?” asked the little girl? Again the answer was
“yes.”
The child shook her head in disbelief.
“Then you mean to tell me there has been no
sex in this family for 200 years?... No wonder
everyone is so cranky”
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 02:38 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />


joskeyi u rock uyazi hk hk
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 06:23 PM

This kid is crazy <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 06:28 PM

Mama Chinos gets on a bus with her baby. The bus driver says: ?That's the ugliest baby that I've ever seen.? Mama Chinos goes to the rear of the bus and sits down, fuming. She says to a man next to her: ?That driver just insulted me!? The man says: ?You go right up there and tell him off ? go ahead, I'll hold your monkey for you.?
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 06:31 PM

How do I insert pictures bantu bankosi sizani bo. Ngifuna ukufaka imifanekiso
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/20/05 10:07 PM

On the last day of his trip a priest hooked a monster fish and proceeded to >reel it in. > >The guide, holding a net yelled, "
Look at the size of that Son of a Bitch!" > >
"Son, I'm a priest. Your language is uncalled for!" >
>?No, Father, that's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!" >
>"Really? Well then help me land this Son of a Bitch!" >
>Once in the boat, they marveled at the size of the monster. >
>Father, that's the biggest Son of a Bitch I've ever seen." >
>"Yes, it is a big Son of a Bitch. What should I do with it?" >
>"Why, eat it of course. You've never tasted anything as good as a Son of a >Bitch!" > >Elated, the priest headed home to the rectory. >
>While unloading his gear and his prize catch, Sister Mary inquired about his >trip. >
>"Take a look at this big Son of a Bitch I caught!" >Sister Mary gasped and clutched her rosary, "Father!" >
>"It's OK, Sister. That's what kind of fish it is--a Son of a Bitch fish!" >
>"Oh, well then, what are you going to do with that big Son of a Bitch?" >
>"Why, eat it of course. The guide said nothing compares to the taste of a >Son of a Bitch." > >Sister Mary informed the priest that the new Bishop was scheduled to visit >in a few days and that they should fix the Son of a Bitch for his dinner. >
>"I'll even clean the Son of a Bitch," she said. >
>As she was cleaning the huge fish, the Friar walked in. "What are you doing >Sister?" > >"Father wants me to clean this big Son of a Bitch for the new Bishops' >dinner." >
>"Sister! I'll clean it if you're so upset! Please watch your language!" >
>"No, no! No, it's called a Son of a Bitch fish." >
>"Really? Well, in that case, I'll fix up a great meal to go with it, and >that Son of a Bitch can be the main course! >
>Let me know when you've finished cleaning that Son of a Bitch." >
>On the night of the new Bishop's visit, everything was perfect. >
>The Friar had prepared an excellent meal. The wine was fine, and the fish >was excellent. > >The new Bishop said, "This is great fish, where did you get it?" >
>"I caught that Son of a Bitch!" proclaimed the proud priest. >
>The Bishop's eyes opened wide, but he said nothing. >
>"And I cleaned the Son of a Bitch!" exclaimed the Sister. >
>The Bishop sat silent in disbelief. >
>The Friar added, "And I prepared the Son of a Bitch, using a special recipe! > >
>The new Bishop looked around at each of them. >Slowly a big smile crept across his face as he said, >
>"You mother fuckers are my kind of people." >
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/21/05 04:07 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> wema BKM gera ubukhokha isikhathi sonke lesi u blind ntombi.imiklomelo ngeyakho.
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/21/05 01:46 PM

Bafo

Cellphone with camera - Advert
-------------------------------

I did not find the correct column for this. Someone just sent me a new cell-phone, so I have
decided to sell my old one, its still in perfect condition. It has a camera.

Please fill free to submit your bids?. I have to say ? I will only give this to the highest bidder.

See attached photo by clicking here

Best Regards

Doc
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/21/05 04:12 PM

U ma hamba e cela u shintyi
There's this woman at Kwa Dukuza in the rural depth of KZN. She was literate, in a sense of literate.
One day the priest visited u MaKhoza, as he usually does at the village going around preaching the word of God.
U MaKhoza
was three months pregnant by then. U ba'bu Khoza was at work in Gauteng.
"Sawubona we MaKhoza,
"Sawubona ba'bu mfundisi", with immense and sincere respect you can imagine.
"Hawu bo MaKhoza, injani impilo"? Mfundisi asked.
"Cha baba, siya ncenga, ke pha ngino kuzwa amahlaba la esiswuni,"
U mfundisi asked that they pray for the pains to disappear.
Before he could conclude his prayer, mfundisi exclaimed:
Haaawu!! Hawu! Hawu! Hawu!,
Yini indaba mfundisi? Asked u MaKhoza
U baba wala e khaya, u cishe wenza iphutha elikhulu kabi.
Ungi tyelani ba'bu mfundisi?
Cha! Mama kuzo mele kube yi mina osizayo. Said the u mfundisi.
U baba wala kwakho u hambe enga lenzanga in khanda.
You can imagine how Mfundisi indulged himself.
Several weeks went by, u ba'bu Khoza came back from Gauteng for a week off.
Whiles they were eating supper, u Ma'mu Khoza related to him what happened.
Baba,
Yini?

"Haawu! U cishe wenza I phutha e li khulu,"
"I phutha, I phutha lani"?
"U ba'bu Mfundisi u seke wa dlula la e khaya u ngekho wena, ezo beka u mthandazo, wathi u shiye u ngenzanga I khanda lomntwana, wabe seka lenza"
The husband said nothing.
On a Monday midday, he went to the church. At his arrival he found the priest, in his garden sweating.
"Sawubona ba'bu mfunndisi"
"Sawubona ndodana"
"Mfundisi bengicela ushintyi" he had with him a two hundred rand note.
"Hawu! Ndodana, angi cabangi u kuthuthi ngi nawo waloyo mali."
Ku ngezeka ukuthi ukhona ba'bu mfundisi, u bo khumbula phela, be ku yi sonto I zolo".
"U qinisile ndodana, ngena e ndlini u cele u mam'fundisi abheke kuyo le yo mnthelelo"
Ndodana went in and asked ma'mfundisi.
"Mam'fundis, umfundisi uthi u u ngiphe.
"Cha! Ndodana, u qinisile"?
"Nge mpela unga mbuza"
"A nga yisho kanjani indaba enje, ha wuthi ngi mbuze".
Mam'fundisi, "Baba uthi ngimnike"?
Yebo mama, hawu msize.
The young men had fun with mam'fundisi.
On his way out he said " ngi ya bonga mfundisi"
"I Nkosi I ku busies ndodana", mfundisi replied.
During lunch time mam'fundisi called him for lunch.

During their lunch: "Haaawu! Baba, u nga yenza kanjani into enje."?
"Yini mama"?
"
"Wangi lalisa phezu kwe tafula lase khishi, wathatha u nyawo lolu, walu beka en tanyeni ku yena, ngathi ngisa bhekile, wa ngi phakamisa lona ugolo luse nga phakathi ki mina wangi beka e sofeni, wathatha iinyawo zombini wazi vula ka khulu wayi faka, ngezwa nami ukuthu angi kaze nga bhejwa kamnandi ka njena.
Wa ngi phethula nga hlala nje nge nja, hawu! Wayi faka, kuthi benginga memeza. Wa yi khipha baba wayi faka endunu, nga memeza, ngaze ngakhohlwa ukuthi ngingu mamfundisi. Yathi lapho ezo chama khona wangi phethula, wayifaka emlonyeni, ngayi cela, ngizwe ngo kushisa la e mphinjeni, naye e khala nje nge nkomo e hlinzwayo, ngayi khipha zangithela e busweni ngayi ncela futhi. Baba waze wa ngi bhebhisa nga leya ngani".
Mfundisi said nothing knowing what he did.
The following day, whilst umfundisi was watering his flowers, uba'bu Khazo rode pass with his bicycle, "Sawubona mfundisi"
"Ya! mahamba e cela ushintyi" said mfundisi.
"Nawe, mahamba ekhanda ama khanda"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/21/05 08:08 PM

hk hk hk hk jozi jozi aaaaaaa u rock <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/22/05 10:25 PM

Hard of hearing


Three retirees, each with a hearing loss, were taking a walk one fine March day.

One remarked to the other, "Windy, ain't it?"

"No," the second man replied, "It's Thursday."

And the third man chimed in, "So am I. Let's have a coke."
Posted by: makhutshuza

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/22/05 01:44 PM

ngisakhokha ngiyeza nkazana bkm
Posted by: Lobengula

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/22/05 02:01 PM

The following are actual letters that Auntie Rhoda (Parade Magazine) herself
admitted she was at a loss to answer:


Dear Auntie Rhoda ,
I suspected that my husband had been fooling around, and when I confronted
him with the evidence he denied everything and said it would never happen
again.

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

I was married to Murwere for three months, and I didn't know he drank until
one night he came home sober.

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

I have a man I never could trust. He cheats so much I'm not even sure this
baby I'm carrying is his

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

A couple of women moved in across the hall from me. One is a middle-aged gym
teacher, and the other is a social worker in her mid-twenties. These two
women go everywhere together, and I've never seen a man go into their
apartment or come out. Do you think they could be lebanese?
****************************************************************************
*

Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

What can I do about all the sex, nudity, language and violence on my VCR?
****************************************************************************
*

Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

I am a twenty-three-year-old liberated woman who has been on the pill for
two years. It's getting expensive, and I think my boyfriend should share
half the cost, but I don't know him well enough to discuss money with him.

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

Our son writes that he is taking Judo. Why would a boy who was raised in a
good Christian home turn against his own?

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

I joined the Navy to see the world. I've seen it. Now, how do I get out?

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

My forty-year-old son has been paying a psychiatrist a visit an hour every
week for two-and-a-half years. He must be crazy.

****************************************************************************
*
Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

Do you think it would be all right if I gave my doctor a little gift? I
tried for years to get pregnant and couldn't, and he did it.
****************************************************************************
*

Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

My mother is mean and short-tempered. I think she is going through her
mental pause.
****************************************************************************
*

Dear Auntie Rhoda ,

You told some woman whose husband had lost all interest in sex to send him
to a doctor. Well, my husband lost all interest in sex years ago and he is a
doctor.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/22/05 03:39 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> Kumnandi ukuba ngu Aunt Rhoda hk hk hk hk
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/22/05 03:59 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/24/05 04:29 PM

journalist: ' cde. chinotimba, now that elections have come and gone and yu are now back on yo farm, what are yo plans?'

chinoz: 'you know how much i love this country. i died for this country during the liberation struggle. i will work hard to ensure food security. come over here. yu see this portion, i will grow baked beans. on this other one i will grow tomato source.'
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/25/05 08:43 PM

A little kid walks into a city bus and sits right behind the driver and starts yelling, "If my dad was a bull and my mom a cow I'd be a little bull."

The driver starts getting mad at the noisy kid, who continues with, "If my dad was an elephant and my mom a girl elephant I would be a little elephant."

The kid goes on with several animals until the bus driver gets angry and yells at the kid, "What if your dad was a drunk and your mom was a prostitute?"

The kid smiles and says, "I would be a bus driver!"
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/25/05 08:54 PM

There were three babies in a woman's womb, and they were discussing what they would like to be when they were out in the world and grown up.

The first one said "I wanna be a plumber." The others laughed at this, and asked why he wanted be be a plumber. He replied, "So I can fix the pipes in here, it's kinda leaky."

The second one said "I wanna be an electrician." The others thought this was kind of silly too and asked why. The second baby answered, "so I can get some lights in here, its dark!"

The third one said, "I wanna be a boxer." The others thought this was hilarious, and laughed for a full five minutes, before asking, "Why in God's name do you want to be a boxer?"

He replied proudly , "So I can beat the hell out of that bald guy who keeps coming in here shaking us and spitting on us jus before he leaves."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 01:06 AM

Science needs to find a way yokutshela umaboxer ukuthi hatshi ubold man uza lama prostaglandins okuthi labo bakhululwe masinya babone ilanga hk hk hk hk
Posted by: soweto

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 09:55 AM

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing amazayoni in the river. He walks into the water and bumps into the preacher. Almost overcome by the smell of alcohol, the preacher asks the drunk,
"mzalwane uyafuna ukumthola ujesu"

When the drunk answers, "Yes, I am," he grabs him and dunks him in the water. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, "Brother, have you found Jesus?"

The drunk answers "Maya angikamtholi"

Shocked at the response, the preacher pushes him into the water again, for a little longer this time. But when he asks again, "Usumtholile ujesu namfowethu?", the drunk still answers

"lokhe ngingakamjumi."

At his wits end, the preacher thrusts him into the water again, but this time holds him down for about 30 seconds. When his arms and legs begin to twitch, the preacher again asks the
drunk, "Ngothando lukankulunkulu usumtholile ujesu na?"

The drunk wipes his eyes, catches his breath and says to the
preacher, "uleqiniso lakho sibili mfundisi ukuthi ujesu wawela la"
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 04:29 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 04:29 PM

Three business men were sitting in a bar, drinking and discussing
how
>
> stupid their wives were. The first says, "I tell you, my wife is so
> stupid.
>
> Last week she went to the supermarket and bought $300 worth of meat
>
> because it was on sale, and we don't even have a fridge big enough
to
>
> keep it in!"
>
> The second agrees that she sounds pretty thick, but says his wife
is
>
> thicker. "Just last week, she went out and spent $17000 on a new
car,"
> he
>
> laments, "and she doesn't even know how to drive!"
>
>
>
> The third, a blond male, nods sagely and agrees that these two women
>
> sound like they both walked through the stupid forest and got hit
by
>
> every branch. However, he still thinks his wife is dumber. "I have
to
>
> laugh when I think about it," he chuckles. "Last week my wife left
on a
>
> vacation to Ibiza. I watched her packing her bags and she must have
> taken at least
>
> 5 boxes of condoms with her. She doesn't even have a penis.
>
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 04:33 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

This guy is stupid. Kanti wayengaboni ukuthi umfazi unxwaneleni? Shame. Ilifa lezithutha lidliwa ngabase Ibiza
Posted by: luulu9

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 06:29 PM

One day, three men were hiking and unexpectedly came upon a large raging, violent river. They needed to get to the other side, but had no idea of how to do so.

The first man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength to cross this river." *Poof!* God gave him big arms and strong legs, and he was able to swim across the river in about two hours, after almost drowning a couple of times.

Seeing this, the second man prayed to God, saying, "Please God, give me the strength ..and the tools to cross this river." *Poof!*

God gave him a rowboat and he was able to row across the river in about an hour, after almost capsizing the boat a couple of times.

The third man had seen how this worked out for the other two, so he also prayed to God saying, "Please God, give me the strength and the tools...And the intelligence... To cross this river." And *Poof!* God turned him into a woman. She looked at the map, hiked upstream a couple of hundred yards, then walked across the bridge.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 06:32 PM

hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: luulu9

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 06:50 PM

A man and his young wife were in divorce court, but the custody of their children posed a problem.

The mother leaped to her feet and protested to the judge that since she brought the children into this world, she should retain custody of them.

The man also wanted custody of his children, so the judge asked for his justification.

After a long silence, the man slowly rose from his chair and replied...

"Your Honor, when I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Coke comes out, does the Coke belong to me or the machine?"
Posted by: luulu9

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 06:58 PM

A man takes his wife to the stock show. They start heading down the alley that had the bulls. They come up to the first bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "He mated 50 times in a year, you could learn from him."

They proceed to the next bull and his sign stated: "This bull mated 65 times last year." The wife turns to her husband and says, "This one mated 65 times last year. That is over 5 times a month. You can learn from this one, also."

They proceeded to the last bull and his sign said: "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife's mouth drops open and says, "WOW! He mated 365 times last year. That is ONCE A DAY!!! You could really learn from this one."

The man turns to his wife and says, "Go up and see if it was 365 times with the same cow."
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 06:59 PM

hk hk hk hk hk hhk tshisa lulu
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 07:33 PM

Bhuuuuuuuuu Bhuuuuuuu Bhuuuuuuuuuuu

ngizobuya ngiphinde njalo ngoba ngiqunjelwe
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/26/05 08:19 PM

woza lazo Luulu9..hk..hk..hk.. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/27/05 01:48 AM

Luulu9 wena so

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: luulu9

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/27/05 02:04 AM

There were four guys in a train: a german guy, an american guy, an english guy and a zimbbawean guy. The german guy chucked some whisky out the window and said dont worry we have plenty of those where I come from. The american guy chucks a bomb out the window and says dont worry we have plenty of those where I come from. The english guy looks around for something to throw and throws the zimbabwean guy out the window and says dont worry we have plenty of those where I come from.

...that one is for you msupatsila and l hope you like it.....hk
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/27/05 02:40 AM

<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />

Wena uphethe istyle so. This nkundla will never be the same ngifunga udadewethu hk hkhk

Phinda njalo phinda

Kanti uwathatha
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/27/05 03:03 AM

Pius Ncube praying manje after the death of Pope John Paul II

Nkulunkulu wami sibonile osukwenzile nkosi yami, siyazi nguwe ophayo njalo nguwe othathayo. Usumthethe uPope John II nkosi yami. Kodwa baba bengingazange ngithi uPope mina bengithe uBob.


NB: Pope and Bob nxa ukukhuluma kuphosa kuhambelane so.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/27/05 07:21 AM

lululululu u rock ma ge keep it up <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/28/05 05:49 AM

An illiterate woman boarded a plane from Enugu to Abuja. She was booked for an economy class seat...

Just after the plane took-off, the woman stood up and went to sit in the first class cabin. The flight attendant went to ask her to go back and sit in economy class because that's where her ticket allowed her to sit, but she refused. She had paid and wanted the best seat.

Then the attendant informed the Junior pilot. The Junior pilot went and spoke with the lady and she still refused. Then the Junior pilot went to inform the Chief pilot. The Chief pilot said, "I am married to an illiterate", I'll go and talk to her.

The Chief Pilot went and whispered some words to the woman and she peacefully stood-up and went to her economy class seat.

The flight attendant and Junior pilot urprisingly asked the Chief Pilot : "Sir, what did you tell
her ?". The Chief Pilot said : Easy Guys !, I just told her that first class is not going to Abuja, only economy class is!!!.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/28/05 09:05 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/28/05 09:39 AM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> Usuqakeza kakhulu BKM. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: Re: Imbambo az' yephuke - 04/28/05 09:56 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="