Mzali othandekayo sekungaphezu kwamandla ami! Safa iphunga geza ingane bo! Yimina Utitsha ozithobayo. Reply utitsha othandekayo

Fundisa ingane bo musa ukuyinuka mhlathikanyoko. Ngenzela lina enithandana nezingane zesikoloukuthi ningasondeli kuyona. Zinja ngozithobileyo umzali

Mzali othandekayo sekungaphezu kwamandla ami! Safa iphunga geza ingane bo! Yimina Utitsha ozithobayo. Reply utitsha othandekayo

Fundisa ingane bo musa ukuyinuka mhlathikanyoko. Ngenzela lina enithandana nezingane zesiko loukuthi ningasondeli kuyona. Zinja ngozithobileyo umzali

Mzali othandekayo sekungaphezu kwamandla ami! Safa iphunga geza ingane bo! Yimina Utitsha ozithobayo. Reply utitsha othandekayo

Fundisa ingane bo musa ukuyinuka mhlathikanyoko. Ngenzela lina enithandana nezingane zesikolo ukuthi ningasondeli kuyona. Zinja ngozithobileyo umzali

Bafowethu.

Hayi aaaghhhh.

How kamu he didi noti finishi??? The Led Lingarie mar-chiz the Animal design.

Doc, wena Doc, hk hk hk.

Li Zwangendaba.

A wife was in bed with her lover when she heard her husband's
key in the door. "Stay where you are," she said. "He's so drunk
he
won't even notice you're in bed with me."?
Sure enough, the husband lurched into bed none the wiser, but a
few
minutes later, through a drunken haze, he saw six feet sticking
out
at the end of the bed.?
He turned to his wife: "Hey, there are six feet in this bed.
There should only be four. What's going on?"
"Nonsense," said the wife. "You're so drunk you miscounted.
Get out of bed and try again. You can see better from over
there."?
The husband climbed out of bed and counted. "One, two, three,
four.
Damn, you're right."?

Battery Powered Love


As a woman passes her daughter's closed bedroom door, she heard a strange buzzing noise coming from within. Opening the door, she observed her daughter giving herself a real workout with a vibrator.

Shocked, she asked: "what in the world are you doing?"

The daughter replied: "Mom, I'm thirty-five years old, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

the next day, the girl's father heard the same buzz coming from the other side of the closed bedroom door. Upon entering the room, he observed his daughter making passionate love to her vibrator.

To his query as to what she was doing, the daughter said: "Dad I’m thirty-five, unmarried, and this thing is about as close as I’ll ever get to a husband. Please, go away and leave me alone."

A couple of days later, the wife came home from a shopping trip, placed the groceries on the kitchen counter, and heard that buzzing noise coming from, of all places, the living room!

She entered that area and observed her husband sitting on the couch, downing a cold beer, and staring at the TV. The vibrator was next to him on the couch, buzzing like crazy.

The wife asked: "What the hell are you doing?" the husband replied "I’m watching football with my son-in-law.

A man was treated to a "dog style" by his wife for the first time and he had the time of his life.

A week later he wanted it again but had forgotten the name, so he says, "yenza leyana ungani ufuna ukungibhotshela naka mtwana"

Kanti madoda lingenwe yini lifuna ukungiqamulela imbambo so.
Le eyakho Mbulawa angikaze ngiyizwe selokho ngathwetshulwa yingwe.

ha ha mbulawa kunzima baba!!!!.kuhle ukwazi ukuthi lanxa kubuhlungu lezinsuku kusakhoan nokubobotheka.

Hk hk hk hk ah Hayi Mbulawa, sizaku sasipenda lapha ngoba uzalimaza imbambo zabanye.

A Zulu lady was making love to a Nigerian guy and the lady kept on saying Nkhathele! And the guy said don't worry about Alcatel I'll buy you Nokia 3310 babee!!

Mninimuzi! Utshayile

A farmer discovers that his hens are no longer laying any eggs as he likes them to. So he takes his guns and fires 3 shots and says "namuhla lizangitshela olifundise ukugqoka i condom ngubani.

Phiri enjoying green mealies at mother inlaw's place, "ambumbu amamazala asoft, amnandi and amanzi but kupera maningi boya mani"

ah ehe, hayike, asazi.

please pronounce like people from mpumalanga,,as this was an interview of a transport MEC who is from M.........

interviewer::"So how are you assisting the public with their transportation to work"?
MEC : "Ehh here in Masvingo we h-have 7 Makhopholozi ,in Harare we have 3 Makhopolozi,unfortunately in bhuruweyo we have 1 Khopolo"

NB makhopolo is Marcopolo buses

Indian guy goes into a brothel in Amsterdam one night and finds
himself a prostitute. He asks her, "How much do you charge for the
hour
meisie?" "$100," she replies. So he asks, "awright do you do Indian
style?" She says "No!"
He then asks her, "I'll pay you $200 to do The Indian style?" She
again
says no, not knowing what the Indian style was! So he then offers
her
$300.
Again she declines his offer. So finally he says, "I'll give you $500
to
go Indian style with me!"
Finally she agrees thinking, "Well I've been in the game for over 10
years now, I've been there and done that, had every kind of request
from
weirdo's from every corner of the world. How bad could Indian style
be?"
So she goes ahead and has s*x with him, doing it in every kind of way
and in every possible position. Finally, after several intense hours
they finish. Exhausted, the hooker turns to him and says, "That was
fantastic. I've never enjoyed it so much. But I was expecting
something
perverted and disgusting. Where does the 'Indian style' come in?"

The Indian guy replies... "I'll pay you next week"

Kulenye impintshi yesi tshoneni eyayiyisacuthe, yakhetsha umangumba eklabu yahamba laye yayanyoba. Yathi isiqedile umangumba esefuna igeje, impintshi yakhupha iphepha le Jairos Jiri, elithi "Help this man, with anything you have, blah blah blah...".

LETTER TO WOOLWORTHS




Dear Sir/Madam


I acknowledge receipt of your letter dated 7 January 2007 in which for the third time, you request that I pay the monies owed to you. I first want you to know that by no means do I dispute my debt and I intend to reimburse you as soon as possible.

However, I bring to your attention that I have many more creditors, quite as honourable as you, and whom I wish to reimburse too. That is why, each month, I throw all the names of my creditors into a hat and draw one randomly whom I hasten to refund immediately.

I hope that yours will come out shortly.

Sincerely Yours,
Sipho

PS: I have great regret in informing you that given the unceremonious tone of your last letter, you will not be taking part in the next three draws.

Bafowethu.

A customer laying a complaint to her computer service provider:

"Hie, good afternoon, this is Sithabile. I can't print. Everytime I try it says ""Can't find printer"". I've even lifted the printer and placed it in front of the monitor, but the computer still says it can't find it ..."

Li Zwangendaba.

Gauteng Metro policeman pulled a car over and told the
driver that because he had been wearing his seat belt he
had just won R5 000, in an Arrive Alive safety competition.


Being a Zimbabwean, the driver could hardly believe his
luck. "What are you going to do with your cash?" asked the
traffic cop. "Well I guess I'm going to get a drivers
licence," he answered.

"Oh, don't listen to him," yelled a woman in the passenger
seat. "He tries to be smart when he's drunk."

This woke up the guy in the back seat who took one look at
the cop and moaned, "I knew we wouldn't get far in a stolen
car."

At that moment there was a knock from the boot and a voice
said, "Are we over the border yet?"

The cop fainted.

Ezakho wena popayi,ngizakulethele ezikhuphayo khangela ubone hk hk hk

Woman has Man in it;

Mrs. has Mr. in it;
Female has Male in it;
She has He in it;
Madam has Adam in it;
No wonder men always want to be inside women!
ANSWER IS
Men were born between the legs of a woman, yet men spend all their
Life and time trying to go back between the legs of a woman...... Why?
BECAUSE IT'S HOME SWEET HOME

ndo uyiskhokho

Bafowethu.

Another customer requesting his forgotten Password:

Tech. support - "Your password is the small letter "a" as in apple, followed by a capital letter "V" as in victor, and then the the number "7".

Customer - "Is that 7 in capital letters?"

Li Zwangendaba.

God had created the donkey and said to him.
"You will be a donkey. You will work un-tiringly from sunrise to sunset
carrying burdens on your back. You will eat grass,
you will have no intelligence and you will live 50 years."

The donkey answered:
"I will be a donkey, but to live 50 years is much. Give me only 20 years"
God granted his wish.
..

God created the dog and said to him:
"You will guard the house of man. You will be his best Friend.
You will eat the scraps that he gives you and you will live 30 years.
You will be a dog. "

The dog answered:
"Sir, to live 30 years is too much,give me only 15 years.
" God granted his wish.
..

God created the monkey and said to him:
"You will be a monkey. You will swing from branch to branch doing tricks.
You will be amusing and you will live

20 years. "

The monkey answered:
"To live 20 years is too much, give me only 10 years."
God granted his wish.
..

Finally God created man and said to him:
"You will be man, the only rational creature on the face of the earth.
You will use your intelligence to become master over all the animals..
You will dominate the world and you will live 20 years."

Man responded:
"Sir, I will be a man but to live only

20 years is very little,
give me the 30 years that the donkey refused,
the 15 years that the dog did not want and
the 10 years the monkey refused.
" God granted man's wish
..

And since then, man lives

20 years as a man ,

marries and spends 30 years like a donkey,
working and carrying all the burdens on his back.

Then when his children are grown,
he lives 15 years like a dog taking care of the house
and eating whatever is given to him,

so that when he is old,
he can retire and live 10 years like a monkey,
going from house to house and from one son or
daughter to another doing tricks to amuse his grandchildren.

That's Life.

I received a letter from my grandmother last week. She is eighty-eight years old and still drives her own car. She writes:

Dear Ze,

The other day I went up to our local Christian bookstore and saw a "honk if you love Jesus" bumper sticker. I was feeling particularly sassy that day because I had just come from a thrilling choir performance, followed by thunderous prayer meeting. So I bought the sticker and put it on my bumper.

Boy, I'm glad I did, what an uplifting experience that followed. I was stopped at a red light at a busy intersection, just lost in thought about the Lord and how good he is, and I didn't notice that the light had changed. It is a good thing someone else loves Jesus because if he hadn't honked, I'd never have noticed. I found that lots of people love Jesus!

Why, while I was sitting there, the guy behind started honking like crazy, and then he leaned out of his window and screamed, "For the love of God! Go! Go! Go! Jesus Christ Go!"
What an exuberant Cheerleader he was for Jesus! Everyone started honking!
I just leaned out my window and I started waving and smiling at all those loving people. I even honked my horn a few times to share in the love!
There must have been a man from Margate back there because I heard him yelling something about a "sunny beach".

I saw another guy waving in a funny way.. with only his middle finger stuck up in the air. I asked your cousin George in the back seat what that meant.
He said it was probably a Zulu good luck sign or something.

Well, I've never met anyone from Zululand , so I leaned out the window and gave him the good luck sign back. George burst out laughing... why, even he was enjoying this religious experience! A couple of the people were so caught up in the joy of the moment that they got out of their cars and started walking towards me. I bet they wanted to pray or ask what church I attended, but this is when I noticed the light had changed. So, I waved at all my brothers and sisters grinning, and drove on through the intersection.

I noticed I was the only car that got through the intersection before the light changed again and felt kind of sad that I had to leave them.
After all the love we had shared. So I slowed the car down, leaned out the window and gave them all the Zulu good luck sign one last time as I drove away.

Praise the Lord for such wonders.

Love,
Grandma

Inde lejoke yakho wena mdala...

Kulomfana owathatha iKhumbi waya epulazi lomlungu ebusuku,wafika wantshontsha izimvu.Wazigqokisa amaGemesi eZion kanye lamaqhiye wazihlalisa ngezibhunu wazi faka amaSeatbelt yagcwala i18 seater,ahambeke uthe esengene iThara wamiswa ngamopholisa.Hayi bakhulumeke,athi umfana hayi polisa ngithwele omama besonto bavela emlindelweni badiniwe.Hayi ipolisa lithi akengibingelele omama mfana libhode ngale livule isivalo lithi "Salibona ni bomama" into eyamangalisa ipholisa yikuthi labomama banyemukula kanye kanye nxa evula unyango kodwa bangaphendula.Kanki futhi babelo buso obunguphongolo.Laphinda futhi"Salibonani bomama besonto,Babegomela nje,lenzandla zabo zilokhu ziya emuva laphambili.Kwacaca ukuthi kukhona okutshsya manzi...lamtshonela umfana.

Egoli sasihlala ku 1bedroom flat singamadoda alitshumi,kwazise imikhuba kwakukwabokwayo!!!Omunye undoda owayethanda ukuzijabulisa ngokocansi wahamba eclub okuthiwa yiNjabula Ebusuku.Sezwa esefika ngabo 2am kodwa kuzwakala ukuthi kukhona intombi ahambalayo.hayi balaleke,ngomva kwesikhatshana baqale umsebezi,undoda ngabona waphangisa ukutshaya intambo.Sezwa sekuthule sabuyesezwa Nditshe!! Nditshe!! sezwa Pha!! impama ezibunu zendoda.Ndiiiitsheeeeee!!!Ndiiiitsheee!!undifumane pha wandixelela ukuba uzakuditsha ndinye Ndiiitsheeee!!!Impama yayilokhu ikhale njalo ezibunu zendoda.Sezwa emnyameni ngelizwi elihawulisayo"Sengisuthi" Tshini undi hluthi!!! undi hluthi!!! undi hluthi ntoni?!!!Uzondi phambanela apha!!Ndiiitsheee!!!Manje embedeni oseceleni kwakulele UsekaNono(umuntu owayesethe ukukhula kancane) sezwa emnyameni esithi"Haaaa wavelelwa umuntu wabantu bakithi"Kwahleka indluyonke,savele savuka sathi akakhuzwe lomuntu engakabulali umfokaDube.hayi yayi ngayithathi inosense intombazana yeXhosa.

Kodwa Nkunzi kabhejani, abetswana bathi wafusa (nguwena lo owatshaywa ngumXhosa. I enjoyed this one keep it up and them rolling

tyini, uyaxoka apha mfondini

UMgabe (olobuso angathi ngumdidi oqakezayo) uthe iZanu ibambane njengezibunu, bahlangane njengezinza, bangabuyeli emuva njenge skumba sobolo, baqinisele njengembumbu yewule ukuze banqobe lobubunzima.



To all forumites.....Congratulations u have won a shona baby, in a raffle. If u don't claim your prize within 7 days we will send you the whole family.



Amagudwane koBulawayo abeyecomplainer kuMayor. Athe 'sifuna ukukhula sibengangembuzi awutshele amaSwina asiyeke'

Stupid man named Chinotimba

One day Chinoz was enjoying the sun at the beach in Cape Town, South Africa. A lady came and asked him, " Are you relaxing?"
Chinoz answered, "No, I am Chinoz."
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Chinoz answered, "No! No! Me Chinoz!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Chinoz was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking
He saw a certain guy soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked,
"Are you Relaxing?" This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes,
I am relaxing."
Chinoz slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is
looking for you and you are sitting over here!"
******************************************************************
Chinoz died and went to heaven. When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules were in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance a prospective heavenly soul must answer two questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Then Chinoz thought for a few minutes and answered... 1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are today and tomorrow. 2. There are
12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12seconds in a year?"
Then Chinoz replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd,
etc......to December 2nd Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.
************************************************************************
One day in his rural, having lost his donkey Chinoz, got down too his
knees and started thanking God.
A surprised passerby saw him and asked, "Your donkey is missing; what
are you thanking God for?"
Chinoz replied "I am thanking Him for seeing to it that I wasn't riding
the donkey at that time, otherwise I would have been missing too."
************************************************************************
Chinoz went with his friend into a pub and after ordering two beers,they took some sandwiches out of their pockets and started to eat them.
"You can't eat your own sandwiches in here," complained the pub-owner.
So the two then swapped their sandwiches.
***********************************************************************
Chinoz finished his English exam and came out. His friends asked him how
he did his exam, for that he replied "Exam was okay, but for the past
tense of THINK, I thought, thought, thought and at last I wrote THUNK!"
***********************************************************************

Here goes Lobola to waste!
Diary of a New Bride

Monday: Now home from honeymoon and settled in our new home. It's
fun to cook for Tim. Today I made an angel food cake and the recipe
said, "Beat 12 eggs separately ".
Well, I didn't have enough bowls to do that, so I
had to borrow 12 bowls to beat the eggs in. The cake turned out fine
though.

Tuesday: We wanted a fruit salad for supper. The recipe said, "Serve
without dressing". So I didn't dress. But Tim happened to bring a
friend home for supper that night. They both looked so startled when
I served them. I think it was the salad.

Wednesday: I decided to serve rice and found a recipe, which said,
"Wash thoroughly before steaming the rice". So I heated some water
and took a bath before steaming the rice. Sounded kind of silly in
the middle of the day. I can't say it improved the rice anyhow.

Thursday: Today Tim asked for salad again. I tried a new recipe. It
said, prepare ingredients, and then toss on a bed of lettuce one
hour before serving." I hunted all over the place for a garden and
when I got one, I tossed my salad into the bed of lettuce and stood
over there for over one hour so the dog would not take it. Tim came
over and asked if I felt all right. I wonder why? He must be
stressed at work; I'll try and be supportive.

Friday: Today I found an easy recipe for cookies. It said, "Put all
ingredients in a bowl and beat it". Beat it I did, to my mum's
place.
There must have been something wrong with the recipe, because when I came
back home again; it looked the same as when I left it.

Saturday: Tim went shopping today and brought home a chicken. He
asked me to dress it for Sunday. I'm sure I don't know how hens
dress for Sunday.
I never noticed back on the farm, but I found an old doll dress and
its little cute shoes. I thought the hen looked really cute.
When Tim saw it, he started counting to ten. Either he was really stressed
because of his work, or he wanted the chicken to dance. When I asked
him what was wrong he started crying and shouting out "Why me? Why
me?"

It has to be his job.

It's yo favourate DJ Dobhisende broadcasting from Nhlamba FM bringing you Obekusendabeni:
Sports:
UNompembe obephethe umdlalo eBF kubikwa unina etholakale elembumbu ezimbili, eyabantu bemzini lekayise.

Unina ka-line man wakuqala kumdlalo ofanayo utholakale elembumbu ele-acid yona ke ibikwa isimqedele amaphenti. Uline man lo is appealing for donners ukuze athengele unina iphenti yensimbi.

Kumdlalo ofanayo uNompembe kubikwa ubesephefumula ngomlomo nxa ibhola lisenyaweni zamathendele okwenze abebehlezi eSowetho bamphathisa ukuthi aphefumule ngomdidi nxa esedinwe yikusebenzisa amakhala.

Kubikwa njalo ukuthi u-line man wesibili uphuzile ukufika enkundleni ephuziswa yikuthi ubesaqedisa ukuphema igolo likanina. Yenake kubikwa ungene enkundleni eziqhenya ngezinza zakhe ebezelukwe i-dread ngu-nina.

Please do no move away join us after this short break. We will be giving you more on Sports news.

Bafowethu.

A skinny white man walks into the elevator and finds this giant black guy. He looks up at him mesmerized. The black guy notices the gaze and introduces himself;

" I am 450 pounds, with 30 pounds on the left testicle, 30 pounds on the right testicle and am loaded with 18 inches, Turner Brown."

The skinny white guy falls down in faint. When he comes by he sees the black guy leaning over him. "What did you just say", he asks with fear all over his face.

"I said I am 450 pounds with 30 pounds on each testicle and an 18 inch penis and my name is Turner Brown."

Releaved the white man says, "I thought you, ""I am450 lbs, with 30 lbs on the left testicle, 30 lbs on the right, an 18 inch penis, TURNAROUND.""

Li Zwangendaba

Exploitation of salt deposits receives boost

From Mthokozisi Dube in Johannesburg, South Africa

ZIMBABWE is set to earn foreign currency from the mining of salt in the Bambadzi area of Plumtree, after a consortium of Zimbabwean businesspeople based in South Africa pledged to fund the exploitation of the deposits.

A 20-member Zimbabwean delegation arrived at the Oliver Tambo International Airport here on Friday morning to map the way forward with potential investors in South Africa.

The delegation, which includes councillors from Bulilima and Mangwe districts, chief executive officers, traditional chiefs and businesspeople, met a number of Zimbabweans based in South Africa who showed a keen interest to invest in their country.

A long discussion with top businessmen based here was held during a dinner hosted by Mr Charles Moyo, who owns one of the biggest construction companies in South Africa, on Friday night at the Nelson Mandela Square in Sandton.

Mr Micah Ndlovu of Malalume in Bulilima-Mangwe, who owns a security company in Johannesburg, said there was a need to move fast and utilise the tangible natural resources.

“It pains me that we still import salt from Botswana yet we have our own salt deposits in Bulilima. Why not move at a fast pace and see that we do something because this is long overdue?
“What we can do from this side (South Africa) is sit down and pump out money so that we can do tests and evaluate the viability of such a project,” said Mr Ndlovu.

Mr Moyo, who was involved in the construction of the Nelson Mandela Square building, also concurred with Mr Ndlovu, saying this could be a big income-generating project.

“We are sitting on foreign currency because that project can bring in a lot of foreign currency to Zimbabwe that can go a long way in developing Bulilima-Mangwe.

“As we speak, the roads are bad but we are still sitting on such projects and I must say we are proud to be Zimbabweans and above all to be from Bulilimamangwe hence we are willing to develop that place.

“As long as proper channels are put up, we will not hesitate to chip in and tap the natural salt deposits,” said Mr Moyo who grew up in the Hingwe area.

Senator Eunice Sandi of Bulilima and Mangwe, who heads the Zimbabwean delegation, said the door was open for them to invest in the salt deposits.

“We are happy that you have shown interest in this project and let us push to get consultants here in South Africa.

“It does not help to speak and not do anything. We must start acting fast. I must also add that no-one from outside Bulilima-Mangwe will get prospecting rights ahead of you. But for us to challenge that, we need people with money,” she said.

Zimbabwe once tried to enter into a joint venture with Botswana some years back, but failure to follow-up on the project resulted in the country losing out on the deal while Botswana went ahead.

Botswana now manufactures the commodity from Makhalikhali Salt Pans, just across Maitengwe Border Post.
The salt deposits stretch from Maitengwe River right through to neighbouring Botswana.


- Source Sunday News April 1, 2007

There was a young boy, who one day went to the neighbours' house
>> > only to find the mother and the father arguing very fiercely,
>> > insulting each other. While standing there listening to the
>> > argument, the man said to his wife "Ya, vele uyiSifebe".
>> > Unnoticed, the boy left the scene and went home where he found his
>> > mother busy enza amadombolo namagwinya and asked her "Mama, yini
>> > ISIFEBE??", The mother without paying much interest to the
>> > question quickly answered him and said "Yilokhu engikwenzayo"(She
>> > was busy mixing dough for making
>> > magwinya). The next day on Sunday at the boy's home, there was a
> society,
>> > so the mother told the boy to be quiet in his bedroom until the
society
>> > is over, if ever he needed something, he should just slightly
>> > open the door and call her. Fine. After a while in his bedroom, the

>> > boy finally felt hungry and slightly opened the door. " Pssss,Mama,

>> > Mama" all the people in the living room kept quite and looked at
the
>> > boy, "Ake ungiphe
>> > izifetshana ezimbili nje kuphela, ngizozidlela la ekameleni"

An 8 year old boy was accused of impregnating a 20 year old young woman. The boy was being defended in court by a female lawyer. The lawyer argued with the judge while holding the boy's reproductive part of her anatomy and making gestures , "How do you expect a little thing like this to do that, that's incredible!"

The boy then whispered to the woman lawyer, "Don't shake it too much we might lose the case!"

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