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Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
3 monkeys asked GOD if he could change them into
human beings,

GOD took out a picture of Robert Mugabe & said " like this?"

The monkeys replied simultaneously "Yekela mawungafuni mani"

To err is humane..But when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil,you are overdoing it.
lgeja libuya nenkankula
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28
A Ndebele was sitting with a Shona and a Tonga in Saudi Arabia sharing a smuggled barrel of beer,when all of a sudden the police entered and arrested them.They were initially given a death sentence,but it was a national holiday the sheikh decided they should be released after each receiving 20 slashes of the whip.

As they were preparing for their punishment the sheikh said,'Its my first wife's birthday today and she asked me to allow each of you one wish before your whipping,but you can not wish not to be whipped!".The Tonga thought for a second and said,"Please tie me a pillow before your whipping,".This was done but the pilow lasted 10 slashes.The shona saw this and said,"Pliz tie me two pillows to my back before whipping".

This was done and lasted 20 slashes.The Ndebele saw this, but before he could make his own wish the sheikh said,"As you are from the western Zimbabwe with all the poverty and you share the same ethnicity with Mqabuko you are permitted to have two wishes!"

The Ndebele thought for a second,then said,"Thank you most Royal and merciful highness.My first wish is to receive 100 slashes with strongest,toughest whip available."

"If you so desire" the sheikh replied with a questioning look on his face,"and your second wish?"

'Tie the Shona on my back"

sesikhona thina oMpumas one time,uzowuzwa umoya
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 53
Joined: May 2008
Posts: 53
UThabo loZuma bathole icontract yokusurpler amawule ngo2010 kudwa uThabo utshele uZuma ukuthi kamethembi ngoba engadla isitoko.

Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28
wafa mthakathi

An airplane was about to crash; there were 5 passengers on board but only 4
parachutes. The first passenger said, "I'm Zinedine Zidane, the world's
number 1 footballer. FIFA needs me, I can't afford to die." So he took the
first pack and left the plane. The second passenger, Hillary Clinton, said,
"I am the wife of the former President of the United States , I am the most
ambitious woman in the world. I am also New York Senator and a potential
future President." She just took the 2nd parachute and jumped out of the
plane. The third passenger, Robert Mugabe, said, "I'm President of Zimbabwe
and I have 13 million helpless people who always look to me for guidance.
Above all I'm the cleverest President in African history, and Africa 's
people won't let me die". So he put on a pack next to him and jumped out of
the plane. The fourth passenger, Nelson Mandela, says to the fifth
passenger, a 10yr old Chinese school boy, "I'm old and have lived a fruitful
life, God will decide my fate, so I'll let you have the last parachute". The
boy said, "It's OK, there's a parachute left for you. Africa 's cleverest
President (Robert Mugabe) has taken my schoolbag

Fear not, I will pilot thee

sesikhona thina oMpumas one time,uzowuzwa umoya
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 28

his first time

A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night

and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a

big event, the girl announces to her boyfriend that

after dinner, she would like to go out and make love

for the first time.

* * * * * * * * *

Well, the boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex

before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacist to get

some condoms. He tells the pharmacist it's his first time and

the pharmacist helps the boy for about an hour.

He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and


* * * * * * * * *

At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many

condoms he'd like to buy, a 3-pack, 10-pack, or family

pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he

thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.

* * * * * * * * *

That night, the boy shows up at the girl's parents

house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm

so excited for you to meet my parents, come on in!"

* * * * * * * * *

The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table

where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly

offers to say grace and bows his head.

* * * * * * * * *

A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer,

with his head down.

* * * * * * * * *

10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy.

* * * * * * * * *

Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the

girlfriend leans over and whispers to the

boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."

* * * * * * * *

The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your

father was a pharmacist." :omg:lol::lol::rofl::rofl:

sesikhona thina oMpumas one time,uzowuzwa umoya
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
There was this crazy guy called Makhandakhanda.

He had a very big head. One day he went to a Sangoma

to get muti so that if people called him Makhandakhanda

they should die.

He went home and his mom asked him: 'Where do you

come from Makhandakhanda?' She died instantly.

He then went to the bank wearing a T - shirt with his name

on it. All the people called out his name and they all died.

He then took the money and ran.

He started counting the money, and when it reached R4 000 000,

he cried out in self - praise:

'HALALA!! Wadla Makhandakhanda. He died on the spot

To err is humane..But when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil,you are overdoing it.
lgeja libuya nenkankula
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 517
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 517

An old lady was standing at the railing of the cruise ship
holding her hat tight
so that it would not blow away in the wind.

A gentleman approached her and said,
"Pardon me, madam.
I do not intend to be forward
but did you know that your dress
is blowing up in this high wind?"

"Yes, I know," said the lady.
"I need both my hands
to hold onto this hat."

"But madam, you must know that you are
not wearing any panties
and everything is exposed!"
said the gentleman in earnest.

The woman looked down,
then back up at the man
and replied,
"Sir, anything you see down there
is 85 years old.
I just bought this hat yesterday

>>Aspire to Inspire before you Expire<<
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456

General paper 1

13. Which is the ruling party in Zimbabwe ?

14. The staple food in Zimbabwe is ..............
A. Barley
B. Wheat
C. Sorgum mealie meal
D. Maize

15. ........... is/are Zimbabwe 's enermy number one.
A. Zeros
B. Inflation
C. Tsvangirai
D. Blair, Bush and Brown.

16. Who won the 2008 presidential elections in Zimbabwe ?
A. Robert Mugabe
B. Morgan Tsvangirai
C. Simba Makoni
D. Gedion Gono

17. Who among the Following is a hero of the democracy struggle?
A. Learnmore Jongwe
B. Border Gezi
C. Jonathan Moyo
D. Patrick Chinamasa.

18 ........... swallowed .............
A. The big fish Jonah
B. Zanu PF Zapu
C. Sea Fish
D. South Africa Lesotho

19. Robert Mugabe's other name is....................
A. Matibili
B. Bob
C. Dictator
D. mgabe

20. Zimbabweans who are living outside the country are called.............
A. Njivanas
B. Diasporians
C. Bakuru
D. BekuJoni

21. We buy meat .................
A. In the street
B. In houses
C. In butcheries
D. In the surrounding farms

22. ........... is a son of the Devil.
A. Mugabe
B. Chinotimba
C. A sinner
D. Chinamasa

23.We use ............. for cooking in urban areas.
A. firewood
B. gas stoves
C. electricity
D. Jelly stoves

24. A ................... eats kapenta fish.
A. Big fish
B. teacher
C. Zimbabwean
D. frog

25. ................. feed on mice.
A. Dogs
B. Shonas
C. Cats
D. Chickens

26. The most eaten meat in urban areas is ...............
A. beef
B. Soya meat
C. Matemba
D. pork

To err is humane..But when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil,you are overdoing it.
lgeja libuya nenkankula
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
Joined: Aug 2005
Posts: 456
Questions: 15 multiple choice.

Test time: 15 minutes

1. Isalakutshelwa sibona ................
A. Ngamehlo
B. Ngamagogorosi
C. Ngama Green bomber
D. Ngomopho

2. Isinkwa sidliwa ngasiphi isikhathi?
A. Khisimusi
B. Ekuseni
C. Kasikho eZimbabwe
D. Bengasithumezela eGoli

3. Ubaba uhamba edolobheni nge.............
A. Bhasikili
B. Nyawo
C. Ngemota
D. Nge pick up kumbe ngeZhing zhong

4. Umongameli weZimbabwe oweqiniso ngu..........
A. Mugabe
B. Gono
C. Tsvangirai
D. Makoni

5. USipho wahlangana loMusa esiya eVinkilini. Ngubani owayesiya evinkilini?
A. NguMusa
B. Akulazinto emavinkilini
C. NguSipho
D.Bonke bobabili.

6. UNjabulo wathenga isinkwa nge $50 bamtshintsha i$15. Isinkwa sasingamadola amangaki?
A. Kasikho isinkwa ezitolo.
B. Amatshumi amathathu lanhlanu
C. Amatshumi amahlanu
D.Ngamanga isinkwa siyi $80 000

7. Ebhalwini kwabonakala inyoka. Zazingaki inyoka ebhalwini?
A. Zazimbili
B. Yayiyodwa
C. Zazizinengi
D. Inyoka kazikho eZimbabwe

8. Ixoxo lakhwela idada lawa, yini elawayo?
A. Lixoxo
B. Lidada
C. konke
D. lidola

9. AmaRandi atshintshwa ........
A. KoMadube
B. KoMandlovu
C. KoSphatheleni
D. Ebhanga

10. Umbalisi Dlodlo utsheba ............. uzathola amafutha (Fats)
A. ngamatemba
B. ngamachunks
C. ngendumba zeWorld Vision
D. ngenhloko yengulube

11. Uhulumende wanika abantu ..................... umhlabathi.
B. abamnyama
C. abadubekayo
D. amawovethi

12. Umuntu onothileyo.............
A. Yisipatsha
B. ngusiphatheleni
C. yisinothi
D. yinginga

13. Ulenkani njengo...............
A. Tsvangirayi
B. Mugabe
C. nwabu
D. tshongololo

14. Impahla engaduliyo ...........
A. itshiphile
B. ithengwe ematshayineni.
C. ithengwe kubokhathama
D. ithengwa eGoli

15. Ibandla elibusayo eZimbabwe yi........
C. Mavambo-Kusile
D. Zanu-PF

To err is humane..But when the eraser wears out ahead of the pencil,you are overdoing it.
lgeja libuya nenkankula
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 211
Joined: Dec 2005
Posts: 211


During the past year I have tried to make love to you 365 times. The following is a list of why I did not succeed more often:

54 times the sheets were clean

17 times it was too late

49 times you were too tired

20 times it was too hot

15 times you pretended to be asleep

22 times you had a headache

17 times you were afraid of waking the baby

16 times you said you were too sore

12 times it was the wrong time of the month

19 times you had to get up early

9 times you said weren't in the mood

7 times you were sunburned

6 times you were watching the late show

5 times you didn't want to mess up your new hairdo

3 times you said the neighbors would hear us

9 times you said your mother would hear us

Of the 36 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactor because:

6 times you just laid there

8 times you reminded me there's a crack in the ceiling

4 times y ou told me to hurry up and get it over with

7 times I had to wake you and tell you I finished

1 time I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move



I think you have things a little confused. Here are the reasons you didn't get more than you did:

5 times you came home drunk and tried to screw the cat

36 times you did not come home at all

21 times you didn't come

33 times you came too soon

19 times you went soft before you got in

38 times you worked too late

10 times you got cramps in your toes

29 times you had to get up early to play golf

2 times you were in a fight and some one kicked you in the balls

4 times you got it stuck in your zipper

3 times you had a cold and your nose was runny

2 times you had a splinter in your finger

20 times you lost the notion after thinking about it all day

6 times you came in your pajamas while reading a dirty book 98 times you were too busy watching football, baseball, etc. on T V

Of the times we did get together:

The reason I laid still was because you missed and were screwing the sheets.

I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling, what I said was, "Would you prefer me on my back or kneeling?"

The time you felt me move was because you farted and I was trying to breathe.

Ubukhosi ngamazolo.
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