Here and There with William Phiri

A Chronicle roving photographer on an assignment to cover Makopo’s (Emakhandeni’s) water woes on Tuesday captured a woman proudly holding her waist in front of a queue waiting for a water bowser from uMazayi (Bulawayo City Council). Strategically placed in front of her was ibhavu.
Ibhavu, for those who do not know, is a dish that the pioneers of indigenisation, Amapostori, have mastered in making using galvanised sheets.
Ibhavu has always been part of eMalokitshini – long before showers and bathtubs became the in-thing. Mothers treasured amabhavu – special permission had to be sought by anyone who wanted to borrow it. Mothers would easily fit all the little ones and bath them. Ibhavu was handy when it came to washing blankets – that was the time when bedwetting was almost like a fad, what with washing lines and ingotsha (rubber hedge) every morning sagging under the weight of wet blankets. Washing blankets was an enjoyable exercise for kids. They would enjoy jumping into ibhavu and stomping on the blankets until omama ordered them out. When not in use, ibhavu was stashed on top of the wardrobe where it doubled up as a laundry basket. It some cases, it was hung on the wall to avoid taking up a lot of space in the small rooms of eMalokishini.
During parties and weddings, ibhavu would be filled up with drinks covered by ice blokes.
At funerals two amabhavu would be positioned by the gates for those returning from the cemetery to wash their hands – and faces too for some. One bhavu had water and the smelly Umsuzwane leaves (meant for the traditionalists and the superstitious) and the one had plain water (for the Christians and not-so-superstitious).

Awuyifakanga yonke i article le hk hk hk hk.

hk hk hk

quote:

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Ibhavu was handy when it came to washing blankets – that was the time when bedwetting was almost like a fad, what with washing lines and ingotsha (rubber hedge) every morning sagging under the weight of wet blankets.

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Ingotsha yayingeke ya-survivor, what with ingubo zomcamo during the day and ebusuku lani oSgero lifithizele abantwana babantu!!

Nansi ke yonke Sgero:

Here and There with William Phiri

A Chronicle roving photographers on an assignment to cover Makopo’s (Emakhandeni’s) water woes on Tuesday captured a woman proudly holding her waist in front of a queue waiting for a water bowser from uMazayi (Bulawayo City Council). Strategically placed in front of her was ibhavu.
Ibhavu, for those who do not know, is a dish that the pioneers of indigenisation, Amapostori, have mastered in making using galvanised sheets.
Ibhavu has always been part of eMalokitshini – long before showers and bathtubs became the in-thing. Mothers treasured amabhavu – special permission had to be sought by anyone who wanted to borrow it. Mothers would easily fit all the little ones and bath them. Ibhavu was handy when it came to washing blankets – that was the time when bedwetting was almost like a fad, what with washing lines and ingotsha (rubber hedge) every morning sagging under the weight of wet blankets. Washing blankets was an enjoyable exercise for kids. They would enjoy jumping into ibhavu and stomping on the blankets until omama ordered them out. When not in use, ibhavu was stashed on top of the wardrobe where it doubled up as a laundry basket. It some cases, it was hung on the wall to avoid taking up a lot of space in the small rooms of eMalokishini.
During parties and weddings, ibhavu would be filled up with drinks covered by ice blokes.
At funerals two amabhavu would be positioned by the gates for those returning from the cemetery to wash their hands – and faces too for some. One bhavu had water and the smelly Umsuzwane leaves (meant for the traditionalists and the superstitious) and the one had plain water (for the Christians and not-so-superstitious).
Talking about funerals, last week I promised to look into Terence Ranger’s Dignifying Death book. Unfortunately, due to unforeseen problems I cannot do so this week. Watch next weekend’s column..
For all your feedback, zikomo, ngiyabonga, ndinotenda.
Last Saturday I got a phone call from a Mr Nkomo from Luveve. He was worried about sudden silence on ikhabhiza (drinking cabinet) of late and also wanted to find out whether the recent price hikes in the creative juices (beer) had anything to do with it.
Well, ikhabhiza is very much together. Actually it has grown bigger. What with the school holidays and the ever escalating prices of inyembezi zika Queen (bottled beers), we are getting new members almost every day.
But then, Sunday News, carried story that almost brought a collective heart attack to drinkers who love the open spaces and the confines and exclusiveness of oMaMkhize (shebeens). The police would now arrest, detain and take to court any public drinking repeat offenders. Eish!
Admittedly, police raids at bottlestores (affectionately known as speed bars) and koMaMkhize, have always brought the best in drinkers. All sorts of tricks have been employed to avoid being arrested. These include hiding behind deep freezers, curtains, in bathrooms, jumping into bed fully clothed and pretending to the be father of the house. A member our khabhiza even had the guts to climb up a tree when he saw oBlack Boots approaching the shebeen he had just been kicked out of. The police missed him. Unfortunately, he fell asleep on the tree and came down with a thud long after the police had gone.
The only option now is to drink ebhizo (beergarden) but then what of residents of Ekhala Nyoni (Cowdray Park)?
As fate would have it, the lawyers have also hiked their consultations fees to around $2 million per an hour. Those in the habit of threatening to call their lawyers every time they are raided at shebeens and bottlestores will surely have second thoughts. Unlike in the previous scenario, I am sure the lawyers would be more than willing to wake up in the middle of the night to prepare to release their clients from efensini. Now the hassle of answering endless calls from the wives/husbands, family and employers while waiting to be taken to court.
OmaMkhize, being the survivors that they are, might come up with new strategies – like hosting endless Birthday Parties or After Tears Parties (a new phenomenon especially after funerals sponsored by Diasporans).
Asazi!
“Hie Wills. Is fresh milk still offered for free at primary schools? Maybe that is why ukulova engidla was not so rampant. Those were the early 80s eLotshe… (091801915).”
“Ngo 1982 sisiya ku competition e-Sizinda ngaboleka isihlangu esimnyama kujaha okuthiwa ngu Silas. Ngahlekwa yizitshomi zisithi uSilas usifuna sesipholishiwe. (091365727).”
“Your article yesterday reminded me of my early days in Chinhoyi where after a long day of playing soccer in the dusty streets our parents would tell us to take a cold shower. (023319255)”
“Akumudzi bwanji bambo? A sticker in a kombi reads: ‘Nurses do it with
patience’. Whatever it is? – S.K. (091952617).
At least the signwriter got his spelling right. Imagine if he had replaced the “ce” with “ts”!
“Eh Wills. Back to emaroots. Uyalwazi ugcabho wena? – Sindy (091903113).
“Happiness keeps you sweet. Trials keep you strong. Sorrows keep you human. Failure keeps you humble. Success keeps you glowing. But only uMantengwane keeps you going and flying. – Unodumehlezi. (091356242).”
“I was on holiday and guess where? Vumbachikwe Mine on the outskirts of Gwanda. Do you still remember the Ndebele novels ‘esasiwabala’ about the mine? Why not take a break from eMalokitshini one and visit ‘ezinkomponi’? – 091365562.”
“Thank you for your column that I read online whenever I can. Living in the UK what I miss the most about home and eMalokitshini is the sunshine- ukulothamela ilanga until I fall asleep. I have such a shortage of it here its driving me mad- even the pounds are not worth this! Siyabonga. - Noyise Nyathi”.
“Wills, wena mfana ngakudla ku ski! Kanti uyakhumbula yini early 80s umntwana lowana owazalwa eMagwegwe okwakuthiwa uzelwe elendevu and wathi abantu kumele bagqize amalala otherwise kuzabalomkhuhlane o blayindi?
Then kwabuya into yetiye leyana! That was Blues for sure. On another note, kanti uShowa lo Manyanyatha usabakhumbula yini? Ijoni leliyana uCoetze who was a terror to omama abathengisa imbhida.
Thanks topi for the wonderful column. Ngiyayidinga every week as it takes
me back home. - Themba Sgero (UK)”
Will keep you updated on uShowa. Did you see the one on uMorali?
“Nice column! Gaya I respect the guy who designed olami ngilayo
(hipsters). He deserves a lifetime achievement award .... he/she definitely made some of the less facially gifted sisters something to smile about...i mean isgengela... From fohsta, fohsta@coolgoose.com”
“I grew up in Mtshabingo, Vulindlela. My dad used to a have a house nicknamed Modern Paradise. Do you happen to know about notorius gangster called (name withheld) whom it is claimed he cut his dad's private parts?
Indeed some of us are familiar with the 70's and 80's. I had a tough time dealing with problematic lodgers who failed to pay on time. Also there was a neighbour who used to borrow a bucket of mealie-meal and never to replaced as promised.
Anyone who remembers Blues township football teams: Combat in Mpopoma (who were often accused of cheating), Bulawayo Warriors in Tshabalala, Blue Bombers, Ingwebu and so forth?
Do you remember early Rastas in Tshabalala -Gedion--Stanley (tailor) Dennis?
How is Cold Storage (Ezibayeni) and Embuzini where we used to buy amathumbu enkomo. Oh! Oh! Oh! please my best amasese, half zangatha. – From Robbie (UK), moletil@aol.com.”
“This is just to say that I have been greatly enjoying your series of township pieces, especially 'Worshipping emalokitshini'. I have been writing a book about the history of Bulawayo between 1890 and 1960, which has been taking too long to finish. It is to be called 'Bulawayo Burning' as a tribute to Yvonne Vera's 'Butterfly Burning' and I wish I had been able to present her with it before she died. Anyway I attach an article on funerals in the townships, mostly in Makokoba, which was published last year and which you may enjoy. Good wishes. – From Terry Ranger.”

Soweto

Thanks ngwenya yami for yonke i article hk hk hk hk nginanzelele ngoba ngiphosele amazwi lami kuyo!!! (ukuhlakaniphela eceleni!)

KaMjaji

hk hk hk ya, but yayithwele yonke into ingotsha. Imbhida lamacimbi kwakuchaywa kuyo futhi. Ubukhokho obuvela embizeni ezigeziswa ntambama labo wawubuthola phakathi kwengotsha.

Bulawayo rules for life!!

Le iarticle ingithethe yayangitshiya kwenye iKhisimusi ka 1979 lapho esasigqoke khona isudu zeSting lezicathulo zakhona ezazimetsha ziyi brown ezazibizwa ama Woppers ezabotsheri kuthiwa ngama Tractor. Ingoma eyayisidla ubhedu kungeka Michael Jackson ethi "don't stop till you get enough" but elokishini ngoba sasingezwa ukuthi ithini sasijobelela sithi "dont talk to a guerilla" (angithi ama guerilla ayeqala ukuhlala eNtumbane)Abafana laba ababeyiziphepheli eZambia besithathela otsheri bethu ngama ball point abo awayeyi yellow. Nxa.

Into ayikhohliweyo ku article yisihlahla sikamabhrosi ngoba laso sasiblayindi njenge ngotsha. Iboyz ezazigangile zazikudlulisa phansi kwesikhala sengotsha beseziqala inja zona zibaleke isale ikwenzela amatshakatshaka.

aziwe majida la lisitshele njalo sikhumbuzane ezigigaba zemalokitshini.

Nostalgia yako Bulawayo. uzasibulala u Wills s'true. Here is another article esuka kuye.




Here and There by William Phiri 4 June 2005
Transport eMalokishini

Cotton farmers made headlines this week for the wrong reasons. The merchants allege that the farmers are adding weight to their bales of cotton by hiding a few stones inside.

I could not help but smile when I read the article. Ingqondo zenkomponi!

Growing up eMalokishini, we used to raise money for football bets and idengwa (movies) from collecting and selling scrap metals and amathambo (bones). Some bullies used to force innocent-looking youngsters to add stones into their collection bags.

With the scrap metal, there was a big green lorry that used to ferry us from eMalokishini to koScrapper in the industrial areas. To jump onto the truck, one had to show their collection to the driver and his assistant. At times this meant splitting your collection to get some of your friends on the back of the truck. It was fun. The truck will do the rounds eMalokishini - Pumula, Magwegwe, Njube, Matshobane and then into eGruv (Thorngrove). They would weigh our scrap metal before giving us the equivalent in coins - it was very, very rare to get eyephepha (one dollar). I hear the clerks, then, also used to make a killing because none us knew how to read those weighing scales.

As soon as we got our monies, we would dash to a bakery few blocks away and buy ugqu otshisayo (hot bread) and cream doughnouts. Others simply went back to the truck and started gambling - uski.

It was the same with selling bones emakaratini. Some of us would stuff the roller meal plastic bags with bricks before filling it up with amathambo. One day our trick went awry. Our buyer called his vicious dogs and ordered all of us to empty our bags. Besides the embarrassment that gripped most of us, that day the chaps selling bread recorded little business. It was the same for uski and football bets.

Another interesting story that made headlines was of Ingwebu Breweries eyeing export markets. That would be nice. I have missed the stuff on the occasions that I have gone "overseas" like eJobeki. One time we had to search all over Soweto for masese but without any luck. The other time I had to carry my own Thatha Fives and Takura Fives. The other passengers in the combi complained throughout the night but when we touched Joubert Park, the attention and offers that I got from Onjivana! No ways, no amount of rands could make me part with my stuff. My khabhiza in Hillbrow loved the stuff.

Now about ikhabhiza, I bumped into one of them, uJB recently and he said I left a lot of detail concerning the new buses. I also got an sms from BabaZwiko which read: "Hie Phiri, you are the best on Saturdays. Do you remember those Albion 'Mganda' buses of the 80s. I hope these FAWs buses won't end up like that."

Well, I remember those Albions very well. The way they used to labour up eBrijini leNguboyenja while cyclists and that dare-devil Peugeot 404 driver knicknamed John Love seemed to fly past. Then came the "Funny Face" buses. They were faster and had more space. I even had the luck to ride on a double decker bus when I visited Matero lokishini in Zambia's capital Lusaka some years ago.

We loved those buses. As kids, we used to drive bricks around the yard. Remember the story of a kid who was driving a brick in the bedroom and warned: "Basopha Masawa ngizakugxoba"?

Then came imaginary buses where one pretended to be the driver with the rest, the passengers, clinging onto his big shirt. The driver had to reproduce the difference sounds made by the buses - hammmuu. hahahamuuuu (double clash). pipiiii - (hooting) and tswiiii for sudden breaking that would have all the passengers bumping into each other and the driver! Nqinqo. when one of the passengers wanted to drop off. The only advantage of these 'buses' was they could do a sudden 90 degree turn without losing their balance.

Later we graduated into izimotha zamawaya. We would collect wires, design and make cars with them. We used to take pride in doing the biggest and the strongest car. We would drive these cars to the shops and load some of the stuff on them. The more beautiful and stronger your car was, the more likely it was to be stolen outside the shops or from the roof tops of chicken runs or toilets or ekitshini (illegal structures) where we used to keep them overnight. You see where some people perfected their carjacking skills?

Bus termini where meeting places. I remember Magwegwe terminus, in the mornings students from eHigh School (Mpopoma) in their safari suits would stand in their own group. Then there was a group abemanda (industrial sites). The bus inspectors would be seen proudly holding their walkie-talkies and shouting "Kelvin North over.over. over can you hear me over."

School children in uniform used to pay half fares. As a show of respect the children would offer adults seats - something that does not happen these days.

In the evenings, there were two popular dropping off points - at the old police station (Now opposite Ntshamate Primary School) and the first turn facing the rent office. These were dropping off points for obaba headed for the beergarden. On Fridays it was common to find children hanging around these bus stops waiting for goodies or groceries so that obaba could join ikhabhiza without having to worry about forgetting the stuff ebhawa. Those were the days when you could count the households with fridges eEriyeni on your one hand. Actually the popular sitshebo was inhloko. The meat pieces where hung on washing lines for most of the week. Kids used to call it "stereo" because it meant eating meat for several days.

The buses used to have a notice by the door: "Please ensure you tender the correct fare". Inside there was a cartoon (done by the late H Musa of the Woza-cartoon fame) of a naughty-looking youngman ripping the seats with a razor blade. Behind him stood a policeman dangling handcuffs. Maybe it was with this in mind that FAW chairs are made of strong plastic.

On the notice inside a bus, Chisale had ikhabhiza in stitches recently. He claims he knows a bit of Chinese because he has been working for them for a while now. So he claims one of the notices inside the bus reads: "Lapha gada muntu kalo Lokishini kuphela".

Now with our love for idengwa at Number Two (Emabutweni), Matshobana, Sizinda and Beit Hall, I can imagine what could have been like if we had these Chinese buses then. Now coming from watching Bruce Lee or any other karate movie, we would have had enough space in the aisles to demonstrate Bruce Lee's moves.

It would start like: "You killed my master.." Then dushhh!, dushhh! dushhhI and then flying kick in the aisle.

But then, jumping on a bus from edengwa to Old Magwegwe could have taken the thrill of dealing with gangsters on the way back home. Our route was littered with minefields in the form of nasty gangs. These gangs were more than willing to demonstrate a few skills that they had seen edengwa.

At eMatshobane, there was the Black Power gang that was notorious for tying people onto the railway line. Those were the days when the railway kids used to make us believe that you could overturn a train by leaving a needle on the railway track.

Now while most commuter operators are charging $5000 for a trip, the buses cost $1 000. More and more people from eMalokishini are opting for the buses.

EMalokishini will never be the same after the clean-up operation. Sahwira, who used to boast to ikhabhiza that he is a landlord eBambazonke is in deep mourning. It is only this week that we learnt that the several houses that he used to own were wooden shacks eMbare that have been razed down.

Emalokishini we will miss the cobblers that normally seat under the trees emakhoneni and doubling up as omaburawa. The talkative barbers that are always ready to take off at the sight of the amapholisa kaMazayi (Municipal police). Omasalu who sell amaveji and are also reliable sources of the happenings eEriyeni.

As for oMaMkhize (shebeen queens), they are having the last laugh.

"Heh! Heh! Heh! We are fully behind the clampdown of Amatshabhini. Heh! Amatshabhini this, amatshabhini that. inxeba leyinye indoda alihlekwa," uMaMkhize has been telling her patrons.

Tomorrow is a big day for the Warriors. Let's wish them luck to surmount the Gabon hurdle on their way to qualifying for the World Cup.

For your feedback, zikomo, ngiyabonga, ndinotenda.

"You always write about eLokishini and its not bad. But I think the name eMalokishini with Wills Phiri will do. - Pros Mandla Sibs (south)".

Will have to consult Mdhlax about this one.

"Michael Jackson is trial ngokudlalisa into yomntwana. Imagine how many ogogo would stand trial because of ukubhema igwayi labazukulu? - Gorbachev R S."Eish!

"I would like to join your khabhiza. What does it take? - Thando."

You need to have enough money for izangatha. The rest you can keep it for later koMaMkhize (sheeben).

"Mr Phiri, please stop criticising Jehovah's Witnesses. What you are writing is not true. And you know it. I don't know why you do it or you want more people to read your column by using Jehovah's Witnesses. Ha! - 0X1365739."

I do not remember critising JWs. I have never believed in the holier-than-attitude that most Christians are fond of. I have so much respect for Mboni zaYehova and every God-fearing person. There were plenty of them in my neighbourhood at Old Magwegwe and I used to attend some of their prayer meetings eMakaratini. I wrote about how Catholics, Anglicans, amaZion, Seventh Day Adventists, ZCC, JWs and Rastafarians keep their faith long after leaving the church.

"I enjoyed reading your article about "emalokitshini". It revived good old memories way back in the 70's at Magwegwe Primary School. Now I am an adult and far away from Bulawayo but felt so near. - Meria Kavalo, Blantyre, Malawi."Zikomo amai! Enough for this week.

Kuyabongeka lokhu.

Indoda le kukhanya engathi iyarocka mpela. Maybe abantu bathenga ipampiro ngenxa yakhe. Ngubani ongafuna ukukhuthwa yinto enje.

Thanx majida

Here and There with William Phiri
Last weekend, etoni (the city centre) was a hive of activity.
On Friday there was uMzeks Man (I know most parents somehow get tongue-tied in trying to pronounce his full name) and on Saturday there was Dan Tshanda and his crew.

The entertainment programme offered ontanga (youngsters) and the older (who prefer to be called the mature) generation a chance rekindle those memorable youthful days with Tshanda, Patricia Majalisa and Matshikos.

Thanks to Umthunywa’s editor, Bhekinkosi I was able to attended Mzeks Man’s gig.

Zazikhupha! Maybe it was because the gig and the venue brought so many memories of my youthful days with my original khabhiza (drinking cabinet). The responsive young crowd – they knew every song word by word! Mzeks’ Man’s ability to control the crowd! The mean looking ongalo (bouncers). The daring fans who would once in a while thatha ama-chance to break through ongalo’s barrier and jump onto the stage to hug Mzeks Man before being dragged off stage!

The dances have since changed. We were an energetic lot. Talk about Patapata, Sinjonjo, MJ, robot, break dance, catfish, cabbage, running man dances, MC Hammer dances, there were nowhere near the slight jerking movements made by today’s youths.

As the youths took to the floor, I was reminded of the shows that I used to attend at Boys’ (youth) clubs, White City Stadium, Emagumeni (Barbourfields) and Queens Sports Club. At White City I attended Steve Kekana’s, Don Carlos’ and Gregory Isaac’s gigs; Jimmy Cliff’s and Denis Brown’s at BF? Then there were reggae outings UB40 (and Stimela), Lucky Dube (and PJ Powers), Misty in Roots and Ogandaganda (Soul Brothers) at Queens Sports Club.

And then there was the sold out Ogandaganda gig that was rained off and had to be rescheduled for a Friday evening at Emagumeni at a reduced price of three dollars. Before the jam packed gig kicked off, there was an ubaranda (jeki) kept on shouting: “Omama bemashebeen bayalicela estejini phambili. The Soul Brothers want to thank you for your support!”

Ikhabhiza tells me that there is a bosso player who was lights out and made a nuisance of himself at the Dan Tshanda show. Bantu! I thought he gets enough attention eMagumeni.

However, amid all this, what struck me was how some things have not changed. Why do promoters put vague information on their posters? What does 7pm till late mean? I got to Mzeks Man’s gig at 0030hrs to discover that local groups where still busy entertaining the packed City Hall. Izinyoka only came on stage at 0040hrs!

The costs of drinks at the shows was out of this world. A quart going for $90 000 compared to $30 000 at the speed bar! One member of ikhabhiza remarked: “The promoters are such a sensible lot. They knew that most people would be driving home after the show and they had to limit their drinking”.

Last weekend, BaSotho organised a get-together to map the way forward in keeping their language and customs alive. Any reader who can enlighten us on a similar initiative by akwatu some time back? I have been getting a lot of enquiries. Nditandizeni anzathu please!

For your feedback, zikomo, ngiyabonga, ndinotenda, thank you.

“You reminded me of an old schoolmate uDavid Mapondera. On being asked on what he wanted to be, when he grew up, he replied: ‘umabhimu’. – Johnso 011765816.”

There are so many of us who used to admire omabhimu. They wore whatever they wanted to work – wigs, a boot on foot and amateki on the other. Babetshaya umgwazo – working to finish. Their care-free language. At Magwegwe Primary School we used to hold our assembly in open-air set up. Each time they passed through, without fail they would shout: “Teacher, ungaqambeli abantwana amanga!”

“Your column reminds me of the places where I grew up in i.e mine compounds in Mutorashanga such as Sutton, Vanad, Muriel and Caesar. Life by then was too good. – 091338143.”

“At Helemu we used to have boxing fights for a cake of soap called Kel –77 which used to be brought by a smart guy called Ringo Starr. - Stimela.”
I bumped into the “smart guy” in town recently. He is still smart. Remember some people saying he stopped boxing because he did not want to damage his good looks. Stories from emalokishini!

“Gift and I used to imitate Charles Mabika and Evans Mambara at Helemu during parents’ days. I would go: ‘Jean Botrane Bokande the rastaman… it’s a goaaal! The Senegalese have scored again Charlie. - Gee, 011765816.”

“Kanjani bambo? Your article reminded me of my primary school days tikuyenda kuS’lantini kwamwaya. It was difficult time because I drank gallons of tt. – 091976776.”

“Emakhandeni we now have isibhorane and Scanias for hire. We always look forward to hearing all those exciting stories in the water queues. – Zie Msimanga.”

“Have you heard ukuthi lokhuyana esasikwenza sisakhula ekhaya sekusenzakala lalapha etoni? Ukuyathayimela ezibhoraneni. – DIEM.”

“Osisi enkomponi are enjoying ukukha amanzi esibholaneni. It gives them a chance to see oJeki more often. – Tjedza.”

“Uyazi, okungapha eCowdray! Abantu abahlala eSign Post have started digging mini-boreholes in their yards and guess what? The water is coming out. Talk of water woes! – Nitha, 011515606.”

Now you people of Ekhala Nyoni are complicating things for uMazayi (Bulawayo City Council). The norm is, if you do not pay up your rates, uMazayi sends those men in blue overalls to cuts off your water supplies. Now with such a discovery in your back yards, you might render ibhobhojane useless.

“I dreamt uMazayi announcing beer rationing. Asazi amaGerman Tankers! – 091328821.”

“Do you still remember ukuthi iFlavour Raver yayimnandi njani emaseseni? These days I would rather stick to inyembezi zika Queen koNaka Lokhuza eMz, because amasese without Flavour Raver kawayenzi. – 091365562.”

Are you not scared of digging amafoundations eCowdray Park? Anyway, you had a not-so-good initiation. Amasese, like whisky, is supposed to taken “neat”, as my khabhiza always insists. My khabhiza oDlomo, oSahwira, oNcube, oChisale, oSakala never touch amasese that are diluted. They have seen enough fist-fights that result from diluting amasese with Izikhiphani.

“I remember kuSurf Pick-A-Box Show usisi was asked kana ukapihwa humberger unodla here, unotamba here kana kuti unoimenya? Then replied: ‘Ah ndoitamba!’ – 091969302.”

“MaWills, I propose that iUZ ikunike i-degree yefatela. Keep on uzikhupha. – 011742386.”

“Ebra! Things have changed. Watsikana, walikujaivachikokocha mumabhawa kufuna ndarama. – Vozhi, 091429670.”

“You recall a drama series on Radio 2 from Lion Razor Blades about a fast guy called Razorman? Chunga must have been likened to him, hence the nickname! I reckon soccer fans likened Chunga’s ball control and scoring skills to this Razorman’s handling of otsotsi.- Matadi, 091431745.”

“Ten houses in Makokoba haunted. Yizipoko kumbe ngo ndofa abadilizelwa izindlu. Phela ondofa abadlali ngenkwali. – Thuts, 091322910.”

Tell us more Thuts, badla ngani?

“Glory to Jesus in the highest. ‘Send this to six of your friends and after three you will receive surprises. Do not ignore this please. Just try okay? Send before you erase. – 091975160.”
I have sent this message to more than six friends. Does that make me qualify for more surprises?

I hated receiving those “Pay Forward” chain letters. The hassle of running off to the post office to collect my “Pay Forward” only to discover it is a chain letter threatening ill-fortune if I do not send 20 copies to my friends was too much.

Soweto

Nguwe ubaranda owayememezela kuma Sololo!!! I second indaba ye degree

ah zazikhipha topi ngalezo nsuku, iday yama sololo yiyo phela lapha utshazaza abulala khona eyinye iboyz eyitshaye ngestina...

Sgero, Bafethu
nanso eyakule iviki about The number one Lokishi

Uthini nge "original masalala"? iMpoes had it all sbali, iYouth Club HQ, Amabhawa, iPark, Ispampureki, imbuzi zikamazayiwana, i-swimming , i-High School, iHall, Post office kanye lakoNyangazonke (original supermarket yemalokishini), lethimu yombhejo!!
Vuma phela ngizwe Sbali

empoyez zazikhupha feya on my 21st birthday uKemzo Chemist nguye esasihaye idisco yakhe kanye laye ukuthi asimele egidini asizange sibe lohlupho ngitsho from iboyz ze number one, opara kanye labo vike hk hk hk hk

Majita

U Wills uzasingenisa ezikweledeni s'true ngoba usikhumbuza long back and mina vele sengifuna lokubuyela back to! UKemzo useNdaminya manje and uselesikolo se karate (the last time ngamgcina).

I got an email from u Wills engitshela ngo Showa:

Olah!
Ngiyabonga. I included your response in my current column. You can check it on the online edition of the Chronicle.
As for uShowa, I got a call from his daughter yesterday. She says uShowa passed away in Tsholotsho in 1999. Will try to find out about uManyanyatha.
Please keep in touch.

And ngesikhathi ngikhula I somehow had the inclination ukuthi li Shona u Showa hk hk hk hk, why that was so angazi!! Kumbe ngangicabanga ukuthi akula muntu weSintwini onjengaye hk hk hk.

maya topi wena wabopha umnemara othi showa wahle wagamula ukushona ngoba kuya rayima okungamabala kwakhona.hk hk hk hk ukuklarela etsholotsho akumenzi indenge though maybe you are right ukuthi wayeli shortcut hk hk hk

Majita
Ngilusizi ukuthi uShowa sewasitshiya. I have always wondered ukuthi iOK yayimbadala kuhle yini? If not I think they have a moral case to answer especially if he has surviving dependents.

umadlezibabayo, lomanyanyatha, john white, malaba, bona basaphila yini? nxa bephila what are they up to. I am sure sebengamakhehla.

Sowez
Umanyanyatha hantsho nguye owayelabodoli bakhe ababecina sebegadene hk hk? Isistreni yake yambiza ingela mali. Watshaya ingoma zazezaba ngu-4 silokhe sidinga imali. Eyesi 5 wathi qalani libhadale! Kwanceda enye iboyz layo eyayisibukele esesidla ubhedu umanyanyatha

The importance of bicycles
Here and There with William Phiri
Last Tuesday, a roving Chronicle photographer captured some residents of Matshobana doing a dabulap from the city centre due to the high transport fares.

More and more people are joining the walking clubs, popularly known as Sihube, or staff buses.

The idea of saving on transport sounds appealing but one has to weigh the economics of endlessly replacing shoes – what with the disappearance of cobblers after the clean-up exercise and the daily fares that they would have to fork out if they were to travel by bus or amakombi.

This scenario brings into picture another mode of transport – bicycles.

Bicycles have been part of emalokishini for a long time.

When we were young, tricycles were rare. The few that one saw around either belonged to children whose parents worked emasabhabha or the children of the elite like teachers and omabhalane (clerks).

Most of us had bicycle-riding lessons using o-Size 24, 26 and 28 bicycles.

Learning to ride a Size 28 meant a tricky balancing act of getting under the horizontal bar, straightening the handles and pedalling. This usually happened with the help of someone steadying the bicycle by holding the carrier.

There were several types of bicycles. Elewoda (with a carrier in front); Chopper (reminds of a St Bernards High teacher who used to cycle to school); Humber (mostly imported by AmaWenela); Three Speed (that went nci, nci, nci) and were a popular feature on many highways to rural areas); Racers (for the sporty type at White City Stadium) and Mountain Bikes (another import from eGoli).

The bicycles served many purposes.

There was the thrill of ukukheritshana emqwayini (horizontal bar) and at the back. Ikhabhiza (drinking mate) uHugh once asked why there is a difference (horizontal bar) between female and male bicycles. Any reader out there who can help answer Hugh?

The bicycles were mostly used by nurses, omasalu bemayadini (housemaids from the Eastern suburbs) the police, omahobho, oMakokoba (Municipal police and messengers), oma ice cream, postmen and “delivery boys”.

“Delivery boys” were normally employed by shops around month ends to do home deliveries of 20 and 50kgs of mealie-meal.

I remember on one night, a neighbour had to ask his daughter to cycle while the mother cooked under the light. He held the rear wheel up. It worked.

There was pride in cycling to rural homes. Cycling clubs were formed according to places of origin.

On Friday afternoons, the “cyclists’’ would put their groceries on the buses. Splendidly dressed in white or black-and-white checkered (scotch) mkhombandlela (caps), white shirts, safari shorts, knee high stockings and pointed shoes they would race to their rural homes.

The bicycles were colourful, with most of them having the trade mark itshoba and a knobkerrie. On their carriers they had small boxes that had inscriptions such as: “Vusa isizwe zulu”, “Tshilamoya”, “Sondela sibone”.

The bicycle had a role in ukuthayimela (courtship). For the men, it provided something to lean on while usisinyana shyly picked on tree leaves as matters of the heart took centre stage.

It was a common sight to spot osisinyana seated on the carrier facing sideways – at times carrying imikhungulu (loads on their heads) while o”Darlie” cycled.

I had a schoolmate who was used to ukuyathayimela ngebhayisikili at Iminyela. Without fail his bicycle used to “develop” problems at the same spot – just outside the girlfriend’s house. He would start repairing it until usisinyana emerged from the yard. The trick worked until alert boys in the neighbourhood saw through the trick.

There was roaring business in repairing bicycles. Up to this day, there is a commuter omnibus dropping off point in Lobengula West next to Magwegwe Boys’ Club known as Emabhayisikilini.

There was a poser to this mode of transport.

Bicycles, back then, were jealously guarded assets. There were petty thieves that thrived on stealing pumps and bulbs. My uncles used to earn their “tuck” money from looking after bicycles eBig Bhawa.

One day someone stole a pump from one of the bicycles that one of my uncles had been paid to look after. The irate owner of the bicycle reported the matter to my grandparents. The next day, my uncle “borrowed” a pump, from another bicycle to replace the stolen one. The owner refused to take it.

“Sorry mama, it looks like I’ve taught your son to steal. Young man take it back,” said the owner of the bicycle, before leaving in a huff.

There were times when cyclists had to deal with mischievous children who would call out “ Baba wawisa!” A sudden turn of the head to check whether one’s luggage was intact drew bursts of laughter. It was the same with tyre bursts. Jumping off from the bicycle to physically check the tyre reported to have burst drew the same response. Naughty children used to tie wires to bins across the road to waylay “speedsters” at night.

However, the bicycle, like ibhavu, took too much space in the small rooms. To create space, the bicycle had to be hung up the roof trusses during the night.
For your feedback, zikomo, ngiyabonga, ndinotenda, thank you.

Promise “Provovo” Dube from Mzet, thank you for your email.

“Babusi “The Mullah” Njini went on from Luveve High to make history by becoming the first black headboy at Gifford High in 1985. – 091356892.”
I wonder where he is now?

“Have you heard this one, unemployed wives sebethiwa ngo ‘Give us our daily bread.’ – JB (011746469).

They have been called oSikhangezile, PHD – permanent home defenders and now this! Bantu!

“Achimwene uyasibulala ngezistori zakho. About uShowa, he used to be a great man. He used to come eCement Siding and do a lot of his funny tricks. – From Richard, Leeds, UK.”

“Hie Wills! Ungasibulali so ngembambo! Thanks so much for your article! Home is best! – Alice, (Australia).”

“I have been following your articles since you started and I feel you have to give it a bit of change. How about news of Zimbos based in Australia? I can contribute a lot on that if allowed. We have had stories from Emalokitshini and of late UK. Paradigm shift now brother. When should I start feeding you with stories from the Oceania region? Keep in touch sibali. – Albert Mabhena, Sydney (Australia).”

Woza lazo Mntungwa. That reminds me, what happened to a teacher from Shangani Mine who promised to be my resource person?

“Bra Wills, can you tell us about the origins of the word ‘Nhorobagi’. One version I heard is that it was derived from ‘narrow back’. – Thuts, Bulawayo (091415034).”

Anyone out there who can help?

There was a huge response on why a Njube soccer ground is called Desert.

“The name was born out its previous state of being eskwakweni. – Ntokozo Sikowelo.”

“Desert emanated from those days in the 70s before uMazayi decided to put it under grass. Used to see a tough looking guy called Smart push uMazigandela every Friday. On Mpopoma, you left out uLuka! and the Nyathi Marimba band labo Drawnie (Lobengula), lothitsha uMaboys (Bafana AS). He was an all rounder in sport and pretty good too. – uMasoka, Es'titshini (Plumtree).”

“Kudala I-ground le yayingela loni, iyisikwakwa. – 091408418).

“Five funniest characters, Mr Beans, Bones, Benhill, Bill Cosby and bosso’s Tapuwa Kapini. – 011765816.”

“Whether kuse BF, away or abroad, CAPS will never beat Ezikamagebhula. Ngiyala! – Quiblo (011506898).

“Achimwene, Highlanders is a loving husband I tell you – taking his wife CAPS to honeymoon in Bradford (UK) – despite these economic challenges! – O’vet (0x1380454).”
O’vet, what do you make of the “loving husband’s” allowances furore Erenkini (Heathrow Airport) on the way back home? Did you hear about a supporter who hit the CAPS bus after the Bradford match?

“Man, you make me feel like coming home before I finish my studies. The way you research your articles, make up stories, is something that you should never give up! – DJSP Mashava, Liverpool, UK.”

“Wish I could get a compilation of your stories. I’m one of the proud VKs (Vele Khayas) and I m so proud of it, especially the memories of growing up in Gwandasburg. Being a Sotho I say big up to Chief Mathe and all the BaSothos for spearheading the revival of our language and cultural values. - Gmd”

From the feedback that I am getting about the goings-on at Emganwini, it seems ziyakhupha! I have to verify the story of izaguru involving some apongozi (mother-in-law) over her daughter’s boyfriend.


(courtesy Wills Phiri le Chronicle)

Sgero

You asked where Njini the mullah is? Iam in close contact with him. He is in Cape Town and has recently left his job as the HR Manager for Caltex to pursue his ambition as a writer.I sent him an e-mail remarking on his new status as ulova and he responded in his inimitable njini style saying, even "Charles Dickens was called ulova!" YOu can e-mail him directly at babusi@gohip.com