IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2

Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/14/05 11:38 PM

Joseph chintomba went to an airline offcie to find out about air fares to zambia

J.C.>How long does it rake to fly from harare to zambia?

Agent.> juss a sec.........

J.C.> thank you and he lives.
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/15/05 12:13 AM

umugabe lo mzee lo nkomo bahamba ku meeting a china,kuthe ngemva kwesikhathi u mugabe wacela umzee ukuthi ayephathela amanzi

umzee wahamba okwesikhathi eside, waphenduka ethwele amanzi nge glass. Kuthe ngemav kwehola u nkomo laye wacela ukuthi u mzee ayemkhela amanzi.....kwahlala isikhathi u mzee engaphendukanga, kwathi ngemva kwesikhathi waphenduka ethwele i glass lingela manzi, unkmo wadana wambuza ukuthi kanti mzee amanzi ami akaphi?
mzee>lapha engikhele khona u shefu amanzi akhe ngifice sokuhlezi umuntu.......
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/15/05 03:36 AM

Wavuka eyibambileubaba,wayikhangela,wayithintitha,wanyikinya ikhanda ekhumbula ukuthi yiyo elele ikhalisa umama.
Wayibisela esikhwameni incwadi yeMFA
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/15/05 10:54 PM

ANGELS IN OUR MIDST

DAUGHTER: MOM, I THINK OUR MAID IS AN ANGEL!
MOTHER : WHY HONNIE?
DAUGHTER: SHE WAS NAKED IN YOUR BEDROOM SCREAMING,
"OOH GOD I'M COMING! I`M COMING". LUCKILY, DAD WAS
HOLDING HER FROM BEHIND.....
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/15/05 11:29 AM

lNKULUMO ZABETSHABI E UK[Part 1]
1.Ini ndakatayimira kupinda pasati patanga nyaya yemavhiza
2.Chembere ne dot com ndizvo.
3.At times Mugabe ari right mhani.
4.Siyana nema homes, ku agency kune chibhanzi shasha.
5.Mazuvano muri kutumira nemarii.
6.Kuno kwazara mahure akomana.
7.Shamwari first time yangu kusvika muno muUK ndakatambura haikona zvekutamba.
8.This time ndikadzokera kumba ndomboendawo kuVic Falls.
8.Vamwe vanhu shuwa unomboshaya kuti vakapinda sei.
9.Ndiri kumhanya nedhara rangu rechivheti kuitira matsamba.
10.So far ndatumira six magonyeti.
11.Ah ndasuwa mwana wangu mufunge, but manje
ndikadzokera handipinde futi.
12. Ndivoka vari kudya nedhiri remacredit cards ka ava.
13.Mungateedzere ava here, handiti family yavo yese yaakuno.
14.Mazimba kuzara kuno kudai mukati kuZimbabwe kuchiri nevanhu.
15. Hanzi anga ari lawyer ka iyeye, but iye zvino
taanaye mucare work, UK ndimaenzanise chokwadi.
16.Kana usati waenda kubhawa kwaJerry kuSlough hapana zvawati waona.
17.These days uka 'claimer' asylum unobva wa 'grantwa'
one time.
18.Boys ku den hakuna kumira bhoo asi imi muri
kutofara henyu.
19.Ndanga ndisingazive kuti vanhu ava ma racist kudai so.
20.PaGatwick ndipo pasinganetse manje.
21. Akadzoswa kumba last week akasiya zvinhu zvake zvese.
22.Vanhu ava vakatimaka just because tiri
maZimbabweans.
23.Hanzi vanhu vari kumusha vari kutoita more
chibhanzi than isusu.
24.Card risinganetse kufona kuZimbabwe nderipi
chaizvo.
25.Ha-a nyika ino yazondirijusa haikona. Apa chirungu
chavo hachinzwike mhani.
[to be continued]
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/15/05 08:19 PM

Mugabe visited Bulawayo some time after the Murambat***** nonsense,omunye umagogo wamlanda efuna ukukhuluma laye:

Gogas:kodwa shuwa baba Mugabe nxa udiliza izindlu zethu,uthi siyengaphi?


Mugabe:hk hk, lina lalisithi "Mugabe must go',Mugabe must go",lalisithi ngiyengaphi.
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/16/05 07:41 AM

Uyazi kwake kwathi kudala abantu bengakaphucuki kwelemaguswini komnyamubambile ngelinye ilanga okungamatwins umfana lenkazana kukuma 3years khonapho kuyazidlalela laphaya,lokhu okungumfana kwasekudobha isibuko into okwakuvele kungakaze kuyibone empilweni,kwasho kutshengisa omunye wakho "a uyabona,kukhanya okungumfana lapha entweni leyi"okunkazana lakho kwathi kuyakhangela lakho kwazibona "ulamanga wena yinkazana leyi"kwaphikiswana ke kwaze kwaphosa kwalunywana kwasekutholakala icebo lokuthi ngcono kuyebuza uyisemkhulu owayebhizi laye ebaza izikeyi zakhe esihlahleni laphaya."khulu yikuyini lokhu okulapha" wasikhangela isibuko umdala laye wazibona wathi "lanibazukulu bami liyahlupha mani litsho ukuthi aliboni ukuthi yindwangu leyi"
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/16/05 08:01 AM

Uyazi amasmall house ayathandeka kithi amajida.Uyabona umjida esegula blayindi eMpilo laphaphana,thina izihlobo labangane lathi phela siyabe sifika sitshiya okuncane kumember ukwenzela phela ukuthi akhavise kumafriuts lokunye nje okungabe kungafuneka nxa umuntu egula.Phela khonapho liyabe lilihlekana ligombolozele umbeda lawe uyazi loSmall house laye uyabe ekhona belokhe benyonkolozana lomamomdala,uzabona nxa ibhera yokuthi isikhathi sokuphuma kwabazobona izigulane sesitshayile abantu sebephuma uzezwa umjida ngelizwi lokufuthelwa eliphansi esesithi "bengicela lowu omncane ake asale mbijana kulokunye engifuna ukumlayezele khona"uzayibona isingena kushelf yayo leyana iphuma lokuyisambanyana uzwe"hayi mama lapha lani lizabona okokudla lerent lokhu okunye sizabona ngokuhamba kwensuku"usephiwa yonaleya eyamafruits.Yeyi sithwele nzima majida
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/16/05 05:46 PM

It's amazing how a human mind works


I cdnuolt blveiee taht I cluod aulaclty uesdnatnrd waht I was rdanieg. The phaonmneal pweor of the hmuan mnid Aoccdrnig to rscheearch taem at Cmabrigde Uinervtisy, it deosn 't mttaer in waht oredr the ltteers in a wrod are, the olny iprmoatnt tihng is taht the frist and lsat ltteer be in the rghit pclae. The rset can be a taotl mses and you can sitll raed it wouthit a porbelm. Tihs is bcuseae the huamn mnid deos not raed ervey
lteter by istlef, but the wrod as a wlohe. Such a cdonition is arppoiately cllaed Typoglycemia <img border="0" title="" alt="[Smile]" src="images/icons/smile.gif" /> -

Amzanig huh? Yaeh and yuo awlyas thought slpeling was ipmorantt
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/16/05 08:53 PM

The Verdict...


A woman had been caught shoplifting in a supermarket and had to appear in
court, taking along her long-suffering husband for moral support.

The prosecution proved that the theft had taken place so the judge told her that, considering her record, he was forced to impose a jail term.
"This time you stole a can of tomatoes. Let us suppose that there were six tomatoes in the can. Do you agree?"
"Then I sentence you to six nights in jail."
The woman agreed.


The husband jumped to his feet, addressing the judge, "Your honor, may approach the bench?"
"Well," said his honor, this is somewhat unusual but I will make an exception in this case. You may approach the bench."


The husband wasted no time getting there and, leaning forward, he said in a low voice, "She also stole a can of peas."
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/18/05 12:43 PM

lNKULUMO ZABETSHABI[part 2]

26.Chikafu chekuno hachinake, hachina door
nechekudheni.
27.Boys dzinematsamba d zinoda kuwanza but hapana musoro wadziri kumboita.
28.Bus pass rangu mudhosvo, matsaga ekuno haakete chunhu, ajaira kungotrasta munhu wese.
29.Ini handidi kugara area ine maZimbo hobho shaa-aa,anokudzoseresa kumba or even kukutorera murume kana usingazive.
30.Vanhu vari kuZimbabwe havambozivi moto watiri kuona kuno, chavo kuda mari chete.
31.Usanyeberwe, this guy ane mukadzi nemwana kuZimbabwe.
32.Manje Zimba rizere kuLuton, kuSlough nekuLeicester.
Unoita kunge uri kufamba kuMbare chaiko. Apa Aids iri kubva yawandawo.
33.Hona kuda kuvhaira nemasports car avakazozivira kuno kuUK.
34.Akauya achirwara uyu atozosimba nefood neweather.
35.Akatumira boyfriend yake ticket and ichingopinda yakabva yamutiza.
36.I don't know kuti vasina hama dziri kuUK vari kupona nei chaizvo.
37.Mazuvano ndiri kurova ma nights nema long hours chete because zvinhu hazvina ku mira bhoo kumusha. Kuno tichafa ne stress chete.
38.So far ndazadza ma suit case three nehembe, kwasara ma cell phones nedvd player zvekutumira kumusha.
39.Hanzi mukadzi ari kuhura ari kuZimbabwe iye achikuvara neshift kudayi, ende zvakaoma.
40.Ariko kuZimbabwe ari stuck nenyaya yevhiza.
Takamuti ayedze Malawian passport.
41. Wati Pound kuZimbabwe ririkuchinjwa nemarii??
42.Shamwari mukadzi ndewekutotsvaga uchiri kumusha kwete izvi zvekuno.
43.Akaita luck akawana 'indefinite stay' saka at least aakukwanisa kumbodzokera kudheni.
44.Ha-a iwe takangofanana mhani, matsamba whether no matsamba tese tiri zvipoko.
45.Kuno hakuuyiwe nevana because vanokutadzisa keunda kushift.
46.Akatoita funeral yekuchema ari paphone atadza kuenda kumusha since ari chinyahwe.
47.Manje ukada kuteedzera zvemajama hautenge stand kumba.
48.Takuvara nekurera vana. Dai tiri kuZimba taitsvaga musikana webasa.
49.This time ndomboendawo neBritish Airways, nekuti
Mazarura haasi kutembeka anogona kupera peturu muri mudenga.
50.Ko iye Mugabe ari kumbonzi akafa wani?
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/18/05 02:07 PM

KwakungolweSithathu emini

KwakungolweSithathu emini ngerisese ngizicashele ekhabetheni eklasini, ngibalekela uthish' uMzobe, kanti uzovele angene khona ekilasini ndini lelo.Phela umsebenzi wasekhaya bengingawenzanga.Kuthe kungakapholi maseko wayesengena njalo uthishelakazi Mdletshe, base bekhulumela phansi behleba ukuthi, kuzothi ngelantshi uma sekulungiselelwa umdlalo kanobhusthuzwayo owawuzobakhona ebaleni, bona baye estoreroom lapho kugcinwa khona izimpahla zesikole. Ngangisakwazi nokuphefumula phela ekhabetheni lelo,ngilalele uMzobe encenga ukuthi uMaMdletshe ake amhlephulele. Ngangicabanga phela ukuthi isinkwa lesi uMzobe ayekhuluma ngaso , kanti ngishaye phansi kwashunqa uthuli, Mzobe ndini lo wayezicelela imomozi nje,ngangilokhu ngizwa uhleko insinsitheka ingane yakwa Mdletshe. Bathi nje bephuma eklasini nami ngaphuma ngayongena estoreroom leso ngayozishutheka emva komnyango owawuncikiswe odongeni.Akuphelanga mizuzu emingaki zase zithelela izigilamkhuba, bangena wakhiya uMzobe wayese ekhipha isikhiye emnyango, maqede wakhumula usafari wawulengisa esipikilini somnyango engangicashe emva kwawo, lwangithi heqe uvulo nenjabulo kanyenkanye. Nembala uMzobe wamphulula kabili kathathu ezinqeni uMaMdletshe ngambona ekhumula izibuko zamehlo uMaMdletshe ezibekela ecale.Wamxhuma ulimi khona lapho, waze waphakamisa unyawo olulodwa uMiss Mdletshe. Basingathana bacisho bawa phansi kwazise nendawo yayincane bo estoreroom. Wathi ukuqhela kancane uMzobe walunguza, ngiyabona wayeqinisekisa ukuthi babengabonwa, engazi phela ukuthi ugalakajana oyimina wayebukela bukhoma umdlalo wabo lo. Kwabuya okunguMzobe kwamenyusa isiketi uMiss Mdletshe kwancoma idilozi ayelifakile elibomvu, wamamatheka into engapheli umisi. Wamcela ukuba adunuse abambelele kuwo kanye umnyango lo ngangicashe emva kwawo, waba eseguqa umfoka Mzobe esemkhotha ngemuva umisi.Waphefumulela phezulu umisi equmisa okwesiguli esisezinhlungwini esibhedlela, elokhu ethi "Hawe Mzobe kodwa wawukuphi sonke lesis'khathi".Waphakama lapho uMzobe wehlisa ibhukwe lakhe , webakithi! angizange ngiyibone mina into enje, wathi uma ehlisa isikhindi sangaphansi yaphuma ibhanyaza futhi ime mpo isimenyezela into emnyama tsu, iqhanse nemithambo.Mukhulu nawu umthondo, kwethuka mina ngizicashele ngaze ngaphathwa nayingwici.uMzobe wamqhweba umisi emkhombisa imbomboshe yomthondo wakhe, wake wama umisi ebuka isibhombolozi lesi ngambona ejuluka ikhala kuphela. Mina ngase ngifile ukuqhanyelwa, kwadilozi engangilifakile selimanzi te.Wayesembamba ngesandla ekhanda umisi emphushela ngakuwo belu umthondokazi. Wabuza umisi kuMzobe ukuthi enzeni manje, lapho uMzobe wayebhodlisa okwethole uma ekhuluma esemtshela ukuthi ancele phela umbelekazi lo ngomlomo.Wawuthinta sakuwuxwaya ngomunwe elokhu ehleka uhleko lomuntu othukile. Wawufaka emlomeni kwabakanye wakhwehlela waze wagonyuluka, okwathi kusuka uMzobe wathi kulungile akayeke. Ngabona lapho ukuthi uMzobe ulwazi lakhe alujulanga nje kwi Meks (izibalo phela) kodwa nakwezocansi uhamba yedwa uMzobe.Wamphindisela khona emnyango wami umisi emdunusisa, wamfaka umunwe ngemuva.Wakhala umisi ngahlekela ngaphakathi ngisho ngenhliziyo ukuthi uhlala esibhambabula ngenduku nje naye uyakhala kanti. Ngithe ngisathi nje ngishintsha imilenze yami ngoba ngase ngikhathele ukuma ngezwa ngomnyango ungiciphiza kakhulu, ngezwa futhi nomisi ekhala ethi "Hawe Ma, hawe Nkulunkulu wami". Ngalesokhathi uMzobe wayeseyiphonse phakathi imamba kumisi,efenda ngolukhulu udlame lolu, kwakunyakaza izinto kwaze kwawa namahalavu esikole ayencike odongeni, ngingasaphathi-ke okwami ngoba isicabha lesi sasithe ne kimi ngingasakwazi nokwenzani ngisho nokufaka umunwe lo ngoba isibumbu sami sasesiluma futhi sifutha kabi.Uyabhebha uMzobe , ngezwa kuqhuma usuzo, engingazanga ukuthi lalibuya kubani,ngahlekela ngaphakathi namaphaphu ami esebuhlungu nokubabuhlungu.Umisi wayesehema elokhu ethi "hawe Jesu uJerico wani, angisamfuni lothekwane". UMzobe yena wayebheke phezulu eZulwini ehline ebusweni wawungathi ugwinya amalangabi, lapho wayesenesishwapha owawungafunga ukuthi indlovu iyosithela, ethe ne emvakwa misi. Mina ngokuphelelwa umoya manje ngenxa yokuhleka nokucishizwa umnyango, ngagcina sengiveze ikhanda ecaleni komnyango, ngisithwe usafari kaMzobe kancane.Nami ingqondo yayibuye kubesengathi iyahamba ukuqhanyelwa,okuthe uma ngithi phapha ngabona uMzobe ethe njo kulesisikhala engangilunguze kuso. Ngambona ehlahla amehlo engibhekile okwathi emva kwesikhashana wagexezisa ikhanda sakuvuma, elokhu engibhekile kodwa eqhubekile nokubhebha. Ngase ngimhalela ngifisa ukuphuma nami angimangaze,ngoba kwa boy flend yami uMhlebeni kuzothatha isikhathi ukuthi afinyelele kuleliyazinga. Ngambona uthisa ngelanga elilandela wangibizela ecaleni,wathi ufuna ngiyoklina estoreroom ngolweSihlanu ntambama, ngifunde kwezami ukuthi usho ukuthini. Angisakwazi ukulinda.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/19/05 09:41 AM

Bank Robbery
This is just too funny +disgusting not to share Excerpted from an article which appeared in the Dublin Times about a bank robbery.....Once inside the bank shortly after midnight,their efforts at disabling the security system got underway immediately.The robbers, who expected to find one or two large safes filled with cash & valuables, were surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes throughout the bank.The robbers cracked the first safe's combination,and inside they found only a small bowl of vanilla pudding. As recorded on the bank's audio tape system,one robber said, At least we'll have a bit to eat.The robbers opened up a second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding.The process continued until all safes were opened.They did not find one pound sterling, a diamond,or an ounce of gold.
Instead, all the safes contained covered bowls of pudding.
Disappointed, the robbers made a quiet exit,each leaving with nothing more than a queasy,uncomfortably full stomach.
The newspaper headline read:
" IRELAND'S LARGEST SPERM BANK ROBBED EARLY THIS MORNING..."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/21/05 02:17 AM

Amen!! Allelua


A Preacher said: "If I had all the beer in the world, I'd take it and throw it into the
river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the wine in the world, I'd take it and throw it in the river".
And the congregation cried, "Amen!"

"And if I had all the whiskey and rum in the world, I'd take it all and throw it in the river".
Again the congregation cried, "Amen!"

The preacher sat down.

The deacon then stood up & said: "For our closing hymn, let's turn to page 126 of our hymn books and sing, 'We shall drink from that river'".


THE CONGREGATION SCREAMED HALLELUYA!!!!!
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/21/05 08:23 AM

mabila ungayenzi so..uzasibulala <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/21/05 12:34 PM

A man 4got to zip up so a lady tells him ;u left yo garage open .man asks;did yu see my black merc parked inside? woman ans,no just a mini cooper with flat tyers .
Posted by: kaMjaji

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/22/05 09:14 AM

SERIOUS TECHNICAL SUPPORT ISSUE!!!


18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2,
which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are
apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution
was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off. To make
matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other
applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9.

Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better. I tried a
shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus
in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks.
Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the
same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each
other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to FiancHe 1.0, only to discover that this
product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0
tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with
FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2004. Shortly after this upgrade, however, I
found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run.

Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0's memory and
could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had
forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer
and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and
Whinge.

These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess
what the problem is.

Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly,
requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express
which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0
attaches itself to my Saab 93 Convertible hard drive, it often
crashes.

Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw,
which can't be turned off. Recently I've been tempted to install
Mistress 2003, but there could be problems. A friend of mine has
alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2003, it
tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Help requested please?
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/22/05 01:48 PM

WOMAN
The best way of describing a woman is to use a ball. . .
At 18, she is a football - 22 men going after her.
At 28, she is a hockey ball - 8 men after her.
At 38, she is a golf ball - 1 man after her.
At 48, she is a Ping-Pong ball - 2 men pushing her to each other.

What women think about sex?
At age 8 ignore it.
At age 18 experience it.
At age 28 look for it.
At age 38 ask for it.
At age 48 beg for it.
At age 58 pay for it.
At age 68 pray for it.
At age 78 forget it!

MAN
The best way of describing a man is to compare him to fruits. . .
At 20 - A man is like a coconut; so much to offer, so little to give.
At 30 - He is like a durian; dangerous but delicious.
At 40 - He is like a water-melon; big, round & juicy.
At 50 - He is like a mandarin orange; the season comes once in a year.
At 60 - He is just like a raisin; dried out, wrinkled &cheap.

Man's sexual chemistry
At 20s thrice weekly.
At 30s tries weekly.
At 40s tries weakly.
At 50s tries & tries.
At 60s tries & cries.
At 70s tries & dies!
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/25/05 05:06 PM

AFFAIR
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job
to examine the dead bodies before they were sent off
to be buried or cremated. As he examined the body of
Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be cremated, he made an
amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the longest
private
part he had ever seen! "I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said
the mortician, "but I can't send you off to be
cremated with a tremendously huge private part like
this. It has to be saved for posterity."
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the
dead man's schlong. He stuffed his prize into a
briefcase and took it home. The first person he showed
it to was his wife. "I have something to show you that
you won't believe," he said, and opened up his
briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwartz is dead!"
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/05 03:40 AM

A HIGH SCHOOL GIRL FINALLY HAD THE OPPORTUNITY TO GO TO A PARTY ALONE,


SINCE SHE WAS GOOD LOOKING,

SHE WAS A BIT NERVOUS ABOUT WHAT TO DO IF BOYS HIT ON HER, HER MOM SAID,

IT'S VERY EASY WHENEVER A BOY STARTS HIITING ON YOU, YOU ASK HIM "WHAT

WILL BE THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" THAT WILL SCARE THEM OFF, SO SHE WENT.


AFTER A LITTLE WHILE AT THE PARTY A BOY STARTED DANCING WITH HER, AND

LITTLE BY LITTLE, KISSING HER AND TOUCHING HER. SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT

WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?" THE BOY FOUND SOME EXCUSE AND DISAPPEARED.


SOME TIME LATER THE SAME THING HAPPENED AGAIN, A BOY STARTED TO KISS HER

NECK,HER SHOULDERS........ SHE STOPPED HIM AND ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL BE

THE NAME OF OUR BABY?" HE RAN OFF.

LATER ON, ANOTHER BOY INVITED HER FOR A WALK, AFTER A FEW MINUTES HE

STARTED KISSING HER AND SHE ASKED HIM, "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE CALLED?"

HE CONTINUED,NOW SLOWLY TAKING HER CLOTHES OFF. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY BE

CALLED?"

SHE ASKED ONCE MORE. HE BEGAN TO HAVE SEX WITH HER. "WHAT WILL OUR BABY

BE CALLED?" SHE ASKED AGAIN.


AFTER HE WAS DONE,HE PEELED OFF HIS CONDOM,TIED IT IN A KNOT AND

SAID....

"IF HE GETS OUT OF THIS ONE.........He will be called McGyver
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/05 06:48 AM

<img src="http://img391.imageshack.us/img391/5205/15aaf5982sy.gif" alt=" - " />
Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/05 09:48 PM

Customer: I'm trying to connect to the Internet with your CD, but it just doesn't work. What am I doing wrong?
Tech support: OK, you've got the CD in the CD drive, right?
Customer: Yeah....
Tech support: And what sort of computer are you using?
Customer: Computer? Oh no, I haven't got a computer. It's in the CD player and all I get is weird noises. Listen.....
Tech support: Aaaarrrrgggghhhh!!!

===============

Tech support: What kind of computer do you have?
Female customer: A white one...

===============

Customer: Hi, this is Celine. I can't get my diskette out.
Tech support: Have you tried pushing the button?
Customer: Yes, sure, it's really stuck.
Tech support: That doesn't sound good; I'll make a note.
Customer: No .. wait a minute... I hadn't inserted it yet... it's still on my desk... sorry....

===============

Tech support: Click on the 'my computer' icon on the left of the screen.
Customer: Your left or my left?

============== =

Tech support: Good day. How may I help you?
Male customer: Hello... I can't print.
Tech support: Would you click on "start" for me and...
Customer: Listen pal; don't start getting technical on me! I'm not Bill Gates, damn it!

===============

Customer: Hi, good afternoon, this is Martha, I can't print. Every time I try, it says 'Can't find printer'. I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says he can't find it...

===============

Customer: I have problems printing in red...
Tech support: Do you have a color printer?
Customer: Aaaah....................thank you.


===============

Tech support: What's on your monitor now, ma'am?
Customer: A teddy bear my boyfriend bought fo r me in the supermarket.

===============

Customer: My keyboard is not w orking anymore.
Tech support: Are you sure it's plugged into the computer?
Customer: No. I can't get behind the computer.
Tech support: Pick up your keyboard and walk 10 paces back.
Customer: OK
Tech support: Did the keyboard come with you?
Customer: Yes
Tech support: That means the keyboard is not plugged in. Is there another keyboard?
Customer: Yes, there's another one here. Ah...that one does work

===============

Tech support: Your password is the small letter a as in apple, a capital letter V as in Victor, the number 7.
Customer: Is that 7 in capital letters?

===============

Customer: I can't get on the Internet.
Tech support: Are you sure you used the right password?
Customer: Yes, I'm sure. I saw my coll eague do it.
Tech support: Can you tell me what the password was?
Customer: Five stars.

===============

Tech support: What anti-virus program do you use?
Customer: Netscape.
Tech support: That's not an anti-virus program.
Customer: Oh, sorry...Internet Explorer.

===============

Customer: I have a huge problem. A friend has placed a screen saver on my computer, but every time I move the mouse, it disappears.

===============

Tech support: How may I help you?
Customer: I'm writing my first e-mail.
Tech support: OK, and what seems to be the problem?
Customer: Well, I have the letter 'a' in the address, but how do I get the circle around it?

===============

A woman customer called the Canon help desk with a problem with her printer.
Tech support: Are you running it under windows?
Customer: "No, my desk is next to the door, but that is a good point. The man sitting in the cubicle next to me is under a window, and his printer is working fine."

===============

And last but not least:....

Tech support: "Okay Bob, let's press the control and escape keys at the same time. That brings up a task list in the middle of the screen. Now type the letter "P" to bring up the Program Manager."
Customer: I don't have a P.
Tech support: On your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: What do you mean?
Tech support: "P".....on your keyboard, Bob.
Customer: I'M NOT GOING TO DO THAT!!
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/27/05 12:29 PM

AFFAIR
Jake was dying. His wife, Becky, was maintaining a
candlelight vigil by his side. She held his fragile
hand, tears running down her face. Her praying roused
him from his slumber. He looked up, and his pale
lips began to move slightly. "Becky, my darling," he
whispered.
"Hush, my love," she said. "Rest, don't talk."
He was insistent. "Becky," he said in his tired voice.
"I have something that I must confess."
"There isn't anything to confess I know everything,"
replied the weeping Becky, "everything's alright, go
to sleep."
"No, no, I must die in peace, Becky. I... I slept with
your sister, your best friend, her best friend, and
your mother!"
"I know," whispered Becky, "that's why I poisoned you."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/27/05 02:40 PM

Amazing How People can push for an agenda


The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English will be the official language of the European Union rather than German, which was the other possibility.

As part of the negotiations, the British Government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a 5- year phase-in plan that would become known as "Euro-English".

In the first year, "s" will replace the soft "c". Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard "c" will be dropped in favour of "k". This should klear up konfusion, and keyboards kan have one less letter.

There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year when the troublesome "ph" will be replaced with "f". This will make words like fotograf 20% shorter.

In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of the new spelling kanbe expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated changes are possible.

Governments will enkourage the removal of double letters which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.

Also, al wil agre that the horibl mes of the silent "e" in the languag is disgrasful and it should go away.

By the 4th yer people wil be reseptiv to steps such as replasing "th" with "z" and "w" with "v".

During ze fifz yer, ze unesesary "o" kan be dropd from vords kontaining "ou" and after ziz fifz yer, ve vil hav a reil sensibl riten styl.
Zer vil be no mor trubl or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi tu understand ech oza. Ze drem of a united urop vil finali kum tru.
Und efter ze fifz yer, ve vil al be speking German like zey vunted in ze forst plas.

If zis mad you smil, pleas pas on to oza pepl

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" />
Posted by: MANDLA SIGABADE NDETHI

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/27/05 05:13 PM

hk hk hk hk hk hk kleke petu. Lina bantwana lenzani kanti.
Posted by: Mabonwabulawe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/29/05 10:13 PM

The Cowboy Baptist
==================

A cowboy walks into a bar in Texas, orders three mugs of beer
and sits in the back room, drinking a sip out of each one in turn.

When he finishes them, he comes back to the bar and orders three
more.

The bartender approaches and tells him, "You know, a mug goes
flat after I draw it so it would taste better if you bought just
one at a time."

The cowboy replies, "Well, you see, I have two brothers. One is in Australia, the other is in Dublin and I'm in Texas. When we
all left Wyoming, we promised that we'd drink this way to remember the days we were together. So I drink one for each of my brothers and one for myself."

The bartender admits that this is a nice custom and leaves it
there. The cowboy becomes a regular in the bar, and always
drinks the same way. He orders three mugs and drinks them in
turn.

One day, he comes in and orders only two mugs!

All the regulars take notice and fall silent. When he comes
back to the bar for the second round, the bartender says,"I don't want to intrude on your grief, but I wanted to offer my condolences on your loss."

The cowboy looks quite puzzled for a moment, then a light dawns and he laughs. "Oh, no, everybody's just fine," he explains...
"It's just that my wife and I joined the Baptist Church and obviously I had to quit drinking.
Hasn't affected my brothers though."
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/29/05 11:28 AM

Njengoba bahlala besho abadala ukuba inja ingaliqhoba ithambo imane ijwayele,kwabanjalo nakulomfokazana wakwaDube.Kwakusithi ngayoyonke inkathi inkosikazi yangakwakhe uMadube ingagibela isitimela iya ekhaya ,yena uzosuka athathe ijiko ayebeletha isidandane sakhe esogama uNondindwa aze naso apha ekamelweni labo lomshado.
Yayingabuzanga elangeni indoda yakwaDube ngoba ngaleyo mpelasonto wathi ma efika ekhaya uMadlomo wafumana bayagula bonke phecelezi,omkhulu ogogo kanye nabanye.Nakhoke kwakufanele futhi kulungile ukubana asheshe aphindele edolobheni kusesemasishane ayokwazisa owangakwakhe khona naye azokwazi ukuba aphuthume alubhekise ekhaya kungakonakali.
Kunjalonje sasingaphiwa themba isitimela esasihambela kuleyo ndawo,yikho naye akummangalisanga ukubana nomanje wasuke kusesemini enkulu,,wagcina efinyelela edolobheni sekuphakathi kwamabili.
Endlini apha!Yisisanasana umshado wezinja.Bayaphulazana uDube noNondindwa wakhe,sebemanzi te.lgazi eliningi elemizimba yabo seligelezele ezithweni zabo zangasese.Sebefile yi ekisayithimenti.Wayesekhefuzela owakwa Dube.UNondinwa yena esekhalisa okosana ecela alabhele ukubana umnuDube amqedisele ngokushesha ngoba esefile wukuqhanyelwa.Kepha kube ingcuphe.'Gugugu'kube nomsindo emnyango wangaphambili.Kukhona onqonqozayo.Bafikelwe ukwethuka okudibene nokucasuka ngalomuntu okhethe ukuzevakasha khona ngqe ngomzuzwana kufanele baqale lendabandaba yabo.Kwaba nokuthula okukhulu ngaphandle komsindo wokuhonqa kukaDlamini yena owayeyisiqashi lapha kwaDube, esebenzisa ikamelo lesipeya.'Gugugu'kubuye kuqhubeke futhi okhu kunqonqoza,khona manje kulandelwa yizwana lowesifazana elimnanjana lithi lona. 'vula Dube sthandwa yimi uMadlomo umkakho'.
Weqa watatazela uDube eqonda ekamelweni apho kwakulele khona isiqashi uDlamini.Apha ezandleni uphethe uNondindwa wakhe kalula nje sasana olunyangantathu.UDlamini wayeyimvu yomuntu,eyindoda esabathayo.Nomanje wayeqashile apha ,babevele sebephathana sabafo begazi noDube.Yikho waphanga wayizwisisa lenkinga eyayisehlele umfowabo,wavuma ukumkhipha emlonyeni wengwenya ngokumgcinela isidandane sakhe okwalobobusuku.Wavula umnyango uDube ejuluka izithukuthuku samuntu obekade eshosholoza.
Sebesembhedeni waqala ukushwashwatha ezasekhaya uMadlomo.'Dube sthandwa,ngilana nje angisenawo amandla ngesimo esisekhaya.Kugula wonke umndeni belo'[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]umsindo lo ubuya ngasekamelweni likaDlamini.'ukhulu yena,' kuqubeka uMadlomo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]umsindo uyaqhubeka.
Uyawuzwa lumsindo uDube kodwa uzama ukukushaya indiva nje ngoba engafuni ukukuvuma neze ukubana umnumzana ohloniphekayo njengo Dlamini engamana angenwe wusathane kalula njena nje.'kasavuke la phansi umkhulu',uyaqhubeka uMadlomo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]
Wazincweba idolo uDube,wazwela ubuhlungu.Wakukholwa impela ukubana lumsindo uvelela embhedeni kaDlamini,futhi kumgceke ukuba useshaya ihlandla lesibili uDlaminindini lo.
Wajuluka ngolaka uDube.'This is bullshit',ngephutha waphumisela uDube.'Bhulushiti kanjani sthandwa abantu bephatheke kanjena lena ekhaya?'Wabuza uMadlomo ngokumangala okungaphezulu.'Ngyasho nje just'.kusho uDube nempendulo ongaze wayikhomba inhloko nomsila wayo.[tswiki tswiki tswiki...]Wakuzwa njalo lokhu uDube ,wazi njalo ukubana nomakanjani useshaya ihlandla lesithathu umnuDlamini.
Wayengumuntu onaso isineke nobekezelo umfokaDube kodwa hatshi ma sekunokudelela okunjena.
Waphuma uDube samntu olubhekise esambuzini kepha wadla ijiko waseyama phambi komnyango wekamelo likaDlamini.Usecasuke!Wena owabona imamba.Kunjalo nje wayesazi kamhlophe ukubana ukuvele aphaphalaze nje ayiphathe kabi lendaba inqgobe zisala ngaye.Wanqonqoza emnyango kaDlamini ngomsindo nangamandla aphindiweyo uDube,esho ememeza futhi.'Dlamini!Dlamini!,siyagulelwa ekhaya.Uyangizwa Dlamini? Ngithe siyagulelwa ekhaya Dlamini.Siyaguleeeelwa.' UDlamini waphendula ngezwi lomntu ofayo athi.'Ngi-ngi-ngiye-yezwa ba-ba-baba Du-du-dube'.[tswiki tswiki tswiki........]
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/03/05 06:15 AM

Ngikulibha ngento yami engena ngekhanda iphume ngezibunu
IMPENDULO:Nguwindi katshova
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/03/05 10:57 PM

Haaaa Sthembolwakhe! Sikuthembile ngempela hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: kaMjaji

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/04/05 11:48 AM

UDlodlo(kesiphumuze omunye) wayenga-shoti esililweni noma ngesakobani. Wadlula komunye umuzi bewatshe amakhetheni. Wangena esezikhalisa esithi " Umuyi bo, umuyi bakithi usesitshiyile" etsho ehlala phambi kweqaga lamahewu.
Bamphendula bethi "Hayi Siwatshamakhetheni" Yena waqhubeka ebeka iqhaga phansi esula umlomo ethi "uSiwatshamakhetheni booh, wasitshiyela indubeko mfowethu Siwatshamakhetheni"
Posted by: mkhize ozikhizayo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/04/05 11:55 AM

waze wangilahisa mfowethu ngiphethwe zimbambo la engikhona. <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/04/05 11:57 AM

Ngu Dlodlo kanye lami ngangikhona ko Siwatshamakhetheni <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hk hk hk hk hk
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/04/05 02:20 PM

KAMJANJI UYAROCKA <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/05/05 03:03 AM

wife: imihlola seka Mgayiwa.
husband: Sekutheni nina
wife: emini lapha ungekho, kufike insizwa ezimbili zathi kangikhwele esihlahleni ngizikhele imangoe.
husband:haa ntombi yami; bebefuna ukubona i-pant lakho
wife:ngikwazile somoya, yikho nje ngihle ngalikhupha ngingakaze ngigade esihlahleni
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/05/05 04:42 AM

<img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> Joskeyi......hayi agh!
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/05/05 05:16 AM

Joskeyi, owakutshel'ukuth'isihlahla siyagadwa ngubani? Umuntu uyakhwela isihlahla.hatshi ukugada.Inzomba yiyo egadwayo.
Posted by: hlathi81

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/05/05 08:42 AM

Joskeyi, uyabulala jeki.. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/05/05 11:04 AM

An Israeli doctor says: "Medicine in my country is so advanced that we
can take a kidney out of one man, put it in another, and have him
looking
for work in six weeks."
A British doctor says: "That is nothing, we can take a lung out of one
person, put it in another, and have him looking for work in four weeks.
A Canadian doctor says: "In my country, medicine is so advanced that we
can take half a heart out of one person, put it in another, and have
them
both looking for work in two weeks."
A Zimbabwean doctor, not to be outdone, says: "You guys are way behind,
We just took a man with no brain - made him President, and now the whole
country is looking for work
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/06/05 10:16 PM

ORGASM

The Positive Orgasm "Oh yes, Ohhh Yesss, OH YESSSSS"

The Nagative Orgasm "Oh no, Ohhh Nooo, OH NOOOO"

The Spiritual Orgasm "Oh God, Ohhh Goddd, OH MY GODDDDD"

The Fake Orgasm "Oh Richard, Ohh Richard, OH REEEECHAAAARD"

The Indian Classical Orgasm "Nahi Nahiii Nahiii?."

The Rock & Roll Orgasm "O Baby, O baby?. O baby"

The Heavy Metal Orgasm "C'mon Honey, Go Jonny, Yeah Baby, Deeper Honey, Cumin Baby, EEEEEaaaahh, EEyyyyeEAAH, Yeeeaaah"

The Instrumental Orgasm "Oooonnnh, ooOOONNNNh,
eeeEEEeAAAAaoOOOhh"

The Goffel Orgasm "O Shit O f**k O Shiiitt O Fuuuck Ooooh Shiiiittt?."

The Shona Tongue Orgasm " O Maiwe, Maiwe, Maiwe, Maiwe,
Maiweeeee?"
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/06/05 10:24 PM

A man was leaving church one day. The Pastor was standing at the door
(as he always is) to shake hands with members of the congregation. He
grasped the man by the hand and pulled him aside. The Pastor said to him,
'You need to join the Army of the Lord!'

The man replied, 'I'm already in the Army of the Lord, Pastor.'

Pastor questioned, 'How come I don't see you except at Christmas and
Easter?'

He whispered back, 'Shhhhhhhhh. I'm in the secret service.'
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/07/05 11:59 AM

Abangazi isi Kalanga lingixolile. Abasaziyo enjoy!

Ujaha wayesebuyela ewenela after visiting emaphaneni over Xmas break. Intokazi yakhe is throwing in amazwi okuvalelisana, iyalayezela ngewindi ibhasi seliduma.

" Undibhatile bhulugwa lina doli mbeli kuti kana ndagala bheya banu bahawukele"

"Igale yakalinga paaaaasi"

"Igale yakajali"
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/07/05 12:16 PM

Wena Mabila,Wena.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/08/05 05:48 PM

There was a preacher whose wife was expecting a baby. So he went to the congregation and asked for a raise. After much consideration and discussion,they passed a rule that when the preacher's family expanded,so would his paycheck.After the preacher's 5th and 6th child, this started to get expensive so the congregation decided to hold a meeting again to discuss the preacher's pay.There was much yelling and bickering. Finally, the preacher got up and Spoke to the crowd. "Having children is an act of God!", he said.In the back of the room, a little old man stood up and in his frail voice and said, "Point of information - snow and rain are also acts of God but when we get too much of it, we wear protection!
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/12/05 09:19 AM

A prostitute was asked who the father of her baby was, and she replied, 'Ungadla indumba uyakwazi ukuthi yiphi ekusuzisileyo?'

**************************************************

Why do vegetarians keep quiet during sex? Because they don't want to admitthat a piece of meat is giving them pleasure!!

**************************************************

Once I catch you, I'll take you to bed, I'll make you hot,I'll make you sweat, I'll make you release fluids, you'll wish you never had me.
Yours sincerely
The F*cking Flu

**************************************************

It has been determined that the sexual position most used by married couples is doggy style.The husband sits and begs... while the wife rolls over and plays dead!!
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/12/05 06:18 PM

The teacher at the toddlers' school wanted to find out if the kids knew where different tribes of South Africa are found. She asked the kids as follows:
Q 1: AmaXhosa atholakala kuphi?
Ans 1: "E Palament", the kid answered.
Q 2: AmaShangane atholakala kuphi?
Ans 2: E Giyane the infant answered.

Q 4 : AmaPedi atholakala kuphi?
Ans 4: "E Moriya", the kid with glasses shouted.
Q 3: AmaZulu atholakala kuphi?
Ans 3: After a bit of silence, the other kid shouted "Erenkini".
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 06:41 AM

Kwakulikefu lekhisimusi lapho abadlali benguqu babeku off season kwazise kanti laboMtshifana labo bebebuyile ekhaya lapha.Lani liyazi eMakhokhoba laphana ku11 street kulenkundla yenguqu ,abadlali abanengi nje labo bathi ngcono bekebelule amathambo bedlale umbejwa,loMtshifana laye wabangumuntu ozaphatheka kulomdlalo ake akhiphe inyongo yeKhasili
Waqala ke umdlalo uyatshibilika uMtshifana luthuli,nanko ke loPeter Ndlovu laye uyadlala.
Walibamba uPeter beqondene loMtshifana,bamsikiza umtshifana wadayeka wayale,uthe etshibilika bamuthi mga,uthe uyajika njalo bamreyitsha umtshifana wayakuwa le,uthe evuka lapho esedwadlile wabhavuka umtshifana"zwana lapha mfethu mara ungazongijwayela, ma ulithatha lithathe ma uliyeka uliyeke, hayi ukube ulokhe ungijikisa kanje mani"
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 06:31 PM

A doctor examined a woman, took the husband aside, and said, "I don't like
the looks of your wife."

"Me neither doc," said the husband. "But she's a great cook and really good
with the kids.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 06:38 PM

<img border="0" alt="[naughty]" title="" src="graemlins/naughty.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 06:39 PM

A married couple in their early 60s were out celebrating their 35th
wedding anniversary in a quiet, romantic little restaurant.

Suddenly, a tiny yet beautiful fairy appeared on their table and said,
"For being such an exemplary married couple and for being faithful to
each other for all this time, I will grant you each a wish. "

Ooh, I want to travel around the world with my darling husband" said
the wife.

The fairy moved her magic wand and - abracadabra -Two tickets for the
new QM2 luxury liner appeared in her hands.

Now it was the husband's turn. He thought for a moment and said: "Well
this is all very romantic, but an opportunity like this only occurs once
in a lifetime. So I'm sorry my love, but my wish is to have a wife who
is 30 years younger than me".

The wife and the fairy were deeply disappointed, but a wish is a wish...
So the fairy made a circle with her magic stick and - abracadabra! - The
husband became 92 years old.

The moral of this story..... Men might be ungrateful idiots.... But
fairies are......female.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 06:54 PM

A little boy went up to his father and asked: "Dad, where did all of my
intelligence come from?"

The father replied. "Well son, you must have got it from your mother,
because I still have mine."
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 08:16 PM

SOME MEN NEVER LISTEN..........

Ha,ha,ha...
On a flight to Chicago, a gentleman had made several attempts to
get into the men's restroom, but it had always been occupied. The flight
attendant noticed his predicament.

"Sir, she said,"You may use the ladies room if you promise not to touch
any of the buttons on the wall."
He did what he needed to, and as he sat there he noticed the buttons
the had promised not to touch. Each button was identified by letters:
WW,WA,PP and a red one labeled ATR.

Who would know if he touched them? He couldn't resist. He pushed WW.
Warm water was sprayed gently upon his bottom. What a nice feeling, he
thought. Men's restrooms don't have nice things like this. Anticipating
greater pleasure, he pushed the WA button. Warm air replaced the warm
water, gently drying his underside. When this stopped, he pushed the PP
button. A large powder puff caressed his bottom adding a fragile scent of
spring flowers to this unbelievable pleasure. The ladies restroom was
more than a restroom, it is tender loving pleasure. When the powder puff
completed its pleasure, he couldn't wait to push the ATR button which he
knew would be supreme ecstasy.

Next thing he knew he was in a hospital. He opened his eyes to see a
nurse, looking down at him with a smirk on her face. "What happened?!"
he exclaimed. "You pushed one too many buttons," replied the nurse.

"The last button marked ATR was an Automatic Tampon Remover.

Your penis is under your pillow."
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 08:19 PM

Before you leave!

A wife arrived home after a long shopping trip and was horrified to find her husband in bed with a young lovely thing! Just as she was about to storm out of the house, her husband stopped her with these words "Before you leave, I want you to hear how this came about. Driving home I saw this young girl lookin poor and tired and I offered her a ride. She was hungry so i brougt her home and fed her some of the roast you had forgotten about in the freezer. Her shoes were worn out so I gave her a pair of your shoes that you did'nt wear because they were out of style. She was cold, so I gave her that new birthday sweater you never wore even once because the colour did'nt suit you. Her slacks were worn out so I gave her a pair of yours that you don't fit into anymore. Then as she was about to leave the house, she paused and asked, 'Is there anything else your wife does not use anymore?' And so here we are!"
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 08:34 PM

The perfect couple

Once upon a time a perfect woman and a perfect man met. After a perfect courtship, they had a perfect wedding. Their life together was, of course, perfect. One snowy, stormy Christmas eve, this perfect couple was driving their perfect car along a winding road, when they noticed someone on the side of the road in distress. Being the perfect couple, they stopped to help. There stood Santa Claus with a big bundle of toys. Not wanting to disappoint the childern on the eve of Christmas, the perfect couple loaded Santa and his toys into their vehicle. Soon they were driving along delivering the toys. Unfortunately the driving conditions deteriorated and the perfect couple and Santa Claus had an accident. Only one of them survived the accident.
Question: Who was the survivor?

Answer: The perfect woman survived. She is the only one who really existed in the first place. Everyone knows there is no Santa Claus and there is no such thing as a perfect man.

Women can stop reading here, this is the end of the joke.

Men, keep reading.

So if there is no perfect man and no Santa Claus, the woman must have been driving. This explains why there was a car accident.

Oh and by the way, if you are a woman and you are still reading, this illustrates another point; Women never listen!!!
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/05 10:10 PM

Majamela,lapha uvalisile mntakamama.
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/14/05 09:26 AM

A couple was arranging for their wedding and asked the baker to inscribe their wedding cake with 1 John 4:18, which reads," There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear"

The baker evidently lost the scripture preference, but working from memory, he beautifully inscribed on the cake John 4:18.

Imagine the shock on the few faithful who looked up the reference to read:

"For you have had five husbands nad the man you have now is not your husband." said Jesus to the woman of Samaria.
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/14/05 09:38 AM

The best Dear John letter ever

A young girl on a year's training course in South Africa recently received a "Dear John" letter from her boyfriend back home. It read as follows:

Dear Mary, I can no longer continue our relationship. The distance between us is just too great.I must admit that I have cheated on you twice since you've gone and its not fair to either of us. I'm sorry. Please return the picture of me that I sent you.

Love John

Mary, with hurt feelings asked her collegues for any snapshots they could spare of their boyfriends, brothers, ex boyfriends, uncles, cousins, etc. In addition to the picture of John, Mary included all the other pictures of the pretty lads she had collected from her buddies. There were 57 photos in the envelope along with this note:

Dear John,
I'm so sorry, but I can't remember who the f*ck you are. Please take your picture from the pile and send the rest back to me.
Take care,
Mary
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/14/05 10:16 PM

In a bid to try and BEAUTIFY Professional Titles do not be surprised to see:-

Garden Boy - Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist;
House Maid - Family Environs Upkeep Manager
Receptionist - Front Office Manager;
Typist - Printed Document Handler
Messenger - Business Communications Conveyer
Window Cleaner - A Transparent Wall Technician
Temporary Teacher- Associate Tutor
Tea Boy - Refreshments Overseer <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Garbage Collector - Public Sanitation Technicians
Watchman - Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth
Distribution Prevention Officer
Prostitute - Practical Sexual Relations Demonstrator
Thief - Wealth Distribution Officer <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Driver - Automobile Propulsion Specialist
Receptionist - Office Access Control Specialist
Maid - Domestic Operations Specialist
Employee without portfolio - Administration Manager
Cook - Food Preparation Officer
Office Orderly - Office Administration Facilitator
Cleaner - Office Hygiene Control Specialist
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/14/05 12:21 PM

Two brothers visit a nyanga after the third successive death of a member of the family inside two months. The nyanga says "Uzimu lukhona bazukulu, kodwa ke imbumbu, iiimbuuumbu bazukulu iimbumuumbu yiyo esiliqedile, Liyandisa imbumbu, zibambeni embumjini.
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 06:44 AM

INDODA:Dokotela ngiyagula,umkhuhlane wami ngowokukhohlwa,okokuthi singakhuluma into ngihle ngikhohlwe khonapho nje.
UDOKOTELA:Kukuqalise nini baba?
INDODA:Okuyini?
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 08:19 AM

Chinoz (after donating Z$1 000 000 000 to the tsunami fund) - in her lovely coloured accent said:
"I'd like to donate this money and say thank you to those who organised
the Tsunami"
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 09:10 AM

> > > As Mfundisi approached some trees on his way to church on a Sunday
> > morning, he heard a small voice singing church hymns from the trees.
> > >
> > > The voice was very beautiful, and it sang the church hymns almost
> > perfectly.
> > >
> > > Mfundisi looked up the trees to see a small girl perched up a tree on
a
> > branch. "Come down, little one", said Mfundisi. The little girl slowly
> > climbed down and stood before Mfundisi. "Where do you live?",
> > >
> > > Mfundisi asked. The little girl pointed towards the mountains to
> indicate
> > where she lived. Mfundisi reached into his jacket pocket and took out a
> > >
> > > wallet. He then took out a R20 note and gave it to the little girl.
> > > "Now run over to your mother and give her this money. Tell her to buy
> you
> > some panties". The little girl took the money and ran home. When she
> > arrived home she gave her mother the money and explained how she
> > >
> > > Got it. Now the mother was thinking, 'if Mfundisi paid R20 for just
what
> > he saw on a little girl, how much more will he pay ME?'
> > >
> > > The next Sunday, as Mfundisi approached the same trees, he heard an
> adult
> > voice singing beautiful church hymns. The voice sang extremely
> > >
> > > beautifully. Mfundisi himself could not sing some of the hymns he
heard.
> > > He looked up and saw a middle aged woman perched up a tree. "Please
> come
> > down ma'm",Mfundisi said. The woman climbed down slowly and knelt before
> > Mfundisi, who reached into his jacket pocket and took out a
> > >
> > > wallet. The woman's heart was beating faster now. Mfundisi took out
> some
> > money and handed it to the woman, saying to her, "Now take these 20
cents
> > and go buy yourself a razor blade!"
>
>
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 09:40 AM

SIP OF VODKA!

A new priest at his first mass was so nervous, he could hardly speak. After mass he asked the monsignor how he had done. The monsignor replied," When I am worried about getting nervous on the pulpit, I put a glass of vodka next to the water glass. If I start to get nervous I take a sip."

So next Sunday he took the monsignor's advice. At the beginning of the sermon he got nervous and took a drink. He proceeded to talk up a storm. Upon his return to his office after mass, he found the following note on the door:

1) Sip the vodka, don't gulp.

2)There are 10 commandments not 12.

3)There are 12 disciples not 10.

4)Jesus was consecrated not constipated.

5)Jacob wagered his donkey, he did not bet his ass

6)We donot refer to Jesus as the late JC.

7)The Father, Son and Holy Ghost are not refered to as Daddy, Junior and the Spook.

8)David slew Goliath, he did not kick the sh*t out of him.

9)When David was hit by a rock and was knocked off his donkey, don't say he was stoned off his ass.

10)We donot refer to the cross as the 'BIG T'.

11)When Jesus broke the bread at Last Supper, he said, " take this and eat for it is my body" He did not say 'Eat me'.

12)The Virgin Mary is not called Mary with the Cherry.

13)The recommended grace before a meal is not 'Rub-A-Dub-Dub, thanks for the grub, Yeah God

14)Next week there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST Peter's not a peter pulling contest at ST Taffy's.
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 10:08 PM

Madinda goes to Oxford FC for some trials.At the morning training session some guys look at him, srutinizingly.He was the shortest player at the stadium. Madinda asks one player:
"You look me small,you think i'm a children? I'm growing"
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/17/05 10:29 PM

In 1982 Dynamos FC went to play Lupopo FC of Congo in the second leg in Kinshasa <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> .As the captain Moses Chunga had to introduce his players to officials."Ehh,this was July Sharara,ehh,this was Oliver Kateya,ehh,this Sunday Marimo,ehh this was Kuda Muchemeyi,ehh,this was my brither Kembo Chunga,ehh,and I was the captain Moses Chunga.
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/18/05 02:59 PM

Only E Bhayi

Kuthiwa ngabase Bhayi ke abanjalo khanizivele nani bayothusa maan
Only eBhayi

Xolile's nephew passed away, on the funeral day, he makes the following
speech:

Mawethu, size apha namhlanje ukuzongcwaba umtshana'm, uCharles.

On Monday,I got a call on my Nokia, le ene camera, niyazibona mos, jah,
bandixelela ukuthi, noh, umtshana ufumene i accident. Xa ndijonga i
Rolex yam, ndafumanisa ukuthi man! - its still early, about 6H00. Then I
called my wife, ebehambe ngeCompressor eye e monti the previous day,
luckily she had already arrived,so she booked a plane back. Then
sathatha i Jaguar, ukuyobona ukuthi kwenzeke ntoni. Xa sifika,
safumanisa ukuthi noh, iJeep i wile.

And so started the funeral arrangements.

Sisokole ukufumana icoffin, I made a lot of calls, but to no avail.
Besifuna i coffin ya at least R150 000.

I was about to give up, saying I'll just postpone the funeral, then I
got a call from Germany,

this guy said he's got a coffin for me for just R300 000, free delivery.
I was so relieved.

Anyway, sizokwenza so, those of you abangena transport, ii-Eveco zam ezi
eleven zi available.

Xa sibuya emangcwabeni, kukhona i set up yee tables, just allocate
yourselves. Nizakufumana ii-menu, eat and drink as much as you like.

And xa nihamba good people, those of you that came from Mafikeng,you'll
see just xa ningena kwi highway, kukhona ii- filling stations ezi about
four, nigcwalise your tanks there.

Nina abavela eDurban, you'll see xa ningena ku N3, kukhona i Shell
garage, do likewise.

Those of you abangena transport, ii-Eveco zam zizakunigodusa.

I shall thank you
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/18/05 06:32 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 09:49 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Bhudaza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 10:28 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 11:25 AM

An arab man wayengena emelika egqoke amalembu ano lawana athendela lobuso kungakhani kumbe uyindoda kumbe ngumfazi, below is a brief interview yakhe lo immigrations officer

Immigration oficer: NAME
Arab man: Abdula Aziz
Immigration office: Sex
Arab man: 14 times a day
Immigration officer: I mean male or female
Araba man: with both and sometimes with camel too.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 12:00 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 12:24 PM

iNdebele belifikile ekhaya ngempelaviki lizobona abantwana.Sunday ek'seni selilungela ukuhamba umama uthi,"kodwa seka Sipho ang'kwaz'ukuthi uyindod'enjani.Izinto ezinengi mina ngizibonela kwabanye abafazi.Ezinye zize ziphume ku-fashion ngingazitholanga.Kwakule-georgette,yadlula ngingayithengelwanga,kwafika i-dark n lovely,layo
yadlula ngingayizuzanga.Khathesi nje kule HIV, izadlula ungangiphanga.Plz akuzam'icebo njengendoda." <img border="0" alt="banghead" title="" src="graemlins/banghead.gif" />
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 12:36 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 12:55 PM

Helo Bos
I am Khethiwe Ntombizenzeni Khawula. I am being 37
of age old. I am apply riht here for a domestic workers post. I have joblessness now. For ten years I work for bass Jim Joubert. But he afraid
of crime now he goes to Australia over oceans.
He write letter for me and say Im being very nice
to him after all this ten years I work him at. I have this letter with me and will give it if I
am get the job. I do dishes, I do cooking, and
cleaning. But I not cook prawns baas Jim says something about bad taste.
I have secrets that when baas feels alone when
madam away I take down the zip and lick the thing. Baas pays me R200 when something white comes out.
But when white thing doesn't come of penis and the
madam disturbs it is R50. I always pray the white thing come out. I not eat it. I run away with
my face when baas saya: "I am coming I am coming
Kate." And I wipe with Twinsavers. Baas says me shut up cause madam will divorce about this. I
not like do it but my Themba is schooling and
school fees never cheap.
Themba has blue eyes like baas Jim. Themba is 8
year old.
Before Themba came, baas Jim make me do Aids test.
Nurse tells I be negative now baas Jim doesn't dress condom on penis when he feels alone in
my bedroom when madam is away. Baas Jim is soft
but he is small penis. He says all white man small in the penis.
But that is no reason I write baas Jim says this crime thing chase him away and he not understand Mbeki (the big president) and Mugabe. I need
this job cause Themba must be the doctor one days
in future to come when I am old.
I am slim and pretty. I run around house. I am not
lazy et all. I can work everyday of the week but not Saturday cause I pray Shembe. I also not eat
hot food on Saturday, but I cook it and store it in the fridge, and defrosting it later.
I am dedicated to my job. I can work for two families in one time. I also was work for Du Plessis family when I work for baas Jim. Baas Jim is kind, and I pray to get baas like him.
My number phone is (031) 702 1234. But you can
fone the Alcatel if the battery is full on 0781772354 only MTN cause I buy MTN airtime. I speak good Zulu. I read and right English to. I am happy if you say "Khethiwe yes, we have job for you". Thanks God. You can fone baas Jim befor he goes airport over oceans if you want to know how I am with work. He is get him at (031) 726 1900.
It is me
Name: Khethiwe Ntombizenzeni Khawula
Age: 37
I am born: Newcastle
Childrens: One Themba
Expirience: 10 years.
Education: Std 9 but can do Matric by night if you like it.
Religion: Shembe Church
Political Party: I not vote says Jim they steal
money and give Mugabe and buy Mercedes
Aids: I have not now
Goodbye
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/05 03:24 PM

mninimuzi uyarockaaaaaaaa straight

i rate u xxx <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 06:19 AM

Mninimuzi ndoda nguwe ozabhadala uDoctor ukwelaphisa imbambo zami bro,i tell u so <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 08:35 AM

Mina lu dade ngingambhadalela e night school bantu. Ungizwise ubuhlungu qotho!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 11:14 AM

OLD SCHOOL BLACK MOTHERS

There used to be a time when black children were the best behaved
children in the world, now look at them - 'Time out' my foot!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs or the back of the
house, or from the front of the house to get the remote, change the
channel, or fix her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the
nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and she sent
you back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair
brush?

6. Have you ever been told to "Shut Up or I'll give you something to cry
about while she beats you with a belt - pronouncing every
syllable---"Did-n't---I---tell----you---not---to-do---!---That---no---mo
re?!"

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, you got those little bumps
around your scalp. (lol)

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.)
were afraid of her.

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card.

10. Cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom
cabinet.

11. You were never "on punishment" - just got whoopins right out of the
shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Jr. Usher
Board, Easter play, Christmas play, etc.)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair
rollers and her gown or panamas on under her coat? (dats jus ghetto)

15. When you ask her for something, her response is . . . "Do you think
I'm made o' money?"

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did
just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it.

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or
sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing
his work?

19. Friends, family and friends of the family try to keep you out of
trouble
because they know your mother and how she is.

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline.

21. She has to talk to God..."Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!"
before she gives you a whipping.

If you can relate to any of these things, then pass this on to all your
friends and see if they can relate to "KNOWING THAT THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL


BLACK MOTHER,

WHO DIDN'T TAKE NO MESS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!"

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOTHERS AND GRANDMOTHERS!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 11:14 AM

OLD SCHOOL BLACK MOTHERS

There used to be a time when black children were the best behaved
children in the world, now look at them - 'Time out' my foot!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs or the back of the
house, or from the front of the house to get the remote, change the
channel, or fix her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the
nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and she sent
you back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair
brush?

6. Have you ever been told to "Shut Up or I'll give you something to cry
about while she beats you with a belt - pronouncing every
syllable---"Did-n't---I---tell----you---not---to-do---!---That---no---mo
re?!"

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, you got those little bumps
around your scalp. (lol)

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.)
were afraid of her.

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card.

10. Cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom
cabinet.

11. You were never "on punishment" - just got whoopins right out of the
shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Jr. Usher
Board, Easter play, Christmas play, etc.)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair
rollers and her gown or panamas on under her coat? (dats jus ghetto)

15. When you ask her for something, her response is . . . "Do you think
I'm made o' money?"

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did
just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it.

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or
sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing
his work?

19. Friends, family and friends of the family try to keep you out of
trouble
because they know your mother and how she is.

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline.

21. She has to talk to God..."Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!"
before she gives you a whipping.

If you can relate to any of these things, then pass this on to all your
friends and see if they can relate to "KNOWING THAT THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL


BLACK MOTHER,

WHO DIDN'T TAKE NO MESS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!"

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOTHERS AND GRANDMOTHERS!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 11:14 AM

OLD SCHOOL BLACK MOTHERS

There used to be a time when black children were the best behaved
children in the world, now look at them - 'Time out' my foot!

1. Have you ever been called downstairs from upstairs or the back of the
house, or from the front of the house to get the remote, change the
channel, or fix her a glass of ice water?

2. Have you ever been hit with an extension cord, a switch, or the
nearest shoe?

3. Have you ever had to pick your own switch off the tree and she sent
you back because the one you picked was too little?

4. Have you ever been burned on your ear with a straightening comb?

5. Have you ever been hit in the head or knuckles with a comb or hair
brush?

6. Have you ever been told to "Shut Up or I'll give you something to cry
about while she beats you with a belt - pronouncing every
syllable---"Did-n't---I---tell----you---not---to-do---!---That---no---mo
re?!"

7. Your ponytails or plaits were so tight, you got those little bumps
around your scalp. (lol)

8. The white people in the school office (principal, secretary, etc.)
were afraid of her.

9. You were scared to go home when you had a bad report card.

10. Cocoa butter, and Vaseline were the main items in the bathroom
cabinet.

11. You were never "on punishment" - just got whoopins right out of the
shower.

12. Have you ever been pinched for going to sleep in church?

13. She made you participate in every church activity (choir, Jr. Usher
Board, Easter play, Christmas play, etc.)

14. Has she ever come inside and picked you up from school dance in hair
rollers and her gown or panamas on under her coat? (dats jus ghetto)

15. When you ask her for something, her response is . . . "Do you think
I'm made o' money?"

16. Have you ever been beaten for something your brother or sister did
just because you were around?

17. She vacuums everyday just so the carpet can have lines in it.

18. Have you ever been told to turn off the TV, get off the phone, or
sit down and be quiet when it's storming outside because the Lord was doing
his work?

19. Friends, family and friends of the family try to keep you out of
trouble
because they know your mother and how she is.

20. You were afraid to call the child abuse hotline.

21. She has to talk to God..."Lord, please don't let me hurt this child!"
before she gives you a whipping.

If you can relate to any of these things, then pass this on to all your
friends and see if they can relate to "KNOWING THAT THEY HAD A BEAUTIFUL


BLACK MOTHER,

WHO DIDN'T TAKE NO MESS WHEN THEY WERE GROWING UP!"

GOD BLESS OUR BEAUTIFUL BLACK MOTHERS AND GRANDMOTHERS!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 11:16 AM

A skinny little white guy goes into an elevator,
> >>> looks up and sees this
> >>> > HUGE black guy standing next to him.
> >>> >
> >>> > The big guy sees the little guy staring at him,
> >>> looks down and says: "7
> >>> > feet tall, 350 pounds, 20 inch private, 3 pound
> >>> left testicle, 3 pound
> >>> > right testicle, Turner Brown."
> >>> >
> >>> > The white man faints and falls to the floor. The
> >>> big guy kneels down and
> >>> > brings him to, shaking him. The big guy says,
> >>> "What's wrong with you?"
> >>> >
> >>> > In a weak voice the little guy says, "What EXACTLY
> >>> did you say to me?"
> >>> >
> >>> > The big dude says, "I saw your curious look and
> >>> figured I'd just give you
> >>> > the answers to the questions everyone always asks
> >>> me. I'm 7 feet tall, I
> >>> > weigh 350 pounds, I have a 20 inch private, my
> >>> left testicle weighs 3
> >>> > pounds, my right testicle weighs 3 pounds, and my
> >>> name is Turner Brown."
> >>> >
> >>> > The small guy says, "Turner Brown?!...Sweet Jesus,
> >>> I thought you said,
> >>> > "Turn around"!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 11:19 AM

The Perfect Husband=20


Several men are in the locker room of a golf club. A cell phone on a
bench rings and a man engages the hands-free speaker function and begins
to talk.=20

Everyone else in the room stops to listen.=20

MAN: "Hello"=20

WOMAN: "Honey, it's me. Are you at the club?"=20

MAN: "Yes."=20

WOMAN: "I am at the mall now and found this beautiful leather coat. It's
only R1 000. Is it OK if I buy it?"=20

MAN: "Sure ... go ahead if you like it that much."=20

WOMAN: "I also stopped by the Mercedes dealership and saw the new 2004
models. I saw one I really liked."=20

MAN: "How much?"=20

WOMAN: "R260 000"=20

MAN: "OK, but for that price I want it with all the options."=20

WOMAN: "Great! Oh, and one more thing.... the house we wanted last year
is back on the market. They're asking R950 000."=20

MAN: "Well, then go ahead and give them an offer, but just offer R900
000."=20

WOMAN: "OK. I'll see you later. I love you!"=20

MAN: "Bye, I love you, too."=20

The man hangs up. The other men in the locker room are looking at him in
astonishment.=20

Then he asks: "Anyone know whose phone this is?"=20
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/20/05 01:12 PM

Dont kill me Bunandi. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: THANDINDABA

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/22/05 07:49 PM

A man goes home after a long stint away working. he finds his wife with a terrible black eye. he asks who hit her and she says the "The Lodger's dunnit" With great great fury he rushes to the lodgers room to ask him why. "Because the little slut has been cheating on both of us mate not only with the milkman but with the postman, the rubbish man and the window cleaner as well". says the lodger with great confidence.
Posted by: Ndabezitha

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/22/05 09:35 PM

A letter by Vilakazi to Steve

Hola Steve my frend I am raiting this leta to yu becoz my hart is
peinful yu see.

Yo my friend yu see I go to visit my atha frend who are not my frend
frend, I see this girl and she is butiful.
tomoro I go again to visit and she was one and my frend go to town. We
sit and wash TV and is boring, she start wering scebezana

She lok the dor and we do it, now she want me to divos my wife. I say no!
she go to police stahion and open a case for rape but I'm saprize coz we
agreeded. Naw this girl she is pregnent yo my frend my wife want to
divose me becos the paypers, the news and radios are toking abaut us.

Bat I tell her that she khant divose me coz she is joling with Dingani
becos she get exident with his car when he boro her naw I am paying the
dameige for him.. yu see my frend dont chit for yo man and she must not
chit for you too , then yu wil live hapi.

Babai my frend I wil see yu in awa next game.

Yors Tso
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/28/05 06:33 PM

To get the full effect, this should be read aloud. You will understand what 'tenjewberrymuds' means by the end of the conversation.
This has been nominated for the best email of 2005.

The following is a telephone exchange between a hotel guest and room-service, at a hotel in Asia, which was recorded and published in the Far East Economic Review:


Room Service (RS): "Morrin. Roon sirbees."

Guest (G): "Sorry, I thought I dialed room-service."

RS: "Rye..Roon sirbees..morrin! Jewish to oddor sunteen??"

G: "Uh..yes..I'd like some bacon and eggs."

RS: "Ow July den?"

G: "What??"

RS: "Ow July den?...pryed, boyud, poochd?"

G : "Oh, the eggs! How do I like them?

Sorry, scrambled please."

RS: "Ow July dee baykem? Crease?"

G: "Crisp will be fine."

RS : "Hokay. An Sahn toes?"

G: "What?"

RS:"An toes. July Sahn toes?"

G: "I don't think so."

RS: "No? Judo wan sahn toes??"

G: "I feel really bad about this, but I don't know what 'judo wan sahn

toes' means."

RS: "Toes! toes!...Why jew don juan toes? Ow bow Anglish moppin we

bodder?"

G: "English muffin!! I've got it! You were saying 'Toast.' Fine.Yes, an English muffin will be fine."

RS: "We bodder?"

G: "No...just put the bodder on the side."

RS: "Wad?"

G: "I mean butter...just put it on the side."

RS: "Copy?"

G: "Excuse me?"

RS: "Copy...tea...meel?"

G: "Yes. Coffee, please, and that's all."

RS: "One Minnie. Scramah egg, crease baykem, Anglish moppin we bodder

on sigh and copy....rye??"

G: "Whatever you say."

RS: "Tenjewberrymuds."

G : "You're very welcome."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/28/05 06:36 PM

A young wife, who was becoming frustrated with her
young husbands constant demands for sex, decides to
make a schedule for him, to cut down on the amount of
times that they will have to make love for the
rest of their marriage.

While getting ready for work, she writes on a piece of
paper, "Honey,you know I love you, but your never
ending requests for sex are leaving me drained and
really tired. So I propose that we only have sex on
days that start with the letter 'T', to minimise the
frequency of our lovemaking sessions. Don't be mad at
me honey, just understand where I am coming from, and
let me know if my request is too demanding of you."

On her way out the door, she uses a refrigerator
magnet and sticks the note to the fridge door,hoping
that her sex craved husband will be understanding and
accepting of her proposal when he reads it.

Upon returning home, she glances at the refrigerator
and notices that her note has been replaced with a
note from her husband that reads,"Baby, I didn't'
realise that I was putting you under so much pressure
and I'm sorry.I accept your proposal and have even
taken the extra step of listing at the bottom of this
letter, those days starting with the letter 'T' to
make sure that we are on the same page.

1. TUESDAY
2. THURSDAY
3. TODAY
4. TOMORROW

P.S. I love you too, and remember it's still TODAY, I
am waiting for you upstairs."
Posted by: malimaza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/31/05 08:36 AM

Monday, October 31, 2005






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OPINION



The good and the bad of emalokitshini
Here and there with William Phiri
We grew up at a time when every lokitshi (township) had its own colourful character.

There were bad guys. The were good guys. The brainy ones. The overprotective ones. The sporty ones. You name them, they were all there.

Ask anyone who grew up eNumber One, they will tell you about the late Vikita Moonsamy. What a talented sports-all-rounder that he was! In Tshabalala there is one Batshatsha. At Magwegwe there was uKing, Wisdom lo Twinkie. Matshobane had uEsso. Esphakeni, uMabhawudo. Number Six had oFive, oGara, oWalter. There was oChreezo, oZu, oWashy and Rams at Mzet (Mzilikazi).

Some of them were the Robin Hoods of ema eriyeni (neighbourhood). Before setting foot in a new neighbourhood, you had to know the names of the influential boys in that neighbourhood. The mere mention of their names always saved one from a thorough beating or torture. Alternatively you had to have a tough big brother or sister or neighbour. I know of omayisi who would beat the daylights out of boys who harassed their young brothers. The situation was not peculiar to Bulawayo?s makolishini. Interestingly, even the music diva, Diana Rose, had to fight it out with the bullies in her USA neighburhood to protect her young siblings.

Then there were gangs too. At Matshobane there was a notorious gang, Black Power that struck terror to every outsider who decided to go eDengwa (movies) or emara (dumpsite).

The good thing then, was there was also a chance of the same gang coming to your neighbourhood either to watch or play soccer, to swim or to attend the popular teen beat gigs. These discos often played SuperSixty Supersonic stereos (there is still the argument of which was the best among the SuperSixty, SuperEighty or SuperHundred) at the poorly ventilated community halls or youth club halls.

Later Ambrose Mutungwazi and a Murefu (of Space Age Disco) from Tshabalala introduced disco machines that had dazzling lights to go with them.

Going to the teen beat gigs was not a problem. The problem was after the gigs. You would find the boys from the neighbourhood grouped outside and armed to the teeth ? bicycle chains, none-chaks (that came with the Bruce Lee?s Kung Fu craze).

The targets were mostly ?strangers? who had attracted omayisi from e eriyeni. They had to be dealt with. It did not matter whether she did not have a boyfriend in the neighbourhood. Girls from e eriyeni belonged to the boys from the neighbourdhood. Period.

The other targets were the smartly dressed groovers. Unfortunately most of the smartly dressed teenagers had a habit of borrowing from their big brother?s or father?s wardrobe without their permission. Belly-bottomed trousers, skin tight shirts (with a rubber band at the back), Hoopers shoes or Sparx tackies or those high-heeled shoes that we used to refer to as dzika titaure, buruka mu mangoe or gidi shasha or ogumu were the craze back then.

During the fights, most of izaguru was concentrated on the stylish outfits. When clothes got torn during izaguru, sneeking into home and returning the clothes unnoticed was another headache ? what with the tiny or one-roomed rented houses emalokishini! If the clothes were big brother?s Sunday Best, then another hiding would surely follow the next morning when he wanted to dress up for church or go and meet omankri (girlfriends).

The more daring youngsters even ?borrowed? their brothers military regalia. Back then, wearing a green army shirt loosely was fashionable. Tucking in the jean trousers into the high-heeled shoes on one side and leaving the other hanging loosely completed the attire. That was before the tight-fitting stretcher ?Bang-Bang? jeans came on the scene. A beret worn at a jaunty angle completed the attire.

Omayisi, also had their own attire. Wigs (at times with plates hidden underneath to give it more shape), belly-bottomed trousers, colourful jumpsuits and dungarees. That was before drop-waist dresses hit the scene.

Before and during the teen beat gigs there was a lot of merry-making. Litres of amasese were shared. The mischievous ones even sniffed glue, thinners or methylated spirits ? with terrible effects. Clobbers were popularly with glue-sniffing teenagers.

Not everyone touched some illegal stuff to get high. Some teenagers just loved partying in their sober state.

For your feedback, ngiyabonga, zikomo, ndinotenda, natotela mukwai, tobonga, twalumba, thank you.

Mbonisi, BMPT thanks for the SMS on izaguru, Tee One from Zvishavane, Diva (Magwegwe), Nduku (Harare) thank you for the SMS. I also received phone calls from a Mrs Chakwizira who reminisced about a white policeman uKhutsi (Coetzee) eLokayo and Njabulo Phiri (UK) who enquired on Master Ndoe.

Anyone who knows where Master Ndoe is?

About reviving Inyekevu Marimba Band, those interested can get in touch with one of the former members, Joseph Zuze Magagula at Chronicle Offices. JZ actually composed a mini LP called Magica Marimba Music.

?Your articles bring up memories from those good olden days. Please let us communicate. Remember the days when we used to play igiri? And do you remember these characters from Magwegwe, the likes of Geresoni (Twinkie), Cheetar (Yona), Gallon, Kororombe etc. ? Thabani Sibanda?.

I was with some of these chaps recently koGreen Shopping Centre.

?Do you remember the gangs in the 70s? There was Mafia in the South of Mzilikazi, the RedStar in the North, etc. In the Lokayi (Old Location), we had the Black September and at Matshobane we had the Black Domboro. I can't remember the gangs in other townships but having grown up in Mzet, I remember specifically the fights for the swimming pool and the girls from B/F (who were supposed to be very nice and beautiful). A particular fight was arranged behind B/F Stadium where I remember the how the guys went to 'war'. They had rocks, knobkerries, knives, dogs and the fight was especially vicious. Us cowards watched it from the safety of the 'Umtashayazafe' stand at B/F Stadium. The next day, the police had a wonderful time going to the local primary schools and I remember distinctly some pupils being called out to the headmaster's office at assembly. They were arrested and some were threatened with expulsion from school. Those were the days. Regards ? Tomas Albert.?

?Yebo jahelidala. What a lovely piece of work, gaya tshomi, I really go down memory lane each time I hook onto your ezemalokitshini. Usamkhumbula uDouglas uZandlezibomvu? Where is he today? Sadlala labo ibhaca elitshisayo eBig Bhawa labo King Veriyo labo Dougie Mawema labo Korinte. Usabakhumbula yini labo otshomi? Those were the good times of our lives koBulawayo. I really miss those days. Well, we are now in Nebraska, USA. We have heard the news about ukuswelakela kwamanzi okunatha. I wish we could send you folks tankers to drink. Keep on writing - yimi Nathan Hove (USA).?

?Does anyone remember iStar Force, iNkatha le Terror Ten ? amagangsters eNkust. Kwakutshitshwa ngalezonsuku. Okay, okusalayo yikuthi thumbs up Willie! Ungumakhwaza. ? 091942785.?

?During amalanga eziwiji ezibulalayo, bully comes dangling amafaji angu two. Everyone rushes to get a share. When all of us had eaten, the bully bluttered: ?Ha! Ngiwadobhile at the rubbish dumpsite. What could we do sesiginyile? I guess i-poison yayisiphelile and who could dare stand up against the bully. ? Msipa.?

?Abantu be Entumbane have got water shortages. Why can?t we get water from Enkwalini because idamu lakhona alicitshi? Food for thought. ? Shepps, Matshobana.?

Have you heard that girls from eMalokishini affected by the water shortages are now called ?o-Five Litre?? Amasalala and those with bucketfuls of water say the girls can only afford to bath with five litres of water a day. Bantu!

?U Rush wanikwa 3, uMaan sephiwe 5. UEnergy wahlohlwa 12 in two games, emazweni waxotshwa, kuNations Cup wanikwa eyinye 5. Asazi ke! ? 091903925.?

?Eish! Willy ungikhumbuza kudala ngisakhula enkomponi yeDete. Nge pay day yamatitsha sasisithi ukiti ufile; Roads, impunzi iwile; NRZ, indlovu iwile. Omunye wakufela engotsheni. ? 091855430.?

?I need your help please, I'm looking for my best friends from Mpopoma High School whom I last saw in 1996 - Portia, Shuwisai, Nesta and our maths teacher, Mr Chirwa. Can they leave their contact details on 091 975 056 because I will be home soon. - Alphonsina Pulu, (UK).?

?Is Madlezibabayo still alive? If so, tell us about his old stories. ? 091308033.?

Any reader who knows where Madlezibabayo is?

?Many people are taking Eagle Lager. I thought because it is cheaper but I overheard some old men saying it cures AIDS. How far true is it because it is only two weeks old? ? Polly Beitbridge.?

Polly, you should take what drinkers say with a fistful of salt. Teetotalers are no exception. Remember one time we had a drink called fungus that was rumoured to cure all kinds of illness and increase life expectancy. There was such a flurry of activity as families, scrambled to lay their hands on the stuff to add into their tea.

?Three types of wrong khabhizas: Sniffers ? those who can predict where free beer is; Poachers ? those who drink and quickly disappear when the mug is empty; VIP ? those who believe you should buy them beer when you see them. ? Johnso ka Salem.?

Now did you read the story about Ugandan women who were complaining of a potent local gin, which they claim, is behind a rash of impotence.

"They have even nicknamed their husbands 'edopesiepe' meaning the one who lies on one side'," said Francis Epetait, a Teso legislator. "The men are simply abandoning their wives and avoiding sex."

In response to the women's complaints, local councils in Teso have imposed new restrictions on drinking alcohol, notably allowing consumption only between 5 and 10pm.

I wonder whether the brew can compare to our very own kachasu, gagirikidi, ipik? iyeza that the connoisseurs only dilute with their faces.

I was hoping to get some feedback on Makokoba?s gang, Msomi. The gang is said to have coined the word ?18? for toilet. The story is, their meeting place was toilet number 18. Also, a group of boys is still called umsomi!

I received a letter from a Mr D B Mumba from Luveve on his days eLokayo (Makokoba). Next week, we focus on eLokayo. Your contributions please? We will also look at the long-promised book, Dignifying Death, by Professor Terence Ranger where he looks at life and how funerals were conducted at Old Location.

Enough for this week. Please get in touch: email phiriwills@yahoo.com, mobile 091340194, or write to ?Here And There, Chronicle Offices, Bulawayo.?


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Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/04/05 07:37 AM

MAJIDA
Uyazi ngilapha nje ngibhowakele kabi.Gayani izolo ngibe ngihlangana losisi lowana esasilaye eDale that day ,wabe engipha gaya,ngathi ngiyayifaka yala,ngayathe yala,ngaze ngakhalala mina.
Angazi kumbe ubengiphe iwrong PHONE NUMBER yini.
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/05/05 11:22 PM

**You may not know this but many non-living things have a gender.***

**1) Ziploc Bags are Male, because they hold everything in, but you can see right through them.**

**2) Copiers are Female, because once turned off; it takes a while to warm them up again. It's an effective reproductive device if the right buttons are pushed, but can wreak havoc if the wrong buttons are pushed.**

**3) A Tire is Male, because it goes bald and it's often over-inflated.**

**4) A Hot Air Balloon is Male, because, to get it to go anywhere, you have to light a fire under it, and of course, there's the hot air part.**

**5) Sponges are Female, because they're soft, squeezable and retain water.**

**6) A Web Page is Female, because it's always getting hit on.**

**7) A Subway is Male, because it uses the same old lines to pick people up.**

**8) An Hourglass is Female, because over time, the weight shifts to the bottom.**

**9) A Hammer is Male, because it hasn't changed much over the last 5,000 years, but it's handy to have around.**

**10) A Remote Control is Female. Ha! You thought it'd be male, didn't you? But consider this -- it gives a man pleasure, he'd be lost without it, and while he doesn't always know the right buttons to push, he keeps trying!**
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/05/05 02:42 PM

My Brother's CV. He is looking for a Job


DETAILS

Surname : Sgebengu

First Name : Conman

Identity Number : Varies (depends on the ID in use)

Gender : Male

Marital Status : Married under vat-en-sit conditions

Nationality : Could be negotiated

Home Language : Tsotsi-taal

Other Languages : Most of South African Languages

Address : Room 777
Corner knife and bullet street
Deathfontein

Contact Number : @##*****#

Own Transport : All cars without tracking system are mine

Hobbies : Pick-pocketing; Shoplifting Housebreaking



EDUCATION

Last School Attended : Modern School of Juveniles

Subjects : Smoking (HG) A
Beer-drinking (SG) C
Vernacular (HG) B
Introduction to Guns (HG) B
English (SG) F*
Criminal Methods (HG) A
Year : in the late 90's


TERTIARY EDUCATION

Name of Institution : Walala-wa-Sala Technical College

Field of Study : Criminology

Highest Level Passed : Master's Diploma

Year : 2000


SUBJECTS PASSED AT COLLEGE

Basic Maths
Traffic Analysis for Escape Routes
Theft Management
Hostage Taking
Denial of the Truth
Modern Art of Bribery
Advanced Escape Methods
Robbery Without Murder
Information Technology with Fraudulent Electronics
Advanced Financial Fraud
Disguise



EMPLOYMENT HISTORY

Name of Company : CrimeTech Fly-by-Nite College

Type of Work : HR Development

Job Title : Assistant Lecturer

Period : 15 Jan 01 to 23 Jan 01

Reason for Leaving : College had to close down before students
Became suspicious

Current Activity : Acting as a Corrupt Police Officer



ACHIEVEMENTS

1. Becoming one of South Africa's Top 40 of the most wanted unidentified criminals since 1997.
2. Being appointed as President of School Governing Body after stealing most of the school's laboratory apparatus.


REFERENCES

1. Name : Bra White
Occupation : Hitman
Contact Details : You don't find him, he finds you

2. Name : Papa Sputla
Occupation : Druglord
Contact Details : Same as Bra White
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/05/05 06:47 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: THANDINDABA

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/06/05 06:35 PM

MABILA
Mhambise kuleya induna yamaArabs ehlala ezweni lempumalanga engabizwa ngebizo kule iforum. Or better still muse khonangapho kuCIA. We do do not need the likes of him in the nation we want to build back home. Our experiences with that other lout at State House have been trumatic enough.
kanti vele wena uze uzalwe lomuntu onje wawukhangele ngaphi.
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/06/05 09:28 PM

mfazi uyaroka <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> shame
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/07/05 10:46 AM

Nanso indoda yeSitshabini isehla ebhasini evela khonale koZumba malamba fungwa erenkini laphana isiphathekile ufuna ukubrama ibe izithela etoilet yabomama,kwaba yisiphithiphithi omama beminyezelana emnyango nanko sebengenelwe yisigebengu.
Akuthathanga sikhathi amapholisa abe eseyibambile lendoda,bathe beyibuza ukuthi kade idingani esambuzini sabomama yathi yona ibonwe kubhalweOMAMA yacabanga ukuthi yikho lapho okubramelwa khona.
Phela ngesitshabi ukubrama bathi yikumama
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 05:13 AM

MAN is taking a walk in the park in Broadhurst, Gaborone.
Suddenly he sees a little girl being attacked by a pit bull dog. He runs
over and starts fighting with the dog. He succeeds in killing the dog and
saving the girl's life.
A policeman who was watching the scene walks over and says: "You are a
hero, tomorrow you can read it in all the newspapers: Brave Broadhurst
resident saves the life of little girl.
The man says: "But I am not a resident of Broadhurst!"
"Oh, then it will say in newspapers in the morning: Brave Motswana saves
life of little girl," the policeman answers.
"But I'm not a Motswana?" says the man.
"Oh, what are you then?"
The man says: "I am a Zimbabwean!"
The next day newspaper headlines screamed: Illegal Zimbabwean immigrant
kills innocent Botswana dog.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 05:27 AM

Announcement of New Zimbabwean Currency


On Thursday 21 October 2005 it was announced that Zimbabwe can expect a new currency at a date to be announced by the reserve bank.

Listed below is the suspected new currency formats:

The name Dollar is being scrapped due to its linkage with old colonial times.

The new currency name will be called the Dhura.

Currency denominations will be as follows :

1 Dhura = 10,000

Too Dhura = 20,000

Yena Dhura = 50,000

Dhura Sterek = 100,000

Yena Dhura Sterek = 500,000

Dhura Manengi = 1,000,000

Yena Dhura Manengi = 5,000,000

Dhura Manengi Sterek = 100,000,000

Yena Dhura Manengi Sterek = 500,000,000

Basopa Lo Dhura = 1,000,000,000

Anything above 1,000,000,000 = Myweh Zwakapressa

<<image001.gif>>
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 05:54 AM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> YENA DHURA STEREK
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 12:45 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 12:55 PM

> *a girls first time*
>
> (Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)
>
> It's your first time. As you lie back your
>
> muscles tighten. You put him
>
> off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
>
> ;refuses to be swayed as he
>
> approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
>
> shake your head bravely.
>
> He has had more experience, but it's the first
>
> time his finger has found
>
> the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
>
> your body tenses; but
>
> he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
>
> deeply within your eyes
>
> and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
>
> times before. His cool
>
> smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
>
> ;more room for an easy
>
> entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
>
> but he slowly takes his
>
> time, wanting to cause you as li
> ttle pain as
>
> possible. As he presses
>
> ;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
>
> way; pain surges throughout
>
> your body and you feel the slight trickle of
>
> blood as he continues. He
>
> looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
>
> painful.Your eyes are
>
> filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
>
> for him to go on. He
>
> begins going in and out with skill but you are
>
> now too numb to feel him
>
> within you. After a few moments, you feel
>
> something bursting within you and
>
> he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
>
> have it over. He looks
>
> at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
>
> chuckle; that you have been
>
> his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
>
> You smile and thank your
>
> dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
>
> a tooth pulled.
>
> Naughty, Naughty!
>
> What were you thinkin'
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 01:08 PM

Gaselomhle loMakhinte liyashaya majimbos.
Makhinte uthi YENA DHURA STEREK? hkkk hhk
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 03:13 PM

Medical School Application Answers

Question: Define The Following Terms

Antibody: Against everyone.

Artery: The study of fine paintings.

Bacteria: Back door to a cafeteria.

Benign: What you've been after eight.

Cardiology: Advance study of poker playing.

Cat Scan: Searching for lost kitty.

Chronic: Neck of a crow.

Coma: Punctuation mark.

Cyst: Short of sister.

Diagnosis: Person with slanted nose.

Dislocation: In this place.

Duodenum: Couple in jeans.

Enema: Not a friend.

False Labor: Pretending to work.

Gallbladder: Bladder in a girl.

Hernia: She is close by.

Labor Pain: Hurt at work.

Lactose: Person without digits on feet.

Lymph: Walk unsteadily.

Menopause: I no wait.

Microbes: Small dressing gowns.

Obesity: City of Obe.

Pacemaker: Winner of Nobel Peace Prize.

Protein: In favor of teens.

Pus: Small cat.

Red Blood Count: Dracula.

Rupture: Ecstasy.

Secretion: Hiding anything.

Serum: A sailor's drink.

Subcutaneous: Not cute enough.

Tablet: Small table
Posted by: ILembe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 04:18 PM

Makhinte

manje uyezwakala, jokes topi!
Posted by: Somabhula

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/05 06:48 PM

> Kwakukhona indoda yakwa Sibiya,eyayithanda ezocansi
> ngenhliziyo yayo
> yonke.Kwakuthi noma kukhona abavakashi,avele ambize
> u nkosikazi,inkinga nje
> ukuthi ubengakwazi ukukhetha amagama akhe,wayevele
> amemeze nje athi:
> "We nkosikazi,awungiphe i golo lapho"
> Waphoxeka ngelinye i langa u nkosikazi kuvakashe u
> mkhwekazi,ezicelela i
> golo u Sibiya njenge njwayelo .U nkosikazi
> wayesemtshela ukuthi uphoxekile
> ngalendlela acele ngakhona unina evakashile.Basebe
> vumelana ukuthi sebazo
> sebenzisa i "code-name".Kuyothi lapho esefuna
> ezocansi,avele athi"washing
> machine"
> Hhayi kwahamba kahle ke,eloku alisebenzisa leligama
> lika "washing machine"
> Langa limbe wa cela njengenjwayelo,u nkosikazi
> wathi:
> "Hhayi,Sibiya,i washing machine ayisebenzi
> namhlanje"
> Kwadlula izinsuku ezimbalwa engaceli,wamangala naye
> unkosikazi ngoba
> lalingekho elamahhala.Kwadlula ama viki
> ayisikhombisa,kuthe lapho sekudlule
> izinyanga ezintathu u Sibiya lo engasaceli
> ezocansi,wasola u nkosikazi
> ukuthi mhlawumbe u Sibiya usenomakhwapheni.Waqunga
> isibindi u nkosikazi
> wambuza umyeni wakhe:
> Nkosikazi:"Hhawu baba,sekuyizinyanga ezintathu
> ungayiceli i "washing
> machine",usuya jola yini"?
> Sibiya:"Akunjalo Nkosikazi,into nje kuleyi'nsuku
> sengiwasha ngezandla".
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/05 07:27 AM

So there was this catholic priest who had an eye for beautiful ladies and
it
> so happened that amongst the nuns there was one who was so beautiful and
> everytime he was trying to get his way with her and failing. So one day
he
> decides to take the nun with her to visit the sick and elderly in the
> villages, as yu know emaphandleni sometimes yu use the road zenqola in bushy
> areas to get to some homesteads so it was in such areas that the priest
> stopped his vehicle and said 'Sister imota ayisela petrol' AND SO THE NUN
WAS
> SHOCKED AND ASKED UKUTHI WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO. So the priest qoutest his
verse
> that says 'FOR WITH GOD NOTHING WILL BE IMPOSSIBLE' and proceeds to kneel
> down and pray. Within seconds he is up and sticks his manhood in the fuel
> tank and pretends to be urinating and they get back into the car and
> suprise the car starts and there the nun is thinking "la yiwo kanye amandla
> omkhuleko...." So after a short distance in a bushy area again the car
stops
> and father asks "SISTER AWULA WENA YINI IPETROL , EYAMI SEKUYI QHA"
> and sister hurries to the tank lifts her skirt and tries to squirt it into
> the tank and the father says 'AHH SISTER UMOSHA IPETROL AWUBONI NGANI UKUTHI UCHITHELA PHANSI...." and then usister says "Pho ngenze njani" and Father says "okay
> woza ngapha ngihlome ipipe yami leyi kusigxingi sakho besengi-drainer ipetrol ngiyethela emoteni, that way we will save lots of it.
>SO Father puts it into sister's nansingeni and usister
> wezwakala esengokhefuzelayo ethi "THATHANI YONKE Father, Hubula kungasali lutho!!"
>SO it went on like that usister saying after every few km Father sengilenye ipetrol....."
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/05 10:17 AM

GASELOMHLE UYABULALA NDODA...................... <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
WORTH TRYING <img border="0" title="" alt="[Confused]" src="images/icons/confused.gif" />
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/05 09:18 PM

two old men r sitting in an old people's home when one of the female residents runs past completely naked."what was that she was wearing"asks the first."Don't know,"replies the second."but it sure needed ironing."
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/05 10:28 PM

mzukulu
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/19/05 09:35 AM

Bakwethu, thina esinathayo siyake sinanzelele incazelo zamagama otshwala esibunathayo na?Lapha lami ngizaphonge ngicaze imihlobo emithathu nje
1. INGWEBU - I nto N ansi G umede W ena E bhawa B athi U yahlupha
Posted by: sithembolwakhe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/19/05 09:41 AM

LION - L EYO I MALI O LAYO N ATHA
CASTLE C ABANGA A BAZALI S ITHUTHA T HUMELA L EMALI E KHAYA
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 11:06 PM

A mechanic was removing the cylinder head from the engine of a
Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage.

The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, could I ask
you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, take a look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves
out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like
new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really
big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and then whispered to
the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 11:06 PM

A mechanic was removing the cylinder head from the engine of a
Jaguar when he spotted a well-known heart surgeon in his garage.

The surgeon was waiting for the service manager to come and take
a look at his car.

The mechanic shouted across the garage, "Hey, Doc, could I ask
you a question?"

The surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the mechanic.

The mechanic straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked,
"So Doc, take a look at this engine. I open its heart, take valves
out, fix 'em, put 'em back in, and when I finish, it works just like
new. So how come I get such a small salary and you get the really
big bucks when you and I are doing basically the same work?"

The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and then whispered to
the mechanic, "Try doing it with the engine running."
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 02:48 PM

A Vital Guide to SABC TV Pronunciation in South Africa

Beck - not the front

Beds - doves, vultures, etc.

Ben - to set alight

Cut - a small vehicle drawn by a donkey

Errors - districts, e.g. "Ebbon errors" (urban areas)

Feather - Cape Town is feather than Johannesburg

Guddin - around your house, where you grow plants

Get - a hinged opening in a fence

Hair - as opposed to him

Kennel - Army officer

Len - to acquire knowledge

Pee-Pull - Die Mense / people

Piss - symbolised by white doves

Suffa-Ring - as in "the pee-pull are suffa-ring"

Toks - Negotiations

Weaner - the weaner takes all

Wekkas - they do the wek

Weld - The Earth
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 03:10 PM

Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I
know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases
her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and
she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and
slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.

Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards
and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice.

"No, I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and
smiles.

"The airbag."
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 03:10 PM

Married couple is driving along a highway doing a steady forty miles per
hour. The wife is behind the wheel.

Her husband suddenly looks across at her and speaks in a clear voice "I
know we've been married for twenty years, but I want a divorce."

The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly increases
her speed to 45 mph.

The husband speaks again. "I don't want you to try and talk me out of it,"
he says, "because I've been having an affair with your best friend, and
she's a far better lover than you are."

Again the wife stays quiet, but grips the steering wheel more tightly and
slowly increases the speed to 55.

He pushes his luck. "I want the house," he says insistently.

Up to 60. "I want the car, too," he continues.

65 mph. "And," he says, "I'll have the bank accounts, all the credit cards
and the boat!"

The car slowly starts veering towards a massive concrete bridge.

This makes him nervous, so he asks her: "Isn't there anything you want?"

The wife at last replies-in a quiet and controlled voice.

"No, I've got everything I need," she says.

"Oh, really," he inquires, "so what have you got?"

Just before they slam into the wall at 65 mph, the wife turns to him and
smiles.

"The airbag."
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/05 03:33 PM

you know u r getting old when...
...the four-letter word for something two people can do together in bed is "READ"
...the names in yo little black book are mostly doctors
...you and your teeth no longr sleep together
...you getthe same sensation from a rocking chair that u used to get from a roller coaster
...u can live without sex,but not without glasses
...u have a party and the neighbours don't even realise
...yo back goz out more than u do
...yo ears are hairier than yo head
...u're asleep, but others worry that u r dead
...u can't tell the difference btwn a heart attack and an orgasm
...u sink yo teeth into a steak-and they stay there
...work is a lot less fun,and fun is a lot more work
...the gleam in yo eyes is the sun hitting your bifocals and u start having dry dreams and wet farts
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/21/05 03:18 PM

Girls Night Out!


Two women friends had gone for a "girls night out". They both were very faithful, loving wives... however, they had gotten a bit over enthusiastic on Bacardi Breezers.

Incredibly drunk and walking home, they needed to pee, so they stopped in a cemetery. One had nothing to wipe with so she decided to take off her panties and use them. Her friend, however, was wearing expensive panties and didn't want to ruin them. Luckily she had squatted next to a grave that had a fresh wreath with a ribbon on it...so she proceeded to wipe with that. After the girls completed their "business," they continued toward home.

The following day, one of the women's husband was concerned that his normally sweet and innocent wife was still in bed and hung over. He phoned
the other husband, and said, "These girls nights out have got to stop! I'm starting to suspect the worst! My wife came home with no panties!" ..
"That's nothing!" said the other husband, "mine came back with a card stuck to her butt that read:

"FROM ALL OF US AT THE FIRE STATION... WE WILL NEVER FORGET YOU"!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/22/05 11:08 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/24/05 04:29 PM

A police officer in Johannesburg Central approaches a group of street vendors sitting and selling their stuff.

Police Officer: Sorry, but no street vendors are
allowed here. Street Vendor: (A woman) furiously jumps up and say"Ja, I knew it. What about street Basotho across the road or even this woman selling next to me, she is a street Xhosa and I bet you never said anything to street Zulus in Bree Street. You people are all the same, you are scared of Street Nigerians and
just because I am a Venda you don't want me to sellhere"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 06:18 PM

TYPICAL MALE LOGIC

A man and his wife are in court getting a divorce.
The problem was who should get custody of the child. The wife jumped up and said: "Your Honor, I brought the child into the world with pain and labor. She should be in my custody."

The judge turns to the husband and says: "What do you have to say in your defense?"

The man sat for a while contemplating. Then, he slowly rose. "Your Honour. If I put a dollar in a vending machine and a Pepsi comes out, whose Pepsi is it ........ the machine's or mine?"
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 08:38 PM

MABILA wenzani <img border="0" title="" alt="[Wink]" src="images/icons/wink.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 08:46 PM

>YOU KNOW YOU ARE FROM ZIMBABWE IF:
1. You only buy drinks when you have visitors.
2. You think BORED means annoyed, frustrated or disappointed (as in waakundibhowa manje)
3. You cannot count up to ten in your own language and are proud of it
4. You think plastic bag and paper bag are the same thing.
5. You can HEAR smells.(ndiri kunzwa kasmero)
6. You think buses STAND (bhazi rakamira) and cars DIE.(yafa ka?)
7. You think money can be EATEN. ( akadya mari yangu!!)
8. You ever had to get off "after hump", "palight" or "pagiveway" "pano mukuwasha", "pamarara" , "pamujakaranda wechi 2","padombo"
9. You think the whole of the U.K is London.
10. You think perfume and deodorant is the same thing.
11. You ever had to smack your T.V to get better reception.
12. You know what "the Epilogue" on the T.V is.
13. You know what VISIONA is.
14. You only go to the dentist when you have a toothache.
15. You think that Coca-cola is the generic name for all softdrinks,Cobra for all floor polish, Surf for all washing powder & Colgate for
all toothpaste
16. You can actually understand what is said by Tsitsi Mawarire,Kudzi Marudza and Rueben Barwe.
17. You only know two types of salad- coleslaw and coleslaw.
18. You only have 3 spices- salt, mhiripiri and Royco usavi mix.
19. You believe in recycling- old tyres make good shoes, old stockings are great for shining the floor, newspaper makes good toilet paper and
> >old cars make good chicken coops.
20. You know how to fit 10 people into a sedan.
21. You know there are two classes of people- maNOSE and maSRB
but are not sure where you belong.
22. You bad-mouth the gvt but never vote.
23. You hear the word WEDDING and immediately think of STEPS.
24. You know what DAMAGE is, in relation to marriage.
25. Your idea of eating out is going to Chicken Inn.
26. It takes a whole day and a half to get a passport or an I.D.
27. You have seen the inside of a blair toilet.
28. You have ever walked to a drive-inn cinema.
30. For you christmas means new clothes, and christmas dinner is rice and chicken.
32. You have ever named your dog after animals that are not remotely related to dogs. e.g. Tiger and Spider.
33. You think everyone from another country is better than you.
34. You know all the 4 seasons, Almost Summer, Summer, Still summmer and Christmas.
35. You think of the 4 major food groups as Beef, Chicken, Sadza & Tea.
40. You know several Muzenda jokes.
45. You forward this to other Zimbabweans
46. Any hot beverage is called tea. Ndiitirewo tea yedrinking
choclate kana ye coffe time.
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 09:08 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 09:09 PM

Paul was not the brightest guy around. Every day, when he walked home from
work, he would get stopped by three nasty men and they would beat him up
and steal his money.

Finally, Paul decided that it would serve his best interest to walk a
different route, but also take some self-defense classes so this wouldn't
happen again.

He joined a karate class and soon was doing very well with it.

So, one day, on the way home from work, Paul confidently decided to take
his old route home and, sure enough, there they were. He walked up to them
and the battle ensued.

The next afternoon, Paul went to his karate class with a black eye, a
broken nose and a busted lip.

His instructor was shocked and asked for an explanation.

"Well," explained Paul, "I took my old way home last night so I could beat
those guys up who used to steal my money."

His instructor said, "What happened?"

Paul replied, "They jumped me before I could get my socks and shoes off!"
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/05 09:15 PM

A man appeared before St Peter at the pearly gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asked.

"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offered. "Once, on a trip to the
Black Hills out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone
bikers, who were threatening a young woman. I told them to leave her alone,
but they wouldn't listen. So, I walked up to the largest and most
heavily-tattooed biker and smacked him in the head, kicked his bike over,
ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground." I yelled, "Now, back
off. Biker Boy, or you'll answer to me!"

St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"

"Just a couple minutes ago."
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/11/05 05:54 AM

An airplane is flying over the United States at night. The pilot says:
"Ladies and Gentlemen, the plane is losing altitude and all the baggage must be
thrown out." A little later, the pilot says "We're still losing altitude, we
must throw anything out that is in the cabin".

The plane continues its descent despite more things being thrown out.

Pilot: "Still going down - we must throw out some people". There's a big gasp
from the passengers!

Pilot: "But to make this fair, passengers will be thrown out in alphabetical
order. So... A... any Africans on board?"

No one moves.

"B... any Blacks on board?"

No one moves.

"C... any Caribbean on board?"

"D... any dark skin people on board"


Still, no one moves. A little black american boy - asks his dad: "Dad,...what
are we?

Dad: "Tonight son, we are Zulus!"
Posted by: umkabayi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/11/05 04:47 PM

ahhhhhhhh zaze zaqhaqheka imbambo <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/12/05 11:12 PM

tshisa uya tshisa ndoda <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/12/05 11:14 PM

A Zulu guy: His first day on the road after a long time since he got
his license, he sees a road sign that reads R 565 Bloemfontein, he
immediatly does a u turn withouth noticing the are traffic cops near
buy.

They stop him. "Baba udakiwe yini? Awukwazi ukuvele ushaye iU turn and
face oncoming traffic, uyahlanya yini"? Asks the traffic officer. "Usho
kanjani ngoba uyazibonela nawe ukuthi lomgwaqo uyabiza". "Ubiza kanjani
Baba"? "Mina ngeke ngikwazi ukukhokha u Five Hundred and Sixty Five
rand ukuhamba emgwaqeni nje"!!!
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/12/05 11:33 PM

you gusy liyarocka manje sooo <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/21/05 12:38 PM

GENERAL EQUATIONS & STATISTICS

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

A successful man is one who makes more money than his wife can spend.

A successful woman is one who can find such a man.

HAPPINESS

To be happy with a man, you must understand him a lot and love him a little.

To be happy with a woman, you must love her a lot and not try to understand her at all.

LONGEVITY

Married men live longer than single men do, but married men are a lot more willing to die.

PROPENSITY TO CHANGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change, and she does.

DISCUSSION TECHNIQUE

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

HOW TO STOP PEOPLE FROM BUGGING YOU ABOUT GETTING MARRIED

Old aunts used to come up to me at weddings, poking me in the ribs and cackling, telling me, You're next."

They stopped after I started doing the same thing to them at funerals.
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/21/05 07:57 PM

Joshua 43 verses 1,5 bashayeni ngenduku yenyama echitha amafutha ngaphambili. uma bekhala ningabayeki ngoba bayobe bezwa ubumnandi. AMEN
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/21/05 08:00 PM

A woman being raped fones police,"Im being oooh aaah yeeeh raped can you ouch ouch yahhh come & arrest him 2moro morning
Posted by: mthabisi88

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/29/05 11:39 PM

kuthiwa omunye ubaba owayesecake kakhulu wazewaphela izibunu ngenxa ye AIDS WEZWAKALA ESITHI NGAFA NGAPHELA IZIBUNU NJENGISITSHA NGIPHIDNE NGITHI UNGATHANDA AMAPHATHI UZAPHELA USEQA NJENGEPHATHAPHATHA ULOKHE UJAIVA ISITHI RAPHU RAPHU
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/29/05 04:46 PM

pliz izidindi MTHABISI88 no s'bali azivunyelwa shame hayi ah instead ukuthi ngihleke ijoke yakho sengihleka wena hk hk hk hk
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/29/05 05:08 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> hk hk ezakho so asazi ubethi uyazama shame
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/30/05 03:02 PM

Kuhle ngoba nanku zephukile imbambo, hk hk hk hk!
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/30/05 04:43 PM

LOKHU KUFUNA ABALE SENSE OF HUMOUR ENJENGEYAMI,HK HK,EYOBULEMA,HK HK.KUTHWA WHITE KIDS GO TO HIGH SCHOOL BUT BLACK KIDS GO TO SCHOOL,HIGH (ON DRUGS)
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/30/05 04:59 PM

HMMMMMMM,WHAT IF MZEKEZEKE WAS THE PRESIDENT OF ZIMBABWE?HOW WOULD HE:

1.ADDRESS THE NATION
2.TREAT GRACE IN PUBLIC
3.CONDUCT HIS CAMPAIGNS

NGIYABUZA NJE,JUST WONDERING NGOBA LOMJIDA HAYI AHH,HE IS ONE OF A KIND.AYEYEEEEE
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/03/06 02:26 PM

A married businessman meets a beautiful girl and agrees to spend the
night with her for $500. He spends the night with her but, before he
leaves, he tells her that he does not have any cash with him, but he
will have his secretary write a check and mail it to her, calling the payment
"RENT FOR APARTMENT."

On the way to the office, he regrets what he has done, realizing that
the
whole event was not worth the price. So he has his secretary send a
check for $250 and enclosed the following typed note:
Dear Madam:

Enclosed you will find a check in the amount of $250 for rent of your
apartment. I am not sending the amount agreed upon because, when I
rented the apartment, I was under the impression that:
1. It has never been occupied.
2. There was plenty of heat.
3. It was small enough to make me feel cozy and at home.
However, I found out that it had been previously occupied, that
there wasn't any heat, and that it was entirely too large.

Upon receipt of the note, the girl immediately returned the check for
$250 with the following note:

Dear Sir:

First of all, I cannot understand how you expect a beautiful apartment
to
remain unoccupied indefinitely. As for the heat, there is plenty of
it,
if you know how to turn it on. Regarding the space, the apartment is
indeed of regular size but, if you don't have enough furniture to fill
it, please don't blame the landlady.

Send the rent in full or we will be forced to contact your present
landlady.
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/03/06 03:29 PM

kuthiwa oluChikore lamanye nje amaminister attended a party lapho okwakumele baqoke ama musk phela, kuthe sekunjalo bahamba eparty bakholisa kwabamnandi kwabajeya. safika isikhathi sokuthi baphume iparty isiphelile basebebisla ama musk ababewaqokile ku security guard. OluChikore luthe solubanga emoteni yalo lezwa umuntu eluqweba sithi I'M SORI MINISTER BUT I THINK YOU FORGOT TO HAND IN YOUR MUSK.......
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/04/06 12:16 AM

A group of student friends were drinking and they were joined by Xhosa women. They drank until late and they decided to go and have Some food at the guys halls of residence . The girls were offered beans and bread.
After the meal one guy attempted to get one woman to bed and she was heard screaming;
"Ngembotyi nje qha sewufuna ukunditya. Soze sana, ngembotyi nje?!" When they came out, the other one was screaming;
"Andinangxaki ngokutyiwa. Ukutyiwa ndizotyiwa, qha nje yi approach. Andinangxaki tututu ngokutyiwa, ingxaki yi approach qha, ndi approache kakuhle bhuti.
Kakade sidalelwe ukutyiwa.
Posted by: dabulap

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/05/06 12:25 AM

wangichaza mninimuzi

uqinisile udade, amanye ama approach angakuthelela isilungulela shuwa sibili, phela libofundisana bobhudi nxa lihlangene, lingaze liziyangise mngci inkosi phezulu.
Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/08/06 02:03 AM

Osisi ababili abahle bazihambela logogo wabo. Endleleni babanjwe ngamatsotsi athi ahamba labo bayaba repha. Amankazana la amabili athi ok, but besicela ugogo limyekele bantu li rephe thina. Ugogo weqa wema lapha wathi, " Ini? Kuthiwe siyaretshwa sonke"
Posted by: umkabayi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/08/06 08:46 AM

S'gero... ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh yey' wenaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa imbambo mazi qhaqheke oqotho.
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
kwaku ngela saba lwengotsha eduze khonapho yini??
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/08/06 11:09 PM

I was a very happy person. My wonderful girlfriend and I had
been dating for over a year, and so we decided to get married. There was only on little thing bothering me...
It was her beautiful younger sister. My prospective sister-in-law was twenty-two, wore very tight miniskirts, and generally was bra-less.She would regularly bend down when she was near me, and I always got more than a pleasant view of her private parts. It had to be deliberate.She never did it when she was near anyone else.
One day her "little" sister called and asked me to come over to check the wedding invitations. She was alone when I arrived, and she whispered to me that she had feelings! and desires for me that she couldn't overcome.She told me that she wanted to make love to me just once before
I got married and committed my life to her sister.Well, I was in total shock, and couldn't say a word. She said,
"I'm going upstairs to my bedroom, and if you want one last wild fling, just come up and get me."I was stunned and frozen in shock as I watched her go up the stairs.When she reached the top she pulled off her panties and threw them down the stairs at me. I stood there for a moment, then turned and made a beeline straight to the front door. I opened the door, and headed
straight towards my car.Lo and behold, my entire future family was standing outside, all clapping!With tears in his eyes, my father-in-law hugged me and said, "We are very happy that you have passed our little test. We couldn't ask for better man for our daughter. Welcome to the family."
And the moral to this story is: Always keep your condoms in your car
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/09/06 10:26 PM

MNINIMUZI <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Godlway'omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/09/06 11:02 PM

Zwanini bakwethu...kusukisela apha sengizosebenzisa lena bizo...ngithi khonti ngisuke ku ntshontshobela...kodwa ngilokhe nginguyenalowana muntu wakho Godlwayo...yikuthi nje ngimude ngikhonaleee...ngingazephula phohlo phohlo 'manxa' ngingathi ngiphume ngesiqubu kubi ngingalindele...soke bengintshontshobela njengodwayi. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Big Grin]" src="images/icons/grin.gif" />
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/10/06 06:37 AM

NOMANGQIKA: Awu, siyabonga ngevesi lakho elikuJoshuwa 43.But angaz'ukuthi yiphe le version. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/10/06 06:57 AM

As for maGagisa undoda lo owe mask, wangefuni uku adressa umhlangano nxa kungela oCamera men ngoba wefuna ukubonakala daily kuTV.So wayengaku boni lokhu okubonwa ngabanye abantu ngeFace yakhe. <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/10/06 12:48 PM

hk hk do u believe it lami ngathi ngithola that joke ngagijima ngivula ibhayibhili engcwele sengimangele ngabona zero hk hk asazi lol
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/10/06 01:48 PM

Lami bengith'ikhona. Anyhow uhlopho yikuthi uthi wena woniwa ngenye inkunzi. But at least u enjoyed. <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Zulu boy

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/12/06 04:00 PM

There was a cucumber, a pickle and a penis sitting around talking about how their lives sucked.

The cucumber "Man, my life sucks. when I get big, fat and juicy, they cut me up and stick me on a salad."

The pickle looks at him and says, " u think u have it bad? when I get big and juicy, they stick me in vinegar, put spices on me, and stick me in a jar."

The penis looks at him and says, "you think u have it rough? when I get big, fat and juicy, they stick a rubber tarp on my head, stick me in a dark room, and bang my head against the wall until I throw up and pass out!"
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/12/06 05:15 PM

Shame, shuwa! The poor penis!
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 08:21 AM

Impilw'inzima shuwa. <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 11:31 PM

women r funy, they can nicely guide a 10 inch penis inside a 2 inch vagina in deep darkness but cant park a car in a 3m bay in boad day light.

sorry ma selayithola couldn't help but to share hk
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 12:19 PM

Nomangqika

I-10 inchies lezi yi-diameter or what? Hk hk Hk Yeka mntak'abab'ukhale ngayo linkunz'eyakonayo, yayibanzi kanjalo hk hk hk. Wawungek'phephe shuwa. Kodwa phela awukangitshengis'ilaph'ekhona ngiye rivenja.
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 12:50 PM

Nomangqika,kusegcekeni lokho ngoba umahluko okhona lapha yilo,kambe emoteni uyabe ekholisani? <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 03:47 PM

hk hk manje so hk hk
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 05:03 PM

>One day a 40 tear old man and his wife where relaxinng on their bed naked.
>Suddenly the men looked at his wife's private area,he looked very scared.
>then the wife asked him,
"Honey whats wrong"
>The man with a very shrewed face.
"Sweetie this thing twenty years ago looked so nice i felt like eating it,but now it lookes like its going to eat me".
<img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 05:19 PM

High School Love Letters

LETTER TO THE BOYFRIEND <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ

** " P D N F"--- please do no fold

Roll down to you sweetiepie Babe!
Time and ability plus double capacity has forced my pen to dance automatically on this benedicted sheet of paper. Why! this miraculous thing happened is because papie I love you spontaneously and as I stand horizontal to the wall and perpendicular to the ground I only think o f you, since you are a fantastic and fabulous guy. papie please Stop haranguing with the feelings in my heart because I love you more than a snake loves rat. To me each day starts by thinking of you and ends by dreaming of you. Each time I see you my metabolism suddenly stops and my peristalysis goes in reverse gear. My medular-oblandata also stops functioning.

Crazy crazy crazy you may say but this is true. If only you knew what is going on in my encephalon you would understand. That's why I need to see you face to face with you, soon. I think I have to pen-off hear because I still haven't finished studying electrolysis and polymerization. Catch you pa- later. Sleep tight and don't let those bed bugs ever bite you coz you are too sweet a thing for them.



Yourz Ever,
Sugar tapi tapi






REPLY TO THE GIRLFRIEND


** ROLL DOWN TOU YOU ** KISS BEFORE YOU READ

** " P D N F"--- please do no fold



My Love, My Sugar, i was exasperated with pride to have received one from you, the lungs in my body flapped with joy when i have been reading your letter. Anyway by now you have reached the realisations to why i am jotting this small letter to you, yes it is to see if you are keeping with the sands of time.


How is everything on that other side of yours? Well here everything is just half lemon half sugar to makeit schweppes. How is your schooling? How are you pulling the wagons of life? I am just pulling the schooling thing like a donkey pulling a cart.

My honie, i am missing you very much right now, my heart is perambulating with every word that i write, if it was not for these oceans that decided to flow between us then i would get on the next bus to come and see you, but until then i know that i will not hesitate to put this blue blood on this paper and write to you. I remember that day lovie, that one sweet day as Maria Curry sanged it, you know that it is my favorites song honie, the one day that we were boarding the combies and you escorted me to my home, walking with you just brought sweet dreams to me for t he rest of my life honie.

If words of love could ride a bicycle I would be competing against Diego Maradona. Anyways, i will not stop you from reading the books that give you life and education so I will stop here for today.

Please always writing to me because I am missing you like sugar misses tea. You can see my foto below

My dedications to you are :


Maria Curry - One Sweet Day.

Boys to Main - And of the Rod

Keep well my mop of my heart, Yours in flesh and in blood , Ruise Sugar Baby

P.S. Sorry about my english, I did not learn anymore







__________________________________________________
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/13/06 09:05 PM

kunzima into iyesabeka leyo esp nxa usuqedelane layo kuthi uvuke ubaleke. hk hk hk. Elinye ikhalanga lathi koti ulobe nekombo (kuthi udobhe ugodo uyitshaye).
Posted by: mthwentwe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/14/06 12:46 AM

zulu boy
hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: mthwentwe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/14/06 12:46 AM

zulu boy
hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 05:32 PM

Little Johnny:
Grandpa do you and Gran still have sex?
Grandpa: Yes, but its oral.Little Johnny:
What's oral? Grandpa: i say fuck u, and she says fuck u 2!!! hk
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 06:11 PM

<img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> leyi i think layithola kudala but mina ngizayiphinda iyangisetha hk

Aguy went 2 library to borrow a book on how to commit suicide the librarian looked at him and said 'msathanyoko' who is going to return my book
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 06:42 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> futhi asaziiiiii yeyi hk hk
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 07:28 PM

Noma


Aguy went 2 library to borrow a book on how to commit suicide the librarian looked at him and said 'msathanyoko' who is going to return my book


hk hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 09:47 PM

TYPES OF WOMENs ORGASM: the greedy:aaah more more!! the religious: oh God oh my God! the traveller: im comin now! the murderer: if u take t out i'll kill you! <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/15/06 10:04 PM

Umfana wayehamba emgwaqweni wadobha isaka lemali enengi kakhulu,he could not believe his luck,wasesithi yekela ngiguqe ngibonge inkosi ngaleyo mali phela,wasefaka imali eceleni kwakhe kodwa engabambanga isaka,wakhuleka
Uthe nxa eqeda wabona imali ingasekho.
Umfana weqa wakhomba phezulu wathi
WENA NKULUNKULU NGIFUNI'MALI YAMI KANGIFUNI UKUDLALA LAWE.
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 06:19 AM

NOMANGQIKA,

Asike sixoxe ngasese phela hatshi emphakathini. <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 02:01 PM

A woman interested in buying a handbag asks the Sales Rep, "How much for this handbag?"

He says, "US$100."

She says, "What, this small bag!?"

He replies, "Senziwe nges'khumba sobolo mamazala.Ungas'phulula siyakhukhumala sibe yi-suitcase."
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 02:37 PM

<img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> Gaselomhle wena so imbambo zami ngezephepha bakithi ungazidabuli hk hk wangibulala uyazi
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 02:58 PM

NDODA LAKHATHESI LOKHE NGIHLEKA <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 03:12 PM

kengilinyanyise hk angazi loba leyi liyayazi hk

NEWS BULLETIN-
Woman found dead in bath tub filled with milk and cornflakes, banana stuck in her pussy & raisins in her arse, police think it's a CEREAL killer.
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 03:17 PM

hk sengiwumana okokucina lol.
penis iz
better
than a
credit card.
bcoz its
accepted
worldwide,

auto
reload

no limit
on usage
needs no
authorization,
no
need
2
swipe,
just
wipe
after
use! hk kh
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 03:36 PM

wena nomangqinga wena asazi, ngifuna ukuku bophisa sungihlekise imbambi zami zaqamuka, uthi wena ubongani ugcono kule credit card hk hk hk hk hk
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 05:17 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> ezandleni kuwe Nomagqika uyatshaya fethu imbambo zephukile feya <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 07:00 PM

Nomangqika

Sengivule Noma hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/16/06 09:04 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> vele ngizakudabulela mahlaba hk hk.

kuthiwa umgabe wahamba engutsheni lomhlambi wakhe wabo bodyguards then wafika wathi kolunye uhlanya mina ngingu mgabe uhlanya lwahleka lwathi uyambona lo lukhomba olunye uhlanya ngofana lawe wathi efika lapha wazithi ungumadiba hk
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/17/06 08:19 AM

NOMANGQIKA,

Hey,ngike ngazama ukuphendula i message yakho but yalile ukuhamba.Kungasenani if you could send yr e-mail address to mine kuzolunga. <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/17/06 04:39 PM

mangethe ezakho sokutheni usungifaka ibandla hk hk ezakho so asazi kutheni booo tshela mina kutheni mnewethu.
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/17/06 08:03 PM

Noma

Ungethuki mtakababa kuyatholakala hk hk hk <img border="0" alt="[Grin]" title="" src="graemlins/grin15.gif" />
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/17/06 08:24 PM

UKWESABA

Omunye ubaba wayesesaba inyoka ikwedlula yonkinto nje esesabekayo,ngelinye ilannga wakhwela entabeni esiyadhinga imbila.

Wathi uyajika ngemva kwedwala wahlangana lenyoka le abathi lilobambila ilengile ikhangele ebusweni bakhe imele ukuthi angathi one move ihle imtshaye.

Umfana wama waqanda waswela likuthi enzeni khonapho lomthambiso lokungumthokozo kokwesaka kwasokuzehlela nje ntandoyakho.Elokho esakhangelane lenyoke le kwafika icebo.

Weyelokulilenjana lenqulwini,wehlisa isandla kancane wathatha ilembu leliyana waliphatha ngezandla zonke,yathi kanje ithi cwayi inyoka umfana weqa wayimbokoth'ikhanda.

Ngokwesaba kwakhe inyoka wahle wacabanga ukuya edwaleni ayeyikhuhlela ikhanda edwaleni ize ife,umfana wayikhuhlela inyoka idlwaleni waze iginqa,kemanga lapho,wayengafuni ngitsho ukukhangela lapho akhuhlela khona.

Kwathi sokuphele ngingathi 30 mins,ngabona inyokale yayisisele ihalf,wasephosa khatshana lee okwakusele.wasethi uyakhangela esandleni ekade silenyoka wabona maye!!sekhuhlele leminwe yakhe imithathu <img border="0" alt="[GPN]" title="" src="graemlins/gpn.gif" />
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 02:39 PM

Liyazi omalukazana labo mamazala kuyaziwa ukuthi kabezwani. Komunye umyaka kwelinye ilokishi omalokazana bahlangana bathi ngcono bazame ukuqeda izinkinga between bona labo mamazala. Basebekhuluma lamo mamezala kwathiwa let's go for a picnic. Kwajatshulwa. Sebevela le i khombi eyayithwele omamazala yebhewuka bafa bonke. Bakhala omamazala. Omunye kubo waye khala engaduduzeki. Bambuza kuthi owakho ube e special yini.

wathi "she missed the bus".
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 02:44 PM

UMasendeke wathola umagogo lomzukulu wakhe oyinkazana. Wayefuna uku rapper lomzukulu ubusuku bonke. Wazama icebo ukuthi akuyenze kube fair.

Wathi ngizali rapper ngokubala amzinyo enu. Ugogo wayele one. Waqala ngo gogo. Uthe eseqedile esesithi uyadlulela kumzukulu ugogo wathi

"Kulelinye lapha emhlathini"

@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@@''
who said ukuthi being rapped is not nice?
If u can't avoid being rapped u might as well relax and enjoy it.
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 05:07 PM

qhude


Bayethe nkosiyami hk hk hk ungibulele hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 07:56 PM

A real life story

A shona guy was asked by the teacher

Teacher>What is the young one of a cameleon called?

Shona Guy>kathausand sir?


Get it?-shona translation.ka-million=ka-thausand

The teacher gave him the beating of his life
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 08:33 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> ha ha suzanza mina ezakho manje mina ngizakudabulela uyazi.

mina ngilombuzo abalalela inews liyizwile indaba esecourt eyomunye undoda waseGermany okuthiwa wafaka iadvert ku internet eyokuthi udinga umuntu ofuna ukuthi adliwe.

then kwaba levolunteer kuthe sebebonene baqala ngokukhanzinga ipenis kalowo ndoda bayiqobelela bobabili yikho okungicazayo hk lowana ebleeder ngapha esidla ipenis yakhe hk hk asazi afterwards wasembulala wabe elokhe emudla mbijana mbijana emfake efilijini so icourt is charging him nge murder umhlaba lo asazi hk lami ukhona ofuna ngimudle yini hk.
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 08:47 PM

Noma

hk hk hk hk Ngike ngezwa indaba efana laleyo kodwa bengingakezwa ukuthi sethole ufunukudliwa hk hk hk.

Uphambili <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 09:12 PM

ha ha manje abantu abamhlophe bayahlanya liyazi lowu ke owe japane owayesebenza emortuary layizwa hk kuthiwa wabona ikhoca eliblind seliziphumulele kokomhlaba(dead)wabe emhawukela then hk hk liyazi uyangihlekisa umdala lowu wabe emsukela liyazi hk hk waze wavuka ekufeni hk.

usecourt for ukuthi kutsho yinto yakhe yokulala lezidumbu hk but abazali bakankazana bathi they want to drop amacharges coz umtanabo wavuswa kwabafileyo.
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/06 10:04 PM

Noma

hk hk hk
Kade ngingabonanga umbuzo wakho,zidlele mina gaya ngingaphumula ukuhlukunyezwa ngabetshabi hk hk.Ufunukuqala ngokudlani first? hk hk hk.
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/19/06 02:37 AM

Nomagiqika

Lami I wouldn't mind ukudliwa ngumuntu owesfazana omuhle njengawe but unga zama ukungi sheya le ndoda ngingavuka ekufeni.
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/19/06 05:47 PM

Nomagqika

ha ha ha waze wangihlekisa ke fethu yeyi asaziiiiiiiii ezakho woza lazo....
<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Maqhamehlezi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/20/06 09:39 PM

There are times when u feel nobody loves u,people dont want u, and nobody cares for you...then you start to ask yourself, "AM I ZANU PF?"
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/20/06 10:26 PM

Kelingitshele kwenziweni ngabantu be zimland.com laba abafuna ukunotha ngathi besidla ama grocery abogogo bethu?

;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;;
ngiyazi le yindawo yembambo kodwa <img border="0" title="" alt="[Eek!]" src="images/icons/shocked.gif" />
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/20/06 11:20 PM

Two men met at a bus stop and struck up a conversation. One of
them kept complaining of family problems. Finally, the other man said:

"You think you have family problems? Listen to my situation. A
few years ago I met a young widow with a grown-up daughter and we got
married. "Later my father married my step daughter. That made my
stepdaughter my stepmother and my father became my stepson.

Also, my wife became mother in-law of her father-in-law. Then the
daughter of my wife, my stepmother, had a son. This boy was my
half-brother because he was my father's son, but he was also
the son of my wife's daughter which made him my wife's
grand-son. That made me the grandfather of my half-brother. "This was
nothing until my wife and I had a son. Now the half-sister
of my son, my stepmother, is also the grandmother. "This makes
my father the brother-in-law of my child, whose stepsister is my
father's wife, I'm my stepmother's brother-in-law, my wife is
her own child's aunt, my son is my father's nephew and I'm My own
grandfather! And you think you have family problems!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 09:29 AM

Mary Sue was visiting the big city for the first time. She checks into her hotel and the bellboy takes her bags. She follows the boy, and as
the door closes, she looks around and shakes her fist at him.

"Young man -- I may be old and straight from the hills, but that don't mean I'm stupid! I paid *good* money and this room won't do at ALL!
It's too small, there's no ventilation, no TV -- there's not even a BED!"

"Ma'am, this is the elevator."
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 09:32 AM

'Try not to lie, but if you do, do it as well as the priest."..........

A distinguished looking young lady is on a flight returning from Switzerland. She finds herself seated next to a priest and asks"
Excuse me father, may I ask a favor of you?"

"Well of course Miss, what can I do for you?" he replies.

"Here's the dilemma, I purchased for myself, a superbly sophisticated electronic hair remover. I paid a lot of money for it. I really went well over the limits set forth by Customs, and I fear they will confiscate it from me. Could you perhaps secret it through Customs for me under your robes?"

"I certainly could my dear, only I must warn you I really am not ever able to lie..."

"You have such an honest face father, surely they will never ask any questions of you," and with that she hands him the hair remover.

After landing they proceed through Customs and it becomes the father's turn in line.

"Father, do you have anything to declare?" asks the Custom's officer.

"From the top of my head to my waist I have nothing to declare my son."

Finding this answer a little strange the custom's officer proceeds to ask, "And from the waist to the floor, what do you have to declare?"


The father replies, "I have a marvelous little instrument destined to be used on a woman, but which has never yet been used..."

Roaring with laughter the Custom's officer says, "Go right through father.

Next!"
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 04:03 PM

<img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> ha ha maqhame mina ngiyazi ngale indlela ijoke yakho hk When you cry no one sees your tears: when in pain no one sees your hurt distressed no one notices but SUZA ubone !!
Posted by: Godlway'omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 07:19 PM

<img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" /> <img border="0" title="" alt="[Roll Eyes]" src="images/icons/rolleyes.gif" />

heyiii le iphambili lee, kodwa bayangihlekisa lapha abanye bathi kanti lowo o****yo phakathi komphakathi njengabo Disco...ethi adabule sibili ke? hk hk hk

Angithi abantu bazaqhubekela phambili bejikitha bedlule le rivesi yakho futhi bebhhoda betshone phansi; bavumbuluke..eziifi akula ku***a. hk hk
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 10:27 PM

Lixole leyi ilokuyi sishona phakathi.

A man caught musturbating in the shower simply answered
"Munhu anogeza mboro yake ne speed yaanoda"
(umuntu uyageza ubolo lwakhe nge speed asifunayo kwazise lundonda waye fast)

Ngeyesishona ngoba phela lundoda wayelishona

##################################################
Posted by: Godlway'omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/21/06 11:07 PM

Amatshona ayakwenza lokho...khonapho engela lanhloni ivini. Khonalapho omunye uyab'ewuhlaba umkhosi ngazani uletsheri kodwa nixxx!
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/22/06 01:36 AM

Kuthiwa uMgabe wayeku same flight loThabo Mbeki and Chiluba of zambia,so kuthiwa as the plane was flying over southern Africa thabo mbeki looked through the window and he saw very nice cape beaches,interlocking mountains of drankensburg and he noded his head and said,"we are flying of over South Africa",.

Then Chiluba looked through the window and he saw hips oF white raw copper being mined and noded his head and said "we are flying over Zambia"

Then finally Mgabe looked through the window and he saw dust and bulldozas bulldozing every house on their way,he shook his head and looked through the window for the second time and he saw police chasing and beating people,then he finally noded his head and said,i cant believe Bulawayo is still standing but anyway we are flying over Great Zimbabwe.
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/22/06 04:59 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> ha ha mahlaba bhoyi uyazi so asazi ha ha ezakho futhi nikisi <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/22/06 09:09 PM

Isinozi lesi
Omunye undoda watshona ezidleala indlubu emsebenzini. Wathi efika endlini umfazi wamhlangabeza ngaphandle wamuvala nge lembu amehlo wathi "darling there is a surprise for you". Wangena laye ku lounge wamhlalisa phansi. Khonapho iphone eyayise khitshini ya ringer. umfazi waphuma waya kuyo wezwakala ekhuluma ephonini kweyinye iroom. I ndoda yathi chance up. Yayi phonguthi tshikiyani ithi bhu, bhururu, bherere, bharara lani liyazazi indlubu. Umfazi waqeda waphenduka wafika wakhipha ilembu ukuthi indoda ibone i surprise. Kwakunga mavisitors.
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/22/06 09:24 PM

nomangqika

Ngakutshela ngathi mina ngizakusetha hk hk
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 12:15 PM

Please be good with the kids.

A FATHER PASSING BY HIS SON'S BEDROOM WAS ASTONISHED TO SEE THE BED WAS NICELY MADE AND EVERYTHING WAS PICKED UP.THEN HE SAW AN ENVELOPE PROPPED UP PROMINENTLY ON THE CENTER OF THE BED.IT WAS ADDRESSED, "DAD". WITH THE WORST PREMONITION, HE OPENED THE ENVELOPE AND READ THE LETTER WITH TREMBLING HANDS:

DEAR DAD,
IT IS WITH GREAT REGRET AND SORROW THAT I'M WRITING THIS. I HAD TO
ELOPE WITH MY NEW GIRLFRIEND BECAUSE I WANTED TO AVOID A SCENE WITH MOM AND
YOU.I'VE BEEN FINDING REAL PASSION WITH BARBARA AND SHE IS SO NICE EVEN WITH ALL HER PIERCING, TATTOOS, AND HER TIGHT MOTORCYCLE CLOTHES. BUT IT'S
NOT ONLY THE PASSION DAD, SHE'S PREGNANT AND BARBARA SAID THAT WE WILL BE
VERY HAPPY.EVEN THOUGH YOU DON'T CARE FOR HER AS SHE IS MUCH OLDER THAN I, SHE ALREADY OWNS A TRAILER IN THE WOODS AND HAS A STACK OF FIREWOOD FOR THE WHOLE WINTER. SHE WANTS TO HAVE MANY MORE CHILDREN WITH ME AND THAT'S NOW ONE OF MY DREAMS TOO.BARBARA TAUGHT ME THAT MARIJUANA DOESN'T REALLY HURT ANYONE AND WE'LL BE
GROWING IT FOR OURSELVES AND TRADING IT WITH HER. FRIENDS FOR ALL THE COCAINE AND ECSTASY WE WANT. IN THE MEANTIME, WE'LL PRAY THAT SCIENCE WILL FIND A CURE FOR AIDS SO BARBARA CAN GET BETTER;SHE SURE DESERVES IT!!DON'T WORRY DAD, I'M 15 YEARS OLD NOW AND I KNOW HOW TO TAKE CARE OF MYSELF.SOMEDAY I'M SURE WE'LL BE BACK TO VISIT SO YOU CAN GET TO KNOW YOUR GRANDCHILDREN.

YOUR SON,
SAM

P.S. DAD, NONE OF THIS IS TRUE. I'M OVER AT THE NEIGHBOR'S HOUSE. I JUST WANTED TO REMIND YOU THAT THERE ARE WORSE THINGS IN LIFE THAN MY REPORT CARD THAT'S IN MY DESK CENTER DRAWER.

I LOVE YOU!
CALL WHEN IT'S SAFE FOR ME TO COME HOME.
Posted by: Makhelwana

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 04:24 PM

Bakithi

These are things people have actually said in court, word for word.

Q: What is your date of birth?
A: July fifteenth.
Q: What year?
A: Every year.

Q: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?
A: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.

Q: This myasthenia gravis-does it affect your memory at all?
A: Yes.
Q: And in what ways does it affect your memory?
A: I forget.
Q: You forget. Can you give us an example of something that you've
forgotten?

Q: How old is your son-the one living with you.
A: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.
Q: How long has he lived with you?
A: Forty-five years.

Q: What was the first thing your husband said to you when he woke that
morning?
A: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"
Q: And why did that upset you?
A: My name is Susan.

LAWYER: What did the tissue samples taken from the victim's vagina
show?
WITNESS: There were traces of semen.
LAWYER: Male semen?
WITNESS: That's the only kind I know of.

LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in New York?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Chicago?
WITNESS: I refuse to answer that question.
LAWYER: Did you ever sleep with him in Miami?
WITNESS: No.

LAWYER: So, after the anesthetic, when you came out of it, what did you
observe with respect to your scalp?
WITNESS: I didn't see my scalp the whole time I was in the hospital.
LAWYER: It was covered?
WITNESS: Yes. Bandaged.
LAWYER: Then, later on, what did you see?
WITNESS: I had a skin graft. My whole buttocks and leg were removed and
put
on top of my head.

LAWYER: On the morning of July 25th, did you walk from the farmhouse
down
the footpath to the cowshed?
WITNESS: I did.
LAWYER: And as a result, you passed within a few yards of the duck
pond?
WITNESS: I did.
LAWYER: And did you observe anything?
WITNESS: I did. (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: Well, could you tell the Court what you saw?
WITNESS: I saw George.
LAWYER: You saw George *******, the defendant in this case?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Can you tell the Court what George ******* was doing?
WITNESS: Yes. (Witness remains silent.)
LAWYER: Well, would you kindly do so?
WITNESS: He had his thing stuck into one of the ducks.
LAWYER: His "thing"?
WITNESS: You know... His thing. His di... I mean, his penis.
LAWYER: You passed close by the duck pond, the light was good, you
were sober, you have good eyesight, and you saw this clearly?
WITNESS: Yes.
LAWYER: Did you say anything to him?
WITNESS: Of course I did!
LAWYER: What did you say to him?
WITNESS: "Morning, George."

Mr. Smith, I have reviewed this case very carefully," the divorce
court judge said, "and I've decided to give your wife ?275 a week."

"That's very fair, your honour," the husband said. "And every now
and then I'll try to send her a few bucks myself."


----------------------------------------------
Get Rich Quick or ..Die Trying..Be Warned.
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 06:51 PM

<img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
ezandleni kini lonke ha ha lize langilavukisa ngohleko liyazi ha ha manje so asaziiiii lingenzi so mani imbambo zami bantu hk hk
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 06:57 PM

mina ngihleke ngaze ngaphosa ngenza okunye gagisa uyazi so kuhle ukuhlanganela lomthwakazi omuhle ha ha ha
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 09:52 PM

country for sale. needs minor touch ups. 1980 model and one owner since new. any offers!!!
Posted by: Makhelwana

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 10:54 PM

Bakithi,

Little Johnny greeted his mother at the door after she had been out of town all week and said, "Mommy, guess what? Yesterday, I was playing in the closet in your bedroom and Daddy came into the room with the lady from next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and then Daddy got on top of her and..."

The mother held up her hand and said, "Not another word! Wait until your father gets home and then I want you to tell him exactly what you've just told me."

The father comes home and the wife tells him that she's leaving him. "But why?" croaks the husband.

"Go ahead, Johnny, tell Daddy just what you told me."

"Well," said little Johnny, "I was playing in your closet and Daddy came upstairs with the lady next door and they got undressed and they got into bed and Daddy got on top of her and they did just what you did, Mommy, with Uncle Bob."


--------------------------------------------

Get Rich Quick..or Die Trying..Be Warned.
Posted by: Makhelwana

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/25/06 10:55 PM

Bakithi,

Fred and Mary get married but can't afford a honeymoon, so they go back to mom and dads for the night. In the morning, little Johnny gets up and has his breakfast. As he is going out of the door to go to school, he asks his mum if Fred and Mary are up yet.

She replies, "No".

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think? "

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Just go to school."

Johnny comes home for lunch and asks his mom, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

She replies, "No."

Johnny says, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "Never mind what you think! Eat your lunch and go back to school."

After school, he comes home and asks, "Is Fred and Mary up yet?"

His mom says, "No."

Johnny asks, "Do you know what I think?"

His mom replies, "OK! What do you think?"

He says, "Well, last night Fred knocked on my door and asked for Vaseline. I think I gave him my airoplane glue."

----------------------------------------------

Get Rich Quick..or Die Trying..Be Warned.
Posted by: Sikhukhukazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/28/06 03:39 PM

Qoki bakwethu, Kunzima lapha ekhaya ziyephuka sibili imbambo. Akelithi ngizame ukuthi ngephule lami imbambo zenu.

This guy almost gets caught with someone's wife. He runs away naked. He gets home and tells his wife that he has been mugged. Umfazi wathi "otsotsi bemagwegwe ngiyabesaba! bakukhumul'mpahla bakugqokisa icondom!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/28/06 04:10 PM

He he he Fika kuhle Mama wezingane. Sifukamele usikhudumeze Mama ungasephuli imbanjana lezi esezaqhotshwa ngama khanka alaphe khaya hk hk <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />

Kwakuthiwa ngubani isibongo lubaba oligwala kangaka hk hk
Posted by: Sikhukhukazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/28/06 04:57 PM

Dade Mabila

Ngiyabonga ukungamukela kwakho bakithi, lami ngiyasidinga isibongo salubaba ngingasithola ngizakwazisa. Engabigwala so hk hk
Posted by: Sikhukhukazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/28/06 04:58 PM

phepha dade bengizama ukuthi engabili gwala so.
Posted by: Makhelwana

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/28/06 05:52 PM

Bakithi,

Beer Vs Pussy

1 Beer is always wet. Pussy needs a little work. - One point to BEER

2. Warm beer tastes awful. - One point to Pussy

3. A really cold beer is satisfying. - One point to BEER

4. If after taking a swig of your favorite beer you find a hair between
your
teeth, you may vomit. - One point to Pussy

5. Ten beers in one night and you can't drive home. Ten Pussies in one
night
and you don't want to drive anywhere. - One point to Pussy

6. If you have a lot of beer in a public place, your reputation may
suffer.
If you eat any Pussy in public, you become a legend. - One point to
Pussy

7 If a cop stops you and you smell of beer you may get arrested. If you
smell of Pussy he may buy you a beer. - One point to Pussy

8. You normally don't find old beer. - One point to BEER

9. Too much beer and you'll think you see flying saucers. Too much
Pussy and
you'll think you've seen God. - One point to PUSSY

10. In most countries there's a tax on beer. - One point to PUSSY

11. If you have another beer the first one never gets pissed off - One
point
to BEER

12. You can always be sure if you're the first one to open a bottle or
can. - One point to BEER

13. If you shake beer it'll get all agitated but it eventually it
settles
down. - One point to BEER

14. You always know how much beer is going to cost - One point to BEER

15. Beer doesn't have a mother - One point to BEER

16. Beer never expects to be hugged for half an hour after you've drank
it -
One point to BEER

FINAL SCORE: BEER 9
PUSSY 7

That's it! The matter is settled, the clear winner is: BEER


------------------------------------------------
Get Rich Quick...or Die Trying..Be Warned.
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 01:27 AM

There was an old priest who got sick of all the people
in his parish confessing to adultery.One sunday,in the
pulpit,he said."if l hear one more person confess to
adultery,l'll quit"Well.everyone liked him,so they
came up with a code word.Someone who had committed
adultery would say instead that they had fallen.This
seemed to satisfy the old priest and things went well
until the priest passed away at a ripe age.A few days
after the new priest arrived,he visited the mayor of
the town very concerned."Mayor,you have to do
something about the sidewalks in town.When people come
into the confessional,they keep telling me they've
fallen."The Mayor started to laugh,realising that no
one had told the new priest about the code
word.But,before he could explain,the priest shook an
accusing finger at him and shouted,"l don't know what
you are laughing about,because your wife has fallen
three times this week
Posted by: joskeyi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 04:39 AM

One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?"
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 07:28 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by joskeyi:
<strong> One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kulendoda obedlelaw umfazi ngumasawa umakhelwane esazi kodwa ingamjabulisi into yakhona.
Umakhelwane wayelokwesaba ukutshela le ndoda ngoba yayimthanda unkosikazi wakhe, kwathi nglinye ilanga waqunga isibindi wayitshela le ndoda, yethuka kodwa yangathembi. bathembisana lomakhelwane ukuthi indoda izaphuma ngelanga elilandela umasawa engafika umakhelwane uzayibiza le ndoda la ezobe icatshe khona. Wafika umasawa njengenjayelo phela wangena endlini. Umakhelwane wayibiza le ndoda la ecatshe khona yangena endlini izonde igane unwabu. Ma ifika yabathola besendlini yokulala umasawa ihovarosi iyehlile isezinyaweni unkosikazi esembhedeni.
Wethuka umasawa wezwakala ethi ma unganginiki imali yami ngiyakakela khona la. Ngoba indoda ivele imthanda unkosikazi wakhe yabuza ukuthi kwenzakalani endlini. Waphendula unkosikazi ezisiza laye phela wathi" ngakweleda amalacto amakhulu amathathu manje imali kangilayo useti uzakakela khona la ngoba lawe nje umzwile"
Ngothando phela indoda yabhadala imali yamalacto amathathu waxolisa kumasawa ukuthi imali isiphume ngoba esefuna ukukakela endlini yena ubengazi ukuthi kulesikwelede.
Waphuma umasawa ezondile ngoba kasadlanga.
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 07:32 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by joskeyi:
<strong> One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kulendoda ebe idlelawa umfazi ngumasawa, umakhelwane esazi kodwa ingamjabulisi into yakhona.
Umakhelwane wayelokwesaba ukutshela le ndoda ngoba yayimthanda unkosikazi wakhe, kwathi nglinye ilanga waqunga isibindi wayitshela le ndoda, yethuka kodwa yangathembi.
bathembisana lomakhelwane ukuthi indoda izaphuma ngelanga elilandela umasawa engafika umakhelwane
uzayibiza le ndoda la ezobe icatshe khona.

Wafika umasawa njengenjayelo phela wangena endlini. Umakhelwane wayibiza le ndoda la ecatshe khona yangena endlini izonde igane unwabu. Ma ifika yabathola besendlini yokulala umasawa ihovarosi iyehlile isezinyaweni unkosikazi esembhedeni.

Wethuka umasawa wezwakala ethi ma unganginiki imali yami ngiyakakela khona la. Ngoba indoda ivele imthanda unkosikazi wakhe yabuza ukuthi kwenzakalani endlini.
Waphendula unkosikazi ezisiza laye phela wathi" ngakweleda amalacto amakhulu amathathu manje imali kangilayo useti uzakakela khona la ngoba lawe nje umzwile"
Ngothando phela indoda yabhadala imali yamalacto amathathu waxolisa kumasawa ukuthi imali isiphume ngoba esefuna ukukakela endlini yena ubengazi ukuthi kulesikwelede.
Waphuma umasawa ezondile ngoba kasadlanga.
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 07:33 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by joskeyi:
<strong> One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kulendoda ebe idlelawa umfazi ngumasawa, umakhelwane esazi kodwa ingamjabulisi into yakhona.
Umakhelwane wayelokwesaba ukutshela le ndoda ngoba yayimthanda unkosikazi wayo, kwathi ngelinye ilanga waqunga isibindi wayitshela le ndoda, yethuka kodwa yangathembi.
bathembisana lomakhelwane ukuthi indoda izaphuma ngelanga elilandela umasawa engafika umakhelwane
uzayibiza le ndoda la ezobe icatshe khona.

Wafika umasawa njengenjayelo phela wangena endlini. Umakhelwane wayibiza le ndoda la ecatshe khona yangena endlini izonde igane unwabu. Ma ifika yabathola besendlini yokulala umasawa ihovarosi iyehlile isezinyaweni unkosikazi esembhedeni.

Wethuka umasawa wezwakala ethi ma unganginiki imali yami ngiyakakela khona la. Ngoba indoda ivele imthanda unkosikazi wakhe yabuza ukuthi kwenzakalani endlini.
Waphendula unkosikazi ezisiza laye phela wathi" ngakweleda amalacto amakhulu amathathu manje imali kangilayo useti uzakakela khona la ngoba lawe nje umzwile"
Ngothando phela indoda yabhadala imali yamalacto amathathu waxolisa kumasawa ukuthi imali isiphume ngoba esefuna ukukakela endlini yena ubengazi ukuthi kulesikwelede.
Waphuma umasawa ezondile ngoba kasadlanga.
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 07:36 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by joskeyi:
<strong> One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kulendoda ebe idlelawa umfazi ngumasawa, umakhelwane esazi kodwa ingamjabulisi into yakhona.
Umakhelwane wayelokwesaba ukutshela le ndoda ngoba yayimthanda unkosikazi wayo, kwathi ngelinye ilanga waqunga isibindi wayitshela le ndoda, yethuka kodwa yangathembi.
bathembisana lomakhelwane ukuthi indoda izaphuma ngelanga elilandela umasawa engafika umakhelwane
uzayibiza le ndoda la ezobe icatshe khona.

Wafika umasawa njengenjayelo phela wangena endlini. Umakhelwane wayibiza le ndoda la ecatshe khona, yangena endlini izonde igane unwabu. Ma ifika yabathola besendlini yokulala umasawa ihovarosi iyehlile isezinyaweni unkosikazi esembhedeni.

Wethuka umasawa wezwakala ethi ma unganginiki imali yami ngiyakakela khona la. Ngoba indoda ivele imthanda unkosikazi wakhe yabuza ukuthi kwenzakalani endlini.
Waphendula unkosikazi ezisiza laye phela wathi" ngakweleda amalacto amakhulu amathathu manje imali kangilayo useti uzakakela khona la ngoba lawe nje umzwile"
Ngothando phela indoda yabhadala imali yamalacto amathathu waxolisa kumasawa ukuthi imali isiphume ngoba esefuna ukukakela endlini yena ubengazi ukuthi kulesikwelede.
Waphuma umasawa ezondile ngoba kasadlanga.
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/29/06 10:03 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Ndodemnyama:
<strong> </font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by joskeyi:
<strong> One day a little boy woke up and sat down at the table expecting breakfast. However, his mother says, "You don't get any breakfast until you do your chores."

---

A little pissed off, the boy goes out to do his chores. When he goes to milk the cow, he kicks it. When he goes to get eggs he kicks a chicken, and when he goes to feed the pigs, he kicks a pig.

When the little boy sits down his mother gives him a bowl of dry cereal. "Where is the bacon, eggs and milk?" asks the little boy. His mother replies, "I saw you kick the cow, so you don't get any milk; I saw you kick a chicken so you don't get eggs; and I saw you kick a pig so you don't get any bacon!"

Just as she finishes saying this, the boy's father comes down the stairs and kicks the cat. The little boy looks up at his mother and asks, "Do you want to tell him, or should I?" </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Kulendoda ebe idlelawa umfazi ngumasawa, umakhelwane esazi kodwa ingamjabulisi into yakhona.
Umakhelwane wayelokwesaba ukutshela le ndoda ngoba yayimthanda unkosikazi wayo, kwathi ngelinye ilanga waqunga isibindi wayitshela le ndoda, yethuka kodwa yangathembi.
bathembisana lomakhelwane ukuthi indoda izaphuma ngelanga elilandela umasawa engafika umakhelwane
uzayibiza le ndoda la ezobe icatshe khona.

Wafika umasawa njengenjayelo phela wangena endlini. Umakhelwane wayibiza le ndoda la ecatshe khona, yangena endlini izonde igane unwabu. Ma ifika yabathola besendlini yokulala umasawa ihovarosi iyehlile isezinyaweni unkosikazi esembhedeni.

Wethuka umasawa wezwakala ethi ma unganginiki imali yami ngiyakakela khona la. Ngoba indoda ivele imthanda unkosikazi wakhe yabuza ukuthi kwenzakalani endlini.
Waphendula unkosikazi ezisiza laye phela wathi" ngakweleda amalacto amakhulu amathathu manje imali kangilayo useti uzakakela khona la ngoba lawe nje umzwile"
Ngothando phela indoda yabhadala imali yamalacto amathathu waxolisa kumasawa ukuthi imali isiphume ngoba esefuna ukukakela endlini yena ubengazi ukuthi kulesikwelede.
Waphuma umasawa ezondile ngoba kasadlanga. </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Umantshingelane waysebenza ishift yebusuku intombi yakhe isebenza ekuseni. Ubethi ma efika ekuseni acele phela "igoliyathi" intombi ithi cha ndoda sengigezile ngiya emsebenzini.

Kwenzeka iviki lonke waze wathola ilanga lokuphumula ngenhlanhla lentombi yayingasebenzi. Itswayi lalihlasele kumantshingelane, wathi ma efika endlini wayicela, intombi yathi lutho ikhathele yona. Undoda wasola waphumisela wathi ukutsho ukuthi uyathola ebusuku ma mina ngisemsebenzini ngoba awufuni kunginika igoliyathi "ngcono ngiyelithenga:

Wathi ma eqeda kuphuma wahlangana lomngane wentombi yakhe wambuza ukuthi uyaphi egalali,wamtshela ukuthi idlela ilubhekisephi. Ngomusa umngane wathi woza ngapha ngiyakwehlisela R20 ngale kuyadula R50. Yajabula indoda yathi okulihlandla yaphindela endlini

Wathi ma efika intombi yakhe yabuza awutolanga yini waphenduka masinya kangaka, yaphendula yamtshela la alithole khona ngemali encane. Yaphendula intombi yathi"Uyahlanya igani mina indoda yakhe angiyibhadalisi lutho sengisiya thatha imali yami" etsho ephuma engubeni esiya kumngane wakhe.
Yaphelelwa ngamagama indoda yabona ukuthi intombi iyathola ma yena entshingel ebusuku ma yona ilambile intombi isuke isuthi <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> .
Posted by: Sikhukhukazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/31/06 07:14 PM

Ndodemnyama

Yeyi waze wangichaza, kunzima shuwa.
Posted by: makhalenkukhwini

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/31/06 11:05 PM

How do you know Santa's a man? Cos he turns up late, eats your food , drinks your booze, empties his sak, only comes once, then fucks off before you wake up!
Posted by: makhalenkukhwini

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/31/06 11:11 PM

A man donates blood for his wife, later they have a fight and he demands his blood back. She throws a used pad at him saying i will be paying you in monthly instalments!!
Posted by: Sikhukhukazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/01/06 12:23 AM

Eitha Makhalenkukhwini, wena nya. Yeyi ungasephul'mbambo so. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/01/06 12:49 AM

lina bantu liyangi GEGEDEKISA NGOHLEKO liyazi ha ha imbambo zeyiphuka feya la ha ha ha
Posted by: BhudiMathawuzeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/16/06 12:19 AM

heyi bantu liyazi indaba lezi zokuthatheka ngesikhiwa abantu bengafika emazweni
omunye u sisi wayezama ukumbuluzela omunye utshomi wath''' sorry bhudi mina i'm a vargina'' ezami ukuthi sorry bhudi i'm a virgin.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/16/06 03:02 PM

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so ...

This old couple is ready to go to sleep so the old man lays on the bed but the old woman lays on the floor.
The old man asks, ''''Why are you going to sleep on the floor?''''

The old woman says, "Because I want to feel something hard for a change."
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/16/06 03:07 PM

Men vs. Women: Round 1



MONEY

A man will pay $2 for a $1 item he wants.

A woman will pay $1 for a $2 item that she doesn't want.

BATHROOMS

A man has six items in his bathroom: a toothbrush, shaving cream, razor, a bar of soap, and a towel from the Holiday Inn.

The average number of items in the typical woman's bathroom is 337. A man would not be able to identify most of these items.

ARGUMENTS

A woman has the last word in any argument.

Anything a man says after that is the beginning of a new argument.

FUTURE

A woman worries about the future until she gets a husband.

A man never worries about the future until he gets a wife.

MARRIAGE

A woman marries a man expecting he will change, but he doesn't.

A man marries a woman expecting that she won't change and she does.

DRESSING UP

A woman will dress up to go shopping, water the plants, empty the garbage, answer the phone, read a book, and get the mail.

A man will dress up for weddings and funerals.

NATURAL

Men wake up as good-looking as they went to bed.

Women somehow deteriorate during the night.
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/23/06 07:22 PM

Man says to wife 'the economy is so bad sokufanele ufunde ukupheka so i can fire the maid; 'kuhle baba u must also learn how to fck sibesesixotsha uphiri<gardner> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: NTSHONTSHO

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/24/06 05:53 AM

INHLAMBA ANGIZIFUNI MINA,ANGIKAFUNI UKUXHWALA,HK HK HK,U PHIRI KULOKUTHI ATHELELE AMALUBA YENA UZITHELELELA OKUNYE,HA HA NGAZE NGAHLEKA,YEYI MINA UMUNTU NGINGAMFAKA ISAGILA EQOLO AHHHHH. <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" /> <img border="0" alt="clap" title="" src="graemlins/yelclap.gif" />
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/27/06 10:37 AM

hhayi noma ungtshaye ngaphakathi....uphiri kwasekumele laye umsebenzi uphele haa haaa...........


Diploma
A grandmother was pushing her little grandchild around the shops in a pram. Each time she put something in the basket she said, "And here's something for you Diploma" and "there's something for you Diploma". And this carried on.

Eventually a bewildered shopper who'd heard all this finally asked: "Why do you keep calling your grandchild Diploma?"

The grandmother replied, "I sent my daughter to university and this is what she came home with!"
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/27/06 06:36 PM

a riddle

the
range
of
8
inches
long.

the functioning of which is
enjoyed
by
members
of
both
sexes.

is
usually found hung, dangling ready
loosely
for
instant
action.

it boasts of a clump of
little
hairy
things
at
one
end
and
small
hole at the other. in use, it
is
inserted,
almost
always
willingly, sometimes slowly,
sometimes
quickly,
into
a
warm,
fleshy, moist opening where
it
is
thrust
in
and
out
again
and again many times in
succession,
often
quickly
and
accompanied by squirming bodily movements.

anyone
found
listening in will most surely
recognize
the
rhythmic,
pulsing
sound, resulting from the
well
lubricated
movements

when
finally withdrawn, it leaves
behind
a
juicy,
frothy,
white
sticky
substance, some of which will
need
cleaning from
the
outer
surfaces of the opening and
some
of
from
long
glistening
shaft. after everything is

done
and
the
flowing
and
cleasing
liquids have ceased
emanating,
it
is
returned
to
its
freely
hanging state of rest, ready
yet
for
another
bit
of
action,
hopefully reaching its
bristling
climax
twice
or
three
times a
day, but often much less.
what am i?????????

as you may have already
guessed,
the
answer!
to
the
riddle
is
none other than your very own......

>>>>>>>
>>>>
>>>>>>>
>>>>>>

toothbrush

what were you
thinking?

you PERVERT!

send this message to ten of
your
most
perverted
friends
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/28/06 05:49 AM

Impendulo yakho ayisiyo Nomangqika. Utitsha uMabila uzakufakela u XXXXXX. Zama futhi! <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: filabusi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/01/06 08:05 AM

A penis says to his balls "Right lads get ready and I will take you to a party". The balls reply ;you fucking liar, you always go inside and leave us outside knocking;
Posted by: Cee Jay

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/01/06 02:06 PM

Never argue with a woman or try to explain, you will never win. Just use your brain like this guy.

A husband went on a night out with his friends. The wife is furious and tells the kids that when he comes back they should not open for him. At about 12 Midnight the guy comes and knocks, the wife tells him "hamba uyolala lapho ovela khona." The husband answers, "angizanga kuzolala, ngizolandi'mali. Izifebe zikuSPECIAL OFFER eHillrow. The wife opens the door and says "Fuseki uwuyindawo wena, ngenendlini ulale.
-----------------------------------------------

Uyahlekisa mthandazi
Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/02/06 10:13 PM

</font><blockquote><font size="1" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">quote:</font><hr /><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Originally posted by Mangethe:
<strong> Impendulo yakho ayisiyo Nomangqika. Utitsha uMabila uzakufakela u XXXXXX. Zama futhi! <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" /> </strong></font><hr /></blockquote><font size="2" face="Verdana, Helvetica, sans-serif">Mangethe unomona mthwakazi omuhle, mina uNomangqika ngibona ephendule kahle. bengibona kumfanele ukuthi ningamdleli umona bakaphiwe uZero X hayi u six x.

Dlala makhekhe uthe uzodlala. <img border="0" alt="[yay]" title="" src="graemlins/yay.gif" />
Posted by: Mangethe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/03/06 10:26 AM

Hayi ngizwile baba. Ngiyethemba next time uzatshaya konke.
Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/06/06 01:44 PM

SIBONANZELELA KAKHULU BAKITHI


An autopsy professor was giving an introductory lecture to a class of students. Standing over a corpse, he addressed the class.
"There are two things you need to make a career in medical forensics. First, you must have no fear."
Having said that, he shoved his finger up the corpse's anus and licked it.
"Now you must do the same." he told the class.

After a couple of minutes of uneasy silence, the class did as instructed.

"Second," the professor continued, "you must have an acute sense of observation. For instance, how many of you noticed that I put my middle finger up this man's anus, but licked my index finger?"
Posted by: ndabebanzi .

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/18/06 07:03 PM

An old man was on his deathbed. He wanted badly to take all his money with him. He called his priest, his doctor and his lawyer to his bedside. "Here's $30,000 cash to be held by each of you. I trust you to put this in my coffin when I die so I can take all my money with me." At the funeral, each man put an envelope in the coffin. Riding away in a limousine, the priest suddenly broke into tears and confessed that he had only put $20,000 into the envelope because he needed $10,000 for a new baptistery. "Well, since we're confiding in each other," said the doctor, "I only put $10,000 in the envelope because we needed a new machine at the hospital which cost $20,000." The lawyer was aghast. "I'm ashamed of both of you," he exclaimed. "I want it known that when I put my envelope in that coffin, it held my personal check for the full $30,000."________________________________________
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/18/06 08:52 PM

Indoda ishela intombi, yathi ilokhe iskhuluma indoda nanso induku isivuka. Yezwakala inoda isithi "lala wena mani ngisakuncengela ngapha" ikhululma nje ibambe vele induku ilokhe ivukile.
Posted by: Ndodemnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/18/06 09:02 PM

Indoda isebhasini, ihleli lomama esihlalweni sababili njalo ayimazi lo mama. Umama wayelengane encane njalo selokhe ikhale njalo ingathuli. waqala ukuyincelisa, indoda yathi ibona ibele lomama wengane yahala. Yaqala yadlalisa ingane yathi "ngiyakuthathela ingca-ngca yakho" itsho nje iyasondeza umlomo duze kwebele. Yaphinda futhi yathi "ngikuthathela ingca-ngca yokho" yatsho indoda ikhotha ibele lomama wengane.

------------------------------------------------- Bazozisola abangazabalazanga nengoMzorewa
Posted by: nobhutshuzwayo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 04/16/06 03:35 PM

This is a bricklayer's accident actual (verbatim) report, which was printed in the newsletter of the Australian equivalent of the Workers' Compensation board. This apparently is a true story.

Dear Sir
"I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block 3 of the accident report form. I put "poor planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation and I trust the following details will be sufficient.

I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six story building. When I completed my work, I found that I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs. Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley, which was attached to the side of the building on the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out and loaded the bricks into it.Then I went down and untied the rope, holding it tightly to ensure a slow descent of the bricks. You will note in Block 11 of the accident report form that I weigh 135lbs. Due to my surprise at being jerked off the ground so suddenly, I lost my presence of mind and forgot to let go of the rope Needless to say, I proceeded at a rapid rate up the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel which was now proceeding downward at an equal, impressive speed.

This explained the fractured skull, minor abrasions and the broken collar bone, as listed in section 3 of the accident report form.

Slowed only slightly, I continued my rapid ascent, not stopping until the fingers of my right hand were two knuckles deep into the pulley. Fortunately by this time I had regained my presence of mind and was able to hold tightly to the rope, in spite of eginning to experience a great deal of pain. At approximately the same time, however, the barrel of bricks hit the ground and the bottom fell out of the barrel. Now devoid of the weight of the bricks, that barrel weighed approximately 50 lbs. I refer you again to my weight.

As you can imagine, I began a rapid descent, down the side of the building. In the vicinity of the third floor, I met the barrel coming up. This accounts for the two fractured ankles, broken tooth and several lacerations of my legs and lower body. Here my luck began to change slightly. The encounter with the barrel seemed to slow me enough to lessen my injuries when I fell into the pile of bricks and fortunately only three vertebrae were cracked. I am sorry to report, however, as I lay there on the pile of bricks, in pain, unable to move, I again lost my composure and presence of mind and let go of the rope and I lay there watching the empty barrel begin its journey back down on to me, this explains the two broken legs.

I hope this answers your inquiry.
Posted by: Cocco

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 04/19/06 07:56 AM

hk hk kunzima
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/16/06 11:42 PM

HA HA HA QAMUKIYANI IMBANJANA ZAMI FEYA FEYA HK HK
Posted by: mabona

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/17/06 08:53 AM

How amazing is the vernecular language

Some guy speaking while travelling in a Kombie was heard answering his
mobile and said "hello, yes ISENDE, ye ISENDE phela, ye-e-e-e ngithe
ISENDE" EVERYONE WAS AMAZED IN THE KOMBIE, he was actually
acknowledging the caller's transmission that he wanted to send him a
messege so he was saying that he should send the messege.

STRANGE....

<img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" />
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/17/06 04:50 PM

A BOY'S PRAYER

> Our beer

> Which art in bottles

> Hallowed be thy booze

> Thy will be drunk

> At home as it is in the pub

> Give us each day our daily beverage

> And forgive us for drinking tea

> As we forgive those who drink Marval, Fresca and Coke

> And lead us not into churches

> But deliver us from meetings

> For mine is the bitter, the lager and the sex

> Forever and ever

> Amstel
Posted by: Golide8

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/17/06 04:57 PM

HE GIRL'S PRAYER

> Our Cash

> Which art on plastic cards

> Hallowed be thy name

> Thy Michelle Herbelin watch

> Thy Gucci handbag

> In Stuttafords

> As it is in Harolds

> Give us each day our Platinum Visa

> And forgive us our overdraft

> As we forgive those who stop our MasterCard

> And lead us not into Poundland

> And deliver us from Primark

> For thine is the Levi's, the Dior and the Armani

> For Chanel No.5 and Eternity

> Amex.
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/17/06 04:59 PM

"ISENDE" <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> Mabona, zephukile ngempela imbambo! <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yay.gif" alt="" />. Ngize ngibabone ogogo labomama ekombi sebeswele lokuthi bacatshe ngaphi! hk hk <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yelclap.gif" alt="" /> <img src="/ubbthreads/images/graemlins/yelclap.gif" alt="" />
Posted by: Nomangqika

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/17/06 06:08 PM

hk hk hk ezakho suphinda ijoke yami hk hk hk engiyi fake last week kumbambo ziyephuka part 1 (page 52) ubale hk hk uzangenzela okunye ha ha
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/06/06 04:44 PM

Dear Sir/Madam

I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 1 May in which for the
third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I Intend to reimburse you as soon as possible.
However, I bring to your attention that I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly whom I hasten to refund immediately. I hope that yours will come out shortly.
Sincerely Yours,
Ndlamadoda

PS: I have great regret in informing you that given the unceremonious tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.
Posted by: Z61m

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/21/07 04:26 PM

When Joe, a nice man married for over 50 years died, his wife, Myrtle was devastated.

A couple of months later, Myrtle also died. Once in heaven, Myrtle anxiously looked for Joe. Suddenly, behind a cloud, she could clearly see him. She ran towards him, calling his name: "Joe. darling..
am so glad to see you"

Joe said: "Hold your horses woman, and don't "darling" me. The deal was very clear!! "Until death do us part!"
Posted by: Meli Omuhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/22/07 10:59 AM

U Dube wayesengela inkomokazi esibayeni esilodaka, okuMandla okwakulinde ithole ngapha kwenkomokazi makuthi mehlosuka ngaphansi kwenkomokazi, ngaphansi kwesiganu kwabona nyakutshela isitho sikamnumzana sesiphume ngesikhala sebhulugwe sekungani sizakudla udaka. Kwazwakala okuMandla kusithi 'Idl'udaka baba'. Umuntu omdala wacabanga ukuthi umfana utsho inkonyane, kanti kawulaswazi' watsho ebuza, ngilalo. Itshaye mani. Kwakhothamela kwayitshaya ikhanda ngokwalo.Weqa umuntu omdala zacitheka iziganu waqonda ngekhaya. Uthe lanxa ebuzwa ngumama ukuba angabe etshaywe ngaphi, wathingokwehlisa izithukuthuku ethi, 'lapho othembekhona.
Posted by: BhunganiHadebe12

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/22/07 02:54 PM

Things are so bad back home, people now use the same soap for bathing, laundry and washing dishes. Akusamangalisi ukuhlangana lenzinza esitshwaleni
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/23/07 03:17 AM

BhunganiHadebe12

Bengithi le yindawo yokuzithokozisa as the name goes imbambo ziyephuka meaning Laugh till you can't laugh no more-uchazwa nje yi joke!Lokhu okubhale lapha akungenelani ngitsho leforum le.Why?because kakuhlekisi ngitsho,this is not funny at all-KUYADANISA!please find a different place for it.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/23/07 08:22 PM

A little boy got on the bus, sat next to a man reading a book, and noticed he had his collar on backwards. The little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man, who was a priest, said. " I am a Father."

The little boy replied. "My Daddy doesn't wear his collar like that."
The priest looked up from his book and answered . "I am the Father of many."

The boy said. "My Dad has 4 boys, 4 girls and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way!
The priest, getting impatient, said. "I am the Father of hundreds" and went back to reading his book.

The little boy sat quietly thinking for a while, then leaned over and said. ..
"Maybe you should wear a condom and your pants backwards instead of your collar. "
Posted by: Meli Omuhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/24/07 01:27 PM

Umnumzane owayeseluphele esengasaboni emehlweni kodwa inkosikazi yakhe yayingeyesincane, okwabobaba bakudala ababethatha lanxa umuntu esekhulile. Wezwa nca nca nca wamangala ukuba kungakuyini. Yewena Vusi,wezwakala ukhehla, yintoni le ethi nca nca nca njenge kati? Likati tata lityu'bisi. Athulise ukhehla, kubesekuba lephunga alijayeleke ukubakhona kuphela emacansini. Lena ke enuka njengenhlunu. Yiyo tata ndiyibethisa ngomoya.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/28/07 01:13 PM

I recently read that love is entirely a matter of chemistry.
That must be why my wife treats me like toxic waste.
David Bissonette

When a man steals your wife, there is no better revenge than to let him keep her.
Sacha Guitry

After marriage, husband and wife become two sides of a coin; they just can't face each other, but still they stay together.
Hemant Joshi

By all means marry. If you get a good wife, you'll be happy. If you get a bad one, you'll become a philosopher. Socrates

Woman inspires us to great things, and prevents us from achieving them.
Dumas

The great question... which I have not been able to answer... is, "What does a woman want?
Sigmund Freud

I had some words with my wife, and she had some paragraphs with me.
Anonymous

"Some people ask the secret of our long marriage. We take time to go to a restaurant two times a week. A little candlelight, dinner, soft music and dancing. She goes Tuesdays, I go Fridays."
Henny Youngman

"I don't worry about terrorism. I was married for two years."
Sam Kinison

"There's a way of transferring funds that is even faster than electronic banking. It's called marriage."
James Holt McGavran

"I've had bad luck with both my wives. The first one left me, and the second one didn't."
Patrick Murray

Two secrets to keep your marriage brimming
1. Whenever you're wrong, admit it,
2. Whenever you're right, shut up.
Nash

The most effective way to remember your wife's birthday is to forget it once...
Anonymous

You know what I did before I married? Anything I wanted to.
Henny Youngman

My wife and I were happy for twenty years. Then we met.
Rodney Dangerfield

A good wife always forgives her husband when she's wrong.
Milton Berle

Marriage is the only war where one sleeps with the enemy.
Anonymous

A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds: "Wife wanted". Next day he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing: "You can have mine."
Anonymous

First Guy (proudly): "My wife's an angel!"
Second Guy: "You're lucky, mine's still alive."
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/30/07 01:33 PM

Bafowethu.

A Pilot wrote a "Defect" for the Maintenance Engineers to fix: " Left tire almost needs replacement".

The Engineer wrote the answer in the Log Book, " Left tire almost replaced".

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Meli Omuhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/01/07 11:50 AM

mamazara mamazara, kutsho uMaseko umkhwenyana kababa. Umtwana sewubhotshire rapha. Hawu bakithi kakuzekwathiwa uyabhotsha umtwana, kutsho umamazala. Kuthiwa usephumele. Ho! mtwana sewuphumelele lapha mamazara, atshonjalo uMaseko.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/01/07 03:01 PM

One day a boy was chilling in the garden when he saw a hen getting
screwed
by 4 cocks, that same evening the same chicken was being served for
dinner.

The boy pushed away his plate with a disgust look on his face.... and
said: "Ningibuke kahle mina, angizidli izifebe" ....
Posted by: Z61m

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/01/07 03:51 PM

1. SOCIALISM: You have 2 cows and you give one to your neighbor.

2. COMMUNISM: You have 2 cows, the Government takes both and gives
you some milk.

3. FASCISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both and sells
you some milk.

4. NAZISM: You have 2 cows. The Government takes both and shoots you.

5. BUREAUCRATISM: You have 2 cows; the Government takes both,
shoots one, milks the other and throws the milk away...

6. TRADITIONAL CAPITALISM: You have two cows. You sell one and buy
a bull. Your herd multiplies, and the economy grows. You sell them and
retire on the income.

7. AN AMERICAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You sell one, and force
the other to produce the milk of four cows. Later, you hire a
consultant
to analyze why the cow dropped dead.

8. A FRENCH CORPORATION: You have two cows. You go on strike because
you
want three cows.

9. A JAPANESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You redesign them so they
are one-tenth the size of an ordinary cow and produce twenty times the
milk. You then create a clever cow cartoon image called Cowkimon and
market them World-Wide.

10. A GERMAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You reengineer them so
they
live for 100 years, eat once a month, and milk themselves.

11. AN ITALIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows, but you don't know where
they are. You break for lunch.

12. A RUSSIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You count them and
learn you have five cows. You count them again and learn you have 42
cows. You count them again and learn you have 2 cows. You stop counting
cows and open another bottle of vodka.

13. A SWISS CORPORATION: You have 5000 cows, none of which belong to
you; You charge others for storing them.

14. A CHINESE CORPORATION: You have two cows. You have 300 people
milking them. You claim full employment, high bovine productivity, and
arrest the newsman who reported the numbers.

15. AN INDIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You worship them.

16. A BRITISH CORPORATION: You have two cows. Both are mad.

17. A ZAMBIAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You call in investors to
look after them for you and wonder why they are not sharing the milk
with you

18. A ZIMBABWEAN CORPORATION: You have two cows. You eat both and blame
Blair.
Posted by: nkentshi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/12/07 02:31 PM

Originally Posted By: mninimuzi
KwakungolweSithathu emini

KwakungolweSithathu emini ngerisese ngizicashele ekhabetheni eklasini, ngibalekela uthish' uMzobe, kanti uzovele angene khona ekilasini ndini lelo.Phela umsebenzi wasekhaya bengingawenzanga.Kuthe kungakapholi maseko wayesengena njalo uthishelakazi Mdletshe, base bekhulumela phansi behleba ukuthi, kuzothi ngelantshi uma sekulungiselelwa umdlalo kanobhusthuzwayo owawuzobakhona ebaleni, bona baye estoreroom lapho kugcinwa khona izimpahla zesikole. Ngangisakwazi nokuphefumula phela ekhabetheni lelo,ngilalele uMzobe encenga ukuthi uMaMdletshe ake amhlephulele. Ngangicabanga phela ukuthi isinkwa lesi uMzobe ayekhuluma ngaso , kanti ngishaye phansi kwashunqa uthuli, Mzobe ndini lo wayezicelela imomozi nje,ngangilokhu ngizwa uhleko insinsitheka ingane yakwa Mdletshe. Bathi nje bephuma eklasini nami ngaphuma ngayongena estoreroom leso ngayozishutheka emva komnyango owawuncikiswe odongeni.Akuphelanga mizuzu emingaki zase zithelela izigilamkhuba, bangena wakhiya uMzobe wayese ekhipha isikhiye emnyango, maqede wakhumula usafari wawulengisa esipikilini somnyango engangicashe emva kwawo, lwangithi heqe uvulo nenjabulo kanyenkanye. Nembala uMzobe wamphulula kabili kathathu ezinqeni uMaMdletshe ngambona ekhumula izibuko zamehlo uMaMdletshe ezibekela ecale.Wamxhuma ulimi khona lapho, waze waphakamisa unyawo olulodwa uMiss Mdletshe. Basingathana bacisho bawa phansi kwazise nendawo yayincane bo estoreroom. Wathi ukuqhela kancane uMzobe walunguza, ngiyabona wayeqinisekisa ukuthi babengabonwa, engazi phela ukuthi ugalakajana oyimina wayebukela bukhoma umdlalo wabo lo. Kwabuya okunguMzobe kwamenyusa isiketi uMiss Mdletshe kwancoma idilozi ayelifakile elibomvu, wamamatheka into engapheli umisi. Wamcela ukuba adunuse abambelele kuwo kanye umnyango lo ngangicashe emva kwawo, waba eseguqa umfoka Mzobe esemkhotha ngemuva umisi.Waphefumulela phezulu umisi equmisa okwesiguli esisezinhlungwini esibhedlela, elokhu ethi "Hawe Mzobe kodwa wawukuphi sonke lesis'khathi".Waphakama lapho uMzobe wehlisa ibhukwe lakhe , webakithi! angizange ngiyibone mina into enje, wathi uma ehlisa isikhindi sangaphansi yaphuma ibhanyaza futhi ime mpo isimenyezela into emnyama tsu, iqhanse nemithambo.Mukhulu nawu umthondo, kwethuka mina ngizicashele ngaze ngaphathwa nayingwici.uMzobe wamqhweba umisi emkhombisa imbomboshe yomthondo wakhe, wake wama umisi ebuka isibhombolozi lesi ngambona ejuluka ikhala kuphela. Mina ngase ngifile ukuqhanyelwa, kwadilozi engangilifakile selimanzi te.Wayesembamba ngesandla ekhanda umisi emphushela ngakuwo belu umthondokazi. Wabuza umisi kuMzobe ukuthi enzeni manje, lapho uMzobe wayebhodlisa okwethole uma ekhuluma esemtshela ukuthi ancele phela umbelekazi lo ngomlomo.Wawuthinta sakuwuxwaya ngomunwe elokhu ehleka uhleko lomuntu othukile. Wawufaka emlomeni kwabakanye wakhwehlela waze wagonyuluka, okwathi kusuka uMzobe wathi kulungile akayeke. Ngabona lapho ukuthi uMzobe ulwazi lakhe alujulanga nje kwi Meks (izibalo phela) kodwa nakwezocansi uhamba yedwa uMzobe.Wamphindisela khona emnyango wami umisi emdunusisa, wamfaka umunwe ngemuva.Wakhala umisi ngahlekela ngaphakathi ngisho ngenhliziyo ukuthi uhlala esibhambabula ngenduku nje naye uyakhala kanti. Ngithe ngisathi nje ngishintsha imilenze yami ngoba ngase ngikhathele ukuma ngezwa ngomnyango ungiciphiza kakhulu, ngezwa futhi nomisi ekhala ethi "Hawe Ma, hawe Nkulunkulu wami". Ngalesokhathi uMzobe wayeseyiphonse phakathi imamba kumisi,efenda ngolukhulu udlame lolu, kwakunyakaza izinto kwaze kwawa namahalavu esikole ayencike odongeni, ngingasaphathi-ke okwami ngoba isicabha lesi sasithe ne kimi ngingasakwazi nokwenzani ngisho nokufaka umunwe lo ngoba isibumbu sami sasesiluma futhi sifutha kabi.Uyabhebha uMzobe , ngezwa kuqhuma usuzo, engingazanga ukuthi lalibuya kubani,ngahlekela ngaphakathi namaphaphu ami esebuhlungu nokubabuhlungu.Umisi wayesehema elokhu ethi "hawe Jesu uJerico wani, angisamfuni lothekwane". UMzobe yena wayebheke phezulu eZulwini ehline ebusweni wawungathi ugwinya amalangabi, lapho wayesenesishwapha owawungafunga ukuthi indlovu iyosithela, ethe ne emvakwa misi. Mina ngokuphelelwa umoya manje ngenxa yokuhleka nokucishizwa umnyango, ngagcina sengiveze ikhanda ecaleni komnyango, ngisithwe usafari kaMzobe kancane.Nami ingqondo yayibuye kubesengathi iyahamba ukuqhanyelwa,okuthe uma ngithi phapha ngabona uMzobe ethe njo kulesisikhala engangilunguze kuso. Ngambona ehlahla amehlo engibhekile okwathi emva kwesikhashana wagexezisa ikhanda sakuvuma, elokhu engibhekile kodwa eqhubekile nokubhebha. Ngase ngimhalela ngifisa ukuphuma nami angimangaze,ngoba kwa boy flend yami uMhlebeni kuzothatha isikhathi ukuthi afinyelele kuleliyazinga. Ngambona uthisa ngelanga elilandela wangibizela ecaleni,wathi ufuna ngiyoklina estoreroom ngolweSihlanu ntambama, ngifunde kwezami ukuthi usho ukuthini. Angisakwazi ukulinda.
Posted by: bongani

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/12/07 04:12 PM

Originally Posted By: BhunganiHadebe12
Things are so bad back home, people now use the same soap for bathing, laundry and washing dishes. Akusamangalisi ukuhlangana lenzinza esitshwaleni




this is so funny.....(the lady must stop playa hating)
Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/13/07 12:24 PM

I find it really funny as well, hk hk hk hk! laugh laugh laugh
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/13/07 09:48 PM

To : Employeee

From :Managment

Ref: Company Policy 2007

VERY IMPORTANT NOTICE TO ALL EMPLOYEES

New Policy: Effective from 08 May 2007


Dress Code
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary. If we see you wearing Prada shoes and carrying a Gucci bag, we assume you are doing well financially and therefore do not need a raise. If you dress poorly, you need to learn to manage your money better, so that you buy nicer clothes, and therefore you do not need a raise. If you dress just right, you are right where you need to be and therefore you do not need a raise.

Sick Days
We will no longer accept a doctors statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

Annual Leave Days
Each employee will receive 104 Annual Leave days a year. They are called Saturday & Sunday.

Toilet Use
Entirely too much time is being spent in the toilet. There is now a strict three-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, the stall door will open, and a picture will be taken.After your second offence, your picture will be posted on the company bulletin board under the Chronic offenders category. Anyone caught smiling in the picture will be sanctioned under the company's mental health policy.

Lunch Break
Skinny people get 30 minutes for lunch, as they need to eat more, so that they can look healthy. Normal size people get 15 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain their average figure. Chubby people get 5 minutes for lunch, because that's all the time needed.

Thanking you and best regards

Management


Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/14/07 05:39 AM

A family in Nigeria was puzzled when the coffin of their dead mother arrived from the USA , sent by their sister. The tiny corpse was so tightly squeezed inside the coffin that their mother's face was practically touching the glass cover. When they opened the coffin, they found a letter from their sister pinned to their mother's chest, which read:- Dearest brodas and sistos, I am sending you our moda's remains for burial de in Lagos . Sorry I couldn't come along as de expenses were so high. You will find inside de coffin, onda Mama's body, 12 can s of Libby's corn beef and 12 cans of Luncheon Meat.Just share it among yourselves.On Mama's feet is a brand-new pair of Reeboks (size 8)for Junior.De are four pairs of Reeboks onder Mama's head for Tunde's sons. Mama is wearing six Ralph Lauren T-shirts - one is for Omo Roy and de rest are my nephews.Mama is also wearing one dozen Wondo Bra (your favorite), just divide it >among yourselves. De 2 dozen Victor ia's Secret panties dat Mama is wearing should be distributed among my nieces and cousins.Underneat mama's body is 20 kgs of cocaine in satchets which is wort 120 million Naira. Dis should take care of all of you and de unborn babies in your bodies. Dont bury her wid all dis fortune.Mama is also wearing eight Docker pants - Ikeje, please get one for yourself and de rest are for de boys. De Swiss watch you asked for is on Mama's left wrist, please get it. Aunty Ifoma , Mama is wearing what you asked for ie ear rings, ring and necklace -please just get dem. Also, de six pairsof Chanel stockings dat Mama is wearing must be divided among the teen-age girls de. I hope dey like de color. Your loving sister, Nene PS: Plse take care of finding a dress for her burial since all i had dressed her in were your presents.
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/20/07 07:02 AM

SPORTS WRITER INTERVIEWING FOOTBALLERS
Here are a few excerpts from interviews with some of our most celebrated
footballing sons.

Siyabonga Nomvete

Interviewer : Siyabonga,you really seemed to enjoy the game...?

Nomvete : Yes the game was very much delicious

1) Memory Mucherahowa.
Interviewer: Memory how do you feel about scoring such a beautiful
goal?
Memory: I feel immediately!!!

2) Moses Chunga.
This was an interview to get to know more about the player after an extended period of rich form:
Interviewer: So Moses tell us about your family
Moses: I have one KIDS. I also have two brothers: There is
one in front of me and one behind me.

3) Cephas Chimedza.
This interview took place after a game that took place on Cephas's birthday.
Interviewer: Firstly, Cephas we would just like to wish you a happy birthday.
Cephas: Thank you, thank you, same to you. (Who knows maybe it was the
guy's birthday too)

4) Francis Chandida.
(a whole book can be written using amusing quotes from this player alone)
Interviewer: Francis you seem to have hit such a rich vein of form you also seem a lot fitter. What is your secret?
Francis: In the morning I get up and I run away.

5) Musareka Jenitala.
Interviewer:Musa you have just played an amazing game to help Dynamos win, where to from here.
Musa: I am going home.

6) Gift Lunga Jnr.
Interviewer: Gift, who do you think will host the 2010 soccer bid?
Gift: Emagumeni

7) Peter Ndlovu
Interviewer: Peter those were three beautiful babies you put away behind the net. How do you feel?
Peter: Aah I am so ashamed, I just don't like it when these woman tell the whole world.
Posted by: Noxie

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/22/07 11:56 AM

ha ha ugangile dades lol asazi
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/22/07 01:20 PM

Out of a bunch of millions of sperms, there was this one sperm named Matthew. Matthew was always trying to keep his fitness, jogging, lifting weights, and even swimming. And when his friends asked him why was he doing these things; he said "only one of us will meet the egg and make a baby, and I want to be that one when the time comes".

His friends would just laugh at him and pass.


The time for them to go out came and Matthew outran all of them (I'm talking millions of sperms) to the exit, as a matter of fact, there was a huge gap between Matthew and the rest. All of a sudden the other guys saw Matthew running back as fast as they have never seen him.

As he passed them to an opposite direction they asked, " Matthew why are you running back, didn't you say you wanted to be the one", and Matthew


breathlessly replied, "heh heh heh heh......Iyaskomora lenja"(this rubbish is masturbating)



Posted by: MaJamela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/22/07 01:51 PM

Hk hk hk hk laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh laugh
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/23/07 01:03 AM

A bus load of politicians were driving down a country road one
afternoon, when all of a sudden, the bus ran off the road and crashed into a tree in an old farmer's field.

Seeing what happened, the old farmer went over to investigate. He then proceeded to dig a hole and bury the politicians.

A few days later, the local sheriff came out, saw the crashed bus, and asked the old farmer,
'What happened here?'

'There's been an accident', replied the farmer. The bus passengers were all politicians. I buried them all.'

'Were they all dead?' asked the Sherrif.

The old farmer replied, 'Well, some of them said they weren't, but you know how them politicians lie, so I didn?t want to take chances.'


Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/23/07 01:09 AM

A husband and wife decided they needed to use "code" to indicate that they wanted to have sex without letting their children in on it. They decided on the word Typewriter. One day the husband told his five year old daughter,

"Go tell your mommy that daddy needs to type a letter". The child told her mother what her dad said, and her mom responded, "Tell your daddy that he can't type a letter right now cause there is a red ribbon in the typewriter."

The child went back to tell her father what mommy said. A few days later the mom told the daughter, "Tell daddy that he can type that letter now." The child told her father, returned to her mother and announced, "Daddy said never mind with the typewriter, he already wrote the letter by hand."
Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/23/07 07:40 PM

MARRIAGE

Before the marriage:

He: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.

She: Do you want me to leave?

He: NO! Don't even think about it.

She: Do you love me?

He: Of course!

She: Have you ever cheated on me?

He: NO! Why are you even asking?

She: Will you kiss me?

He: Yes!

She: Will you hit me?

He: No way! I'm not such kind of person!

She: Can I trust you?

He: Yes.

She : Dear !!

Now after the marriage you can read it from bottom to top !!!!

Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/23/07 07:48 PM

A CLASSIC AFFAIR

A married man was having an affair with his secretary.
One day they went to her place and made love all afternoon. Exhausted, they fell asleep and woke up at 8 PM. The man hurriedly dressed and told his lover to take his shoes outside and rub them in the grass and dirt. He put on his shoes and drove home.
"Where have you been?" his wife demanded.
"I can't lie to you," he replied, "I'm having an affair with my secretary. We had sex all afternoon."
"You lying bastard! You've been playing golf!"


Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/29/07 01:37 PM

Gambiza came home from the ebhawa late one Friday evening
stinking drunk,as heoften did, and crept into bed beside his umfazi wakhe who was already asleep.

He gave her a umqabuzo on the cheek and fell asleep.When he awoke he found a strange man standing at the end of his bed wearing a long flowing white robe.'Ungubai wena?' Demanded Gambiza, 'and what are you doing in mybedroom?'.

The mysterious Man answered, 'This isn't your bedroom and I'm St Peter'.Gambiza was stunned 'You mean I'm dead!!! That can't be, I have so much to live for, I haven't said goodbye to my
family....uyazi ngicela ungibuyisele emhlabeni ngokushesha.

St Peter replied 'Yes, you can be reincarnated but there is a catch.We can only send you back uyinja noma isikhukhukazi.'

Gambiza was devastated, but knowing there was a farm not far from his house,
he asked to be sent back as a hen. A flash of light later he was covered in
feathers and clucking around pecking the ground.

'This ain't so bad' he thought until he felt this
strange feeling welling up inside him.

The farmyard rooster strolled over and said, 'So you're the new hen, how
are you enjoying your first day here?'It's not so bad' replies Gambiza, 'but I have this
strange feeling inside like ngizodubuka.'You're ovulating' explained the rooster, 'don't tell me you've never laid an egg before'. 'Never' replies Colin 'Well just relax and let it
happen'

And so he did and after a few uncomfortable seconds later, an egg pops out
from under his tail. An immense feeling of relief swept over him and his emotions got the better of him as he experienced motherhood for the first time. When he laid his second egg, the feeling of happiness wasoverwhelming and he knew that being reincarnated as isikhukhukazi was the bestthing that ever happened to him...nomakanjani!!!

The joy kept coming and as he was just about to layhis third egg he felt
an enormous impama on the back of
his head and heard umfazi wakhe shouting

'Gambiza, vuka wena sidakwa, subhotshe waze waphinda la embhedeni,hawu nkosiyami,kambe yini ungabuyeki lobutshwala bakho Gambiza?'

Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/29/07 07:38 PM

Mr Schwartz

A mortician was working late one night.

He examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, about to be cremated, and made a startling discovery. Schwartz had the largest private part he had ever seen!

"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz," the mortician commented, "I can't allow you to be cremated with such an impressive private part. It must be saved for posterity."

So, he removed it, stuffed it into his briefcase, and took it home. "I have to show you something you won't believe," he said to his wife, opening his briefcase.

"Oh! no!!" the wife says, "Schwartz is dead?!?!"
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/04/07 01:13 PM

INTERNATIONAL THINKING
AT ITS BEST!
What is the truest definition of Globalization?
Answer: Princess Diana's death.
Question: How come?
Answer: An English princess
with an Egyptian boyfriend
crashes in a French tunnel,
driving a German car
with a Dutch engine,
driven by a Belgian who was drunk
on Scottish whisky, (check the bottle before you change the spelling)
followed closely by Italian Paparazzi,
on Japanese motorcycles;
treated by an American doctor,
using Brazilian medicines.
This is sent to you by an American,
using Bill Gate's technology,
and you're probably reading this on your computer,
that use Taiwanese chips,
and a Korean monitor,
assembled by Bangladeshi workers
in a Singapore plant,
transported by Indian lorry-drivers,
hijacked by Indonesians,
unloaded by Sicilian longshoremen,
and trucked to you by Mexican illegals.....
That, my friends, is Globalization
Posted by: masala

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/04/07 07:43 PM

Itsho, Mninimuzi ukuthi uwavukutha ngaphi amahlaya amnandi kanje! ikakhulu ekaMzobe lomaMdletshe? Sisize ngamanye singabulawa yisizungu. Kodwa phela ekaMzobe awusatshongo ukuthi laphetha ngani?
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/05/07 03:49 PM

BAKAMTHWAKAZI.
QAPHELANI UMKHUHLANI WENGCULAZI UMASHAYABHUQE.


ISAZISO SEMFA

UDonsani Malebe wazisa bonke abakoBolo,koMasende,labakoZibunu esiqintini sakoMbumbu ukuthi uZekani Mdidi kasekho, ufe izolo,ubulewe ligolo.

Yikho bantu,qaphelani,iyabulala iAIDS.
Posted by: mahlabezulu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/05/07 03:54 PM

Parents were having sex, kwabakhanda okuThandizinto
'Baba nomama lenzantoni?, kwabuza
Ngithela unyoko ifuel', kuphendula uyise.
'Kutsho ukuthi injini kamama iyadla ifuel, uPhiri umthelile izolo'.
Posted by: MaGae

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/07/07 01:25 AM

mmmmmmhhhhh MNINIMUZI phulizi ungasibulali so mani ngembambo jeki ha ha hayi ah
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/10/07 11:10 AM

IMFUNDISO IQALA EKHAYA

Case Study 1

uMistress uthi kubantwana beklasi:

"Bantwana for ihomework funeka nisho kubazali benu ukuba banenzise lezizibalo ezilandelayo." Zabhalwake ebhodini as usual

Next day....

Six year-old Sipho uyafika esikoleni engayenzanga ihomework.

uMistress abuze: "Sipho yini ungayenzanga ihomework?"

aphendule u Sipho athi:

"Uthe umama uyamdakelwa hambokunya akayena umistress yena. Kanti uqashelweni lapha esikolweni wena uma ezophinde afundise mina yena ekhaya. Uthe angisho ukuthi kuhola wena hhayi yena, wena yenza umsebenzi wakho uyeke ukudakelwa yena"



Case Study 2

uMuziwabantu esikoleni uluhlaza cwe. Uma ekhuluma nabanye abantwana usebenzisa amagama angenakubizwa la inkosi yenhlamba yenhlamba yodwa.

Abone umistress ukuthi okungcono akathumele incwadi ekhaya echazayo ukuthi uMuziwabantu uluhlaza eskoleni and akezwa uthuka ezinye izingane njalonjalo.

Ngakusasa

Uyafika umama kaMuziwabantu the following day , usefingqe iziketi kuvele namathangana ashwabene gulukudu eklasini uthisha uyafundisa athi:

" Heyi Muziwabantu uyahlanya la ekhanda mbumbu kanyoko, yini ndaba uthuka ezinye izingane nje? Ngiyabuza ulokhu uhlahlamehlo sengathi inkomo izohlatshwa. Ngizokunyathela entanyeni mina ubhoshe manje phambi kwalezingane ezigcwele la eklasini uyangizwa bolo loyihlo. Ngike ngiphinde nje ngizwe kuthiwa uke wathuka ezinye izingane, ngiyokubamba ngamasende lawa asethanda ukuba luhlaza ngikubuyisele egolweni la ngakukhipha khona!, sengiqedile ke thisha uyangazi mina angibhedelwa, angisombumbu le yami ehlale igxokogxwa wuyise ngomthondo. Ungitshele uma eke wabuye nje wathuka inhlamba"





Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/17/07 01:58 PM

Dear Mngani

Sengithi angibhale ngisho ukuthi ngahamba kahle ngafika la eGoli
kusakhanya. Kanti sisi iGoli lihle kanje? Ngathi kusezulwini, hhayi lento egcwele lapho kwaNongoma.
Ngivuke ke ngomsombuluko ngiyofesela umsebenzi le eSandton. Ngigqoke ke
ngibe muhle, ngifake leyangubo engayiphiwa nguAnti Rose.
Ngafika eSandton, ngisami nje emgwaqeni ukuthi izimoto zidlule, kuqhamuke islahla seBM, esibomvu esishayelwa elinye ishanda-pha, elinezifaca, egqoke econsa ubhuti wabantu. Ifike ime phambi kwami lemoto. Angibingelele lobhuti "Hello baby" , ngiqale ngibheke emacaleni ami ukuthi akukho muntuyini ngoba ngangingakholwa ukuthi ubingelela mina, hayi nami ngivume. Angiphe ilifti nami ngisho phakathi, kwazise phela angikaze ngigibele
islahla, ngijwayele lezonqoshi zalapho kwaNongoma..
Sixoxe size sivumelane ngokuthi uzoza la ngihlala khona ntambama.
Kushukuthi umuthi kaGubevu wase uqalile ukusebenza, wawungasangifuneli
umsebenzi kuphela, wawungitholela nomendo.
Nebala ke ifike intambama, ngizwe nje ngeSound sengathi kuzamazama umhlabakanti cha iradio yemoto yakhe.
Ehle emotweni, angishaye nge smile seColgate ngibone izinkanyezi, angiphe ihug, hhey O, iperfume! Ingishaye ngibedizi.
Singene emjondolo wami engawunikezwa umalume uZitha lo onamatekisi, cha
sithi ukuxoxa kancane bese esondela kimi, ngizwe kugxuma amathumbu
esiswini. Angibambe ngesinqandi, ikiss phela ngizwe ngiphelelwa amandla.
Wangikhisa ngamane ngaqhanyelwa same time! Ngezwa ubhontshisi wami
ufuquza.Wangikhumula ingubo yami ngesikhulu isineke lesi, wangiqabula umqala wehlela emabeleni ngezwa kuqhaqhazela umzimba.
Hhayi, azikhumule naye ubhuti lo isix pack ihlale obala, kumane kuthi
angimkhothe. Ephuphuzela uboya.Angiqabule futhi, ngizwe inkunzi yomthondo wakhe ingithinta ngivele ngishaywe uvalo.
Waqala wangifaka umunwe wagcwala inquza yami, kwazise phela ufit
loyamuntu, lapho sengikhalisa okomdlwane ugodola. Wangidlalisa umsunu
ngomunwe wakhe kwathi angihlanye, lapho ngimanzi te!
Ngimbrashe kancane.Ngayimosha phela ngokuthi ngibambe umthondo wakhe, ngawubamba wagcwala isandla, lapho ikhinqi licwebezela, phela usikiwe ijwabu umfo lo, uqhanse imithambo umthondo wakhe.
Ngathi ngiqinisa isandla wavela wachama unkabi lo, wayishaya inkihlinkihli yagcwala isandla sami. We O, ngavele ngaswela umgodi wokucasha. Wachanyiswa isandla sami.
Hhayi ke, axolise athi ingoba kade ayigcina. Nami ngikudlulise lokho,
phela muhle bo loyamuntu ukuthi angaba yiqhude.
Siqale phansi emva kwemzuzwana nje, angiqabule futhi, lapho ngiqhanyelwe
ngiyafa isibumbu siyashisa bhe !.Angibeke phansi on the floor, athi ufuna ukungenelisa kahle.Awufake umthondo wakhe ngizwe kukhona okuhlehlayo esinyeni sami. Futhi ngangithi ingquza yami iyadabuka we O.
Engakaqali nakufenda nje ngezwa kushisa isibumbu ekhalis' okweqhude ekuseni unkabi lo kanti useyachama futhi.Kwakuthi angife ukucasuka, yazi umuntu ungambuka uthembe nje kanti lutho.Lapho ngicasuke ngiyafa. Ngimsuse phezu kwami, angincenge ukuthi angimnikeenye ichance.Ngisukume ngiyothela ijuice ebandayo ekhishini ngibuye ngivule i TV ngibuke iSidingo.
Kwathi sesiphelile ngavele ngazehlisa, phela ukuqhanyelwa ungatholi lutho akumnandi. Ngaya kuye ngamkhisa wangavuka umthondo, sabe sisathe, lutho.Ngavele ngathi akalale ahambe ekuseni lapho nginyanye ngiyafa.
Kuthe phakathi kobusuku ngamvusa ngekhisi, ngimkhotha isifuba nezindlebe
ngezwa esephefumulela phezulu egquma.Wathi ugibela phezu kwami ngathi ngenhliziyo ungijwayela kabi qhude ndini msunu kanyoko. Ngagibela phezu kwakhe. Ngawufaka wonke umthondo wagcwala isibumbu sami.
Ngamufenda, ngamufendela emoneni nami ngijahe ukuchama wamane wachama
kuqala. Kwathi angimthuke ngonina kodwa ngathula, ngaqhubeka nokumfenda
ngazitshela ukuthi uzophuza ukungazi, angeke ngimyeke ngingakachami.
Ngafenda waze kwathi akakhale. Lapho umthondo ngiyezwa ukuthi kade
waziphelela amandla kodwa awukakaphumi engquza. Kwacishe kwahlangana ihora,lapho wayesengincenga ukuthi angimyeke. Ngaze ngachama!
Yazi O, labafanyana abahle ungababuka wethembe kanti lutho, badlisa
ngezimoto zabo nje kuphela ukubhebha lutho.Njengamanje ngizishaya nomantshingelane wangala eAlexandra. Akanamali akanamoto kodwa yena uyakwazi ukuyidla iwewe.
Hayi O, ngizokubona ngamaholidi kakhisimusi.
Sengicishe ngakhohlwa phela, ngawuthola umsebenzi wokuba uweta.

Khonza lapho ekhaya.
Yimi uSizakele
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/17/07 10:27 PM

BLACK MAN'S PRAYER

Oh Lord we humble ourselves to you this day and ask you to forgive us our sins, although we have none.

This is because it is not us who killed Jesus Christ, it was the whites. He was betrayed by white man,then sold Him to another white man who ordered that He be beaten.
It was the whites who even voted that He be crucified. The name of the betrayer was Judas Iscariot. We do not even have such names. We have the likes of NHLANHLA,MANDLA,VUSI,LEBOGANG,LIZWI,ZODWA,KAMAU,MUCHOKI, ODUOR,MULWA,GITAU,KIMANI,KALONZO,KIBAKI,KIPNGETICH,MOI, SIBUSISO,ZANELE,PHUKUILE, THANDI, FUNEKA, THEMBI, NONTYATYAMBO and DUMEZWENI.
So, we could not by anyway be involved in the crucification of our Lord. If you do not believe me You could even watch the movie `PASSION OF CHRIST`. There is no black man there. Please Lord, let the black man be rich and the white man work for him.

AMEN.
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/19/07 10:59 AM

mninimuzi uzabotshwa .. grin
Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/19/07 08:01 PM

Mninimuzi

siyabonga ndoda. you always keep them coming. this last one is funny, perhaps true as well, but a bit dry because it did not encourage the use of condoms. ngihle ngithathe leli i-chance to remind abantu to always condomize. uMgaxa singamhleka, simthethise, size simfisele ukuthi afe inhliziyo yakhe ilokhu itshaya, kodwa ingculaza kayihlekelwa.

just concerned, but let the humour continue
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/21/07 02:56 AM

Question-Do you write books?coz uma ungabhali kufuze ucabange ngakho.thanks for the posts Mninimuzi.
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/21/07 10:21 AM

HEIGHT OF POVERTY: Wife stiching husband's condom.

HEIGHT OF INNOCENCE: A girl applying clearsil 2 her nipples thinking they are pimples.

HEIGHT OF AMBITION: An ant climbing on the leg of elephant with a motive of rape.

HEIGHT OF UNEMPLOYMENT: A spider web found in a prostitute's xxxx

HEIGHT OF LAZINESS: Naked man sleeping on top of a naked woman expecting an earthquake to do the rest!



Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/21/07 10:23 AM

While attending a marriage seminar on communication, Godknows and his wife Patcensia listened to the instructor declare:

"It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."


He addressed the man: "For instance, gentleman, can you name your wife's favourite flower?"

Godknows leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "Self-Raising, hantsho?"


Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/21/07 10:28 AM

Ngeny'imin'umfundisi etshumayela:
"Umkrestu akufuzanga afane lenwele, Zithi nxa zisekhanda kuthiwe zinwele, zingaba selihlweni zibe zintshiya, ziphinde zibe zinkophe. Zingaba sesilevini besezisiba zindevu"
Wasethula umfundisi.
Ibandla lavungama
"Yehla lazo mfundisi!!!"
Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/21/07 09:58 PM

Gasela

manje wasumelani Gasela? lawe yehla lazo bo!
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/26/07 12:35 PM

Omama abathathu basemkambo,bahlezi amabheya,bathengisa amatamatisi.
Omunye ubaba; Heyi! ende liwachayile!
Omama bobathathu; Ye! Wona amnandi nxa ulolude.
Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/26/07 01:28 PM

Telephone conversation between Madiba and Gatsha

Madiba: Buthelezi unoshukela yekela ezepolitiki manje

Buthelezi : Uke wangikhotha wangizwa..? Mina lesikhathi ubuya ejele uyewangizwa ngithi unetswayi?..!!





Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/28/07 11:58 PM

Bafowethu.

A priest is driving along a very rough and rocky country road. He sees a hiker and offers him a lift. Along the way they hit a rock and one wheel falls off.

The Hiker says, "DAMN".
The priest says, "NO DONT SWEAR MY CHILD, SAY HAIL MARY".

Down the road they hit another rock and the two wheels fall off.

The Hiker says, "DAMN".
The priest says, " ITOLD YOU NOT TO SWEAR MY CHILD, SAY HAIL MARY".

Down the road they hit a pothole and all four wheels fall off.

"HAIL MARY" says the Hiker and all four wheels pop back into position.

"DAMN" Shouted the surprised priest.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/30/07 02:06 PM

3 mice in a pub having ingxoxo in general ukuthi ngubani olithafi,(TOUGH ONE). 1st mice says,'iam the hardest ,i go up to mouse traps rip the cheese out and as the bar comes down ngiyayivodloza 30 times ngiyijikele le!. 2nd mice says 'uyawumana,mina i get the poison crush it ibeyimpumpu ngiyibheme futhi.' 3rd mice finishes his drink gets up and walks to the door. 'uyaphi wena?' ask the other two. 'home',he replies.'ngileappointment yokuzeka umangoye namuhla ngo 4 oclock'
Posted by: bunandi kill me

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/31/07 01:22 PM

here's this guy sitting at a bar, just looking at his drink. He stays like that for half an hour. Then this big trouble-making truck driver steps next to him, takes the drink from the guy, and drinks it all down.

The poor man starts crying. The truck driver says: "Come on man, I was just joking. Here, I'll buy you another drink. I just can't stand to see a man crying."

"No, it's not that. This is the worst day of my life. First, I fall asleep, and I'm late to my office. My boss, outraged, fires me. When I leave the building, to go to my car, I find out it was stolen. The police say they can do nothing. I get a cab to return home, and when I leave it, I remember I left my wallet and credit cards there but the cab had already driven away. I go home, and when I get there, I find my wife in bed with the gardener. I leave home and come to this bar. And when I'm thinking about putting an end to my life, you show up and drink my poison . . ."
Posted by: Ingqwele

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 07/31/07 02:23 PM

For sure Poison kill him! Kant' usawadla amabele Bunandi?
Posted by: butholezwe

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/04/07 10:29 PM

BREAKING NEWS FROM MGODOYILAND!!!!

President Mugabe on ZBC today announced: No more supermarkets, no more butcheries and no more food imports until the NDEBELES learn to eat rats like other children.

From Mathandindaba imota yamaSwina
Posted by: Meli Omuhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/07/07 11:58 AM

Ngobugwala benu lobu mandetshu, uzalidlisa ubulongwe ngiqinisile umgabe. kwehluleka loyedwa nje ongathi heyi, akwaziwa kithi lokhu. yalani nje khona akutshoyo. nxa ehlanya kayohlanyela khonale esigundwaneni. Ngiqinisile ulenhlanhla ngoba wafica sebatshona abakwethu, oMashakada u Filimoni ka Myanga Dube emaguswini ngale eMqamula koPhilimon, kadebeyipheka ivuthiwe ngifunga uTiye owafela esinkweni.
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/07/07 01:21 PM

Letter to Bill Gate from Josefa Sinothimba

Dear Bilwu Getsi,

This letta iz from me Jozef Chinotimba, a Wo Vet of riberation wo yeZimbahwe . Wi has brought a computa for our house ende Wi found plobrems, witch I want to bringing to your notice.
1. Wi ah unebol to enter enything afta Wi click the "Shut Down" buttoni.
2. There iz a buttoni "Start" but there iz no "Stop" buttoni. Wi requestion you to cheque this.
3. Wi find there iz "Run" in the minyu. One of my friend iz clicked "Run" has run up to Muzarabani. So, wi requestion you to chengi that to "Sit", so that wi can click that buy sitting.
4. One doubt iz that eny "Re-Scooter" available in system? Ez I find only "Re-Cycle", but I own a scooter at my house.
5. There iz "Find" buttoni but it iz not working properly. My wife Raiza iz lost the dho kiyi ende wi tried a lot for tressing the kiyi with this 'Find', but unebol to tress. Is it a worked buttoni?
6. Everi night I am not sleeping ez I have to protect my "Mouse" from CAT, so I suggesting you to provide with one DOG to kiru that cat.
7. My child rearnt "Microsoft Word" now he wants to learn "Microsoft Sentence", so when will U provide that?

Yours loyal Sevant



Jozef Chinotimba, I am wo veterani, I died for this cantri



Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/21/07 09:39 PM

Bafowethu.

Ama Naira ayahlekisa shuwa.

One Nigerian has been detained by the US Immigration after being caught at JFK Airport claiming to be an IRAQI seeking Refugee status in the US. He had a fake IRAQI passport, and a fake IRAQI wife.

Li Zwangendaba.

Posted by: Muthwa Ncube

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/22/07 10:28 AM

Understanding Engineers - Take One:



Two engineering students were walking across campus

when one said, "Where did you get such a great bike?"



The second engineer replied, "Well, I was walking

along yesterday minding my own business when a

beautiful woman rode up on this bike. She threw the

bike to the ground, took off all her clothes and

said,"Take what you want!"



The second engineer nodded approvingly, "Good choice;

the clothes probably wouldn't have fit."



Understanding Engineers - Take Two:



To the optimist, the glass is half full...



To the pessimist, the glass is half empty...



To the engineer, the glass is twice as big as it needs to be.



Understanding Engineers - Take Three:



A pastor, a doctor and an engineer were waiting one

morning for a particularly slow group of golfers. The

engineer fumed, "What's with these guys? We must have

been waiting for 15 minutes!"



The doctor chimed in, "I don't know, but I've never

seen such ineptitude!"



The pastor said, "Hey, here comes the greens keeper.

Let's have a word with him." [dramatic pause] "Hi

George, say, what's with that group ahead of us?

They're rather slow, aren't they?"



The greens keeper replied, "Oh, yes, that's a group

of blind firefighters who lost their sight saving our

clubhouse from a fire last year, so we always let them

play for free anytime."



The group was silent for a moment. The pastor said,

"That's so sad. I think I will say a special prayer

for them tonight."



The doctor said, "Good idea. And I'm going to contact

my ophthalmologist buddy and see if there's anything

he can do for them."



The engineer said, "Why can't these guys play at night?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Four:



There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for

fixing all things mechanical. After serving his

company loyally for over 30 years, he happily

retired. Several years later the company contacted him

regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were

having with one of their multimillion dollar

machines. They had tried everything and everyone else

to get the machine to work but to no avail. In

desperation, they called on the retired engineer who

had solved so many of their problems in the past.



The engineer reluctantly took the challenge. He spent a day studying the

huge machine. At the end of the

day, he marked a small "x" in chalk on a particular

component of the machine and stated, "This is where

your problem is." The part was replaced and the

machine worked perfectly again.



The company received a bill for $50,000 from the

engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized

accounting of his charges.



The engineer responded briefly:



"One chalk mark...$1.00. Knowing where to put it...$49, 999.00."



It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.



Understanding Engineers - Take Five:



What is the difference between Mechanical Engineers

and Civil Engineers?



Mechanical Engineers build weapons,



Civil Engineers build targets.



Understanding Engineers - Take Six:



Three engineering students were gathered together

discussing the possible designers of the human body.

One said, "It was a mechanical engineer. Just look at

all the joints."



Another said, "No, it was an electrical engineer. The

nervous system has many thousands of electrical

connections."



The last said, "Actually it was a civil engineer. Who

else would run a toxic waste pipeline through a

recreational area?"



Understanding Engineers - Take Seven:



Normal people believe that "...if it ain't broke, don't fix it."



Engineers believe that: " ..if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough

features yet."

-Scott Adams, The Dilbert Principle



Understanding Engineers - Take Eight:



An architect, an artist and an engineer were

discussing whether it was better to spend time with

the wife or a mistress. The architect said he enjoyed

time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an

enduring relationship. The artist said he enjoyed

time with his mistress,because of the passion and

mystery he found there.



The engineer said, "I like both."



The others: "Both?"



Engineer: "Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress,

they will each assume you are spending time with the

other woman, and you can go to the lab and get some

work done."



Understanding Engineers - Take Nine:



An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog

called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn

into a beautiful princess." He bent over, picked up

the frog and put it in his pocket. The frog spoke up

again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back into

a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one

week." The engineer took the frog out of his pocket,

smiled at it and returned it to the pocket. The frog

then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back into

a princess, I'll stay with you and do ANYTHING you

want." Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at

it and put it back into his pocket. Finally, the frog

asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a

beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week

and do anything you want. Why
won't you kiss me?"



The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't

have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog, now

that's cool!"


Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/22/07 11:27 AM

A man pays a bitch $300,000,but the clever bitch disappears with the money before the act.The man puts an advert in Umthunywa newspaper,,'Lingabona isifazana esidezanyana esimnyama esiletsako lezibunu ezinkulu zekani ngibhadele'
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/04/07 03:30 PM

WHO TO DATE?

If you want a romantic poor guy date a VENDA guy

If you want true love and someone who will rather have Aids with you than leave you,
date a Ndebele guy from Pretoria, Mams or Pheli
If you want a man with a big d*ck like a R25.00 wors but doesn't know how to use it then date Shangaan men.
If you want a man who does not mind spending money on you get a Tswana man from Rustenburg.
If you want your son to be a taxi driver/que marshall then date a Zulu guy.
If you want your son/daugter to be a good attorney and a good liar then surely date a Xhosa man.
If you want to be in an abusive relatioship dont hesitate the road is simple go to Eldos' and date Coloured's.
If you want to spend most of the times craving for sex and getting it once in three weeks, date any Mzalwane guy.
If you don't want to run out of chili spices then surely date Indian men from Durban .
If you want your son to be stupid and expect the world not to notice it then date a Pedi guy from any place that starts with Ga-. (e.g. Ga-Mphahlele)
If you want to spend lots of money in your life and being listed on ITC then date an Afrikaner
If you want to stay with the stolen goods date a zimbabwean boy
If you want to date the african mafia date Nigerian boy
If you want to stay with a man who will leave you the whole weekend and come back when you ask he only says 'Angati' .. Go for a Swazi guy
Posted by: Makhetho

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/05/07 12:22 PM

Waze wangibulalisa ngembambo mninimuzi. Woza lazo mdala.
Posted by: masala

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/05/07 10:05 PM

Curiosity killed the cat! Mninimuzi what is your gender? Uhlala phesheya noma emNzansi? UnguZulu noma ungumNdebele?
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/06/07 11:23 AM

I am wary of revealing my gender because I am not sure what you want to accuse me of,,hahahah,,but i sense ukuthi you want to accuse me of a certain -ism.
Posted by: Mbulawa

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/19/07 08:01 AM



This is hilarious! Just download ulalele.
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/19/07 02:48 PM

isende sende indawo yonke imsg yakho... sende lamapholisa sende lamasotsha..
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 12:12 AM

Yeyeni Bandla! Ngawakobani lamagabazi?? This is gold!


Originally Posted By: Mbulawa
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 07:39 AM

Originally Posted By: Mbulawa


Mbulawa Sicela phela usithumezele some more of these guys Omkhula ngamabhoza....bangikhumbuza ko TM hyper nge sartuday emini.
Posted by: Mbulawa

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 08:44 AM

Originally Posted By: soweto
Originally Posted By: Mbulawa


Mbulawa Sicela phela usithumezele some more of these guys Omkhula ngamabhoza....bangikhumbuza ko TM hyper nge sartuday emini.


Ngizalizamela. I only have this one track, kunzima ukusenda amafiles amakhulu kuinternet from ekhaya, so abafana kuyabanzimela ukungisende-sendela nsuku zonke. It is gold indeed!
Posted by: soweto

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 10:32 AM

ungayithola eyinye sendela mapholisa sendelamasotsha isende sende indawo yonke..
Posted by: eLangeni

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 11:24 AM

lami ungisendele ukuthi ngikwazi ukusendela abalalekhitshini lemiganu.




Posted by: Mbulawa

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 01:37 PM

Indoda ethengisa ulude ifica omama abathengisa amatamatisi behlezi ibheya.

Ithi "Liwachayile bomama!?"

Omama bamphendule, "Ye, njengawe ololude ungakholisa okubi!"
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 02:51 PM

kill clap gpn gpn
Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/20/07 09:46 PM

Mninimuzi abakuyeke mfowethu ushaye khona , ngikunika u xa ngoba ubhuti lo wehluleka ukusebenza.
Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/23/07 05:20 PM

Mabila usaphila yini dade, eita eita eita eita eita eita eita eita eita ola ola ola ola ola ola ola ola ola ola ola clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap clap cry
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/23/07 11:47 PM

Mbulawa ungibulele,phinda njalo.uyazi eyeten years le okap ingithelele usizi ingiqumbaqumba sikhathi sinye.awubantu,awubantu!!!
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/24/07 03:13 PM

UMamazala uxabana noMakoti wakwakhe, kulengxabano. UMamazala wathi: " Uyabona uMduduzi ngumntanami, awusoze usihlukanise, lomfana uthi mina!! (esho ezishaya isifuba), uphuma la! Kimi" (manje usezishaya isisu).

UMakoti ediniwe ukuphikisana noMamazala. "Kulungile phela, waphuma kuwe KODWA manje ungena la kimi, (esho ezishaya ikuku) Qonda into eyi 1 akuphunywa manje, kuyangenwa".

Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/24/07 10:06 PM

Waze wakhohlakala lobhudi mani, yes, yes waze wakhohlakala njengento yomntwana mani.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/24/07 10:10 PM

Questions You Would Never Guess the Answers!!!


Q: What is the similarity between men and rats?
A: Both keep searching for new holes.


Q: What is the closest thing similar to a woman's period?
A: Your salary, it comes once a month lasts about 5- days and if
it
doesn't come, it means you are in big trouble.


Q: What's the difference between biology and sociology?
A: When the baby looks like his dad or mom, then it is biology.
When
the baby looks like the neighbor, then it is sociology.


Q: Doctor: You look so weak & exhausted. Are you having 3 meals a
day
as I have advised?
A: Lady: Doctor, I thought you said 3 males a day.


Q: Girl friend & boy friend go for a movie. In the dark, a
mosquito
enters the girl's skirt. Guess where it would have bitten?
A: The boy friend's hand.


Q: Tarzan and the animals went to the river to take a bath. Tarzan
removed his clothes.All the animals laughed. Tarzan asked "Why"?
A: The animals told him. Your tail is in front".

Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/25/07 02:32 PM

3 mice in a pub havin a bevvy discussion,whos' the hardest;
1st mouse:l'm the hardest l go up to the mousetraps,rip the cheese out and and as the bar comes down l bench press it 30 times and throw it across the room.
2nd mouse:you puff,l get the rat poison,crush it into powder and snort it.
(3rd mouse finishes his drink,gets up and walks to the door.)
2nd mouse: where are you going?
3rd mouse: to shag the cat.
Posted by: Potshoza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/07 03:54 AM


Kanti kengibuze bakwethu ngalezinkomo okuthiwa zile "blue tongue".

Do they also have bluetooth? grin
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/07 09:52 AM

Now ,this made me laugh okuzwayo Mabila.Omamazala bayahlupha kwesinye isikathi hey lina ...LOL!!
Posted by: Mbulawa

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/26/07 12:20 PM

to shag the cat! gpn

A boy caught his parents making love.
"Lenzani?" he asks,
"Sizama ukukwenzela umnawakho", the mother responds.

The next day he finds them doing a doggy style, looks at them for a while. Then inquisitively, "lamuhla lingenzela umdlwane yini?".

Posted by: Mhlabuhlangene

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/01/07 04:24 PM



Amadoda ayesebenza emayini eGoli. Aqale abuze
uMhlongo: "Madoda niyazi
nje ukuthi uyaphuma namhlanje ejele uMandela?" Avuma
amadoda ejabule,
kodwa azithulele nje uDlamini. Wathula Dlamini.
Awumazi yini
uMandela?"
kubuza uMhlongo. "Cha angimazi" kuphendula uDlamini.
"Niyahlupha
Dlamini, ngokungawabukeli amaTV, nilalele ama-radio nifunde
namaphephandaba, ukuze,nazi abantu." kuphawula uMhlongo. "Wena uyamazi

uMpabanga?" kubuza
uDlamini. "Cha, angimazi."kuphendula uMhlongo.
"Unakana namaTV namaphephandaba.Wazi bonke
abantu, abale kude nawe kodwa awuyazi indoda edla umkakho!!
Nxx!!".






Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/04/07 05:08 PM

A man was hitch hiking on a very dark night in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling by and there was hardly a car on the road. The storm was so strong that he could hardly see his feet in front of him. Suddenly a car came towards him and stopped. Without thinking, he got in and closed the door, just to realize that there was nobody behind the steering wheel. The car moved off slowly. He looked ahead and saw a curve in the road. Scared, he started praying, begging for his life. He was terrified. Just before hitting the curve a hand appeared through the window and turned the steering wheel. The man, now paralysed with fear, watched how the hand kept appearing every time they got to a curve. Gathering all his courage, he jumped out and ran to the nearest lights he could see. Wet and in shock, he went into a shebeen and asked for WATER. After drinking it, he told everyone of the horrible experience he just had. Everyone was silent when they realized he was crying. About half an hour later, two men came walking into the shebeen

and, on seeing the terrified man, the one said to the other, "Bheka, Mfowetu, that's the idiot that got into the car while we were pushing it".
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/12/07 03:05 PM

Kwathi ngelinye ilanga indoda ibuya emsebenzini ifika ekhaya ixoxela
uNkosikazi into eyenzeke emsebenzini,uNkosikazi wayewasha izitsha.....

Indoda: Uyazi namhlanje emsebenzini kube nengozi embi kabi.

Nkosikazi: Eyani?

Indoda: Bengigibele i lift ngiya ezansi, manje ngazizwa sengathi
Ngixinekile ngavele ngehla ngashiya laba abanye phakathi ngaphuthuma
endlini encane.

Nkosikazi: Kwase? Ungangitsheli ukuthi ilimaze abantu leyo
lift!!

Indoda: Bekuzoba ngcono ukube balimele, ivele yaphahlazeka bafa.

Nkosikazi: Hawu Smakade olungile isihluku esinje?

Indoda: Hhayi khona kubuhlungu, kodwa ke emsebenzini bathe bazonika
imindeni yalaba abashonelwe i R1 000 000 for umuntu oyedwa.

Nkosikazi: (esho
eqhaqhazela waphahlaza ne plate phansi) Uyazi
awunamahloni okungitshela, ubusehlelani nje kuleyo lift ? ubone
kungcono ukuthi wehle kunokuthi mina ngithole lemali, yazi waze
wangixaka, kusho ukuthi mina ngiyohlupheka ngize ngife !!! Sesingaze siphuthelwe imali engaka ngenxa yamasimba nje
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/13/07 03:57 PM

omunye umfazi wangena esitolo wathenga ipenti legwayi.wathi esetshayisa emtshineni imali yasilela(yashota).umfazi wathi "mkhwenyana khipha ipenti utshaye igwayi".
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/18/07 11:49 AM

A very loud, unattractive, hard-faced woman walks into Tesco with her two
kids in tow, screaming obscenities at them all the way through the entrance.
The door greeter says, "Good morning and welcome to Tesco, nice children
you've got there. Are they twins?"
The fat ugly woman stops screaming long enough to snarl: "Of course they
bloody aren't! The oldest is nine and the youngest is seven. Why the hell
would you think they're twins?..... Do you really think they look alike, you
d*ckhead?"
"Absolutely not," replies the greeter, "I just can't believe anyone would
shag you twice!"



Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/19/07 09:42 AM

Mninimuzi bakithi!
Posted by: Khanka

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/23/07 09:42 AM

In a Taxi to Jozi, a man was drinking beer and next to him was a mother

changing her daughter a nappy. She applied Vaseline and baby powder, the

man was watching and he said " THAT'S WHY KUKU E LE MONATE SO, LE E TSHELA

SPICE E SA LE NNYANE".

Posted by: sitshebo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/24/07 12:19 PM

hahahahahahaha..wangiqeda mfanekhaya
Posted by: sitshebo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/24/07 12:28 PM

wena uyangichaza hehehehehehehe
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/27/07 02:24 AM

Wife is dreaming in the middle of the night and suddenly shouts:" 'Up quickly! 'I said up! My husband is back. "
go! go! go! go!
Man gets up, jumps out of the window, hurts himself, and then realizes "Damn, I'm the husband!" Ngubani olecala?
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/28/07 05:50 AM

definately indoda ilecala lapha,ubalekani kanti vele?umama lo uyawumana nje in this dream.angithi it's a dream,what excuse does the man have ma sephuke unyawo ebalekel'umfazi wakhe? laugh
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/29/07 07:00 PM

UMthembu wayeselivini njengoba esebenza emayini eGoli, sekusondele
isinsuku
zakhe zokubuyela emuva wathola incwadi eposini ivela kumakhelwane
wakhe
uMkhize. Ifundeka kanje:

Mvelase, ngisize mfowethu, sengethembe wena, ngicela ungikhwelele
nomkami
uma usubuya elivini. Imali ngiyokubhadala uma ufika ngoba
sengikwethwesa
umsebenzi onzima kakhulu.(meaning, amgibeze eze naye eGoli).

Nebala athi angaqeda ukuyifunda, avele ashone khona kwamakhelwane,
uyamfica
umfazi uyacwebezela, muhle uyaconsa. Uma engena nje, makhelwana
ngilethe
nansi incwadi, ifunde bese ngenza njengokulotshiwe. Hhayi ke wavele
wathi
eqeda, wahleka yedwa unkosikazi emoyizela, wathi umyeni wami
uyangithanda,
esho ekhumula iphinifa, wakhombisa uMvelase esingakanani isibumbu,
hhayi ke
kwasho khona ukuthi naye vele kade ayemhalela kodwa ingekho indlela.
Angikaze ngikubone lokhuya kukhwelana, kwazise phela inkabi le, ihlala
eGoli
yafunda zonke izitayela zokulidla. Pho limnandi yini okungeyilo
elakho???
Hhayi ke kufike isikhathi sokuthi abuyele emuva uMthembu, isilima
somfazi
zimphathise incwadi yokubonga.

Myeni wami, ngiyabonga kakhulu Khabazela ngesipho ongiphe sona. Kanti
uhlale
ungibhebha ulele phezu kwami nje, uyazazi izitayela ezimnandi??? Waze
wangikhwela uMthembu, nawe uhlale uthi uyakwazi nje kodwa hhayi usele
kakhulu. Esho ngongakanani wona umthondo, odle ngokucwebezela,
wawufaka
kanye kwangathi ngiqala ngqa ukukhwelwa, hhayi locikicane wakho.
Ungisize
nje ungabuyi uze elivini uma usenalomthondo ovalwe yijwabu, nawe uye e
Khozini yokubhebha eHillbrow lapha okwafunda khona uMakhelwane, uze
alidle
ngolimi lwakhe, lapho ke ngivele ngachama ngoba bengiqala ukuthintwa
iphoyisa ngolimi. Ngicela ungisize bandla ngale kwalokho leligolo
lizokhwelwa uyena yedwa . Incwadi emgunyaza ukuthi angikhwele
ngayinika
induna, enye ngayifaka ebhokisini lami kwathi enye yagcinwa nguye.
Okuningi
ngiyokuxoxa uma usufikile kodwa bengedlulisa ukubonga.

Obongayo umkakho
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/06/07 11:41 PM

Bafowethu.

Hk hk hk hk, heeghh muna, wampulaya ntate. Lapha ungene enzikini yembambo zephuke mfowethu. Ngihleke amathambo aphose ehlukana lenyama.

_________________________________________________________________________________________

KHAZAMULA


Khazamula is a servant boy who every day drinks the wine of his Boss and puts water in the bottle to replace what he drank. But the Boss having suspicions on the quality of the wine, decides to buy pastis (a French wine that changes color if you add water). Khazamula as usual, takes a mouthful and adds water to replace what he drank. However, soon after he added water the
pastis became milky. When the Boss came back he noticed it, and was sure he had managed to nail Khazamula as a thief!!!

At that same moment Khazamula realized he was in trouble and decided to go into the kitchen.

The Boss said to his wife, "Cherished, you will see, Khazamula will be obliged to acknowledge '. Then the boss shouted: "Khazamula!". Khazamula answered: "Yes,Boss". "Who
drank my pastis?". No answer. The Boss reiterated his question: still no answer.

Then the Boss went to find Khazamula in the kitchen and said to him: "You insane or what? Why is it when I call you, you say "yes boss" but when I ask you a question you don't answer me? "

Khazamula retorted that "It is that boss, when you are in the kitchen there, you don't understand anything at all, except the name''.

Then to prove that Khazamula lies, the Boss says to him:
"You stay beside Madam, me I go in the kitchen, and you ask me a question'. Khazamula accepted. The Boss went in the kitchen and Khazamula shouted:

"Boss". He answered: "Yes, Khazamula". Khazamula continued: "Who goes at the maid's bedroom when the Madam is not there? ". No answer. Khazamula shouted again: "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?" No answer.

Third time; "Boss, I say who made the maid pregnant?" The Boss returns from the kitchen running and says "Khazamula: It is true, you are right, when one is in the kitchen, one does not hear anything, only the name.

___________________________________________________________________________________________

Li Zwangendaba
Posted by: omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/08/07 02:18 PM

Li,
Hayi wena ! waze wangiqeda impela bo! Eish mani!! You should be a stand up comedian and make yourself a fortune!!!

omnyama
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/07 07:11 AM

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that
she was out of credit, she instructed her son to use his own phone to pass
across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Junior has
called, he got back to Mommy to inform her that there was a lady that
picked up Daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching Dad on the
mobile.

She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing
him in the driveway; she rushed out and gave him a tight slap. Then she
slapped him again for good measure. People from the neighbourhood rushed
around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked
Junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called.

Junior said: ''The subscriber you have dialled is not available at moment. Please try again later''.
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/07 07:24 AM


One day I met a sweet gentleman and fell in love. When it became apparent that we would marry, I made the supreme sacrifice and gave up beans.

Some months later, on my birthday, my car broke down on the way home from work. Since I lived in the countryside I called my husband and told him that I would be late because I had to walk home. On my way, I passed by a small diner and the odour of baked beans was more than I could stand. With miles to walk, I figured that I would walk off any ill effects by the time I reached home, so I stopped at the diner and before I knew it, I had consumed three large orders of baked beans. All the way home, I made sure that I released ALL the gas.

Upon my arrival, my husband seemed excited to see me and exclaimed delightedly: "Darling I have a surprise for dinner tonight!"

He then blindfolded me and led me to my chair at the dinner table. I took a seat and just as he was about to remove my blindfold, the telephone rang. He made me promise not to touch the blindfold until he returned and went
to answer the call.

The baked beans I had consumed were still affecting me and the pressure was becoming most unbearable, so while my husband was out of the room I seized the opportunity, shifted my weight to one leg and let one go. It was not only loud, but it smelled like a fertilizer truck running over a skunk in front of a pulpwood mill. I took my napkin from my lap and fanned the air around me vigorously.

Then, shifting to the other cheek, I ripped off three more. The stink was worse than cooked cabbage!!!

Keeping my ears carefully tuned to the conversation in the other room, I went on like this for another few minutes.
The pleasure was indescribable. When eventually the telephone farewells signalled the end of my freedom, I quickly fanned the air a few more times with my napkin, placed it on my lap and folded my hands back on it feeling very relieved and pleased with myself.

My face must have been the picture of innocence when my husband returned, apologizing for taking so long. He asked me if I had peeked through the blindfold, and I assured him I had not.

At this point, he removed the blindfold, and twelve dinner guests seated around the table chorused: "Happy Birthday!"


I fainted!!!!!!!!!!!!!!







Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/07 07:28 AM

A young boy asks his Dad, "What is the difference between confident and
confidential.
Dad says, "You are my son, I'm confident about that. Your friend over
there,
is also my son, that's confidential!"


Posted by: omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/09/07 01:49 PM

Zela,
Awu suka bo!

omnyama
Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/12/07 02:28 PM

Bafowethu.

HALF-TIME ZELA. HALF-TIME MFO. WAZE WASIBULALA AFTER BULALA AWUSAFUNI SIGCINE IMBAMBO FOR TOMORO? Hk hk hk hk.

A Flight Attendant (Air Hostess) anouncing after tochdown, "Ladies and gentleman, there may be 50 ways to LEAVE YOUR LOVER, but there are ONLY 4 WAYS to leave THIS airplane."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Siphepheli

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/13/07 05:16 AM

Kambe lomgonondo webuswiina usahlangene ngasengqondweni kumbe sokulibhungayezi kuphela. Kuthiwa uzwakale ethetha kabi ngemva kokuba i Ethiopian Airlines ibike ukuba nayo isizathutha ezayo kwelakwamkhenkethe. Nanka amazwi akhe, 'If these airlines continue pulling out of Zimbabwe, we will retaliate by pulling Air Zimbabwe out of Zimbabwe' kanjalo akuthandabuzeki ukuthi izifedukazi ebezukulowomkhosi zitshaye umkhulungwane zaqakeza nezandla.
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/16/07 12:26 PM

TEACHER: Why are you late?


BONGANI: Because of the sign.

TEACHER: What sign?

BONGANI: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: Bongani, why are you doing your math sums on the floor?


BONGANI: You told me to do it without using tables!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: Bongani, how do you spell "crocodile"?


BONGANI: "K-R-O-K-O-D-I-A-L"

TEACHER: No, that's wrong

BONGANI: Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: What is the chemical formula for water?


BONGANI: "HIJKLMNO"!!

TEACHER: What are you talking about?

BONGANI: Yesterday you said it's H to O!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: Bongani, go to the map and find North America .


BONGANI: Here it is!

TEACHER: Correct. Now, class, who discovered America ?

CLASS: BONGANI!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: Now, Bongani, tell me do you say prayers, before eating?


BONGANI: No sir, I don't have to, my mom is a good cook.

-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: Bongani, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly
the same as Your brother's. Did you copy his?


BONGANI: No, teacher, it's the same dog!

*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*-*


TEACHER: What do you call a person who keeps on talking, when people
Are no longer interested?

BONGANI: A teacher

Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/16/07 10:17 PM

Bafowethu.

FLIGHT ATTENDANT ANNOUNCING JUST BEFORE TAKOFF:
" In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, oxygen masks will descend fromm above. Stop screaming, grab the mask nearest to you, pull it over your face and start breathing."

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: abafokazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/19/07 10:56 AM

liyangichaza madoda
Posted by: malumephozisa

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/19/07 11:45 AM

Teacher: Do you know the importance of a period?

Student: Yes, when my sister lost one my mother fainted, my dad got a heart attack and our driver ran away.
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/07 05:38 AM

A man gets on a bus and sees a pretty young nun. He sits down next to her,
and pleads with her: "You are so attractive and I must have s*x with you."
"No," she replies, "I'm married to God." She stand up, and gets off at the
next stop. The man is devastated. The bus driver, who overheard, turns to
the man and says: "I can tell you how to get to make with her! "Yeah?", says
the man. "Yeah!" says the bus driver."She goes to the cemetery every Tuesday
night at midnight to pray. So all you have to do is dress up in a robe with
a hood, put some of that glowing powder stuff in your beard, and pop up in
the cemetery claiming to be an Angel. "The man promises to give it a Try,
and arrives at the cemetery dressed as suggested on the next Tuesday night.
"I am an Angel," he declares to the nun, keeping the hood low about His
face. "God has directed me to make love with you." The nun agrees without
question, but begs him to restrict himself to anal sex, as she is desperate
not to lose her virginity. The man agrees, and promptly has his wicked way
with her. This was the best sex he had ever had.
After finishing, he jumps up and throws back his hood with a flourish.
"Ha-ha," he laughed happily. "Surprise surprise, Iam the man from the bus!"
"Ha-ha," replied the nun. "Surprise surprise I am the bus driver and I am
gay!!"
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/07 12:46 PM

NO SPEAKAH DE ENGLISH

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation.

The lady sitting next to them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of them say the following:

'Emma come First. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more! Two asses, They come together again. I come again and pee twice. Then I come one Lasta Time.'

The lady can't take this any more, 'You foul-mouthed sex obsessed pig.' She Retorted indignantly. 'In this country, we don't speak aloud in public places about our sex lives.'

'Hey, coola down lady, ' said the man. 'Who talkin'abouta sex?
I'm a Justa Tellin my frienda how to spell ' Mississippi
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/20/07 10:36 PM

Mad Mary was speeding around the mental hospital as usual in her wheel chair.mad Joe stopped her and asked her for her licence,"shit" she said and sped off around the corner.mad Jim then stopped her and asked her for insurance,"fuuck",she said and sped off again at high speed.rounding a corner she met BIG JOHN, standing stark naked, with a massive erection,"oh no!",she said,"not the fucking breathalsyer again"
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/21/07 03:55 PM

This is Hilarious;
Who said English is Difficult?
Idi Amin of Uganda (President's SPEECH)

For those of us who English is not their first language, read on!!Here is a speech delivered by Idi Amin at a sumptuous luncheon hosted By Queen Elizabeth 11 of Great Britain ."My majesty Mr. Queen Sir, horrible ministers and members of parliament, invented Guests, ladies under gentlemen. I hereby thankyou completely?..Mr. Queen, sir; and also what he has done for me and my fellow Ugandawho come with me. We have really eaten very much. And we are fed upcompletely:And also very thanks to you keenly open up from all windows: so thatthose plenty climates can come into lunch.But before I go back to my country with a plane from the Entebbeairport of London I wish to invitation you Mr. Queen, to become hometo Uganda so that we can also revenge on you .you will eat a full cow:and also feel up your stomach and walk with difficult because of fullstomach completely. Even when you want to rest at night; I will makesure that you sleep on top of meIn the top up stairs of my mansion completely so that you can enjoyall the gravity of fresh air"But now am sorry because I have to tell you that I have made a shortcall on you only. But next time I shall make a long call on you tolast the whole moon completely. Thank you very much to allow meundress you completely before these extinguished ladies undergentlemen sir.Lastly but not list, I ask the band to play our international anthemof the republic of Uganda and also the British international anthem.Your majesty sir, I thank you from the bottom of my heart and from thebottoms of all the people of Uganda . With this few words I thank yousir.
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/21/07 04:48 PM

Please take your time to read this... I'd love it if you read it to the end...

*a girls first time*
(Assume you are a girl if you are a boy)It's your first time. As you lie back your
muscles tighten. You put him
off for a while searching for an excuse, but he
; refuses to be swayed as he
approaches you. He asks if you're afraid and you
shake your head bravely.
He has had more experience, but it's the first
time his finger has found
the right place. He probes deeply and you shiver;
your body tenses; but
he's gentle like he promised he'd be. He looks
deeply within your eyes
and tells you to trust him - he's done this many
times before. His cool
smile relaxes you and you open wider to give him
;more room for an easy
entrance.You begin to plead and beg him to hurry,
but he slowly takes his
time, wanting to cause you as little pain as
possible. As he presses
;closer, going deeper, you feel the tissue give
way; pain surges throughout
your body and you feel the slight trickle of
blood as he continues. He
looks at you concerned and asks you if it's too
painful.Your eyes are
filled with tears but you shake your head and nod
for him to go on. He
begins going in and out with skill but you are
now too numb to feel him
within you. After a few moments, you feel
something bursting within you and
he pulls it out of you, you lay panting, glad to
have it over. He looks
at you and smiling warmly, tells you, with a
chuckle; that you have been
his most stubborn yet most rewarding experience.
You smile and thank your
dentist. After all,it was your first time to have
a tooth pulled.
Naughty, Naughty!
What were you thinkin' ?
PERVERT
I know what you were thinking!


Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/24/07 08:31 AM

Umnumzane uNdwandwe wase Ndwedwe wayengakaze alale nomuntu wesifazane
selokhu athi nhlo!!! Abadala base bembiza bebuza ukuthi yini inkinga
yakhe angalingisi abanye abafana besho ukuqonywa phela. Hhayi umfoka
Zwide abatshele ukuthi yena ulinde intombi nto ayoyiqala uma sebeku
honey moon ukulala nayo. Wagcina emthola ke azomenza umkakhe, bamsiza
ngamalobolo abadala aze agcine eganiwe nakhu phela wayengakaze asebenze.
Hhayi ke bahlale iviki elilodwa nomakoti kungenziwa lutho, aze agcine
ebuza umakoti ku mamezala ukuthi kanti umuntu uma eseganile akenziwa
lutho yini laph'ekhaya. Umamezala engazwisisi ukuthi umntanomuntu uqonde
ukuthini, kuthi uma kuphela iviki lesibili umakoti abuyele kumamezala
amtshele ukuthi ubuyela ekhaya ngoba nakubo wayedla esutha kodwa
bamtshela ukuthi okunye ukudla uyokuthola emzini, besho umphambili.
Akhuze ababaze umamezala abize undodana ambuze ukuthi kanti inkomo lena
eyafika nomakoti iyohlatshwa nini, nangu esethi uhamba nayo uyibuyisela
ekhaya. Isilima lesi siye sivutha kumalokazana, "ngizwa kuthiwa
kunenkomo owafika nayo manje usuyibuyisela kwabakini, musa ukungenza
isilima mina, leyonkomo ngeyami abakini bathi uma ngibalobolele kahle
bayonginika yona ngiyihlabe emva komshado, uthini manje???? Uthi
uyibuyisela emuva???? Angeke kwenzeke lokho kungavuka abeNguni!!! Hhayi
ke ahlale umakoti angayi ndawo, bese umamezala enza isu lokuthi umakoti
ayotheza, kodwa ahambe nomyeni wakhe. Wamtshela ukuthi angalifaki
idilozi, afike agibele esihlahleni bese ebiza umyeni wakhe azomehlisa.
Nebala enze njalo umakoti, impatha le ithi isabheka indlela yokumehlise,
ivele ibabaze kakhulu, hhawu MaMhlongo usulimele kanje, kwenzenjani?
Esho ebona inkomo kaMaMhlongo, cha akwenzeke lutho kungene ibhungane.
Pho usungaze ulimale kangaka, asihambe siye ekhaya yeka lento yokutheza.
Afike ekhaya abikele umama ukuthi umakoti uselimele kabi, ungenwe
yibhungane kulento achama ngayo manje akazi uzolikhipha kanjani.
U-Mamezala amtshele ukuthi akasebenzise into yakhe yokuchama ayifake
kwekamakoti lizophuma. Anikele khona umfana kaNdwandwe, ufika endlini
imilenze uyivule yonke umakoti. Aqale azame ngomunwe wakhe bese ethi
"iyashisa nayo lento yakho" kufanele lingaphumi licabanga ukuthi umuzi
walo lo, yinto yomkami yokuchama le, lizongibona kahle. Ngesikhathi
efaka umunwe wakhe umakoti ukhala ubumayemaye uzwa ubumnandi isilima
asiboni. Amemeze umamezala athi ngithe faka into yakho yokuchama
man!!!!! Esho ewukhipha umthondokazi wakhe umfana kwazise vele umakoti
usemanti te elokhu emkopa useze wachama. Waqale wawufaka ngesihloko,
wezwakala ethi mama!!!! Wemahhh!!!! Ngiyasha, futhi angiyitholi lento
sengiyicinge onke amakhona. Amemeze umama athi okuncono ufake wonke
ulihlikihlele phakathi uma lingaphumi lizofela phakathi!!!! Amjijimeze
ngomthondo umntanomuntu, lapho akasagqumi elokhu eshilo ethi angeke
ngidlale ibhungane mina, ngumfazi wami lo. Wafenda kwangathi iqolo yi
nkostini, kanti
ufenda nje kukhona akuzwayo kude le phakathi enkomeni, wacindezela kuleyo
ndawo engumsipha kanti uzogcina ezwa leya ndawo eyehlula ompetha
kwezokubhebha, ingani phela iyashisa, izwakala sengathi igqakazekile. Uma
uke wafika kuyo uvuma zonke izono zakho, umthengele ibhanoyi, umemeze
umama wakho. Kwenzeka njalo ke naku Ndwandwe, wamemeza kakhulu wathi
ma.....ma, ma, mama wami, hhawu we...mah, selifile..... ngenze njani????
Kanti
sebenkonkoshelene nomakoti bayachama bobabili.
Baqeda lapho babanamahloni, bengasazi manje fanele benze njani,
abuyisele amehlo lapho ade kungene khona ibhungane bese ethi hhayi
ulimele, lesisilonda sikude ukuphola, awubheke nje kuphuma nento
emhloshana(sperms), kukhomba khona ukuthi ifile lento. Athathe ithawula
azesule bese ethi unganyakazi ngizokusula mina, amesule kahle ngesineke.
Aqede lapho ayobikela umama wakhe, "mama uxole ngomsindo nami ayikho
into ebengingayenza kumnandi ukukhipha ibhungane". Athi umama, "yiyo ke
inkomo le umakoti ayethi uyibuyisela ekhaya, yiyo le abathi abakubo
uyoyihlaba emva komshado, kusukela namuhla alikho elamahhala, kumele
uyihlabe, uyizwile ke ukuthi imnandi kanjani, ngeyakho wedwa mntanami,
uyidle nangomlomo, akusiso isilonda umbala wayo yiwo lo". Ajabule
undodana abuyele ku makoti kube ukumbheka nje aqhanyelwe, wathi ake
ngibone ukuthi sesinjani isilonda, amvulele umakoti, ayithinte kancane
bese eyiphenya kahle ayibukisise, kwazise bandla akayazi lento emva
kwalokho athinte ubhontshisi ngolimi, wawuncela, wafaka ulimi phakathi
waluhambisa phezulu, lapho ke nomakoti usewubambe ngezakhe izandla
umthondo womyeni wakhe, uwufaka emlonyeni, awukhiphe azishaye ngawo
ebusweni, angazi ukuthi uzoyenzenjani lento emnandi kangaka. Wawufaka
umfoka Zwide kwazise usengumphetha, usefenda nje kahle akasajahile
ukubulala ibhungane. Uma esefuna nje, uyishaya nge "code" ake ngikhiphe
ibhungane s'thandwa sami.


__________________________________________________


--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/24/07 09:42 AM

xxx hmmmmmmmmm notie
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/28/07 06:16 AM

-----A man was sitting reading his paper when his wife hit him round the
head with a frying pan
"What was that for?" the man asked.
The wife replied "That was for the piece of paper with the name
Jenny on it that I found in your pants pocket"
The man then said "When I was at the races last week Jenny was the
name of the horse I bet on"
The wife apologised and went on with the housework.

Three days later the man is watching TV when his wife bashes him on
the head with an even bigger frying pan, knocking him unconscious.
Upon re-gaining consciousness the man asked why she had hit again.
"Your horse phoned"
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/28/07 06:20 AM

As I walked into my office, my secretary, Janet, said, "Good morning boss".

Happy Birthday." And I felt a little better; someone had remembered. I worked until noon. Then, Janet knocked on my door and said "You know, it's such a beautiful day outside and it's your birthday let's go to lunch, just you and me."

I said, "Oh yeah, that's the greatest thing I've heard all day. Let's go."

We went to lunch. We didn't go where we normally go; we went out to the country to a little private place. We had two martinis and enjoyed lunch tremendously.

On the way back to the office, she said, "You know, it's such a beautiful day.

We don't need to go back to the office, do we?" I said, "No, I guess not."

She said, "Let's go to my apartment."

After arriving at her apartment she said, "Boss, if you don't mind, I think I'll go into the bedroom and slip into something more comfortable."

"Sure," I excitedly replied.

She went into the bedroom and, in about six minutes, she came out carrying a big birthday cake, followed by my wife, children, and dozens of our friends, all singing Happy Birthday.
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/29/07 04:34 AM





A HUSBAND COMES FROM CHURCH, *

*HE GREETED HIS WIFE AND LIFTED HER UP. HE CARRIED HER AROUND THE HOUSE.
THE WIFE WAS SO SURPRISED AND SHE ASKED *

*'DID THE PASTOR PREACH ABOUT BEING ROMANTIC'? *

*THE HUSBAND SAID, 'NO, HE SAID WE MUST CARRY OUR BURDENS AND SORROWS




Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/29/07 04:42 AM

A guy is suffering from severe headaches. The doctor says "I myself suffered from that same type of headache for many years. This is how I cured it: Every day I would give my wife oral sex. When she came she would squeeze her legs together with all her strength and the pressure would relieve the tension in my head. Try that every day for two weeks and come back and let me know how it goes". Two weeks go by and the man is back, "Well, how do you feel?" "Doc, I'm a new man! I feel great! I haven't had a headache since I started this treatment! I can't thank you enough. And, by the way you have a lovely home."

Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/29/07 05:00 AM

Mthimbali lo Dokotela

Goodnews bafowethu. I got a tender to supply amawule for South Africa 2010!!! I was thinking of you two and me in a joint venture. But I don't trust you - lingadla i stock!
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/29/07 05:50 AM

Friendship For Men & For Women: Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night. The next day she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house. The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew about it.

Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night. The next day he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house. The woman called her Husband's 10 best friends. Eight of them confirmed that he had slept over, and two even claimed that he was still there!!!
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/29/07 06:36 AM

Only black people

1. Are engaged for 5 years or more.

2. Never bother to divorce. They just separate for the
rest of their
lives.

3. Are late to church, work, and everything else, EXCEPT
when the
"club" is free before 11:00 PM.

4. Refer to diabetes as "SHUKELA OR ISIFO SESWEKILE".

5. Wait for movies to premier on SIMUNYE.

6. Drive slowly around town just looking for someone so
they can say

"Hola seven."

7. Show up at weddings, showers, graduation, birthday
parties, etc.
with a new outfit on, with their nails and hair done, but
don't bring a
wedding present.



8. In relation to #7, they eat like dogs and take a DOGGIE
BAG.



9. Consider "clubbing" as a monthly expense.



10. Leave bills (instead of insurance) behind for surviving
relatives.



11. Have at least one relative with a criminal record.



12. Will borrow money for a big wedding reception, then
live in a flat
with no furniture.



13. Have mothers who can use swear words and religion ALL
IN ONE
SENTENCE.

For example, "Thixo wam, lekaka yomntwana iyawazinyele."
and "Awe Jesu
wam awubheke ooNokuthula sekuma namadoda kusekuncane,
akufebi nje
kwenzokunye"



14. Swear that the nigerian man selling carpets out of a
van gives them
the best deals!



15. Have at least one neighbour that "was almost a soccer
star"



16. Spend the car insurance money on everything, EXCEPT
getting the dent
fixed.



17. Invite co-workers and all of their friends to their
child's
christening party, which happens to have a professional DJ,
alcohol but
only about 3 kids and 50 adults in attendance.



18. Have children who are great singers and dancers, but
falling behind
in school.



19. Will drive a Lexus, Merc, BMW or Jaguar AND live in a
bachelor flat
or rent a house or ARE STILL staying with their Mum.



20. Come over to your house at 8:00 in the morning to
"borrow" a cup of
sugar.



21. Will pull up in the church car park blasting out
Mandoza on their
stereo.



22. Will display the labels in designer suits to wear to a
class reunion
and try to return it the next day after spilling beer on
it, only to
tell the sales person it didn't fit.



23. Will have on a new outfit every time you see them, but
when you ask
them for the money they owe you they always say, "Don't
have it."



24. Play R 100 worth of lottery numbers a week but won't
invest in the
stock & shares. (It's tooooo risky!!)



Yeah



Don't feel offended i'm also a black person.


Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/07 03:11 PM

Sase sifikile isikhathi sokuba uSipho abuyele ekhaya eNatali

Ukuyokwenza umsebenzi kayise owayeshone onyakeni edlule.



Ngokwesiko lomsebenzi ubizwa ngokuthi umsebenzi wokukhumula

inzila. Kwadingeka ukuba uSipho abikele umlungu wakhe ngohambo lwakhe

lokuyokwenza lomsebenzi, wezwakala esethi: "Boss I'm going home to

undress my mother and do my father's job".



Washaqeka wacishe waquleka umlungu, "You're going to do what!?".

"Oh..! Yes boss, I have to go home and undress my mother and do my

father's job. It's our culture..."

"

You black people!!!

Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/07/07 06:03 PM

A Woman was out golfing one day when she hit the ball into the woods. She went into the woods to look for it and found a frog in a trap. The frog said to her, "If you release me from this trap, I will grantyou three wishes." The woman freed the frog, and the frog said, "Thank you, but I failedto mention that there was a condition to your wishes. Whatever you wish for, your husband will get times ten!" The woman said, "That's okay." For her first wish, she wanted to be the most beautiful woman in the world. The frog warned her, "You do realize that this wish will also makeyour husband the most handsome man in the world, an Adonis whom womenwill flock to". The woman replied, "That's okay, because I will be the most beautifulwoman and he will have eyes only for me." So, KAZAM-she's the most beautiful woman in the world! For her second wish, she wanted to be the richest woman in the world. The frog said, "That will make your husband the richest man in theworld. And he will be ten times richer than you." The woman said, "That's okay, because what's mine is his and what'shis is mine." So, KAZAM-she's the richest woman in the world! The frog then inquired about her third wish, and she answered, "I'dlike a mild heart attack." Moral of the story: Women are clever. Don't mess with them. Attention female readers: This is the end of the joke for you. Stophere and continue feeling good. Male readers: Please scroll down. ............ ....
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
The man had a heart attack ten times milder than his wife . Moral of the story: Women are really dumb but think they're really smart. Let them continue to think that way and just enjoy the show PS: If you are a woman and are still reading this; it only goes toshow that women never listen!!! Forward this to all the guys for a good laugh, and to all the ladieswho have a good sense of humour.
Posted by: Mnewethu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/08/07 03:54 AM

Ung`bulele Madlenya, yizo yizo mntanenkosi.
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/10/07 02:33 PM

Nazi izintombi zenu!!!! UZanele oyingoduso eyayizolotsholwa wangena ekamelweni wakhumulaiphenti wathatha isibuko wasibeka ngaphansi wabuka inkomo, wathi: "Wadla nhlikinhliki ekade babeyihlikiza. Wadla nto yami yezimanga. Namhlanje kuhlangenwe ngawe, wo-hhe! basala oThembi noBajabulilenoNomusa, amakholwa amakhulu phela, nezinto zabo ezingena experience. Hamba nkomoyami, ubashayile nge-experience wabadida silwane sikamhlola. Wena wakhalisa oJabulani, oLucky, oBongani, oSiya oPhumlani no bab' uElliot, kwakhala abanumzane nabafokazane, kwakhala osomatekisi, odriver bama truck,omashanela, othisha, izimfolomani, izinduna, abefundisi, nezicashalala la kuwe.Usuwinile ke wena nhlikinhliki yami, noma singezwakali kahle lesis'limaesihlanyiswa wuwe, sengiyobekezelela wona umendo lo oyimvela kancane. Kodwa ungahlupheki silwane sami, uma usufuna ukuthola more, ngizovele ngikuphonse kuyise waso lesis'lima, ngimbonile indlela abelokhu engibuka ngayo ukuthi naye uyahalela ukukuhlikiza.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/11/07 05:16 PM

l enjoyed this baba. Great stuff
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/11/07 05:18 PM

Penis asked the balls; 'kanti mina nxa ngingena phakathi lina lisala lisenzani phandle? The balls answered,;'Akula,sisala sizihlalele elonini thina'
Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/11/07 10:03 PM

Mninimuzi

hahahaha kumbe enkangala (kulabo abaphucula nge remover) kumbe esiqintini (kulabo abatshaya ngesigelo), kumbe eguswini (o bush mechanic abangakama nge afro comb!)
Posted by: Mabila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/12/07 03:15 AM

Mntanami bakithi!!!
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/13/07 02:20 PM

Making a baby. This is hilarious!


There is not one dirty word in it, and it is funny.

The Smiths were unable to conceive children and decided to use a surrogate father to start their family. On the day the proxy father was to arrive, Mr. Smith kissed his wife goodbye and said, "Well, I'm off now. The man should be here soon."

Half an hour later, just by chance, a door-to-door baby photographer happened to ring the doorbell, hoping to make a sale. "Good morning, Ma'am", he said, "I've come to..."

"Oh, no need to explain," Mrs. Smith cut in, embarrassed, "I've been expecting you."

"Have you really?" said the photographer. "Well, that's good. Did you know babies are my specialty?"

"Well that's what my husband and I had hoped. Please come in and have a seat".

After a moment she asked, blushing, "Well, where do we start?"

"Leave everything to me. I usually try two in the bathtub, one on the couch, and perhaps a couple on the bed. And sometimes the living room floor is fun. You can really spread out there."

"Bathtub, living room floor? No wonder it didn't work out for Harry and me!"

"Well, Ma'am, none of us can guarantee a good one every time. But if we try several different positions and I shoot from six or seven angles, I'm sure you'll be pleased with the results."

"My, that's a lot!", gasped Mrs. Smith.

"Ma'am, in my line of work a man has to take his time. I'd love to be In and out in five minutes, but I'm sure you'd be disappointed with that."

"Don't I know it," said Mrs. Smith quietly.

The photographer opened his briefcase and pulled out a portfolio of his baby pictures. "This was done on the top of a bus," he said.

"Oh, my word!" Mrs. Smith exclaimed, grasping at her throat.

"And these twins turned out exceptionally well - when you consider their mother was so difficult to work with."

"She was difficult?" asked Mrs. Smith.

"Yes, I'm afraid so. I finally had to take her to the park to get the job done right. People were crowding around four and five deep to get a good look"

"Four and five deep?" said Mrs. Smith, her eyes wide with amazement.

"Yes", the photographer replied. "And for more than three hours, too. The mother was constantly squealing and yelling - I could hardly concentrate, and when darkness approached I had to rush my shots. Finally, when the squirrels began nibbling on my equipment, I just had to pack it all in."

Mrs. Smith leaned forward. "Do you mean they actually chewed on your, uh...equipment?"

"It's true, Ma'am, yes.. Well, if you're ready, I'll set-up my tripod and we can get to work right away."

"Tripod?"

"Oh yes, Ma'am. I need to use a tripod to rest my Canon on. It's much too big to be held in the hand very long."
Mrs. Smith fainted
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/14/07 01:52 PM

Whatever you give a woman, she's going to multiply. If you give her
sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you
a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give
her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what
is given to her.

Love and appreciate the woman in your life.

BUT KEEP THIS IN MIND
Give a woman your salary and she will make it disappear

Posted by: nom

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/15/07 07:02 PM

Give a woman your salary and she will make u a very happy rich man cause she will invest it

Posted by: Zwangendaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/15/07 10:27 PM

Bafowethu.

Sakubona NOM. Awukhulekanga ekhaya. Sifuna ukubakwazi sihlobo. I agree with you, give a woman anything goooooooooooood or baaaaaad, she will invest and the dividents are gooooooooood all the tiiiiiiiiiime.

I am just trying to multiply my vooooooooooooooice.

Li Zwangendaba.
Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/19/07 10:17 PM

Mzala!

Ngiyethemba nisaphila nabantwana. Nami ngiyaphila noma umkhuhlane wobusika ucishe wedlula nami nje. Ngahamba kahle nangalelalanga noma ngaze ngafika ngakusasa ekhaya ngenxa yeTransport. Ngahlala ewaiting room kwaze kwashaya u9 ebusuku lingafiki ibhasi. Cabanga-ke mzala ngingedwa nje umuntu wesifazane.Ngangizokuba wukudla kwezinswelaboya ukuba akuqhamukanga umfana wakwaCele laphaya eNgudwini ngamcela ukuba asale eseyongifihla kwakhe.Wangiphatha kahle bakithi loyamfana. Bheka ngoba ngageza ngamanzi afudumele, wanginika nokudla. Inkinga nje yaba ukuthi indawo yakhe incane, nombhede wakhe wenele umuntu oyedwa vo. Ngenxa yalesosizathu, kwadingeka ukuba sicuphisane, siphambane ukuze senele. Cabanga-ke angifake naphenti mzala ngenxa yokuthi engabe kade ngilifakile ngase ngiliwashile. Ngesizathu sokukhathala ngasheshe ngazumeka.

Angazi ukuthi ngase ngalale isikhathi esingakanani ngenkathi ngiphaphama ngizithola sengifile ukuqhanyelwa kanti okungumfana sekuvele kwangivula imilenze kwangingena ngolimi es?bunjini samanzi te. Ngangithi ngizoziba kube sengathi angizwa lutho. Ngehluleka nokho, ngazithola sengiyivule kakhulu imilenze ngenkathi sengizwa amadevu nentshebe yakhe kungihuqa emsunwini. Ngaleyonkathi umthondo wakhe owawuqondene namabele wawusuqine okobhodo uqobo, usushisha bhe. Ngethuka sengiwubambe ngazo zombili maqede ngawuxhuma emlonyeni. Angazi ukuthi sancelana isikhathi eside kangakanani, engikukhumbulayo nje ukuthi ngagcina sengilele ngibheke phezulu umfana eseguqe phezu kwami esengene shi ngekhanda phakathi kwemilenze yami, ulimi lwakhe lwehla lwenyuka esibunjini sami esasesiqumbile wukuqhanyela. Nami ngaqhubeka nokuwubamba ngomlomo umthondo wakhe ngilokhu ngidlalisa kancane amasende ayesevuvuke ungafunga ukuthi yibhola lomphebezo, ngingasakuphathi okuyikhingqe lakhe. Ngangithi ngizomtshela alukhiphe ulimi ngenkathi sekuthi mangithunde. Kodwa ngenxa yokuthi umthondo wawugcwele emlonyeni wami ngehluleka ngavele ngamthundela khona emlonyeni. Angibazi lobuya bumnandi wemzala. Ngangithi uzophakama angithethise, kodwa waziqhubekela nokungikhotha. Anginakanga ukuthi naye useyathunda. Ngamuzwa egquma nje okomuntu ophelelwa wumoya kantinakho sekuyangithundela emlonyeni okungumfana. Kwasishaya sagcwala sonke okuyisigwadi isidoda emlonyeni maqede kwalala ja nami ngazumeka.

Salala singasembathanga singasacimanga nesibani. Saze saphashanyiswa ngamakhaza entathakusa. Wavele wajika umfana walala waqondana nami manje, maqede wangigona sanamathelana wangixhuma ulimi. Ngathi ngethuka wabe esengibuyise ngaphezulu sesibhebhana. Hhayi yiciko loyamfana mzala ngiyakutshela. Akadle ngakufequza. Ngathi mina ngiyazibulala ngokufenda, yena wayenyakaza kancane egudla kuphela umsunu ngekhinqe sengathi uxabene nawo nje qha. Lapho-ke usekweqe amehlo wena wabona umuntu egeqwa yisisu. Ngaze ngesaba sengathi uzofela ngaphansi kwami. Ngaqhubeka nokufenda slowly sengilingisa yena. Ngezwa ngigedezela umzimba wonke maqede ngoma ngaqonda thwi kuhle kwenyoka. Hhayi angikwazi lokhuya kuthunda mzala. Kwangiguqula kancane okungumfana kwangibhekisa phezulu, kwawufaka, kwangibhebha futhi. Lapho-ke nomthondo wakho usuyacwebezela. Ngaleyonkathi mina sengiyisidumbu nje. Kwanyakaza kabili kathathu kwangathi kuyaqhela, kanti sekungithela ngesidoda. Ngangithi ngiyasha. Kwavuka kwangesula ngesikhulu isineke lesi nakho kwazesula maqede sazumeka futhi.

Ngavuka seliphakeme ilanga, okungumfana sekuhambile kwaya emsebenzini. Kwashiya sekungilungiselele yonke into. Phezu kwetafula kwakushiye incwajana eyayingitshela ukuthi uma sengihamba ngiyowubeka kuphi ukhiye. Futhi bakithi, giyokhohlwa ngifile. Hhayi mzala, angime, ezimnandi azipheli. Ukhonze kumalume.




Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/19/07 10:57 PM

PIPI
PIPI ELIDE WENA OHLABANAYO
WENA MAKHI WEMIZI YABANTU
WENA MAKHI WABANTWANA
DELA OWAZI UYIHLO NONYOKO
DELA OWAZI UMSUKA WAKHO
ENGABE ONGOWAKUPHI NGEMPELA ISIBONGO

PIPI NDINI, PIPI NDINI
UDINGA UKUHLONISHWA NGEMPELA
UGWAZA MAQEDA WEHLE UMJULUKO
OTHI UMA USITHELA THINA BESIFAZANE
SIKHALE UBU MAYEMAYE
SIKHALE UBUQANDUQANDU

HAYI UMNANDI MFOKA MUDEMUDE
KUDE NGISHO UMFUSHANE UYAKWAZI UKUSEBENZA
USHAYE OMNCANE USHAYE NESALUKAZE
SONKE SIKHALA NGENDLELA EYODWA

HALALA MAPIPANA, NGIVAKASHELE NJALO.

INTOKAZI EZIFELAYO NGEPIPI.

PS: DLULISELA EZINTOKAZINI EZINGAKUTHOKOZELA UKUZWA LEZIBONGO, KANYE NEZINSIZWA EZILISEBENZISAYO IPIPI
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/20/07 01:07 PM

A female TV reporter arranged for an interview with a farmer, seeking the main cause of Mad Cow Disease.

The Lady: Good evening, sir. I am here to collect information on the possible source of Mad Cow Disease.

Can you offer any reason for this disease?



The Farmer stared at the reporter and said: Do you know that a bull mounts a Cow only once a year?

The lady reporter (obviously embarrassed): Well, sir, that's a new piece of information, but what's the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow Disease?



The Farmer: And, madam, do you know that we milk a Cow twice a day?

The reporter: Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about,

Getting to the point?



The Farmer: I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tittiess twice a day and only screwing you once a year, wouldn't you get mad?

Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/03/08 01:57 AM


What we hate in women,
We hate:
1. Women who gossip (get a life)
2. Women who say, Ha ana koloi (when their fathers don?t even own a bicycle)
3. Women who wear expensive clothes and still sleep on the floor
4. Women who are over 21 and still say (mama a kase dumele)
5. women who accept drinks from a man the whole night and wont give it up
6. Women who want to be taken to 5 star hotels and they can?t even afford ( bed & brealkfast lodges ) or to buy themselves a bed
7. Women who can?t even wash their own underwear
8. Women who think they are special when they are indirect prostitutes (Bo kuku nkopele boroko, pipi e tsene ka kgotso )
9. Women who think their high paying jobs are a way to pull men by their balls
10. Women who still ask men ( o setse o rotile ) during sex. ( why the hell am I still on top of you).
11. Women who don?t clean up their fanny?s ( Kuku ) You wash your car don?t you
12. Women who drive expensive cars and can?t change a flat tyre
13. Women who sleep with men and don?t want to be seen with them in public (o go estsa o tswe ditete at night though)
14. Women who ask, do I look fat when they know they are (go to gym fatty)
15. Women who think giving a man sex is a favour while they enjoy it more?
16. Women who think all men are foreigners and should be giving them money (Get a damn job)
17. Women who think that sex is like christmas and should done once a year even though they are married.
18. Women who compare their partners with international film stars (shame on you, you won?t meet them and you are also not Naomi Campbell )
19. Women who pretend not to know how to give blow jobs, but do it well to get a promotion. (sies !)
20. Women who don?t wear bras and walk around with tits that are at their knees. (They are not rubber and will not come back)
21. Women with low cut jeans and full of strech marks that look nasty (go to gym )
22. Stop seducing us and screeming sexual harrasment when we make advances
23. A head-ache that lasts two weeks is a problem, see a damn doctor
24. You expect us to trust you but you bleed for a week and not die.
25. You expect us to enjoy sex but your entertainment area is close to the sewage zone
26. Stop wearing you micro mini?s in winter, le tla omella dikuku le marago le bolaiwe ke serame.
27. When I say I love you, it does not mean that I?ll marry you ( It means ke mo tlaleng, bula dirope )
28. No sex for a week means that I can do your friend or
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/04/08 05:33 AM

LOVE HER





1) Love her ...when she sips on your coffee or tea. She only wants to make sure it tastes just right for you (Uchekha ikorobela ukuthi iyazwakala yini)


2) Love her...when she is jealous. Out of all the men she can have, she chose you (Uthanda amadoda, akaneliswa)



3) Love her...when she has annoying little habits that drives you nuts. You have them too. (Ukujwayela kabi, shaya)


4) Love her...when her cooking is bad. She tries. (Uzobulawa indlala unomfazi, Mshiye)



5) Love her...when she looks scary in the morning. She always fixes herself up again. (Uthwizile, uyazipenda,,, thola onobuhle bemvelo)


6) Love her...when she makes you watch corny love dramas while the sport is on. She wants to share these moments with you. (Uyakuphazamisa akayobukela ekamelweni)


7) Love her...when she asks if she looks fat. Your opinion counts, sotell her she's beautiful. (Wamthola enefiga, sekuyisgubhu .... Mshiye)


8) Love her...when she looks beautiful. She's yours so appreciate her. (Mumithise khona bengeke bamunake)


9) Love her...when she spends hours to get ready. She only wants to look her best for you. (Ukuchithela iskhathi ngabe uyoziphuzela noma uzokuthola phambili)


10) Love her...when she buys you gifts you don't like. Smile and tell her its what you've always wanted. (Umtshele ukuthi ulahle imali ngabe uthenge ibhodlela noma ikesi labhiya)


11) Love her...when she cries for absolutely nothing. Don't ask, tell her its going to be okay (Uyatetema mufake impama akhalele into ayaziyo)


12) Love her...when she suffers from PMS. Buy chocolate, rub her feet and rent any movie with Vin Diesel (trust me this works!) (Akahlale emithi khona angeke ahlushwe i-PMS yabo)


13) Love her...when whatever you do is not pleasing. It happens and will pass (Ubani vele ofuna uku plizana naye)


14) Love her...when she stains your clothes. You needed a new shirt anyway (Uyahlanya uzolithenga elinye)


15) Love her...when she argues. She only wants to make things right (Indoda ayiphikiswa)


All these things form part of a woman's character.

This woman is part of your life and should be treated as the queen she is.

Take time to make her feel special in every way.

Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/05/08 08:57 AM

Zela, clap
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/14/08 01:42 PM

I received a letter from my grandmother last week. She is eighty-eightyearsold and still drives her own car. She writes: Dear Gavin, The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a"honk ifyou love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy thatdaybecause I had just come from a thrilling choirperformance, followed by thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought thestickerand put it on my bumper. Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I wasstopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thoughtaboutthe Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if hehadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people loveJesus! Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking likecrazy,and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love ofGod!Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"What an exuberant Cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone startedhonking! I just leaned out my window and I started waving and smiling at allthoseloving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!There must have been a man from Margate back there because I heard himyelling something about a "sunny beach". I saw another guy waving in a funny way.. with only his middle fingerstuckup in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what thatmeant.He said it was probably a Zulu good luck sign or something. Well, I've never met anyone from Zululand, so I leaned out the windowandgave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing...why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of thepeoplewere so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of theircarsand started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask whatchurchI attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, Iwaved atall my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through theintersection. I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection beforethelight changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them. After all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned outthewindow and gave them all the Zulu good luck sign one last time as Idroveaway.Praise the Lord for such wonders. Love, Grandma
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/14/08 04:42 PM

Ha Madlenya, waze wangihlekisa. Uzakwephula imbambo zami, awazi yini ukuthi vele sezagugudwa ngumuhlwa, azilutho ukwephuka!!!
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/26/08 06:45 AM

A crocodile farmer wanted to prove to a friend how fast crocs are in water. He called his workers to the croc pool and offered $5 000 000 000.00 to the one who dives into the pool and swims to the end (obviously surviving the crocs). The workers start to debate the possibilities versus the money as the debate heats up one ndururani splashes into the pool and proceed to swim like he is posessed. Everybody else can't believe their eyes as the man wins. They run to congratulate him, but the guy is in no mood for a gold medal he is fuming obviously eyes wide-open "Okwemali yenu lokhu manini, Ngubani ongifuqeleyo, hi ngithi ngubani ongifuqeleyo!!!",
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/06/08 10:58 AM

For his birthday Little Mzwandile asked for a 10-speed bicycle.

His father said, "Son, we'd give you one, but the mortgage on this
house is ?1000.00 and your mother just lost her job. There's no way
we can afford it."


The next day the father saw Little Mzwandile heading out the front door
with a suitcase. So he asked, "Son, where are you going?"


Little Mzwandile told him, "I was walking past your room last night and I
heard you tell mum you were pulling out. Then I heard her tell you
to wait because she was coming too. And I'll be damned if I'm
staying here by myself with an ?1000.00 mortgage and no f**king
bike!"
Posted by: vunguza

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/07/08 07:37 PM

hk! hk! hk!
Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/11/08 01:27 PM

A Shona girl goes into a sex shop & asks for a vibrator.
The man says: "Choose one from our range on the wall."
She says "I'll take the red one."
The man replies: "You can't, that's a fire extinguisher."
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/11/08 04:34 PM

YE MADODA!!!!Ukuthi kambe bathwele kangako lababantu?? hkhkhkh
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/11/08 07:57 PM

Yeyeni madoda, ngiythemba ubuthelele lomama, yazi uma ngimbuka ngeso lengqondo ngimbona engumama omkhulu, onezinqe ezingaka, ngithi uma yona ngiyibhekisisa ngiyibona ingangeyendlovu isugubhu sangempela.Bafowethu lizizwele akuyiwa kubomama bempumalanga, uyathi usuyifakile uzwe ekubuza ukuthi isingenile na, kuyosala sengani ufake ucikilicane.
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/12/08 06:36 AM

laugh laugh laugh wena Sgelo wena!!
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/12/08 01:36 PM

Young David came home from school one day and found his pet chicken laying on the ground with his legs pointing straight up into the sky. When his father got home, he explained that the chicken has died and his legs were pointed up to Jesus in heaven.

They buried the chicken and that was that. Two weeks later his dad came home from work and David ran up to him yelling, "Daddy, Daddy, we nearly lost Mommy today."

"What?" his father replied.

"When I got home from school, Mommy was laying on the bed with her legs pointing up in the air yelling, 'Jesus, I'm coming, Jesus I'm coming.' If it wasn't for Uncle Terry holding her down we would have lost her for sure!"
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/12/08 01:39 PM

A little girl and her mother were out and about.

Out of the blue, the girl asked her mother, "Mommy, How old are you?"

The mother responded, "Honey, women don't talk about their age. You'll learn this as you get older."

The girl then asked, "Mommy, how much do you weigh?"

Her mother responded again, "That's another thing women don't talk about. You'll learn this, too, as you grow up."

The girl, still wanting to know about her mother, then fired off another question, "Mommy, why did you and Daddy get a divorce?"

The mother, a little annoyed by the questions, responded, "Honey, that is a subject that hurts me very much, and I don't want to talk about it now."

The little girl, frustrated, sulked until she was dropped off at a friend's house to play. She consulted with her girlfriend about her and her mother's conversation.

The girlfriend said, "All you have to do is sneak a look at your mother's driver's license. It's just a like a report card from school. It tells you everything."

Later, the little girl and her mother were out and about again.

The little girl started off with, "Mommy, Mommy, I know how old you are. I know how old you are. You're 32 years old."

The mother was very shocked. She asked, "Sweetheart, how do you know that?"

The little girl shrugged and said, "I just know. And I know how much you weigh. You weigh 130 pounds."

"Where did you learn that?"

The little girl said, "I just know. And I know why you and Daddy got a divorce. You got an 'F' in sex."
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/14/08 07:11 AM

Mugabe, Mzenda & Tsvangirai were lost in the forest and were captured by Cannibals. The cannibal king told the prisoners that they could live if they passed a trial. The first step of the trial was to go to the forest and get ten pieces of the same kind of fruit.
So all three men went separate ways to gather fruits. Mbeki came back and Said to the king, "I brought ten apples." The king then explained the trial to him. "You have to shove the fruits up your butt without any expression on your face or you will be eaten.' The first apple went in.... But on the second one he winced out in pain, so he was killed.
Tsvangirai arrived and showed the king ten berries. When the king explained the trial to him, he thought to himself that this should be easy.
1...2...3...4...5...6...7...8... And on the ninth berry he burst out in laughter and was killed.

Mzenda & Tsvangirai met in hell and Mzenda asked Tsvangirai, "Why did you Laugh, you almost got away with it?" Tsvangirai replied, I couldn't help It, I saw Mugabe coming with pineapples
Posted by: bongani

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/14/08 02:58 PM

Kanti manje uMbeki yena ungena ngaphi kule 'joke' yakho yobutabane???
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/14/08 04:05 PM

A magician worked on a cruise ship. The audience was different each week so the magician did the same tricks over and over again. There was only one problem: The captain's parrot saw the shows each week and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

Once he understood, he started shouting in the middle of the show,
"Look, It's not the same hat!" or, "Look, he's hiding the flowers
under the table!" or "Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?"

The magician was furious but couldn't do anything. It was, after all, the Captain's' parrot.

Then one stormy night on the Pacific, the ship unfortunately sank, drowning almost all who were on board. The magician luckily found himself on a piece of wood floating in the middle of the sea, as fate would have it ... with the parrot.

They stared at each other with hatred, but did not utter a word.
This went on for a day... and then 2 days ... and then 3 days. Finally on the 4th day, the parrot could not hold back any longer and said...


"OK, I give up. Where's the f#ckin' ship?"
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/18/08 01:41 PM

Bono, the lead singer of the band, U2, is famous throughout the
entertainment industry for being more than just a little self-righteous and for his humanitarian work.

At a recent U2 concert in Glasgow, Scotland, he asked the audience for complete silence.

Then, in the silence, he started to slowly clap his hands, once every
few seconds.

Holding the audience in total silence, he said into the microphone,
"Every time I clap my hands, a child in Africa dies."

A voice with a broad Scottish accent from the front of the crowd pierced
the quiet.....

"Well, foockin stop doin it then, ya evil b@stard!"



Posted by: Sibambamahawu

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/19/08 01:29 PM

Advice to Drinkers and Their wives

Since you can not stop drinking, why not start a bar in your own home. Give your wife R840 (12XR70) to buy a case of booze. There are 360 tots in a case. Buy all your drinks from your wife at R6 a tot. When all the booze has finished, your wife will have R1320
to put in the bank and R840 to start business all over again. If you live 10 years, your lovely widow will have +/- R396000 plus interest on deposit = enough to give you a funeral, bring up your children, marry a decent man and FORGET SHE EVER KNEW YOU.
Posted by: uzphoso

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/19/08 10:34 PM

Originally Posted By: Sibambamahawu
Advice to Drinkers and Their wives

Since you can not stop drinking, why not start a bar in your own home. Give your wife R840 (12XR70) to buy a case of booze. There are 360 tots in a case. Buy all your drinks from your wife at R6 a tot. When all the booze has finished, your wife will have R1320
to put in the bank and R840 to start business all over again. If you live 10 years, your lovely widow will have +/- R396000 plus interest on deposit = enough to give you a funeral, bring up your children, marry a decent man and FORGET SHE EVER KNEW YOU.


Your advice neglects to suggest further theory on what to do for the attendant pleasures enjoyed when one goes out to drink like flirting with(and sometimes sleeping with) whores,lying about things to mates in arguments,fighting and generally being off guard like a free spirit which if the wife saw would result in instant ukuchuma kwendoda otherwise it is very viable.

Kwakukhona isela elalintshontsha linqunu okucatshangelwa ukuthi yi-recommendation elaliyiphiwe kanye le-prescription yempande lokunye yinyanga yalo.Khona kuyaziwa ukuthi balutshwana abangamel'umuntu kumb'into esamuntu abangayinxusanga ebusuku. Ukuyixotshanisa kubiza isibindi esithize noma uthi nxa uzayibamba uyibamba ngaphi njalo ngani yona ingaqhokanga.
Enye indoda yathi ayisoze iyekeliswe ngalutho ukusekela lelo sela emva kokuba seliguduze emzini wayo lathatha elalikuthethe.
Kwabanjalo ke umninimuzi (hatshi lo owakule nkundla grin) elihlasela ephethe ihloka le-torch unkosikazi elandela muva ethi usamntwana aphenduke ngoba kuyingozi ukuxotshana lesela lisiya ebunyameni.Akuthathanga sikathi isela lawa phansi ladunusela isakhamuzi leso sona sisanda kuphosela ihloka.Ngaleso sikathi itorch yathi tshazi ezibunwini zesela.Wabuyela ke undoda ekhefuzela ethi kunkosikazi baye emapoliseni ngoba ucezule lelo sela ikhanda kanti yena ubone izibunu lapho isela liphakama emva kokuwa.
Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/25/08 05:58 AM

TWO WOMEN WERE TAKING A BATH TOGETHER WHEN ONE REMARKED "I
WONDER WHY IT IS THAT I DON'T HAVE A LOT OF HAIR IN MY PRIVATE PARTS?"

THE OTHER REPLIED, "HAVE YOU EVER SEEN GRASS GROWING ON A BUSY ROAD?"
Posted by: omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/27/08 04:14 PM

A Zulu website
http://www.mailforwards.co.za/?cat=2&paged=4
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/28/08 12:54 PM

After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive,"
Osama himself decided to send George Bush a letter in his own
handwriting to let him know he was still in the game.

Bush opened the letter and it contained a single line of Coded message:

370H-SSV-0773H

Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condoleezza Rice .

Condi and her aides had not a clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.

No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to MI6 and

Mossad.

Eventually they asked Australian Intelligence (ASIO) for help. ASIO
contacted OP (Zambian Intelligence)

Within a minute, OP sent ASIO an email which they forwarded to the
White House as follows:

"Tell the US President he's holding the message upside down!"



Posted by: Sgero

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/29/08 11:02 AM

Umamazala wabona umakoti egqoke i-g, string wathi:

?hawu, hawu ubehluphekile impela umtanomuntu
iphenti seladleka laze labanje???
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 02/29/08 12:26 PM

A BLACK MAN'S PRAYER

Oh Lord we humble ourselves to you this day and ask you to forgive us our sins, although we have none.
This is because it is not us who killed Jesus Christ, it was the whites.
He was betrayed by white man, and then sold Him to another white man who ordered that He be beaten.

It was the whites who even voted that He be crucified.
The name of the betrayer was Judas Iscariot.
We do not even have such names.

We have the likes of: NHLANHLA, MANDLA, VUSI, TSHEPO, LEBOGANG, LIZWI, ZODWA,
SIBUSISO, ZANELE, THANDI, FUNEKA, THEMBI, NONTYATYAMBO, MAHLATHI, KWENA, LIVHUWANI, THABO, MTHANDENI, TAKALANI, NTSAKO, NOMTHANDAZO, TSAKANI and bo DUMEZWENI.
So, we could not by anyway be involved in the crucification of our Lord. If you do not believe me you could even watch the movie `PASSION OF CHRIST`. There is no black man there.

Please Lord; let the black man be rich and the white man work for him.

AMEN.

Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/17/08 11:58 AM

I am aply to my job of security guard to you boss in you company of Shoprite. I complete to std 8 examination certificate in 1997. My skool HLOMANI HIGH SKOOL very good. I am 27 ears to be Born of age and no meri and nochildish alive one die and aids but girlfrend not tellme truth of pregnant. My father dye long time and mother mary in KWA-ZULU NATAL country there 10 years now, no seeshe so nobody known to help me you see. My certifikate is just sit home for itself, but passin Mathematics, Geography, Science and all subject but fail in English because of MKHIZE teacherteaching me is jelos of myself. Me wear expenses cloth than MKHIZE teacher. Then teacher lookme every day and frawun at me you see. I here people you want security guards to you companyand I tell you I Am one of that job experience for 2years. I shot thief dead and thief run with blad anddye. Thif stil carz and me see and shot. I want toJoin company of you and chase criminal out with meAK47 I take from Mzwakhe last yer when he fail pay memoney. Please consida my aplication well and call me anytime becausi me Have celphone. I am red for intervu with you. I am very hornest and can speakEnglish free. Please also greet your wife and chidren. And rememba English is noti mother land!! iz difcultyou see. Yoz Wandile Regards
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/17/08 12:23 PM

Mininimuzi, waze wangephula imbambo mnumzane. yazi ngingahleki so.
Posted by: abafokazi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/25/08 03:29 AM

A mother was preparing pancakes for her sons, Kevin 5, and Ryan 3.
The boys began to argue over who would get the first pancake.
Their mother saw the opportunity for a moral lesson.
"If Jesus were sitting here, He would say,
'Let my brother have the first pancake, I can wait.'
Kevin turned to his younger brother and said,
"Ryan, you be Jesus!"
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/25/08 07:35 PM

Dont be stressed : you might end up like John

> One day a man was sitting in his office on the 19th floor of a building. A
> man came running into his office and shouted, "John, your daughter, Anna,
> just died in an accident right opposite this building"
>
> The gentleman was in panic. Not knowing what to do, he jumped out through
> his office window.
>
> While coming down, when he was near the 14th floor he remembered he didn't
> have a daughter named Anna.
>
> When he was near the 7th floor, he remembered he was not married yet.
>
> When he was about to hit the ground he remembered he was not John.
>
Posted by: Dokotela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 03/28/08 12:59 PM

Sgero, awukho right mfo, ungihlekise kakhulu nge ji-strimu. gpn
Posted by: Mahlab'ayithwale

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 04/16/08 09:36 PM

A boy asks his father

Boy >"Daddy what is the deference between confidence and confidential"?

Father>"See son,i have confidence in you that you are my son but u see your friend right there",the man pointing at next door neighbour's son,"he is also my son and son that is confidential".
Posted by: Muntongenakudla

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 04/17/08 08:08 AM

Umthandazo kaTsotsi

Eh well thaima elisezulwini

Bengicela ukuthi ungibhekele ezimokolweni zami engiziphushayo
And namajita ami ,uwagaye ikraag ukuthi labantu.......Umasibangena... bezwe ngathi

Ngiyazi nkulunkulu ukuthi wena awusiyimenemene ,une waar . So ngeke usibhekisele phansi njengalezinja zase phalamende.
Nawe baba uyazi ukuthi uma uphethe mina ,uphethe inja kasathane enza izinto zenzeke.or kanjani?
Serious ngicela uzilahlise lezinja zama bhujwa ngoba zona ziyathesha And futhi azina problem ngenyuku, umasizibhathula singabi nenkinga.

Qhelisa amagaata nama CPF eduze kwethu.

Uyazi nkulunkulu sisonke and wena wathi usiza abazisizayo or kanjani?
Baba ungawari ngiyohlala ngiyinja yakho and futhi uyazi kahle ukuthi mina
ngiyayenza into yami noma aboMbeki nalenja uNqakula besivalela ngaphandle
angibazondi.

Amen skhokho sami
Posted by: MTHWENTWEHLABA1

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 04/18/08 01:31 AM

Ma usudlala ngoJehovah suza dliwa zimpethu wethu. Anway somebody was asked to add that this place does not welcome you but they forgot. Noma nje uhlale ngenkani as an uncelebrated participant.
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/06/08 05:13 PM

Baptizing A Drunk

A man is stumbling through the woods totally drunk when he comes upon a preacher baptizing people in the river. The drunk walks into the water and subsequently bumps into the preacher. The preacher turns around and is almost overcome by the smell of booze. Whereupon he asks t he drunk, 'Are you ready to find Jesus?'

'Yes I am' replies the drunk, so the preacher grabs him and dunks him in the river. He pulls him up and asks the drunk, 'Brother have you found Jesus?'

The drunk replies, 'No, I haven't.' The preacher, shocked at the answer, dunks him into the water again, but for a bit longer this time. He pulls him out of the water and asks again, 'Have you found Jesus, my brother?' The drunk again answers, 'No, I have not found Jesus.' By this time the preacher is at his wits end so he dunks the drunk in the water again, but this time! he holds him down for about 30 seconds. When the drunk begins kicki ng his arms and legs, the preacher pulls him up. The preacher asks the drunk again, 'For the love of God, have you found Jesus?'

The drunk wipes his eyes and catches his breath and says to the preacher,



'Are you sure this is where he fell in?'



Posted by: Msupatsila

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/07/08 03:15 PM

Wife and Husband prepare to go to bed.

Wife starts to sing the national anthem: "Nkosi sikelela".

Husband asks: Why are you singing the National Anthem during bedtime?

Wife replies: when the people sing the anthem, they stand up, so I'm
hoping something will stand up, sengifile yindlala!"
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/11/08 12:53 PM

Everybody.. lets get this started and see what creative movie titles we can come up with.. here's the rules.. think up a movie title(ANY movie title), and add "Between Your Legs" to the movie title..it'll get it going

Cindy :- Rush Hour Between Your Legs

Patrick :- Gone with the wind Between your legs

Carl :- Finding Nemo Between your legs

Becci : Monsters inc, Between your legs

Nono: I am legend Between your legs

Jackie: Matrix Reloaded Between your legs

lindy: 28 days between your legs

lindy: men in black between yuor legs

chapsy:Just my luck between your legs

nozi : Brown Sugar between your legs

mnini: The Gods Must be Crazy between your legs
Posted by: ngubo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/12/08 08:48 PM

Elinye ijaha elizithandayo lasuka lana elondon lisiya eGoli lilihle lifake amachain lapha ezandleni kwazise phela likhonjwe ngenyintombi eliyithole kunet njalo lithemba ukuthi inhle.Lathi lifika lanjabula ngoba wayemuhle umntwana angani engangena ethoyilethi kuzaphuma icocobutter[amafutha]lapha ezibunu wahamba laye endlini lapho owabhandala khona imali enhle.Kwathi ebusuku undoda waphupha elabangane bakhe eLondon besindla benatha amabuy one get one free omunye umngane wakhe wasembuza ukuthi ukhethani ukuthi abeyiNKUKHU KUMBE INJA UMA ENGAFA wathi ufuna ukuba yinja bamhleka bathi engakhohla imisebenzi yenzinja[bamntshela ukuthi uzabe elala phandle njalo enethwa lizulu]watshintsha wathi kuncono abe yiNKUKU[abanhlekanga]uthe eloke elele wezwa ezibunu kutshisa wacabanga ukuthi konje uyinkuku iyabekhela lanye wenzanjalo.kondwa njengomuntu eqala wakhala kakhulu wazewethusa umntwana.Wamvusa embuza ukuthiyini wathi uyaphupha.Umntwana esenyanyile wathi USUBHOTSHILE NJA!!!!....
Posted by: mzukulu-kagogo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/14/08 11:19 AM

Themba got on the bus,sat next to a man reading a book,noticed he had his collar on backwards,the little boy asked why he wore his collar backwards.

The man ,who is a priest,said"l am a father"

Themba replied,"my father doesn't wear his collar that way"

The priest looked up from his book and answered"l am the father of many".

Thembasaid"my father has 4 girls and 4 boys and two grandchildren and he doesn't wear his collar that way"

The priest getting impatient,said"l am the father of hundreds"and went back to his reading.

Themba sat quietly thinking for a while,then leaned over and said,"maybe you should use a condom and wear your pants backwards instead of your collar"
Posted by: Madlenya

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/23/08 10:59 PM

Two Aerials meet on a roof - fall in love - get married

The ceremony was rubbish but the reception was Brilliant.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Man goes to the Doc, with a strawberry growing out of his head.

Doc says, "I'll give you some cream to put on it."

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Doc, I can't stop singing the green green grass of home."

"That sounds like Tom Jones syndrome."

"Is it common?"

"It's not unusual."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

A man takes his Rottweiler to the vet.

"My dog's cross-eyed, is there anything you can do for him?"

"Well," says the vet, "let's have a look at him"

So he picks the dog up and examines his eyes, then checks his teeth.

Finally, he says, "I'm going to have to put him down."

"What? Because he's cross-eyed? "

"No, because he's really heavy"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

"Doctor, I can't pronounce my F's, T's and H's."

"Well you can't say fairer than that then"

------------------------------------------------------------------

Two elephants walk off a cliff...... boom boom!

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I went to the dentist.

He said "Say Aaah."

I said "Why?"

He said "My dog's died."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I got home, and the phone was ringing. I picked it up, and said

'Who's speaking please?'

And a voice said "You are."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

So I rang up my local swimming baths.

I said 'Is that the local swimming baths?'

He said 'It depends where you're calling from.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I rang up a local building firm,

I said 'I want a skip outside my house.'

He said 'I'm not stopping you.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5
people in my family, so it must be one of them.

It's either my mum or my dad.

Or my older brother Colin.

Or my younger brother Ho-Cha-Chu.

But I think it's Colin.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

So I was in my car, and I was driving along, and my boss rang up, and
he said 'You've been promoted.'

And I swerved.

And then he rang up a second time and said 'You've been promoted
again.'

And I swerved again.

He rang up a third time and said 'You're managing director.'

And I went into a tree.

And a policeman came up and said

What happened to you?'

And I said 'I careered off the road.'

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Now, most dentists' chairs go up and down, don't they?

The one I was in went back and forwards.

I thought 'This is unusual'.

And the dentist said to me

'Mr. Cooper, get out of the filing cabinet.'

--------------------------------------------------------------------

So I was getting into my car, and this bloke says to me "Can you give
me a lift?"

I said "Sure, you look great, the world's your oyster, go for it."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two cannibals eating a clown. One says to the other

"Does this taste funny to you?"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, and
the other was eating fireworks.

They charged one and let the other one off.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today.

They left a little note on the windscreen; it said 'Parking Fine.'

So that was nice.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors,

The doctor said "I haven't seen you in a long time"

The man replied, "I know I've been ill"

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man walked into the doctors and said "I've hurt my arm in
several places"

The doctor said, "Well don't go to those places"

--------------------------------------------------------------------

I had a ploughman's lunch the other day.

He wasn't very happy.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day but I
couldn't find any.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I bought some HP sauce the other day.

It's costing me 6p a month for the next 2 years.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two blondes walk into a building.

You'd think at least one of them would have seen it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Phone answering machine message -

"...If you want to buy marijuana.............press the hash key..."

-------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to the butchers the other day and I bet him 50 quid that he
couldn't reach the meat off the top shelf.

He said, "No, the steaks are too high."

---------------------------------------------------------------------

My friend drowned in a bowl of muesli.

A strong currant pulled him in.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

A man came round in hospital after a serious accident.

He shouted, "Doctor, doctor, I can't feel my legs!"

The doctor replied, "I know you can't, I've cut your arms off".

---------------------------------------------------------------------

I went to a seafood disco last week...and pulled a mussel.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly.

They lit a fire in the craft, it sank, proving once and for all
that you can't have your kayak and heat it.

--------------------------------------------------------------------

Our ice cream man was found lying on the floor of his van covered
with hundreds and thousands.

Police say that he topped himself.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Two fat blokes in a pub, one says to the other "Your round."

The other one says "So are you, you fat slob!"
Posted by: omnyama

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 05/27/08 07:55 AM

uShenge Nabezindaba (back in the 80's)

Intatheli: Baba Sokalise kunamahebezi okuthi ungase ushiye ukuba umholi we IFP. Ngenxa yengcindezi yokuthi awusaphilile kahle ngexa yaso isifo sikashukela.

uShenge: Ngiyezwa nje amahemuhemu okuthi mangiphume ekubeni umholi weqembu le IFP ngenxa yabo belu laba abathi nginoshukela. Angazi noma bakebangikhotha yini?

uShenge eMondlo 1986

uShenge: Ngizwile nje ezindabeni ngabo belu onqeqe abayizintatheli ukuthi bathi mina angisazi Isilungu, angazi noma umsunu yini lo ekade ngiwukhuluma eFilidi.

uShenge emsakazweni 1982

Into engingayisho nje msakazi ukuthi umfundi waso Ngoye inzalo yesifebe nohlanya.

omnyama
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/09/08 07:22 PM

Waqonywa ke! uMfoka Gumede, kanti uqonywa yi sangoma. Lwafika olungaliwayo,
wakhwela phezu kwaso ngomthondo, washaya wagalela
ngempela umfoka Mguni, wazizwa ukuthi uyashaya impela kanti futhi
nesangoma siyachama, wathi uma eqeda esezwa ukuthi sesi chame kwaze
kwaba kathathu isangoma sazamula kakhulu maqede sathi

"Ayabonga amakhosi phela ubusabhebhisa idlozi nje, manje sekumele
ubhebhe mina njenge Ntombi yakho".

Posted by: Dabukamhlaba

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/13/08 11:09 AM

NEW JOB TITLES IN THE NEW SOUTH AFRICA in preparation for 2010!!!

Murderer : Population Stabilizer

Orphan : Independent Youngster

Beggar : Financial Gatherer

Cleaner : Hygiene Specialist

Rapist : Senior Practitioner in Sexual Practices

Gardener : Landscape Executive and Animal Nutritionist

House Maid : Family Environs Upkeep Manager

Receptionist :Front Office Manager/Office Access Control Specialist

Messenger : Business Communications Conveyer

Window Cleaner : Transparent Wall Technician

Temporary Teacher :Associate Tutor

Tea lady : Refreshment Overseer

Garbage Collector : Public Sanitation Technician

Watchman/security : Theft Prevention and Surveillance Officer or Wealth Distribution Prevention Officer

Prostitute : Practical Sexual Relations Officer

Thief : Wealth Distribution Officer

Driver : Automobile Propulsion Specialist

Maid : Domestic Operations Specialist

Employee without Portfolio : Administration Manager

Cook : Food Preparation Officer

Unemployed :Township Management


Gossiping :Research Management[size:11pt][/size]
Posted by: Zela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 06/15/08 04:11 AM

INKINGA YOMLIMI

A farmer orders an expensive milking machine. He decides to test it on

himself first, so he inserts his manhood into the equipment and turns on
the switch. Soon he realizes that the equipment provides him with more
pleasure than his wife does.
But when the fun is over, he realizes that he cannot remove the
instrument from his tool, anxiously he reads the manual, but does not
find any useful information.

He tries every button on the instrument, without success. Finally the
farmer decides to call the customer hotline. ''Hello, I just bought a
cow milking machine from your company, it works fantastic, but how do I
remove it from the cow's udder?'' "Don't worry sir'', replies the
customer service person, ''the machine will release automatically once

it has collected two litres!"

IYo! IYo! Yo! Yo!...........

Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/28/08 07:42 AM


INSTALLING A HUSBAND

Dear Tech support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a distinct slow down in overall system performance, particularly in the flower and jewelry applications, which operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0. In addition, Husband 1.0 uninstalled many other valuable programs, such as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5 and then installed undesirable programs such as NBA 5.0, NFL 3.0 and Golf 4.1. Conversation 8.0 no longer runs, and Housecleaning 2.6 simply crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems, but to no avail. What can I do? Signed,
Desperate.

Reply:

First keep in mind, Boyfriend 5.0 is an Entertainment Package, while Husband 1.0 is an operating system. Please enter command: ithoughtyoulovedme.html and try to download Tears 6.2 and don't forget to install the Guilt 3.0 update. If that application works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the applications Jewelry 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse of the above application can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence 2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Beer 6.1. Please note that Beer 6.1 is a very bad program that will download the Snoring Loudly Beta.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother- In-Law 1.0 (it runs a virus in the background that will eventually seize control of all your system resources.)
Also do not attempt to reinstall Boyfriend 5.0 program.
These are unsupported applications and will crash Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have limited memory and cannot learn new applications quickly. You might consider buying additional software to improve memory and performance. We recommend Cooking 3.0 and Hot Lingerie 7.7.

Good Luck,
Tech Support
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 08/28/08 07:43 AM

AYUBA bought a new mobile.
He sent a message to everyone from his Phone Book & said,
'My Mobile No. Has changed.
Earlier it was Nokia 3310. Now it is 6610'

============ ========= ========= ======
AYUBA : I am Proud, coz my son is in Medical College.
Friend: Really, what is he studying.
AYUBA: No, he is not studying, they are Studying him.

============ ========= ========= ========= ===
AYUBA: Doctor, in my dreams, I play football every night.
DR: Take this tablet, you will be ok.
AYUBA : Can I take it tomorrow, tonight is final game.

============ ========= ========= ========= ====
AYUBA : If I die, will u remarry?
Wife: No! I'll stay with my sister. But if I die will u remarry?
AYUBA : No, I'll also stay with your sister.

============ ========= ========= ========= ==
AYUBA : People consider me as a 'GOD'
Wife: How do you know??
AYUBA : When I went to the Park today, everybody said,
Oh GOD! U have come again..

============ ========= ========= ========= ====
AYUBA complained to the police: 'Sir, all items are missing,
except the TV in my house.'
Police: 'How the thief did not take TV?'
AYUBA : 'I was watching TV news...'

============ ========= ========= ========= ==
AYUBA comes back 2 his car & find a note saying 'Parking Fine'
He Writes a note and sticks it to a pole 'Thanks for compliment.'

============ ========= ========= ========= ======
How do you recognize AYUBA in School?
He is the one who erases the notes from the book when the teacher erases
the board.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========
Once AYUBA was walking he had a glove on one hand and not on other.
So the man asked him why he did so. He replied that the weather forecast
announced that on one hand it would be cold and on the other hand it would
be hot.

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ==
AYUBA in a bar and his cellular phone rings. He picks it up and
Says 'Hello, how did you know I was here?'

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
AYUBA : Why are all these people running?
Man - This is a race, the winner will get the cup
AYUBA - If only the winner will get the cup, why others running?

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= ===
Teacher: 'I killed a person' convert this sentence into future tense
AYUBA : The future tense is 'u will go to jail'

============ ========= ========= ========= ========= =====
AYUBA told his servant: 'Go and water the plants!'
Servant: 'It's already raining.'
AYUBA : 'So what? Take an umbrella and go.'



Posted by: bosso1926

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 09/04/08 09:43 AM

Ayuba:kuyini mama okuhlala ebhulugweni likababa okulekhanda elibomvu.
mama:ngizakubeta Ayuba usuxhwalile
Ayuba:nzwee yistiki somentshisi



[/quote]
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/09/08 12:04 PM

3 monkeys asked GOD if he could change them into
human beings,

GOD took out a picture of Robert Mugabe & said " like this?"

The monkeys replied simultaneously "Yekela mawungafuni mani"
Posted by: bosso1926

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/09/08 03:41 PM

A Ndebele was sitting with a Shona and a Tonga in Saudi Arabia sharing a smuggled barrel of beer,when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them.They were initially given a death sentence,but it was a national holiday the sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 slashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment the sheikh said,'Its my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping,but you can not wish not to be whipped!".The Tonga thought for a second and said,"Please tie me a pillow before your whipping,".This was done but the pilow lasted 10 slashes.The shona saw this and said,"Pliz tie me two pillows to my back before whipping".

This was done and lasted 20 slashes.The Ndebele saw this, but before he could make his own wish the sheikh said,"As you are from the western Zimbabwe with all the poverty and you share the same ethnicity with Mqabuko you are permitted to have two wishes!"

The Ndebele thought for a second,then said,"Thank you most Royal and merciful highness.My first wish is to receive 100 slashes with strongest,toughest whip available."

"If you so desire" the sheikh replied with a questioning look on his face,"and your second wish?"

'Tie the Shona on my back"
Posted by: ngubo

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/10/08 05:00 PM

UThabo loZuma bathole icontract yokusurpler amawule ngo2010 kudwa uThabo utshele uZuma ukuthi kamethembi ngoba engadla isitoko.
Posted by: bosso1926

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/10/08 06:31 PM

wafa mthakathi

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4
parachutes. The first passenger said, "I'm Zinedine Zidane, the world's
number 1 footballer. FIFA needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the
first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said,
"I am the wife of the former President of the United States , I am the most
ambitious woman in the world. I am also New York Senator and a potential
future President." She just took the 2nd parachute and jumped out of the
plane. The third passenger, Robert Mugabe, said, "I'm President of Zimbabwe
and I have 13 million helpless people who always look to me for guidance.
Above all I'm the cleverest President in African history, and Africa 's
people won't let me die". So he put on a pack next to him and jumped out of
the plane. The fourth passenger, Nelson Mandela, says to the fifth
passenger, a 10yr old Chinese school boy, "I'm old and have lived a fruitful
life, God will decide my fate, so I'll let you have the last parachute". The
boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. Africa 's cleverest
President (Robert Mugabe) has taken my schoolbag

--
Fear not, I will pilot thee
Posted by: bosso1926

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/10/08 07:02 PM



his first time


A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and

sex.

* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist." :omg:lol::lol::rofl::rofl:
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 10/31/08 02:26 PM

There was this crazy guy called Makhandakhanda.

He had a very big head. One day he went to a Sangoma

to get muti so that if people called him Makhandakhanda

they should die.



He went home and his mom asked him: 'Where do you

come from Makhandakhanda?' She died instantly.

He then went to the bank wearing a T - shirt with his name

on it. All the people called out his name and they all died.



He then took the money and ran.

He started counting the money, and when it reached R4 000 000,

he cried out in self - praise:



'HALALA!! Wadla Makhandakhanda. He died on the spot
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/04/08 01:02 PM


An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"


"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."


"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and everything is exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.


The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday
Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/11/08 01:59 PM


EXAM
General paper 1


13. Which is the ruling party in Zimbabwe ?
A. MDC-T
B. ZANU-PF
C. MDC
D. JOC

14. The staple food in Zimbabwe is ..............
A. Barley
B. Wheat
C. Sorgum mealie meal
D. Maize

15. ........... is/are Zimbabwe 's enermy number one.
A. Zeros
B. Inflation
C. Tsvangirai
D. Blair, Bush and Brown.

16. Who won the 2008 presidential elections in Zimbabwe ?
A. Robert Mugabe
B. Morgan Tsvangirai
C. Simba Makoni
D. Gedion Gono

17. Who among the Following is a hero of the democracy struggle?
A. Learnmore Jongwe
B. Border Gezi
C. Jonathan Moyo
D. Patrick Chinamasa.

18 ........... swallowed .............
A. The big fish Jonah
B. Zanu PF Zapu
C. Sea Fish
D. South Africa Lesotho

19. Robert Mugabe's other name is....................
A. Matibili
B. Bob
C. Dictator
D. Mgaxa

20. Zimbabweans who are living outside the country are called.............
A. Njivanas
B. Diasporians
C. Bakuru
D. BekuJoni

21. We buy meat .................
A. In the street
B. In houses
C. In butcheries
D. In the surrounding farms

22. ........... is a son of the Devil.
A. Mugabe
B. Chinotimba
C. A sinner
D. Chinamasa

23.We use ............. for cooking in urban areas.
A. firewood
B. gas stoves
C. electricity
D. Jelly stoves

24. A ................... eats kapenta fish.
A. Big fish
B. teacher
C. Zimbabwean
D. frog

25. ................. feed on mice.
A. Dogs
B. Shonas
C. Cats
D. Chickens

26. The most eaten meat in urban areas is ...............
A. beef
B. Soya meat
C. Matemba
D. pork

Posted by: mninimuzi

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/11/08 02:07 PM

Questions: 15 multiple choice.

Test time: 15 minutes



1. Isalakutshelwa sibona ................
A. Ngamehlo
B. Ngamagogorosi
C. Ngama Green bomber
D. Ngomopho

2. Isinkwa sidliwa ngasiphi isikhathi?
A. Khisimusi
B. Ekuseni
C. Kasikho eZimbabwe
D. Bengasithumezela eGoli

3. Ubaba uhamba edolobheni nge.............
A. Bhasikili
B. Nyawo
C. Ngemota
D. Nge pick up kumbe ngeZhing zhong


4. Umongameli weZimbabwe oweqiniso ngu..........
A. Mugabe
B. Gono
C. Tsvangirai
D. Makoni

5. USipho wahlangana loMusa esiya eVinkilini. Ngubani owayesiya evinkilini?
A. NguMusa
B. Akulazinto emavinkilini
C. NguSipho
D.Bonke bobabili.

6. UNjabulo wathenga isinkwa nge $50 bamtshintsha i$15. Isinkwa sasingamadola amangaki?
A. Kasikho isinkwa ezitolo.
B. Amatshumi amathathu lanhlanu
C. Amatshumi amahlanu
D.Ngamanga isinkwa siyi $80 000

7. Ebhalwini kwabonakala inyoka. Zazingaki inyoka ebhalwini?
A. Zazimbili
B. Yayiyodwa
C. Zazizinengi
D. Inyoka kazikho eZimbabwe

8. Ixoxo lakhwela idada lawa, yini elawayo?
A. Lixoxo
B. Lidada
C. konke
D. lidola

9. AmaRandi atshintshwa ........
A. KoMadube
B. KoMandlovu
C. KoSphatheleni
D. Ebhanga

10. Umbalisi Dlodlo utsheba ............. uzathola amafutha (Fats)
A. ngamatemba
B. ngamachunks
C. ngendumba zeWorld Vision
D. ngenhloko yengulube

11. Uhulumende wanika abantu ..................... umhlabathi.
A. beZANU PF
B. abamnyama
C. abadubekayo
D. amawovethi

12. Umuntu onothileyo.............
A. Yisipatsha
B. ngusiphatheleni
C. yisinothi
D. yinginga

13. Ulenkani njengo...............
A. Tsvangirayi
B. Mugabe
C. nwabu
D. tshongololo

14. Impahla engaduliyo ...........
A. itshiphile
B. ithengwe ematshayineni.
C. ithengwe kubokhathama
D. ithengwa eGoli

15. Ibandla elibusayo eZimbabwe yi........
A. MDC-T
B. MDC-M
C. Mavambo-Kusile
D. Zanu-PF

Posted by: Gumede

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 11/19/08 12:19 AM


TO MY DEAR WIFE:

During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be asleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactor because:

6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move


KEEP READING.......


TO M Y DEAR HUSBAND:

I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't come

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was runny

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.
Posted by: Bhakaniya

Size does matter - 11/20/08 02:03 PM

Kwanzima bakithi !!!!

Nazo-ke bakwethu. Lencwadi ibhalwe njengoba yatholwa.Akuguqulwanga
lutho,futhi akukho lutho olufakelwe.

Ya Thami,
Empilweni angiphili ngenziwa nguwena.Isisho siyasho ukuthi into enhle
ayidingi ukoniwa.Ungathi wena wanikwa ithuba wadlala ngalo bese ufuna
ukonela abanye.
Point No 1
Mina angisakufuni,futhi ngiyakuzonda.Le decision kade ngayithatha from
December.Ngidinwa yizinto owazenza esingekho nesidingo sokuthi
ngizichaze ngoba uyazazi

Point No 2:
Wena into engenza ngikuzonde ukuthi wena ucabanga ukuthi unegolide kanti
cha.Wena usuhamba utshela amafriends akho ukuthi mina ngiyakulandela,
wena awusangifuni ,Ukhohliwe ukuthi nguwena owangisukela weza kithi
futhi wangifonela uthi ngize , ngeza namingithi ngizozwa ukuthi uthini ,
only to find ukuthi ukhuluma ezothando,
nami ngehlisa umoya.Ususuka lapho utshela abangani bakho uma ngifuna
into bese uthi ngizozama inhlanhla kuwe , kanti wena ucabanga utkuthi
ungubani?
Bakwenza isilima ngoba bona bayazondla izintombi zabo.Futhi engithanda
ukukugcizelela ukuthi wena ufanele ukuthi ungiphe imali or anything
engiyidingayo ngoba:
1.Umubi wena kungathi wawubhoshelwa abantu ufana nesibuxesi mina
ngimuhle. Ngaleyo ndlela uyangincenga ukuthi mina ngijole nawe. Uma
kuthiwa waba yisikhindi wawuzoba uwakiki , uma kuthiwa waba wumoya
wawuzoba umsuzo , uma kuthiwa waba yimbobo wawuzoba yimbobo
yokubhosha,Uma kuthiwa waba amehlo wawuzoba yindlobho, uma kuthiwa waba
yizicathulo wawuzoba yizimbadada.

2.Ugqoka kabi awuphethe sitayela.

3.Awungibhebhi , ungishaya nto ka 1 round ebhorayo.Kulowo 1 wakho
uyashesha nokuchama bese uthi unenyongo.Ayikho intombazane engayimela
lento,ulibele ukuthi wena wawucushiwe kanti vele awunaso nesitamina
futhi uhluleka nokufenda ,uze ufendiswe yimi,sisi!!!!Kulowo mzuzu ipipi
lakho kungathi ucikicane (uyisidalwa oe)

4.Awungikhiphi .Into oyaziyo ukuhirisha izithombe zo James Bond
ungigqume emjondolo wakho.

5.Nawe futhi ububona ukuthi uzongiluza ngoba awunawo ama qualities
okuthi ungajola nami.Futhi bengikuzama ngokujola nawe ,abantu bese bethi
sengiyahlanya yini ngokuthi ngijole nomuntu oyi opposite yami.

6.Ngicela wazi ukuthi sengijola nomngani wakho uNhlanhla, muhle ugqoka
kahle uyangibhebha futhi unepipi elikhulu leli engilidingayo.Uma
engibhebha kungathi ubhebha intombi nto kwazise ukuthi he's to big for
my vagina lento yona engayazi.

7.Sengishilo ukuthi angisakufuni futhi angisoze ngakufuna.Khohlwa
yimina.Indaba ye Cap ithi ngeke uyithole i Cap yakho,kungcono ukhohlwe
yiyo.Uma ufuna i Cap yakho nami ngicela ingquza(ikuku) yami.Hayi-ke
lapho uzoyithola iCap yakho.Futhi ungalibele ungimisa emgwaqeni not
unless uphethe ingquza yami ngesandla.


Okay
Good luck totolozana!!!!
Igama ligodliwe...............
Posted by: okaMabhedla

Re: Size does matter - 11/21/08 12:17 PM

A gay guy is in a public toilet doing his business at the urinal when
Another gentleman stands next to him.

The guys pulls out his manhood and starts to do his thing.

The mofie couldn't help but notice how large the stranger's "tool" was.
With his eyes wide open he asks the stranger, "What on earth is
that????"

The stranger replies, "That's my petrol pump...."

The mofie excitedly takes his wallet out, bends over with his ass high
in the air and says......." I'll have a R100 unleaded please....
Posted by: Gaselomhle

Re: Size does matter - 11/25/08 12:12 PM

The Proprietor of an underwear making company was having a tough time with stock shortages. On departure for home all employees' bags were searched and everything always seemed to be ok. All security measures you can think of were put in place, but still no one was caught and stock continued to disappear. In addition to all the available security, all employees including mgt were to be checked if on departure each was wearing just one pair of panties. Stock still went missing and no one was caught with more than one pair.

Then one day he had a dream. He was being advised to check the employees on arrival.

He got the shock of his life when he found that ??????????.

NONE OF THE EMPLOYEES INCLUDING MANAGEMENT HAD A PAIR OF PANTIES ON THEM.
Posted by: sidindangandlela

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 12/03/08 08:58 AM

hk ha hkhk hk ayi yuangiqamula yazi
Posted by: Bhakaniya

Nize nibayalele onkosikazi benu.. - 12/18/08 12:33 PM

IMITHETHO YENDODA

1. Mcuphe umfazi.

2. Mdlise ezwe wena.

3. Akalahle abangani bakhe.

4. Mfihlele inombolo yakho yase bangi.

5. Umhholo wakhe awunike wena wonke.

6. Angaligqoki idilozi uma kuyolalwa.

7. Ukudla makungezi kuwe sekuphakiwe ? uzokudlisa.

8. Bangavakasha osbali bakho besfazane - not abesilisa.

9. Uma nixabene mngenise ekamelweni a-Modele, sibone ukuthi nizophuma nisaxabene yini.

10. Ungavumi akuthinte isende, habe uyohlale ucabanga yena yedwa abafazi bebaningi kangaka.

11. Ungahleki kakhulu naye uzokujwayela.

12. Yiba namandla ocansini uchathe, alamanise eduze umqede inkani.

13. Umfazi akuyena owakini. Ukuze ungaphoxeki ngolunye usuku, thola omunye umfazi wesibili.

14. Ubomsakaza ngempama umfazi kungenzekanga lutho nje, abuye axolise yena kuwe.

15. Akubize ngesthakazelo sakho, hayi ngegama. Uzalwa uye yini?

16. Mudle ngendlela yokuthi angayicabangi enye indoda ukuthi inepipi.

17. Uma ekubambe nentombi, ungaxolisi mngene ngepipi engakakhulumi nje.

18. Umfazi kufanele akwamukele ukuthi kungenzeka izingane zakomakhelwane zifane nawe.

19. Mxoshe uma ethi lincane ipipi lakho, imihlola yini lincane uma eliqhathanisa nelikabani.

20. Angalokothi agibele ngaphezulu noma afende, ubufebe lobo, wafundiswa ubani lokho.



Uma uyindoda phalaza bayadlisana labantu.
Posted by: sash

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/01/09 05:28 AM

inkundla

Jokes for the new year


New Year Prayer for the Elderly

God, grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway,

The good fortune to run into the ones that I do,

And the eyesight to tell the difference.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


New Year?s Day Prayer for one and all

Dear Lord, so far this year I?ve done well. I haven?t gossiped, I haven?t lost my temper, I haven?t been greedy, grumpy, nasty, selfish, or overindulgent. I?m very thankful for that. But in a few minutes, Lord, I?m going to get out of bed, and from then on I?m probably going to need a lot more help. Amen



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A New Year?s Wish

On New Year?s Eve, Marilyn stood up in the local pub and said that it was time to get ready. At the stroke of midnight, she wanted every husband to be standing next to the one person who made his life worth living.


Well, it was kind of embarrassing. As the clock struck - the bartender was almost crushed to death.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


When I thought about the evils of drinking in the New Year. I gave up thinking.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


How to Quit Smoking

Peter, at a New Year?s party, turns to his friend, Ken, and asks for a cigarette.


?I thought you made a New Year?s resolution to quit smoking,? Ken responds.

?I?m in the process of quitting,? replies Peter with a grin. ?Right now, I am in the middle of phase one.?


?Phase one?? wonders Ken.


?Yeah,? laughs Peter, ?I?ve quit buying.




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


A Bad Dream?

Jemima was taking an afternoon nap on New Year?s Eve before the festivities. After she woke up, she confided to Max, her husband, ?I just dreamed that you gave me a diamond ring for a New Year?s present. What do you think it all means??


?Aha, you?ll know tonight,? answered Max smiling broadly.


At midnight, as the New Year was chiming, Max approached Jemima and handed her small package. Delighted and excited she opened it quickly. There in her hand rested a book entitled: ?The meaning of dreams?.



--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


?A New Year?s resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other? - Anonymous




--------------------------------------------------------------------------------


?Good resolutions are simply checks that men draw on a bank where they have no account? - Oscar Wilde

Posted by: Emz

Re: IMBAMBO ZIYEPHUKA PART 2 - 01/18/09 11:25 PM

Umbalisikazi uficwe ngamaWhorevet ebiza i-register:

Siphilanzima Mdlongwa, Sizolithath'ilizwe Gumede, Sibuswayizinja Khumalo, Kozekubenini Mdluli....etc