Mina sizani bo baka-mthwazi.
Ngithandane lale ntombi ngendlela enhle ebukekayo,kuthe emva komnyaka sabe sisehlukana ngendaba zobuzanka bakhe,kodwa ke sakulungisa ngoba sasithandana kakhulu sibili.Nanko ke sithe nxa sesindawonye futhi,umzawami weza egijimi wathi kimi,"yeyi wena
usufuna ukuyakudla imisila yempankwa okwesibili na?,phuma lapho wenzani,usudle lenwele zika nina ezasese".

yeyi ngithe ngisizwa lokhu ngahle ngayekela ukuyambona.kodwa khona kusase khona uthando,sengizamile ukudlulela phambili kodwa kuyala.Sizanini lina elibadala,lazini ngakho konke lokhu

Indaba enjenge yakho iyahlupha ukuthi uthole usizo kwabanye ngoba ixhumanisa wena laye lowo ntombazana.
Kuke kwenzakala komunye umngane wami, ngathi kuye akahlukane lontombazana wakhe ngoba ngisazi ukuthi lowo ntombazana wayefeba aze achaye ikuku njenge mpahla eziwashiwe. Emva kwesikhathi ngakhanya sengingumuntu omubi ngoba wacina emthatha lowo ntombazana, babese ngasangi khulumisi sengingu diyabholosi - ngokukhuluma iqiniso kundaba zothando lwabo.

Njengoba utshilo wena ukuthi lowo ntombazana ulobuzanka, uyabuthanda na ubuzanka lobo ngaze buphinde buqubuke njalo ngesikhathi esizayo? Nxa ubuthanda buyela kuye.

Mina ngibona kuyinto eqakathekileyo ukuthi nxa ubona umuntu engathi akakulungelanga, wena ulesifiso sokuthi lakhe umuzi, uhle uvele uhlukane laye ngoba nxa selike lashada kuba lenhlupho eziningi kakhulu.

Uyabona lami ngivumelana laweDokotela.Kanengi ukungenela inhlupho zasethandweni kuyakhathaza ngoba kukutshiya esikhaleni.Ungamkhuthaza umuntu kodwa ma esefitizelwe phakathi kwekuku lenqgondo ziyabe zingasathathi kahle.Uhle afafaze atshele lowo dali wakhe ukuthi ebona nje kulohlupho ethandweni lwabo lapha,kungenxa kaDokotela onguye ongusatane.
Wena Makhinte into enginga kukhuthaza ngayo yikuthi ma lelizanka likwehlula,dinga elinye, ngoba kukhanya yiwo umhlobo owuthandayo.
Kodwa ke yazi ngaphakathini kwakho ukuthi amazanka avele yiwo amnandi ukwedlula laba abazinzileyo.Yikho ke limuka.Inengi labotopi litshiya imizi ichitheka liduha labo laba onondindwa abalobuzanka.Ma ufuna ukwakha umuzi ozahlonitshwa ngabantu,dinga umuntu ubusujola lalaba osisi abangaziphathanga grand eceleni njengawo wonke amadoda athetheyo.

Ngiyabonga kakhulu bakithi,sengizathi ukuzingela
lezi ezithobileyo.

Bafowethu.

Ngincindezele:
_____________________________________________________________________________________
Ngithandane lale ntombi ngendlela enhle ebukekayo,kuthe emva komnyaka sabe sisehlukana ngendaba zobuzanka bakhe,kodwa ke sakulungisa ngoba sasithandana kakhulu sibili.Nanko ke sithe nxa sesindawonye futhi,umzawami weza egijimi wathi kimi,"yeyi wena
usufuna ukuyakudla imisila yempankwa okwesibili na?,phuma lapho wenzani,usudle lenwele zika nina ezasese".
____________________________________________________________________________________

Uthe wena Makhinte, lehlukana ngendaba zobuzanka bakhe. Labuye labuyelelana. Wayesebekele na lobo buzanka??? Angitsho uyatsho ukuthi " kodwa ke sakulungisa ngoba SASITHANDANA KAKHULU SIBILI"???

UYABONA KE UKUTHI UTHANDO LWEHLULA KONKE OKWAKUNGALUNGANGA.

Ubuye uthi wena Makhinte, Selithandane lehlula ubuzanka bakhe, kweza UMZAWAKHO. Usekutshela ngemipankwa lenwele zikanyokozala? Loyo Mzawakho wayemncedisa na untombazana wakho ekuphekeni lezo zinto??? WAZE NJANI???

MINA NGOMBONO WAMI NGITHI NGUYE UMUNTU OMUBI LOYO.

Uyakudiliza ezenza okwakhayo. AWUBUBONANGA UBUZANKA OKWESIBILI NGEMVA KOKUBUYELELANA. USUTHATHA NGELIKA "NGIZWA BESITHI".

Ngengxoxo yakho, you gave her a second chance and she took it. Manje nxa ungakabuboni ubuzanka besibili, losa lokho okutshiwo ngumzawakho. Akasoke azokwakhela umuzi loyo mzawakho.

IMIZI SIYIBONA IMI NJE, IQINA NGOTHANDO HATSHI NGAMA HUNGA-HUNGA IZINTO ZE SANANGAPHO. AKHANI IMIZI BANTU.

Wena mzawakhe, nxa ubona uze uyebona lalapho kuphekelwa khona inwele zasese lemipankwa eLIKHWENI lomfowenu, kubonisa ukuthi uyaloya lawe ngoba ohamba ebusuku nguye ongakubona lokhu osukulayela umfowenu eceleni. UMUBI.

Li Zwangendaba.

Ngiyajabula kakhulu ngoba uMninimuzi, uhle wathi bhadla. Dinga izanka mfowethu uthathe ubusuqhubeka ngokudinga isibothwanyana sakho sokujola njengabo bonke ospoksi. Ixhakela livele limnandi, kukanti liyindlela yokuchitha isikhathi.

Nxa kusenza mfowethu, ngabe uyali pensela izanka lelo lize liwukhombe umuzi olotshwala, kumele ulinathele iviceroy ukuze ungatsori tshophaz. Kuzamale umkhuhluze njenge sgubhu sotshwala, umgcwalisa inhlanyelo yonkendawo. Nxa sekunjalo akasoze akushayinele futh'.

Bafowethu.

Doc, hk hk hk hknkggghhhh. Sibali lapha ungibulele ngembambo.

Kanti awukwazi ukuthi nxa umzondele umutu usithi NGIZAMLUNGISA LAMUHLA, yikho lapho akholisa khona. Topi, hk hk hk hk.

HAPPY NEW YEAR.

Li Zwangendaba.

Kunjani mfo Doc,ikusizile yini iJack Daniels ngikhisimusi hk hk hk

Ayisikho kuphuza lokho, nginathe ngaze ngahlanza yazi. Ngipensele odade ngaze ngavuvuka ikhanda le pensel-machine.

Fortunately, bengiko Bulawayo Khami bar, Visions, Brass lase Bulldogs.

Nginathe i Uozo, Black labeli, Sateu, Henessy, Mainstay le Bols. Ayikho i Jack Daniels ekhaya. Ngiyazi some of you are missing home bafowethu. Uxolo ukulikhumbuza ifokolo ezi grand.

Bafowethu.

Eeiiish! Isifokolo S'nice mani. GUDU NYUYELE.

Li Zwangendaba.

bakithi lets have more problems ebulenjini we will learn alot noma nje sinekho kusame situation.
hola 7

Bafowethu labo dade ngehlelwe yisiga esingitshiye ndebephansi, ngenxa yenja ehlose ukungigcoba ngodaka.

Kukhona untombazana omuhle okwesabekayo, angake ngazwanana laye ngendlela ezimnandi. Sakholisa lalowo ntombazana waze wafisa ukuthi ngabe uyathola indandatho kubudlelwano bethu. Untombazana lo usebenza enkampanini yase Nile River, yikho ke ngangitholakala kwezinye insuku ngikhame amanamnede ngentamo ngilubhekise khona.

Njengoba ngike ngatsho, umzukulu lo muhle angathi wazalwa yedwa, inhlamvu zamehlo akhe zingathi ziyakhanyisela, kuthi ijwabu lakhe lubutshelezi angathi lusana, amathangazi akhe abumbeke kahle besekuthi amabele akhe makhudlwana angagcwala umganu oyingubhe. Ngangimhlonipha kakhulu luntombazana okokuthi ngitsho lokumpensela ngangi ngamkhothamisi.

Ngithe ngivungula ngezikhathi zantambama ngolwesihlanu ngathola umbiko kumakhalekhukhwini othi "Am Forwading 2 u shotly a msg sent 2 me... just do me a favor.. i dnt wnt ppl turning my fon into a plaything".
Mina njengomuntu obengacabangeli ukuthi kungabe kukubi ngavele ngamphendula ngathi, "pls clarify, i do not get the mnng of ur msg"
Wahle vele waphendula ngombiko wakhona othi "U Nile gal let my zmbwe man alone. No wonder he laughs wth pals tht u r so loose he go b4 u knw his name u wre al ova hm, sims u pick men in night clubs. Plz dnt brng us ugdn diseases, am tired of ur tsts on his phone. Stop it pliz"

Ngamphendula mina ngathi, "wat's all this hogwash?"

Engakangiphenduli ngavele ngashay' ucingo, ngambuza ukuthi kwenzakalani. Wachasisa ke yena ukuthi uthole lowo mbiko uvela kumuntu angamaziyo yikho ke ungithumele ukuthi ngazi ukuthi kukhona umuntu alwa laye ngegama lami.

Ngavele ngabanjwa yi stresi.

1. Umuntu omthumele umbiko lowo angimazi.
2. Inombolo zikantombazana we Nile efonini yami zifakwe ngegama elithi Elliot K (ukwenzela ukuthi ngenze imdlalo yami ngoku fihlekileyo)
3. Imbiko yonke engangiyi thola ivela kuntombazana we Nile ngangihle ngivele ngiyicitshe kumakhalekhukhwini.
4. Umuntu owathumela lo mbiko kukhanya ulolwazi ukuthi untombazana lo ngowase "Nile River", njalo ulolwazi nge nombolo zakhe zocingo.
5. Uyangazi njalo, ngoba yimi ngedwa engangi gebha umzukulu, njalo ngiphuma kwaMgaxaland.
6. Angikhombanga ntombazana lapha.

Umzukulu uzonde, udla amalahle ngoba ebona angathi kule siqiniseko kumbiko wakhona ngami. Sike sazama ukushaya inombolo lapho okuvele khona lowo mbiko kodwa kukhanya ucishiwe lowo makhalekhukhwini.

Ngenzeni? Ngidinge inyanga yini? Ngilokhe ngifisa ukuthi ngidlelane laye umzukulu lo.

Eish ... inzima eyakho...ngizoyitshiyela abadala.

I have a number of alternative solutions to yo problem Dok
Number 1
Slightly tilt the tables against umzukulu. Tell her that yu received a strange anonymous call. The stranger, among other things said that “Ufuna umuntu aze athi bhadla ukuthi akasakufuni, yu should read in btwn lines. Tell her ukuthi from that yu are no longer sure of what is taking place and yu believe this cud be an artifice which she is part of just to find reason to terminate the relationship. This will divert her mind from that of feeling like she has been wronged and continuously accusing yu to being defensive & wanting to convince yu ukuthi akunjalo. And wena ma etraya ukuchasisa insist on her giving yu reasons why she wud want to part with yu. Nxa sekunjalo the ground will be square, and yu will see how to win her heart again.
I know yu are probably saying “But Gas umkhenyevuli lo angabuye aphinde, mhlawumbe ngeqhinga elitshiyeneyo iyozala nkomoni” Do not worry yu will cross the river when yu get there. Uba eza again it’s increasing the risk of being caught on his/her part. Meanwhile lawe as a man it gives yu a chance to look into the matter kungela pressure yokwesaba ukwaliwa.

Number 2
Dok accept tshomi, it could be fruits of yo labor. Funda isigcawu esingaphansi. Ngisicaphune kwesinye sezilobo zakho. So mnewethu it could one of those guys abatshiya I-apparatus zivuvukile.



Number 3
Hamaba esitolo Dokotela, Thenga izicathulo ezimhlophe (uba ungabalenhlanhla uthole ezingo gumu azazisidla ubhedu kuma 80s,) kumbe ama supper pro. Uwadekhorethe kancane ngomabrosi, ibhulugwe elide elibomvu, iyembe elithanga elamabala amnyama, ibhanti elimhlophe, ithayi ye satin material eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, amasokisi aluhlaza, amagogorosi amnyama khaca amakhulu kulawo wonke, lecklace eyi-chain eqatha.. Thatha limpahla uyigqoke, utshaye umzukulu nge-surprise visit. Uhambe esambeni sebhulugwe sangemuva umphathele ama-jaspro macimbi. (ngizwa kuthiwa abomango wakwabo abawathandinje). Uthutsha laphaya Dok l can assure you ukuthi umzukulu uyohle aginye amathe, (Ngikuncwebe indlebe: Phela intombi zakomthwakazi ezikhomba empumalanga zinqotshwa yiyo le I-athaya). Wena ke ungamniki itshansi yokukuncoma. Hatshi. Straight away wohle umkhothamise, (Kanti wesabani Dok ukumkhothamisa). Umbambise phansi ngezandla. Ma uqeda lapho umqhubele amacimbi lwawana, Uyahle atshaywe yis’thongwana phinde akhulume nga sms angaqedakaliyo.

Number 3
Limuka udade lwana owebheya. Ngileqiniso nguye. To discipline her, mziswe lokho akukhalelayo. Yu won’t lose anything.

Number 4
Present the truth as it is to her as yu may probably have done by now. Do not panic, Pliz condition yoself for any outcome. And respect whatever decision she makes about the whole matter

Bafowethu.
___________________________________________________________________________________________
Ngincindezele: >Number 3
Hamaba esitolo Dokotela, Thenga izicathulo ezimhlophe (uba ungabalenhlanhla uthole ezingo gumu azazisidla ubhedu kuma 80s,) kumbe ama supper pro. Uwadekhorethe kancane ngomabrosi, ibhulugwe elide elibomvu, iyembe elithanga elamabala amnyama, ibhanti elimhlophe, ithayi ye satin material eluhlaza okwesibhakabhaka, amasokisi aluhlaza, amagogorosi amnyama khaca amakhulu kulawo wonke, lecklace eyi-chain eqatha.. Thatha limpahla uyigqoke, utshaye umzukulu nge-surprise visit. Uhambe esambeni sebhulugwe sangemuva umphathele ama-jaspro macimbi. (ngizwa kuthiwa abomango wakwabo abawathandinje). Uthutsha laphaya Dok l can assure you ukuthi umzukulu uyohle aginye amathe, (Ngikuncwebe indlebe: Phela intombi zakomthwakazi ezikhomba empumalanga zinqotshwa yiyo le I-athaya). Wena ke ungamniki itshansi yokukuncoma. Hatshi. Straight away wohle umkhothamise, (Kanti wesabani Dok ukumkhothamisa). Umbambise phansi ngezandla. Ma uqeda lapho umqhubele amacimbi lwawana, Uyahle atshaywe yis’thongwana phinde akhulume nga sms angaqedakaliyo. <
______________________________________________________________________________________

Lapha Gas ungibulele ngembambo.

GUDU ADIVAYISI. But DEADLY.

Li Zwangendaba.

Ok,mina ngilodaba olungihluphe iminyaka elitshumi manje njalo ilokhu iqhubeka isiya phambili so ngicela aba serious bangisize coz this is NO joke bakaMthwakazi.

Isithandwa sami kusukela eHigh school sangitshiya after a 3yr relationship,lokhu kwakungenxa ye pressure from abazali bethu both,vele kwakulenkulumo ezimbi kabi -si ngavunyelwa ukubonana.Kwathi linye langa,he broke the news to me that usemithisile but wayengamthandi lowo sisi,well kwakungasela mayenza.Ngakibo babevele be ngabantu besintu too much no wonder we had problems ku relationship yethu.I had to let him go..we remained friends,he was forced to marry the poor girl.Mina I moved on with my life,went college etc but he kept track of me always,ehlala engitshela lokhu la lokhu,lets elope,I need you in my life blah blah blah but um NO fool so I decided to leave the country.

Now,udubo lwami nantu la-from the time I arrived in this country i see him in my dreams almost every night.kuyangethusa,i almost told umama but i felt embarrassed coz she was going to think ngisamfuna lo mfana but it is not the case coz vele kangisela ndaba laye as he is married.Okungimangalisayo yikuthi,angimcabangi emini but ngimbona (emaphupheni)dreams,isikhathi esinengi mina yimi engifuna ukukhuluma laye yena ecatsha engafuni ukungibona,kumbe ngibona abangakibo bonke bengihlasela ngezinhlamba-unina engikhangela kubi kumbe yena engibalekela!!!!!!!Now what the hell is this???????It scares me coz sometimes ngiyake ngithi mhlawumbe he needs my help but i am not there for him!what ?yini le?? kungani ngamonela or something but he was unfaithful to me and i have someone in my life or at least for now..

Ngenzeni,yisintu?kufuna izinyanga kumbe njani?ufunani kimi vele?

Siza Mthwakazi please,i need move on without him empilweni yami,i need my good night sleep too.

Ngibona sengathi kukabili:
1. It could be that wamthanda kakhulu lujaha and mhlawumbe lamanje there is hidden love for him which can not flourish because of the circumstances surrounding yo relationship. That being the case nxa uzitshela ukuthi let me get over with this phase of the past that silent love responds besucina umphupha.

2.Mhlawumbe ujaha lo can not accept to let go of you. Kungenzeka ukuthi mhlawumbe in an effort to woo you back usekusebenzisela izihlahla. Though l feel this is less likely.

Please note that his unfaithfulness to yu does not automatically mean that he does not love yu nor yu don't love him. It is painful ukwenziwa njalo, and it may over shadow uthando oluzikileyo kini lobabili, which may eventually express itself ngendlela ezifana lamaphupho wonalawo.

Gasela,

Ngiyabonga kakhulu nge advise yakho. Yanginceda kakhulu sibili, ngacina sengingela zinkinga. Ngikhuluma kunje, sengilo ntombazana oyedwa engihlangana laye ensitha, ophuma kwelika Kibaki. Uyangithanda angani lijuba, engavele angithi tshazi kuba ngani ubone i ice-cream ilanga litshisa, uhle agxoze indenda - kuyangijabulisa very too much lokhu.

Inkinga okuphetheyo Zela dade, ifuna ukuthi uthole inyanga ezakulahlisa isithunzi salujaha. Kungehlula thola i sayikholojisti, ezakulahlisa imicabango kalolwo jaha. Ngithemba uza ncedakala. Ngikufisela ithamsanqa kulokho.

Ngiyabonga Gasela,impendulo yakho le brought tears to my eyes.Uyazi lujaha,we went through a lot mina laye but loba ngingabe ngimthanda akulanto engingayenza coz usengubaba wabantwana lalu mama,mina ngeke ngibeyisizatho se failed marriage yakhe.Izihlahla?eish kuyangethusa lokhu loba ngisazi ukuthi it is possible.

Doc,ngiyakuzwa sibili..sengizazama ukudinga okungangisiza ukuze linto idlule ngenze eyami impilo.Ngiyabonga.

SAME TIMES KUYATHOLAKALA LOKHU MINA NGEDWA UMA NGIZWA INKULUMO YAKHA ,NGIKHOLWA UKUTHI LOJAHA UBESENLIZIYWENI YAKHO.WENA WASUKA WAMTHOANDA KAKHULU THATS WAY EHLALA NJALO ESEMAPHUTSHENI AKHO .KUNZIMA LOKHU ENGIZAKUTSHO KODWA NGICABANGA UKUTHI KUNGAKUSIZA ,KHOHLWA NGAYE UMKHUPHE ENHLIZIYWENIYAKHO UMTHATHE NJENGOMNEWENU

Zela;
Okunye okungakusiza is to totally cut all strings lal'ujaha. Uba ngikuzwa kahle he has kept track of yu and all the while usekholitshini beli-khomunikhetha. Lokhu kwenza imithonsela lokuzimpanjana kwe-relationship yenu kuqhubeke kukhona. Ekubeni waku avoyida lokho awaze wamupha indlebe nga sewamlilela, wamphupha kwedlula.
Just get something to occupy you (eg further studying and some interesting hobby), yena ungaxoxisani laye. Mhlawumbe kungakusiza ngoba kubukeka lumuntu ubumthanda sibili and wena ufana xathu lofelwe yisimomotshwana sakhe engalindele.
WARNING: Whoever yu have in yo life now be sure yu truely love him, there is risk of him just being a source of solace nje. I would advise yu do not commit yo self until this other phase is totally gone and yu are sure yu really love and need him.
Shame l feel pity for yu.

Ok Ok..I admit,ngiyamthanda lakathesi lumuntu but i guess bengilokhu ngizama ukukhohlwa ngaye but failing yikho ngaze ngayifikisa la ku Nkundla lindaba.Lonke lizwakala lisithi ngilokhu ngimthanda,well,I think it is the only reason why he is on my mind always but how am I supposed to ignore my feelings or stop my dreams,angizenzi.I have tried everything to forget him but kuyala,ngazama to treat him as a brother Mashayabhuqe but he seemed to be a very special brother,i care way too much for him such that ngifisa ukwazi if he is alright la akhona.See,Gaselomhle,I have no strings to cut la coz angikwazi lokuthi ukuphi manje,ukuba uyaphila noma wafa and this is making me CRAZZY.Ngifisa ukuthi ngangiyazi at least that he is fine maybe I will feel better.I jus want to hear his voice.I know it sounds silly but it is the way I feel,kwesinye isikathi I hate myself for being like this and hope to God and even pray I completely forget him but it never happens then besengithi mhlawumbe ngingathetha naye for a few minutes on the phone kungaphela but at the same time i am afraid that if i get in touch with him I will never let go of him for ever.Sometimes I feel,we were meant for each other and I will never be happy without him.

Ngiyazi I sound like a stupid person but my life is a mess,it has been for years.Loba ngilojaha lo emazweni,I don't really feel that kind of love laye,yena he is so good to me,ukhanya uyangithanda loba nje engowesishoneni-i don't see myself marrying him to be honest but uyangilibazisa otherwise i be so so lonely and go MAD thinking of the other guy back home.Kwezinye insuku I find myself imagining things,like "when I get home,i will hunt him down till I find him,he will be shocked but happy to see me,we hug and kiss and the two of us will chat for hours about how much we missed each other"or maybe,i will get home and he is seriously ill in the hospital,then I visit him and lie next to him and listen to him breath whilst he is asleep till he wakes up! or what if we meet accidentally...he is walking with his family,we bump into each other-we can't help but drop everything and hug each other(freaky)...etc etc...thats how badly I miss him.It's like I live a Double life,with him and without him.

Do you think maybe yena vele sewakhohlwa ngami?I jus need to know if he thinks of me sometimes coz my life is hell,it is like torture.I even did a risky thing of calling his (mom and dad's phone and talked to his little sister and tried to get information but she said he does'nt have a phone where he lives and because I could'nt tell her my name and why I was asking about his brother,she did'nt give me much information at all.I feel bad but that night I had had one of these dreams of him and I cried like a baby- i was even shaking,I could'nt help but dial the no. that was given to me at his old work place.Kuthi kangihlanye vele ngaye lubhudi,i once asked my doctor for help,he simply said-"it is love,jus find him,you belong together,tell him how you feel,that's the only way to go about it,you not crazzy,you don't need no shrink or anything like that"

Since i wrote here and got replies,I read them all over again..like everyday,it's like I am going crazzy.I am afraid I will die miserable and lonely if I don't have him in my life for real.I love him it hurts so badly!I love him I love him,ngiyamthanda ,ngiyamthanda.

uzekisiswina?

uzekisiswina? [/quote]:

Mayihlome shuwa,what are you suggesting here???Ngizekise obaba abalabafazi babo,ngoba yibo bodwa phela abakaMthwakazi abaku le area engikiyo.Usemazweni lawe,you know how difficult it is to find someone to hang around with if you are single,esp..amaNdebele bayabalwa ngapha.Wena vele why not try and tuckle my problem and come up with a solution to help me live impilo engcono ukhiphe inzondo yakho yamashona kuproblem engilayo.This guy may not be the one for me but okwamanje I am happy I have him as he is the only friend i have,abafazi babantu don't want to be friends with me as I am single,bayesabela imendo yakho.What should I DO,ngiphile ngedwa lesizungu se diaspora sonke lesi,ngingalunga?Tell me something helpful bo!!Shiyana lento zikucabanga ukuHLOMA kuphela coz you really don't know if I zekisa him or not,he is not the issue here,indaba ngeyejaha elisekhaya,engilithandayo,elisemaphupheni ami!

I received a mail from Ndebele Phaqa, and he has indicated that he is unable to logon to Inkundla but has the following post for Zela.
----------------- Posted on Behalf of Ndebele Phaqa ------------
NANSI KE I POSTING YAMI:
After going through your last posting i couldn't resist the temptetion of posting my rather childish or maybe stupid advice. My belief is: the road to everlasting happiness is knowing who you are, believing in yourself and setting your goals and fighting till achieving them, and forgiving , in other words getting what you want.After reading your post i came to a conclusion that you love this guy 100% and nothing, no-one or anything will change that. I would like to differ with others a bit. Ignoring him or trying to forget about him will never solve this problem instead it will make matters worse because you will always be kept in suspense. Give yourself one last chance to be with/without him by phoning him directly, get to know what his plans in life are, you might be surprised that he is going through the same torture.Dont tell him how you feel first just ask about family, work and that you got his number from a friend you met in town and you just wanted to say Hi and find out how he is keeping, keep it formal and plain, dont put emotions.Let it sound like a friendly call.After this you will be in a position to know that he is gone for good or he is in the same pain as you are.Then you make the neccessary desicion.I think what you lack is the closure, you are not sure if this love was really over and you cant go ahead without getting closure on this issue.

Give yourself time to sort this out once and for all.Expect bad or good.If he doesn't open up on the first call, try the second and third if he still doesn't then open up and tell him how you feel then leave everything to him. All your burdens will be lifted from you after he tells you what he thinks or feels about the situation.

I will ask brothers like Dokotela, Zwangs, Gasela and others to comment on my advise before you take it maybe there are dangers in this process.Run it through your head as well and see if it suits you. Wishing you all the best.
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Regards
Dok

From me to you dade Zela. Ngizabamba lindaba ngenhlangothi ezimbalwa ngokulondeka okulandelayo.

(1) Ikusasa lakho ligxile kwizenzo lemiphumela yansukuzonke. Lapha ngitsho ukuba izenzo zakho zanamhla, ziyakusondeza naa kuzifiso zakho zakusasa? Ngizaqala ngokuthi, ungaviki ngobunke, lapho umfowethu ekubuza ngokuthi uyatholaka emacansini lomtaneshona. Ikusasa lakho uyalifaka na ku mntaneshona kumbe ufuna uku buyela kujaha ose zimbagwe? Ukhethani? Kusobala ukuthi inzalo yeshona iyehluleka ukukukhumula kwimicabango kajaha osemqondweni wakho. Kungani ungakhombi, impintshi ezigrand enkundleni?

(2) Injabulo Yakho igxile njalo ekukhetheni into ozwana layo ngcono njalo olesiqiniseko ukuthi iqondile. Kuyini okuku hlaba umqhele?

(3) Ingozi ongahlangana lazo ngenzalo yeshona yikuthi uzakumithisa abesekulahla kabi. Hlala wazi ukuthi lowo jaha ufuna ukukudlalisa nje, njengoba lawe ufuna uku jabula. Kodwa umehluko yikuthi lingaze lijabule lonke, yena uhamba enga thwalanga lutho kodwa wena ulakho ukusuka usule ngcosi, kumbe umkhuhlane.

(4) Amandla Engqondo ayajabulisa kakhulu. Ulakho ukuqala ukulibha ingqondo yakho ukuthi ibe lakho ukuthola ukukhululeka kwimicabango yalowo jaha. Qala njalo uku libha ingqondo yakho ukuthi ihlukane lomfan' ogave uboya begundwane. Ekugcineni vakashela ihofisi yami ngikwenze i "operation fun-putter", ezakwenza uthole injabulo ephezulu, lapho uzalahlekelwa khona yi stress, lemihluzi yenjabulo.

Kuqala ngizathanda ukubonga uNdebele Phaqa
I think I am definately taking your advice coz vele I been wanting so badly to know ukuthi yena ucabangani,all I wanted was some to tell me to go ahead and do it coz it is not a stupid dea after all.Thanks Ndebele.Dokotela,I don't quite get what you are saying kodwa ngibona you are concentrating much on the Shona guy thing,ayisi issue leyo,lo ngumuntu nje engimbona now and then as a friend-Angikho that loose you know,no wanda ujaha osekhaya engamitisanga mina but the other woman,angidlalwa like that mfethu.Ujaha lo,siyakwejisa nje as we go to the same college,sike siye kuma cinema,same gym,and he visits me now and then,yena he wishes for more but mina bengingekholapho but told him we can be friends coz i really need him(as a friend)ok.I wish aluba ngingakhulumanga ngaye vele coz ngiyabona where this is going..i know most of you really hate these people but siphilisana labo and he has been a good friend,i will never allow him to use me that way.so ,ungangesabeli vele vele!

Now,if i may ask everyone to please ignore the part of this Shona boy so we can move on with the real problem that brought me here.Thank you.Ndebele,i will let you know how i go with the phone call-good or bad,for now ngizodinga inombolo zocingo,ma engelazo i will find someone with a cell phone to hunt him down,then i would talk to him from there.UM desperate uyazi.Ngingambhadala amadollars azwayo sibili!

ngiyabonga

Bafowethu.

Zela, mntwan' omuntu, mina Zwangendaba ngiyakucela. Some may say use a long spoon, others may say a very long spoon, and yet others may say a VERY VERY VERY long spoon. Mina ngithi, NEVER AT ALL.

Angitsho uyatsho ukuthi useke acele itenene??? Asikwesabeli sibili kanti yithi esiyabe siganyulwe???, kodwa kubuhlungu ukuba yi STATISTICS sabo as isizwe, nxa sebebalisa lapho abadlula khona.

Li Zwangendaba.

[quote=Zela]I ... vele I been wanting so badly to know ukuthi yena ucabangani,all I wanted was some to tell me to go ahead and do it coz it is not a stupid dea after all./quote]

So Zela ubusazi kahle ukuthi ufunani, ubudinga okupha isibindi. So mina I think kuhle uqhubeke wenze lokho okufunayo. Kodwa ke be prepared for anything ngoba ulakho ukumdinga lumuntu ukhangelele ukuthi mhla umbona you will hug and share how yu missed each other, etc, only to discover ukuthi he never missed you and you don't exist in the syllabus yempilo yakhe, ubusulimala ngamandla. Usulimele ubone sengathi ulinyaziwe kanti hatshi the whole battle is in yu and yo mind.

Le eye tshona inzima ukuthi siyi iginowe. Lokhu kuyingoba we treasure yu dadewethu (I suppose yu are a Mthwakazi yo self)Kambe umuntu usengaxakelana laboxamu lendwangu ngoba esenkangala? Uyazi Zela angikuthuki wethu kodwa ngijonge ukuletha umcabango ongacitshe usize. Wena manje yu are concerned nge"real" problem yakho but be careful, don't ignore okulethwa ngabafowethu concerning ubhudi lo wesitshabini, lest you brew another problem for yo self. I strongly believe ukuthi it is untrue ukuthi wena laye alithandani. It's yu who introduced him and in the context yezokuthandana and it was as if he is a perfect replacement kabhudi lo osekhaya. Funda imigca le engaphansi uzibuze ukuthi ubusithini ngesikhathi uyiloba njalo ayiphikisani yini, ayivezi i-self deception somehow about yu.
In response to Ndebelephaqa
"Ngizekise obaba abalabafazi babo,ngoba yibo bodwa phela abakaMthwakazi abaku le area engikiyo.Usemazweni lawe,you know how difficult it is to find someone to hang around with if you are single,esp."
In response to Dokotela
"...angidlalwa like that mfethu.Ujaha lo,siyakwejisa nje as we go to the same college,sike siye kuma cinema,same gym,and he visits me now and then,yena he wishes for more but mina bengingekholapho but told him we can be friends coz i really need him(as a friend)ok.I wish aluba ngingakhulumanga ngaye vele coz ngiyabona where this is going.."

So watch out yu could be having a weakness of not coming to terms with yo real self. Never deceive yo self. This aspect of self deception cud be a contributory factor ku-problem yakho le olayo, ngoba nga wahle wazitshela ukuthi "utshomi lo osekhaya ngiyamthanda whether umithisile kumbe ulomfazi mina ngiyagcwala ngaye" yu would have handled yo case differently kudala.

So into engiyifundayo lapha wena yu do not mind what yu do labetshabi, and/or may be awubazi, to yu they are one of those tribes nje just like Tshewa, Suthu etc, Please be advised they are not. Usetshilo uZwangendaba kusithelela amahloni uba abafana besitshoneni betshaya ama-statistics entombi abedlule kuzo kutholakale lamagama entombi zesintwini ebizwa.

I'm yet to understand Zela ukuthi kanti litshoni nxa lisithi insizwa zakoMthwakazi zinlutshwana, azitholakali etc. Personally l believe it is all about being wrongly networked. Khona manje siyakhulumisana kuleli khasi sikundawo ezitshiyeneyo kodwa singabako Mthwakazi ngoba we got connected.
So Zela take yo time try to know ukuthi bangobani njalo bayisima kanjani abesitshabini, njalo kungani abafowethu besala ukuyi - iginowa lindaba yetshabi. Mhlawumbe kuzakusiza ngelinye ilanga. And pliz get connected to the right pple. Create a society & community that suits you not to move around suiting situations.

Well analysed Gasela, i wouldn't have done better.
Ngizathanda ukwengezelela ngokuthi, kukhona amantombazana esengike ngahlangana lawo akholwa ukuthi thina inzalo yeNkosi yohlanga asila siphatho, asila mali "mpondo-kayi-ntshintshwa", asikhaliphanga, siyizigebengu njalo asila njongo empilweni. Abantu abakhuluma kanje, esikhathini esivamile bayabe beke bavalwa amehlo yisitha, esiza angathi sizohlenga siqondise, sona sisiza ukuzo bhidliza.

Ngithi "Vukani!" kubo, avumele umuhlwa ukuthi ugebhe izakhiwo zabo, kodwa kubo kuthe "tsu!".

the way i see it osisi bakithi bale identity crisis ,banengi abalala lamatshabi and claim ukuthi alesiphatho.its very unfortunate ngoba those guys will never treat them as equals they use all sorts of deragatory terms to describe osisi bethu ,i know because i have learnt ,lived and worked with these people , uzwa bethi mandevere anonaka i mean what kind of bullshit is that?
our sisters shouldnt be blindfolded liberals and they should at leat know wat they really want ngoba kuyasenyanyisa

Mthwakazi allow me to raise an opinion & make this appeal, especially kubo dade.
I think into eliphutha yikuthi odade tell themselves ukuthi they are not "politicians" and ukubalensolo ngabetshabi it's politics, its tribalism, anti christian, politics is a dirty game etc. But then there is no way you can eliminate politics and the effects of political decisions from yu, yo life and yo descendants irrespective of whether yu are a christian, politician or apolitical. It is part of our ecosystem and refusing to influence and shape it, in a way, is being irresponsible.

Secondly madodakazi kamthwakazi lahlani umcabango wokukhongozela inotho elingayisebenzelanga. This is one other factors that has killed us. We think a suitable and competant man is one who will bring a dish full of inotho ayithi qithi phambi kwakho, eventually yu stoop so low ngenxa yoku-attractwa yimali. Hayi bo bantu bakwethu. Use yo hands and brains to generate income and sustain yoself. Uthando lamacansi kungeyami ekuthini isikhwama somuntu siqumbe kanganani. If yu can attain that level tell yu what yu'll think and view things objectively. Abetshabi have capitalised on that weakness and are screwing Mthwakazi sisters who unfortunarely think they are loved bona besetshenziswa.

Inyathela eliqakathekileyo okusamele silithathe: We need to change. One other challenge for most of us is that we are always looking outside ourselves for change when the first target of change is ourselves. When we ourselves change, everything else changes and we begin to see a new light. Knowing that we are the ones who need to change is one of the greatest discoveries we can ever make.

BakoMthwakazi we are a great pple, we are not so cheap.
And greatness begins when we take personal responsibility for our lives and for our destinies.
We may blame our man for what they are which is a result of the political systems which are not as enabling to the boy in Lusulu as they are to the boy of the same age at Uzumbamarambafungwe. A small home work for you, try to observe inani labophysician, pharmacist who say bafunda emaphandleni eMatabeleland ubaqathanise labasemaphandleni empumalanga. Why the vast difference, is it that we are academically inferior, No!!! The environment is not enabling. Uba lifunda iscience yu need labs with the necessary facilities which things will not be found eMabhonobono but are there koChiweshe. And as a woman uba uthi ijaha lakoMthwakazi aliyenzi liyabhowa and yu blame them for what they are, you are simple saying Yu will happily repopulate the Tshabis and never identify with the kindred who are being victimised and are victims. Yu proudly want to be consumed by their assassin than jointly resist that victimisation, which in simple terms is capitulation. But are yu sure those pple are prepared to identify with yu and recognise yu as a being and not just a being but a Mthwakazi lady with values to be respected kumbe vele yu have no values ngaphandle kokukhongozela izimali zabo. Its sad yu will cry foul seku too late and then uyobe usu khangelela ukuthi the same Mthwakazi brothers and sisters owabalahlayo bazwisise umumo wakho njalo bakuzwele.
Tell yu what when yu play this game yu appear busy and for a moment active and progressing whereas yu are sinking deeper into trouble and your perspective of reality is warped.

All progress demands that we change our minds, ways of doing things and beliefs. Without change we will never make any progress.
So long as we refuse to take responsibility and insist on these and those excuses we postpone our own greatness and put in a difficult position our own posterity.
Mthwakazi, bosisi, we can become anything we wish to become if we are willing to do what it takes. Change sometimes injures our own pride but it is for our good. in business the responsibility of every leader and manager is to get results in a climate of change. Each of us needs to resolve to be a master and agent of change and not just a victim. The proof of responsibility is our willingness to take bold and massive action in the direction of our goals.

Mthwakazi we were born to live and not exist. We are a great pple. If yu still think that yu are "not a politician", "politics is a dirty game" what are yu and which clean game are yu playing? Ukosa amagundwane loku bavulela imilenze? It sounds more dirty to me. It is time to unleash yo potential and contribute towards this good cause, bako Mthwakazi. masingavumi mani ukuba yizigcabha nje into ezingelma-values.

Very strong and encouraging words Gasela, you trully have a strong character too, which would really help many people. You are a very good motivator and it would be nice to hear you speak to a number of people gathered in one place.

I think your post is very encouraging for guys too.

Well done dade! Your words should be echoed in every part of our lives.

Bafowethu
Mazinyane esilo sikamthwakazi liyazi lani ukuthi okokuqala ubukhosi ngamazolo, njalo okungapheliyo kuyahlola.Laba abantu abetshabi basebenzisa kakhulu inketha betshabi lobandlululo(Tribalism).Manje sokubalimaza khonalokhu njalo amanxeba adalwe yinkemenkeme leyi angeke aphole.Umhlaba umangele madoda njegoba iZanu-pf isithi yona iyamfuna futhi umnu Robert embusweni.Amaphutha afana lalawa kuthiwani ngawo.Abantu bakamthwakazi bona bathini.Sizayiyekela kuze kubenini ingulube isinonela.

Miza-muntu(analyst)

Olungaziwayo aluthezwa wena dade kanti kwasekuluma kakhulu yini.
Uyazi futhi ukuthi laba imikhuba yabo mnengi idlana uboya
Pho-ke wena wakhetha ukuhlala le'GOLA' endlini.
Njengoba sewa nambitha nje kunzima ukuthi sikuxakulule, phela ukhethile ukuthwala udengezi ekhanda- uzotsha vele ngokuya kwesikhathi.Abadala bona ekhaya wabatshela ngalomhlola.kuyazila phela lokhu futhi ungakufihli ngoba kule mpondo angithi.
Ukhuleke kakhulu ngoba lokhu libhadi.

Zela dade..

At this time do what you have to do call this guy and find out what he is all about and if you dont exit in his world painful it might be but then at least you will have to pick up your pieces of broken heart and mend yourself and move on... Rather wait and tourture yourself and live on the maybes.....

So for the guy your hanging out with.... hey you are a human being we all want to be loved and dont listen to people who will critisize you about his tribal background because we are not there....
and none of us have an solutions for you.... If this guy keeps you happy then go ahead ...As long as he is a God Fearing person everything else will fall into place

Zwide

Ngiyabonga,uze wangilamulela kulindaba!Uyazi vele bengizitshela ukuthi mina ngiza yeka abantu abale nzondo leswina bakhulume abakufunayo but angiyingeni ngokubana nxa uvele uzonda ishona akula nto enhle ongayitsho ngabo loba nje ukwazi ukuthi bakhona abanye abalungileyo phakathi kwabo.Ngisa zama ukukhulumisana lojaha osekhaya,but lumngane wami has been so nice for as long as i remember.ukhulele kobulawayo njalo ngithetha naye isindebele kangifosi lutho,angitsho ukuthi amadoda esindebele a inferior or anything like that but umuntu nxa angakonelanga kanti ungamzondelani na?ukuthi lishona?angila nzondo lomuntu loba ungumhloboni,inkalakatha-yimpilakahle.

Ngiyabonga Zwide.

Heeeeyi!Ngiyakuzwa dadewethu,inkulu indaba yakho kodwa iqiniso lona lingaphathi kuwe ongakwenza nje wena ukukhululela"follow your insticts"Nalo lelojaha osaqhuba qhuba nalo okwamanje lizwakala lilungile,asazinjalo ngoba abadala bathi umntane nyoka yinyoka...

Dade Zela, i'm deducing that you did not really need advice but confirmation of what you already have in mind and furthermore you expected us to bless your union with a shona guy.

1. Thina sizonda izenzo zomuntu we tshabi. Kimi akukhathalekile ukuthi ngewensontweni kumbe hatshi, kumbe ulemali enganani, kumbe ufunde kanganani. Inzalo yetshabi iyazakala ngikuba yindlela ebhidliza impilo zabo dade bethu. Kungani ungakuthathi njengokuthi silendaba lawe, yikho sekwesabela kangaka?

2. Kukhanya awudingi sizo kulolu daba. Kungani ungaveli wenze isifiso sakho dade?

Ngiyabonga!

I agree with yu Dokotela. UZela akala hlupho. Uyakwazi akufunayo kuphela nje she lacks courage/confidence to go for it. Pliz Zela go for what yu want and 'wish yu well.

Bafowethu.

Ngincindezele:
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but lumngane wami has been so nice for as long as i remember.ukhulele kobulawayo njalo ngithetha naye isindebele kangifosi lutho,angitsho ukuthi amadoda esindebele a inferior or anything like that but umuntu nxa angakonelanga kanti ungamzondelani na?ukuthi lishona?angila nzondo lomuntu loba ungumhloboni,inkalakatha-yimpilakahle.
_________________________________________________________________________________

Uhlupho lapha yikuthi sisadinga uzibuse. If we compromise our objectives by aliniating with those who have no wish to see us free, we defeat the cause. If we compromise our cause by aligning with those who are benefiting from the status core, we are making one step forward, and ten steps backward.

ABAFUNAYO KABAWATHANDE AMASHONA, BUT ONLY AFTER WE HAVE ACHIEVED OUR FREEDOM. WHEN WE ARE TALKING ON EQUAL TERMS.

Also let us not use religion to soften our zeal. Forgive me for saying this: WHEN THE GOD OF ISRAEL SPOKE TO MOSES, HE SAID FOR MOSES TO TAKE THE CHILDREN OF ISRAEL FROM EGYPT. HE DID NOT SAY TAKE SOME EGYPTIANS AS WELL.

Mina I destaste it if MTHWAKAZI is used for Shona statistics. That is my main concern. As a Mthwakazi citizen, are you willingly being used to ADD NUMBERS TO THEIR ACHIEVEMENTS AND CONQUEST???

Li Zwangendaba.

Ngithanda ukubonga bonke abangiphathisayo kudaba lwami loba nje kwasuka kwangani kuleconfussion kancane but anyway my main problem in the first place was my high school sweetheart back home and ngizolazisa what steps i took and the outcomes.

1)Ngazimisela ukuya ekhaya ngiyeqedelana lakho.The story is jus too long but i will cut it short.Umendo wakhe lujaha failed partly because of me because i heard each time they faught nomkakhe my name would come up,bad things happened including umfazi finding inyanga ukuthi lujaha amthande akhohlwe ngami which led to parents being involved and more fights resulting in seperation.

Ubengasekho ekhaya ngifika,so I found his where abouts,he agreed to see me but well,he has moved on with a new church lady and he is doing his best to shape up his life,he is a different man now.There was no chemistry vele between the two of us,we talked for hrs and agreed that we will never forget each other and that we cared so much for each other but in a brotherly,sisterly way(I believe him).He even prayed for me!We then went to church to meet his lady,she was nice to me,cooked a great meal and also gave a big prayer for me to travel safely.It was a bit weird at first but I am happy for him.

Ngiyathokoza ukuba i am free at last!I was all smiles on the way back here.Now,I can move on with my life.They asked me to phone and let them know how I travelled,I did..I have NO feelings what so ever for him instead I feel I have my life back.I am trully happy at last!!

We all love a good ending!

Angazi njalo bhudaza. Ngibona ukuthi rather than it being a good ending, sekuyaqala ubunzima ke. Umama lo esevale leyo chapter ngo jaha lo, useya vula ngamandla i chapter yakhe etshabini lakhe, anamathele okwe glue.

I hope uzayafuna ijida lakithi kumbe elesinye isizwe hayi esesitha.

BOYZ

I hear ringing bells-unyaka lo kawupheli ngingashayanga esimhlophe qhwa!Ngikuthembisa invitheshin card bhudi wami,I hope you be happy for me.

Danki.

Isalakutshelwa sibona ngomopho

Zela, dadewethu, I just read your post about wedding bells.Engingakutsho yikuthi good luck lobhudi lo wesishoneni. The reason I say this is because I have seen people very close to me beqilwa, behlukuluzwa both physically and emotionally ngabantu laba, all in the name of 'love'. Mhlawumbe lowo owakho is different, akwaziwa, but as the saying goes, umntan' enyoka yinyoka!
I just hope awusoze uzisole later on in life!

Kutsho ukuthi sengizazizwela ngebhatshi lami then,okwamanje i am happy-after a very long time I feel I can live my life again,why lingangithabeli kanti?Nxa udubo emendweni lungangifikela,ngizadila labo njengomuntu wonke nje osemendweni onzima even ethethwe lindebele coz lami ngilabo abantu aba close abangendelanga khona esishoneni but bekarajwa beqilwa ngamadoda abo!Oswine bayatholakala zonke ndawo-uyabe uwumnyama wakho.Kungabanzima hanti ngilakho ukuyeka nje ngizphilele-life goes on,ngeke ngiweste eminye iminyaka ngilinde leloNdebele ngingelalo vele like i did.Kuzazenza lokho-le yimpilo,ngezakengibalekele amaproblems coz vele where ever u are,uzodibana lawo no matter what!

I know ukuthi lithi liyangisiza but le kaseseyi problem,udubo engeza ngalo lwasolvwa.I am just moving on with my life.And I promise you,nxa kungangihlupha phambili,I won't bring it here coz lokho kuvele kuyatholakala empilweni,i will deal with it myself.Why I came here in the first place was because of my rare problem of dreams-and i already got help from my brothers and sisters here-I appreciate that.Okwamanje ,cha -angilahlupho bakwethu.