hk hk hk hk hk Lifile ngomhawu bafaba bemalayinini

U Doc sewabuyelelana le Thutsi lakhe hk hk

Hola bafethu nje,zihwayani erabini?fokolo kimi,amawaza-waza majida.worse njani malanga lawa ngithi izinto ziyaminya so fele ngiyenza ngivathuka for a long titus but nevertheless sisonke boguluva kulento loba kungaze kube after a year.so wozani bontanga sibahlabise izibantuka ukuthi is'camtho sipheth'ivibe lenkompoloza kayi one...ivari yivari bafethu.
fats'ibanti ngoba olova sebendawo,amakoporotshi azokhala.
aziwe bolova.

7! Bolova. Eish these days ngifisa ukukhama umpankwa, kuyabheda iskapenya asivuki. Oro kanjani, sengigamula uku throwa ifokolo kubo mangumba.

Ngiba le khrismas ngingarida osheri bengi athela inex ezitswempi, ikakhulu begcwala ngokuthi ngi thathe ithempiritsha. Ismoko, yikuthi ngaDaa akekho ophuma ekasi. Bafethu, ngenzeni, ngikhame impankwa kumbe ngi athe ifokolo lomangumba?

Ola z'gebengu zami, bengisayophanda.Eish,ngiyayiqava ifokolo owita ngayo bra Doc.Mara zikubhemela more everest.Ukuvele ukhame umpankwa sbali sami akukho grand,kuvayisa amafinga prints.Mina ngithi tswara umangumbas kai one ubhodle ngonyama yami.Fela ugawule ubheka mpintshi yasedladleni ungavay'eKhezi ubongani esemaklezuklezu.

Mnini kau, uthi ngithrowe lo mangumba? Ngiyarida mfo, kodwa ngiya skretsha idayideng ele skelemu. Loba nxa ngiphanda, espaneni kulabo sheri abanengi abagcwala ngokuthi isgebengu siba athele ifokolo ebhaya.

Ngifisa ukuthi bangi fake ikhris'mas bhaya ngoba ukukhama umpankwa yismoko bafethu. Umpankwa uyahlanya ngaDaa.

DOC
7 sgebengu ngiyakuzwa.Lezo ezibloma la ophanda khona yizo yizo sbali.Seven kuleyondawo.Uyazi leso skeem owita ngaso sibhaya langa daa engispantsula khona.Bahlala bechaye amabhanga bezama ukuvusana lobongani wami.Khona manje ngisaplana.Ngisadlala umshesha phansi njengoMawi.Ngingajuma itete eligrand ngifuna ukutswara esiyi one ngingeje laso e six nine yespaneni ngibiye,besengishaya esikanogwaja ngibhodle ngonyama yami.Ma ubongani esesiba yinyoni ntshantshaza khonaphayana ngizovala owami,phela bengangigumula espaneni sbali.
Vele vele ngikutshela for the last time ntwana Doc,ngithi tswara esiyi one espaneni usibuze ukuthi sidlala kanjani.Masidlala kanjena lawe udlale kanjalo,wehlukane lemihluzi yomzimba ngeDoc style mpintshiyami.
Ngiyavuma ma uthi wena le daai deng ka Ayida iyagamulisa ngoba vele is nee rehii lento.
Mazibheda more mtshana usungasho umthandazo wabolova.Ushaye i what goes around comes around,ukhame umpankwa aze ashaye itrumpet.
Umthandazo wabolova ungawutshayela e six nine yespaneni ubiye emnyango sbali ngoba bengakuzwa ma usugwazwa ngomkhonto sgebengu.
Ngizakuringa extra time.Koze kuyeclozwa kuvalwe ngo 7.sho baba wami

Ngiyalirida bafethu ilyric lenu libhaya.Lithayime i 5 aside ngoba amafinger prints ayavaya,lingakhohlwa ngodade uayida ngoba uyakuncuka ngokuyakwetete.Crime crime boguluva.

DOKOTELA

Oro kanjani bhade lami.Sengikuzwela ebhayibhilini njengoJesu sbali.Vari bani kari?
Eish fethu mara uspane grandi.Ngizwa mabesho bathi usutsware irahman lenkulungwane ngemibhalo sbali.Yizebhedi eyi irie leyo mtshana.Yizo sbali ma uyihamtela uyimela imoko kam.gaxa.
Kumele sithi vari fandahi sironge amahasi lamahabula kubengumtsatsariko.Siringe labomayisikiza abangazitswaranga ngendlela egrandi bazwake,maziwa ziwe,makuhlangana kuhlangane tsotsi.
From lapho sesihudula omangumba with no strings attached sgebengu,so longo amajimbos ezongayimela atrekise obongani amapulling sokisi.
lntwana yami uSiru kufanele layo ibeyinariti oro zingawa kanjani ugosa eyidenge.
Kuzamele siwite namagents basiweze inqola zamajita,amabhavari lama gumbafaya ukuze fela sikhone ukutswara amacelebs lama model c,kubeyisisanasana umshado wemidogara,kwehlukanwe lemihluzi yemizimba.ngiyazi wena ugcwala ngomayisikiza abalezibusiso lamaburkina faso ablayindi,yonke isini ibebutofotofo ngoba sikhulu lesispano ositshunileyo lana ntwana yasedladleni.
No gatecrushers from the east,otherwise bazozwa ngetornado.Pha! wu! Ola seven.

EISH SEKUFANELE NGITHI NGWA KHWETSHU NGIYE EDLADLENI

Ola sbali Mnini, uyazi ngihlephuke blayind njenge mpintshi eshaye ingethu. Sbali uyaloba, awuyenzi ngihle ngazibona ngiblome labolova sicamtha ngefokolo ezintswempi. Ngiyagcwala ngevesi lakho mfo. Khona manj' ngilokh' ngibhayiza mfo.

Kuzamele senze i"Lova Party" eyabe ibhizi, lapho esiza nxusa khona omangumba, sithenge mahoti lo Sibalukhulu uyabe ekhona. Siyawosa eye US$1000 inyama.

Kunzim' emhlabeni yah!

iscamtho lesi siyiswimbombo,ngizengakhumbula edangerous(home)sengi ringa lomasalamusi(mum)esevele enganoxi ukuthi vtsei.bafowethu keep it real

Sho sbali. Iscamtho siyi switsalendi, bona manj' silokhu siphethe amavesi abokleva.

Oskalayo kumele sibe ngunatshi ekhoneni, sicula ngela lifebuoy yabo lova.

Correction sikisi bafethu,Uyazi kuyiswindon ukuthi ngithi ngiyabloma lana ekhoneni ngiringe olova be izile.Kugrendi ntwana zasedladleni ukuthi isini yethu le iye topora.Abazwaka ngokumosha istyla sethu bafethu sithi phashash,sizolifaka intsimbi. ola 7

ola 7 majimbosi lano sistreni long tete no witom emprekini yini eyiswitzerland ndawo mprest...
second half,

Bafowethu.

Nxa kuthiwa "UYATRIMUKA" kutshoni?

Ncedani lina abazi ezenkomponi. Otherwise ngiyatshay' umuntu ngenduku kanti uyangibingelela.

Li Zwangendaba

Teachers and the windfall . . .

Here and There with Matthew Dhlamini

THE saying that you never miss the water till the well runs dry must have brought teachers and other civil servants that feeling of de ja vu as they went from one ATM to another last Saturday in search of their back pays after the recent review of salaries by their employer.

We have been taken for a ride again, yinto yabo, some must have thought.
I am sure most of them spent the week after the announcement of a 600 plus percent pay increase singing: “Woza Friday, uze lenjabulo”, but come Saturday they were singing the blues bengelalutho.
I am told there was a scramble for the few available bearer cheques after inyoni ntshantshaza, the ATM, failed to produce more. Everybody wanted a piece of the windfall but the early birds had taken the fattest worm, leaving the rest desperate.
Some took advantage of this desperation to delay their return to their stations in Binga and Nkayi.
“Asikabi lemali yokugada,” one teacher was heard saying. But of course they drank till the cows came home, on a borrowed purse, of course.
I am told it was easier to borrow a few crates of beer at a shebeen on the strength of the back pay last weekend than it is to be a trailer at the cabinet at Masina. OSibanda would not hear of it even when you offer ukunatha ngezithende – that is running their errands in order to get a sip of umqombothi.
The battle for survival or is it dominance over the new salary started in the homes with usekazibani telling his wife that his salary number was skipped by the computer for unknown reasons and the lady of the house itching to lay her hands on the latest payslip.
There is this fellow in Tshabalala who took advantage of his wife’s illiteracy to show her a payslip that was not even his, with a reduced net pay to prove that he did not earn as much as she thought. He would complain bitterly about the deductions that month and blamed it on “crooks” that man the ZIMTA office. The guy even had the guts to give her the payslip knowing and she would not know the difference. There is no reward for guessing right who the beneficiary of the difference in the actual and ghost salaries would be. Idlalicatsha. No wonder women have the PhD – the Pull Her Down syndrome.
I can hear members of the Women’s Lib cursing “Male chauvinist pig”.
I hear Dlodlo’s list of creditors grew by 50 percent when payday approached. “Usayikhumbula iphasela kaNdlovu?” and amount was duly deducted and shoved into the back pocket.
Even those without cows still drink the milk, so even those without pay rises still get a share of the back pay – bathi badla emhlambini.
Shops were not to miss the chance. Workers of this clothing chain store knocked off late on Saturday as they changed prices upwards. A shoe that cost $1 million on Saturday afternoon was going for $3.5 million after 8pm when they knocked off. Who ever said old stock can never appreciate value?
Thieves and pickpockets also made a killing. A soldier’s wife from Imbizo Barracks was left wailing in a sanitary lane after feja feja boys had asked her to choose and open one of three bottle top with a small ball inside and walk away with a big prize. Somehow she guessed the right bottle top when the stake was low and cursed herself for winning small prizes. Then she placed bigger amounts at stake in the hope she would recover what she had lost but somehow missed the right lid when she was sure she had seen where the small ball was.
After thirty minutes of “betting” huge amounts with the encouragement of other “punters”, who ironically were winning, she had lost $2 million and was heard asking for directions to the nearest police station, wailing: “Mari yangu . . .” The gamblers had disappeared.
Bottle stores recorded soaring business last weekend although that chap who claimed to have discovered a dead snake in his scud nearly put indlamanzi.
I am told one sporori who feared that the supply of ilotion would stop, vowed that he knew that guy and his tricks. He queried why it took him till the scud was empty to find the dead snake. Rumour has it that the guy put the reptile in the empty scud in order to claim a refund. We still have to hear from the brewers Delta.
Shebeens also had a field day, or is it night. After many months of low patronage due to the hard times clients had fallen, MaMkhize suddenly had a full house, thanks to the teachers’ windfall. And she made maximum rip-offs from it.
Besides asking patrons to pay isikwelede sakho owasitshiyayo kuqala, she claimed angila change when presented with bills of large amounts and recorded the beer each customer ordered. Besides helping them down the beer, she also inflated the bill by a few quarts. These were either converted to her own use or sold for the second if not third time to desperate revellers. It was like in the olden days. USitshela had two iziporori as bodyguards in tow to help him spend the windfall. Funny enough he still wears a shoe esinyathela ngembambo. Those who have been to his lodgings say he sleeps on the floor as he has no bed. The initiated refer to his ordeal ukuvuka njenge nkomo because he has to go on all fours in order to get up every morning.
At another “speed bar” two fellows abacina kudala ukuba lemali were trying to out-buy each other to impress the queen, uSisKha. Indwangu ingadobha impembe bakithi. Each one had a burning desire for her. Each guy told himself it was today or never – and the game began.
Shebeen queens are sometimes hard to date as you have to wait for the last client to leave.
Each man bought beer, even for other patrons, hoping his rival would give up and go but would be surprised to hear: “Ngicela two”.
I am told at times uSisKha would not bother to bring the “two” but would collect the money, anyway.
As the two guys thought zizakhipha, they were shocked to hear the birds chirping outside at dawn and uSisKha told them “Hambani abantwana sebefuna ukuthanyela.” When one of them tried to sweet talk her into submission she shot back “Akusayenzi sekusile”. She told them to come back some other time if they want, and the two guys left, each blaming the other for ukuthancisa umjibila.
Then there was this guy who walked into his yard at daybreak from his nocturnal escapades and found his wife already cleaning the house. He knew trouble was brewing over his miscellaneous act and sat on the sofa in anticipation of the thunder and storm, with his defence outline already prepared. “Engabuza ngizathi sibotshwe eshabeen,” he told himself. His wife continued with her cleaning as if he was not there. When she did not ask any questions the guy felt the pangs of guilt and tried to break the silence: “Selibona nya mama . . . ?”
I am told the wife looked at the guy and answered matter-of-factly: “Don’t worry, lami ngisanda kungena . . .”
The guy turned sober. He could not stand the thought of a possible betrayal by his wife. He could not imagine her in the hands of another man and he burst out sobbing bitterly.
“Manje ukhalelani?” she asked him.
“Yikuthi kubuhlungu mama.”
The Mampara of the Week is of course uGidiza. Here is a guy who has allegedly abandoned his family and team to buy idlalicatsha a satellite dish while his children have been forced to change schools because their mother cannot afford bus fare. AbeSundowns feel let down by their newly-appointed player-coach who also abandoned them during their game against Dynamos. Sundowns lost 0-1. In Zimbabwe the men kabayikwenda Gidiza. Like jet-fighters they always return back to base.
This reminds me of this housewife who got tired of her husbands escapades that she bought a puppy, and named it Udingelinjani.
Lets talk on mdhlax2602@yahoo.co.uk

hk hk hk hk ha ha he he hk hk hk, nguban'othi Zwangs uyathirimuka?

magents ncedani ngidinga ifenda elile dairyboard lezibusiso ezingisethayo or else ngizabuyela ecameroon

Here and there

Kanti lensizwa eyayishaya amahlaya la ku chronicle seyayaphi? I used to like the column, the guy was and is a star.