I entered into the public toilet, I was barely sitting down when I heard a voice from the other
stall saying: "Hi, how are you?"

I'm not the type to start a conversation in the men's restroom
but I don't know what got into me, so I answered, somewhat embarrassed, "Doin' just fine!"

And the other guy says: "So what are you up to?"

What kind of question is that? At that point, I'm thinking this
is too bizarre so I say: "Uhhh, I'm like you, just traveling!"

At this point I am just trying to get out as fast as I can when I
hear another question. "Can I come over?"

Ok, this question is just too weird for me but I figured I could
just be polite and end the conversation. I tell him, "No........I'm a little busy right now!!!"

Then I hear the guy say nervously...

"Listen, I'll have to call you back. There's an idiot in the other stall who keeps answering all my questions!!!"

---------------------------------------------
Lawe faka indaba ezangephul' imbambo

okunje kuthiwani bakwethu

Case 1
Teacher asked: Which part of the body goes to heaven first? A kid
replied: The legs because every night I see my mum's legs up high
screaming "OH GOD! I'M COMING".

Case 2
Teacher: Why did you bring your cat to school?
Pupil: Because I heard my sister's boyfriend say,
"TONIGHT I WILL EAT YOUR PUSSY".

Case 3
What's the difference between a panty and a stage curtain??
ANSWER: When you pull down the stage curtain the show is over. But
when you pull down the PANTY..........IT'S SHOWTIME.

Case 4
MUM: Didn't I tell you if a stranger touches your breast, say
DON'T?
And if he touches your v*g*na say STOP!
GIRL: But mum, he touched both, so I told him......DON'T
STOP!!!!!!

Soweto

Hola Kau!

Amnandi amahlaya akho. But baba, be careful -izicukuthwane zalumkhandlu zingawacima amahlaya angekho clean njengalana awakho!

Keep it clean baba.

Otherwise ziyakhipha gazilam!

Seven phezulu!
Ezase kasi!

Heita daar!

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.

Ek se my broe!

A coloured drunk man walking past a river sees a priest baptizing his people and decides to go for a baptism.

The priest baptizes his people by dunking their heads into the water and asks,"Have you seen Jesus?" The people respond "Yes, I've seen Jesus".

When it was the drunkard's turn, the priest dunked his head into the water and pulled him out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?" He said no, so the priest put his head back into the water for a few more seconds and again asked "Have you seen Jesus?" The drunkard replied "No old man." Angrily, the priest dunked his head for a much longer time and pulled the drunkard's head out and asked him "Have you seen Jesus?"

The drunkard replied, "Ekse my broer, are you sure he fell into this river?"

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.

Mntongs ingihlephunile skeem leyi oyifake phezulu lana...

Manikeza was a prostitute, but she didn't want her grandma to
know. One day, the police raided a whole group of prostitutes
at a sex party in a hotel, and Manikeza was among them. The police
took them outside and had all the prostitutes line up along
the driveway when suddenly, Manikeza's grandma came by
and saw her granddaughter.
Grandma asked, "Why are you standing in line here, dear?"Not willing to let her grandmother know the truth, Manikeza told her grandmother that the policemen were passing out
free oranges and she was just lining up for some.
"Why, that's awfully nice of them. I think I'll get some for myself,"
Grandma said, and she proceeded to the back of the line.
A policeman was going down the line asking for information from all
of the prostitutes. When he got to Grandma, he was bewildered and
exclaimed, "Wow, still going at it at your age? How do you do it?"
Grandma replied, "Oh, it's easy, dear. I just take my
dentures out, rip the skin back and suck them dry."

The policeman fainted!

(Mabila should enjoy this one )

Dear Tech Support,

Subject: Wife
I am writing this letter as a last resort. Last year I upgraded from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 and noticed that the new program began
unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable
resources. No mention of this phenomenon was included in the product
brochure.

In addition, Wife 1.0 installs itself into all other programs and
launches during system initialisation, where it monitors all other
system activity. Applications such as Clubnight 10.3, Drunken Boys
Night 2.5 and Saturday Football 5.0 no longer run, crashing the
system whenever selected. I cannot seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the
background while attempting to run some of my other favourite
applications. I am thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but
uninstall does not work on this program.

Can you help me, please!!!

Thanks,
Joe

Dear Joe,

This is a very common problem that men complain about but it is
mostly due to a primary misconception. Many people upgrade from
Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0 with the idea that Wife 1.0 is merely a
"UTILITIES & ENTERTAINMENT" program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM
and designed by its creator to run everything. It is unlikely you
would be able to purge Wife 1.0 and still convert back to Girlfriend
7.0. Hidden operating files within your system would cause
Girlfriend 7.0 to emulate Wife 1.0 so nothing is gained. It is
impossible to uninstall, delete, or purge the program files from the
system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is not
designed to do this. Some have tried to install Girlfriend 8.0 or
Wife 2.0 but end up with more problems than the original system.
Look in your manual under "Warnings - Alimony/Child Support." I
recommend you keep Wife 1.0 and just deal with the situation. Having
Wife 1.0 installed myself, I might also suggest you read the entire
section regarding General Partnership Faults (GPFs). You must assume
all responsibility for faults and problems that might occur,
regardless of their cause. The best course of action will be to
enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE. In any case avoid excessive use of
the "Esc" key because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIES
command before the operating system will return to normal. The
system will run smoothly as long as you take the blame for all the
GPFs.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but very high maintenance. Consider
buying additional software to improve the performance of Wife 1.0. I
recommend Flowers 2.1 and Chocolates 5.0. Do not, under any
circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This is not a
supported application for Wife 1.0 and is likely to cause
irreversible damage to the operating system.

Best of luck.
Tech Support.

kuthiwa kwakuleyinye injiva eyayi "gibele" umtshova koBulawayo. manje angithi ungahlala ube ngowesithathu uhlala isibunu esisodwa on one seat, and the next butt on the other seat. So kuthiwa injiva ibe iphakamisa itshoba. Manje sekulephunga emotweni so abantu sebeyabuza ukuthi kanti ngubani osuzileyo??? Injiva yaphendula yathi

"Yimina, mara ngizophinda ngisuze njalo umasesizofika emarobothini"

Nguyena mfazi mfazi manje u Operating System! Ngenkani! Wangibulala bhudas. Ngiqhunse lona olwemthonjeni! Lenjiva yomtshova hathsi bo! Kulenkinga lapha emtshoveni!

Imisebenzi iyatshiyana bakwethu njalo abanye balemisebenzi ebabulalisa ngembambo nsuku zonke wena ungathini nxa unguwe okumele uphendule incwadi ezinje....
The following extracts come in response to an advert in a South African woman's magazine called Femina. All of the extracts are from people whose first (or even second) language is NOT English and who live a very rural existence.

Back in 1985, SA Femina Magazine ran an advertisement for Nelex, a medicine for the treatment of a vaginal infection known as Vaginitis.The ad prompted hundreds of letters from sufferers countrywide, most of them from women who were clearly unsure as to what exactly was wrong with them. The letters were collected by the advertising agency that created the Femina ad who swear that every single one of them is genuine.

1. My interesting language is English, so you better send me an English copy of your vaginitis. Please send me the following symptoms: itching, discharge, unpleasant smell.
2. I am one of those with a virginal problem. I will be very grateful if my disease were acceptable.
3. Dear sirs, greetings as patient to you, but I have not got enough time to express my sickness over this paper. I want to come by myself to confess my sickness to you after I use this Nelex. The trouble is my vaginitis and that I'm so ugly.
4. How can I get vaginal infection? Most chemists cannot help.
5. Is vaginitis normal, or does it occur by mistakes like having sex?
6. My husband is not happy with the behavior of my vagina at bedtime. Please send me more information about these vaginal erections.
7. My symptoms are some of the ones you didn't mention, so please send me another medicine.
8. Every boyfriend left me and made another girl pregnant, so maybe you can help me.
9. With modern life of anonymous infection, I have found your vaginal infection very handy and unavoidable. I tried Dettol, Omo (washing powder) and also pure brandy. All in vain.
10. My problem is itching, burning pain after intercourse when the weather is cold or foggy. I am a young lady of 1963. Will you please send me more news about my virginia pains during intercourse, even when I'm not having intercourse at all. I use to have sex eight to ten times a day. Now I am very dry. I went to the hospital and they told me I have too much sex. Maybe I should move to Durban for the humidity.
11. I am a girl of 21 years of edge. Can you help me with virginial infractions.
12. Last night the virginial infections suddenly attacked me. What do you want me to do.
13. Please send me Nelex. I am so sick I will even pay for it. My virginia is wide open, but I only slept with my husband alone, but he says I am a bitch.
14. I slept with many men. Can you close my virginia for me.
15. I really want a baby, but I don't want to be pregnant.
16. The first time noticed vaginal infection was in your advert.
17. My vargin is beginning to irritate me. I scream at it sometimes but it doesn't help. Sometimes my anus produces an unpleasant smell. Please send my letter back so I can remember what I have written. Please advertise more so that I can remember that I have an infection.
18. I stopped to have sexual intercourse with my husband, but he hasn't stopped with me. My problem is I feel itching even when my husband romances me with his erection. I never told anyone about my symptoms, now I see them publicly advertised.
19. I am 42 years old, but the infections started when I was much older, and please reply as soon as it is convenient for me.
20. I have pain during sex, and also during intercourse.
21. My virgin is badly leaking. Does Nelex work like a cork?
22. When I was 13 I spray my vagina with Airoma room freshener, now I am 18 and I need your help. Please send any good and large information
to suffering vagina.
23. According to symptoms advertised, I have discovered four of them in my promised one. She urges me so help me to help her. My new address (address supplied) but please send your reply to my old address, can I get vaginal infection without prescription.
24. Nelex the effective treatment, is it also effective in Zimbabwe.
25. My husband does not know where I live, so we never have sex. I have never had sex, but I have this virginity problem. The bath water must have infected me, although I swear nobody bathed after me in the same water. I have re-organised my virginia recently.
26. It is easy to know when I have vaginitis, but how do I know when I do not have vaginitis.
27. How are you at that side or Randburg? I hail to you with my wife's vaginal infection from Zimbabwe but I know that some people order the thing without knowing them of seeing in other words they order them for nothing without using them.
28. I am 20 years old and will be 21 sooner than expected. I cannot tell my mother about it: she has no vagina.
29. The last time I looked for my vaginitis, I could not find it anywhere.My vagina was discharged recently.
30. My vagina is deceased.
31. I am a doll of 19 and I want to introduce my itchy vagina to you.
32. I hope you are in a favourable condition for my vaginitis.
33. I have this virginity disease. I hope my letter arrives at tea time so you can study it better. I don't know if the smell really comes from my vagina. My nose cannot reach it properly. But I promise, my body also has some healthy parts.
34. How are you sir? I am very well, but I am also a very sick girl. Thank you for telling us how to avoid burning and itching virgins. I live very far away, and therefore wander if my letter will reach you. I am not an ignorant girl, but how can I be sure.
35. Please rescue my vaginal cavity from attack, sir, and send me this infection quickly. This Nelex it can help me. I will call my first son Nelex. Also my eyes and kids are very itchy. I better stop looking at them.
36. I air my vagina three times a day, much to my husband's regret.
37. At todays price of water, I'd rather use Nelex.
38. I have five of the four symptoms you mentioned. You will find the vaginal infections at the above address.
39. Please send me everything. The Nelex, the vaginal infections, the vaginitis, the reliable relief from symptoms.

Heaven is when you have: a British salary, an American home, Chinese food, a German car and a zimbabwean wife.
Hell is when you have: An American car, a British wife, a Chinese home, German food and a zimbabwean salary.

Incwadi ka Tisha.

Mzali othandekayo,
Sekungaphezu kwamandla ami, safa ngephunga. Geza ingane bo!

Yimi ozithobayo
uTisha.

Impendulo ka Mzali

Tisha othandekayo
Fundisa ingane, musa ukuzinuka, mhlathikanyoko.

Ngokuzithoba,
uMzali

Tr:
what's your favourite subject?

Snt:
break time.

Tr:
uyihlo uthanda kudla mhlobo bani?

Student:
amakhandlela.

Tr:
ini?(ngokumangala okukhulu)

student:
nxa sesilala uyathi kumama citsha ngidle.

Majida, lizangi xhwalisa, ngiyimpintshi engu swi!

This story happened about a month ago in Soweto, and even when it sounds like an Alfred Hitchcock tale it's real.

This guy was on the side of the road hitch hiking on a very dark night and in the middle of a storm. The night was rolling and no car went by, the storm was so strong he could hardly see a few feet ahead of him. Suddenly he saw a car coming towards him and stop. The guy, without thinking about it, got in the car and closes the door, just to realize there's nobody behind the wheel. The car starts slowly; the guy looks at the road and sees a curve coming his way. Scared, he starts to pray begging for his life.

He hasn't come out of shock, when just before he hits the curve a hand appears through the window and moves the wheel. The guy, paralysed with terror, watched how the hand appears every time they are before a curve.

The guy, gathering strength, gets out of the car and runs to the nearest township. Wet and in shock, he goes to a tavern and asks for two shots of Brandy and starts telling everybody about the horrible experience he went through. A silence enveloped everybody when they realize the guy was crying and....wasn't drunk.

About half an hour later two guys walked in the same tavern and one said to the other, "Look, Mfowetu, that's the idiot that got in the car when we were pushing it."

Umthandazo wobubha (Phecelezi, a prayer of poverty!)

Mugabe is my shepherd, I shall not work.
He maketh me to lie down on park benches.
He leadeth me beside the still factories and dry land.
He restoreth my faith in the MDC.
He guideth me in the path of unemployment.
Ya! Though I walk through the valley of the soup kitchen, I shall still be hungry.
For I feel thy evil against me.
Thou hast anointed my income with tax.
My expenses will always exceed my salary.
Surely poverty and hard living will always follow me.
All the days of floods, government levies and referendum.

Amen

uMntongenakudla kaNgogwane waKwaDlangezwa.
Inxangiphilile.
KwelikaMthaniya.

Umtshifana wayeshaye iround eByo ngekhisimusi...uma efika kuLobs street wabona amahumps agcwele emgwaqweni..umtshifana wathi...shit man,abantu basekhaya bayithandile lembambayila,sebeyoyihlanyela nasemgwaqweni,hayi suka booh.

Kuthiwa iSinotimba ubegibele imbombela esuka emzini wamakhosi koBulawayo esebuyela kibo emzini wesigundwaneni eHalale. Bathi ubelande umhlangano wama O vetereni khonapha okwakuyi Southern Sun buza thina esasikhona kangazi ukuthi lamhlanje sekuyini!

Kuthe isitimela sisanda kwedlula eGwelu wazizwa efikelwa yis'thongwana wahle cabanga ukuthi ake alale. Uthe ngaphamb' kokuthi aye kwelamathongo, wacela omunye wabafana bakhe abonakale ehamba labo ukuthi makavuswe uma umbombela ewela iqaqa lases'gundwaneni e Halale. Kwaba njalo.

Kuthe esejumekile uSinotimba wezwakala enqoleni yonke kambombela ehoqa esezephikisana lamavili kambombela ngoku hehelezela. Kodwa kungasilokho into ebisethusa kulabo ababem'bona behlezi duze laye uSinos yikuthi wayelele wakhamisa umlomo, kuthi nxa ehoqa edonsa umoya intshebe zakhe zengene emlonyeni, kuthi nxa ekhulula umoya lazo zilandele ziphephuka. Iphunga lomphefumulo bathi kwakungani ulidle selibolile igundwane!

Nanto elinye lalo eliphaphathekayo elilamawala njengemota kayise lithi libona konke lokhu kusenzakala lakhumbula ukuthi kelisize umfowabo uSinotimba limgele indevu lezi ngoba angaqabuka esezi ginyile bangamyekela. Lamgela sibili waze wasala ephuce njengobunu losane. Konke lokhu kwenzakala unkalakatha uyaphupha. Bathi wabonakala ehlafuna sazi ukuthi wayephupha esidlani.

Kuthe umbombela ekhilikithela ewela iqaqa lases'gundwaneni umfanakhe wamvusa njengokuthembisa kwakhe uSinosi, kodwa waqhubeka ehoqa, njalo ehlafuna. Umfana wakhathala. Kuthe isitimela sisima es'tishini seHalale, umfana kaSinosi wazama njalo ukumvusa, waze wavuka ke uSinos.

Uthe efika emzini wahlalahlala okwemizuzuz ethile wasengena endlini encinyane, wazibona esibukweni uSinotimba wethuka. Wama wazibuka. Wabona ubuso obumcwaka obungela nsthebe.

Bathi uzwakale esithi " Lomfana madhodha, wenzeleni into enje. Khangela uvuse umuntu ongasuye!"

Hayi bo bhudas! Phuza kuhle ukhamba, sesizakona lapho esihlezi khona!

HOW MUZENDA DIED

KUTHIWA UMZENDA LOMGABE LOFATHER LOMFANYANA WESIKOLO BABENDIZA NGENDIZA BEHLABIKHEFU. indiza yasisiba lefault from which the pilot declared emergency parachute-exit, however he had only four sets of which he grabed one and tossed the other three to his passengers.

Mugabe, as the president, he took one and exited muzenda as a vice he was offered one he grabed it and off he went.

the priest gave the last one to the young man coz he still had a future . the boy said we still have two sets. the priest said "no my son"

the boy said "Muzenda took my satchel when he jumped"

umzenda bathi kakhethe indlela afuna ukubulawa ngayo yena wathi abamee mbijana uyeza usaya esambuzini, ngemva kwemizuzwana emilutshwana wayesphendukile umzee wathi yena indlela afisa ukufa ngayo yikuthi bemhlabe ijekisni elamagcikwane e HIV-AIDS. Lakanye bamhlaba ubaba umzee,, bathe bemhlaba yena ebhizi ehleka kwaze kwamangala wonke umuntu owayelapho ngakho wabuzwa ukuthi uhlekani yena wathi ubahleka ubuwula ngoba bamhlaba ijekiseni elamagcIkwane bengazi ukuthi ugqoke icondom.

umzenda sekukhulunya imitsho elebala elithi beans(Indumba) ujonathan wathi my wife likes backed beans...umsika wathi yena in my farm I have a lot of beans for sale
umzenda wathi yena we are all human beans

Kuthiwa u Mgabe to Mzenda babevakatshile phetsheya kwelamaNgisi lama khosikazi abo. Ngelanga lakuqala sekuzadliwa bacela uMgabe ukuthi akhulelekele ukudla, bakhothamisa amakhanda uMgabe wathi "Let's say Grace." Kwadliwa. Kusisa becela uMzenda ukuthi abusise laye ukudla. Bakhothamisa amakhanda njalo uMzenda wathi "Let's say Maud."

Sengixotshwa elojeni, mayuyu, bo!

umzenda loCanaan Banana bavakatshela eIsrael kwathiwa abazitsho amagama abo uBanana wazitsho umzenda wacabanga, njengoba bekuHoly Land, ibanana yisithelo i-canaan libizo lebhayibhilini wathi,"I am Jerusalem Pintshisi"

ekushoneni kuka Mdala , uMzenda wezwakala ethu ku Albert Nyathi, " lami phela Nyathi ngingafa ungenzele lokhuya okuka nyongolos mafukufuku.....njengo Ngkomo

umzenda kwathiwa bakhulume all the seas abawaziyo emhlabeni, ujonathan wathi Black sea
umgabe wathi Red sea
umzenda wathi DRC

Ebelenhlanhla udade ethi ukufika eNgilandi azitholele ubhudi weNgisi. Lize lifike lelo elingaliyo, kuyiwe ke ocansini, kanti lodade usejwayele umbuzo wakhe wokuthi "usuchamile?" Ezwakale ke udade esethi "have you urinated?" kumlungu wakhe lona.

Akula mkhuhlane onzima njengowenqondo!

Three men walk out of a mental hospital hoping to escape.

First one says; "If there is a high fence,we'll dig under it"

Second one says; "If there is a low fence we'll jump over it"

They look around and alas:
The third guy says " I guess we are ou of luck. There is no fence"

The three men walk back to their rooms.

Nango U Joe efika ku Tandisa ( umahotsha wenkomponi ongasatholi icustomer kalula)

Joe: Thandi konje ama rates ahamba njani.
Tandi: ( esho e moyizela kancane, R10 otshanini, R20 emotweni, R30 ngase mbedeni.
Joe: kawuboni ke mina ngilo R30.
Tandi: huu Joe konje ungifuna ngasembedeni?

Joe: hatshi Thandi, ngikufuna kathathu ngasotshanini, ubona angani ngingakunikeza R30 ngicame kanye?..... Kasambe
Tandi: hawu manje?
Joe: ngiyedlula ngiye dinga u Phindile lapho ungafuni.
Tandi: kasambe ngasotshanini.

Nango umfana womlungu evela eMelika uvakashile ngase Zimbabwe. imbali ngale kibo ithi umahotsha wase ZW ukukhipha ulimi.....

James usethole u simayedwa, kuvunyelwane kuyiwe lalwa. U Simayedwa amjika kie u James, azwekale umfana ethi, 'this is heaven mmmmmmmmm aahhhhh" abesesithi kuthiwa yini le special service, impendulo ithi yi Galakunjalo.
bathi sebeqedile ahlawule behlukane..emvakwensukwana u James afike lapho athola khona u Simayedwa kodwa mhlalokho athole esethethwe ngabanye.

Athi kungasenani aphephele ku Flata......Ekamelweni u james athi hatshi mani wena kawunginike kahle , mina ngi funa i galakunjalooooooo

Uflata usemangele ukuthi yintoni, Ujames awuhlabe ukhosi Galakunjalooo, Galakunjaloooooo......yaze yaphela ikhefu yakhe igalakunjalo waaaa

A man had a bad case of stammering. he went ot many doctors over the years, and none of them could help him. Finally one doctor said to him " I beleive I found a reason for your stammering".
Tha man asked "Wha...wha...wha....what is my pro..pro...problem?"

The doctor replied, "Your penis is very, very large. The weight of your penis is causing a strain on your larynx, and this results in your stammering. The only solution to this is to perfom a penis transplant."

The man was really tired of his stammering, so he agreed to a transplant. Several days later the doctor called the man up and informed him that they have found a suitable donor. The transplant operation was successfully perfomed and the man could speak without any stutter.

At first he was happy, but after a while he began to miss his penis, and how the girls used to love it. He finally went back to his doctor and said "Doctor, I am grateful for the opportunity you have given me to speak without a stammer, but I miss my pold penis. Please find the transplant donor and tell him that we have to exchange penises back?"

The doctor shook his head and replied, "That's im...im..im..impo..impossible."

Mabila

lawe futhi

Hayi Gestapo! At this rate mina angisoze ngafa ngagagasa.Im..impo...impossibe! Ngesabela lina!

an american guys tours china and contracts a deadly penis eating STD when he gets back home he tries all known avenues to no avail one surgeon was about to perform a $25k surgery. he went to a chinese surgeon who told him he had the best and cheapest treatment. on the appointed date he said" you, you americans love surgery too much, leave it 2 day only 2 gona fall by himself."

uphose wangibulala ngeyokugagasa Mabila keep'em coming.

One day Chinoz was enjoying the sun at the beach in South Africa. A lady came and asked him " Are you relaxing?"
Chinoz answered "No I'm Chinoz."

Another guy came and asked him the same question. Chinoz answered, "No, No, Me Chinoz!"

A third one came and asked him the same question again. Chinoz was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place. While walking he saw a certain guy soaking in the sun. He went up to him and asked , "Are you relaxing?"

This guy was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes I am relaxing."

Chinoz slapped him on his face and said "Stupedi,everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here."

Husband to his wife. Yo butt is as big as a braai
stand. Later when he wants it he starts touching wife who remarks, "Why light a braai stand for half a sausage".

The ZANU PF government announced today that it is changing it`s emblem to a condom because it more clearly reflects the government`s political stance.A condom stands up to inflation,halts production,destroys the next generation,protects a bunch of pricks,and gives you a sense of security while it`s actually screwing you

Bafowethu.

Newspaper Headline: "ZANU (PF) BRINGS NATION TO ITS FEET AGAIN".

The ZANU led gvt is proud to bring the nation to its feet as workers have to walk to work since there is no fuel in the country. Oooops!!!

Li Zwangendaba.

Four high school friends are reunited after 30yrs without seeing each other , then they started talking about their SONS.
The first guy : ' My son is sooooo rich he recently bought his friend a brand new Mercedes-Benz for his birthday"
The second guy: 'My son is filthy rich he recently bought his friend a Jet as a birthday present"
The third guy : "My son is in construction and he recently gave his friend a brand new mansion @ no cost for his birthday"
Then..... they turn to the 4th guy and ask him about his "Son"
The 4th guy answers: oh , My son is a homosexual and also a stripper at a night club.
They all respond: "what a disappointment for you"
He then answers: "No, I'm actually very proud of my son it was his birthday recently and he got a brand new Mercedes-Benz, Jet and a mansion from his boyfriends".

MEDICAL AID vs TAX REBATE


YOU CANNOT BEAT AN INDIAN


An Indian couple both age 37, went to a sex
therapist's office. The
doctor asked, "what can I do for you?"
The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual
intercourse?"


The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. When the
couple finished
having the intercourse, the doctor said, "There's
nothing wrong with
the
way
you have intercourse", and charged them R70.

This happened several weeks in a row. The couple
would make an
appointment, have intercourse with no problems, pay
the doctor, then
leave.

Finally the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you
trying to find
out?"
The man said, "We're not trying to find out
anything.

She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm
married and we can't
go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges R225. The
Hilton charges
R879. We
do
it here for R70, and I get R65 back from Discovery
Medical Aid!"

MAN IS LYING IN BED IN THE HOSPITAL WITH AN OXYGEN MASK OVER HIS MOUTH. A YOUNG
NURSE APPEARS TO SPONGE HIS HANDS AND FEET. "NURSE", HE MUMBLES FROM BEHIND THE
MASK, "ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" EMBARRASSED, THE YOUNG NURSE REPLIES,"I DON'T
KNOW, I'M ONLY HERE TO WASH YOUR HANDS AND FEET."
"HE STRUGGLES AGAIN TO ASK, NURSE, ARE MY TESTICLES BLACK?" FINALLY, SHE PULLS
BACK THE COVERS, RAISES HIS GOWN, HOLDS HIS PENIS IN ONE HAND AND HIS TESTICLES
IN HER OTHER HAND AND TAKES A CLOSE LOOK AND SAY'S,

"THERE'S NOTHING WRONG WITH THEM!"

FINALLY, THE MAN PULLS OFF HIS OXYGEN MASK AND REPLIES,"THAT WAS VERY NICE
BUT, ARE... MY... TEST...RESULTS...BACK?"

Kwakulenye indoda yeskhalangeni ebikade ifuna ukuba umzulu mhlawumbe ithole umsebenzi egolie. Njengoba lisazi bakwethu ukuba uphile kuhle egoli kumele wazi isizulu. Ngakho ke lindoda kwayikhathaza kakhulu lokhu yaze yadinga omunye udokodela owathembisa ukuba angamenza ioperation akhuphe i 10% yeintelligence, afane noMzulu, becoz generally amaZulu are 10% less intelligent than amaKhalanga. Njengendoda eyayisiyi-desparado yavuma. ioperation yasisenziwa. Yenzeka ke inkemenkeme yendaba, udokotela nango ekhupha more than 10%, wakhupha 90%! Indoda le ithi uma ivuka udokotela wayibingelela "Uvuka njani ndoda?" yaphendula ithi "Ndamuka ko wamuka sei iwe?"!

Lewis's cousin, the farmer, ordered a high-tech milking machine. Since the equipment arrived when his wife was out of town, he decided to test it on himself first. So, he inserted his penis into the equipment, turned the switch on and everything else was automatic.

Soon, he realized that the equipment provided him with as much pleasure as his wife did. When the fun was over, though, he quickly realized that he couldn't remove the instrument from his penis. He read the manual but didn't find any useful information. He tried every button on the instrument, but still without success. Finally, the farmer decided to call the supplier's Customer Service Hot Line.

"Hello, I just bought a milking machine from your company. It works fantastic, but how do I remove it from the cow's udder?" "Don't worry," replied the customer service rep, "The machine will release automatically once it's collected two gallons."

One of the city's top cardic specialists died. At his funeral, his coffin was placed in front of a huge replica of a heart made of roses.

When the Pastor finished the sermon, everyone said their good-byes, the large heart opened up, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed again. It was a majestic tribute to the much loved cardiologist.

Suddenly,one of the mourners burst into a fit of laughter.

Irritated by his insensitivity, the man sitting next to him asked, "Why are you laughing, Mister?"

"I was just thinking about my own funeral." the man replied. "I am a gynaecologist".

woza lazo, musu'kusibulala ngembambo. Manje umhlobo wami ongumaBhimu yena uzakuthini mhla efileyo.

An illiterate Zwane went to the bank and pointed a gun on the cashier and said,
"Give me all your money, or you'll be GEOGRAPHY!"

The cashier laughed and said, "You mean to say HISTORY."

Poor Zwane answered, "Don't change the subject!"

THE ADVENTURES OF Dr Mzee

umzenda lomgabe loNyongolo babekudinner eGermany umgabe wasecela umzee ukuthi amnathise, umzee wafica izimpompi yigolide kuphela wazama ukutshila waswela izibambo walozame nix amanzi ngenkulu inhlanhla wasewabona kwenyindlu wavukutha awu wanatha wabhodla umgabe. uMdala wasecela laye kumzee wasukumela phezulu s'khatshana wayesephendukile engelawo amanzi, wathi lapho engikhele khona ushefu ngithole sekuhlezi umuntu.

Dear Mthwakazians,

We all know that it is a sin for a Taliban male to see any woman naked other than his wife, and that he must commit suicide if he does. So, this Saturday at 4:00 pm all women living in Mthwakazi are asked to walk out of their houses, completely naked, to help weed out any neighbourhood terrorists.

Circling your block for one hour is recommended for this anti-terrorist effort. All men are to position themselves in lawn chairs in front of their houses to prove they are not Taliban, and to demonstrate that they think it's okay to see nude women other than their wives and to show support for all Mthwakazian women. And since the Taliban also does not approve of alcohol, a cold six-pack of castle at your side would be a further proof of your anti-Taliban sentiment.

The Mthwakazian Government appreciates your efforts to root out terrorists and applauds your participation in this anti-terrorist activity.

An Amish woman and her daughter were riding in an old buggy one
cold blustery day. The daughter said to her mother, "My hands are
freezing cold."
The mother replied, "Put them between your legs.Your body heat
Will warm them up." The daughter did, and her hands warmed up. The next day
the daughter was riding with her boy friend who said,"My hands are
freezing cold." The girl replied, "Put them between my legs. The warmth of
my body will warm them up." He did, and warmed his hands.
The following day the boyfriend was again in the buggy with the
daughter. He said, "My nose is cold." The girl replied "Put it between my
legs.The warmth of my body will warm it up." He did, and warmed his nose. The next day the boyfriend was again driving with the daughter, and he

said, "My penis is frozen solid."

the following day the daughter was driving in the buggy with her
mother again, and she says to her mother, "Have you ever heard of a
penis?" Slightly concerned the mother said,"Why, yes. Why do you
ask?" The daughter replies,"They make one hell of a mess when they
defrost, don't they?"