Ntombiyelanga,
This is great!!! Thank you so much uyazi, ngizizwa ngiduduzeka njalo ngisiba lamandla okuya phambili. Lanxa nje imizwa ingiphika, igxilile kulomfokazi. Kodwa I suppose it is a matter of time, kuzodlula. What can I do ngomuntu engangithandi lanxa ngimthanda kanganani.

Ntombiyelanga

izicebiso zakho personally ngizibona angani zinje; frank, well meaning, and for the wanna-be cassanova man out there, hard hitting. i do however have a problem with points 2,4,6 in your text:


umbono wami ngothi loba i-advice yakho i-positive, in a world eyibuxhakaxhaka njengalowu esiphila kuwo, phecelezi complex ngolwendlovukazi, it is generally hard to go about life nge-templete or i-manual. usisi usenkingeni, but kulendlela yena abeziphethe ngayo, asaziphethe ngayo, and for that matter, azaqhubeka eziphethe ngayo. in other words, ikhona indlela asezibhrende ngakhona. today, that is exactly who she is. unless that kind of ubunguye bakhe kuyibo obumfaka kusimo akiso, i honestly don't think a make-over is in order. imagine going out of your way, your comfort zone, to maintain a look or character that should impress men. round about here i must apologise for perhaps speaking for other people, but i think that the best image you can project is simply being yourself. le yiyo i-image ozohlala uyiyo yona, no chance for surprises ubaba-to-be esefikwelwa ngumoya wokuthi you are no longer the person akubona or ayecabanga ukuthi unguye. there will be man out there who will be impressed ngendlela oyiyoyona lamhlanje.

as for unamba 4, uthando is a thing of emotion. it is not a hard science. when it comes to uthando, thing are never really in black and white. believe me, there is usually a lot of grey areas. for instance, when one thinks about people who matter most in their life, guess what, for all the that piggish behaviour lobaba angabe ekubonisa yona, you can't help but think about them. kangitsho lapha ukuthi u-impossible ukumtshiya umuntu onjalo, but there are a bunch of scenarios that we can ponder. for all we know, there might be some things about this guy that really have a hold over usisi. phela mhlawumbe lubaba is not a complete joke, a complete monster, a complete what ever okokuthi you can just snap a finger, and viola, you are ready to forget all about him and move right on. those things that still make you think of him, and miss him, might need dealing with before utshiya umuntu. so i guess what i'm saying is, instead of just ukumtshiya, let us think about easing and even negotioating your way and emotions out of a relationship. it might take time. and it might involve taking stock.

point number six looks good, but kasifani singabantu, and our intepretations of lezizinto ozibethayo may differ from individual to individual, and so, for example, the way you define accomplished or even beautiful, may not be the same lendlela usisi azawathattha ngakhona.

kangingalandisi, but i do not wish to paint a dull picture of this whole thing. in fact i am quite happy nge-apporach yakho. lets just say a combination of ezinye izinto ozitshoyo will most probably work beautifully, but there will be mistakes and lessons along the way. together with being the individuals that we are, i think we should be willing to learn from the mistakes we make in life

Vunguza,
akudingakali ukuthi udade azitshintshe abengomunye umuntu kodwa kumele aziphathe njengendlovukazi. Ubaba wami wangifundisa ngisemncane ukuthi amadoda akuphatha njengoba ubavumela, ngokuxotsha mina lomama, esethethe omunye umfazi. Inkinga le ngiyayazi ngoba lami ngake ngabalejaha elidlala ngemizwa yami kodwa mina ngilenzela izinto ezinhle. Yebo, its hard to let go, kodwa kumele uqinisele, and finally make peace with yourself, and make space for Mr Right.

As for divatude, ubuhle, and accomplishment, every woman is beautiful in her own way/she just has to bring it out. After ibreak-up, it is the hardest time. One way a woman can boost herself up, is getting a make-over. Yiphi indoda engasoze ikuthakazelele ubuhle lobu? (ngaphandle nxa engu-Misthang?)

Asidingi ukuzonda amadoda, kodwa mina ngithi, umfazi engaqoma indoda elungileyo, kumele ayiphathe njengenkosi, ngoba layo izamphatha njengendlovukazi. Kodwa umfazi engakhomba umdlali, u-player (engakwazi), ngithi kunkazana, `stand up for yourself.`

Ntombiyelanga

fair point, sister, fair point.

after all, the energy that you send out to the world is eventually the same energy you will attract to yourself. i still cannot figure out ukuthi i-expression leyi ithini ngesakithi.

Uthando, ulakho ukuluthola ngokuzi khankasa ngendlela eveza i"brand " yakho. Lokhu kwenza njalo ukuthi omasaka bangaze bafinyelela, bahle besabele khatshana. Kumele ube "competetive", kuyafana lezinye izinto esihlangana lazo empilweni, njenge mfundo, inotho, amanetwork, impumelelo lemidlalo.

isitsho sakho siyezwakala, kodwa kungani kulento leyo eyema- opposites attract? Kungani nxa uyintombi ilomusa amanye amajaha babona angani ungushesha avume/bamthathela phezulu behle bethi hayi, lowo ngizamsebenzisa? Nxa uyintombi ukhanya uzithanda amanye amajida bakubona angathi ungu-high maintainance?
Ngichasisela i-same energy theory leyo.

Hawu Dokotela, long time no hear. Ungangichasisela ukuthi kuyini i-brand? Yi-category yemihlobo yezintombi yini? Kodwa ule-point, of being `competitive` ezintweni ezinengi empilweni, kodwa ngicela ukubuza what happens nxa uhlala endaweni engela majaha ongawazwisisa njengabako Mthwakazi? Kumbe nxa ungelama-options aqondileyo? I-brand yami kumele ibe- goal-getting, confident, kind, creative, young, wise, beautiful- kodwa kungani o-YO bengikhombisa okwamanga-manga, lanxa ngingelandaba labo?
Kumbe yikuthi abantu abanengi bacabanga ukuthi I`m still in my teens, mina ngikuma-twenties, besebebona angathi - angumntwanyana engingagijimisa? I-brand leyi, iya-confuza, ngoba I`m one way one hand, but look differently on another hand. The point is, omasaka abesabi ukungilanda.

There was I thinking you only joined yesterday...

Yes, I joined yesterday, but I haven` t heard from Dok. Wonke umuntu uyakwazi na ukuthi ngingumafikizolo?

Dade okala nge tru Luv. Bakithi okunye ungathi yikukhulumela ukuba sithole okungasilibazisa nje kuphela. I brend le elizibrender ngayo kanti kuyini sibili? Umuntu ngumuntu ngoyikhokhona okuhlanganisela ubuntu bakho. Khonokho oyikhokhona yikho okumele kuthandwe ngokuthandayo, ngoba uma ukuguqula usenzela ukuthi ng;khona uzabonaka yibo omasaka labo abatshiwoyo, ngibona kuzakukhathaza kusasa. Phela singakwenza konke okwenziwayo lokho, lakhonaphela ukubrender lokho kodwa kubuye kusiphendukele nxa phela asithi sesakhile lalowo owabona i brend hatshi umuntu uqobolwakhe usumguqukele wabangesinye isimo hatshi asibonayo mhlalihlangana. Ngithola kukuhle ukuziphatha kuhle nje uyilokho owadalwa uyikhokhona.

Kuliqiniso ukuba isifazana sonke asihle lesibi loba onjani ingqe elebele, angaze ugobile kumbe uqondile, iqiniso yikuthi uyakhonjiswa kuphela ende uma etshiphile, bayam'bhuqa abafana. Ungaboni bebhuza uthikumbe yimhlolo, yikwenza kwabo, wena yazi ukuthi akusibonke abakulandayo abaqotho. Inengi ngoLandelani laboSandisa betsho bezamanje kungelalutho. Phela labo umabebhuza njengokubekakwakho mhlawumbe kukhona okubonakeleyo.

Lo ozangokulamba kantiyena kanje wawuboneni kuye ngoba umawayevele enje, sengabe wamdampa kudala wazidingela ohambelana lawe. Enjoy your life kusavuma ngoba sizakutshiya isikhathi.

Njengoba ngitshilo Dade, akudingakali ukuthi umuntu azitshintshe ukuze akhonjiswe hatshi. Nxa ngikhuluma ngeyami i-brand, ngivele nginjalo ngemvelo, umama wasikhulisa ukuthi sibe- creative, beautiful, confident, independant, sexy, strong- ultimate a diva. Ngoba umama wayevele enjalo esesemusha. (My mom expects nothing less from her daughters.) Umama was the kind of woman to host a dinner party with intelligent accomplished people in a stunning evening gown, whilst she could cook/a 5 course dinner in stillettos; umama wayebusa amadoda ayengekho comfortable with women in charge. Konke lokhu kwakusenzakala ekhaya eZim, into engangijwayelanga ukuyibona. I` d be a fool not to learn to be all that I was taught growing up. Leyo nsizwa engilayo/engizabalayo, izokwazi ukuthi nginjani ngempela ingakangiqomisi. (he`ll know what he` s got on his hands) Angisoze ngitshintshe.

Uqinisile ukuthi amajaha wonke aphongulandela, kodwa I don` t waste my time with nothings. Angimelelanga umuntu ngoba impilo yami ngiyaziphilela; varsity, work, modeling, writing a book etc. As for finding true love, angikhathali kangako ngoba I have long time decent male friends/admirers; ngingazikhethela nje, it` s up to me.

Bengike ngatsho be "branding" ukuthi iqakathekile kumuntu wonke. I"Branding" ayitsho ukuthi usuzatshintsha i"identity" yakho. It just means you thrive to improve the way you do things, the way you look, the way you communicate et cetera.

I don't honestly see a reason why any person would not want to improve certain aspects of their lives. We are not perfect, yikho mina ngithi let us strive for perfection in everything we do. Umhlaba lo is very competetive. You will find yourself attracting people of a different calibre too.

Mina personally angeke ngitsho ukuthi ngile-experience yama-opposites attracting quite strongly kuma-relationships. i however do hear about it a lot. if it is more than just male attracted to female or vice versa, it could be that perhaps lowomuntu obona angani lababantu abezwanayo ngama-opposites akatholanga ithuba lokufundisisa lesosimo salabobantu.

i should be quick to point out ukuthi i do not dismiss that said theory. i am entirely not sure ukuthi ama-opposites can last in a union yezothando. talk of i-discord le okhuluma ngayo eye-incompartibility eza lokuthi either omunye ucababga ukuthi uyasetshenziswa, kumbe omunye ebiza omunye ngo-high maintenance, etc, etc. in the same vein i challenge the theory ethi umfana wenkomo can exist in a healthy love relationship le stock broker sase-Wall Street. ok, hyperbole aside, izindaba zothando, ngowami umbono, ziye zisebenze kungaba le-balance ethile, where each party pulls their weight, which means, knowing exactly how much wieght it is that you pull also means knowing the wieght that the other party pulls (phecelezi knowing AND understanding each other very well). unless ngiphosisile, lokhu kwenzeka if bobabili abantu be-functiona ku-same world, level, sengani becabanga ngendlela efanayo.